Developing leadership qualities contributes to the development of a person’s strong inner core. The term “leadership” is found in various sciences that study man and society. For any group consisting of more than two people, this problem is relevant. Some of its members begin to behave more actively, people begin to listen to him, his opinion is put above others. In the process of forming a team, group members are conditionally divided into two camps: leaders and followers.
The study of this phenomenon has continued for many years. A huge number of scientific works are devoted to the concept of “leadership”.
Why is this so important? Defining the concept and criteria of leadership helps to improve the methodology of effective management, which is important in modern society.
The debate about whether leaders are made or born continues to this day. Some psychologists adhere to the first version, others are inclined to the theory of the presence of inclinations by nature. But both of them agree that with due persistence and desire, any person can do it, which will lead him to success in his career and personal life.
- Such a person is distinguished from the crowd by his special charisma.
- Energy and determination are always characteristic of a leader.
- These people are not afraid to take responsibility and initiative.
- Control over your own emotions allows you to remain calm and cool in any situation, and look for the optimal way out of the current circumstances.
- The ability to “ignite” those around you, captivate them with ideas, and make them your comrades-in-arms.
Leader and manager: differences and similarities
The success of any business depends on who manages it. The first person of any company is its leader, who is responsible for the results and is responsible for everything that happens. At the same time, the director or boss is not always a leader.
The USSR had very good leaders. But not all of them were able to rebuild and become leaders in modern conditions. Effective management depends on a person being able to combine both roles. What are the differences between a manager and a leader?
Supervisor
The leader does not strive to achieve any goals. For him, tasks are usually set by someone higher up, so there is no personal interest. As a result, the manager has a passive position in relation to the result of work and low efficiency of employees.
The manager controls employees, and punishments for misconduct are much more common than rewards for success. Shortcomings in work are brought up for discussion, in contrast to achievements, which are practically not noted.
A leader demands respect for himself.
Leader
The leader clearly sees the ultimate goal and plans the stages to achieve it. He strives to captivate his subordinates, to interest them in the result, in the activity.
The leader motivates and inspires the group. Errors are worked on together, and the team looks for ways to solve them. Rewards take precedence over punishments.
The leader treats employees as colleagues and welcomes initiative from subordinates.
Combination
In order to effectively manage a company and build a career, it is not enough to be a good leader. Modern reality is such that a boss must have the makings of a leader; this is the only way to talk about achieving any results and developing the organization.
List of personal qualities of a leader
There are several main qualities that a leader needs:
- Responsibility.
- Adequate self-esteem.
- Emotional intellect.
- High concentration.
- Empathy.
- Perseverance and patience.
- Charm and charisma.
- Self-development planning.
Developing leadership qualities requires constant work on yourself. Planning at this stage is of great importance. To do this, you should follow several important recommendations:
- Not everyone can set the right goal. The end result seems weak and very blurry to many. This is one of the main obstacles to success. The clearer the goal is, the greater the chances of achieving it.
- Don't miss the opportunity! The ability to recognize and use them is the hallmark of any leader. Passively waiting for the right opportunity is not for those who truly strive for success.
- Don't be afraid to take risks! We should not forget about such a concept in psychology as the “comfort zone”. In it a person feels familiar and comfortable, he feels good in everything. But often it is the “comfort zone” that is an obstacle to development, since you can easily get “stuck” in it. There is no need to be afraid of new situations, unexpected turns and events. Without them, personal growth and development of leadership qualities is impossible.
- You must always be open to learning. Don’t think that once you receive a higher education diploma, you won’t have to open your textbooks anymore. You should never neglect the theoretical part of any question. The fact that knowledge lies in power was said long ago by one of the classics.
- Observe others and learn from their positive experiences. From childhood, before a person’s eyes there are people more successful and successful than him in business. You should not envy them, since adopting their experience and professional qualities will bring much more benefit.
The topic of leadership occupies perhaps the first place in the discipline of self-development. Many people ask the questions “How to take a leading position in a team?”, “How to become a leader in the eyes of relatives?” etc. It even goes as far as “How can I learn to be a leader in my bowling team?”
It’s funny, but the person who enters such queries in a search engine, it turns out, believes that leadership is like women’s cosmetics (today I’ll put on good makeup, and tomorrow I’ll keep my makeup to a minimum). I wonder why such irony?
The fact is that a leader is a leader in all areas of life. He cannot be both a doormat at home and a tyrant at work (or vice versa). Such a person has respect in any small/large group in which he may find himself. Therefore, only one question is relevant - “ How to become a leader in life?».
In order to achieve respect in all areas of life, you don’t need to walk around with frowning eyebrows and attack everyone who looked differently, as some people think. To be a leader, you need to develop the appropriate qualities that will not repel, but will attract people to you.
1. Self improvement
There must be no end to it. Make yourself a commitment to always, everywhere and in everything to improve yourself. Read educational literature, try to communicate more with interesting, successful people.
Watch educational videos. Although a leader is not required to have a high level of intelligence, constant replenishment of his knowledge will only strengthen his position in society, and will not allow him to give it up.
2. Be interested in people
There is such a science - typology. She studies personality types. This allows you to determine a person’s character in order to find the proper approach to him. Study it!
The main support of a leader's position is the opinion of others about him. You must win the favor of almost everyone around you. A person who claims that all people are the same will never become a leader.
You must study the people around you. Know their interests, characteristics, strengths and weaknesses.
3. Everyone is equal
This is exactly the position you should demonstrate with all your appearance, and it doesn’t matter that this is far from the case. Never look down on people, even though your stage of development is much higher.
Remember that recognition depends not only on a polite tone. You must win him with your actions. There is no need to be a helpful good-natured person, because in this case, you can forget about the position of a leader. Be yourself, but always come to the rescue in difficult times. Unexpected and effective.
Take an interest in the lives of those around you (colleagues, co-workers, relatives, etc.). Attention to one's person is very flattering. Realizing this will allow you to better win over the person.
4. Sociability
The main feature of a leader is the ability to find a common language with almost any interlocutor. To do this, you need to improve your communication skills. In other words, learn to communicate.
In addition to the ability to conduct a dialogue, learn to present information in such a way that you are listened to and not heard. Master the art of public speaking. Start practicing this skill first on one person, then on two, then increase the number of listeners. Practice on your family members. Ask them to point out your mistakes if any.
5. Don't be afraid to make mistakes
A true leader must eat more than a pound of salt on his path of self-improvement in order to hone his skills. Many people give up on this idea as soon as they experience a fiasco in some business.
How to become a leader in life and never make a mistake? The answer is no way! Remember that before you lead people towards a common goal, you must experiment a lot. This applies to your ideas, approach to others and methods of solving problems.
Don't be afraid of failure after your efforts. Take this as an indication of what you need to change about yourself. Describe your failed business into four points:
- What was done?
- What wasn't done?
- What should have been added?
- What shouldn't you have done?
After such an analysis, you can safely expect a repeat situation so that you will be well prepared for it.
See also Purposeful and persistent people are guided by a highly set goal, upon achieving which people receive physical and/or moral satisfaction.
6. Originality in thinking
A leader must offer solutions to problems that others would never have thought of. In the face of any difficult situation, a group of people will put forward various options. But only one must offer something that will arouse general sympathy and support.
Develop creative thinking. Read more educational literature. Especially focus on the biographies of great people. You can take a lot of useful things from there. This is one of the main rules on how to become a leader.
Another good technique for generating original ideas is to communicate with others. The fact is that many people have an actual solution to the problem, but not everyone has the courage to offer their own option. Communicate more, listen, complement and suggest. The main thing is to do everything so that it does not look like theft.
7. Motivate those around you
None of the members of the small group in which you want to take a leadership position should guess your plans. You don’t need to do everything for your own good, otherwise those around you will simply turn away from you. Show people that all your efforts are aimed at their benefit.
One of the effective techniques on how to become a leader is to motivate your neighbor. Take an interest in the lives of your colleagues, co-workers and loved ones. Encourage them and instill confidence. Give them the right solutions to problems. Be involved in their lives. And do it for free!
8. Be an organizer
Making a decision is one thing, but implementing it is quite another. When it comes to executing the plan, the team resembles a real clumsy herd. Nobody knows what to tackle first. There are no clear instructions for implementation. There is no sequence of actions.
This is the finest hour for a person who wants to become a leader. Show off your organizational skills!
Share this article with a friend:In order to be successful and achieve what you want, you must be able to take responsibility not only for your own life, but also the life of the team, the group of people in which you are currently located and trying to realize yourself. And you can’t do without this, so today I’ll tell you about how to cultivate leadership qualities in yourself so that your every goal is achieved.
A little information
What does it mean to be a leader, and what qualities distinguish a person who is able to take responsibility from someone who cannot handle it? First, let's determine exactly where a person can show his character in order to understand where to start and in which direction to move:
- To myself. This is when a person is responsible for his actions, he is disciplined, knows how to manage his time effectively, understands himself and is able to make choices without fear of responsibility and freedom. They say that leaders are not born, they become leaders throughout life, so this is the first step with which you need to start, otherwise, if you are not able to be responsible for yourself, how can you lead other people and motivate them?
- In a situation. Are you familiar with cases when, for example, someone became ill on a train and people cannot find a doctor? Then some person is called in who has no medical education, but is trying to do something to help. After all, often at such moments thoughts arise that “this doesn’t concern me,” that “what if I do something wrong, and then it will be even worse,” etc. So, the next step is to learn to act, and not stop yourself, and to show your abilities in difficult situations. You may not know how to do artificial respiration, but you have excellent organizational skills and you will be able to stop the panic of others who will help you find a specialist.
- A team. This step is more difficult, but also real. You need to be able to win the trust and respect of your employees. To do this, there is no need to run and shout to everyone so that only you listen, since you know what to do. No, you just need to become efficient. Again, take responsibility for the workflow and consequences.
- In a team. This is already primacy at the macro level, when a person is able not only to inspire trust, but also, thanks to his ambition, to lead.
Top ways to develop leadership qualities
Qualities inherent in a leader and which should be emphasized in the development process.
1.Ability to set goals
Yes, it is the one who knows what he wants and how to achieve it who is able to lead a team. Have you ever met a leader of a pack who does not know what goal he is pursuing? When you don’t know where you’re going, you don’t end up where you would like. And satisfaction arises when you get what you want, and not just like that. So take into account the correct goal setting.
2.Dedication
Do you think all people who know how to set goals become leaders? No, it is also important to be purposeful in order to overcome the obstacles and difficulties that arise on the way to what you want without going astray. Absolutely everyone faces problems, it is only important to be able to rise after a blow of fate and move on, then you will be able to conquer the world.
3.Efficiency
You need to be not only reliable, but also efficient, so you must have the flexibility to adapt to new conditions. So learn to listen to other people and change your mind and plans if this will ensure the survival of not only you, but also the entire system.
4.Sociability
Agree, it is unlikely that people will listen to you if you cannot string two words together or are afraid to speak to them. Develop sociability, it will help you achieve success and create close relationships, both family and friends. Look at the recommendations in the article on.5. Confidence
Confidence can be seen not only in a firm voice and calm gaze, but also in gait and gestures; it is read on a subconscious level. And if you lack it, check out the book by the famous psychologist Dale Carnegie, How to Build Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public.
6.Activity
Yes, a lazy leader will not last long in his post, he simply must be half a step ahead of competitors, consumers, and so on.
7. Self-control
You must have restraint and control. Otherwise, if you periodically lash out at your colleagues, scream, cry, you will not be perceived as a reasonable person who is able to take care of the interests and future of others. If you understand that stress makes itself felt and pulls the rug out from under your feet, subscribe to updates. You can learn how to put your nervous system in order.
8.Authority
Why do you think people become leaders? But because such people have high ambitions, they are able to offer something new, they plan to change the world, and, of course, they want recognition and power.
9. Ability to refuse
You should not be afraid of losing someone's favor if you refuse a favor. Sacrificing your time and energy, “being fooled” by manipulation will not get you very far, so stop limiting yourself and act as you see fit, and not because you are being pressured.
10. Justice
You will lead the team if they are confident in your fairness, that you will not begin to cover up and push relatives or “favorites” forward, that your decisions will be balanced and honest.
11.Ability to inspire
Leaders also become those people who can inspire accomplishments and actions. If you manage to motivate those around you to act, moreover, jointly and harmoniously, there will be no price for you. And for this, humanity and compassion, attentiveness and good intuition are important. Do you know why? To understand how to reward your employees and how to improve their working conditions. Feeling cared for and with perspective, they will give it their all.
12.Be confident
It is important to overcome your fears, or at least not to give in to them, hiding from your experiences. How will others perceive you if you nervously huddle in a corner before every speech? You should project confidence and energy, not fear and anxiety. Read about the fight against fears.
- Be sure to read the book "How to become leaders", which Warren Bennis wrote with Robert Thomas. They studied leaders from different generations, for example, those who grew up witnessing war firsthand and those who fought opponents in computer games. So, together they found out what exactly influences the formation of leadership qualities. A very interesting publication that will be useful for both managers, executives, and all those who just want to get a championship.
- To cope with enormous responsibility and stress, you must be in excellent health. So take care of yourself, get rid of bad habits, sleep the number of hours necessary for your body, drink purified water, review your diet and exercise. You are a role model, so teach others to lead a healthy lifestyle.
- Another interesting book worthy of attention is “The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership,” written by John Maxwell. Using simple examples, life stories of other people, with successful and not so successful outcomes, he talks in detail about each law, which will help you understand the very philosophy of primacy and take the first steps towards it.
- Write a list of reasons why you have not yet won the championship. Think about what was stopping you? And is it possible to transform them into an advantage, your personal feature? Be honest with yourself; at the very least, you can burn this leaf.
- And make another list of 15 sentences, starting with “I am responsible for...”. Write everything that comes to mind. This exercise will show you how you sometimes underestimate yourself, considering yourself unable to be responsible for various processes.
Conclusion
And that’s all for today, dear readers! I hope the above methods will help you gain primacy, recognition and success. Once you were born, you already won the competition against millions, so you have the experience of winning, remember this.
The material was prepared by Alina Zhuravina.
Leaders are able to see the future, to look into the future. They have a clear and often unconventional idea of where they are going and what they are trying to achieve. This quality distinguishes them from ordinary managers. Having a certain vision of the future is what is characteristic of these extraordinary people. Foresight turns the deal manager into a change leader. An ordinary manager only achieves the task, but a true leader inspires his followers.
2. Bravery
Courage is the willingness to take action without any guarantees. Courage is the most striking quality of an excellent leader. It is known that the future always belongs to those who take risks rather than strive for safety. It belongs to leaders who are willing to leave their comfort zone and take risks to ensure their company survives and thrives in any economic situation.
WHAT TO DO. Take constant and persistent action to move towards your goals. This way you will put yourself in an advantageous position. The more action-oriented you are, the more confident you will feel and the more likely you are to do the right thing at the right time and win.
3. Honesty
Honesty is the most respected and valued quality of great people and leaders of all kinds. Being truthful means always keeping your promises. They must be given cautiously, even reluctantly.
WHAT TO DO. If you give your word, you must keep it.
4. Modesty
The best leaders are strong and decisive, but also humble. Modesty does not mean weakness or suspiciousness, it means that a person is sufficiently confident in his abilities, knows himself and knows how to recognize the value of other people, and not see them as a threat to his position. Humility allows you to admit that you are wrong and that you are unable to answer all your questions. In addition, modesty helps to recognize the merits of others.
WHAT TO DO. What sets humble leaders apart is that they always strive to improve and never stop learning. Start studying specialized literature. Grow yourself and always listen to the leaders in your industry.
5. Foresight
Good leaders have excellent strategic thinking. They are able to look ahead and foresee with some accuracy the direction in which industries and markets will develop. Leaders have the ability to anticipate trends much earlier than their competitors. They constantly analyze events to understand where the market is heading, what will most likely happen in the market in three months, six months, a year and two years.
WHAT TO DO. Use scenario planning to identify the worst possible things that could happen to your company. And then draw up a clear action plan in case of unfavorable developments. This way you will prepare the company for any changes.
6. Focus
Leaders always focus on the needs of the company and the moment. They focus on results, that is, what they, their employees, and the company as a whole should achieve. Leaders build on their own and other people's strengths. They focus on their company's strengths and its greatest success in satisfying demanding customers in a highly competitive market.
WHAT TO DO. To maintain a calm and clear mind, you must refuse to spend even a second worrying or getting angry about something you cannot change. Rather, focus your precious mental and emotional energy on the options available to you and your subordinates to constructively correct the situation now and solve the problem today.
7. Interaction
An absolutely essential condition for success is the ability to get all employees to work harmoniously to achieve the same goals. The ability to select and collaborate with effective employees will have a positive impact on the development of your organization.
WHAT TO DO. Make it a point to maintain good relationships with all key employees every day.
You will find other useful tips and exercises for developing leadership skills in the book by Brian Tracy
Many people who strive to take leadership positions prefer to act on a whim, instinctively. They fail to change themselves and develop over time. At the same time, psychologists have long identified the main obstacles standing in the way of leadership growth. First of all, these are internal barriers. They are the result of our past experiences, beliefs, limitations and habits. Uncertainty, fear, and irritation become insurmountable obstacles for many on the path to their goals. The most common barriers are:
1. Vagueness and vagueness of the goals set . People often fail because they have little idea of the goals they are striving for. Set clear goals for yourself. Try to mentally visualize the end result you want to achieve and write it down in as much detail as possible.
2. Impatience and expectation of instant changes. Be Content with Modest Progress: It is often said that a great oak grows from a small acorn. An impulsive person who hopes to change himself in the blink of an eye rarely achieves this. Success fuels success. Solid but modest progress is often consolidated and becomes a feature of a given person’s attitude towards self-improvement and life in general. Remember that any changes require constant attention and realistic deadlines. Set realistic deadlines.
3. Fear of new situations : Often people tend to choose security and convenience over risk and novelty. New situations often seem more dangerous than familiar ones.
4. Fear of vulnerability: People often seek to avoid situations that may cause them pain, inconvenience or frightening, or threaten to shake their self-esteem or sense of psychological comfort.
5. Behavior and expectations of others:
Often, family, colleagues and friends limit the individual's efforts to change. After all, increasing personal effectiveness always leads to success and achievement. Priorities change, and your growth in leadership competence can lead to the envy or hostility of others.
6. Lack of self-confidence: Development is often held back by a lack of confidence in one's ability to change. Remember that you are mainly in control of your development. Ultimately, everyone is responsible for their own development. At all times in life, people have a choice - to learn and grow from life's experiences, or to ignore the lessons learned, focus on safety and let themselves be defeated. The pursuit of leadership requires that you learn to take responsibility for the course of your own life.
7. Insufficient skills and abilities: Sometimes people lack the new ideas or skills needed to change themselves. They try to get them by reading biographies or memoirs of famous people. They feel that learning the secrets of great leaders is the surest way to become a leader themselves. This is wrong. Remember that other people who managed to achieve great success had their own life circumstances, their own historical conditions, their own character traits that you do not have.
Often, a person tries to obtain the missing skills and leadership skills by reading cheap pseudo-psychological guides with names like “How to become smart,” “How to become a millionaire,” “Methods of one hundred percent victory,” “How to defeat all competitors and rise above them,” and so on. Unfortunately, the modern psychological market is filled with such waste paper, as well as a variety of “helpful tips” in popular media publications. In them, all “miraculous” recipes usually come down to either outright verbiage or preaching banal formulas in the style of “If you want to be a leader (rich, loved, etc.) - be one.” Their practical value is zero, since in psychology there is no useful advice “in general” that is always suitable for everyone. This is impossible in principle, because all people are very different. What's good for a German...
Leadership is, first of all, awareness of one’s uniqueness, and not a search for “miracle recipes” that allow one to rise above others. The essence of becoming a leader is not to “learn all the secrets,” but to become yourself and fully use the unique qualities that are given to you - all your skills, gifts, energy. Otherwise, all your attempts will be just an empty imitation, “puffing out your cheeks,” a pathetic attempt to seem like someone you are not. And all you have to do is enroll in some “school of effective leadership”, or regularly attend “super trainings”, where businessmen from psychology will teach you for a long time and boringly about “gaining competitive advantages”. Of course - for a lot of money.
Each of the above barriers can be considered a force hindering leadership growth. One could name many more such barriers, and each person has their own.
While acknowledging personal limitations is a force for change in itself, other experiences and learning are often required to deepen self-understanding and acquire new skills and approaches to personal development. Significant personality changes require self-confidence, skill, support and, above all, the development of the ability to do things differently. The task of a future leader is to find and analyze his approaches and abilities, identify his potential, and learn to act differently. This is “something” inside you that you need to be able to find contact with. Then you need to believe in success, even if at the moment there are no prerequisites for this. Then comes the turn of courage and willpower, so necessary in order to realize your goals. And most importantly, you should not be afraid to fail.
On this path, everyone has to learn from their own experience; There is little that can be convinced by descriptions until a person feels and knows it for himself. Therefore, we offer you twelve practical exercises related to the initial stage of developing leadership potential. They were compiled by psychologists Jose Stevens and Mike Woodcock. Such exercises may cause you some doubts, but once you master them, you will feel your increased strength and value in the eyes of others. So,
Exercise One: Open a Dialogue with Your Inner Critic
Learn to object to your inner voice, which often makes critical remarks about you or others. Open up a dialogue with him instead of just listening to everything he says. Allow yourself to feel irritated by this belittling voice. Approach his words from a philosophical point of view. Ask yourself: “Who am I when this voice is silent?”
A great way to achieve success in this matter is to keep a diary with notes about the successful work you have done or just a notepad. Take the time to write down everything that this voice criticizing you wants to say. Don't hide anything from yourself. Let him say nothing sensible and just throw mud at everything and everyone - write everything. There is no need to stop him, but make it a condition for him to speak only in the second person. And write in your notebook exactly the same way: instead of “I’m a freak” or “I’ll never become a leader,” write “you’re a freak” and “you’ll never become a leader.” After that, answer him as you would talk to a cocky bully who is afraid of you. A great response to that bully voice: “So what?”
Exercise Two: Celebrate Your Successes Every Day
Before you go to bed at night, make a list of at least three, or better yet seven, things that worked especially well for you today, no matter how bad the day was.
You will automatically have a tendency to note events that had a negative outcome that day. This is your old habit. Show your will, take your attention away from this habit and practice concentrating it on things from which you emerged victorious. As in practical task 4 from the previous module, you should work not with the negative, but with the positive. At first, this will require serious effort from you and may even seem impossible. Don't back down. After a period of self-discipline, everything will go much easier. Be persistent. Eventually, you will succeed at it.
Exercise three: record and listen to confessions of your strengths and weaknesses
This process requires great courage. However, it is mandatory. Make an effort and first make a list of a few friends or relatives who you know really love you and sincerely want to help you. Then give them a blank tape or ask them to write down on paper reasons why they care and like you, why they love you, and vice versa. Ask them to ensure that the number of your strengths and weaknesses they name is approximately equal (this is a prerequisite). Collect on this tape the thoughts of everyone on your list. After the tape has been recorded in its entirety, listen to it in its entirety - if you are brave enough to do so. When you find the strength to listen to the tape from beginning to end without cowering from fear or shame, you will have taken a big step forward in getting rid of internal pressures. Of course, your inner voice will constantly whisper to you that all this is nonsense and not worth your efforts. He will try to make you lose the tape, break the tape recorder, or engage in other acts of sabotage. Don't let him stop you. Instead of a tape recorder, you can use a notebook - this will give the same results in your endeavor, but it will save you from having to listen to the living voices of people who know you.
One of the participants in the leadership psychology training was asked to try an experiment with a tape recorder. After a week of internal struggle, he managed to compile a list, and he was ready to turn to the first person on the list - his cousin. It took him another week to gather his courage, but he was able to find the strength to approach the girl only after the course leader recommended that he justify his request by completing his homework at a certain “management school” where he was supposedly studying. When the tape was filled with confessions from several people on the list, we all listened to it on the tape recorder. After this, the presenter asked the cadet to repeat what he had heard. He was able to convey only the general meaning of the message, and they had to listen to it again, which was accompanied by a stream of various emotions. Finally, he was able to listen to the entire tape without experiencing any intense sensations. This meant a big breakthrough. He began to feel confident from the awareness of his value and significance for others, he felt a reluctance to identify himself with leadership failure and a desire to get rid of it. Fear of one's own inferiority became a true ally.
Exercise Four: Develop a Relationship with Your Reflection in the Mirror
Have the patience to look at yourself in the mirror while undressed. Gradually learn to look at yourself in the mirror without clothes. Look yourself in the eye. At first, this will seem like real stupidity to you. Gain strength and patience. Ask yourself: “What right do I have to judge this person, his body?” The man in the mirror is like a tender plant. He needs water, sunlight, care, and not a strict diet of garbage. Perhaps some of the characteristics of the person in the mirror that you particularly hate are actually characteristics that remind you of your parents or older siblings. You may feel angry at them for demanding so much from you and giving so little in return. Allow yourself this irritation, but do not direct it at yourself. Anger will be followed by sadness, followed by a feeling of relief and forgiveness. But let them come at their own pace, slowly, do not try to rush them.
Sometimes it takes people a long time to take the first careful look at themselves in the mirror and not feel the urge to turn away or run away. In this case, we advise you to take courage and try to relax. Try this experience for yourself, starting with short dialogues with your reflection and gradually increasing their duration.
Exercise Five: Take Risks Everyday
This means that you should take on everything in life that has hitherto remained unknown: learn to dance if you couldn’t do it before, start looking for a new, interesting job, try your hand at skiing, skating - everything whatever comes to your mind. Public speaking is especially invaluable because it forces you to experience emotions to a much greater degree than usual. They must be practiced. After all, one of the main qualities of a leader, regardless of whether he is the leader of a state, a corporation, an orchestra or a sports team, is his ability to clearly and intelligibly express his thoughts to a large number of people.
By gaining experience in things that were still unknown to you, you thereby expand your arsenal for future victories. But for now, avoid competitions and activities that force you to compare yourself to others.
Such an experience is associated with significant risk in the sense that the very first failure can easily defeat you and turn all the results achieved into a complete failure. One of the course participants put himself at risk by asking a very attractive woman for a date. He received a refusal and was ready to perceive it as further proof of his inferiority. After our careful study of the incident, he realized that the manner in which he sought the woman’s consent to the meeting had in itself prepared him for a negative answer. It was difficult to admit this, but necessary.
Exercise Six: Be Active and Take Charge of Decision Making
Since the desire for leadership excludes passivity, your ability to make decisions in any kind of activity should constantly increase. Therefore, you need to seize every opportunity to take responsibility and make a decision. If you want to be hired on the basis of a competitive selection or have been applying for a management position for a long time, immediately call or contact the management of the company, take application forms from them and enter your personal data, offer them your services. Don't put things off for too long. It’s simply amazing how many people, having all the data for career growth, hold out until the end or even find themselves unable to offer their services to an organization or team. They don't have the strength to take the decisive step.
The telephone is often the main obstacle to career advancement. It happens that the automatic answering machine on the other end of the line is awe-inspiring, but the voice of a living person on the phone turns out to be even more frightening. You begin a business conversation with a lengthy, wordy apology and then mutter something incomprehensible into the phone that eludes the understanding of your interlocutor, who is losing patience.
You develop a tendency to avoid talking on the phone - a decision that calls into question the success of any endeavor in the modern pace of life. The only antidote is to face the fears that frighten you face to face by turning to the phone as often as possible. You won't have to make many calls to overcome your fear of this device. In addition, you can prepare yourself in advance for the most unfavorable scenario for the conversation. As a rule, your imagination paints much more terrible pictures than what awaits you in reality. Once you get rid of your nightmare fantasies, you will see that life is beautiful and amazing. A similar approach can be used not only to develop the ability to conduct a telephone conversation, but also to any other situations that frighten you.
Exercise Seven: Master the practice of admitting your own mistakes and taking responsibility for the decisions you make
One way to develop a sense of leadership responsibility is to take a pen and notepad and make a list similar to the statements below. Begin each phrase with the words: “I am responsible for...” Continue the phrase with any words that come to your mind, no matter how absurd they may seem to you. Make a list of at least 10 similar statements.
1. I am responsible for _____________________________________
2. I am responsible for _____________________________________
3. I am responsible for _____________________________________
4. ______________________________________
5. ______________________________________
6. ______________________________________
7. ______________________________________
8. ______________________________________
9. ______________________________________
10. ______________________________________
This is a good exercise and will have the necessary impact. There is no need to force yourself to unconditionally believe every statement, but the degree of resistance you will experience while mastering this exercise will show how tightly the internal clamps hold you in their embrace.
Taking responsibility in no way means that you should judge someone or immediately rush to solve someone's problems. A sense of responsibility presupposes that you have the ability to answer for your own actions.
The second point of this exercise is aimed at eradicating the desire to always be good for others or right. This is not easy, because you can feel worthless if you admit you made a mistake. Try to approach this exercise with humor.
Throughout the day, confess to at least a piece of paper your unseemly thoughts or actions, no matter how unworthy they may seem to you. Where do you feel at odds with your own consciousness or with the point of view of people you know? Don't be afraid to appear worse than you really are. Negative aspects are inherent in the behavior of every person. Having mastered the exercise, you will gradually learn to experience the joy of inner openness.
Exercise eight: learn to refuse and know how to insist on your own
The first part of this exercise is to learn how to say “no” when necessary. The best way to learn this is by working with friends or relatives. Friends should play the role of someone asking you for a big favor or ordering you to do something you don't want to do. Let's say they ask you to lend them your car for a few days or to lend them a large sum of money. Let them try to make you feel guilty by pointing out your selfishness or unkindness toward them. Your job is to tell them no, no matter how difficult it may seem. Practice the exercise until you feel able to express your refusal without feeling remorse or damaging your relationship with the insistent person. Gradually begin to practice the acquired skills in your real life - in business or personal relationships.
The second part of the exercise is to develop the ability to go after what you want and not give up until you get it. Let your friend play, for example, the role of an unscrupulous official trying to evade doing work that is important to you, or something like that. You must become a person who knows how to stand up for your rights. Your task is to force the official to complete the entire required amount of work and not give up until everything is in perfect order. You need to achieve this without resorting to complaints and accusations and without trying to gain sympathy. The exercise is considered completed if it is possible to put the partner in a hopeless position and he is unable to continue the argument. This is one of the main exercises for developing an initial level of influence on others.
Exercise Nine: Make a list of the alternatives at your disposal, even if they don't seem particularly attractive to you. Make a choice
This exercise is designed to teach you how to make choices. It is necessary to master the practice of compiling a list of alternatives available to you in a specific situation of personal or business communication. This may seem overwhelming at first, so it would be a good idea to ask someone you know to help you and point out all the possibilities available to you, no matter how unnatural they may seem. Your job is to consider each possibility without resorting to a phrase that starts with “yes, but...”. Here's a possible scenario. Your situation/desire: “I want to get a promotion, but the following is stopping me...” Make a list of obstacles standing in your way and options for overcoming them. A task like this may irritate you. Try to overcome it.
Exercise ten: Give yourself at least one pleasure every day
Make a list of pleasures that you would like to receive. The list may include some material things - clothes or some new technology, food, walks in the park or a pleasant vacation, communication with people you like, sex or love games, cards, and so on. Assign yourself one such pleasure per day. Don't let anything disrupt your plans, or prevent them from being accomplished, that will make you believe that it is impossible for you to experience them for any reason. You will have an excellent opportunity to observe the machinations of your subconscious. This will be very educational for you. To track this exercise, make a chart on which at the end of the day you note the extent to which you were able to feel pleasure. Be honest with yourself. If you allow a phone call or other unforeseen event to interrupt your plans, today will not count. Moreover, you are not allowed to blame circumstances. When you can experience pleasure at least five days a week, know that you are going in the right direction.
Exercise Eleven: Make a list of what is stopping you from achieving your goals and burn it
First of all, try to bring together all the reasons that cause your displeasure. To do this, take a notepad and write in it your immediate goal that you have set for yourself on the way to achieving a leadership position. After that, list here all the reasons why you think you cannot achieve it. Allow yourself to speak out loud. Give your inner critic complete freedom of speech. Let him say whatever he wants. Then repeat your own goal statement.
For example: Statement: “I want to get an advanced degree. I will get my degree." Reasons and considerations why I cannot do this: “I don’t have time to prepare for exams. Work takes me all day. What about both children? Who will take care of them? I'm too old to study again. It's too expensive. My wife won't like it. My parents are already old - I need to take care of them. Health is no longer the same. I can hardly even climb the stairs. And the computer is already quite old, you need to buy another one. There won’t be any money left.”
Continue the list until you run out of arguments. Then repeat the affirmation of what you want again. When you feel that there is nothing more to say, give the piece of paper with the list of arguments to be solemnly burned. For each topic of interest, you can carry out a similar procedure several times to increase its impact.
Exercise Twelve: Give Yourself Confidence and Assertiveness
It may be extremely difficult for you to defend your point of view and remain completely true to your principles, seeing what objections they cause from others. This tendency to give in and back down can manifest itself in your very posture. If you constantly walk with your head down, slouched, barely dragging your feet and rarely looking up or around, you will never become a leader. Therefore, a straight posture, straightened shoulders and chest, exposed to meet your opponent in a verbal duel, can in themselves give you a feeling of confidence in your abilities. Practice this mannerism, try it in a playful fight during a friendly party with one of your friends. Shift your body weight from your heels to your toes. Keep your knees slightly bent. Lift your chin - let it participate in the process of your self-affirmation. Continue to defend your point of view without resorting to complaints, accusations or reproaches. A mirror can also serve as a good assistant in performing this exercise.
The timbre of your voice and the depth of its sound can also say a lot about whether you feel like a defenseless victim or are able to claim leadership. If you talk or ask for a favor with a pitiful look and a trembling voice, then you yourself unwittingly provoke a refusal. Psychologist Eric Berne calls it wearing a T-shirt that says, "Don't hit me." Such a life motto or simply an attitude towards a specific conversation is precisely what gives many people the desire to “knock” you, to establish themselves at your expense. Not to mention that such behavior will create the impression of you as a weak person. You can record your conversation on a tape recorder and listen to what impression its timbre, tone, and sound make. Are there any whiny, plaintive notes breaking through in him? Perhaps dissatisfaction or disapproval? Does helplessness and uncertainty creep in? Work on your voice to give it more authority, confidence, and authority. (We will talk in detail about special techniques for developing “leadership” speech in a special chapter of our course). Remember that an indecisive person can be recognized by his hesitant statements, replete with euphemisms that “soften” his speech: “to achieve certain successes” instead of “became a leader,” “not very happy” instead of “angry,” etc. They create the impression of uncertainty, etc. qualifiers - “as if”, “only”, “a little”, “apparently”. The speaker thus creates the impression of a weak person who is not in control of the situation. Self-deprecating statements like “I’m not a speaker”, “I’m still an inexperienced specialist”, “I’m a new person” also reduce the impression.
Spend a few weeks practicing the twelve practice exercises described in this information module. Be sure to try, “try on” each exercise. Experience shows that you will like some exercises more and others less. Something will make you delighted, and something will cause you boredom and irritation. Show your character, perseverance and willpower - practice at least ten of them regularly until they enter your flesh and blood and become a natural part of you. The main thing is conscientiousness and regularity of classes. If you study only from time to time, “for show,” it will not give you anything. Only after a few weeks of daily practice you will definitely feel the result. Be sure to let us know about your impressions, both positive and negative.