Why is it so hard to study now? Alina fisherman, light industry technologist

Whining in the morning “I don’t want to go to school,” complaints about headaches and attempts to extend the holidays are not uncommon for primary and secondary school students. Behind what parents see first and foremost - banal laziness and the desire to sleep a couple of hours longer - hide much deeper reasons, from intra-family conflicts to bullying. Why doesn't my child want to go to school? This is what Elizaveta Filonenko, a family psychologist and author of books on child-parent relations, said about this at the Moscow International Education Salon.

Reason 1: I can’t establish relationships with classmates

The child’s social intelligence is not sufficiently developed, so it’s not possible to become the life of the party, but he really wants to. Strained relationships with peers discourage students from going to school and affect their academic performance.

The essence of the problem is reduced communication skills. The child does not understand others well. He has no idea how to balance someone else’s “should” and his own “want” and make it so that both he and those around him feel comfortable in communicating with him. As a rule, the roots of this problem come from early childhood.

What to do? It is impossible to help here instantly. You can't take bad skills and turn them into good ones. This is very painstaking, long work.

Often the reasons lie in broken relationships within the family. The fact is that the parents and the child may not have been able to establish contact. Therefore, they are unable to help and suggest how to build relationships with the school.

One way to solve the problem is to start with yourself. Evaluate your relationship with your child. Perhaps you are overly close, cannot refuse overprotection, or underestimate his abilities. This also harms communication with peers. The child expects the same attitude from other people as in the family, and therefore cannot take the right position in communicating with classmates.

You cannot teach what you cannot do yourself. If parents have insufficiently developed interpersonal communication skills, it is worth taking their child to psychological training. In such classes, children learn to communicate under the guidance of a psychologist who gives them tasks and exercises.

If you and your child have established normal contact, you need to work together to sort out situations in which he encountered difficulties. Your task is to make the child think during a conversation and try to put himself in the shoes of other children or the teacher. Ask him what the other person thinks, what he feels, why he behaves this way and not otherwise. This way he will learn to analyze the motives of other people.

Reason 2: no habit of systematically studying

Reluctance to study will quickly affect the child’s grades. It is important to understand in time that he is not just lazy, but is not used to learning constantly.

If a child doesn’t want to do anything in first grade, then time is wasted. This issue needs to be addressed earlier, from three to four years of age.

What to do? The child must learn to make constant efforts. Household responsibilities, adherence to a routine and sports activities will teach him to overcome inertia. He will understand that he needs to get up, go and do something. Even if you really don’t want to. This way he will easily accept school loads and adapt to systematic learning. If there was no systematic stress and routine in childhood, it will be difficult.

In any case, you can help by gradually involving him in the learning process. We need to negotiate. The child must be shown that there are tasks that he must complete, and after them there will be time for rest. Gradually he will understand that after the completed task, something pleasant awaits him. This is how the system is developed.

At first, you accompany your child while he does his homework (but don't do it for him) and try to maintain a positive attitude. Repression will not achieve anything; instead, try to show the positive side of the effort.

Reason 3: Lessons make you feel helpless

The child did not understand the new topic, they did not help him in time, and he got lost in the material, and new tasks roll in like a snowball. Having fallen behind in class, it is difficult to catch up, and this becomes one of the reasons for refusing to go to school.

What to do? If the child is behind, he needs to be pulled up. Teacher help is the most clear and simple way, because he knows the assessment criteria and requirements for the student.

But often the child is plunged into helplessness by the inability to communicate. He must be taught to talk to the teacher - with this authoritative, important adult, on whom his position in the team depends. How to ask a question, how not to be afraid, how to openly communicate with the teacher - all this is important for a student to know in order to feel normal in class. Explain that there is nothing to be afraid of, and asking if something is unclear is the right thing to do, not a shameful thing.

Parents, in turn, should not run to the teacher every time and find out what happened. Just teach your child to overcome the barrier and communicate without fear.

Having been offended by the teacher, the child should receive the attitude in the family “let me help you figure it out.” Saying, “I’ll call the teacher now so you won’t be bullied,” will only increase the feeling of helplessness.

Reason 4: school bullying

Bullying by classmates is the most compelling reason for not wanting to show up at school. The child is scared, lonely and incomprehensible. And here parents can really help him.

There are different stages of bullying, from mild teasing to severe bullying. Light teasing is more or less the norm; there is no need to get involved and sort things out with the mothers and fathers of other children. Scandal with other parents, you worsen the child's situation.

What to do? If you have a trusting relationship with your child, you will definitely notice the early stages of bullying. If a child is being bullied at school, openly or secretly, it is imperative to intervene immediately. Under great stress, a child will habitually act like a victim and will not be able to resist violence from other children.

In this situation, it is best to change schools. However, this is not enough; the support of a psychologist is needed, because in another team the child will use the old behavioral pattern.

Reason 5: the child believes that he is being picked on

The child is sure that his efforts were underestimated, and the teacher deliberately lowers his grades.

What to do? Before helping a child cope with the injustice of life, we need to understand how adequate his demands are. Often children, due to high expectations, cannot find a common language with the teacher. They may expect, for example, to be praised for everything in the same way they are praised at home.

The teacher is a representative of an objective assessment system. If a child has not completed half of the tasks, then it is strange to expect delight and enormous praise.

You need to praise for tangible results. Teach your child to try and achieve results without the constant desire to hear the cherished “well done.”

It should be remembered that the child not only learns, but also gains social experience. Contact with people who are prejudiced against him is also part of life.

Discussion

In my opinion, bullying is the main reason here (unfortunately it occurs often(

I thought for a long time why my child had no desire for knowledge. It turned out, no matter how trivial it may sound, in the teacher’s teaching style. We transferred to another school, and there was a different “21st century elementary school” program, and the classroom was able to arouse interest in learning. I didn’t even expect that my son would be so interested in nature and professions.

05.25.2018 15:53:05, Olesya91

Comment on the article "Why does a child not want to go to school? 5 reasons"

Doesn't want to go to school. Psychology, adolescence. Teenagers. Doesn't want to go to school. 16 years old, 10th grade. Today I wake you up - I won’t go, do what you want. For some time there was even an improvement, it became calmer. And now the child doesn’t see the point in anything.

Discussion

change to a normal school, without showing off with a pretense of strength
strong, it’s still not the one where they ask a lot
such downshifting often works
It’s either that they’re overloaded in these lyceums or gymnasiums, or that there’s something wrong in the atmosphere there, but there are positive examples of avoiding show-offs
and straightened out and continued to study successfully, although it was difficult for parents to decide

Thanks everyone for pointing out possible reasons. I will think and try to change the situation. Then I’ll write how it all ended.

In elementary school, she was an excellent student, in the 5th-6th grade she moved out a little, in the 7th grade she moved to a new school, where her relationship with her did not work out. She stopped studying completely. I told my parents that I was doing my homework at my grandmother’s, I told my grandmother that I would do my homework at home - out of habit, they didn’t...

Discussion

We read developmental psychology:) At primary school age, the leading activity is educational. In early adolescence, interpersonal communication becomes the leading activity. In the sense that 6th graders have priority communication with peers. And this is where the girl has problems. That's why she doesn't want to study.
Don't scold, don't scare, and don't let the lessons take their course. Love, praise, spend free time with your child, talk about everything. Do your homework together. Immediately upon arrival from work. On the desk there is tea - sandwiches - sweets for brain function :) - hug and kiss your daughter and sit next to her.
It’s difficult for her now, but your task is to avoid gaps in knowledge. Support it for a year or two, and then it will go on its own.

my girls, you are so good! thanks for support. I now know that I am not the only one who has such problems.
earlier up to 5th grade. this was not the case, she slowly, but did her homework herself... yes, English. and the French and Math were always controlled...
What scares me is the lack of interest in studying, there are no favorite subjects, she’s either 5 or 3 the same... that’s what! maybe it’s true... MS is on the nose, so she’s struggling.

Liskai-answer:
I hope by the time she grows up and goes to vote, she will be given an extra portion of brains on a cart :) don’t give up on us. there are a lot of examples where super well-mannered and promising children became sophisticated criminals or just unpleasant people....so, your example with the button is unsuccessful.

IMHO, we need to figure out why he is not interested, why he doesn’t want to go to his friends, etc. My son also had it in the 3rd grade - with friends it was like trying to figure out the reasons, but letting the child understand that this does not negate the obligation to go to school. 12/25/2014 09:58:42, white-dove.

Discussion

According to my observations, people at this age don’t want to go to school because of relationships. With the teacher or other children.
IMHO, we need to figure out why he is not interested, why he doesn’t want to go to his friends, etc.
My son also had it in the 3rd grade - he sort of hung out with friends, but without much affection, did his homework in 15 minutes, started arguing over the computer, came up with a bunch of extra classes - clubs - olympiads - responsibilities and still had a lot of time left
I transferred to a strong school - heaven and earth. It was difficult, my grades were ruined, but I ran back and forth and did my homework all the way and rewrote it if it was ugly, so that the teacher would definitely like it. And in 5th it turned out to be much easier than for my former classmates - there was a very weak teacher there...
The poor neighbor stopped going to school when he was in 3rd grade; it turned out that the kids were bullying him - he was fat and red-haired.
I transferred to the parallel class - I stopped being a poor student - again, it was all because of our strange teacher that the problem was
In short, I am for finding out the reasons and if there is not enough load, creating it.
While we were following this path, my son won several competitions and competitions, learned to play tennis and became interested in football - thanks to boredom)))

Ignore whining. The question of “to go or not to go to school” is not negotiable, it is an obligation. You can tell them that if they don’t go to school, they will be taken into care, etc.
On the other hand, you can try to communicate with teachers - maybe they will help. Does your child have a success zone? Let them insist on this.
On the third hand, you can make a list of the advantages of going to school, decorate this list with a beautiful poster and hang it above your bed so that in the morning you won’t be so sad to wake up and go to school :)

The child is no longer a baby, let him study at the chosen school for at least six months, he needs to learn to be responsible for his decisions... for some, what will “study for six months” look like? absenteeism, blank expression at school? These are not the worst options. and also...

Discussion

The child is no longer a baby, let him study at the chosen school for at least six months, you need to learn to be responsible for your decisions... for some, especially the uncommunicative, ANY new school will be bad from the very beginning... I remember that I MYSELF wanted to move to another school, closer to home (when we moved) and therefore studied there, despite the fact that I didn’t like it there terribly, but after half a year I “got involved”, and the next year we had a wonderful “cool class” and now I remember those years as the best of all school years..

Let him stay at home for a few months. (like, sick). And then try to make your way back to the gymnasium.

01/22/2014 09:28:04, masha__usa

There is no school in Moscow where you have to study without rest. Unless, of course, the child studies all subjects of the school curriculum at an in-depth level. It seems to me that we need to avoid situations of failure, when it’s really hard to study, when all our energy goes into school, yes...

Discussion

My niece graduated from this lyceum in 2009. Now at MGIMO (budget). Strong geography, history, Russian. (My niece was an excellent student, and then she got C's.) She passed the Unified State Exam with 100 points. And she was not the only student with a high score. I took math with a tutor, because I wanted to go to HSE, but then I changed my mind. But I think that the tutor also helped with the Unified State Exam. The math there is not particularly strong. They teach English well (whoever you get into). The attitude towards children is respectful.
What school is your daughter currently studying at? (number, if possible) Where do they teach this now? My son didn’t get in... I saw the assignments. The math was not difficult, but only about 70 people were cut out (from which I conclude that they don’t teach math here). You need to know Russian thoroughly.. It’s not difficult, but there are a lot of nuances.
You can start studying there, have a look, and then, if you don’t like it, return to your school...Nothing criminal..

As I understand it, you are talking about 1535? Without trying, you won’t understand how much effort your child specifically will spend on studying.
What does your daughter say?
It’s a pity, I changed my similar topic from three years ago, it’s useless to give a link. Although no, still read the answers, my question was almost yours :).
And after these three years, I can say that, yes, studying is serious, but, believe me, this is not the only thing in a child’s life. :) I would upload it again :)

My daughter is 5.5 years old. She doesn’t want to do anything. I tried to send her to dance classes, but she doesn’t do it. I’ve been preparing children for school for 12 years as a teacher. if they want you to establish a dialogue with him, let them express their thoughts on why their child doesn’t want to...

Discussion

Not grown up. On the contrary, my son asked to go to the pool from the age of 3, but they took him to the nearest one only from the age of 6. And then he went for 2-3 months - and got tired of it - the water is cold, he says. From the age of 8 I enjoyed going with the class - apparently the water was heated. And my daughter has been asking to go to dances for a long time, but only in the spring was a group of 4 year olds recruited, before that, from the age of 5, they took me everywhere I could actually take. He walks with pleasure. In general, I wouldn’t suggest it myself until she wants to have children - I’d rather have less hemorrhoids, take me somewhere else, wait there, spend money

As a child, I didn’t go to any classes at all. It was lazy. At home with toys it’s a different matter. I always ate poorly, too, but few people like lessons/activities at all :) My children are the same... in the pool - they’ll just fool around, if they’re busy doing something, I won’t do it right away. When I go to gymnastics, I just show off my bodysuits in front of the girls, but the actual thing is so painful, I don’t like it, I don’t want to, I won’t. Now he’s crazy about dancing, but I think it’s also for the sake of dresses and hairstyles, but when it comes down to it, he’ll stop liking it again.

A lot depends on what kind of children will study with her in 5th grade. Children who are “motivated” usually go to “strong” schools. I’m also worried about this, but I know for sure that going to any of the other selected schools will be unrealistic - it’s too hard for a 5th grader...

Discussion

A lot depends on what kind of children will study with her in 5th grade. “Strong” schools are usually attended by “motivated” children, whose parents are interested in the quality of education, and therefore the contingent in them is somewhat different from the “yard” one. You may have to prepare separately to enter a good lyceum, which will negate your attempts to put your health first, as you will have to do a lot of extra work. If your school has a very strong gymnasium class, the children from which constantly participate and win competitions (for example), then there is nothing to worry about.

I transferred my daughter to the fourth grade to a strong school from the courtyard on August 31, because I didn’t like the schedule at the old school (classes start at 11:30). I didn’t even think that it would be so hard for her - from a “superstar” she turned into an average person, she cried over her lessons for almost six months, the only thing that helped her adaptation was that her favorite choreographer was then running a studio at this particular school. Only after almost two years did she begin to return to being an excellent student. Moreover, the lag last year “bitten” her so much that she wants to study for all A’s, although I, looking at this disgrace, dissuade her. She really likes her friends in her new class, even though they are all from different parts of the city. Now she only communicates with them, saying that life in this school is much more interesting than in the previous one.
In general, it is necessary to translate, and as soon as possible. I will immediately place the youngest one there so that she doesn’t suffer.

School: drive or transport?. Schools. Children's education. at the school next door - horror, 5-6 children each speak Russian poorly6 huge DZ, because in And in general, he is considering changing schools to a simpler one (I suggested it when the conversations started about how difficult it is to study...

Discussion

My eldest went to a good school. It takes an hour there, an hour back. I’m very pleased :) But I wouldn’t have sent him there since the fifth grade. Still very far away. And now I send my middle child to a good school, but it’s relatively close (one stop on the metro).

Many thanks to all participants - I almost stopped being a coward :)

Section: Kindergartens (a 6-year-old child does not want to go to kindergarten). Are you going to school next year or will you still be in the garden? And why don’t you like the garden so much? I don’t think we should give up adaptation. After all, if a child doesn’t get used to going to kindergarten now, then later...

Education and relationships with teenage children: adolescence, problems at school, career guidance, exams Questions for parents whose children went to technical school (college) after 9th grade. 1) Does your child regret not staying in school?

Discussion

My friend's son is no longer in college...
1. Has no regrets.
2. He also doesn’t regret it - there was nothing to do at school...
3. Not at all, except that he became even more independent, although much more...
4. “I’m tired of doing nonsense.” However, it turned out that college “is also nonsense.” But there they simply didn’t “babysit” him, like at school, and were waiting for their Majesty to deign to pass the exam *-(
5. army. Right here...

The nephew studied. He left school due to a low-level conflict with teachers. After college, I immediately went to the 3rd year of university in my specialty. He studied part-time and part-time. Have worked. I received my diploma and continue working. He hasn’t changed in any way, he’s always been smart and responsible for us :-)

Raising a child from 7 to 10 years old: school, relationships with classmates, parents and teachers, health In the 1st quarter, 2 B grades (Russian + ISO), now I think he will be an excellent student (or one B in ISO), considers drawing to be the hardest subject at school, on this...

Discussion

Try to sit down next to your son and sort it out: this week you have to do this and that at school... (write directly on paper), for this you will get such and such... (like below =LightA™=
writes), this may seem unpedagogical, but in the example of my child it worked. Last year, my son was interested in various children's magazines and stickers, and that's all we went with. I now remember 1st grade with horror (my son is now in 2nd grade), it was the same as yours. In December, I actually wanted to take him to home schooling, because the child was only present at school, but wrote only in mathematics and Russian (and not all of them), art and labor did not exist in nature at all for him, for the entire first year he completed I only drew something a couple of times, and even then only in the spring. The teacher did not put pressure on him, that is, he just sat and looked out the window, telling me that he had not yet matured. He didn’t do anything in terms of outlining, shading, painting, he didn’t even take out this notebook. From the second half of the year they already had diaries, there was not a single week without comments - he left the lesson early, did nothing, did not write down, etc., I was generally shocked by all this, because... the child went to school very prepared, and in my opinion there shouldn’t have been any problems at all. We ran to psychologists. The verdict is that he is not ready for school (frankly speaking, his first teeth fell out only this summer at the age of 8), for him the teacher is not an authority, he does not understand adult commands as a decree for mandatory execution, like wait, it will resolve itself. Now 2nd grade - heaven and earth. It is very easy to learn without straining. He also works in the classroom inactively and flies away (but this is also a characteristic of his neurological and psychological development). In the 1st quarter, 2 B's (Russian + Art), now I think he will be an excellent student (or one B in Art), he considers drawing to be the hardest subject at school, there are reasons for this, he also sees the world especially (like K.’s son), for example, he can draw a pear on a Christmas tree :))). So look for ways to see your son, you can also go to a psychologist to calm him down.

Section: Lessons (the kids don’t want to do their homework, I’m going crazy). Doesn't want to study at all. For lessons not done without good reason, you need to be punished every time, and if you say something, you are deprived of a walk. A child who only suffers at school can also keep himself busy.

Discussion

10 years have passed. Interesting to know how your son is doing.

02/20/2019 11:16:53, Irina4747

What does he do because he has to? It’s not interesting, you don’t want to, but it’s a MUST?
What does he know about you from what you do regularly on the basis of “like it or not, chew my beauty”?
About other people from the same?
This is what I mean, motivation is wonderful, it allows you to do it with pleasure. But discipline is more important than what must be done, it still has to be done. And whoever does not know how to motivate himself is to blame, which means he will do it without pleasure. But it will still happen. Do. Everything you need. On time.
IMHO, the child simply has not formed the idea of ​​discipline and fulfilling one’s duty as an integral part of life from which no one has escaped and cannot be avoided.

Hard isn't the right word, but she liked the fig. skating and she will never leave it. I myself studied in a similar school, only we did not have a boarding school, but a special class based on an ordinary good school. The schedule was roughly the same as yours - training in the morning before school, first...

Discussion

Thanks everyone for your opinions. All in all. I took the path of removing responsibility from myself - I gave the choice to my daughter)
She confirmed that she wants to move to another school for 2 training sessions. She described all the disadvantages in terms of loads, gaps, etc., she also said about girls who don’t go... the answer is, well, mom, you already heard the answer, why did you ask me at all?
We talked to the teacher at the music school, she was upset because she had already entered some kind of competition, she had chosen a program for this year... but in general we decided that for now we would do standard training and put gymnastics as a priority. The teacher agrees) The school also warned the teacher, who asked, if possible, to formally keep the child enrolled in school - without attending classes. But I don’t know whether this will work in practice. In general, we’ll try it and see how it turns out.

I agree with your husband. Now you can still try. If he doesn’t go, he’ll give up and have time to fill in the gaps (if they suddenly appear) both in general education and in musical education, i.e. Over the next 2 years, both you and the child will understand 100% whether it’s yours or not.
My colleague transferred his daughter from 3rd grade to external education because... they have serious tennis lessons.
The neighbor's girl was suffering - figure skating and general education school:(. Training in the morning at CSKA (Moscow), running to school for the second lesson (I never had time for the first), and after the sixth lesson I rushed to training in Belyaevo (on rented ice). And "Hard" is not the right word, but she liked skating and she would never leave it.
And you have wonderful conditions. And training, and studying, and feeding, and under supervision until 18 pm. Transfer and try, and then decide whether you will become a professional or not. Your daughter will always be accepted into a comprehensive school.

The child doesn’t do anything at school, we do everything at home, I ask why you don’t do it at school, he answers, I’m afraid to get a bad grade, The teacher answers my questions about how the child is doing. But the first day is tomorrow and I want to try to write something and give it to my daughter with me. About studying in first grade.

Discussion

Oh. we went through this in first grade

Transferring to another school helped me a lot. Another atrocity helped: once she forced him to rewrite the entire notebook from the beginning to the middle approximately. I sat until one in the morning. The next evening I checked the errors and forced me to rewrite it again. And so on until the errors almost ended.
It took five evenings.
But he writes like an airplane. No errors, fast. And in class it’s easier to write so that they fall behind. Now he does his homework during breaks :))

The girl didn’t go to kindergarten before school, she sat at home with her grandmother, because she was the same in kindergarten. Then, for a number of reasons, for the first few classes, my son passed as an external student, and I studied with him myself. See other discussions: Why does my child not want to go to school?

Discussion

We had the same thing last year - after the summer holidays, my daughter couldn’t get back into school. Every morning she felt sick when approaching school. Despite the fact that the school is small, friendly, comfortable, all the teachers call all the children by their first names, etc.
I was afraid that I couldn’t cope (although I coped well with everything, that they would scold me - although no one thought of scolding me.
We were helped by conversations with the teacher, she outlined the situation to her, asked her “not to find fault” and not to make any comments or even hints at comments at all... Luckily for me, the teacher also has a daughter, only a year older than mine and with similar problems...
By the way, the school psychologist wasn’t very helpful, he talked to her and said that the child was normal and didn’t see any problems, he only said that we should buy her a Barbie, because all the girls in the class play. By the way, then they started playing with different horses, my daughter brought her toys to school, and there all the girls played some kind of general role-playing games, but each with her own horse - I think this really helped her “get involved”, there came a moment when and she didn’t want to go to school, and the expectation of something not very pleasant was burdensome, but she remembered the game of horses, and she went there more willingly.

Gradually everything faded away - 2 months after the start of school everything settled down, but throughout the last year we were simply overcome by colds, etc. - until pneumonia - maybe it was the body’s reaction to the reluctance to go to school??

Now I’m in 3rd grade - before starting school, I was also worried that similar things would happen, however, it seems that my daughter has outgrown these problems..
I don’t know if my message will help you, but just know that this too shall pass..
Now I would talk to my daughter more often about what is going on at school, I would not let the slightest problems grow, that is, I would extinguish them at the root, I would find out what they do during breaks, what games they play, etc.
Good luck...

Actually I would try:
1. Find out about your daughter’s friends, meet them in the morning so that the children go to class together. I would promote friendship with classmates (invite them home, organize tea parties in the classroom on occasions of birthdays, other common events, even trips to interesting places with 2-3 children besides yours) and would focus attention on meetings at school with these children.
2. She suggested that her daughter play school at home. You are her, the student. She plays different roles: now a teacher, now a friend, now a security guard, now “whoever wants.” It is possible that you will discover many new and unexpected things.
3. She asked me to tell you about school every day. What lessons were there? Who did they ask? Was she asked? As she said, is she satisfied with her answer? How did you play during recess? Who was she talking to? Your interest (not fears, but interest) contributes to understanding whether the girl is behaving correctly, whether there are any strange things in relation to her. You can suggest something. In a confidential conversation, a child can explain something without “clinging on” or getting nervous. If the house is not separated from the school by a wall, but is a logical continuation of one another, the adaptation will be smoothed out.
4. Achieve, through a psychologist, neurologist or any other doctor, the opportunity to sometimes sit in class during lessons. And see if there are any traumatic situations.

And if I still don’t get peace of mind, I would postpone school until the 5th grade. If the girl is smart, why don’t you tell her yourself about two times two is four in the school curriculum, and she won’t pass everything in the external course without mental trauma and problems? In the meantime, it is logical to find clubs and classes that attract people, so that there is an incentive to go there. Gain positive motivation.

A 15-year-old teenage boy simply stopped going to school. No, we need to figure out why he skips school, you can’t be carried around by the hand all your life, you need to find out the reasons for this behavior, maybe it’s at school. What to do if your child doesn’t want to go to school?

Discussion

My child is now finishing his first year at Moscow State University, he entered without tutors, but there was a lot of absenteeism at school. The reasons are tense relationships with teachers. I talked about it at school, then I realized that it was not only useless, but very harmful, and I even stopped going to meetings. I sat with my son to teach him his least favorite lessons, and begged and persuaded. Yes, I sat with a 17-year-old guy and read essays on Onegin before the exam! I was very afraid that I would fall apart, it was leading to this psychologically. By the way, I wasn’t the only one sitting with the child. My friend also read books on literature with her daughter. Try to understand the child and take his side. Either it’s hard for him to study in general, or in individual subjects, or “the cat crossed the road” and “found a scythe on a stone.” Maybe it's better to change schools? If you're lazy, they wrote correctly about the belt and the grave mound. If principles are a completely different matter. At the age of 15, a person would rather quit school and do stupid things than go beyond all this.

“I think that you should say everything frankly, tell me thoroughly about the army, vocational school, in short about your future life. Ask: “What are you going to live on, dear?” Do you want to cut through the car and work while sitting on your butt?" We must not explain “what is good and what is bad,” but we must make him understand that life beats him with terrible force for mistakes and for such naked irresponsibility in his future There are only three things waiting for him: a vocational school with a meager salary, a prison with prisoners, or a small grave in a Chechen village. We must put everything in this light: his parents don’t give a damn, even if it’s a big deal, but in the future he won’t receive a penny from the aforementioned parents, and then he apparently decided that childhood is too good to fall out of; look, he will hang his legs from your neck and will sit like that until old age and kick his ass. You need to make them understand with your active actions that nothing falls from the sky by itself and parents they will not be able to support the child forever and until he realizes this, there is no point in fighting: only he alone can cope with this UNIVERSAL EVIL. The only thing you can do in this situation is to take a tough position: to all the joys of life (TV, computer, and etc. etc.) the end has come. You NEED to directly state that after the army he will do whatever he wants and you won’t care. Finally, you can practice an old method that effectively pushes a child’s thought processes - the father belt. As one philosopher used to say, “bodily suffering strengthens the spirit.” I myself am a pacifist and do not recognize violence, but in the fight against UNIVERSAL EVIL, also called LAZINESS, all methods are good. Yes, to be honest, I’m lazy too, we are all lazy to some extent, but some fight laziness and drive Mercedes, while others don’t fight and become homeless. If it finally dawns on him that he belongs to the latter, then perhaps all is not lost for you,” - Cheerful Anonymous, 15 years old.

05/19/2006 21:01:04, Cheerful Anonymous

Child development psychology: child behavior, fears, whims, hysterics. At first, the child did not want to be left without his mother, and I was present at the classes. Why not write directly. Our doors are closed because there is a draft, and the children are on rugs on the floor because...

Discussion

“Staying alone in class” is an intrinsic value. I’ll tell you frankly: as a teacher, “I would have hammered it in” :-) Here you think about business, about work, about occupation, but on the parent’s mind it’s “one child, or more than one, and how many meters for how many minutes I can run away from him." Focus on the music now. How to practice MUSIC more effectively. The child will leave in a couple of years, he will not go anywhere. If now for the Work it is necessary for you to sit on the chair next to the child, do so. First of all, Business.

Maybe the behavior before classes changed due to some other events or experiences? Something seems to be bothering the child. Try to calm him down and give him confidence outside of the classroom situation. You yourself know what is suitable for you and for yourself - reading while sitting in bed together, or going to the pool - but physical contact helps many. And then, perhaps, the situation with classes will improve. I understand how difficult it is for you, but try not to focus on it. I also agree with the advice to teach your child to be in the company of other people, but this will work out better if he is confident in himself and you. So try to work on it.

We are studying according to the elementary school program of the 21st century. The program is competent, knows how to interest children, the material is okay! It means explaining the rules in Russian, learning to count in your head in mathematics, learning to retell them orally, and not just...

If you ride the wave of a child’s interest in what is happening, then you can learn to read. It seems to me that if you delay and wait, then you should wait all the way to school in hopes. Teenagers don’t want to study: why? School psychologist about increasing motivation and harmful...

Discussion

Nadezhda Grigorievna, thank you.
So nice that my opinion
completely coincides with yours.
That's how I acted.
I would also like to recommend buying
as many different ones as possible
interesting books. (and don’t be offended
if the child does not watch them. Not
watching now, well, in a year
will look, but with pleasure).
Let them just be, and be sure
in such a place that their child would
I always saw it and could take it myself.
(it’s better to have a children’s rack
in a visible place).
Try it, you will be surprised at the result!

09/07/2000 23:49:41, Anna

Nadezhda Grigorievna, I have a very difficult child. And very psychologically literate. She may be spending her nights learning to read on her own, I’m not sure that’s not the case. But all the games, reasons, etc. - mean nothing to her. From about the moment she learned to appreciate someone's knowledge and skills, for example mine, she does not begin to do anything that someone else at home already does better than her. She almost stopped drawing when she realized that I was a better drawer. Luckily I have problems with color and prefer graphics. I managed to convince her that I don’t know how to paint at all, and so she paints. And so it is in everything. This is some kind of painful self-criticism. Looks like it's congenital. And rationality. Well, she doesn’t understand why she should waste time reading the title of a book if I can do it faster. Why read something in a computer game if I can sit next to it and do everything for it. Etc. She perceives any reluctance to do something for her with sincere bewilderment, because I would help any other family member to read anything if their glasses get damaged, for example. In short, guard duty. What words are on the walls! We made renovations in the hallway, she didn’t notice until she reached into the closet and discovered that it had different doors.

My daughter is in 6th grade English. special schools. She is also a child with average abilities, but this is not so bad! These abilities are quite enough for the child to study with a B, and most of the class is like her. Actually, there are no double-students there at all, and why, yes, because if these schools differ from ordinary ones, then, in my opinion, it is precisely because there parents take care of their children. The programs are of course complex, in English, for example, they take two courses at once - Oxford + Vereshchagina, German from the fifth grade. Almost everyone catches up with tutors from time to time and this is considered the norm. Therefore, if a child “can’t handle it,” parents usually transfer him to a regular school so as not to torture him. It’s generally ridiculous to compare a special school with courses. For example, in a regular school I had a 5 in English, which means my speaking level is still not bad, but my daughter already speaks better than me. In addition, I am very pleased that my daughter is studying in an atmosphere of educational prestige, which I don’t see in a regular school. And I am glad that she is freed from the need to communicate with all sorts of, excuse me, idiot drug addicts from dysfunctional families. Regarding the overcrowding of children from low-income families, rumors are also greatly exaggerated. We have a good school on Chistye Prudy, children from families with different incomes, but for some reason in five years I have never heard from my child any stories on this topic. So, I think the advantages of such schools are obvious, and all problems with admission are worth overcoming.

If your teenage son sits lounging in class, this does not always mean that he is bored gnawing on the granite of science. If your teenage daughter cries instead of doing her homework and complains about how quickly she gets tired, this does not mean that she is lazy. It’s just that they are now at a stage of physiological development when it is actually difficult to study, says Elena LEVANOVA, professor of the Department of Higher School Pedagogy at Moscow State Pedagogical University.

Science explains...

1. Against the background of a hormonal explosion, which occurs in girls at the age of 11-12, and in boys at 12-13, the processes of excitation in the cerebral cortex proceed very quickly, and the processes of inhibition - slowly. This means that teenagers are distracted, turned on and irritated by every little thing, but it’s not easy for them to stop or slow down. They all cling to words and people, although it’s high time to say: “Let’s go!”

Of course, in such a state it is difficult to concentrate on lessons, concentrate, and not be distracted. And their memory often fails because of this: when it’s interesting, everything is remembered easily, but when it becomes boring, nothing stays in the head!

2. Bones and muscles grow unevenly at this time, all movements become uncoordinated and awkward. No matter how you sit, everything is uncomfortable, and adults say: “Don’t spin around, don’t fall apart in your chair.” It’s especially hard for boys; they stretch out more than girls. Therefore, their bone fragility is higher at this age. They are more likely to break arms and legs. And they have a greater need to stretch out on the sofa, to just lie down when they come home. And we shout: “Why are you lying around, sit down and do your homework!”

3. The heart grows and... hurts, at times it beats frequently. The brain does not receive the required amount of oxygen. The head thinks worse and gets tired faster. Hurts. Lack of oxygen can lead to fainting. Girls are especially susceptible to fainting. They are more likely to suffer from high blood pressure. The peak of such juvenile hypertension occurs at 13-14 years of age. And we, adults, as luck would have it, do not allow them to fully move and breathe. At school, teenagers hear: “Don’t mess around in class! There’s no point in running out into the yard during recess and carrying dirt to school!” At home we say: “Where did you go for a walk? Homework is not done yet!”

4. Hormonal storms cause a teenager’s emotions to change as often as pieces of glass in a kaleidoscope. Either everything is interesting to him and the teenager works with joy, or suddenly he gets irritated for no reason, is ready to cry, or simply falls into apathy. Girls are especially emotionally unstable; their mood is associated with the establishment of the menstrual cycle.

The play of hormones forces young ladies to plunge into the world of women's interests. Now every girl's main concern is how she looks, whether her breasts are too small or not too large, and whether boys pay attention to them? All thoughts about the sciences, except for the “science of tender passion,” fade into the background.

Boys are less concerned with their appearance, but their “sore topic” is height. Which one is taller? What can you do to grow even bigger?

5. The digestive system at this time reacts very painfully to prolonged emotional and physical stress. Fatigue and stress cause gastroenterological diseases in adolescents no less often than dry food. When your stomach hurts, what lessons are there?

...and advises

How can we help these outwardly almost adult, often aggressive and so vulnerable children?

Psychologists and teachers advise:

• There is no need to once again excite and irritate teenagers with an orderly tone, try to communicate as equals. They no longer look up to us, they perceive us now critically and want to stand next to us on the same level.
• Give teenagers the opportunity to move more - they should spend at least 3 hours a day moving. They now simply need physical education and sports. It is now that flexibility, dexterity, good coordination, and plasticity of movements are honed. It depends on how the teenage years pass, whether our children will become graceful or whether clumsiness in movement will remain with them for the rest of their lives. Understand that their body is uncomfortable for teenagers now, don’t laugh at their clumsiness, don’t scold them when they spin around during class and always try to lie down on the sofa.

  Now they must consume more calcium in their food than adults, especially boys, they need proteins, they need phosphorus, vitamin D...

• The physiological load on the body of a teenager is higher than that of a primary school student! And he sleeps much less, considering himself already an adult. A teenager should sleep at least 9 hours! And it would be nice to take another hour during the day.
• You need to take a walk every day. The body simply needs oxygen! And you need to study lessons in a ventilated room.
• Pay more attention to your difficult child, do not limit your communication only to questions: “Have you eaten? What are your grades at school?” Teenagers only pretend that they no longer need us. In fact, our attention, our friendship, our opinion, expressed kindly and tactfully, is very important to them. In their circle they quote us!
• We all want our children to learn as much knowledge as possible in their youth. We want them to study responsibly and do well. But their workload at school is such that it is impossible to learn everything that is asked. Moscow Pedagogical State University conducted a study and found out that in order for a 7th grade student to do everything that is assigned to him in all subjects every day, he needs to assimilate on average every day the information presented on 26 pages of the textbook, and, mind you, not only assimilate, but also be ready to reproduce it the next day.

  An experiment with volunteer excellent students, intellectually well-developed children, showed that it is possible to complete such a volume of tasks only if, upon returning from school, you immediately sit down to your homework and do them until one in the morning.

An unreasonable school load forces a child to treat lessons selectively: do some, skip some, skim some...

You can't study all the sciences. But we need to raise our children not only smart, but also healthy and happy. I would really like to!

Vitalie CEBANU, public figure:

Difficult at times! The school curriculum today is much more complex than it was in our time. This is done so that each subsequent generation progresses - and that's okay! Is this good or bad for parents? On the one hand it’s good, on the other hand it’s not so good. Because the middle class is disappearing. What I mean is that children have to do very well to get into university, otherwise they will end up at the bottom. There is no middle ground! This is not only psychologically difficult for children, but morally! Parents either force their children to study well, or the role of corruption increases.

Maria ANDRIUTSE, Director of Marketing and PR at Geta Burlacu’s Event Agency:

I think it’s always “difficult” to study at school, but there are factors that help you be excellent students in the 90s, in the 2000s, and in the 10s. I’ll list it point by point: 1) a charismatic teacher who interests you so much that it’s a shame not to know, 2) a competent class teacher who knows how to motivate, and 3) wise parents who know how to turn school into a game. The main thing is to explain what exactly your studies will help you with - who you can become. In general, detailed motivation is everything, and studying is a cool party.

Olga POGODAEVA, philologist:

I don't think it's any more difficult now than it was before. Of course, the amount of information they have to learn has increased. On the other hand, there are more opportunities to obtain data. Today you no longer need to sit in the library for hours just to write an essay; everything has been replaced by the Internet.

Vyacheslav VALKO, head of the consumer community sodrujestvo:

Does anyone study there? Children now at school are simply serving time.

Alina RYBAK, light industry technologist:

My mother-in-law is a school teacher. I listen to her stories and understand that studying at school now is both difficult and useless! Sometimes completely unnecessary topics and subjects are included in the program. This is a complete waste of time and effort; children have no interest in knowledge.

Nikita TSURKAN, head of the online portal:

I don't think it's any harder than it was before. With the development of information technology, it is probably even easier. I remember how I used to go to the library with my classmates, looking for information in order to write essays. Now everything you need is on Google. So there's no point in complaining. The main desire...

Ilona BATAL, marketing specialist:

It seems to me that it has become more difficult. But the point is not in the amount of workload, but in the fact that children do not understand why they need it all. So they have no desire to learn. Moreover, when the body is young, you want to frolic, run, do something, sitting at a desk seems like real torture.

You can study perfectly well and not constantly sit behind textbooks, forgetting about everything else. There is always room to grow, there is always something that can be improved. Studying hard will make you happy and content. If you get good grades, you will probably be able to get into a prestigious higher education institution, after which you will be able to find a good job. Great, isn't it? All you have to do is learn how to get good grades! Keep reading and you will learn how to succeed in school.

Don't limit yourself to general information. There is no need to learn bare facts. This doesn’t make people smarter, and they don’t learn to analyze. Therefore, if you really want to start studying with only A's, you need to constantly ask the question “why”. Why the process goes this way and not another, why this or that condition is necessary - understanding this will help you apply your knowledge in practice, including in situations that have not yet been discussed in class.

Use other people's knowledge. Not in the “write it off” sense, no! Ask for advice and tips from friends, adults, teachers, study how others solved this or that problem. Broaden your horizons, and studying will be much easier for you.

Do your best. It is important not only to memorize the material, but also to periodically return to what you have learned. This is necessary to refresh the knowledge in your head, otherwise some of the material will simply be forgotten. This way you can easily pass any test and pass any exam. If during an exam or test you come across a difficult question that you don't remember the answer to, don't worry. Write the question down on a separate sheet of paper and concentrate. After some time, you will definitely remember the answer to the question.

Work hard in class

1. Be careful . You'll be surprised how many new things you can remember if you just listen carefully. Be smarter: try to understand the subject, and not just mechanically write down the teacher’s words, and studying will be much easier.

   • If you are often distracted or have difficulty maintaining concentration, take vitamins, eat right and, if necessary, take medications. And most importantly, come to lessons with a thirst for knowledge!

2. Ask questions. More precisely, ask the teacher relevant questions. Analyze what exactly you do not understand in the material, think about what exactly you need to clarify for yourself, and ask the appropriate question. But first, analyze everything you've learned before thinking that you didn't understand something. In order not to forget, write down the question on a piece of paper, go to the teacher and ask when he can help you figure out what you don’t understand.

   • Feel free to ask questions! No one can know everything in the world, and there is nothing wrong with not understanding something. We all have to learn something. Your teacher, for example, knows this very well and will be happy to help.

3. Review the course outline. In Russian realities, all you have to do is look through a textbook. By the way, this will be useful just like that, as part of general development.

   • This is especially clearly noticeable in the example of history textbooks, where after analyzing one era and/or event, the next era is analyzed, which is associated with the period studied. Analyze this connection and learn to work better with information.

4. Take notes. There is no need to mindlessly write down everything under the dictation of the teacher. Take notes, write down the most important things schematically, and then supplement the diagram with details and examples. At the end, you can briefly summarize everything you learned in the lesson - this will be useful to you in the future.

   • If you are working ahead of the school curriculum, then write down what you do not understand and then ask the teacher the appropriate question.

5. Don't miss classes. If you were sick, ask your teacher or classmates what went on without you and study the topic.

   Discuss your grades with your teachers. Ask what the teacher thinks about the quality of your work and why he gave you a particular grade. Work on topics that need improvement, and be prepared to take on extra assignments if they can improve your grade in a subject.

Work hard at home

Do your homework. This is a mandatory and important point. Sometimes teachers don't check your homework, but even then you should motivate yourself to complete it. The deeper you dive into the subject, the better. Homework is designed to help you consolidate what you have learned. If you haven’t been assigned anything at home, then read the textbook.

• Homework grades have the same impact on academic performance as class work.

1. Exercise a little every day. This way, the material you have covered will be better remembered, and no unexpected test or test will take you by surprise.

   Read the textbook, looking ahead (except in those rare cases when the teacher specifically asks not to do this). This will help you figure out in advance which topics may be difficult.

   Don't put it off until later. Don't put off your homework until the night: Of course, if you have an assignment due urgently, you should work on it until late, but let this be an extreme case and not the usual state of affairs. Typically, try to do the following. If the assignment is due in two weeks, make a plan and write down the main points in the first week. Over the weekend, compile your notes into a coherent whole to get a finished draft, and in the second week just refine it if necessary, edit it and print it out. Don't forget to submit your work on time; if you are given time before some date, turn it in a day early to show your effort and give the teacher more time to check.

   • Starting a project or other large assignment early will give you time to ask your teacher questions, clarification, or advice. If you follow the teacher's advice in those moments that caused you difficulties or doubts, your grade will probably be higher.

2. Try explaining the material to someone. Find a quiet, peaceful place (this could very well be your room) and imagine that you are a teacher explaining a subject to a student. This is a good way to determine how well you understand the material, and also to better retain what you understand. If a classmate asks you to help him understand a topic, or it is generally accepted that strong students “pull up” those who are lagging behind, take advantage of this.

   Do your homework in a designated area. You need a desk, minimal distractions, and an understanding that studying is a habit. Accordingly, it is quite possible to train your brain to give it its all right here and at this particular time. All this will help you succeed in your studies.

   If you have time, read the additional material. It doesn’t matter on the Internet or in the library - read books about what you are learning. The more you learn, the better your grades will be.

   Consider hiring a tutor. If possible, why not? Remember, there is nothing wrong with asking for help and it can have a positive impact on your grades.

September 1 is coming soon, which means millions of children will be going back to school, many of them for the first time. Which of them will have a harder time learning than their peers?

Shy child

Shy children, as a rule, are those who: it seems to them that they know and can do less than others, and look worse than others. More than anything else, they are afraid to answer at the board - they think that everyone will notice how imperfect they are and will laugh and tease them. Very quickly, school can become for such a child a place that he will avoid at all costs - for example, pretending to be sick just to stay at home.

For whatever reason your son or daughter became such, he will work with them at a special training, he will also give specific recommendations on how to improve the child’s opinion of himself and, as a result, make him less timid and shy.

But there are also universal tips that parents of shy children can take into account. First of all, it is important to praise such a child for any of his achievements, no matter how insignificant they may seem - after all, each person has his own ceiling in this sense. For a variety of reasons, not everyone can fly into space; for some, learning to cook breakfast or iron a school uniform is already a feat. It is equally important to create conditions in which a shy child will feel like a winner - for example, he will wash the floor in his room, for which he must be praised, thus reinforcing a useful skill.

It is also necessary for a timid child to communicate as much as possible, at first with friendly people, which will allow him to conclude: the world around him is not as dangerous as he thought, and among those around him there are more good people than bad. Even if life subsequently corrects this attitude, he will be ready for such changes in consciousness, since by that time he will have already enlisted the support of friends and acquaintances.

A child prone to aggression

Such children are a headache for everyone, from teachers to peers. They create problematic situations not only during breaks, but also during lessons, preventing other children from learning and teachers from presenting the material. But most of all, such children cause inconvenience to themselves: they learn knowledge worse than their classmates, because in class they are busy thinking up - and sometimes carrying out - new tricks. They are treated poorly in class, so they often feel lonely and unwanted. They themselves are not happy that they behave this way, but they cannot correct themselves - the desire to fight and be mischievous is stronger than them.

Child with poor health

Children with poor health constantly miss classes due to various illnesses, but when they return to school, it turns out that their class has gone far ahead in terms of knowledge, and now they need to work hard to catch up with it. In order to show good results in such a situation, remarkable physical and moral efforts are needed, which a sick child again does not have. It turns out to be a vicious circle, from which it can be difficult to get out.

What to do if your child is often sick and you suspect that he may find himself in the situation described above? There are a number of measures that will help, if not completely avoid it, then at least minimize the consequences. Of course, you need to take care of them in advance. So, you shouldn’t try by hook or by crook to get your son or daughter into a prestigious school or lyceum with inflated requirements for students. Why doom him to the fate of an outcast who will study worse than everyone else, and, therefore, the attitude of teachers and classmates towards him will be appropriate? A simple - no requests - school is more suitable.

For the same purpose, it is worth looking for an additional social circle for the child - for example, in the yard or a circle in which he will study. Then, being excluded from the educational process for some time, he will not find himself alone. It is also very important to interest such a child in reading - this is also education, only more interesting and exciting than school disciplines, which seem boring to our children.

A child with increased levels of anxiety

Such children are afraid of everything in the world: the road to school, the teacher’s comments, the ridicule of classmates, and a bad grade can even drive him into depression. If your child is anxious about anything related to school, perhaps you took him there too early: he was simply not ready for such a serious change. Most often this happens to autumn-winter children who by September 1 have not yet reached the required age for school. It is not for nothing that the generation of our mothers and grandmothers preferred to send their children to school not a year earlier, but a year later, when they reached the required level of social adaptation.

Gestalt therapists work best with anxious children, many of whose techniques can be repeated by any mother at home. Is it difficult, for example, to ask a child to draw a picture of his fear or make a list of everything he is afraid of, and then ritually burn this piece of paper? And, of course, you shouldn’t laugh at your child’s fears or, God forbid, scold him for being afraid of something, as well as. You should not confront him head-on with his fear by artificially creating the appropriate situation - for example, forcing him to walk alone through a dark gateway, because in this case you risk getting a completely neurotic child instead of just an anxious child. But it is possible and necessary to explain to him that everyone has their own fears, but they overcome them, and only those who do nothing make mistakes.

Thank you for your help in uncovering the topic. psychologist Marina Eliseeva.

Alexandra Voloshina