| 28.06.2011
How to psychologically help a child if he has failed the university entrance exams.
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Many parents perceive their children's successes and failures as their own. You spent a lot of money on tutors and extra classes with your child, and were even satisfied with his results. But, alas, these results were not enough to enroll in the chosen one. How to behave with a child, and what to do so that the year before the next attempt is not wasted?
How to support your child
It is a rare parent who, upon learning that their child did not go to college, will refrain from reproaching them. They remember everything: a movie with friends instead of physics in the eighth grade, a date instead of a lesson with a tutor in the eleventh, and sleeping until lunch on the eve of the next exam.
It seems as if parental anger is justified in such a situation. After all, most children do sometimes play truant, run off to the cinema and laze around. However, psychologists say that when you make a complaint to a child, you are not angry with him, but... with yourself. Deep down, all parents are sure that they are to blame for the failure. They overlooked it and didn’t control it. There can be only one piece of advice here: stop self-flagellation and help someone who is now much worse off than you - your child. He should not be blamed, but supported, consoled and inspired to new exploits.
Your main task is to prevent your child from losing faith in himself. After failure, even an adult can give up. What can we say about a teenager who failed the first serious test in his life!
It is especially difficult for eternal excellent students and perfectionists: after all, they had every chance of success. Imagine what it’s like to hear from others for several years: “Well, you’ll definitely do it” - and not live up to expectations!!! It's not far from real depression here.
The second risk group is socially active boys and girls aimed at success. For them, entering a university is a kind of confirmation of their own status. The stigma of failure looming on the horizon frightens such children more than the very fact of failure and further uncertainty. They are especially worried if all their friends have already become students, but they are not.
But even the frivolous youths, who, in their words, “didn’t really want to,” still experience failure deep down in their souls. And in some ways they have it even harder than others - after all, it is these teenagers who experience the greatest wave of parental anger. Almost all children know the song “While normal children were studying, you...”. Including those “normal” ones. And this song has never helped anyone. Forget her. Have a heart-to-heart talk with your child. Call on all your parental intuition and find the right words to explain: failures happen to everyone. And neither you nor other close people will love him less because he did not enter the university. Remember your failures, tell us how you managed to turn them to your advantage.
Explain to your child that next time it will be easier for him: he has gained some experience, knowledge of how to behave during the Unified State Examination and entrance examinations. And besides, he has a whole year to psychologically mature for the upcoming studies, realize the importance of education, and perhaps reconsider the choice of university and future profession. A little later, when your son or daughter has calmed down, draw up a further action plan together.
What to do next
In the coming year, the child needs to do something. There are three options here.
- Dedicate all your efforts to studying so that you can retake the Unified State Exam next year and score the required number of points. According to the Law “On Education,” you can retake the Unified State Exam an unlimited number of times, but only once a year. It’s good if the university you choose has preparatory courses. In this case, the child will feel “almost like a student” and will also be able to understand whether he likes studying at this university, or whether it’s worth looking for another before it’s too late. If there are no such courses, find tutors. In addition, create a self-study program.
- Combine preparation with work. The ideal option is to work in an organization that has the opportunity to apply for targeted admission to the university of your choice. This right, according to the “Procedure for the admission of citizens to state-accredited educational institutions of higher professional education,” is vested in state authorities or local governments. A good option is to view vacancies on the websites of the universities of your choice. this does not give, but the child will have the opportunity to evaluate his future alma mater from the inside out, and it will be easier for him to study later. If these options disappear, look through your notebook - you will probably have friends who can find a job for your child, preferably in the field of his future profession.
- Enroll in a college that gives you the right to preferential admission to a university in your chosen specialty. Today there are quite a lot of such colleges, and their successful graduates are admitted to the university without taking into account the results of the Unified State Exam, and immediately into the second or third year. In addition, what is important for young men is that such colleges usually give...
By the way, we need to say something about the army separately. Of course, no one wants to go there. However, try not to intimidate your child with the possibility of service, but consider the army as one of the options for future life. With such an attitude, it will be much easier for my son to adapt if he is eventually called up. In addition, persons who have served in military service have priority rights when enrolling in universities.
Demo version
presumptuous... it’s just that our eldest was always very independent and said that there was no need to help with entrance issues, “she does everything herself.” Faculty itself (no need for advice, I know it myself), no need to apply to another university (“why? I’ll go here), there’s no need to tick the “commerce” box, I’ll go on a budget). Well, something like that))). she is 27, she is the same))). All by herself.
yes, of course, I always feel sorry for applicants to creative universities, they have to take a lot more tests, several creative ones and the Unified State Exam, then all the points are added together.
Because of this feature, sometimes it is not possible to apply to even two universities, let alone 5. When she re-entered and applied to the National State Academy of Arts and Sibstrin, there was a layering of one schedule of creative exams on another, she had to go to the admissions committee and somehow get out.
And with the youngest daughter, who entered Moscow 2 years ago, the situation was also the same, a narrowly focused profession was chosen, she decided to enroll in two, hoping that she would be able to run between two universities (VGIK and another one, I don’t remember, on the outskirts of Moscow) in the end they were layers, or in a row on one day, but there was not enough time to get from one institute to another (3 hours), so in the end I had to choose where to continue to participate in the admissions rounds, I chose VGIK and... I entered)). By the way, first for commerce, this is also cool, there is a huge competition, out of 400 people one group of 24 people, of which 10 are budget places. And after finishing the 2nd year, this summer, for excellent studies for two years, unexpectedly for all of us.... she was transferred to the BUDGET))). We really still don’t believe in this happiness. And you don’t even have to pay for the dorm, commercial people pay 4t.r., and state employees pay 1 ruble!
I completely agree about the fact that there will be time to think about the choice, and not rush somewhere just to get in.
I applied a long time ago, there was no Unified State Exam then. Gratitude to my parents, who did not put pressure on me and gave me the right to choose. I started studying after 5 years!!! after graduation. I entered on my own, without connections or money. During this time, I understood where I wanted to study, I understood where my place in life was. I studied, but that’s not the right word, I just flew classes. I was incredibly interested. It was just MINE.
So, it’s never too late. Something else happens... Tanich7, the right choice. They walked purposefully towards the goal. It’s better than going where you had enough points and then regretting it. And arrogantly, did you regret that you did not apply to other universities, in other cities for similar areas?
What Unified State Exam subjects are required at the National State Academy of Arts? You write that your daughter was passing some subject. Those. Are they accepted not only based on the results of a creative competition, but also Unified State Exam scores are taken into account?
Good day everyone! My eldest daughter found herself in exactly this situation. It was... about 8 years ago. I studied well, no problems, passed the required Unified State Examinations excellently, everything was decided long ago in my profession, I graduated from an art school and took preparatory courses at a university. But...I went a little too far with my arrogance)). She applied to only one university - NGAA, only to one faculty and, moreover, deliberately did not check the box “if I’m considering a paid option for studying,” in her opinion, nothing foreshadowed any other outcome than admission to the budget. The faculty is creative, the Unified State Exam did not decide much. Several creative long exams. And then...something didn’t go well, I was unlucky with the location (the light fell poorly), or something else...in short, I didn’t arrive! Shock. Tragedy. ALL the classmates of the successful gymnasium entered wherever they wanted, they say, but I didn’t, I’m mediocre, a loser.... I got sick... after 5 days. I quickly signed up for the “zero” preparatory course “for those who did not enter” (more expensive and more serious than the preparatory course). x for high school students). I immediately got a job at the National State Academy of Arts as a laboratory assistant (in her case, the library, by the way, turned out to be a very useful job, a card index, the ability to truly restore bindings, again, everything is official, three years of experience, salary, albeit small. And what kind of women work there -librarians!, people with higher education and big hearts, they had (and still do) a wonderful relationship. And now we haven’t seen our daughter for a year from 8 am to 9 pm, because half a day of work, half a day of classes. And here is a new one. “ambush” - they made changes and Russian universities added new requirements for the Unified State Exam, and ours too. My daughter had to prepare for another Unified State Exam additionally and take it in the direction of the District Education Department in one of the city schools.
And one more important detail - we organized a meeting for her - a conversation with a person who graduated from this university and unexpectedly it turned out that she was entering completely the wrong department! Based on her skills, desires and ideas about her future profession, she must enter another one. It was luck!
result - I entered the next year on a BUDGET. At the National State Academy of Arts, at another faculty. Of course, now I’m going to a second university (Sibstrin, just in case) and as many faculties as possible, and a tick on “paid”...)).
Moreover, I didn’t leave after the 4th year, as many did, with a bachelor’s degree, but completed my 6th year of study and defended myself.
By the way, my husband and I supported her in everything and did not put pressure on her, we tried to instill in her confidence in her own strengths.
good luck to everyone))) Demo version
You could just go to graduate school. And then there are other options.
There are completely legal ways, without fake certificates, etc. How did you decide this yourself? If it’s impossible for health reasons, then he won’t solve it himself. The rest are liable for military service, even with a blue or red diploma. If only graduate school
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| NattiYa wrote: |
Yes, this is, rather, a set of stereotypes about the army, as if there are only idiots and ignoramuses there. If you had the desire, you can develop intellectually anywhere, and then enroll later, if it didn’t work out right after graduating from school.
Don’t you know that they also serve after VO?I didn’t write a single word about blockheads, ignoramuses, mama’s boys and eligible bachelors. And she didn’t evaluate anyone. This is what you write.
If you had the desire, you can develop intellectually anywhere, and then enroll later, if it didn’t work out right after graduating from school. You probably have your own set of stereotypes... I entered with a reserve (three 5s and 4s), but for a not particularly interesting specialty. Then again, and also with a reserve - but my reputation worked against me, the secretaries of the dean’s offices communicated closely. The result is two unfinished higher degrees, and the profession was acquired through self-education and rake bumps.
No, the years at the university were not “lost”, they gave me the ability to think and have an outlook, but the price - broken self-esteem - is unjustifiably high.
What is a year “to think”, and even better, to work in your chosen field - compared to 30+ years of study and work? It makes sense for parents to show foresight, which the graduate does not yet have.
Or you can spend a year searching for yourself and quit in your final years. By the way, where does the belief come from that in 365 days a child will definitely decide what he wants to become? I didn’t decide it at school, but a year after school I’ll figure it out right away. Will a year in the army, which is now called a children's camp, turn a child into a real man? Oh well. And if a boy lives in another city alone, in a dorm for 5 years and is still developing intellectually, will he not become a real man? Don’t mothers look after those serving in the army? A set of stereotypes I was terribly afraid of not getting in after 11th grade. There was no Unified State Exam then. We went to the university for preparatory courses and took exams in the spring. Then graduation at school, then entrance to university...I didn’t submit documents at all to where I wanted to go for fear of not submitting them. I applied to where I was almost sure that I would get in.
As a result, after 3 years I left the first university (with an average score of 5.0) and entered another. Again, with a safety net - I entered from copies, and then urgently “scratched” the originals from the first university
My mother, like Svetlana, had a horror story: if you don’t do it, you’ll go wash the floors. I ended up washing the floors, even with a diploma. Because I worked in intensive care as a nurse while being a medical student. I earned money for my graduation, and went on vacation after receiving my diploma - I was entitled to vacation, I earned it (and in intensive care it is long), I didn’t see the point in quitting early and losing my experience. I quit on the eve of employment in a new specialty.
I will sign every word. Working in universities, I saw enough of students. Half do not like their future profession. 20% are basically incapable of it and will not adapt to it (the establishment is paid, so they took everyone). “Journalists” who studied 15 years ago sit at the reception desk in hairdressing salons. No, they can’t do anything with their hands.
This year there was an influx of “changed their minds” - I had those preparing for the Unified State Exam who entered 2-4 years ago, graduated and... changed their minds. Now they act thoughtfully.
As for the army, my opinion is that this is a very necessary school for our sons. I don't think this is a lost year. Our sons are becoming more responsible and independent, while some of them are looked after and controlled by their mothers almost until retirement, and then we wonder “where have the good men gone, who should we give our daughters in marriage to?”
When other applicants successfully entered the budget program, but you didn’t even qualify for the paid one, the desire to do something drops to zero. But inaction will not fix anything. So don't despair! I have selected 6 options for you where you can move on.
Try to go to college
Until August 9, you have a chance to submit documents to college on a budget, until August 16 - for a paid one. Look into to find a suitable specialty. Please note that you will not be able to enroll in a program based on general basic education (9 grades) if you have completed 11 grades.
Some guys go to college or university for one year, and then take away their documents and re-enter where they didn’t go initially. This scheme really works: paid students are paid for two semesters, and state employees do not pay anything (they did not receive a diploma, so they do not need to pay for the distribution). This is a clever way. But unfair. A person takes someone’s place, forces the state to spend money on him, and even mismanages his own funds and time. Choosing such a path simply so that your mother does not scold you and your friends do not point your finger at you is not very wise.
Get ready for DH again
Are you planning to storm your dream university next year? Then continue preparing for the CT. Exercise regularly, avoiding. And if you feel that you won’t be able to sit down with your textbooks, look for one. The teacher will help you catch up quickly and painlessly.
Don’t throw away your CT certificates for 2019 if they have . They are valid for two years, so you can use some of them for admission in 2020. True, next year. How much exactly is still unknown.
Sign up for training courses
If you have definitely decided on a profession, look for training courses on the Internet (offline or online). If you find free online courses in your profession, that’s great. But remember the other side of the “freebie”. You are more likely to use something you pay money for. Free courses, unfortunately, are less motivating.
Get a job
Among the vacancies marked “without work experience” and “without higher education” there are no prestigious professions. , Without having any experience, it’s still possible. Anyway, .
Join the army (for guys)
If you google the phrase “I didn’t go to college,” one of the options for its continuation will be “army.” And this is also a way out of the situation. After service you will receive a military rank and you will be able start a career in law enforcement agencies (Ministry of Internal Affairs, Ministry of Emergency Situations, KGB, etc.).
Develop and look for yourself
In Europe, applicants are in no hurry to enter a university, but spend a year after school to find their calling. They travel, participate in volunteer programs, and learn different professions. This helps them find something they love and
The results of the admissions campaign will soon be announced in Ukraine - children and their parents will find out which university they entered. But what if not? What if your child didn't get into the university he wanted? Desperate, tearing your hair out and going where the points were enough? What to do - advice is given by the scientist and writer Vladimir Spivakovsky and practicing psychologist Vera Romanova.
Vera Romanova, candidate of psychological sciences, practical psychologist
A person should have different experiences, and there is no need to give up negative emotions about the fact that this happened. You need to give yourself plenty of time to worry, cry, and then think about how this situation is useful for your life. At one time, I entered anywhere, anywhere, except for the specialty I wanted to enter - I dreamed of getting into customs. As a result, I decided not to waste a year and went to study psychology, English and literature. And after the first session, I realized that I was where I needed to be.
Of course, we live in a world of assessments. And when such a situation occurs with admission to a university, the first thought is: “What will my friends, classmates, teachers say? That I’m a loser!” And naturally, there will be people who will say so. External assessment depresses this situation, and in fact, this is the main experience that the child and his parents face. Based on this:
1. It is important to understand how I evaluate myself, to record my own point of experience: “Do I really feel what is happening to me? Or is it not entirely up to me, I just found myself in such circumstances? But was it really when I was preparing for exams that I was realizing my dream, and not my parents, for example?”
2. The current situation can be perceived as a way to start everything from scratch, anew. You need to clarify your dream and ask yourself: what kind of person do I dream of becoming, who do I see myself in life?
3. And then decide what to do next. For example:
— we will restore what was lost, so that everything from now on will be as is accepted in society (we will prepare for another year, go to tutors, submit documents again);
- we can go for help (for example, I myself can’t do anything, but they can tell me what courses to take in order to enroll; where to get a job if we decide to work);
- we can look for alternative options (enroll in Coursera courses, for example, find a program for studying at a foreign university. But parents need to understand that if your child left this country to study in Europe, for example, then he left here forever, because very It will be difficult for him to return and live here further with a pro-European mindset).
4. You can build your life not only according to the principle of “making your dream come true,” but you can create a real project for your life. Do the following exercise with your children, answer 4 questions:
— what do I want to change/do in my life?
- what I do not want?
- who will help me with this?
- and who will interfere with this?
After answering the question “What don’t I want?”, sweep these ideas out of your head right away. Focus on answering the question: “What do I want to change?” The criterion for the success of a project is the degree of its feasibility: can I, given the opportunities that I have, take it and implement it, or am I imagining it? We can rely on fate, on relatives, on the education system, or we can only rely on ourselves. If you say you can do it, then your project is feasible, and the rest is a matter of finding the resources. Hint: your resource is hidden in the answer to the third question.
Vladimir Spivakovsky, scientist, writer, businessman, president of the Grand Corporation
What to do if the child is not accepted anywhere? There are several options.
First. Get upset, become depressed, blame everyone around you, curse fate and be disappointed in people and in the world.
Second. Take note of this trouble and consider several ways out of this situation. It might even turn out that not everything is so bad. Millions of people did not enroll in the first year and they did not feel much loss afterwards.
Third. Keep in mind that (how can I put this mildly), our domestic education as a whole is very weak, and after studying for 5-6 years, you will not know or be able to do anything, and there will be no work. That's why…
Option four. If you have brains and character, or at least one of these two, then it’s worth pursuing. You don’t need a lot of money there, and the prospects are much brighter. Thousands left and have no regrets.
Fifth. Follow the path of fashion and benefit. Enter some university remotely, preferably Western, there are a lot of them now. If you have problems with the English language, then you need to decide for yourself a fundamental thing: why do you need higher education at all if you don’t have fluent English? Nowadays this is simply a must. So go ahead, online.
Sixth. Go to work. From my point of view, this is the coolest way out, since understanding “work” is now valued much higher than any diploma. Therefore, if you choose where to work, then choose the company of your dreams and go there for any position, even the most insignificant one. Because the turnover of personnel is now so fast that you can even advance in your career.
Seventh. Sit on mom and dad’s neck and make them nervous for a whole year.
In general, keep your nose up, guys. Previously, even on this topic, there was a song like this: “If a bride leaves for someone else, then it is not known who is lucky.” The university to which you were not accepted is that bride... Be able to extract good luck from every failure.
Dear friend, if you are reading this article, it means that one major failure has happened in your life: you did not enter the desired university. Let's leave the reasons behind the brackets, because you tried.
Or do you calculate your chances of success in advance and ask yourself the question long before the exams: “ What should I do if I don't get into university?" Such foresight is commendable, but rather pessimistic.
Possible options:
So, what to do if you didn’t enter university after 11th grade? First, you should understand that because of your failure, the apocalypse will not happen, the birds will still chirp outside the window, which means that the first thing after failure is to collect yourself from the saddened substance into a cheerful pile and move on. Which direction should we go? There are many options open to you, all you have to do is choose the one you like or try them all one by one. We guarantee: a very rich and interesting life awaits you.
Go to college
Nowadays, voices in support of secondary specialized education are increasingly heard, although many previously underestimated it. In the US and Europe, for example, it is normal to go to college and then get a higher education and/or get a job. Why is Russia worse?
Choose a college in a field similar to your target university. If you were preparing for university exams, but for some reason you didn’t pass them, you still have your knowledge and it will be enough to enter college. Don’t rush to the first college you come across: visit its website, study all the available information, talk to those who studied or are studying there. Try to mentally “build” college into your life path. Perhaps this option will lead you to a brighter future.
After studying in college, you will be able to continue your studies at a university, perhaps the one you unsuccessfully stormed the first time. Some universities accept college graduates immediately into the second or third year.
Get higher education in other ways
The goal of your life is higher education, and here you are such a failure. What to do if you did not enter a university on a budget, but is a graduate degree the ultimate dream of yours?
- Find out about the benefits your target university provides. Maybe you fit into one of the designated categories?
- Hope for a second round. Recruitment of applicants is carried out in two stages, and those who were not included in the first wave may well end up in the second. The final lists of the lucky winners are formed on the Day of Knowledge, so until this day all is not lost.
- Go to the correspondence department. If you passed the Unified State Exam, but did not get the required number of points on the entrance examination to a university, you can transfer to distance learning. It is completely wrong to think that distance learning is inferior. Quite the contrary: you will have the opportunity to combine study and work in your chosen specialty, so that upon completion of your studies you will become both a theorist and a practitioner at the same time. After studying for two or three years as a part-time student, you will be able to transfer to the full-time department and receive a winning diploma!
Try again next year
Nobody forbids repeating attempts several times. In a year, you may well take the entrance examination again and, perhaps, this attempt will be successful. The worries of a beginner will be left behind, because you have already been here. You will have a whole year to prepare for admission, and there are a lot of preparation options.
- Self-training. You already know what subjects you will need to retake the entrance exams. Get more manuals, surf the Internet - an ideal way to prepare for introverts who prefer solitude!
- Group classes. If you are an extrovert, that is, a lover of communication, group classes are your option. After all, you are not the only applicant who wants to enroll in your dream university. Uniting is your strength. Some subjects, such as English, are best practiced in a team.
- Lessons with a tutor. Individual lessons are preferable if you do not intend to share the teacher's attention with other students. Training can be carried out both in the real world and in the virtual one, that is, via Skype. Make sure that the classes are taught by a qualified specialist, otherwise you will waste your money.
Take a year off
Another option for what to do if you can’t get into a university is to ask yourself whether you should go. Maybe your purpose is something else. In the USA, many school graduates take a gap year, during which they understand themselves and the world around them. While you are young, not constrained by family and obligations, nothing prevents you from hitchhiking to Paris, going as a volunteer in South Africa, or getting a job as a waiter in a small Irish town. By traveling and working in your own country or abroad, you will gain tremendous life experience that will help you rethink your values and goals.
If there is no financial opportunity to travel, you can easily engage in self-development at home. In addition to preparing for admission in a year (if your dream is strong), you can take online courses in various areas, visit exhibitions, read books, in short, do everything that you did not have enough time for while studying at school and preparing for exams .
Apply for a job
If you notice the abilities of Julius Caesar in yourself, then you will be able to combine self-development and preparation for re-taking exams with hired labor. Yes, not the highest positions are open to you, but even great people had to start from the bottom. Working as a call center operator, promoter, or waiter can be an excellent start to your career, will help you earn pocket money, and will give you the necessary life experience.
Study the advertisements for vacancies in your city, ask your friends and relatives if they need labor in your person. Try to choose a direction that interests you, because with hard work and diligence, career growth is possible. For example, if your area of interest is designing houses, you can become an assistant in a design workshop. Start small and aim to grow. You can very well become a real professional based on experience, and only then, if you wish, you will receive a higher education through correspondence courses, without interrupting your job. Just for show.
Serve in the army
If you are a guy who does not have any contraindications that provide exemption from military service, you can spend this year after failing the exams giving back to your homeland. This is preferable to hiding from the military registration and enlistment office twice a year until the age of 27. So, one of the answers to the question: what to do if you didn’t get into a university is the army.
Since this is a very important step that can lead to both positive and negative consequences, be sure to discuss this issue with knowledgeable people. Let those who served and those who are never going to join the army share their stories with you. The more opinions you listen to, the easier it will be for you to make your own decision.
So, here are just a few answers to the question of what to do if you didn’t get into university. As you can see, your failure can be the beginning of a grand journey in life.
May 22, 2018 Maria Zhukova