As an honest person, I have already dissuaded probably a dozen people from therapy. I hope they are happy now.
After all, the main problem with psychotherapy is that people want to be sold happiness.
But for happiness there is heroin.
The market for psychological services, however, follows the demand, everyone sells happiness and positivity, energizes and so on “everything will be fine.” The easiest way to do this is in the format of trainings or retreats.
But if there is a hole in you, then this happiness will pour out of you in a couple of weeks. And it’s time to go to the next training, yes. (And there is undoubtedly a hole in you if your own happiness does not linger within yourself).
Besides, people love simple ways.
But for simple ways there is heroin.
You can position therapy as “a difficult but working way to achieve happiness.” But this will not be true, and I am an honest person.
Therapy is a way to regain fullness of life.
The fullness of life includes misfortunes. But also happiness.
The fullness of life is generally a questionable thing, but it is also the best of those that I have had and still have.
Everyone knows that “misfortunes” set off “happiness” and that you can’t be happy forever - it gets boring. But this knowledge does not help.
However, “fullness of life” is not “I promise that you will feel happiness, but in exchange for unhappiness.”
An important nuance is that this is completeness.
Previously, you had a price list of only two items, like:
Work: -50 happiness,
Game of tanks: +5 happiness per hour
In order to break even, you had to play tank for 10 hours after work. There are no other ways out.
When I was depressed (and not yet in therapy), I had a friend who said something along the lines of “oh, go sit in a coffee shop, it gives +10 happiness.” If you go 100 times, you will be cured of depression.
I went to my price list, found there “sitting in a coffee shop - see “wasting money on crap,” I went to “spend money on crap” and found there “-10 happiness.”
Yes, I had depression and addiction, I’m a normal person.
During the therapy process, you open a complete and honest price list. And he's big. Well, naturally, complete. Hence the “fullness of life.”
And there is such a choice right away! My eyes widen.
(In advanced cases, you can even choose misfortunes from the price list, in the spirit of “okay, something is bothering me today, let me suffer on the topic of “nobody loves me” and do it ironically, but they will still count it”).
In the simple language of therapists, the client is given ways to experience not only neurotic pleasures, but also pleasures of a higher order, but must make the choice himself whether he wants it or not.
Unfortunately, pleasures of the highest order require conscious effort, and who wants that!
It’s better to leave everything as it is - and 10 hours in tanks.
Many spiritual mentors advise you to " come back to yourself", "find a way to yourself" ...
At first glance, these statements sound strange. Where am I if I'm not myself? It seems like I’m here, walking, talking...
What do you mean? To answer this question, let us turn to our wise language.
Broadcast cycle on the Keys of Mastery
Cosmic Laws
Get a video recording of a 21-hour broadcast with a detailed analysis of each of the Cosmic Laws
By clicking the “Get access” button, you consent to the processing of your personal data and agree to
What do they say about a person who behaves inappropriately, destructively for himself and others? " He's not himself».
In difficult and shocking situations, when a person is attacked by cold and despair, they say “ he flew out" By the way, in some cases people actually lose consciousness from the inability to accept what is happening as it is.
They say about very strange people, seemingly unadapted to life, “ not of this world».
If a person lives by speculative constructions, fantasies about how and what he could achieve, but nothing changes in life, this is called “ be ungrounded».
These are all facets of the same phenomenon. The spiritual essence of a person is not located in his body. In fact, his Soul does not fully live on Earth.
Simply put, in this case, the bulk of your energy and consciousness is located anywhere but in your body, that is, not in your life.
You do not feel the fullness of life.
In this case, living on Earth feels “too difficult, unsafe and constricted.”
In earthly life, the freedom of multidimensional movement, the feeling of boundless love and unity with all that exists, telepathy and the embodiment of everything necessary “out of nowhere” have been lost.
Instead, we get a small mortal body, the need to earn food by the sweat of our brow, difficulties in understanding ourselves and others, disappointment and separation...
How to live with this? How can we endure this life and move forward to liberation-death?
But is this really the solution? We offer another option.
Essence and purpose spiritual practices– do not increase your longing for the “higher worlds.” And teach you fill your body with spiritual essence and life.
In fact, completely come back to yourself and feel the fullness of life, that is, fill life with yourself.
What do you get when you are in yourself?
- good health
- strong slim body
- a lot of energy for implementation
- feeling safe in the world
- confidence in yourself and your actions
- willingness and ability to take responsibility for one’s life
- courage and joy to live
- material well-being
- , full of understanding and love and without manipulation
- the feeling that your True Home is always with you, wherever you are
- Unlocking spiritual gifts you can use to improve your life
Body filled with spiritual essence, raises its vibrations and begins to work in a new way.
It is not for nothing that the relics (remains of bodies) of saints are believed to have special power. This is true - some people have achieved such a deep integration of their spiritual essence that their bodies have changed quality and become miraculous.
High-level masters are capable of miracles in the physical world precisely because of integration, i.e., changing the vibrations of their body due to the “entry” of the Spirit into it.
Instead of spiritual resistance, they receive spiritual integration.
Let's look at what will help you integrate the higher part into the body And eliminate spiritual resistance life.
How to come back to yourself and feel the fullness of life
1. Do grounding practices
This is the basics. Grounding is your connection with the Earth, with the physical world, with your own body.
If you stand firmly on the ground(our wise language again) - you are financially stable, healthy, self-confident.
2. Exercise
7. Do something you enjoy
I’m not talking about “global Destination” now. But simply about any activity from which you get satisfaction.
A small recipe - it should combine knowledge of new things, give “feedback” (so that you understand how much you are progressing in this matter).
Psychology professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi called such activities “flow.”
The experience of flow is a state of complete merging with your work, absorption by it, when you do not feel time, yourself, when instead of fatigue there is a constant surge of energy...
... The flow does not descend on us as grace, but is generated by our meaningful efforts, it is in our hands.
(c) Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi “Flow”
If there are needlewomen here, write how your hobby helps you immerse yourself in the joy of life?
8. Live or regularly travel to high vibration places
- these are the points on the planet where the integration of spiritual energy into physical energy is most powerfully manifested. As a rule, this happened due to crystals, the collective intention of people and other higher entities.
Over time and with proper practice, you will learn to create a Place of Power wherever you are, on your own.
But first, gather resources in special and most suitable places for this.
And, if you feel that the house or city in which you live has low vibrations and is weighing you down, perhaps you need to help yourself and move.
9. Surround yourself with like-minded people
During the integration process, it is important to have support and attention from your environment.
People who destroy you, have a dull and cruel picture of the world, do not contribute to this.
Find like-minded people who support you and can listen “through thick and thin.”
You can find like-minded people in our community of spiritual practitioners “Keys of Mastery”!
10. Remove spiritual resistance
The origins of resistance are the illusion of your separation from God, longing for Home, the body’s unwillingness to accept your spiritual essence.
It’s not easy to get through, but it’s possible and necessary. The tips described above will help you.
If it is difficult for you to apply the above points in life, for example, you do not have the will to engage in physical exercise, perhaps you need to start by eliminating spiritual resistance at the quantum level.
You can realize this and free yourself from internal resistance to your new, wonderful changes.
“Why are you still with him (her)?” How many times have we asked a similar question to friends who are stuck in painful love relationships, how many times have we thought about what makes people cling to the relationship that weighs them down... Oh no, this is not love. But then what is love? A feeling that can make us happy forever? Of course not, psychoanalysis answers. Love, if it is real, does not at all give serenity. Even when the initial delight from the merging of souls subsides, it, contrary to popular belief, does not calm down - it excites and shocks us, mysteriously weaving two destinies into a single plot that defies logic. Let's look at several of its facets.
1. Feel the mystery in another
Love is a mystery both for those who are seized by it and for those who witness it. We see it, we feel it, but we don’t understand it. Why? Yes, because the ties that connect us with our loved one are inexplicable. To the one we truly love, we are attracted not only by his appearance (beauty, resemblance to someone) and not only by the images or values that he symbolizes for us (father, mother, power, money), but by the secret, which we feel in him. It cannot be described in words, but it seems to be addressed to everything that we ourselves secretly keep in our souls: longing for what we did not receive in childhood, some kind of unaccountable suffering... “Two people, even merging in a single feeling, still remain separate people - each with their own inner world, their own secret,” says analytical psychotherapist Galina Berezovskaya.
“Love touches that part of our personality that is unfamiliar to ourselves,” explains psychoanalyst Patrick Lamboulay. - In the soul of each of us lurks a particle of destructive emptiness that can destroy us. Love is nothing more than the meeting of two sufferings, two imperfections. In love, we share with another person what we ourselves painfully lack.” True love is not expressed by asking: “Give me what you have and what I lack,” but rather by confessing: “I like the path you have found to healing, the way you cope with your misfortune.”
And this has absolutely nothing to do with the legend of “two halves”, according to which love, connecting us into a perfect whole, thereby makes us happy! 1 “It is in this idea that the reason for the breakup of many married couples lies,” notes Patrick Lamboulet. - When a person notices that, despite a love relationship, he still feels some dissatisfaction with life, he may decide that he simply has not found “his soul mate” and must change his partner. But this, of course, is not so.” To truly love means to admit: “You interest me.”
2. Afraid of losing him
To love is to be afraid. And all the time. In his work The Discontents of Culture, Freud explains it this way: we become dependent on another because we constantly need him to support us in our existence. Hence the fear of loss.
“Love involves risk,” explains philosopher and psychoanalyst Monica Schneider. - This feeling is dizzying, sometimes we even feel tempted to reject it, push it away: a person, fearing the power of his love, can destroy it or diminish its significance by immersing himself in matters that will reinforce his self-sufficiency. All this is to protect ourselves from the frightening power of another person over us.”
After all, as Freud emphasized, Eros and Thanatos are inseparable: I love you - I destroy you. Eros is our desire to connect with each other in love; Thanatos is the death drive that pushes us to break this connection so that our “I” remains omnipotent. And since love takes us beyond ourselves, our “I” fights with it.
“It’s hard to give up on yourself,” explains psychoanalyst Jean-Jacques Moskowitz. - Love always brings torment. It affects our very being - what we are in this world. Only a few realize this. Once alone, they enjoy it because they feel protected from the death impulse associated with love. But if we manage to overcome the torment and discord of love, we enter a different, wonderful space, where the feeling is revealed with new strength.”
True love is not a business contract. Her fury is dangerous for both partners. We should not forget about this if we are visited by doubts, if it seems that we have “fallen out of love.” If someone else tries to pull away, it doesn't always mean they don't love you. Perhaps he is simply afraid of losing himself.
3. Willingness to go into the unknown
In love, nothing is predetermined. “None of us can guarantee the constancy of mutual feelings, nor predict the future life and development of relationships with a loved one,” says Galina Berezovskaya. We usually believe that passion first flares up and then predictably declines, but this is just a prejudice. Love in its development can also go upward.
“Having fallen in love, we enter a world in which will and reason have no power,” adds Monica Schneider. - And on this path we will have to go through completely different sections. Of course, having once soared to the heights of happiness, then, by contrast, we can feel that we are falling into the abyss. But if we are convinced in advance that love is always unreliable, this only means that our past prevents us from believing in ourselves and in another person. To truly love, you almost have to believe in a miracle. Freud speaks of expectation filled with faith. We must maintain a fire that can flare up again without requiring an immediate outbreak.” Accept the unknown, be patient...
4. Feel desire
There is no doubt: to love a person means to desire him. Moreover, Jean-Jacques Moskowitz confirms: “Physical intimacy really helps us love. Without an exchange of affection in love, something important remains unfulfilled. Lovers who deeply love each other receive special pleasure from sex. In the act of love, the difference between the sexes disappears: the two merge into one. Their members themselves are no longer given independent value - lovers in moments of passion have one body for two. Pleasure is all-conquering." Without love, we can find release in sex, pleasure to relieve tension, but to fully enjoy it, we need to truly love. “When we love, we reach other heights of pleasure,” confirms Galina Berezovskaya.
And if desire weakens, does this mean the end of love? Not at all, Galina Berezovskaya is sure: “There are happy moments when it is enough for us that our loved one exists, that he simply exists.”
However, there are women who separate love from sexual desire and beyond such moments of blissful contemplation. “It’s not that their feelings are weaker,” explains Jean-Jacques Moskowitz. - Against. They are afraid that, having indulged in love too selflessly, they may disappear in it. In all likelihood, they are constrained by some unresolved childhood problem, an ideal of love that is too closely associated with the image of the father. Experiencing a strong feeling, these adult women seem to become little girls again... and what is happening becomes similar to incest. For them, the image of the father comes to the fore, perhaps as a defense against the fear of dissolution in physical intimacy.”
Such women seek refuge in love and adoration and are wary of sexual relationships. They allow themselves to be tamed only gradually, going through the stage of a less intimate physical connection - hugs that allow you to surround your loved one with affection, as if carrying him inside you. And when desire returns, sexual attraction inevitably follows. The ebb and flow of love never stops in its eternal movement.
5. Feel the fullness of life
“To be loved is to feel that you have the right to exist,” said philosopher and writer Jean-Paul Sartre. True love is a unique feeling of justification for one’s existence in this world; it is the illusion that our love is the only one. Love returns us to the position of a child, confident in his omnipotence, convinced that if he were not in the world, the world would be missing something important.”
By choosing each other, we make each other chosen. In distinguishing between true love and charity-love aimed at the good of one's neighbor, Freud uses the biblical theme of the Chosen One, the Messiah. In love, we endow the other with special significance. We recognize his undeniable importance: we respect him, we value him, we believe that he is irreplaceable. We made a discovery, found a treasure. We are no longer alone in the world.
Another person brings us his own world, openness to other horizons, feelings that we did not experience with such vividness before meeting him. It is as if we are awakening to a new life. We feel a sense of security because he was able to see our value. “Love helps to find the meaning of existence,” sums up Galina Berezovskaya. “When we truly love, we feel more keenly that we are alive.”
1. Plato “Dialogues” (ABC-classics, 2007).
2. Z. Freud “Dissatisfaction with Culture.” In the collection “I” and “It” (Azbuka-classics, 2009).
Theoretically, we planned to publish these issues approximately once a week: but this week, in connection with the upcoming congress, we are publishing early.
So, we present the second issue of our new project: a mini-interview with a psychotherapist “Ask Dr. Naritsyn.” An explanatory post about what it is, also known as a post for receiving questions from readers, can be found.
Theme of the second issue - "The feeling of fullness of life and the draft syndrome."
Questions are asked by the user lady_carmine
.
N.N.:- Answers to such questions will always be quite subjective. Because such a concept as “fullness of life” is in itself subjective: only the owner of this life has the right to measure how full or incomplete life is.
We can say that the feeling of “fullness of life” is associated with the so-called level of demands: not only material, but also intellectual, social, and so on. And the lower this level of demands (and the more primitive the intellect), the easier it is to theoretically feel the “fullness of life.” At the end of a recent course of Skype conferences on social interactions, speaking about the meanings and goals of life, I gave the following analogy: every person, upon the fact of his birth, receives in his hands, say, a glass (in association with the well-known “glass is half full or half empty”). . This glass is initially empty, and it depends only on the person himself what and how intensively he will fill this glass.
So, returning to what was said earlier: the lower the level of requests and the more primitive the intellect, the easier it is to fill this glass. Because the volume of such a glass is small.
In fact, this is why so-called intoxicating drugs are popular: alcohol, drugs, psychotropic drugs. They temporarily reduce the level of intelligence and, among other consequences, seem to “lower the bar of demands”: albeit temporarily, but still. The person turns out to be happy, satisfied with life - until he sobers up.
Another trap in terms of the level of requests is the situation when someone sets this bar from the outside. And a person literally lives under the pressure of such an attitude: “You have no right to feel the fullness of life and consider yourself happy if you don’t have...” Then there is usually a list of several pages - a list of what the “setter of the bar” himself considers important and necessary for happiness. But it is logically clear that even if a person begins to implement this entire list in his life, he is unlikely to end up feeling happy: because this is not his list, not his needs and not his understanding of happiness.
- What gives you a feeling of fullness of life, happiness and success?
N.N.:- Let's start with the fact that any sensations a person has are generated by his psyche. And in order for him to feel the “fullness of life” - as mentioned above, he needs at least his own criteria for this very fullness, a certain internal balance of his own demands and expenses, his own understanding of what and why he is moving towards in this life.
Fullness of life is what you yourself want to fill your life with. Happiness is what you yourself call it. Success is primarily your own understanding, not. For many, a successful person is someone who, for example, has a house, a car, a business... what other common requests are there? But for you, perhaps, success depends on learning a new language, on traveling, on the ability to draw or fly a helicopter... but you never know the goals that are purely individual for each individual.
But here it is necessary to identify a potential problem that arises in a hierarchical society: many people (and most of my potential and actual clients) are lost in the face of the possibility of independent choice. Moreover -: only because in childhood and adolescence they constantly received negativity for their own choices. Their choice was always branded as wrong. And it can take quite a long time to realize that this happened not because they chose the “wrong thing,” but because the external “bar setters” categorically did not want their “subordinate” (child, student, etc.) ) learned to choose for myself. It had to depend only on third-party choices and be subject only to third-party criteria. And live as your elders tell you to.
But really, what should you do if you define your own goals, criteria, etc. you want it, and you have the readiness, but you don’t have the skills yet?
Ideally, of course, the child is taught to choose by his parents. In the same ideal, teachers teach a grown-up child to make choices. But for the most part, a person has to learn to choose his own path and formulate his requests on his own, with one or another number of “bumps” in the learning process. Or, as an option, he can use the help of a consulting psychotherapist in this area. But even as a result of the consultation, he will build his own happiness, and not the psychotherapist will do it for him.
If we speak in the language of Berne's theory about subpersonalities, for independent choice it is useful to develop the inner Adult: logic, predictive thinking, healthy skepticism. Have an adequate idea of your own strengths and capabilities: neither underestimated nor overestimated. And be ready to ask yourself the following questions: “If someone is actively imposing something on me, then for what purpose? If someone is evaluating me, why?” Because both imposition and assessment are work, and no one does it for nothing: there is always some benefit for the appraiser himself.
Kozma Prutkov said: “If you want to be happy, be happy!” However, everyone has their own obstacles to feeling the fullness of life, happiness and success. Sometimes they are not visible to the person himself: so-called repression occurs. And in this case, if you again use the assistance of a psychotherapist, the main question to him is not “Make me happy,” but “Help me understand for myself what prevents me from being happy.” A qualified consultant will help you understand exactly this moment, taking into account your own goals and fulfillment of life, and will not impose his understanding of this on you in any way.
- Where does the feeling “I live as I write a draft” come from, that real life will happen tomorrow, is about to begin?
N.N.:- It’s difficult to answer unequivocally. There is a whole list of problems that can lead to this:
- no matter what a person does in life, he always gets hit on the head for it
- he basically lives “not his own life”, solves other people’s problems and goes towards other people’s goals
- he constantly, for various reasons, feels chronic failures, bad luck, etc.
Even one problem from this list is enough for a person, excuse me, to either go crazy with negativity or go into “draft syndrome”: they say, soon all these misfortunes will end, and then I will begin to live.
The common journalistic phrase “start life/relationships from scratch” also has an impact on the internal censorship of many people. This is actually quite unhelpful, since it does not allow one to accumulate and take into account past experience, analyze what led to the collapse of the same relationship or the need to “start a new life.” People struggle with the mistakes they have made according to the principle “Forget everything and start over,” but they do not analyze the mistakes, which is natural and then leads to stepping on the same rake, sometimes in the same place. Because a person takes exactly the same road that already led him once to this rake.
And another possible reason for the “draft syndrome” is the well-known parental “you’re still small.” The child feels: while I’m small, I’m just learning to live, but when I grow up big, I’ll live! And since for some parents the child may be small all his life, for such a child his whole life may pass in draft mode.
- How to learn to firmly feel the ground under your feet?
N.N.:-Here, in absentia, we can say briefly: firstly, touch her with your feet more often and have your head in the clouds less. And secondly, to learn to “firmly feel” this soil (this is not quite the same as “feel solid soil”). Because the soil can be unsteady, loose, and otherwise unstable: but at the same time it is important to be able to understand what it is. And what devices are needed to move along this section: skis, rubber boots or a stick for jumping over bumps. It is important to learn to see the real world, predict the development of events and adequately evaluate both your failures and your successes.