It happens that you read the news feed or watch TV - and it’s already bad: murders, cruelty, the indifference of others to the world... And then you still worry for some time.
But is it possible to do so without worrying? How to persist in a situation where there is too much tension? Why do we get involved in the stories of loved ones or in other people’s problems, start doing good deeds, and then it turns out that no one asked...
Not turning on, is this possible?
On the one hand, it is normal to react to events in the world and in your immediate environment. No one is iron and human enough - get emotionally involved . However, the further history of the reaction can be divided into two categories: you react and it does not change you, and you react and the situation absorbs you. We will consider the second option.
Why is it difficult to stop in your emotions?
A situation in which your loved one made some wrong decision, and you know that it was a mistake. A situation in which some kind of misfortune happens to relatives and you live with it, as if you are inside their story. The situation when you read news about cruelty in the world... What is behind this?
When you need to save someone
If a situation that is emotionally involving causes you to have three strong reactions:
- I'll save you (your husband, child, mother, girlfriend, acquaintances, homeless animals, etc.);
- I'm being humiliated again (they don’t listen, don’t respect, insult, don’t appreciate, etc.);
- I know what's best , and these idiots (weaklings, stupid people - all unflattering words about people) are simply asking for my reaction.
Then you are in Karpman triangle . These three positions simply absorb a person’s healthy strategies. It is impossible to react constructively from them, since all roles flow from each other. This is a vicious circle in which someone is necessarily to blame, someone is sure to suffer, someone urgently needs to be saved...
If you are in the Karpman triangle, you cannot remain in one of the roles, since you are necessarily the same aggressor for someone as someone is for you, you are sure to save someone somewhere without solving your situation, and you You will often provoke situations of “injustice”.
What to do about it?
You can only exit the triangle. Adaptation won't help. If you find yourself in one role, then you need to find two more, remember trigger zones (situations that draw you into a triangle) and then simply stop reacting in the usual way, asking yourself honest questions:
- Why am I in this situation?
- Why do I constantly suffer (get angry, save someone)?
- what is my benefit?
And discovering a hidden need for something (for attention, for increasing self-esteem, for running away from one’s problems) - to find another way implementation.
Why are people indifferent?
Behind the feeling that someone is cold and indifferent next to you, someone often says no, and you give all (all) of yourself, there is a childish attitude and lack of personal boundaries .
In this case, it is important to establish for yourself the concepts that:
- the other person has the right to you not to love and not listen (this also applies to children);
- the other person has the right say no , even if you are in a similar situation to him; helped (otherwise it should be a pre-agreed “quid pro quo” barter);
- the other person has the right not to react to the situation in the way you expect from him or you want;
- another man don't owe you anything (this also applies to children: children do not owe you anything, they did not stand in line in the cosmic kitchen and asked you to urgently give birth to them in exchange for eternal love and total respect).
And most importantly, you too you have the right :
- don't love everyone
- not to be good
- not react the way someone wants.
It is in this line of behavior that healthy people are born, holistic relationship with everyone: loved ones, children, colleagues, the world.
You can't control the world and the world doesn't have to listen to you. But you can build such relationships and such a circle of close people in which no one will be a victim and everyone will have a chance to be heard and accepted in a timely manner.
Psychologist
Olga Golubitskaya
“Sometimes it’s hard for me to be around people,” writes Alena. – Recently I was traveling on a train with one woman. And she constantly poked her child. Either don’t touch the window, don’t stretch your legs, or don’t go beyond the boundaries when you paint. And she put him to sleep by slapping him on the head. I felt very sorry for the baby, but who am I to point out?
And after meetings I can’t come to my senses for a long time: even if it wasn’t me, but someone else who got it, I cry in the toilet. My husband says I'm very sensitive. What to do?"
Alena's husband is absolutely right. There are people who are especially sensitive. And there is such a term in psychology: HSPs (highly sensitive people). And psychologist Elaine N. Aron introduced this term, describing it in her book The Highly Sensitive Person.
So, what are highly sensitive people like?
HSPs react more strongly than others to stimuli from the surrounding world. They process any stimuli, both positive and negative, so carefully that they then experience an overload of consciousness. As a result, such people break down, cry, hide from others - in a word, they scare themselves and others.
They are physiologically interested in everything. They perfectly feel taste, touch, hear sounds, smell. They can cry in a movie theater, become depressed from a negative plot in a painting in a museum, feel sad when someone nearby is sad, are acutely aware of both beauty and the mockery of nature, and can suffer for a very long time due to the random criticism of a stranger.
They are also very sensitive to emotions, their own and others. They can easily put themselves in the shoes of any person, realize how he feels, and in accordance with this they understand why he acted this way and not otherwise. This is called "developed empathy."
Aren't these introverts? No. HSP is a completely different concept. A highly sensitive person can be either an introvert or an extrovert. He may have many friends or few. He may even, like a true extrovert, strive for society, strive to help everyone, and then get tired of worrying about everyone who is dear to him.
Where do HSPs come from?
And the reasons for the emergence of such mental characteristics are physiological. In HSPs, the part of the brain that is responsible for synthesizing information about the environment and a person’s mood is more active. Such people have a high level of empathy due to an increased number of mirror neurons (brain cells responsible for the experiences of another person).
Hypersensitivity is not a disease or complex in nature. This is just a hereditary trait that helps the entire species survive. For example, sensitive horses in a herd are known to have special responsibilities. They should always be at the edges of the herd so that in case of danger they can change their behavior, thereby warning the entire herd and saving it from attack.
Pros of HSP
- HSPs, as we have already said, are very empathic, and therefore you will not have to explain to them for a long time how you feel and how you need to help. They also have developed intuition, know how to listen, and are generous.
- They gravitate towards creativity. That’s why it’s always interesting with them. They may captivate you with some unusual idea. Among HSPs there are many artists, poets, writers, designers, and musicians.
- Extremely receptive to beauty and kindness, generous and noble. Among HSPs there are also many conservationists, animal activists, volunteers, and philanthropists.
Cons of HSP
- Some HSPs find it difficult to express themselves. All because of the same empathy. For example, a girl wants to learn to dance professionally, but does not sign up for dances because she is afraid of family condemnation, afraid of upsetting her mother, or turning her boyfriend against her.
- Many HSPs are extremely irritable, constantly walking around with “naked nerves,” perceiving the world as an inhumane place where they use noble people for their own purposes and laugh at them. If they see obvious injustice, they will flare up with anger and indignation.
- HSPs experience problems at work. They absorb other people's negative emotions like a sponge, and therefore can leave a meeting extremely upset or tired. Just like in the example with Alena.
- HSPs are sensitive to criticism and self-criticism. It is logical that they are extremely susceptible to other people's criticism, especially if they do not expect it. And therefore they worry very hard, they get angry, make troubles, cry, get offended, become depressed, and cannot calm down for a long time and, accordingly, correct even obvious mistakes.
On the other hand, such people are extremely harsh on themselves: they often judge themselves, underestimate themselves, and demand more from themselves than they can do.
How can highly sensitive people make their lives easier?
- Understand and accept. If you are a highly sensitive person, the first thing you need to do is understand that everything is fine with you. There are 1.4 billion people like you on earth. And if nature genetically creates people like you, then it needs it. Give yourself permission to be a highly sensitive person.
- Realize and name. Engage in emotional self-regulation, namely, allow yourself to feel, recognize and name your emotions. For example: “I’m angry now because the manager didn’t listen to the new employee. My emotion is normal." Or: “I’m crying right now over this book because the main character was treated poorly. This emotion is also normal. Although the story is most likely made up. But I’m a living person, I can get hurt.”
- Understand that others are not insensitive, but different. You must admit that it is impossible for a blind person who has never seen in his life to explain what the color blue is. Even if he nods and pretends to understand, he still won’t understand. Therefore, there is no point in being surprised or angry that people cannot understand your sensitivity. Because they have it differently - they have a different coordinate system for this. And it’s normal if your colleagues don’t understand why you are so annoyed by the smell of potatoes in the workplace, the rustling of sheets, loud music or the aroma of a colleague who came into your office while you were not there. People are afraid of strange people and illogical reactions. And to avoid problems, learn to speak the language of others. For example, say that food is better absorbed in specially designated areas, and invite a potato lover to a cafe.
- Avoid negativity. Sensitive people become infected by other people's emotions. If you interact a lot with negative people, it can lead to psychological exhaustion. If in your team it is common to criticize, offend, set each other up, and shift responsibility onto each other, it’s time to change the team to a more professional one.
- To take care. Your brain, as we have already discussed, processes information many times more than the brain of an ordinary person. And therefore, you need more time to restore your nervous system. Take care of yourself. Don't plan many important tasks for one day. Alternate communication with solitude. Build your schedule so that you have time to spend several times a day without harsh stimuli.
1. Don't take what's happening to heart. Life is a mixture of good and bad. If something bad happens to you - past, present or future - accept it as part of life.
This is not a consequence of evil intent directed against you, and not God’s punishment sent down on you - life is simply multi-colored and varied. If only good things happened to us, we would learn nothing and our lives would be boring. We all have troubles from time to time. And we all need to deal with it and learn from it.
2. Everything changes. Whatever your current situation, things will change. There is nothing you can do about it, you just have to accept that change is inevitable. When we are afraid of changes, we try to avoid them, our thinking is inhibited, and a feeling of anxiety prevents us from adequately responding to what is happening around us. If we accept that change is inevitable, we can respond to it as something exciting, and then our thinking process remains pure, clear and light.
3. Stop trying to be perfect. It is much more conducive to relaxation and beneficial to accept that we are all not without certain weaknesses and shortcomings. Stop perceiving yourself as a flawed being. If you get rid of everything you perceive as bad, you will lose your individuality. It is very good to improve yourself, but it is useless to try to become perfect.
4. Take the initiative. It's no one's fault that you are who you are. If in a critical situation you are passive and only blame everyone and everything, then this will not change anything. Take the initiative, take positive steps, and you will be able to change the situation for the better. Don't cling to the past - it cannot be changed; think about the future - you can influence it.
5. Stop demanding. Let circumstances guide you instead of trying to control them. Change what you can, and don't waste your energy on the rest.
6. Where are you rushing? See life as a journey. Enjoy it. Take a look around. Try to analyze what life has given you. Savor every episode. And from time to time, allow yourself to do nothing, just watch how events develop.
7. Pay attention to how your body works. Our body really needs care and support. Without good sleep, quality food and regular exercise, it begins to fail early. Listen to his work and correct “problems” without waiting for the entire system to fail. Taking care of your body is not selfish or a waste of time, but a vital necessity.
8. Don't bang your head against the wall. If a situation makes you feel very depressed and unable to change anything, perhaps you should avoid it or respond differently to it. Instead of seeing this situation as a source of frustration, see it as a challenge. You don't have a problem; you have experiences from which you learn. You have no disappointments, you have unique opportunities to improve your skills and abilities. We all experience disappointment at times—when we can't get what we want or make a situation the way we like it. However, good mental relaxation can help us cope with disappointment by developing the right attitude towards the situation - that is, accepting it calmly, as inevitable.
9. Learn to laugh more, laughter helps you recover faster, allows you to better cope with life's dramas and generally improves your health. Pay attention to how often you laugh - not just smile or grin, but laugh heartily, literally to the point of tears. Do this often, there is no need to be too serious.
10. Express your feelings. Learn to talk more about how you feel. Be honest with other people when it comes to your feelings. Don't try to protect others from them. This applies to both positive and negative emotions. If you feel irritated, talk about it. If you feel happy, don’t hide it. Be persistent when you don't want to do something or when you feel like a situation is hurting you.
11. Know what you want. Look ahead and plan what you want to do. Give your life direction. Think about yourself, what is good for you, and try to achieve it. However, do not wish for too much, be realistic and flexible, and make adjustments to your actions if necessary. Make both long-term and short-term plans.
12. Manage your relationships. If you don't invest some of your time and effort into your relationship, it will decline and fall apart. You need to work in this direction. Take care of your relationships - not only with your loved one, but also with friends, work colleagues, acquaintances, family members, relatives, neighbors. At the same time, do not demand too much attention from them. If the relationship reaches a dead end, break it off.
13. Use your time effectively. Leave time for leisure, family, love, entertainment, work, travel, study, to be alone. Make room in your schedule for all of these areas of life, and also leave some time to make plans for the future and check how effectively you are using your time.
14. Look for choice. There are always at least two ways to influence a situation. When you have a choice, there is a feeling of freedom. Consider your options in any situation. Nothing in life is set in stone - there is always an alternative. It may not be entirely pleasant or completely unacceptable, and we can discard it, but at least we will be aware that we have made use of the choice, and this gives confidence.
15. Don't be afraid of new things. You are changing all the time. You acquire new interests, new friends. If you are not satisfied with your current situation, move on. Always be ready to explore, new experiences, find yourself in new situations. Learn, try new things, improve your education, read more. Be flexible in your thinking. Don't get stuck in daily routines and habits. The more we experiment, strive for novelty, the more we grow intellectually.
16. Set intellectual and moral standards for yourself. This does not contradict the advice to have a flexible rather than rigid mindset. We need this kind of criteria. In the intellectual sphere there should be a desire to deepen knowledge and acquire new ones, then you will always remain interesting people. Set high moral standards for yourself so that there are reasons to value you as a person. In short, you should always focus on the best.
17. Develop yourself comprehensively. We all need to be able to express our emotions and to have plenty of them; We also need to take care of our health and develop our mental activity. In addition, there should be a spiritual component in our life, which does not mean belonging to any religious denomination - it could be, for example, simply enjoying the beauty of the world around us.
18. Know your limits. Don't take on too much. Be prepared to experience failure from time to time. Forgive yourself when things don't work out for you. Laugh at yourself more often. Stop making excuses.
19. Look at yourself critically. Look at yourself in the mirror, think about what stage of life you are at. How old are you? What does this mean? How relaxed are you? How much positive emotions do you receive? Are you overloaded with work? What kind of relationships do you have with others? Do you like yourself? Are you satisfied with your sex life? What are you afraid of?
20. Treat yourself well. Take time for yourself periodically. Reward yourself, you deserve it. Treat yourself, you earned it. Give yourself pleasure, you need it. Don't wait for others to praise you, praise yourself. Don't wait for others to love you, love yourself. Don't wait for others to take you somewhere to have fun, go and have fun yourself. Have more fun. The more relaxed we are, both mentally and physically, the better company we are with those around us, the better we can cope with life and the more we can help others. The better we feel about ourselves, the more likely we are to want to treat others well. When we are relaxed and welcoming, others will be more willing to be around us.
I have this problem: I take everything very close to my heart, I constantly worry about trifles, I think what other people will think of me. I look at those around me, everyone is calm, they don’t take anything to heart, they are calm like elephants. How to learn not to take everything to heart, not to worry about trifles?
Guest, do trainings help?
Set yourself a bright, clear, positive goal in life and fully concentrate on it. Then all the small side husks will fall off on their own.
It’s a great luxury to allow yourself to take everything to heart and be offended by people
You definitely shouldn’t read esoteric literature (don’t be poisoned by this poison), read psychological literature, but it’s of high quality. But the Orthodox one is best. Personally, I found the answers to my questions in it. I can recommend a good site, there are many interesting articles there: http://www.pravmir.ru/
This is a character trait, I am the same. It seems to me that nothing can be done about this; it’s difficult to control yourself all the time. Now I started taking sedatives, but they don’t really help.
It’s funny, but at the age of 16 I turned to a school psychologist with exactly the same wording of the question.) You need to be more confident in yourself, more independent. Gilda is right: find something good and constructive to do and direct your energy towards it.
Go to a psychologist or training. You will never change on your own. Advice from the forum won't help either.
To a psychologist? Don’t make people laugh =)) and also all these trainings are all bullshit. ripping off money.
Only a person can help himself, not psychologists.
that is, to myself by post 9
I've almost learned how to do this.
I just realized at one point that in fact we are indifferent to most of the people around us. I could stay up half the night because it seemed to me that I had answered someone wrong, or that they would think badly of me. And this person DOES NOT CARE. The only ones who value us and who should be treasured are our relatives. And not everyone does. The rest are not worth my suffering.
You just need to accept yourself. That I am THIS. And let me be perceived as I am.
I have the same problem, my heart hurts
hello everyone. I haven’t written to anyone, but my close friends know about this. I also take everything to heart. How many times did I try to get rid of it, but alas, it didn’t work, then I started to analyze how it all started and found the place where I gave it some slack feeling. I really wanted to go back, but alas, the train has left. I’m trying to fight this feeling, but the slightest fall or problem immediately fails.
I'm still learning to this day
To some extent, this problem bothers me too. I get bothered by trifles, obsess over the situation and overthink myself. I have long realized that other people have their own lives and they know how to let go and forget, but this does not make it any easier, alas.
After the breakup with my boyfriend, my psyche was greatly shaken, after which I perceive every quarrel with a new person as stress. I used to think, well, a quarrel - so what. And after the experience of breaking up with him, after that depression, I automatically expect that every new quarrel with a new guy will lead to the same thing.
I immediately have thoughts of breaking up so as not to suffer like this anymore. I’m already tired of myself.. Now I’m pregnant, now I’m almost in tears. People, tell me from the outside what I should do with myself..
Really, how can you control yourself so as not to send everything to hell and then worry more? I have the same situation. Only I probably experienced the most terrible thing and not only a breakup, but we still love each other. But when quarrels arise, it’s terrible. He doesn’t worry at all, but I’m torn to pieces.
I think there are both pros and cons here. Pros - you know how to enjoy little things. Cons - you also know how to get upset over trifles. Tip ╧ 1 - you don’t have to believe your thoughts
It seems to me that the body of pregnant women is specially configured this way. Otherwise, what will happen to the child if you freak out over trifles and the pressure constantly starts to jump. These tears help.
I constantly get upset because of some little thing, I take everything to heart and cry, I really want to get rid of it. My boyfriend and I constantly quarrel and I lose my temper. for example, if we don’t see each other, I get upset, I start to beat myself up that he doesn’t miss me, doesn’t want to see me, and I’m just afraid that he, like my ex, will move away from me. At first I keep it to myself, and then I express it to him and we quarrel.
Even he is already telling me, this is nonsense, and you are upset.
that other couples do not quarrel so often, once a month or just rarely. and we almost every day because of nonsense.
what should I do? how to change yourself? I really want to maintain this relationship, but I’m afraid that if I continue to react to everything like this, he won’t be able to stand it and will leave.
Hello, I also have the same problem. I think it’s impossible to get rid of it, but you can try not to pay attention to it, i.e. don’t get hung up on it, don’t let it pass through you, get distracted by some things.
I'm the same. From my own experience I will say: each person will be helped by his own “medicine”. Just don’t look for a “magic pill”: working on yourself is a long journey that requires persistence and faith in success. Psychologist - yes, I agree; just not the first one you meet, you have to look for it. A psychologist personally helped me take my first steps. Esotericism - no. There is a lot of esotericism, of different quality, and in general it is oriented towards something else. religion? Perhaps - if you are religious. Personally, I don’t)))
Try reading John Gray - “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”, “Men, Women and Relationships” and his other books (but these first of all) - the psychology of men and women is very well described, it helps to look at actions differently person. I even made myself a short reminder of a few phrases and I always carry it with me and repeat it to myself. It helps not to stress yourself out and not imagine all sorts of horrors if HE suddenly didn’t respond to a message on VKontakte))) Good luck!
And I'm probably just crazy. I'm worried about work. This is a completely separate topic. I work practically seven days a week. I'm a leader. Zero personal life. And the worst thing is when thoughts don’t go away. If there is some kind of conflict situation, then I get very worried and go through everything through myself. I can't stop thinking. I let everything pass through me. I understand in my head that this is impossible. It’s scary to think what this could lead to (((((We need to work on ourselves.
Bellochka, you need to rest, take a vacation. I can imagine what it’s like to be a manager, I had to temporarily replace the manager, during those 2 weeks I almost went crazy. And at my last job, it was generally a bad place. I quit, I couldn’t stand it. I started crying over trifles. There everyone was attacking each other, everyone was at odds, but no one cried, on the contrary, everyone was so fighting and I was among them, like a little hare. Girls, it is unrealistic to change your character. AND ALSO, I COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT IT IS UPON THOSE RESPONSIBLE LIKE US THAT RESIST THE WHOLE WORLD. It’s just that we don’t know how we will be in old age, so we can develop so many heart diseases. I don’t even know what to do. Medicines don't help. Some will smoke and calm down. and I don’t smoke. The only thing that more or less works is RELIGION!
Lela, I agree, faith helps. But there must also be constant work on oneself. I also had a situation where my nerves couldn’t stand it and I quit my job just for nothing. It seemed to me that everyone in the area was normal, but I was hysterical. But responsibility is a separate issue. Too much is worse than too little. You also need to learn to differentiate between work and home. Do yoga or something.
I have the same problem(
I always lash out at people close to me and I don’t know what to do anymore(
28. Marcus | 12/31/2011, 17:5
and be sure to get rid of those people who drive you into psychological traps -
That's very true! it could be your boyfriend, your parents, your good friend (everything seems normal on the outside, but you start to analyze it in detail - and you understand that this particular person, without even realizing it, may be making you less self-confident, forcing you to look at others, compare yourself.) on the topic - the same problem - hyper-honesty and hyper-responsibility, that you should always “behave” as you were taught in childhood - do good, etc. I think this is about proper upbringing, which now, in this stupid time of ours, no one needs money, or rather, it only hinders us. Therefore, now I’m teaching my daughter to defend her interests, to decide for herself whether to give another a shovel in the sandbox, and not teaching her the simple “you have to share.” sad, but true 🙁
about the need to get rid of human vampires - move on. I was convinced from personal experience!! It doesn’t matter where, it doesn’t matter, you feel that he is not your person - that’s it, remove him from you!! It will become easier immediately :)
yes, please tell me, maybe there is some psychological technique. It's very difficult to be soft. Today a complete stranger called me names for no reason, and I’ve been worried all day, almost crying, but she forgot about me in 2 seconds.
One king was famous for his wisdom. But, despite his wisdom, his life was not calm. And one day the king turned to Master Tasho with a request:
√ Help me √ there are a lot of things in this life that can make me angry. I am very susceptible to passions, and this really bothers me!
To which the Master replied:
√ I know how to help you. Put this ring on - the phrase is carved on it: “This will pass!” When you experience intense anger or intense joy, look at this inscription and it will sober you up. In this you will find salvation from passions!
As time passed, the king followed the Master's advice and found peace. But the moment came and one day, as usual, looking at the ring, he did not calm down, but on the contrary, he lost his temper even more.
He tore the ring off his finger and wanted to throw it further into the pond, but suddenly noticed that there was some kind of inscription on the inside of the ring. He took a closer look and read: “This too shall pass.” ╩
I would like to add, enjoy life, love each other and think positive thoughts.
Do you know? And I’ll tell you what to do when you feel bad! Just listen to music) But not just any music! But the one that is close to you. The one in which you experienced something good)
Good day to all! I have the same problem - I take everything too much to heart, then my peace is disturbed, my head starts to hurt, I can’t concentrate, everything around me loses its meaning, thoughts creep into my head and it’s very difficult to push them away so as not to think about the bad. . Help me how to deal with this.
Linda, I have exactly the same problem. No matter how many years I live, I suffer for so long. How to deal with it. Maybe you need to communicate with people suffering from the same thing? To help get rid of this quality.
In my opinion, this is a type of nervous system and there is nothing you can do about it, you can keep conflicting people away from you, and not do what is not given to you. you know, resistance to stress is not about us), at my work many people work longer than me and they don’t care anymore, but I, with a pulse of 100 and blood pressure, am treated with pills and injections. I don’t think I can learn to react to everything calmer, I’d better change jobs))
20. Katyusha | 02.11.2011, 12:28:38
How to approach life easier? not to take everything to heart?
Katya, look at how you say he doesn’t call, he doesn’t get bored, if he doesn’t need it then why are you worried about him? Why do you even need such a guy? Are you happy with him if there’s something about him that doesn’t suit you? And in general, go out with friends, take your mind off your problems, or completely immerse yourself in work.
Good afternoon, I have been stressed for a long time because of my work. The fact is that my boss does not want to promote me, although others who came after me have been promoted above my position. I have been working for the fifth year and there is no promotion, I am constantly worried about about this, I want to leave, but I had a wedding and my husband and I want a child, I need to go on maternity leave, but I really don’t want to stay at work, it’s a shame.
TELL ME WHAT TO DO
You need to find a new job, wait until you complete your probationary period, and get pregnant. That's what I'm going to do. Because if you feel bad there, then during pregnancy you will only ruin your nerves.
And I actually thought that I was the only one. But now I’m reading, I understand that it’s not!! It’s so much easier on my soul! I also constantly drive myself into a cloud! I understand everything, but I can’t do anything about it! I don’t wish it on anyone, but people are cruel, from unpleasant conversations, I think at night what I’m not doing So! Others are switched off, I don’t think so!! I’m already tired, I need to change something for the better.
I'm a boy, I'm 13 years old, I also have the same problem. I want to learn not to sweat the small stuff. When someone is offended, I feel sorry for him. Some people don't care; they don't give a damn. They believe that everything is fine and life goes on. All people learn from their mistakes. When I was riding a bicycle, a chicken got under my wheels and I hit him and my friend. I was 10 years old then. Then this chicken died. After that I worried and cried for a long time. The owners came and scolded me. After that I learned a big lesson that you shouldn’t ride a bike at high speed on the street in the village. No need to worry about the little things.
I need to read a book by a Norman or Swede psychologist, I don’t remember his last name, but he trained himself so much that one day his grandmother was hit by a car and her brains scattered along the road, and he was walking with a friend and telling him a joke - his friend was shocked when he stepped over the grandmother’s head without paying any attention and continued to laugh and tell a joke.
in our world there are people who are allowed to humiliate without even thinking, and there are those who, like a sponge, absorb everything.
So this psychologist, losing, for example, one feeling (guilt), develops another feeling, such as joy and love
I remember then I’ll post the name of the book here the book really helps - but there are also disadvantages - you can become very indifferent by elevating your Self - and you yourself know how this infuriates weak people and various manipulators - they try to unsettle you even more and then indifference becomes the only fighting them. Plus advice, if you wish, the negative is formed by two components: self-criticism and guilt, put a + sign between them and you get = stress + analysis of your actions + self-criticism = depression: in total, what we get is that in order to lose depression and stress, you need to remove the feeling of guilt for your actions. A person is a person to make mistakes and gain experience from them - only some are inclined to exaggerate their mistakes and blame themselves and others for them. Technique: if you said something wrong and a feeling of guilt began in your gut, then automatically instill in yourself the phrase I’m human and I make mistakes and it’s natural - I understand that this is difficult, but it needs to be done, otherwise, friend, your stress will destroy you and everyone will laugh at you and they will say what a "weak"
learn to be independent, indifferent, arrogant and cheerful, and be sure to get rid of those people who drive you into psychological traps - these are just people, and of course you value yourself more.
What is the name of this book.
I will answer you this way. It's all about self-esteem - don't let others influence it! Usually people who are special, gifted, unlike others, sincere, and have a broad soul take things to heart. And the surrounding gray mass is simply jealous, so it tries to touch a nerve, hook it, put pressure on sore calluses. From this advice: do not reveal yourself to everyone. Bare your soul only to those who are close to your level and can understand you, then they will not spit on it. Keep everyone at a certain distance, communicate, be polite, but keep your distance. Because you are better than many, and this superiority, either you kill yourself and ruin your calling, and then they will love you, or get used to the idea that you can only have a few friends! Accept it, set yourself a goal and achieve it.
Yes, I’m shocked by myself) it just seems like sometimes the roof goes crazy.
I've also been dating a guy for about a year now. and every time we quarrel, it seems to me that we will separate. it's horrible.
I have the same situation, I don’t sleep at night and keep thinking about problems. I don’t know what to do?
I have the same problem. Although this is just my peculiarity, it, of course, gives me a lot of discomfort. Yes, it is quite obvious that people who are sensitive to this degree are kind, sincere, and friendly. so friendly that they want to please absolutely everyone, of course, when this desire in some cases fails, it is simply a tragedy for them. But such people are extremely humane towards others, because they take the feelings and thoughts of others very seriously. Therefore, what I want to tell you is that kindness and sincerity are not a disadvantage, and so is the sensitivity that accompanies them. We just need to be able to understand that this is given to us for self-improvement. Learning to value yourself, yes, it’s difficult to control yourself, but remember how many times you were worried, and then you could laugh about it. In general, apart from the talent for spinning all sorts of terrible thoughts into one’s mind, this quality is a plus!
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