How to manage emotions and why you need it. Managing Emotions: Practical Tips

3.3. Emotion management techniques

The first technique is based on the assumption that a person’s emotional background is limited and has a certain value. If there is only one emotion, then all this value is aimed at its realization. If there are two emotions, the value is divided in half, three feelings divide the emotional background into three parts, and so on ad infinitum. Therefore, if you are overcome by some strong feeling, then in order to cope with yourself, you need to go bowling, a movie, or go on a date. That is, create another emotional shock for yourself in order to divide the power of feeling between the experience that excites you and the artificially created one.

The second method of mastering oneself is the opposite action - focusing on the experience. To do this, you can completely concentrate on the cause or sensation, eliminating any distractions, locking yourself in a vacuum where there is only you and the emotion. For example, when the famous director Nikita Mikhalkov tried to bear the idea of ​​a new film, that is, to give birth to emotions, he shaved off his mustache, thereby locking himself at home, away from any society. Such an unauthorized arrest will help you quickly get to the essence of the feeling and experience it, and the brain, accustomed to the constant flow of information, will begin to starve, and the first strong passion will seem simply ridiculous and worthless. But this technique is not suitable for the most destructive sensations. We are talking about the irretrievable loss of loved ones. Such sorrows must be experienced among people.

Well, the third technique for managing emotions is switching, that is, transferring experiences from an important plane to an unimportant one. People call this “finding a scapegoat.” When you're in trouble, take it out on your slippers. If your wife offends you, break her favorite vase (at the same time, buy a new one later). If you were fired from your job, complain to a friend, and if that doesn’t help, finally write “stupid boss” in a spray can on the asphalt in front of the office. No matter what childish stupidity you do, it is effective and helps you overcome difficulties. In the West there is even such a profession - “listener” or otherwise “guilty”. This is a person who will listen to your attacks for money, and if you stipulate this in the working conditions, he may object, parry, or simply listen.

But all these techniques help in those situations when experiences are extended over time and have a day or two as soil for cultivation. But how can you control yourself and maintain control if the anger is momentary? In such situations, when the blood rushes to the head, it is almost impossible to think, but it is still worth trying...to count. About myself. From one to twenty. This will calm your heart rate, lower your blood pressure and take the necessary break. Count. Don't ignore this advice. And, of course, you have heard about self-hypnosis. “I am calm, I am relaxed and calm” - such phrases, contrary to the advice of archaic therapists, do not lead to the desired effect, because they have become a mass allegory. But self-hypnosis is an effective thing. You just need to come up with your own individual “key” - a phrase that can balance you, shake you up, return you to a rational and adequate consciousness. For such a phrase, it is better to use something that is very dear to you in life - the name of your mother or child, your secret dream. Remember with what words Ostap Bender accompanied his troubles, he said “No, this is not Rio de Janeiro!”, exalting his goal over the situation, stepping over trouble to achieve what he wanted.

From the book Seminar with Betty Alice Erickson: New Lessons in Hypnosis author Erickson Betty Alice

WORKING WITH EMOTIONS Inducing a trance “I am a tree” Betty: Do you understand that you are already in a trance? Elena: Yes. Betty: Do you know that you can easily talk in a trance, including with your unconscious, without speaking to your consciousness? Elena : Yes, I know. Betty: Do you think you should leave your eyes?

From the book Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman

Managing Emotions One of my friend's six-year-old daughter, Jessica, spent the night with a friend for the first time in her life, and it is unclear who was more nervous about this - the mother or the daughter. Although her mother tried not to let Jessica know how worried she was, she

From the book Anatomy of Fear [Treatise on Courage] author Marina Jose Antonio

8. Manipulating emotions Some people have a particularly developed talent for manipulating the feelings of others. These are true virtuosos who know how to exploit the weaknesses of their neighbors. They threaten on the sly. In a question that begins with the words: “Are you really capable?..” - without a doubt, it sounds

From the book Elements of Practical Psychology author Granovskaya Rada Mikhailovna

Managing Emotions A key role in effective self-management is played by awareness of your life goals and correlation of specific values ​​with them. A person who has made the main choice in life has largely predetermined all future decisions and thereby saved himself

From the book Training of Emotions. How to be happy by Curie Augusto

CHAPTER 5. Master of Emotion Management History of Masters among Masters Many people have shone in history thanks to their ability to think. Socrates was a master of doubt. Plato was a researcher of socio-political relations. Hippocrates, the father of medicine, was an explorer

From the book The Psychology of Deception [How, why and why even honest people lie] by Ford Charles W.

Managing Emotions Erving Goffman (1959), in his book The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life, now considered a classic work in social psychology, used the metaphor of theater to describe a person's attempts to present himself to the world. To a certain extent the whole world is

From the book Thoughtful [How to free yourself from unnecessary thoughts and focus on the main thing] author Newbigging Sandy

Emotion Observation Game You can play this game whenever you feel an emotion that you would rather not have. It is amazingly effective at helping emotions dissipate, thereby keeping you at peace and

From the book The Psychology of Victory [Secrets of training Olympic champions and successful businessmen, or 24 hours in your favor] author Kutovaya Elena Ivanovna

Scheme for managing negative emotions “STOP” No. 1 So, if you suddenly remembered an unpleasant situation for you, it distracts you, does not allow you to sleep peacefully at night, prevents you from concentrating and working effectively, follow these steps: Do -

From the book How to achieve your goal using NLP. 49 simple rules by Eva Berger

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From the book Brain. Instructions for use [How to use your capabilities to the maximum and without overload] by Rock David

Reappraisal as a True Way to Manage Emotions In Act 1, I introduced you to the concept of the inverted U; As you remember, it is advisable to always remain near its apex, which indicates the optimal level of arousal for performing tasks and accepting

From the book Reasonable World [How to live without unnecessary worries] author Sviyash Alexander Grigorievich

Overload with negative emotions But the etheric body can only be an intermediate link through which the negative impact from a more subtle body, or the body of our emotions, is transmitted. And the emotions of most people, unfortunately, are far from joyful. Good

From the book Difficult People. How to build good relationships with conflicting people by Helen McGrath

Rational ways to manage specific emotions Irritation If I get irritated in situations where someone treats me badly, I can cope with it, even though I don't like it. I won't ignore my feelings, but I won't show them off either. Can

From the book Make Your Brain Work. How to Maximize Your Efficiency by Brann Amy

Strategies for rationally managing your emotions Look for evidence. Assess the possibility of error. Find the positive aspects. Take a long view. Lower your tone. Don't take things personally. Do not panic. Solve the problem. Put everything in

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Chapter Four. 10 ways to manage emotions It would probably be wrong to say that we can learn to control our feelings in a short time, because we have found out that for this we need to rebuild ourselves in many ways, free ourselves from complexes, fears,

How to learn to manage your emotions? It often happens that we do not need the emotions that arise at the moment or that we need completely different ones. We try with all our might to switch to something else, breathe deeply, and analyze our condition. This is correct, but ineffective, especially in emergency situations. Therefore, you need to develop emotion management in yourself. For this purpose, special exercises have been created, used in trainings and described in books on psychology.

And the emotional state is visible to everyone, since it is expressed by the body. When you are sad, your shoulders are hunched, your head is down, and your breathing is slow and heavy. But remember what gestures and facial expressions are like when you are happy: shoulders are straightened, chin is raised, chest forward, breathing is even, and there is a smile on your face. Repeat these actions, and then your state of mind will change. All processes of the body, physical and mental, are interconnected. Practice at home in front of the mirror and feel this effect.

B It happens that one thought is spinning in your head like a broken record. It interferes with your life, spoils your mood and drives you into a corner morally. It could be someone's harsh words or an imaginary conversation with someone you're afraid to talk to. In this case, try to make the voices seem childish and squeaky so that they are not taken so seriously. Parody them in front of the mirror to make it funny. Another way to get rid of inner voices is to turn on music, but not in reality, but mentally.

In See the world through the eyes of a comedian: describe a situation that brought you out of emotional balance, like a joke. It’s even better to write it down on paper or tell a loved one. At first it may seem that this method will not help, but rest assured, you can find the bright side in any situation!

D If you feel that on a psychological level you cannot complete some task (it seems too boring or difficult), then turn on your imagination. Imagine that this is not a heavy burden, but a most exciting activity that will bear fruit. Or give yourself a reward for doing this work.

All exercises are simple but effective. They are a kind of support for managing emotions, because they have one principle - internal switching from one state to another. Imagine that the brain is like a computer, the processes of which are under your control. Over time, it will become easier to cope with feelings.

Books on developing the skill of managing emotions

  • E.P. Ilyin “Emotions and feelings.” Before getting acquainted with managing emotions, first find out what emotions are, what they are, where they come from and how they are expressed at the level of psychology and physiology. This book will tell you about this.
  • Paul Ekman “The Psychology of Emotions. I know what you feel". The book will teach you to recognize emotions in yourself and other people, evaluate and correct them in the early stages of manifestation. It is based on the thoughts, personal experiences and research of the author.
  • Ruslan Zhukovets “How to tame emotions. Self-control techniques from a professional psychologist.” This book is more serious, because it talks about what processes occur in the body during the experience of emotions: why and how negative emotions spoil our health. In addition, it will show you how to get rid of excessive emotionality.
  • Nina Rubshtein “Training to manage emotions.” It contains exercises to control emotions and a lot of useful information about their occurrence. The book exists only in electronic form.
  • Sandra Ingerman, “Releasing Unpleasant Thoughts and Emotions.” The book has many positive reviews because it describes specific techniques for controlling emotions. As the author emphasizes, what is written will be useful to those who are interested in psychology and spiritual development, and also want to be healthy and happy.

Those who want to be less emotional should turn to printed sources, video resources and presentations. These could be paid trainings, seminars, or free videos on YouTube. To improve the effect, it is worth attending such events live, because there is an opportunity to discuss an exciting problem with other training participants and ask questions to the presenter.

How to keep emotions under control when speaking in public: literature, advice, trainings

Managing emotions is much easier when everything happens at the everyday level. But when you conduct training in front of dozens of people, managing emotions comes to naught. Before a performance, inexperienced speakers develop a fear of failure, which manifests itself unpredictably on stage. Therefore, learn to control yourself and apply the acquired knowledge in practice.

Literature on managing emotions:

  • Radislav Gandapas "Kama Sutra for the speaker." This is a reference book for those who want to be or are already a professional speaker. It is small in volume, but contains a lot of useful information about the process of preparing for a performance and overcoming fear and anxiety. Be sure to read the author's other books and attend or watch online trainings. There is a large selection, so they are useful for speakers and those who want to be a leader and entrepreneur.
  • George Kohlrieser "Rescuing the Hostage. How to manage emotions, influence people and resolve conflicts. Practical advice from an experienced negotiator." This book was created for those who do not want to be hostage to their own thoughts and other people; who wants to understand personal psychology, as well as learn how to control themselves during negotiations and presentations.
  • Dale Carnegie: How to Build Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public. A classic book on the psychology of public speaking. She will teach you to be confident on stage, but less emotional. Recommendations from here are used in public speaking training.

1 Don't be afraid to make mistakes. This fear prevents novice speakers from going on stage. Remember that professional training facilitators also made mistakes, but this did not in the least prevent them from achieving success. Give an answer to the question: “What happens if I make a mistake?” Most likely nothing.

2 Don't dwell on failure. If you think about a bad development of events, it will happen. Therefore, present the performance only in the best possible way. After all, if you constantly replay in your head how you stutter and your listeners laugh, your performance will decrease. This means that the preparation process will be a difficult test for you, as will the performance itself.

3 Don't use stimulants. Coffee, alcohol and sedatives will not help you calm down. On the contrary, you will become inhibited. Get better sleep before the event.

4 Think about your appearance. Be sure to put yourself in order: do your hair, put on makeup appropriately (if you are a girl), wear clothes appropriate for the occasion. Clothing should be fashionable, comfortable and not shocking. Consider the reaction of the general public, because clothing that is “normal” for you may cause confusion among others. Girls don't need to go wrong with jewelry. It is better to choose an accessory that suits the occasion in advance, rather than wearing everything. Such simple preparations will increase self-confidence.

5 Forget about the past. If you have experience of unsuccessful performance, you should not think that every training will go the same way. Learn from your mistakes, improve and move on. With experience, such problems will become less .

It's not bad to be an emotional person if you experience positive emotions. But if you feel anger, fear, despondency and cannot get rid of them, change. Negative emotions harm mental and physical health. Try it, it’s easier to do than it seems at first glance. Do the exercises, read useful books, attend trainings, and you will definitely succeed!

In everyday life, conflict situations often occur between people due to differences in temperament. This is due, first of all, to a person’s excessive emotionality and lack of self-control. emotions? How to “get the upper hand” over your own feelings and thoughts during a conflict? Psychology provides answers to these questions.

Why do you need self-control?

Restraint and self-control are something that many people lack. This is achieved over time, constantly training and improving skills. Self-control helps to achieve a lot, and the least of this list is inner peace of mind. How to learn to control your emotions and at the same time prevent intrapersonal conflict? Understand that this is necessary and gain agreement with your own “I”.

Control over emotions prevents the conflict situation from worsening and allows you to find someone with completely opposite personalities. To a greater extent, self-control is necessary to establish relationships with people, no matter business partners or relatives, children, lovers.

The influence of negative emotions on life

Breakdowns and scandals, in which negative energy is released, have a detrimental effect not only on the people around them, but also on the instigator of conflict situations. How to learn to restrain your negative emotions? Try to avoid conflicts and not succumb to provocations from other people.

Negative emotions destroy harmonious relationships in the family and interfere with normal personal development and career growth. After all, few people want to cooperate/communicate/live with a person who does not control himself and starts a large-scale scandal at every opportunity. For example, if a woman cannot control herself and constantly finds fault with her man, which leads to serious quarrels, then he will soon leave her.

In raising children, it is also important to restrain yourself and not give free rein to negative emotions. The child will feel every word said by the parent in the heat of anger, and will subsequently remember this moment for the rest of his life. Psychology helps to understand how to learn to restrain emotions and prevent their manifestation in communication with children and loved ones.

Negative emotions also have a great impact on business and work activities. The team always consists of people of different temperaments, therefore self-control plays an important role here: negativity can spill out at any moment when a person is put under pressure and required to do overwhelming work. And instead of the usual dialogue where the parties can reach a consensus, a scandal develops. How to learn to control your emotions in the workplace? Do not react to employee provocations, try to start a casual conversation, agree with your superiors in everything, even if the assigned tasks are difficult to complete.

Suppression of emotions

Constantly restraining yourself within certain limits and preventing the release of negativity is not a panacea. Suppressing accumulates negativity, and therefore increases the risk of developing psychological diseases. Negativity must be periodically “thrown out” somewhere, but in such a way that the feelings of other people are not harmed. How to learn to restrain emotions, but without harm to your inner world? Go in for sports, because during training a person spends all his internal resources, and the negativity quickly goes away.

Wrestling, boxing, and hand-to-hand combat are suitable for releasing negative energy. It is important here that a person mentally wants to give vent to his emotions, then he will feel relief and he will not want to take it out on anyone. However, it is worth considering that everything should be in moderation, and overwork during training can provoke a new influx of negativity.

Two ways to control your emotions:

  • Do you dislike a person so much that you are ready to destroy him? Do this, but, of course, not in the literal sense of the word. At the moment when you feel uncomfortable communicating with him, mentally do whatever you want with this person.
  • Draw a person you hate and write down on a piece of paper next to the image the problems that appeared in your life thanks to him. Burn the sheet and mentally put an end to your relationship with this person.

Prevention

How to learn to restrain emotions? Psychology gives the following answer to this question: to control your feelings and emotions, prevention is necessary, in other words - emotional hygiene. Like the human body, his soul also needs hygiene and disease prevention. To do this, you need to protect yourself from communicating with people who cause hostility, and also, if possible, avoid conflicts.

Prevention is the most gentle and optimal way to control emotions. It does not require additional human training or specialist intervention. Preventive measures allow you to protect yourself from negativity and nervous breakdowns for a long time.

The main thing is that it helps you gain control over your emotions - over your own life. When a person is satisfied with everything in his home, work, relationships, and he understands that at any moment he can influence all this and adjust it to himself, then it is easier for him to restrain the manifestation of negative emotions. There are a number of preventive rules that help manage your own feelings and thoughts. How to learn to control your emotions and manage yourself? Follow simple rules.

Unfinished business and debts

Complete all planned tasks in a short time, do not leave the work unfinished - this can cause delays in terms of deadlines, causing negative emotions. Also, “tails” can be reproached, pointing out your incompetence.

In financial terms, try to avoid late payments and debts - this is exhausting and prevents you from achieving your goal. Understanding that you have not repaid a debt to someone causes negativity and helplessness in the face of current circumstances.

The absence of debts, both financial and other, allows you to fully spend your own energy resources and strength, directing them to the realization of desires. A sense of duty, on the contrary, is an obstacle to mastering self-control and achieving success. How to learn to restrain emotions and control yourself? Eliminate debts in a timely manner.

Cosiness

Create a comfortable workplace for yourself, equip your home to your own taste. Both at work and at home, with your family, you should feel comfortable - nothing should cause irritation or any other negative emotions.

Time planning

Try to make smart plans for the day, strive to ensure that you have a little more time and resources to complete your tasks than you need. This will avoid the negativity associated with a constant lack of time and worries about the lack of finances, energy and strength for work.

Communication and Workflow

Avoid contacts with unpleasant people who waste your personal time. Especially with individuals who are called “energy vampires” - they take up not only your time, but also your energy. If possible, try not to interact with overly temperamental people, since any incorrect remark directed in their direction can provoke a scandal. How to restrain your emotions in relationships with other people? Be polite, do not exceed your authority, and do not overreact to criticism.

If your job brings you nothing but negative emotions, then you should think about changing your job. Earning money to the detriment of your soul and feelings, sooner or later, will lead to a breakdown and disorder of mental balance.

Marking boundaries

Mentally create a list of things and actions that cause you negative emotions. Draw an invisible line, a line that no one, even the closest person, should cross. Create a set of rules that restrict people from communicating with you. Those who truly love, appreciate and respect you will accept such demands, and those who resist these attitudes should not be in your environment. To communicate with strangers, develop a special system that will avoid violating your boundaries and creating conflict situations.

Physical activity and self-reflection

Playing sports will bring not only physical health, but also mental balance. Spend 30 minutes to 1 hour a day on sports, and your body will quickly cope with negative emotions.

At the same time, analyze everything that happens to you during the day. Ask yourself questions about whether you acted correctly in a given situation, whether you communicated with the right people, whether you had enough time to complete the work. This will help not only to understand yourself, but also in the future to eradicate communication with unnecessary people who cause negativity. your own emotions, thoughts and goals allows you to fully develop self-control.

Positive emotions and prioritization

Develop the ability to switch from negative emotions to positive ones, try to see the positive sides in any situation. How to learn to control emotions in relationships with family and strangers? Be more positive, and this will help you overcome your own temper.

The right goal is a great help in achieving self-control. When you are on the verge of a surge of negative emotions, imagine that as soon as you stop being nervous and paying attention to provocations, your dreams will begin to come true. You should choose only realistic, achievable goals.

Environment

Take a close look at the people around you. Is there any benefit from communicating with them? Do they bring you happiness, warmth and kindness, do they make you happy? If not, then the answer is obvious; you urgently need to change your social circle, switch to individuals who bring positive emotions. Of course, it is impossible to do this in the workplace, but at least limit yourself from communicating with such people outside the work space.

In addition to changing your environment, expanding your social circle will help you develop self-control. This will give you new opportunities, knowledge and a positive charge for a long time.

Often, activities that involve working closely with people are emotionally taxing. And this is true even if the work is your favorite. It happens that in this situation, many do not allow themselves to show emotions, believing that here they should be impartial and extremely calm.

But we are all human, and we remain so even during the hours we spend at work. Fortunately or unfortunately, there is no function in the body that would allow one to turn off emotional sensitivity on weekdays from 8 to 17. And, since the position requires certain standards of behavior, a person sometimes has to restrain himself, leaving emotions without any expression.

Suppressing emotions and their accompanying accumulation is like a natural disaster. It starts with a slight breeze, say, dissatisfaction with a colleague). Then discontent escalates, and then events develop like a snowball. Everything starts to irritate you, no matter what happens around you. Irritation gives rise to anger, which penetrates deeper and deeper into a person. If you don’t pay attention to your inner state now, anger will develop into anger. In turn, anger is the strongest emotion, which will be more difficult to restrain than its predecessors. But at this stage it is still possible. The peak of this natural disaster is the rage that comes from anger. This emotion is inherently uncontrollable. Here, even with a strong desire, it will certainly be impossible to live up to the image of a calm and balanced employee. And then - write in vain.

In this regard, questions arise: what to do in such situations? How to prevent emotional outbursts?

To get rid of the influence of negative emotions, you first need to learn to see and recognize them, and then experience and live them. After all, swallowing and ignoring your emotions is fraught not only with destructive behavior towards others, but also with personal health problems.

Let's turn to techniques for managing your own emotions, which can help you maintain both internal and external composure at the right time.

MANAGING EMOTIONS AT THE BODY LEVEL

Deep breathing technique

As you know, breathing is directly related to the nervous system. Thus, breathing exercises can become an emergency way to regulate your condition. Currently, techniques that use deep inhalations and exhalations are very popular. Below is one of the exercises of a similar plan:

  • sit up straight. Count to 4 to yourself and take a deep breath through your nose. In the same way - exhale through the mouth for 4 counts.
  • then, as you inhale, lift your left leg. As you exhale, lower. Repeat the same with your right leg.
  • do 4 sets for the left and 4 for the right leg.

Muscle release technique

Muscle release also helps relieve tension. It is important to use it, for example, in those moments when you feel the onset of anger.

One way is to clench your fists as hard as you can and hold them in this position until you feel that you have no more strength. The fingers will begin to relax on their own. The good thing about this method is that it can be used anywhere, making sure that at least one fist is hidden.

MANAGING EMOTIONS AT THE LEVEL OF CONSCIOUSNESS

When you start to boil and get irritated, take a break. In the literal sense of the word. You can say “I’ll think about it,” “let’s reschedule the conversation,” or any other phrase that is convenient for you, which will allow you to gain time to put things in order in your head. Set a deadline after which you can give an answer. This will allow you to immerse yourself in a state of heightened awareness, which will give you the opportunity to calm down, process your emotions and make more informed decisions.

MANAGING EMOTIONS AT THE IMAGINATIONAL LEVEL

The possibilities of our imagination open up a truly large field for action in the area of ​​living emotions. There are many techniques for working with images, such as:

Arrow catcher technique

Imagine that catchy remarks and phrases addressed to you are arrows that come from your interlocutor. But you have the advantage of having an invisible shirt that tends to delay them and let through only the data that is important for controlling the situation. However, be careful not to omit information that is critical to making a decision on the issue.

Technique"Second Pair of Eyes"

Using this technique, it is as if you are divided in two and begin to see yourself from the outside. Let the events developing around you take their course. At the same time, direct part of your attention to observing yourself. Try to understand your reactions, watch what causes them and how they develop. Your inner observer must be impartial and critical. Remember that you need to notice your current actions, states, and correct them in the process. For example: “The conversation with an employee is difficult. I feel myself starting to raise my voice and my breathing becomes rapid. So, you need to reduce the speed and bring your breathing back to normal. Okay, everything is fine now."

MANAGING EMOTIONS AT THE EXTERNAL LEVEL

Sometimes feelings are so strong that a person needs not only an internal resource, but also an external one to experience them.

In this case, you can crumple or cut sheets of paper into small pieces. If this is not possible due to certain circumstances, start drawing doodles in a notebook, pressing firmly on the rod or stylus.

It can also be effective if you do something pleasant for yourself: drink a cup of delicious coffee/tea, look at pictures of your loved ones, turn on a pleasant melody.

As preventive work At the level of emotion management, the following measures can be used:


Of all the proposed methods, find those that are closest or most convenient to you, and take action!

Remember that we ourselves choose whether or not to be captured by our own emotions!

Davydenko Olga Igorevna

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Emotion management skills allow us to effectively manage our emotional reactions. While we can't always control how we feel, we can control what we do in response to those feelings. The first step to becoming more in control of your emotions begins with learning to recognize emotions and how they affect your life.

Without the ability to notice, recognize, and acknowledge an emotional response, we will not perceive ourselves as the source of action in our environment. This can lead to other people influencing your emotions without your consent. Thus, one can be like a person who finds himself in a stormy ocean with only one oar in his hands and experience a feeling of powerlessness.

How can we overcome this illogical belief that other people have the power to provoke an emotional reaction in us? It all starts with learning to manage emotions. Below are some great techniques for managing your emotions. These methods have been reviewed by Dr. Marsha Linehan, director of the Behavioral Health Clinic and author of Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Beginning with the seventh method, all other methods were taken and processed from the Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Manual (McKay, Wood, & Brantley, 2007).

1. Identifying and labeling emotional reactions

The first step to managing emotions is learning to recognize and label current emotions. The complexity inherent in emotional processes makes this step deceptively difficult. The process of identifying emotions requires both your ability to notice/observe your reactions and the ability to describe emotional manifestations.

Try to focus on observation and description:

1) the event that gave rise to the emotion;
2) the meaning attached to this event;
3) sensations from this emotion - bodily sensations, etc.;
4) behavior expressed in movements that arose due to this emotion;
5) the impact of this emotion on your personal functional status.

2. Identifying barriers that prevent you from changing emotions

Changing our deep-rooted emotional reactions can be very difficult because we have become conditioned over time to react to certain events in certain predictable ways. It can be especially difficult to change emotional reactions that do not serve us well, but for which there are always arguments to justify it (for example, “I know I shouldn’t take anti-anxiety pills, but when I take them, I feel better”).

Emotions typically have two functions: notifying others and justifying one's own behavior. We often use emotional reactions when trying (even unconsciously) to influence or control the behavior of other people, as well as to explain our perception/interpretation of certain events. To manage emotions, it is extremely important to be able to recognize the function of a particular emotional reaction and understand why you express these emotions in this way.

3. Reducing sensitivity to the level of “emotional intelligence”

If we are stressed from physical activity or stressed by external factors, then on such days we are more vulnerable to emotional reactivity. The key to regulating emotions is maintaining a healthy balance in various areas of daily activity. In this way we prevent our physical, mental and emotional stress.

To reduce emotional sensitivity, you need to develop the habit of eating a balanced diet, getting enough sleep, doing exercise that suits you, abstaining from psychotropic substances unless prescribed for you by a doctor, and increasing the self-confidence that comes from taking action when you see your performance. and begin to realize your competence.

4. Increasing the number of events that bring positive emotions

Dialectical behavior therapy is based on the assumption that people “feel bad for good reasons.” The perception of events that cause strong emotions can be changed, but the emotions still remain. An important way to manage emotions is to train yourself to control the events that trigger those emotions.

What you can do right away is to increase the number of positive events in your life. The long-term goal is to make fundamental lifestyle changes that will increase the frequency of positive events. In this case, it is important to remember that you need to pay attention to the positive events happening in your life.

5. Increasing psychological involvement in currently existing emotions

Dr. Linehan (1993) explains that “by displaying one's pain and anguish, but not labeling the display as a negative emotion, one stops triggering secondary negative emotions.” By actively reasoning that a particular emotion is “bad,” we end up in a “bad” emotional state and feel guilty, sad, sad, or angry. By adding these harmful feelings to an already negative situation, we only increase the harm and make and complicate the situation that the negative event caused.

By learning to understand your emotional state (for example, without trying to change or block your emotions), you can cope with a stressful situation without adding fuel to the fire (i.e., without increasing the number of negative emotions). This doesn't mean that you shouldn't perceive the event as painful and treat it accordingly, it just means that you should remember not to let the emotions you're expressing interfere with your ability to respond appropriately to the world around you. .

Think about how you can apply these emotion management techniques to your daily life. The process of learning to manage emotions takes practice. This new skill needs to be realized, you need to learn how to apply it and practice it all the time. Whenever you encounter a situation that you know will be a source of strong emotions, try to see it as an opportunity to practice these emotion management techniques. Have you noticed that when you become more mindful and aware of your emotions, how you feel changes?

6. Using the opposite action

An important method of dialectical behavior therapy for changing or managing strong emotions is changing the “behavioral-expressive component through actions that are inconsistent with the emotions” (Linehan, 1993, p. 151). Using the opposite action does not imply inhibition of the expression of an emotion, but rather simply the expression of a different emotion.

An example might be the subjective feeling of being depressed, when a person does not want to get up in bed and communicate with other people, and the opposing decision to get up and walk around the area, which does not prohibit the existence of the first feeling, but is opposed to it. Most likely, it is impossible to immediately get rid of the state of depression, but this state can be counteracted by positive changes in your feelings.

7. Application of methods of allowing suffering

When you feel angry, sad, or anxious, you feel like you urgently need to do something to stop or numb these unbearable negative emotions. In fact, states with strong negative emotions can be tolerated. Taking impulsive actions due to negative emotions overwhelming you, you only worsen the situation.

8. Reducing physical sensitivity as a way to deal with emotions

This method is similar to the method of desensitizing to the level of “emotional intelligence.” To combat unwanted emotions, as well as identifying and understanding how thoughts and behavior affect your emotions, recognizing the physical condition that makes you more or less susceptible to those emotions is important.

You can determine the extent to which your physical state affects your emotions by asking yourself the following questions:

  1. How does my diet affect my well-being?
  2. How does overeating or undereating affect me immediately, and what are the long-term consequences of these actions?
  3. How does drinking and taking pills affect me immediately and what are the long-term consequences of taking them?
  4. How does my sleep (or lack thereof) affect my well-being?

9. Identifying Emotions

The main goal of dialectical behavior therapy is to learn to see your emotions, rather than avoid them. When we are aware of our emotional state, we have a choice in how we respond to the situation and how we feel. Identifying emotions begins with keeping a record of the events that affected your emotions and extracting specific emotions so you can then manage or eliminate those emotions. By writing down events that affected your emotional state, you will learn to identify your typical reactions to certain emotions.

If you know that, for example, you need to make a great effort to extinguish an attack of anger, you must learn (little by little at first) to observe this negative emotion, how the body reacts to it and the impulses that arise, and try to avoid judgments, that may arise in connection with this emotion. This process of gradually identifying emotions must be accompanied by an attentive attitude to everything that you experience.

10. Be attentive to your emotions without making judgments.

If you are attentive to your emotions without making judgments about them, you reduce the likelihood of them increasing in intensity. This kind of mindful recognition especially helps you deal with unwanted emotions. Concentrate on your breathing, observe the emotions you are experiencing at the moment.

Try to look at your emotional state through the eyes of an outside observer. Just notice everything that happens - do not divide what is happening into “bad” or “good”. Taking control of your emotions can be very difficult. Pay attention to all your thoughts and judgments about the emotions you experience (or even your intentions resulting from the emotions) and let them run their course. What will you end up with if you do all this?

Try to find ways to apply these emotion management techniques in your daily life. How you work to become more aware of your ability to mindfully observe your emotions and how you express those emotions.

  • Psychology: personality and business