Signs of manipulation. Manipulation: concept, main features

We have all at least once in our lives encountered people trying to influence us to achieve their own goals. By playing on our feelings, they manipulate us to achieve what they want. Such people are manipulators. How to recognize them and how to resist them?

Manipulator - who is he?

Analyze the behavior of your friends; perhaps among them there are those who shamelessly take advantage of you for their own selfish purposes. There are several types of manipulators:

Dictators seek to influence their victims with orders and dominance. They often quote the statements of famous people in order to achieve submission with the help of someone else's authority.
The opposite of dictators are wimps. Such people tend to get their way by demonstrating personal hypersensitivity. They often forget, prefer not to hear comments and remain passively silent.
The calculator manipulator strives to keep everyone under control. At the same time, he himself does not hesitate to deceive and evade. Due to his penchant for deception, he suspects others of lying and double-checks them all the time.

Stuck is a person who prefers to be in a dependent position. He wants to be surrounded by care and attention.
A bully demonstrates his aggression, threatens, acts cruelly to others and thereby achieves what he wants.
The opposite of a bully is a nice guy. He prefers to act by demonstrating exaggerated care and attention. The nice guy just smothers you with his love.
A manipulative judge prefers to blame everyone, no one, he is always full of indignation.
The manipulator-defender uses the opposite methods. He is always tolerant of the mistakes of others and emphatically supports everyone.

How to recognize a manipulator

Determining that they want to take advantage of you is not so easy. After all, a manipulator always strives to hide his selfish intentions. He will weave a web around his victim until she herself gives him what he wants. It is not in the nature of a manipulator to act openly. But there are still several characteristic features by which you can recognize them.

Such people are always consistent. They adhere to the rule that once a person promises something, he must fulfill it. In this case, changed circumstances and other arguments are not taken into account. Manipulators often use information about the desires and needs of their victim, which allows them to achieve what they want. For example, hinting to a person that he has the opportunity to fulfill the victim’s long-standing desire, then bombarding him with your requests. The person begins to feel obligated and fulfills the wishes of the manipulator, paying for the promised benefits.

Manipulators love to exploit such positive human traits as decency and honesty, conscientiousness and integrity. A particularly favorite technique among manipulators is the exchange of pleasantries. Having done some little thing for his victim, for example, buying pies for lunch, the manipulator will definitely ask for a favor in return. Moreover, this response will necessarily be on a larger scale than the purchased pies. For example, a request to be on duty instead of him.

Signs of manipulation

The psychological pressure that a manipulator puts on you is very difficult to notice. You must listen to your feelings. The surest sign of manipulation is a feeling of guilt. You know that you are not doing anything wrong, but you still feel guilty when communicating with a person. This feeling is the first sign of manipulation. Be careful, they are trying to deceive you!

Another sure sign of a trap being set is a feeling of anxiety. You latently sense danger when talking with a seemingly nice interlocutor. These two feelings give rise to responsibility. You begin to realize your dependence on the manipulator and lose his favor. As a result, you fulfill all his demands, trying to please him, sometimes contrary to your desires and benefits.

Protection against manipulation

Once you realize that you are being manipulated, try to take countermeasures that protect your interests. First, break contact with the manipulator. You can simply interrupt communication, thus avoiding an uncomfortable conversation.

Another way is to pretend not to understand. Thus, you will force the manipulator to more clearly explain the motives for his actions. You will achieve the same effect by directly asking the manipulator about his desire. Alternatively, you can voice this desire yourself if you have realized it. For example, ask the following question: “Do I understand correctly, you want to get me to...?”

If you are required to make an immediate decision, do not do it under any circumstances. Just take note of the information and save your decision for later. Don't be led by your own desires, always keep your own desires in sight, stay away from overly kind offers.

A good way to protect yourself from manipulation is to refuse without explanation. Do not enter into arguments with the manipulator and do not explain to him the reasons for your refusal. This way you will give him a field for activity, and he will be able to entangle you in his web.

A complex technique that is used by many scammers to gain profit is the manipulation of people. Human psychology is such that it can be controlled. Even during business negotiations, the parties try to put pressure on each other, promoting their point of view. And to protect yourself from outside influence, you need to familiarize yourself with different methods of manipulation.

It is most often hidden. It is more difficult to suppress the will openly. This requires a person who is easily affected. And there are very few of them. In this regard, hidden manipulation of people is used.

The multifaceted art of management

Psychology is a multifaceted science. And the art of manipulation is direct proof of this. There are a huge number of methods by which you can learn to control a person. But there is no such manipulator who would use all methods. Usually they choose several methods that are most suitable. Why is manipulating people so popular? Human psychology is like this. And with the help of the art of management, you can not only influence the actions of your interlocutor, but also achieve your goal.

You need to feel people's mood

One should not think that everyone is subject to control. In fact, there are people who are difficult to hypnotize. Accordingly, they also cannot be manipulated. Attackers try to avoid such people. How do they know who to avoid and who to control? Manipulation of people, psychology - to be a professional in these areas, you need to have a good sense of the mood of your interlocutor. Otherwise, all skills and abilities will be reduced to zero.

Usually manipulators find a weak point. This could be an interest, a belief, a habit, a way of thinking, an emotional state, etc. The main thing is to find where to put pressure and know how to do it. In what way can people be manipulated? Psychology, books - all this will help us understand popular management methods.

Winning a prize

Win-pay. This type of management can be considered the most favorite among scammers who are trying to ingratiate themselves into people’s trust. They tell their interlocutor that he has won a prize or reward. Naturally, if you put in the effort, then this may be true. But if there was no contribution on your part, but you somehow won the award, then you should think about the veracity of the situation.

Focusing on the little things. Manipulation described in the book

Shift of attention. This method was described in the books of a psychologist. He is known as the creator of Ericksonian hypnosis. What features can be identified that are characteristic of this technique of manipulating people? Human psychology is such that his attention can switch to a variety of little things. And it is on this switching that control is built. You just need to distract your interlocutor from an important point. For example, the manipulator may offer to choose one of three options. But regardless of your choice, he will always win, not you. The point is not that everything depends on the decision. The main idea is the need to gain trust and distraction.

When information is not true

Inconsistency of information. To recognize inappropriate data transmitted through a variety of channels, you need to become familiar with the basics of nonverbal communication. This is the only way to see that the manipulator’s speech is at odds with the rest of the information conveyed by his gestures.

No extra time

What is this kind of psychology of manipulation? Pressure on a person and opposition on his part presupposes the use of a certain time frame. For example, you can start a discussion with your interlocutor about an important topic. However, he, speaking of other plans, begins to get ready to leave. And at the same time, it may require an immediate decision on your part on the issue that was discussed. With this method they try to drive you into a corner.

Three psychological tricks will help you with this. They will be described further.

The emergence of a sense of duty

Care and love. Almost all methods fundamentally contain rules of mutual exchange. A fairly common concept in psychology. Its essence lies in the need to evoke a sense of duty in the interlocutor. And this happens on an unconscious level. For example, the husband washed all the dishes, cleaned the rooms, and wiped the dust himself. He sent his wife to rest. And after all the work was done, he casually said that tomorrow he was going to have a drink with his friends. Well, how can you refuse him in such a situation? This case is simple and real - the husband formed a sense of duty in his wife. Accordingly, the likelihood of hearing a positive response from her has increased markedly.

How to deal with manipulation? Reviews from people

If you want to know (including the subtleties of psychology), then you need to understand how to resist manipulation. In this situation, remember that no one will show concern without a reason. Being mindful will help you avoid exposure. In addition, there is no need to accumulate a sense of duty. Know how to say no. The above method of manipulation is quite effective. And he meets you at every step.

Zombification

Repetition is the mother of learning. This is the basis of zombification. For example, every day on TV you are shown advertisements for delicious condiments. Wandering around the store, you won’t even notice how you buy them. Why? This is due to the fact that you have already viewed the advertisement several thousand times. It is firmly entrenched in the subconscious. This technique is often used to manipulate people. No wonder there is a proverb that states that a person will begin to grunt if he is called a pig a hundred times. This management technique is common in relations between superiors and subordinates with low self-esteem.

How to resist this method of control? Be carefull. Repetition can be associated with care, and then a powerful weapon of control will be obtained. You will automatically turn into a good investor for a bad person. Only attentiveness will save you from such a fate.

Seducing your interlocutor is an excellent manipulation technique

The Forbidden fruit is sweet. You should not give in to temptations and desires, even though it is difficult. You must have willpower. Do you want to learn how to manipulate? Use this method. Analyze your life. How often have you said the phrase “Don’t tempt...”, “Weak...?”, “Isn’t that a man?” Or maybe they told you this?

For example, promotions and discounts. They can be found especially often on the Internet when they are accompanied by countdown timers. This is pure temptation, control. It will not allow you to pass by such sites. Use this method to your advantage.

Such exposure can be avoided. Just understand its nature, understand how it works. Having a strong character and unwavering principles can also help. Only in such a situation no one can seduce you.

There can be many control methods

There are many different ways of manipulation. You need to be able to defend yourself against this. First of all, it is important to listen to yourself. After all, manipulation presupposes influence, control of someone else's will. If you begin to feel discomfort or are inclined to make a decision right now, then you need to leave the conversation. Say no and stand by your principles. There is no need to succumb to provocations. After all, you are simply being manipulated.

Start making your own decisions

This review described how to manipulate people (subtleties of psychology). How to avoid falling for such tricks? Pay attention to this, because you can be constantly controlled in all areas of your life. Start making your own decisions, not those that have been imposed on you. This is the psychology of manipulation and pressure on a person, the counteraction to which we discussed above.

To manipulate is to try to indirectly influence someone's behavior or actions. Manipulation does not have to be good or bad: a person may try to manipulate others either out of good intentions or to get another person to do something illegal. Manipulation is always covert and often targets our weak points, making it difficult to detect. The cunning that accompanies manipulation can be invisible and easy to overlook, because it is often hidden behind a sense of duty, love or habit. However, it is possible to recognize signs of manipulation and not succumb to it.

Steps

Behavior

Notice whether your interlocutor tries to ensure that you always speak first. Manipulators want to hear us first to determine our strengths and weaknesses. You will be asked leading questions, in response to which you will express your point of view and feelings. Typically, these questions begin with “what,” “why,” and “how.” The answer and reaction of the interlocutor will depend on the information he receives.

If your interlocutor wants to hear you first, this does not always mean that he is trying to manipulate you. Other factors should also be taken into account.
The manipulator tries to talk about himself as little as possible and listen to you more.
If this behavior is observed in most cases, it may indicate that they are trying to manipulate you.
Even if it seems to you that the person is sincerely interested in you, remember that such questions may have a hidden agenda. If the interlocutor avoids directly answering your questions and tries to quickly move the conversation to another topic, this may indicate that he is insincere.

Take a closer look to see if the interlocutor is trying to please you. Some people have a natural charm, and manipulators try to use this to their advantage. Before asking for anything, the manipulator may praise you. He may also give you a small gift, after which he will ask you for some favor.
- For example, someone might treat you to a great dinner and speak to you affectionately before asking you to borrow money or help with work.
- Although this behavior is often not dangerous, remember that you are not obligated to do something just because someone is kind to you.
Pay attention to attempts to coerce. A manipulator may try to force you to do something through intimidation and threats. In an attempt to get his way, he may shout, criticize and insult his interlocutor. You may hear him say, “If you don’t do this, then I will...” or “I won’t do this until you...”. A manipulator can use such tactics not only to force the interlocutor to do certain things, but also in return for a promise to stop doing something.

Pay attention to how a person handles facts. If your interlocutor uses facts too freely in order to convince you of something, he may be trying to manipulate you. A person may lie, omit information, withhold information, feign ignorance, or exaggerate. A manipulator may also pretend to be an expert on a topic and bombard you with facts and statistics. At the same time, he will try to seem much more knowledgeable than you.

Pay attention if the interlocutor constantly presents himself as a martyr or victim. In this case, the person may do something that you did not ask him to do, and then refer to it. After "doing a favor" he expects you to try to repay the favor, and if that doesn't happen, he may start complaining.
- The manipulator may also complain and say, “Nobody likes me (I’m sick, I’m being humiliated, etc.)” in an attempt to gain your sympathy so that he can then use it for his own purposes.
Think about whether a good attitude towards you depends on something specific. A manipulator can be kind and affectionate with you if you do what he needs, but this attitude will change dramatically if you do not live up to his expectations. This type of manipulator seems to have two faces: an angelic mask when he wants to please you, and a frightening visage when he needs you to be afraid of him. Everything goes well as long as you meet expectations.
- Sometimes it seems that you are walking on a razor's edge and are afraid of angering the manipulator.
Observe characteristic behavior. All people try to manipulate from time to time, but manipulators do it all the time. The manipulator has a hidden agenda and deliberately tries to use another person in order to achieve power, control or some other advantage at their expense. If this behavior occurs regularly, you may be dealing with a manipulator.
- The manipulator rarely takes into account your rights and interests; they are unimportant to him.
- Remember that mental illness or disability may play a role. For example, a person with depression may have no intention of manipulating you, but with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, people often forget to check their email. With these and a number of other disorders, it may seem that the patient is trying to manipulate you, although this is not the case.
Communication style
1. Note if you are reproached or judged. A common method of manipulation is to pick on the person and make them feel guilty. No matter what you do, the manipulator will always find something to complain about. No matter what you do, something will be wrong. Instead of giving advice and constructive criticism, the manipulator will only point out your shortcomings.
  - This behavior can be expressed in the form of sarcasm and jokes. The manipulator may make fun of your clothes and appearance, your driving style, your place of work, your family, or anything else. Although such remarks are often meant as a joke, they can be quite painful. At the same time, you are the object of ridicule, the purpose of which is to undermine your faith in your abilities.
2. Pay attention to periods of silence. A manipulator can use silence to gain control over you. He may not pick up the phone or respond to your text messages or emails for long periods of time. This is done to make you feel insecure or to punish you for "wrong behavior." This behavior is different from simply trying to cool down before reconnecting, and is used to make you feel helpless.
3. Recognize the guilt trap. This technique is to make you feel responsible for the behavior of the manipulator. It puts you under control of another person's emotions: their joy, success or failure, anger, and so on. As a result, you will feel obligated to do something that is wanted of you, even if it seems wrong to you.
  - The guilt trap is often prefaced with statements such as “If only you understood me better, then...”, “If you really love me...” or “I did this for you, why don’t you want to do this for me? " (and this is said about something that you did not ask for).
  - If you agree to do something that you wouldn't normally do (or that you don't like), you may be being manipulated.
4. Notice if you don't have to constantly apologize. A manipulator can make you feel like you are to blame for something. He may accuse you of something you didn't do or hold you responsible for some situation. For example, you agreed to meet at 13:00, but the person was two hours late. In response to your reproaches, he says: “Yes, you’re right. I’m doing everything wrong. I don’t even know why you continue to communicate with me, I don’t deserve this.” As a result, you soften and change the topic of conversation.
  - In addition, the manipulator reinterprets your words in the worst way, which is why you have to apologize for them.
5. Notice how you are constantly being compared to other people. When trying to get you to do something, the manipulator may claim that you are worse than someone else. He may call you a stupid person if you refuse to do what he wants. This is designed to make you feel guilty and still force you to do what is asked of you.
  - When comparing with others, the following phrases may be heard: “Anyone else in your place would have done this,” “If I had asked Maria, she would have done this,” or “Except for you, everyone else thinks this is normal.”
Communication with the manipulator
1. Know how to say “no” at the right time. The person will continue to manipulate you as long as you allow him to do so. To protect yourself from manipulation, you should say “no” in time. Stand in front of a mirror and practice saying “No, I can’t do that” or “No, that’s not for me.” You must be able to defend yourself in order to be treated with the respect you deserve.
  - You shouldn't feel guilty when you say no. You have every right to do this.
  - You can refuse quite politely. If the manipulator asks you to do something, try answering: “I would do it, but I’m very busy in the coming months” or “Thanks for the offer, but no.”
2. Set appropriate boundaries. If the manipulator discovers that you are succumbing to his persuasion and tricks, he will try to win your favor in order to use you in the future. In this case, he will focus on his “helplessness” and try to get financial, emotional or any other help from you. Pay attention to phrases such as “You are the only one I have,” “I have no one else to talk to,” and so on. You have your own life, and you don't have to help this person all the time.
  - If you hear a person say, “I have no one else to talk to,” try to contrast it with specific examples:
    - “Remember how Anna talked to you for a long time yesterday afternoon? And Maria said that she’s always happy to talk to you on the phone. I’m happy to talk to you for 5 minutes, but then I have an important meeting that I can’t miss.”
3. Don't blame yourself. The manipulator will try to make you feel guilty. Remember that they are trying to manipulate you into feeling guilty and that the problem is not you. If you feel wrong, take a closer look at what is happening and check your emotions again.
  - Ask yourself: “Does this person respect me?”, “Does this person have reasonable demands and expectations?”, “Is this a one-sided relationship?”, “Do I like this relationship?”
  - If the answer to these questions is no, then the problems in your relationship most likely lie with the manipulator, not with you.
4. Be persistent. Manipulators often twist and distort facts to present themselves in a more favorable light. Respond to this with persistence and seek to clarify the facts. Explain that you remember the facts differently and would like to better understand what exactly happened. Ask your interlocutor simple questions and try to identify common ground. Once you figure out what you agree on, take it as a starting point for further reasoning. For example:
  - Your interlocutor says: “You won’t lure me to these meetings anymore. You use them only for your own benefit, and you always leave me to be eaten by the sharks.”
  - Respond with: "That's not true. I thought you were ready to tell investors about your ideas. If I had heard you made a mistake, I would have intervened immediately, but I thought you did an excellent job."

What symptoms and signs of hidden manipulation can our consciousness use to protect itself? To do this, you need to determine its main features (Fig. 19.3).

1. Activation of stereotypes- having heard in a message an explicit or hidden appeal to some deep-rooted feelings or attitudes, it is useful to quickly run through your “I” in your mind and figure out what kind of my reaction this message is intended for and what I am being deliberately inclined to.

2. Repetition- the main means of dishonest propaganda. If they harp on the same topic every day, the matter is unclean (land reform, the Nazarenko, Tymoshenko case).

3. Splitting up- the problem is laid out in pieces, not whole (the problem of land privatization).

Rice. 19.3. Signs of hidden manipulation

4. Language- as soon as a politician or announcer begins to speak in “bird language”, inserting obscure phrases and words, manipulation occurs.

5. Emotions- if the pressure is on the feelings, it smells like a dirty trick. It is better to temporarily “harden” and not give in to a trembling voice or a sparkling tear, but try to understand what is hidden behind it.

6. Sensationalism and urgency- creates noise, nervousness, undermines psychological defense; This is how they report a tragedy in a choking voice, look for “black boxes”, crackle after every catastrophe, and when they find them, there is silence. Why talk about it then? Most often, this is how they divert attention from more important events.

7. Totalitarianism solution- imposing on the audience that “there is no other way! They don’t change horses in midstream!”

8. Totalitarianism of the message source- lack of dialogue, the opportunity to compare different points of view (twin news on different television channels).

9. Mixing information and your own opinion- this is such a crude method of manipulation that European laws have introduced restrictive norms against it. We want to listen to facts, but thoughts about them are imposed on us.

10. Seizure from context- a sign akin to fragmentation (at an international conference of criminologists dedicated to drug trafficking and money laundering, the main report said that the best way to launder money is to buy land. It was directly stated that the global drug business is waiting for a law on the free sale of land in the CIS countries).

Also used vagueness of statements- it turns out to be quite easy intuitively. Most often, there are inconsistencies in the statements of politicians and the media - it should be treated as an exciting sport.

The fact that you are being manipulated successfully can be verified by analyzing the principles of successful manipulation.

1. The principle of consistency.

A very powerful means of influence is the use of a person's natural desire to be and be considered consistent. After all, no one wants to have a reputation as a fickle, unreliable, capricious, indecisive, reckless person. In addition, the automatic desire for consistency is a kind of defense mechanism of our thinking. Manipulators can take advantage of this.

The main importance here is played by obligations (a person has promised - strives to consistently fulfill), especially in writing, so that they can neither be forgotten nor refuted. For example, getting a loan from a bank: first they formally deal with your personal affairs, gain trust, and then slip a loan agreement for your signature (so that you do not have time to read its essence). Another trick: you are offered to draw up an agreement yourself or fill out a contract form yourself, in which case the percentage of its termination will be minimal (and you, having outlined your obligations, will act in accordance with what is written). Or: independently writing a “hymn” for a certain product as part of an advertising campaign (and, accordingly, self-persuasion).

The manipulator can “lure” you into making the choice he desires. Having accepted a commitment, a person convinces himself that he did everything right (and “the bait is taken by the manipulator”). Each conscious or subconscious argument is a new “fulcrum” to justify the perfect choice, therefore, you yourself become “the creators of these support points.”

2. The principle of mutual exchange (rule of gratitude).

Deeply rooted in human consciousness. If something was provided, donated, or helped, then you need to try to thank it properly. The principle of “investment for the future”, a system of gratitude that human evolution has made a social automatism, a stereotype, a cultural feature (the usual “thank you” turns into “I’m very obliged”)

Manipulators often take advantage of this, sometimes providing you with unnecessary or trivial services in advance, knowingly expecting and demanding much more from you in return (appealing to a feeling of gratitude) - what they need. It would seem inconvenient to refuse you, so as not to become “ungrateful”. This technique is often used by sellers (“I advised you (I gave it to you to try, test, taste), and you will buy” - especially sampling in multi-level marketing companies), employers (“I gave you a job, then you work as long as the job requires "), cunning employees (" I explained to you, do this to me "), representatives of sects (" on behalf of the community you were given a gift (sign, magazine, other small thing), then you will not sacrifice... and you will receive mercy and grace "), politicians and officials (" a business (or service) in exchange for votes (or a lobby in parliament, in interstate negotiations ").

Not only services can be mutual, but also concessions (“the seller reduced the price - you have to buy!”). There is also the following manipulative technique: “demand - refusal - retreat”. That is, if there are no grounds for your dependence, then if the manipulator needs something from you, it can be created (provoking a situation in which you will feel uncomfortable in the event of your own refusal at a request of a smaller scale). For example, if you are approached with a request to buy a valuable thing, you refuse, then they ask you for some trinket (“at least give me a pen”) - you are unlikely to refuse, because they have already refused once (and if you had it right away asked?). So, this is the operation of the principle of reciprocal exchange of concession.

3. The principle of public proof.

Most people believe their behavior is correct if they see others behaving in a similar way, or at least believe so. The assumption is that if they do this, they know something that others don't. This is often justified. After all, by their nature, the vast majority of people are imitators, and about 5% are initiators. Manipulators use the automatic tendency to believe that an action is right if others do it or if it conforms to generally accepted norms.

The principle is based on the practice of sending a herd to the edge of a precipice (there it is easier to catch it) - running, like everyone else, the danger is not realized. Therefore, it is a voluntary “surrender to the winner.” This is also where the “election of a scapegoat” comes from.

Examples of blocking consciousness in this case are the approval of the product by many others, the product does not lie on the shelf for a single extra minute and is quickly bought up, or it is willingly and a lot bought by wealthy and very wealthy fellow citizens, or there have never been any complaints about it (for so many years), or in the top 100 products (it is not known what rating) it is among the top ten, or according to the results of a public opinion poll (it is not clear by whom and when conducted) it ranks almost in first place. The idea of the quality of the product is reinforced by the assent of “third-party buyers” - fellow sellers from other departments. This technology is also used on talk shows (applause, laughter), in political rallies (it is easier to control a crowd than an individual viewer on a television screen), in child psychiatry (depriving a child of fears following the example of others).

The word "authority" comes from the Latin auctoritas - power, influence. The awareness of the need for unconditional submission to someone authoritative is deeply rooted in the minds of people from childhood; and disobedience is wrong, abnormal. And this is understandable, because for a conscious, wise and strong person who understands the essence of the issue, it is even convenient to obey, because he knows what he is doing and gives orders. These qualities evoke respect, which is why the subconscious mind develops the attitude that it is rational to obey authorities. But you need to understand that it is not so much they who influence and control your behavior as the atmosphere that surrounds them, the authority.

Authority is demonstrated by symbols of authority (titles, clothing, demeanor, attributes). And the subconscious is accustomed to reacting precisely to symbols, and not to the authority itself. Attributes of prestige include a car, security guards, ostentatious jewelry, certificates, expensive business cards, various letterheads, photographs in which a person is depicted next to famous or influential people, hints of connections in influential circles, valuable pens, cufflinks and other details of “identity design”.

Symbols of manipulators can be “honorary titles” (high-profile titles, positions, like O. Bender’s), clothing (including dressing up as police officers, inspectors, etc.).

12 A specially trained animal that is used in meat processing plants to lure herds to the slaughterhouse. - Note auto

In order not to succumb to pressure, you need to learn to question what you see, that is, in fact, the person understands what she is talking about, she is fairly honest, she has all the necessary documents, and what other competent specialists think about her. This is the only way to determine the truth, power and the value of authority.

5. The principle of attachment.

It is difficult for us to refuse their requests. Professional manipulations actively use this in their actions. Typical characteristics that influence the attitude of others towards a person are the following.

5.1. Physical attractiveness.

Physical beauty helps to evaluate other human qualities much higher, such as talent, sincerity, intelligence, and competence. An outwardly beautiful person seems more persuasive, so she needs to spend much less effort in order to effectively influence others.

The reaction to the attractiveness of people is mental automatism, it belongs to the category of halo effects (when one positive trait of a person is more noticeable and how it overlaps all other qualities). Thus, voters give on average 2.5 times more votes for candidates with harmoniously built faces and figures than for unattractive ones; attractive employees receive high salaries and are considered the best colleagues.

As a rule, historically, manipulators are almost always beautiful and take care of their appearance.

5.2. Similarity with the object of influence.

A fairly powerful factor, because people who are similar to you cannot help but like you. Similarity can manifest itself in everything - name, hairstyle, clothes, outlook on life, hobbies, interests, lifestyle, and the like. The subconscious associates them with you, therefore, having developed the skills to repeat your interlocutor, it is easier for manipulators to convince you: you will not deny yourself.

This technique is used by employees of travel agencies: during a conversation, paying attention to the smallest details, then they note your commonality with some small detail and continue the conversation in the “needed” direction.

5.3. Praise, flattery and compliments.

Every person loves to be defined by something. Flattery is characterized by undisguised hypocrisy and a strong exaggeration of advantages. Flattery makes a person more accommodating and pliable, disposed towards the one who does it, and defenseless against the manipulator.

A compliment satisfies the most important psychological need for positive emotions. they are often said by people (approving anything: social status, intelligence, beauty, strength, etc.) who need something from you. But in order to give compliments, you need to have at least the slightest factual information about the person (otherwise it will already be flattery), universal bases for a compliment (the desire to look good, achieve success, be respected, etc.), used together with the previous demonstration participation and empathy, be short. Compliments are considered effective against the backdrop of an anti-compliment to oneself (“how I miss such ability to work.”) They are a more powerful weapon than flattery (because they don’t trust the latter).

A way to protect yourself from this manipulative technique is: “Thank you for the compliment, everything is really going well for me,” “I have no doubt about your sincerity,” “Yes, indeed, but there are better people,” and the like.

5.4. Close acquaintance.

People usually agree much more quickly to the wishes or demands of those they know. A person likes what is well known, and therefore it is more difficult to refuse a friend or acquaintance. Often, just mentioning a friend’s name is enough to enlist the support of the right person (the magic words “I am from Vasily Vasilyevich”).

A variation is the “cooperation” trick - a demonstration that the manipulator initially treats you as his old acquaintance and is ready to do unrealistic things for your sake, and therefore expects to create something like one “team” opposing the outside world.

5.5. Availability of associations.

To a large extent, human thinking is associative. A look at one item evokes a mention of another (for example, ice cream recalls the taste of childhood, tangerines and pine needles - New Year's holidays). The technique of combining objects with pleasant memories is used by commodity producers, politicians and in show business - a kind of borrowing of positivity and popularity for “promotion”.

Therefore, if you are invited to dinner for negotiations, it is expected that associations with delicious food will automatically make you feel good about your partner.

6. The principle of scarcity.

The term "deficit" comes from the Latin deficit - which means a lack of something. The mechanism of the principle of scarcity is based on the human desire to obtain benefits in the shortest possible way with minimal effort. And the risk of staying, which excites emotions, makes rational thinking difficult, and causes a significant impact on decision-making. And this makes the principle of scarcity a powerful tool of manipulation.

A person begins to act in cases where he can gain something or when he can lose something (in this case, even penetration with love occurs). The attractiveness that appears before our eyes is often explained by a single reason: it becomes less accessible. It is often observed that people begin to value some thing or relationship only when they risk being left without it - then their value increases significantly (remember antique, rare things).

Scarcity, craving for a forbidden subject give rise to any prohibitions (censorship - the right to information - freedom of speech). Consequently, in order to manipulate, they often resort to “artificial restrictions”, and as a result they get the intended effect.

Consequently, an analysis of the principles of successful manipulation will reveal its signs.

In addition, it is worth noting the methods of influence that are often used in management activities today. The laws of management psychology are manifested in the interaction of people, interpersonal relationships and group behavior. They act regardless of whether they are known to us or not, whether we are aware of them or not. To the main laws of psychology and management (managerial activities) include the following.

1. The law of response uncertainty - the dependence of external influences on internal psychological conditions (structures).

The law is based on psychological phenomena - apperception and the presence of stereotypes of consciousness. Apperception is the dependence of perception on the past experience of the subject. Stereotypes of consciousness are persistent thoughts, assessments, judgments that inaccurately and incompletely reflect the surrounding reality and influence behavior, creating obvious or hidden communication barriers.

Effect of the law:

o different people at different times can react qualitatively differently to the same influences (turn the other cheek or not);

o the same person at different times can react qualitatively differently to the same action (which is due to the influence of internal psychological factors, such as mood, emotional state, etc. under certain conditions and situations).

According to the laws of management psychology, feedback (reaction) is quite difficult to determine in advance and impossible to predict. Therefore, in management you need to take into account all the factors that will help you find a common language (and not talk “each in his own way”).

2. The law of inadequacy of mutual perception.

The essence of the law: a person can never comprehend another person with the accuracy and completeness that was sufficient for serious decisions regarding this person.

This is due to the specifics of human perception; it is almost never complete and accurate (due to the structure of the eye, most objects cannot be seen in full). Therefore, when making any management decisions, it is necessary to take into account the inadequacy of perception and a person’s desire to show himself better than he really is.

Management activities, taking into account the influence of this law, should be built on the following principles:

o the principle of universal talent (“there are no untalented, incapable people; there are people who are busy with something other than their own business”);

o development principle (any abilities have the ability to develop)

o the principle of inexhaustibility (no human assessment can be considered final).

3. The law of inadequacy of self-esteem.

The essence of the law: when trying to evaluate oneself, a person faces the same internal barriers and limitations as when analyzing other people. Logical, common-sense self-analysis cannot be adequate due to the fact that a person is more emotional, irrational and unreasonable than rational, logical, and intelligent. Consequently, self-esteem is never adequate - overestimated or underestimated.

4. The law of information distortion - loss or splitting of the content of management information.

The essence of the law: management information (orders, instructions, directives) has an objective tendency to change content in the process of movement “from top to bottom”. The degree of change is directly proportional to the number of links through which information passes. The following circumstances contribute to the loss of information content:

o polysemy of the language in which management information is transmitted (oral information is perceived with an accuracy of up to 50%);

o increase (decrease) in the volume of information due to its incompleteness or limited access to it;

o changes in the process of transmitting information (according to the subjective traits of the people who transmit it - intellectually developed / undeveloped, oswiche-net / ignorant, mentally / physically developed / undeveloped).

To reduce information distortion it is necessary:

o reduce the number of transmission chains involved in the dissemination of information;

o provide people with all the necessary information on these issues that they must decide in a timely manner;

o support feedback in order to monitor the correct assimilation of the information received.

5. The law of self-preservation.

The essence of the law: one of the leading motives that determine human behavior is the preservation of one’s own status, usefulness, and dignity. Psychological laws not only influence the quality of work, but also often determine it. Direct or indirect limitation of dignity causes a negative reaction (for example, demeaning the level of professionalism of a person at a meeting and, as a result, further avoiding others present from discussions).

To solve such situations, you should organize solutions to complex problems in a separate time mode: first collect all available proposals, and then conduct a critical analysis of the compliance of the proposal with the “problem conditions”.

6. Law of compensation.

The essence of the law: a person who has certain shortcomings, difficulties or problems in one area of life, consciously or unconsciously tries to compensate for them by working hard in another area.

From the point of view of management psychology, this means that in the presence of a high level of incentives for a given job or high demands on a person, the lack of some abilities for a given type of activity is replaced by other methods or skills and ability to work.

So, you need to realize that there are control laws, and there are certain technologies, the action of which can be determined by the main signs of hidden manipulation in order to minimize their impact on humans.

Tatiana Kulinich

In recent years, topics related to violence have been increasingly raised by psychologists. This very concept is being revised; what was previously considered a relative norm is now perceived as something unacceptable. The saying “hitting means loving”, fortunately, now seems to us a terrible relic of the past. But violence is not only physical. In some cases, it is psychological violence and manipulation that can cause more harm, simply because it is more difficult to notice. Manipulators or psychological vampires are skilled at convincing their victims that violence is being done for their own good. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where, when communicating with someone, at some subtle level you feel trapped, for some reason you do something that you not only don’t want, but also that causes you harm in some way? ? Have you ever felt guilty when interacting with someone? Were there people in your life who often made you upset or even cry? Has it ever happened that you even acquired chronic diseases as a result of such long-term communication? There may be many manifestations of an encounter with manipulators, but we still do not always realize what is the cause of our troubles. In this article we will talk about how to recognize psychological abuse and protect yourself from it.

What is psychological manipulation?

Before considering the signs of manipulation and ways to protect against it, it is appropriate to understand the definition of the very subject of our article. In short, psychological manipulation is a hidden influence on another person for one’s own selfish purposes to his detriment.

Signs that you are being manipulated

As mentioned above, the biggest difficulty with the issue of psychological abuse is that it is difficult to notice. Most of us have become accustomed to the manipulation of others from early childhood. Some parents were intimidated by an “uncle policeman” or an “evil gypsy”, to whom they would give the child if he did not obey. Someone's mother or grandmother began to demonstrably clutch at his heart as soon as he did something wrong. All this leads to manipulation becoming a part of our lives, destroying us from the inside.

The surest sign that you are being manipulated is your guilt. You know that you have not done anything wrong, but, nevertheless, when communicating with a particular person, every now and then you experience a burning feeling of guilt. At the same time, this happens very often. You yourself don’t understand how this happens. But if when communicating with him you find yourself feeling guilty, be wary! Another sign that you have fallen into the trap of a manipulator is an underlying sense of anxiety. It seems that the person in front of you is smiling, and outwardly friendly, sweet, etc., but you feel something is wrong, intuitively you catch yourself with a barely noticeable feeling of anxiety, as if “cats are scratching at your soul.” Your intuition is screaming at you that you are being deceived! But how often do we trust our inner voice?

The main weapon of psychological “vampires” is a special mixture of sensations that they evoke in their victims, as if enveloping them in an impenetrable fog. This fear, guilt and responsibility. Fear may be associated with a reluctance to lose the love and affection of the manipulator, fears for his health, etc. Guilt is skillfully imposed by manipulators using their uncompromising attitude and the aura of holiness with which they surround themselves. It seems that by refusing them, you are committing a terrible crime or mistake. You don’t just disagree with this particular person, but you allow yourself to disagree with common sense, morality, and almost God himself. From guilt and fear comes responsibility. You are too afraid of losing the manipulator or you realize your “badness”, and you begin to feel dependent on the psychological rapist and try to please him.

Here are some of the manifestations of a person committing psychological manipulation:

1. Uncompromising demand

The manipulator usually considers his demands objective and self-evident. He never admits that he is capable of being wrong about anything. Such a person speaks about his desires as if these were the laws of the Universe itself. Therefore, when a person demands something from you, using phrases such as “how can you not understand this”, “this is what all normal people do”, “you must”, you should be wary. For example, a husband may be unhappy that his wife, in his opinion, dresses too revealingly. He can tell her that he is jealous, that he is uncomfortable with the way other men look at her. As long as he simply talks about his feelings, it does not turn into manipulation. But if he starts talking about how “decent women don’t dress like that”, “everyone is laughing at you, how you don’t understand this”, this is psychological manipulation.

2. Inability to accept refusal, perceiving it as a personal insult

Manipulators are incapable of dialogue. There is only one opinion: theirs is wrong. Such a person does not know how to consider a problem from different angles, does not have sufficient empathy to put himself in the place of another. The manipulator perceives refusal inadequately and draws false logical connections between refusal and the attitude and character of his victim. And then tries to impose this vision.

For example, a friend suggested you have coffee after work. You are forced to politely decline as you are in a hurry to get home. A friend may be upset, and this will be a normal reaction. But if she starts saying that you don’t love her, you are a selfish person who doesn’t have time for anyone, this is manipulation. This also includes all phrases like: “if you do this, you are not my son/daughter!”, “you are dead to me,” etc.

3. Pressure or threats in case of refusal

When the manipulator is not obeyed, he begins to “punish” his victim in order to still achieve his goal. Pressure can manifest itself in different forms, depending on the type of manipulator (we will talk about them a little further). For some, this is open aggression in a rude form, up to and including physical violence. Some people have passive aggression in the form of complaints and constant persuasion. Some manipulators begin to play a martyr, provoking a strong feeling of guilt in their victim.

Types of manipulators

Punishers

These are the most aggressive manipulators who prefer to push their victims through force, punishing them. When someone disagrees with them, they may shout, insult, and sometimes even use physical violence. In an open form, they let the victim know what will happen if she disobeys them. “If you communicate with this person, I will leave you,” “If you do not become a doctor, I will disinherit you,” etc. The Punisher does not see his victim as a person; he has obvious problems with psychological boundaries. He perceives her as a part of himself, in fact his property.

Some punishers prefer to act on their victims using so-called passive aggression. This is a refusal to communicate, breaking promises, breaking agreements, ignoring. Such manipulators often punish loved ones with icy coldness. Each of us can probably remember a case when parental silence after a quarrel was so difficult that the children were ready to beg for forgiveness.

False victims

This type of manipulator is especially dangerous, as it turns the whole situation upside down, presenting itself as a victim. Such people blackmail others, trying to show how dependent they are on them. An example of such manipulations is “Don’t leave me, or I will die,” “If you marry this woman, I will have a heart attack,” etc. The main goal of such people is to induce in the victim a huge feeling of guilt and a sense of responsibility for the life of the manipulator. Such manipulations are often resorted to by older people with health problems, as well as women of any age. After all, demonstrating aggression openly is considered indecent for the fairer sex, so they resort to such hidden, but very powerful psychological violence.

False victims often have hysterical traits in their character; they are born actors and pretenders. They take pleasure in “making mountains out of molehills” and inflating a scandal out of nothing. Wringing their hands, rolling their eyes and clutching their hearts are their favorite techniques. They want to turn their lives into a drama, as if they were playing a role in some heart-warming Brazilian series.

Martyrs

This type of manipulator is in many ways similar to the previous one. They also try to make their victim guilty of all their troubles and shift responsibility for their well-being onto her. But, unlike them, the martyrs do not express any claims or demands. They simply suffer in silence, periodically hinting to the victim that it is all because of her. Deep sighs, meaningful phrases, and the like are used. For example, a daughter recently moved into separate housing from her mother. When she comes to visit her mother, she complains about feeling unwell, that there is no one to look after her, etc. She does not directly reproach her daughter, but hints in every possible way that she, like a good daughter, needs to live with her elderly mother.

Martyrs expect almost psychic abilities from their victims: they want their thoughts to be read, to guess the slightest changes in mood. They never speak about their desires or thoughts directly. Everything is done in a veiled form. If you ask them directly: “Is it because of me that you have this condition?”, they will begin to deny everything. To the question “What happened?” they like to answer: “Nothing...”. Of course, taking a deep breath before doing so.

Seducers

Unlike the three previous types of manipulators, seducers do not seem to demand anything from their victims and do not reproach them for anything. Their weapons are more subtle and invisible. This is a promise of all sorts of rewards for behavior that is beneficial to the manipulator. The simplest manipulation of this kind is promises to the child to buy a toy for a high rating in a quarter, etc. In a more sophisticated version, this manipulation is presented in the form of concern for the victim and admiration for his talents. For example, relatives may persuade you to move to another apartment, saying that a school in another area will be better for your child. Your boss may convince you that he sees in you extraordinary abilities for a job that you do not particularly like, and therefore you should transfer to another department. Particularly skilled seducers can use your dreams for their own manipulations. For example, promise you to pay for vocal training and make your childhood dream of becoming a singer come true if you quit your job now.

How to protect yourself from manipulation?

1. Don't let your self-worth depend too much on what others think of you. We all need the approval of loved ones, but the pursuit of it should not become our goal. Ask yourself often: “Am I doing this because I really want to or to please others?” Simply put, always ask yourself: "For what?" Why would you do this? Do you really need this?

2. Guard your own boundaries carefully. Remember: you are only responsible for yourself and your small children up to a certain age. You, like other people around you, are individual adults and are capable of solving your own problems. You can help, but do not shift responsibility for someone's life onto yourself. Yes, You don't owe anything! If you think otherwise, be prepared for manipulators to flock to you like flies to honey. D. Rowling very aptly noted that very highly moral, decent people are most susceptible to manipulation. They have an overly expressed obligation. And they consider others to be just as decent, so they easily fall into the trap.

3. Don't allow yourself to focus your entire life on one person, be it a parent, child or partner. Your affection should be more or less evenly distributed among several people. No one should become your only reason in life.

4. Don’t think for another person, don’t try to read his thoughts, even if he tries hard to hint at something to you. Express your thoughts and desires directly, and try to encourage others to have frank conversations.

By constantly monitoring your feelings and asking yourself the questions mentioned above, you will learn to identify psychological violence against you and be able to resist manipulation. Although this may not happen immediately. But gradually you will develop the skill and everything will become easy. And try to limit your communication with the manipulator. Surround yourself only with those people who harmonize you, and do not destroy you.

Tatyana Kulinich for https://junona.pro