Definitely stupid! I also prefer not to procrastinate... Problems must be solved immediately, as they arise. As they say, in hot pursuit. This makes it easier to put up with!Urus writes:
to accumulate anger over a thoughtlessly spoken phrase, I think is at least STUPID!
But many people don’t want to right away - they probably want to indulge themselves in resentment, feel sorry for themselves... There are such masochists...
I had a friend like this at university! It was difficult with her, but somehow I didn’t even allow the thought that I could break up with her... I’m somehow not used to throwing away friends... Anyone else would have dumped her long ago, but I endured everything her antics... (Even though I have an explosive character myself...) I didn’t depend on her in any way. She was a year behind me (she failed one session and was in the academy). I helped her with everything: from notes to a review of her thesis. She invited me to stay with her in Sochi for 3 summers in a row (her parents lived there). But I was only able to come to her for the third summer (one summer there was no money, and I didn’t want to beg from my parents; the second summer I graduated from university - I took state tests and diplomas; by the third summer I already earned money for the trip on my own). And here I am in the south! Hooray! I saw the sea for the first time! But my joy did not last long! My friend was in a gloomy mood - she fell ill upon arrival. And she was terribly infuriated by the fact that I was healthy and feeling great. She started clinging to me for any reason. The girls from the university (I was not one of her friends invited) even reprimanded her that she was unfairly offending me. Apparently, under their pressure, she finally decided to apologize. She came up to me and leaned against my shoulder. I decided. that I was preventing her from passing and moved a little to the side. She immediately repeated her maneuver. Then I realized that her conscience played a role and she decided to ask for forgiveness. I looked up at her. She looked apologetic, but she didn’t say a word. I decided to spare her sick pride - I didn’t wait for the word “sorry”, but told her “Okay, let’s move on... I’m not angry with you...” But how it hurt me when the next day she came at me again screamed! Only because I diligently combed my hair (and it’s down to my waist), and didn’t quickly crumple it into some kind of bun. And this was not the only reason for her displeasure! There were about a dozen such occasions every day! I couldn’t understand why I didn’t please her so much! Previously, she did not allow herself such attacks... And the girls told me: “Now she is the mistress of the situation! She no longer needs you - she has already graduated from university... Everything that she could take from you, she has already taken...” I was in so much pain!!! How could my friend do this?! This is so mean... Since then, we have never spoken to her. I realized that I would hardly ever be able to forgive her for this betrayal. I don’t regret anything... I mean, I don’t regret that I didn’t leave her then, at the university. This is a life experience, albeit a sad one, but still an experience... Time has put everything in its place - it has shown who is a real friend, and who was just pretending to be one...
Now my best friend is my husband! I trust him with everything! Yes! Exactly EVERYTHING! He is the most understanding, the most sensitive, the most devoted!!! I am grateful to fate. that I have it! That's why I wouldn't want to change anything in my life! Perhaps if I had changed something, something would have gone wrong and I would not have met him! Everything in life is balanced! And for every traitor, they will definitely find a faithful and devoted friend! (Perhaps I'm a fatalist on this issue....)
23.11.2011 10:06
Recently, an unusual service has been operating in Saransk, the main goal of which is to reconcile quarreling people. If a person does not have the courage to apologize in person, the Apology Service specialists will do it for him: they will call him on the phone, come home and ask for forgiveness. Everything, of course, is not free, but if there is no obvious way out of the conflict, then maybe it’s worth taking the risk. True, the sorry center does not guarantee that after their services you will definitely be forgiven and understood.
We apologise!
“I’ll tell you for sure: we will break the ice, and the conflicting parties will definitely think about their relationships,” says Petr Yurkov, organizer of the Apology Service. – The idea to create an Apology Service arose spontaneously, but quite a lot of time passed before it was brought to life. Previously, I worked in one of the companies in Saransk as a marketer and one day I received an assignment from my superiors to call about 50 clients with whom all contact had been lost, despite the fact that the company and clients parted on not friendly terms. Calling clients did not give a positive result - no one wanted to talk to me.
I decided to look on the Internet how to resolve such situations, read literature on conflict management. For the word “apologize,” the search engine returned a ton of phone numbers for apology services in various cities. I became interested in this, read it and... forgot about it for a while.
A year passed before I began to bring my idea to life. I organized an Apology Service with a government subsidy: the city Employment Center approved my business plan and allocated funds to organize the Service under the Employment Assistance Program.
Our staff is still small - only one professional psychologist, and despite the fact that we have only recently offered our unusual services, they are in great demand by the residents of Saransk. Which, to be honest, we didn’t expect.”
What exactly does the Saransk “forgiveness agency” do? “We have a wide range of services: we apologize, we can congratulate, express gratitude, smooth out a conflict, confess something for someone on any topic,” says Ekaterina Pinyaykina, a psychologist at the Apology Service. – We find out the essence of the client’s problem and select the words necessary to restore the relationship. Moreover, these words are not of a general nature, but formulated specifically taking into account the current situation. The next task is to deliver everything to the recipient. This can be done in several ways: via SMS, email, as well as by regular mail, by phone and in person. Alternatively, the client can use the apology service only to receive advice and assistance in organizing an apology, but carry out the procedure independently. At the same time, we can send a courier with a postcard, a bouquet of flowers, a box of chocolates, or a toy - at the customer’s choice.”
Sorry for the adultery!
Saransk Service most often apologizes for others over the phone. Sometimes a letter of apology is sent by courier, or the psychologist himself brings an apology to the house. It all depends on how bad the relationship between people is and whether there is a desire to shake hands with each other. Although the conflict resolution service has only recently been operating, it has already saved one Saransk family from divorce.
“We recently had a very difficult case,” says Petr Yurkov. – In order to resolve the conflict, the psychologist had to go to the offended person, or rather the offended person, and ask for forgiveness. An older man approached us, he already has grandchildren, in general, a real family man. His problem was very delicate - he accidentally cheated on his wife and was very sorry for it. Moreover, he could not even explain to himself why he was drawn to the left in his old age. The man was very ashamed of his fleeting weakness.
But, as they say, no matter how much the string twists... - in general, the wife found out about the betrayal and started a scandal. The golden wedding is just around the corner, and the wife filed for divorce and began dividing property. The pensioner could not bear such a blow and decided to save his family at all costs.”
“We wrote an apology text to him, he bought flowers and went to explain,” continues Ekaterina Pinyaykina. - Two days later he comes - guys, help me out, it didn’t help: I threw out the bouquet, and stuffed the paper with an apology into my collar - let’s do something, the family is collapsing.
We composed a new text, and he and I went to his wife. The offended lady did not kick us out, she listened, I gave many compelling arguments why it was worth saving the family and why it was not worth scattering in the end of life. Our client was terribly worried at that moment and just silently nodded his head. Apparently, everything was sorted out for them - this man didn’t turn to us for help again.”
A tyrant boss can be pacified
The apology service works in several directions at once, but it considers orders for apologies to be the main ones. So, a customer can ask a specialist to apologize on his behalf to a relative, spouse, friend, business partner, colleague, and so on. But with the help of a sorry agency, you can not only ask for forgiveness, but also confess your feelings, invite you on dates (perhaps even for the first time), express resentment, and so on.
“When our service was conceived, we chose apologies as the main focus and were committed to this work,” says Petr Yurkov. “But in the very first days, the profile of our services expanded significantly. On the second day of the Apology Service, three men, stern and personable, came to our office. We somehow felt uneasy, but it turned out that they came with a specific problem that they could not solve on their own.
They work in one of the Saransk companies. They had one complaint - the boss behaves inappropriately towards his employees: he constantly shouts, can swing a ruler, humiliate, insult. According to young people, it has become simply impossible to work - there is a tense atmosphere in the team and employees go to work as if they were doing hard labor. The task was the following: to delicately tell the high authorities that it was not appropriate to behave this way.
We prepared the text, I called this boss, introduced myself and told him what complaints the team had against him. To be honest, I was very worried myself. He, surprisingly, listened in silence and after a long pause said that he would take into account all the wishes of the work collective and this would not happen again. After some time, our clients called back and reported that the boss was still behaving peacefully.”
If you want, we’ll ask for a fur coat!
Since psychologists decided to reconcile everyone, there has been no end to customers - those who cannot ask for forgiveness directly. Psychologists explain the demand for this unusual service by the lack of real communication. As employees of the Saransk Apology Service note, both women and men seek help equally. Quite a few among the clientele and young people. “Young people today sometimes cannot apologize even for trivial things,” says psychologist Ekaterina Pinyaykina. “The other day a student came to us and asked to apologize to his mother for coming home drunk at night and yelling at his mother.
Pride often prevents people from asking for forgiveness, as they say, face to face: they are afraid to show their emotions. That's why they turn to us.
The other day, a young woman asked us to congratulate her old friend on her birthday and at the same time apologize for past grievances: the women had not communicated for several years. Of course, we fulfilled this request, but it is unknown whether the ex-girlfriends reconciled.”
Men do not shy away from requests to make peace through intermediaries: they arrived late, stayed late at work, forgot to congratulate their beloved - all the reasons and reasons are countless.
But there are also orders of a different nature. Recently, a resident of Saransk, a young and very wealthy lady, contacted the Apology Service. “She wanted a new and, of course, very expensive fur coat,” says the psychologist, “but her husband refused her this request more than once - this lady already had 8 (!) natural fur coats in her wardrobe, therefore, in the opinion of a sensible husband, the ninth update was already overkill.
At her request, she had to draw up a psychologically competent appeal in order to put pressure on her husband’s emotional strings. It was supposed to convince the man of the need for a new purchase. I think that our client resolved her “fur coat” issue positively.”
Don't hurt each other!
Despite the multi-tasking, the service employees receive the most orders for apologies - the professionals make them so beautiful and delicate that it is impossible to resist. As the sorry agency notes, as a rule, offended residents of Saransk listen to apologetic messages from their offenders, sometimes being taken aback by this method of apology. But the Saransk apology service does not take responsibility for a successful outcome. “Although practice shows that a well-presented apology does not give you a chance to remain offended,” says the psychologist. “But people often wait for requests for forgiveness and are ready to forgive at any moment.”
In addition to apologies for past missteps, residents of Saransk can also request forgiveness for future misdeeds. Among the cases for which experts suggest apologizing in advance are, in particular, going to a drinking establishment with friends or being late at work.
There are no regular customers in the Apology Service. Still, the majority of townspeople ask for forgiveness on their own for the grievances caused. And psychologists advise everyone to ask each other for forgiveness as often as possible. And preferably without their help. After all, a relationship is a matter of two, and the third is, as a rule, superfluous.
"Evening Saransk"
The basis of any relationship is communication. The more pleasant it is to talk to a person, the better we begin to treat him. Live speech plays a huge role in building social connections. And in general, if it weren’t for the speech, we might still be sitting in the trees with our comrades, not knowing grief. There would not have been all the intricate history of mankind, international methods of transmitting information, new discoveries that determined the development of our future, wars or even declarations of love.
We choose like-minded people as friends, those with whom we are interested and pleasant to spend our free time. But any relationship tends to change under the yoke of various factors. And it would be good if it were in a positive direction, but sometimes unpleasant things happen - a “crisis”. This is exactly the case when people, having different ideas about equally different things, quarrel, get offended, or even break up. And it is because of these grievances that we suffer the most! Sometimes a careless word thrown with heat in a passionate quarrel can destroy a long-term and serious relationship. And then, when the storm subsides and the realization of what has been done comes, the unwitting offender puts his tail between his legs and does not know what to do. It is clear that you need to apologize, but how and in what words - few can imagine.
In fact, it is precisely for such purposes that apology services were created. A group of specialists helps, for a certain amount of money, to establish relationships and help the person apologize competently. It all happens as follows: the client comes to the apology service at a special address and asks for help in a difficult matter. The bottom line is that the method of reconciliation is determined by the customer himself, and representatives of “apology” services help him beautifully and correctly formulate his idea and implement it. A person entrusts the fate of the further development of spoiled relationships into someone else’s, albeit professional, hands and burdens himself only with waiting for a response from the “victim.” Similar agencies appeared on the territory of Ukraine (in cities such as Kyiv, Dnepropetrovsk, Dneprodzerzhinsk, Lvov) relatively recently, but they are already boldly taking their position in the service market. Asking for forgiveness, as they say, eye to eye, according to experts, is often not allowed by pride: people are afraid to show their real emotions, they are afraid of being rejected or unheard. And the main reason for this inexplicable fear is that people are simply embarrassed to express themselves. It is the lack of self-confidence and the fear of accepting responsibility for what they have done that leads people to turn to this type of service. But there are no regular clients in the service who apologize, because they say that they don’t come to see a good doctor a second time with the same problem. The crisis of a once brightly burning relationship can plunge you into a state of severe stress. At such moments, people especially lack warmth and attention.
As already mentioned, such a “universal” service also exists in Dnepropetrovsk. Psychologists work there, since these people best know the characteristics of the human psyche and are able to choose an approach to every offended heart.
“Who haven’t we reconciled already! - psychologist-psychotherapist Marina Ivanova, an employee of the Apology Service, says with a smile. - And business partners who found themselves in unpleasant situations, and sons-in-law who quarreled with their mothers-in-law, and relatives who had not seen each other for years... There were also funny incidents. For example, with students of one of the local universities. When, at a lecture on foreign literature, the teacher went very deeply into character, talking about the love lyrics of African poets, the group could not stand it and laughed in unison. The teacher ran away from the classroom in tears... And no matter how many times the students tried to make peace with the offended teacher, it was all in vain: the woman did not accept an apology. Only when professionals from the Apology Service got down to business did the merry fellows receive the long-awaited forgiveness (the session was just around the corner!). From the words of the students, I compiled a detailed psychological portrait of the teacher, based on it I developed a text, which I spoke to the offended woman on the phone. And to consolidate the success, I also came up with a kind epigram for the situation itself. The mischievous group wrote it on a poster and hung it in the audience in front of the next couple, which finally reconciled the parties to the conflict.”
However, according to the same psychologists, an apology through an intermediary can be perceived both as a sign of attention and as an insult. Such a clever move: he apologized, but at the same time is not ready to admit the scale of the disaster. Our culture of communication is ambitious, and an apology is sometimes equated with humiliation. It is believed that if a person apologizes, this immediately reduces his status and makes him weak. On the other hand, technology is confusing, and a big question arises: “Is the apology made from the heart?” So it turns out that people don’t hear each other, a wall grows up, built by them themselves.
No matter how banal the words “Forgive me when I was wrong” or “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you” may seem, sometimes they are really difficult to say out loud. And although in our hearts we have already managed to repent and apologize more than three hundred times, in reality we continue to wait for the weather by the sea, because it is difficult, and ashamed, and scary. But a relationship is a matter of two, and the third one is, as a rule, superfluous, so it is advisable to correct mistakes yourself, without the help of strangers.
Anna Lysenko
Business idea No. 1493
An entrepreneur from Dnepropetrovsk created a business based on the ability to apologize. According to statistics, only 15% of people are able to ask for forgiveness themselves, so the help of specialists was in great demand.
Entrepreneur Marina Ivanova from Dnepropetrovsk organized a business that is built on a valuable quality - the ability to apologize. The idea of organizing a forgiveness service came to Marina in June 2009, when she worked at the April Center for Psychology and Development. Then she helped an entrepreneur from Dnepropetrovsk draft a letter of apology and a request for reconciliation to business partners. Suddenly, the new service became very popular among clients, and Marina started thinking about opening her own business.
To find out whether the service will be in demand, Marina conducted a survey among clients of the psychological center, which showed that 70-80% of them do not know how to improve relationships with relatives, employees and friends. It took a month and a half and two thousand dollars of start-up capital to open our own psychological forgiveness service, which was spent on registration and advertising.
Three months after the opening of the forgiveness service, orders began to arrive not only from her native Dnepropetrovsk, but also from other cities - Lugansk, Sumsk, etc. Marina decided to serve non-resident clients too. They began to receive consultations over the phone and send letters by e-mail. Around the same time, proposals for cooperation began to arrive: entrepreneurs from Dneprodzerzhinsk, Kyiv, Odessa, and Chernigov offered to replicate the promising service.
An hour-long consultation with a psychologist who analyzes the course of events, the cause of the conflict, and the psychological characteristics of both sides costs 100 hryvnia. A letter of forgiveness or text of a message is drawn up after such a consultation, and the client either voices it to the offended party himself, or this is done by the forgiveness service for a fee. Moreover, the scenario of a meeting with the offender can also be different - from a simple phone call for 15 hryvnia to an enchanting date with an orchestra, flowers and champagne.
As for guarantees of a successful outcome of events, the forgiveness service does not provide such guarantees. They help to dot the i’s and relieve the client of stress and anxiety about a protracted conflict. The success rate of apologies is not tracked. But in case of failure, the client most often turns again for psychological help and consultation.
According to expert psychologists, the Sorry service has good prospects for development. According to statistics, only 15% of people are able to ask for forgiveness on their own, the remaining 85% do not know how to apologize at all. Therefore, the help of professional psychologists and specialists who can correctly express thoughts on paper is in demand. In addition, the success of the Sorry-service project is also facilitated by the general situation in the country: the economic crisis, mass layoffs.
Marina Ivanova's psychological forgiveness service is not afraid of competitors. She is sure that only professional psychologists can create such a Sorry service. The entrepreneur plans to expand the range of services.
14.12.2009 23:03:41Selections of the best business ideas 2018
A modern person should not be surprised if one day a sweet voice on the phone says: “We have received an order from your friend, she asked you to apologize for forgetting that it is your birthday.”
Judging by the abundance of advertisements on the Internet about this service, being forgiven is now in fashion. Sorry centers have appeared in almost every city. What does a modern Russian apologize for? What are the dangers of apologizing through an intermediary? And is there demand for a new service? The RG correspondent tried to understand these issues.
“If you quarreled with your loved one, forgot about someone’s birthday, were late for a meeting, said hurtful words... Are you ashamed and don’t have the courage to apologize? Or maybe your pride does not allow you to take the first step?.. Ask for it. us! We will compose a text, format it if desired, and deliver it by e-mail, mail or other accessible method,” promises the Sorry apology agency.
What floor do you live on? - the agency representative Svetlana asked enthusiastically.
We have now begun to practice industrial mountaineering. You descend from the roof using climbing equipment and knock on the window. If you are afraid, then our man will come down for you and apologize for you in poetic form. So that this is not a shock for the person receiving the apology, our manager is present with him, who says that now there will be a surprise on your behalf. It costs from 10 to 15 thousand.
In general, the option of going down from the roof and knocking on the window was quite suitable for me. It’s a pity that the agency and its creative representatives ended up in the Kemerovo region.
“It’s too far,” Svetlana also became sad. - Then all that remains is by phone. We will apologize in poetic form on your behalf.
An apology over the phone costs 300 rubles in Novokuznetsk. You can also use the economy option (200 rubles) - an apology by email. In addition to apologies, this same agency also practices congratulations and declarations of love. For some reason, congratulations are more expensive than recognition. If a declaration of love during a personal meeting costs 700 rubles, then congratulations during the same personal meeting are 300 rubles more expensive. Probably, saying “Maria, Ivan asked me to tell you that he loves you immensely” is much easier than reading out a congratulation in verse. The same services, but with the presentation of a bouquet, are 500 rubles more expensive.
Natalia Yankina from Yekaterinburg will soon celebrate one year since her first apology.
This is probably the best I can do,” she admits shyly. “Once my boyfriend jokingly suggested: let’s do an apology service.” And I’ve long dreamed of helping people, but I didn’t even think that you could help by apologizing for someone.
Natasha is thirty-one. In the apology service, she is the only employee, although sometimes she works with an assistant. Recently, Natalia tried to hire a professional psychologist to help her, but after interviews she was disappointed in the representatives of this specialty.
It seems like a noble profession - helping people, but their first priority is payment,” she laments, “the first thing they asked was: “How much will you pay?”
The chief apology specialist regrets that there are now fewer orders for conscription in Yekaterinburg.
“People are probably embarrassed to express themselves,” Natasha suggests.
One day Natalia had to not apologize, but confess her love. To a man. His reaction completely embarrassed Natasha, he almost burst into tears. Later, however, it turned out that the presence of a husband prevented the customer from communicating her feelings on her own. Another time, at the request of a client, Natasha reminded his friend that there are such concepts as love and fidelity. It turned out that the client's wife was cheating on him with this friend.
“I was very unpleasant,” Natalia admits. - I’ll tell you frankly: there is a danger of being a mediator in dubious matters. But I take orders very seriously, and it happens that I don’t accept some.
What do your clients most often ask for forgiveness for?
“For being hot-tempered,” she replies.
However, according to psychologist Olga Makhovskaya, an apology through an intermediary can only be perceived as some kind of sign of attention.
This is some kind of lighter version, shallow repentance, she is convinced. - Such a clever move: he apologized, but at the same time is not ready to admit the scale of the disaster. No, on the one hand, it’s nice that people are starting to realize the importance of this action. Our culture of communication is ambitious, and an apology is sometimes equated with humiliation. It is believed that if a person apologizes, this immediately lowers his status and makes him weak. This is especially true for men who are very careful about their dominance and do not understand that a well-timed apology can change their life. On the other hand, the technology is confusing, and the big question is whether the apology was made from the heart.
“I don’t agree that this is commercialization,” Natalia Yankina objects. - Sincerity cannot be bought or sold. It’s a shame that now in the world everything comes down to just this “buy and sell.” People have forgotten how to take responsibility. That’s why we are needed now, at this very time. In order to somehow smooth out the relationship, to preserve it, and not to worsen it. People can't hear each other now. Some kind of wall is growing, built by them themselves. I think that with our help they will hear each other more quickly.
You see,” Olga Makhovskaya protests, “there are no studies that would show that such a service helps a person with complexes take the first step and after that his life begins to be completely different. I would classify these services as jokes. In my opinion, they form a kind of relaxed attitude towards life and relationships. We don’t want to suffer, we don’t want to stress, we want life to be comfortable, so that there is no pricking or stinging anywhere. These attitudes towards an easy life are very strong among young people, and this causes concern.
You are in vain to say - we make the client’s task easier,” Natalia replies. - For example, you need to make a sincere confession in order for it to be appreciated. But sometimes a person is not ready to listen, feels bad, and is not inclined. And thanks to mediation services, a person will not miss this opportunity and will be able to prepare. One girl left the family because of an absurd insult, but after my call she stayed,” Natalia recalls her victories. - It shocked me so much, I didn’t expect such an effect!
Explain why it’s still not possible to do the same thing, but without you?
This is the whole zest, the mystery, the riddle,” Yankina passionately convinces me. - There is a time to leave some understatement for later, so that later you can complement it with your presence. This was especially appreciated by those who tried it at least once.
Does someone always open the door for you?
They open the door, but it happens with a dissatisfied face,” says the head of the apology service. - One day, a very angry and pouty girl somehow agreed to listen to me, her face read: “Okay, so be it, I’ll listen.”
And still, personally, it would be unpleasant for me to receive such a routine, routine apology-congratulation-recognition,” sums up psychologist Olga Makhovskaya. - Although I take such services calmly: if you don’t want it, don’t take it.