The death of a loved one is the most tragic event in the life of every person. At the hour of remembrance, it is difficult to find the right words that would express all the grief. The funeral speech at the wake should be given by a person who can control his feelings, not delay its duration, and express the right words of consolation. How to correctly say that the deceased was a wonderful person? How to express his best qualities in words and not go too far? Familiarize yourself with the ethics of remembrance and the basic rules of what is said at a funeral.
Speech at the wake
Funeral has a strong emotional impact on family members, therefore the funeral speech at the wake must be delivered by a strong-willed and mentally stable person. Most often, this responsibility is assigned to the children of the deceased, spouses, and parents.
Long sentences and phrases “about nothing” are for debates, not funeral speeches. Don't make long, pretentious speeches. Your speech must be sincere.
The funeral speech at a wake must be laconic and extremely precise; it cannot be read from a piece of paper. Lack of preparation or drunk appearance will be perceived by loved ones as disrespect for the deceased. Don’t retell a person’s whole life - it’s better to tell those gathered about the most striking episode from his life, an achievement that everyone will remember.
The main thing is that the situation you describe demonstrates the deceased from the best side and shows his positive qualities. It will be good if you cite an action that you personally highly valued. Even in the most grouchy person you can find a couple of good qualities:
- One can say about a tight-fisted person: “Caution and foresight are traits that we could learn from the deceased.”
- About the suspicious: “He had a great understanding of people.”
- About the grouchy: “The deceased taught me to look at the world critically.”
- About stupid: “He was such a gullible and naive person.”
- About the arrogant “He knew what he wanted from life and realistically assessed his capabilities.”
It would be appropriate if you briefly share about your personal relationship with the deceased. Talk about a concern or good deed that had an impact on you, and express confidence that the significance of the deceased is shared by everyone who gathered at the wake. Do not resort to banality and an abundance of adverbial phrases, try to speak from the heart!
The eulogy at a wake should not include the failures or shortcomings of the deceased. Mention the moral maxim to which he adhered and move smoothly to summing up. Tell us about the benefits that the deceased brought to people and the significance of his life. End your speech with an epitaph or the traditional words “Eternal memory” or “May he rest in peace.”
Examples of funeral speeches at funerals
Begin your speech at a funeral with an introduction. Focus on these examples of speech at a wake:
“I would like to introduce myself to those who do not know me: my name is Andrey and I have worked with Oleg in recent years. Therefore, I would like to express memorable words about him. Everyone at work knew Oleg as a specialist in his field and a professional with a capital P. Young colleagues always learned his skills and used useful advice.
He was a very sympathetic person, always listened to others and tried to help them. Oleg could easily cheer up anyone who was upset or upset about something. He always shined at corporate events and entertained us during lunch breaks, so we will miss him very much. There is no other person like this in our team and, most likely, there will not be. We will all miss Oleg greatly. He will forever remain in my memory as a model of sincerity, activity and cheerfulness. Rest in peace, friend!
“My name is Olga and I want to express words in memory of my grandmother. Sofia Andreevna had a difficult fate. Her mother raised her with her younger sisters during the difficult post-war years. They lived very poorly, but my grandmother never lost her fortitude and optimistic attitude.
She always helped her mother with housework and tried to take care of her younger sisters. Years later, she married her grandfather, who served in the military. Under any circumstances, my grandmother maintained order in the house and taught us all to do so. In my childhood, she was always strict, but at the same time fair. I'm glad she taught me neatness and neatness, the ability to organize my life and keep everything clean. Her apple charlotte has always been incomparable; no one can repeat this recipe! My most beloved grandmother, I will always remember and love you. Your care and warmth will always be with us, rest in peace.”
Speech at the wake for 40 days
The placement of the grave is the main part of the ritual on this date. Take a candle and a couple of flowers with you. Place them on the grave, light a candle and say a few words about the deceased. An atmosphere of peace and tranquility should be maintained; loud conversations and noisy speeches should be avoided. On the 40th day after death, all the relatives and friends of the deceased gather at the funeral table. Its purpose is to remember the person, discuss his best qualities and meanings for life. A speech at a wake 40 days after death can begin with the following words:
- “It’s already been 40 days since…”
- “Grandfather was a very kind and positive person. Do you remember his famous jokes..."
- “40 days ago we said goodbye to...”
- “Our grandmother loved her granddaughters more than life itself...”
- “For 40 days now I have been trying to cope with the pain of losing my mother...”
Speech at the wake for 1 year
On the anniversary of the death of a loved one, it is customary to invite a large number of people and gather everyone at the family table (or at a buffet table). It is customary to set a lavish table, but not to brag about luxury and abundance of delicacies. You can prepare several strong drinks for the memorial. For 1 year she is prepared with a special speech. Everyone speaks freely about the deceased, recalls interesting episodes from life and simply discusses their relationship with him in a positive way.
Funeral speech for mother, for wife (examples)
The loss of a loved one is a difficult loss for family members. Speech at mom's wake children should pronounce it: “ Relatives and friends! Our family suffered great grief. The most important component of my life, my mother, has passed away. She was very wise and modest; everyone could envy her sense of tact and talents. She can be called a real homemaker.
Speech at wife's wake is expressed by the one who was closest to the deceased, that is, the husband. " On this day, it’s hard for me to hold back my tears and express everything that’s on my heart. My support, my best friend and the love of my life - Ksyushenka - was gone. Everyone knew her as a very kind woman who always tried to help and support her friends.
In our family, it was my wife who was the main one - she knew how to organize life, find an approach to everyone, listen and give advice. Thanks to her, harmony and love always reigned in our home. Rest in peace my dear, we will always remember you."
Funeral speech for father, for husband (examples)
A speech at a wake for a father from his children might look like this: « From early childhood, my sister and I perceived our father as a standard of fortitude that we wanted to strive for. We admired his character traits, motivation and doing the right thing. From childhood, he laid down the main quality - there is nothing more important than family.
He taught us to be strong and kind, to achieve our goals and never give up on our dreams. Those around him appreciated his father for his mutual assistance and integrity; he always helped others and did not demand anything in return. Unfortunately, the best are always the first to leave, and this happened to our dad. His words and actions will forever remain in our hearts."
Variant of speech at husband's wake: « Good afternoon to everyone who has gathered to remember my husband. It is very difficult to gather my thoughts and express in words everything for which I loved dear Anton. On the day we met, he captivated me with his sense of humor and spontaneity; later I began to like him even more for his kindness and fortitude, for his support and desire to help others.
When he asked if I wanted to marry him, I didn't hesitate for a second. He raised our children with a balance of sternness and kindness, setting an example for them every day and helping them in all their endeavors. I could always rely on him. Dear Anton, we will always remember and love you."
Funeral speech at a funeral text - farewell words spoken in memory of the deceased by his family and friends. They are pronounced over the grave of the buried with all their hearts. The speaker talks about important and significant events associated with this person, his achievements, and also speaks on the good side about the character and personality of the deceased. It is advisable if he says this orally, and not reads it from a piece of paper.
Funeral speech
Quite a lot of people attend funerals and wakes. Mostly these are relatives and friends of the deceased, but there are others - colleagues, acquaintances, school friends and others. As a rule, the head of the family or the oldest and closest person is the first to pronounce the funeral words. If he is in a strong emotional state, then others present can speak at the wake.
Funeral speech example:
“My grandmother was a wonderful person with a difficult but interesting life. She, along with her three younger brothers and sister, were raised by her mother alone during the difficult post-war years. To say that they lived poorly then would be an understatement. She had to endure many difficulties and hardships, but she never lost her optimism and presence of mind, constantly helping her mother and taking care of the younger members of the family. And later, having married her military grandfather, she steadfastly endured all the hardships of service. In any circumstances, she always maintained exemplary order at home and taught all family members to do so. Grandma was sometimes strict, but fair. I am glad that I managed to learn from her neatness and order, the ability to organize my life. And her famous apple pies were simply incomparable, no one else could do them! I will always remember you, my dear, beloved grandmother! Your warmth, love and care will remain with us forever.”
If others don’t know you well, then at the beginning of your speech you should introduce yourself and explain under what circumstances you met the deceased. The funeral speech should contain words of gratitude towards the deceased and reflect his positive qualities. You can mention any significant moment that occurred with the participation of the deceased.
Funeral words for 40 days:
“I’ll introduce myself for those who don’t know me: my name is (name). We have worked together with (name of deceased) for the past few years and I would like to say a few words in memory of him. He was a true professional in his field, a Specialist with a capital S. Many of our colleagues, young and not only, learned the basics of their craft from him and often used his advice and help. He was very patient and responsive, he could always listen to everyone who turned to him for support, advise something, help out, and never refused anyone’s requests. He could perfectly lift the spirits of anyone who was upset, confused or depressed about something. The countless funny stories, toasts, jokes and anecdotes he told could amuse anyone. We will all greatly miss him at our dinner gatherings and corporate events, where he invariably shone at the table, lifting our morale. There is no other person like him in our team. And maybe it won’t be in my memory anymore. We will all miss him greatly. Until the end of his life, he will remain in my memory and the memory of all our colleagues as an example of perseverance, sparkling cheerfulness, activity and professionalism! Rest in peace, dear colleague!”
It is advisable if you prepare the words for the wake in advance and memorize them. Because a well-formulated text will sound good and be perceived by others. And sluggish, boring speech with hesitations can be regarded as disrespect for the deceased and his family. If you are afraid that you will forget the words, you can take with you a piece of paper with a sample of the funeral speech. You need to pronounce words clearly and slowly. You need to speak confidently and so that others can hear you, but not too loudly.
Speech at a wake examples
Funeral words on the anniversary of death (from a colleague):
"Friends! The deceased worked honestly at the (name) enterprise for more than twenty years. We all knew him as a decent, honest and modest person. They were valued for their skillful hands and reliable character. We will miss his many invisible but irreplaceable contributions to the work! The bright memory of him will remain in our hearts!”
Speech at the wake 1 year (from friends):
“Friends, the best of us has gone to another world. We are all deeply saddened. Our souls are bleeding from untimely loss. The deceased was a support to all of us. He was the first to help and did not wait for requests or complaints. His kind heart and wide soul were always open. He was a clear light and guide in a difficult and dangerous world for all of us, his friends! May the soul of this magnificent man rest in peace! We will always remember him with a feeling of light sadness mixed with secret melancholy!”
Memorial speech for 40 days (from relatives):
“All his life, our father was a worthy example not only to his children, but also to those around him. In everyday life, he demonstrated a wise understanding of true values, kindness and devotion. Any person left him with an enlightened soul. And to us, his children, our father instilled a love for people, a high sense of responsibility and devotion to the Motherland. We consider his departure unfairly early. Eternal, blessed memory to him!”
“Our grandfather was a very kind and good person. His path was long and difficult. He perceived all the difficulties that befell the country as his own. He worked and raised children without complaining about the lack of benefits, lack of food or amenities. He raised children and was a support for his grandchildren. This magnificent man will be greatly missed by all of us. May his memory be blessed!”
Words of condolences are expressed not only during funerals, but also on days of remembrance of the deceased. They say a speech at funerals 40 days later, a year from the date of death, as well as during Parents' Saturdays and other Orthodox holidays. Speeches can be made both at the cemetery and during funeral dinners.
What do they say at funerals? At this event, all deceased relatives and friends are remembered. They remember what they were like during life, what they were interested in, what they loved. Words of condolences are spoken and the blessed memory of the deceased is honored. It is forbidden to say anything bad about the deceased or to recall old grievances. It’s either good or nothing, says the popular saying.
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Funeral poems
In addition to the funeral speech, condolences can be expressed in poetry or toasts. These options are more suitable for a wake than for the funeral itself. For example, memorial poems are read on the anniversary of death. They can be written with your own hand or taken ready-made. If you do not have the opportunity to personally attend the wake, you can express your condolences by posting memorial poems in the newspaper.
***
Two tears fell into the flowers,
Two big, pink roses!
From my tormented soul
Hopeless tears rolled out!
They see my wet eyes
Something they don't believe in at all
What you can never change
What is measured with pain and tears!
My heart beats stubbornly
And desperately doesn't want to know
That you can no longer see your beloved eyes,
And you can no longer hug your dear ones!!!
***
You have always been an example to us,
As a person with a pure soul.
And the memory of you is alive
In the hearts and souls of your loved ones.
***
People close to us are leaving.
Do not realize that - forever,
Do not exhaust all the pain of separation,
And he hits backhand - never.
We won't see them, we won't hear them,
We won't ask, we won't talk,
Although, as before, we breathe them,
We love them, we wait for them, we adore them.
Ridiculous, strange, impossible,
That dawn has come again,
Call, scream or cry heart-rendingly,
And there are no more loved ones nearby.
***
We cannot understand or comprehend
Can't survive, can't overcome,
That the chariot of life circles,
As it was before, exactly the same.
The sun is shining and the air is so fresh,
What days it is, but it’s very sad.
Gone is the beautiful hope from hopes
And again my heart is sad and empty.
There has been silence in the apartment for six months now,
Everything there is yours and it’s hard to believe in it.
I would drink the cup of grief to the dregs,
But it still cannot be measured.
I really want to come to you again,
Kiss and just be with you.
With hope to resist in the fight,
Argue with illness and disease.
The further you go, the more immeasurable the depth
The abyss that has come between us
Like you now, like in childhood, I need you,
But it is impossible to beg with tears.
I'm strong, you know I can do it
After all, you and I have been through so much.
I am forever in your debt,
You are an eternal piece in my world.
I'll bring you flowers and stand
And the heart will touch with its wound.
And you will feel how much I love you
My beloved, only mother.
***
Memorial verses for 1 year:
You died too early
Words cannot express our pain.
Sleep, dear, you are our pain and wound,
The memory of you is always alive.
***
We come here
To put flowers,
It’s very difficult, dear,
We can live without you.
***
The Great Tribulation cannot be measured,
Tears won't help my grief.
You are not with us, but forever
You will not die in our hearts.
***
Where do all the dreams go?
And why don't they return?
How we experience pain
After all, they were happy once.
Like waking up every day
Understand that this is all reality,
How painful it is to remember that day
When everything in life changed.
***
My soul is worried without you,
You don't need girlfriends or friends.
Why is it possible without millions?
Why is it impossible without one?
***
I don't rock you in your crib
I come again to the cold fence
I will fix the fallen wreath
And I will sing to you, dear son...
***
They usually leave without saying goodbye,
Without whispering my last words,
Perhaps without going on a long journey,
On that long road of dreams and dreams.
Just yesterday they smiled sweetly at us,
Their eyes emitted a bright light,
And as always, waiting for us to visit,
We dreamed of giving our friendly advice.
They, like all of us, really wanted to live,
And every moment brought them joy,
We didn’t have time to do everything we wanted to do,
They still had so much strength.
At some point, everything broke off,
Someone from above told them their deadline,
The soul rushed about in confusion,
That she didn’t even have time to tell us a few words.
Even if they are not with us, we love them,
And we remember joyful days,
And our heart will never forget them,
It’s as if they are somewhere nearby.
***
We are sad and sad
And there are no other feelings.
Let's remember all the parents,
Let's remember all our relatives!
Let's remember all those who have passed away,
In the prime of his life,
Brothers and sisters of the dead,
Friends and strangers!
They once lived
And they made us happy
Laughed and loved
They took care of us.
A long time ago or recently
They are no longer with us
And reverently to the grave
We bring a bouquet!
In fast-flowing time
We don’t remember other things,
But you are family to us
More than alive!
We ask You, Lord,
About mercy alone,
Forgive their sins, Lord,
May their souls rest!
***
Among those who love there is agreement
Among the lonely there is only pain
Among those deceived by love - revenge
And among the dead - memory and separation
***
Death took you away on a path of no return
And brought me beyond the boundaries of existence.
Here I dissolved in the quiet echo of the alarm
A life lived “in Russian” is yours.
And all that was in the heart before was pain and rage,
Dreams, hopes, faith and love -
In the space of space it suddenly invisibly disintegrated,
But maybe it will be reborn in someone again.
And there are white-trunked birches near the grave,
When the moon is silent in the night,
Tears and dew fall before the clear dawns of the earth,
That the mother's eyes did not drain to the bottom.
***
Your watch has stopped. how you didn’t want to leave!!!
But the heart has stopped beating, and we can’t bring you back,
You've been through a lot in your life,
War and famine, but you survived in spite of everyone.
Your clock ticks in your friends' houses, everyone loved you! you've always been lucky!
Giving life to your family’s watches, you poured your breath into them.
You lubricated their hearts and eased the hours of suffering.
But you couldn’t help yourself, and it’s useless to lubricate your heart.
I didn’t win this fight, I gave it all, I gave it all for free.
We gave you the warmth of our hearts, and we were always with you,
Our dear grandfather, father-in-law, father and father-in-law,
You were so afraid to be alone, you were so afraid to be with yourself.
But the black hag came to you, swinging her scythe and hitting you straight in the heart.
The clock has stopped, but the soul
Stayed with us, we are always with you, we are together.
February, frost, trees without leaves, and we haven’t learned to live without you.
You wanted to be with us so much, but alas
Your watch has stopped...
Funeral toasts
Funeral toasts at a wake are usually said at the table. They do not necessarily specify the identity of the deceased. You can express general condolences to all the deceased:
The grandfather sat in heaven and wept bitterly. A boy came up to him and asked why he was grieving. The old man answered him:
- There is a custom on earth - to drink for the repose of our souls. And then we are always full and with a full jug of wine. We are glad that the children remember us. And now I have an empty jug and that’s why I’m sad.
So let's drink to those who are not with us!
Friends, today is a day of sorrow. There was a time when we had fun and rejoiced with someone who left us. But today you and I drink this cup of sorrow ourselves, seeing off a person close to us on their last journey. Not everyone in the world was honored with the Dormition, like the Mother of God and other holy people. But we will keep in our hearts the good memory of our friend, having hope for resurrection and a new meeting in a new place. Let's drink to the dregs the wine of sadness!
In a wolf pack, the leader suddenly died without leaving a will. The wolves announced a meeting to elect a new leader. For three days they argued and squabbled, because each was afraid that the new leader would begin to take revenge on those who voted against him. When they were already hoarse from screaming, the old wise wolf stood up and said:
- Let's choose someone from outside our pack to be an impartial leader.
Everyone agreed and asked who. Then the wise old wolf suggested choosing a goat as leader. The wolves began to be indignant:
- We just didn’t have enough goats yet!
But the wise old wolf explained:
- Even though he is a goat, he has one advantage: if he starts causing chaos, he can always be bullied.
The wolves agreed with a laugh and called the goat. When they brought the goat trembling with fear, they said to him:
- Listen carefully! We will choose you as our leader if you don’t act like a jerk.
The goat became even more frightened and replied:
- I'm a goat. But I renounce my asshole past. I swear I will never be an asshole again.
The wolves made an approving noise and dedicated the goat to their leader.
“Now you are our leader,” said the old wise wolf. - You can order us whatever you want, and we will obey. Our fate is in your hands.
All the wolves, with their tails between their legs, nodded affirmatively and asked the goat to make a speech. The goat quickly jumped onto the rock, spread his legs wider, fluffed out his beard, stuck out his horns, looked around the silent flock with a slow gaze and bleated sternly:
- Well, which one of us is the goat?
So let's remember our glorious leaders!
Toasts at a wake can also be expressed in poetic form:
Blessed memory of those who have left us,
Let's drink to this now.
Let it be like granite in our hearts,
Preserves the memory of loved ones who have passed away.
Let all the good things that happened to them
A damp grave will not bury you.
No matter how long we keep the memory,
He will live with us for that long.
Funeral notes
You can also honor the memory of the deceased with the help of memorial notes. In churches there is a special table where there is a sample memorial note on which you can write it. A cross is placed at the very top of the sheet and marked “for repose.” Then the full names of the deceased are written in the genitive case and in church spelling (for example, Ivan - John), neatly and legibly. Usually about ten to fifteen names are written. Moreover, everyone who is written there must be baptized in the Orthodox Church.
In addition to the names, the note indicates which deceased person is: newly deceased - deceased for forty days after death or ever-memorable (worthy of constant remembrance) - deceased who has a memorable date on this day.
When going to a funeral or wake, it is important to remember etiquette. You need to behave delicately and tactfully. It is worth preparing words of condolences, which can be expressed through a funeral speech, memorial poems or toasts. An appropriate and competent speech will be appreciated with gratitude by the family and friends of the deceased.
After the funeral, the restless soul is between heaven and earth; Many relatives and close people of the deceased ask the main question of what happens to the soul on the 9th and 40th days of death. This is an important period for the deceased person, since it is decided where he will go next, where he will spend the rest of eternity in oblivion. The Holy Scripture says that 9 and 40 days after death are the beginning and end of the heavenly path; loved ones must help so that the soul goes to heaven and finds eternal peace.
Where does the soul reside after death?
According to believers, the souls of the deceased are immortal, and their afterlife fate is determined by the deeds done on earth during life - good or bad. In Orthodoxy, it is believed that the soul of the deceased does not immediately ascend to heaven, but at first remains in the places where the body previously lived. She will have to appear before God's Court, but in the meantime there is time to see her family and friends, say goodbye to them forever, and come to terms with the idea of her own death.
Where is the soul of the deceased until 9 days
The body is buried in a cemetery, but the soul of the deceased person is immortal. The Christian Church has established that the first day after death the soul is in confusion, cannot understand what is happening, and is afraid of separation from the body. On the second day, she wanders around her native place, remembers the best moments of her life, and observes the process of burying her own body. There are many places where the soul is after death, but all of them were once dear, close to the heart.
On the third day, she is ascended by angels to heaven, where the gates of paradise open. The soul is shown paradise, the opportunity to find eternal peace, a state of complete peace. On the fourth day, she is lowered underground and shown hell, where all the sins of the deceased and the payment for committing them during life are well known. The soul sees what is happening, waits for the Last Judgment, which begins on the ninth and ends on the fortieth day.
What happens to the soul on day 9
The question of why 9 days are celebrated after death has a well-reasoned answer. On this day, counted from the moment of death, the soul stands before God's court, where only the Almighty will decide where it will continue to spend eternity - in heaven or hell. Therefore, relatives and close people go to the cemetery, commemorate the deceased, and pray for his entry into heaven.
How to remember correctly
Knowing what happens on the 9th day after death, relatives must remember the deceased, and remember only the best and brightest things about his life and deeds. Church commemorations would not be out of place; for example, you can order a magpie for the repose, a memorial service or other Christian rituals in the church. This is only beneficial, plus the sincere faith of Orthodox Christians. God forgives the torment of sinners, and relatives and friends should not be too sad for the deceased. To remember correctly, you need:
- speak only good things about the deceased;
- set a modest table, exclude alcohol;
- remember only the good;
- do not laugh, do not have fun, do not rejoice;
- behave modestly, restrained.
What happens to the soul after 9 days
After the 9th day, the soul goes to hell, can clearly see all the torments of sinners, and sincerely repent. She must remember all her wrong actions, apologize, admit the wrongness of her own actions and thoughts. This is a difficult stage, so all relatives should only support the deceased in prayers, church rituals, thoughts, and memories. To reliably determine what happens to the deceased soul on the 9th and 40th days of death, it is necessary to resort to sacred scripture.
Where is the soul of the deceased until 40 days
Many people do not understand why they commemorate on 9 and 40 days. The answer is simple - this is the beginning and end of God's path, which the soul completes before receiving its place - in hell or heaven. It turns out that until the 40th day from the moment of death of the deceased, she is between heaven and earth, experiencing all the pain and melancholy of her family and loved ones. Therefore, you should not grieve too much, otherwise it will be even more difficult for the deceased person to find eternal peace.
Why are 40 days celebrated after death?
This is a memorial day - farewell to a restless soul. On this day she acquires her place in eternity, finds peace, and experiences humility. The soul, up to 40 days after death, is fragile and vulnerable, susceptible to other people’s thoughts, insults, and slander. She is torn from the inside by pain, but by the 40th day a deep calm comes - an awareness of her place in eternity. Then nothing happens, only oblivion, pleasant memories of the life lived.
How to remember correctly
Knowing what happens to the soul on the 9th and 40th days of death, loved ones should treat it with compassion and ease its torment. To do this, you shouldn’t feel too bad for the deceased, throw yourself on the deceased’s chest and jump into the grave at the funeral. Such actions will only make the soul worse, and it will experience acute mental anguish. It is better to grieve in thoughts, pray more and wish her “A land that will rest in peace.” All that is required from relatives is bright thoughts and complete humility that God ordered it this way, nothing can be changed.
It is necessary to correctly remember the deceased on the 9th, 40th day, every year on the day of his sudden death. This is an unpleasant event for the whole family, which must follow all the rules. So.
Sad events are confusing, at a crucial moment all words fly out of your head. The speech at the wake can be written in advance to control emotions.
Examples and order of what is said at the wake on the day of the funeral are presented in the table:
Funeral words must come from a pure heart. The constructed pattern only gives clues. Supplement your speech with colorful epithets, enthusiastic words about what a wonderful person the deceased was.
Remember the last parting words spoken to you, what the person who passed away taught you.
End the funeral speech with words of gratitude, make a promise that you will never forget the deceased, and that you will keep the memories deep in your heart.
According to Christian custom, the presentation can be concluded with a short joint prayer.
Advice! Don't make long, pretentious speeches. Keep your speech short and sincere.
How to behave and what to say at a wake on the day of a funeral?
When you first find yourself involved in such tragic circumstances, you should know the rules of how to behave at a funeral. In such cases, it is difficult to contain your emotions; you can offend others with your behavior.
A heavy burden falls on the shoulders of the relatives of the deceased: organizing the funeral and knowing the rules of behavior at such events.
- Black clothes. Women must cover their heads with a headscarf before entering the temple; men remove their hats.
It is customary to wear dark clothes, symbolizing longing for the deceased. Don't dress up or wear bright makeup; choose a modest outfit without vulgar cutouts.
- Organization. For a fee, all events will be planned by a special service.
Invite relatives, friends, and colleagues of the deceased to the wake. If a family does not want someone at the funeral, they should let the unwanted guest know.
- Set up a small first aid station. There are a lot of tears and grief at the funeral, and fainting is not excluded.
Pack a small first aid kit with sedatives and ammonia.
- Share the feast. After the feast, distribute food to those invited.
Important! Make sure that the wake does not turn into a celebration. Limit or completely eliminate alcohol. Follow the rules of table etiquette.
There are a few more mandatory points that guests need to consider before going to a funeral or memorial service:
- Buy a going away gift. Traditionally, they give a wreath of an even number of flowers with a memorable inscription: “to a beloved father from a loving son,” “to a friend, you were the best.”
The inscription can be anything, but not offensive.
- About the deceased it is either good or nothing. Even if your neighbor was boring all day long, remember, he always said hello and treated you with respect.
Express your condolences to the man's relatives.
- Do not refuse help if you are asked. Men are asked to carry the coffin lid, women carry flowers and look after children if necessary.
- Poetry of farewell speeches. Poems can be read if they are appropriate, it is better to limit yourself to short quatrains.
- During a wake, loved ones speak first. It is better for sister and brother to say goodbye in the middle of the event.
Farewell words at the funeral
Funeral orations in Christian canons are not always pronounced. To give the funeral a secular character, the participant in the ritual can publicly address the guests.
Says the words deceased mother's daughter, a close family friend. The moment is regrettable, because after farewell words the coffin is lowered into the grave pit.
The purpose of such words is to solemnly say goodbye, let go and wish for the kingdom of heaven.
To send off to another world, follow the rules of pronunciation of funeral words:
- You don't need to tell everyone. The speech should be given by a close person who knew the deceased well.
- Choose a person with a loud voice and good diction, emotionally stable. The daughter-in-law, giving her mother-in-law’s final speech, will cry loudly.
The best speeches at funerals are given by men.
- Choosing the right words is the art of calming. The performance should not injure family and friends.
- Talk about the best qualities of the deceased. Warm words will calm the soul of the deceased in the afterlife.
- Don't delay your speech speak no more than 5 minutes.
- Use the outline to write your speech. indicated in the table above. Tell us that in your life there was no one closer to your grandmother, remember your character, actions, how important it is that everyone gathered today for the last farewell.
Funeral words for 9 days, 40 days and 1 year
The more time passes, the less the pain of loss. It is customary to gather the family at a common table for 9, 40 days after death, a year later.
At the wake, the deceased is remembered with joy and warmth. They tell stories and eat traditional dishes.
Drinking is the trend of the secular world, In Christian customs, you can remember the deceased without wine.
Important! Poems are absolutely inappropriate at a funeral. But at a wake, touching poetry will come in handy, especially on the 9th, 40th day after death and on the anniversary.
The sincere and best option would be poems of your own composition addressed to the deceased.
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Things happen in life, for example, sometimes it ends. The event, of course, is quite unpleasant, but inevitable. And the relatives of the newly deceased are faced with questions: why is it so important to calculate 40 days after death, how to commemorate correctly, are there other important dates, what are there at the wake, and is it possible to somehow alleviate the fate of the soul that has passed on to another world.
Life after life
Let's say something irreparable happened - a certain Ivan Ivanovich died. His wife has been crying for the third day in a row, his children sometimes join her, his friends are completely confused, and his brother has gone on a drinking binge. And everyone concentrates on their own experiences, no one actually thinks about how they can help the deceased and do something for him.
Meanwhile, Ivan Ivanovich looks at everything that is happening and, being an intelligent person, worries even more that he has caused such inconvenience to so many people. He still thinks, still remembers everything, sees and hears everything, but without a physical shell. And he is somewhat dismayed by the fact that, instead of starting to work for his soul, his beloved wife rushes to the stove in order to have time to prepare ten dishes for the funeral, and always by the third day.
Although these three days the soul of Ivan Ivanovich is here on Earth, so you can finally tell him how much you loved him and ask for forgiveness for everything. Ideally, read lines from the Bible or, if a person has been an atheist-materialist all his life, give brief instructions about what will happen to him in the next days, because for most atheist-materialists, the state of shock after death is especially strong.
The importance of some days
Commemoration is accepted on the third, ninth and fortieth day, because this is a particularly significant time for the deceased.
- On the third day of the new life, the soul of the deceased finally comes to terms with its new position.
- On the ninth day, he gets the opportunity to learn in practice what heaven is and what hell is.
- On the fortieth day, the Private Judgment begins - the result of all human life, at which it will be decided where the soul will remain until the moment of general resurrection (the Last Judgment): on the eve of heaven or on the eve of hell.
Therefore, the question of 40 days after death and how to remember in order to alleviate the fate of the deceased is always relevant and requires more careful consideration.
Funerals are usually held early in the morning on the third day. Consequently, the soul of the deceased will still be present at them and observe the process. There is a custom of putting money in a coffin - you should not do this: the times of Ancient Greece and Ancient Egypt, when this was seen as a practical necessity, are long gone.
- Akathist for the one who died.
- Akathist for the repose of all the departed.
- Prayer canon to the Most Holy Theotokos.
But even if the deceased person was not baptized, he can be saved by the intense prayers of his loved ones. Usually they pray to the holy martyr Uar for the unbaptized.
Signs and superstitions
As always, when people encounter something unknown, superstitions begin to appear around the event. They do not bring any benefit, only further distracting from the main thing. It is not for nothing that the very word “superstition” means believing in vain. And in principle there cannot be any signs regarding funerals.
It’s really not worth throwing away the things of the deceased: who would be pleased with such a disdainful attitude towards what was acquired through back-breaking labor? It is better to sort through them and what was not very expensive for the deceased, but you do not want to keep for yourself - donate to charitable organizations or start distributing to those in need, not forgetting to ask them for prayers for the soul of the deceased.
Many are afraid of damage and the evil eye, but this is absurd and wrong. There are no such things in Orthodoxy. Nevertheless, people come up with some rituals for themselves, for example, not cutting their hair for forty days after a tragic event or sincerely believing that during this period one should not bite seeds, etc. This is ridiculous, but energy and willpower, which is spent on these dubious rituals is better spent on something that will really ease the fate of the deceased. And remember that you are either Orthodox or a superstitious pagan who worships the oak tree and believes in the power of a pinned pin that protects against all evils.
Preparing for the funeral
So, the 40-day commemoration begins. The procedure for holding them is not much different from the third day, except that the intensity of passions has subsided a little, and the day is much more important.
First of all, a wake is not a reason for drinking. This is seeing off a loved one to the best of worlds, saying goodbye to him, the opportunity for everyone to remember something good about him, and only then following traditions and heart-warming speeches. But no particularly original speeches are needed. This won't make it any easier for anyone.
You should not invite people with whom the deceased did not have the warmest relationship, even if they had known each other for a long time. A wake is a person’s last holiday, and there is no need for him to spoil it. So it is best if only family and friends are present.
Funeral meal
You can hold a funeral dinner at home, or in a restaurant - it’s not the location that matters. Of course, there are also many superstitions associated with ritual meals, for example, that knives and forks should not be used during meals. And why? No one knows. They wrote on some website, a neighbor confirmed it, which means it’s impossible. Well, isn't this stupid?
Although sometimes the meal is given too much importance, here is an example of a memorial table for 40 days. Menu:
Of course, this is not a constant. The funeral menu depends not only on the imagination and financial capabilities of the organizers, but also, for example, on the calendar, because if there is a fast - Great Lent, etc., then it is better to abstain from meat.
Drinking alcoholic beverages is acceptable, but is strictly discouraged. After all, it is a sin.
Solemn speech
So, 40 days after death. Wake. “What should I say so as not to offend the deceased?” - and a panicked search of the Internet begins in search of the most original toasts.
Usually a responsible person is appointed who is relatively in control of himself, and he thinks through his speech in advance. But each of those present must say at least a couple of words. Since they are at the wake on this sad day, it means that this person was dear to them. After each speech, it is important to observe a minute of silence - during it it is better to pray than to stress yourself out and, as a result, cry.
At a wake, you should not sing, recite a poem, dance (even under the pretext that the deceased loved to dance), etc. Seeing off a loved one on their last journey is, of course, a tragic event, but it is better to give it an aura of philosophy than hysteria .
Do not forget that there are church holidays of remembrance - for example, Radonitsa, when it is worth going to the deceased in the cemetery and putting the grave in order.
Unfortunately, most people remember death exclusively at someone's funeral. But remember that you will still have the opportunity to meet the deceased face to face at the Last Judgment and, with a successful combination of circumstances, in the Kingdom of Heaven. So the separation is only temporary, and it is better to spend the allotted time for the benefit of your own soul.