Stress can have a very different nature and causes, but the reaction to life’s disasters is always the same: confusion and despair. In order to steadfastly endure all life's troubles and problems, it is necessary to develop a strong emotional state within yourself. This is a state in which a person is able to quickly and soberly assess the current stressful situation and begin to act correctly. It is known that a calm and balanced person begins to act much faster and more logically in an unforeseen situation. His actions are coordinated and strategically correct.
It is extremely difficult for individuals prone to excessive emotionality and sensitivity to act calmly and calmly in a stressful situation, but everything can be learned. You can force and train your body and mind to respond to difficult situations correctly and more calmly. In order to achieve this, you need to constantly improve yourself and work in this direction. There are special techniques that develop lasting emotional stability, even in people with a weak and flexible psyche. These are a wide variety of psychological trainings and courses.
Psychological trainings
Nowadays, many different trainings are opening that guarantee 100% effect. It is important to remember that such courses can only be taught by professional psychologists or psychotherapists. These courses will certainly help you, but it is important to remember that a person should and can help himself. You need to try to do a variety of exercises that a specialist advises, constantly monitor your body language, and bring it to perfection. Then the benefits and positive effects from such psychological trainings will not take long to arrive.
Learning self-control
In order to learn to control your emotions, you need to master the technique of looking at problems calmly. Imagine yourself in a beautiful green picturesque meadow, near the shore of a quiet river or near the sea surf. Concentrate on the imaginary image, breathe calmly and serenely. If you can’t imagine picturesque pictures in your imagination, then you can look at real paintings depicting nature and landscapes.
After you manage to calmly and serenely learn to look at a picture, practice also calmly looking at your interlocutor. To do this, you need to look not at one point, but at the person as a whole. Without fixing your gaze on one particular detail.
Write down every day in a specially kept notebook all the events that happened to you during the day. Designating each of them with its own color. For example, green - not particularly significant events, red - very unpleasant unforeseen events, yellow - troubles of average importance.
Such daily recording of all events in your life will allow you to look at the ups and downs of life with different eyes, minor problems will fade into the background. You will stop getting nervous over trifles, and learn to distinguish between the degree of significance and seriousness of a problem or conflict. This activity will help you better control your psycho-emotional state. Your resistance to stress will increase significantly; it will be easier for you to perceive all life situations and come out of them calmly. You will understand that you used to worry about trifles, wasting a lot of time and energy solving problems that are not worth such effort.
Stress management
As it turned out, it is possible to learn to clearly differentiate and protect yourself from minor experiences. Anyone can do these exercises without exception. It is important throughout your life to continue to develop harmoniously and bring your emotional state to ideal. This is a colossal amount of work on oneself, but anyone can do it. Scientists have proven that if a person is in some difficult stressful situation for a long time, then his psyche begins to adapt to new conditions of existence. And then in the next stressful situation the human psyche is able to withstand the current situation. The human body is able to get used to shocks, thereby increasing the threshold of stress tolerance.
Remember that the more you work on yourself and on your mental stability, the better and calmer you will respond to life's troubles. You will be able to react soberly and prudently to acute and ambiguous problems and quickly return to a state of emotional calm.
The right approach
It is necessary to begin to improve your emotional state by understanding and analyzing your weaknesses and fears. These weaknesses and fears are the main obstacle to our goal. Write on paper all your shortcomings, disadvantages, your wrong actions in different situations, analyze each point. And only after that, start training; after a while you will see that a lot in your life and environment will change for the better. Life will take on new bright colors, the clouds will clear. Your emotional state will improve, you will learn to react more calmly to what is happening in your life. Learn to separate black from white.
Give yourself a mindset and remember that people who are always whining over all problems and trifles live dull and uninteresting lives. This will give you strength and force you to improve your emotional state.
Related materials:
There are no similar materials...
We live in difficult times. We constantly have to process a large amount of information, both negative and positive. TV, the Internet, social networks, information from other people - all this influences us, most often becoming a breeding ground for anxiety and fear.
5 rules that will help protect you from negativity every day
1. Set your boundaries
Do you have your own territory where you can do what you want? Do you give yourself enough time to think about “you”, do you allow yourself privacy to fill your space with what you love? If you don't make an effort to mark your territory, the world will do it for you. Indeed, upholding boundaries requires some aggression and not everyone may like it, but as a result, there will simply be nowhere for bad news to be absorbed; there will be no place for it in your life.
2. Distance yourself from negativity
Each of us is able to tolerate a limited number of feelings. Often we completely merge with current events or deeply sympathize with loved ones, but the psyche has a limit. A large amount of negativity can dull sensitivity and increase nervousness, resulting in problems with sleep. You may find yourself stuck on the same channel, scrolling through social media or checking email non-stop. These are all clear signals to take a break. Stop, breathe deeply, put down the TV remote control or tablet, feel your body. Describe the real situation for yourself: “I am alive now. This is what is happening in my country. This is how it works in my family. This is my reality,” as if distinguishing oneself from the flow of information, separating from it.
3. Be selective in your contacts
4. Stick to daily rituals
It sounds banal, but it works flawlessly. To protect yourself from negativity, restore routine things that you can do day after day. This will make you much more psychologically stable. Don't stop drinking morning coffee with a friend before work. Also, continue to take your child to kindergarten and read him a bedtime story, go for a run in the morning, feed the neighbor’s puppy, and prepare breakfast for the whole family. I advise you to value your rituals and do them with love. You can create your own list of “useful rituals” and constantly add to it by sharing with friends. And if necessary, turn to it, as if reminding yourself that life goes on and there are a huge number of pleasant things in it that make every day happy.
5. Remember creativity and humor
As we know, our ability to cope with stress depends on how creatively we can approach our lives. It is important to learn to be flexible, try to change some old habits. Instead of news, turn on music, instead of social networks, go to the website of a city art gallery, instead of morning exercises, dance. If you suddenly had to listen to a portion of aggression from a loved one, do not rush to get angry in response. Offer to “suck the poison out of him” or say something like “well, you just gave it away, you’re a villain!” It's not that hard to make your life a little happier and turn something serious into a joke.
Be mindful of yourself and what you let into your life. Where we direct our energy is what we get as a result.
Today I will tell you how to tolerate people you hate, who annoy you. We are often surrounded by people who we cannot avoid. Then we have to put up with their qualities that irritate us. It happens that friends, wives or husbands, the people closest to us, have shortcomings that are difficult to tolerate.
On the one hand, we love these people and we desire their company, but, on the other hand, they often behave in ways that we do not like. How to cope with your irritation about other people's behavior, other people's shortcomings? This will be discussed in this article.
When should we not tolerate?
I’ll say right away that I’m not going to help you become opportunists who will tolerate any circumstances and any people without trying to change anything. Still, in some situations it is necessary to solve the problem, and not look for ways to kill the bitterness and irritation associated with people’s behavior.
If the situation can be corrected, then it needs to be corrected. If a colleague is constantly rude to you, it is better to talk to him about this, instead of silently enduring it. If your husband offends you, then you need to try to influence him, change his behavior, or, as a last resort, by delivering your ultimatum. After all, you have been living with this person for many years; will you not tolerate something that is difficult to tolerate?
But, unfortunately, we cannot influence everything, and we have to endure some things. For example, these are some of the shortcomings of our friends, the presence of which does not create a big problem, but sometimes annoys us. This is boorish, unfriendly behavior of strangers on the street. These are the annoying habits of your work colleagues, the kind of habits that they are not going to get rid of.
But it also happens that the problem is not only in other people, but also in you. For example, your colleague annoys only you and no one else, simply because you yourself dislike him or are jealous of him, or are too irritable, or do not see anything in him except his shortcomings, or you are simply always in a bad mood.
It happens that it is better to solve a problem than to endure it. But, sometimes, the right way out is to show tolerance towards people. In some cases, we have to change our attitude towards people in order to replace irritation and anger with tolerance and goodwill.
But, in any case, in situations where the problem cannot be solved, it is better to experience positive emotions, or at least not experience negative emotions, than to be angry and irritated. Negative emotions consume your moral strength, fetter and limit your mind.
And if you cannot change some people or avoid their company, then it is better to learn not to spoil your mood with their presence and behavior, learn to tolerate them. It is better to remain joyful and equanimous than to remain angry and irritated because of other people's problems.
See people as challenges
I will tell you about this method first, as it helps me a lot. When I feel irritated by someone's actions, I immediately begin to think of people as challenges, as opportunities to learn something, develop my abilities and get rid of shortcomings.
If you are about to meet someone who makes you angry, use this as an opportunity to learn to control your own anger. After all, you won’t be able to learn this when you don’t feel this anger!
Use communication with your friend, who earns much more than you and allows himself to spend things that you don’t even think about, as a way to cope with your envy.
If contacts with some people only make you want to clash with them in a heated argument, then try to extract from these meetings only the positive experience of self-control and tolerance towards other people's opinions.
Instead of getting carried away by your feelings of anger and irritation, try to analyze them, recognize them and prevent them. Let meetings with other people become a training for your capabilities!
Remember, often the source of your emotions is not other people, but yourself. Negative feelings arise in you not only because the other person is bad and behaves inappropriately, but also because you allow him to drive you crazy. It is not entirely correct to say that someone makes you angry with their actions. You yourself get angry in response to someone else's actions! Only you are responsible for your emotions. (But that doesn't mean you have to tolerate every person's actions. The problem isn't necessarily always yours, as I wrote above.)
And you can control these emotions.
Therefore, when you meet people towards whom you feel anger, envy, or resentment, you are actually facing your inner “demons.”
These “demons” cannot be defeated without facing them.
If you perceive unpleasant people as challenges that life sends you, giving you a chance to become better, then it will be easier for you to be patient with such people. After all, you will see in such meetings not another reason for frustration, but a chance to work on yourself, correct your own shortcomings, a chance for yourself, and not for someone else!
And this will fill you with the will and motivation for tolerance.
Be sincere
Nothing exacerbates friction between people more than secrecy and closeness in conditions of mutual tension. Try, if possible, to bring up problems of misunderstanding between each other for joint discussion. Hints and sneaky actions will never achieve what you can achieve with a sincere and constructive conversation.
Of course, such a conversation is not always possible due to social restrictions. You won't be able to have a heart-to-heart talk with many people.
In your imagination, you can think all kinds of bad things about a person. But after talking with him, you will often find that his personality does not at all correspond to your ideas.
Open dialogue will help two people understand each other. Speaking of understanding...
Try to understand other people
If you try to understand the actions of other people, instead of immediately criticizing and condemning them, then you will find that a person’s actions are natural consequences of his thoughts, mental state and worldview.
This is a pretty obvious idea, but let's dwell on it. Anger and frustration are usually caused by an abyss of misunderstanding, namely the fact that you cannot put yourself in the other person’s shoes, so some of his actions seem inexplicable, mean and deserving of condemnation.
Imagine that some elderly woman was rude to you on the subway. I agree that it is very difficult to put yourself in her shoes unless you are a gruff older woman yourself. But you can at least guess a little about the state of such a person.
As people age, they develop health problems that have a negative impact on their emotional state. The woman who was rude to you spends her days in queues, where she communicates with people who are equally dissatisfied with their lives.
Most likely, there are still some problems in her life, like other people, but due to her age, it is harder for her to abstract from them. Her mind is no longer so aware of the difference between good and bad. She does not know how to recognize her emotions and transfers her irritation and dissatisfaction to other people. It seems to her that other people owe her boundless respect only because of her age.
If you try to understand another person even a little, you will realize two things.
First, his anger and malice are logical consequences of himself. This is not to say that they are strictly caused by your actions. Their source is the many internal characteristics of a given person. At the same time, this person himself considers his actions correct and fair! He does not see meanness and evil intent in them.
He does this not because he is somehow evil or mean, but for many, many reasons! Each person’s actions have their own internal reasons! And if these reasons are represented at least a little, we will experience less anger than if we perceive other people’s actions in isolation, in isolation from the reasons that determine them.
In such a context, this act will not be vile, but rather natural. And such actions are much easier to tolerate.
Secondly, it will be easier for you to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and, thanks to this, show more understanding towards him. And if you begin to empathize with a person, feel him, understand that you yourself can experience the same thing that he experiences, then your anger and resentment will go away.
Yes, you are not an old woman, but have you never gotten angry for nothing? Haven't stress at work ever provoked you to take your anger out on others? Have you never been stubborn, not admitting your own guilt, which took place?
Perhaps in your case the irritation never reached such a limit (although who knows), but still, you probably experienced something similar. Therefore, you can understand it. Remembering that you yourself experienced such emotions, you realize that you are not ideal and the behavior that you condemn is also characteristic of you, although perhaps not in such an acute form.
Very often, people who criticize others for their shortcomings themselves have similar shortcomings.
Therefore, before you get annoyed by other people's actions, try to understand the person and put yourself in his place. Think about it, have you never behaved in a similar way yourself?
Speaking about the reasons that determine behavior, I was not trying to say that people are not to blame for anything, since their actions are always dictated by the state of their psyche. On the contrary, I take the position that a person himself is responsible for his actions. At this point, I spoke exclusively about understanding motives, about empathy, and not about removing responsibility from someone.
Approach people with a sense of humor
I have noticed how much my perception of the shortcomings of some people I have known for a long time has changed. If before they irritated me and even infuriated me, now I began to treat them kindly and with humor.
I was very pleased with this change in me, since I felt that thanks to this I did not fall into anger and maintained my good mood and goodwill. It's much better than being angry!
Therefore, now I try to treat other people's shortcomings with a kind laugh. When I talk about approaching people with humor, I mean kind, slightly condescending affection, and not contemptuous and arrogant ridicule.
I used to hate other people's boasting. I thought: “what does he think about himself, what does he allow himself?” And now the same people give me only positive emotions. I enjoy watching them, and I see their boastfulness as an amusing quality rather than an annoying flaw. And the feelings that arise in me are more reminiscent of affection for the child’s behavior than frustration.
Notice how funny and a little ridiculous people are in their weaknesses. Notice that you yourself can be funny and funny. Find reasons for humor, not for indignation.
Don't get hung up on criticism
I know from my own experience that you can get very carried away by criticizing other people. Our imperfect mind finds some secret pleasure in endlessly blaming other people and discussing their shortcomings. We tend to look for reasons to tell ourselves that others are somehow worse than us.
If you get carried away with criticizing others and their shortcomings, then people will turn into walking shortcomings for you. If you look at the bad sides of people for a long time, they will take on grandiose proportions for you, and you will not notice anything good behind them.
Stop criticizing, “washing bones”, gossiping behind your back and weaving intrigues. It won't make you happier!
Notice all the good things in people!
Being calmer, more harmonious, joyful and, as a result, more tolerant of people will help you.
The famous commandment “love your neighbor” is a high spiritual guideline for me. And I want it to be the same for you, regardless of your religion. It's not easy to love people. Love for one's neighbor should be cultivated and developed within oneself for a long time. And the source of this love will not be other people, but you yourself. When you, these feelings will begin to be projected onto the entire outside world!
Conclusion
In conclusion, I would like to say once again that you do not need to endure any circumstances. If the situation cannot be tolerated, then try to solve it. Focus specifically on solving the problem, not on frustration or insults.
Try to change circumstances, first of all, and only then prove something to someone. If someone offends you at work, focus your energy on ensuring that this does not happen again, instead of taking revenge on the offender and aggravating the conflict.
Be calm, do not allow the anger of others to incite anger and other negative emotions in yourself. Don't let random people decide what your mood will be.
Look for effective ways to resolve conflicts. Problems with other people can either be solved by influencing other people, or ignored, or eliminated the problem from your life, or eliminate the problem in yourself.
There are several options other than “just endure.” Which one to choose, decide for yourself, based on your experience, reason and intuition. The main thing is less feelings. Be constructive, not emotional. And then your mind will tell you the right decision.
Let's imagine that you are reading these lines, sitting comfortably in your home somewhere in a cozy corner. Suddenly the phone rings. Due to established habits and accumulated life experience, this is a signal for you, an irritant that you have learned to obey. As a rule, without thinking or making a special decision, you react: get up from a comfortable chair and rush to the telephone.
The external stimulus thus managed to set you in motion. He changed your previous mental attitude and the direction of your actions. After all, you are prepared to sit quietly and read for a while. Internally, you are already tuned in to this. And now your reaction to an external stimulus upset all your plans.
Having said the above, I would like to draw your attention to one important circumstance: You are not obligated to respond to a phone call. You can, if you wish, ignore it completely. You can continue to sit quietly and comfortably, keeping your original intentions intact, all you have to do is not react to the signal.
Try to imprint the above hypothetical episode on your mind as clearly as possible, for it will greatly help you learn to maintain peace of mind. Imagine that you are sitting calmly and comfortably, ignoring a phone call, remaining indifferent to it. You are still aware of the presence of the signal, but you no longer pay attention to it, you do not obey it. You need to clearly understand the fact that the external signal itself has no power over you, it does not have the power to move you from your place. Previously, you responded, reacted to it only because of an established habit, but you are able to develop a new habit of not reacting to this signal.
Notice that by refusing to respond, you are not making an effort, you are not resisting or fighting, you are simply not doing anything, refraining from doing something, remaining calm, leaving the challenge unanswered.
Just as we are accustomed to automatically respond to the telephone ringing, we become accustomed to respond in a certain way to various stimuli coming from the outside.
While still at school, we had the opportunity to learn about I.P. Pavlov’s experiments with the development of various conditioned reflexes in animals. Let us remind you of one experiment with a dog, which the scientist trained to secrete gastric juice at the sound of a bell. Every time, before placing the feeder with food, they rang a bell. The procedure was repeated many times in a row. First - the sound of a bell, after a few seconds - food. The dog learned to respond to the bell by secreting gastric juice in anticipation of food. The sound signaled food, and the dog responded accordingly. However, after a certain time, the dog began to secrete juice simply in response to this signal, regardless of whether it was followed by food. She is used to responding only to a stimulus signal. And although such a reaction no longer made any sense and was completely useless, the dog continued to react in the same way due to the established habit.
In our habitat there are a great variety of bells- stimuli to which we are accustomed and to which we continue to react, without thinking whether such a reaction makes any sense.
Some, for example, are afraid of strangers, because even as children they were constantly told to stay away from strangers (“Don’t take candy from someone else’s uncle,” “Don’t get into a stranger’s car,” etc.). For children, the habit of avoiding strangers is a healthy response. But many, even as adults, continue to feel embarrassed and awkward in the presence of any stranger, even if they know that this person came not as an enemy, but as a friend. Strangers have turned into a bell, to which, according to established habit, they react with fear or a desire to avoid contact.
Other people are afraid of crowds, closed or, on the contrary, open spaces, people in power. In each case, the corresponding stimulus acts as a signal, causing a feeling of fear, anxiety, and a desire to escape. And every time we obediently react in the usual way, we respond “to the sound of the bell.”
A habitual reaction, or the so-called conditioned reflex, can be erased, if you learn not to react, remaining calm, just like in the case of the phone. When faced with any negative stimulus, you should repeat to yourself: “The phone is ringing, but I don’t have to answer. Let him call himself." And if, while mentally saying this phrase, you imagine yourself sitting calmly, without tension, doing nothing and not reacting in any way to the phone call, then this technique will help you maintain peace of mind and emotional balance.
I'll only worry tomorrow
It may happen that in the process of eliminating the conditioned reflex, someone will not be able to completely ignore the “bell” at first, especially if it rings unexpectedly. In such situations, you can achieve the same result by delaying the response to the signal.
Remember what Scarlett O'Hara did in the novel Gone with the Wind. She used to say, “I won’t worry today. I’ll worry about it tomorrow.” In this way, by delaying reaction, she was able to maintain peace of mind and successfully cope with circumstances, despite war, fire, illness, unrequited love.
Delaying a reaction interrupts or disrupts the automaticity of habit acquisition. The advice to “count to ten” when you feel irritation coming on is based on the same principle and is very useful if you count slowly, effectively delaying the reaction that is associated with muscle tension. You cannot feel irritation or fear when your muscles are completely relaxed. Therefore, if you are able to postpone the feeling of irritation for ten seconds, and then completely postpone the reaction, then you can completely erase the conditioned reflex.
The Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius used to say that people are constantly looking for some kind of refuge for themselves: a house in the countryside, on the seashore or in the mountains. But a person can find if he wants refuge in yourself. Nowhere will a person find refuge so quietly and easily as in his own soul, especially if he carries images within himself, looking at which he instantly gains complete calm, and calm is nothing more than proper order in his thoughts. This is what Marcus Aurelius thought.
In the final months of World War II, someone asked President Harry Truman why he endured the hardships and strains of the presidency better than any of his predecessors, and how it was that in this difficult post he retained his youth, energy, vitality, if keep in mind the many problems that a president has to face in wartime? In response, Truman said that he has a kind of refuge in his head, where he periodically retires to rest and recuperate, and where he isolates himself from all worries and worries.
Each of us needs such a refuge - a quiet corner within ourselves, similar to the depths of the ocean, which are always motionless and calm even in the strongest storm on the surface.
This relaxation room, created by our imagination, can relieve tension, anxiety, psychological stress, restore strength, allowing you to better cope with everyday worries.
In each of us there is a hidden center that is always at rest, like the center point of the axis of a moving wheel. You only need to discover this center within yourself and go there from time to time to rest, recuperate and replenish your vital energy reserves.
“Build” a small cozy room for yourself. Hang your favorite paintings on the walls there, paint the walls in soothing colors that are pleasant to you (blue, light green, yellow, golden). Furnish the room as you like. Everywhere is clean and in perfect order. The main thing: comfort, tranquility, beauty. And definitely your favorite deep chair. Through a small window you can see a beautiful landscape: for example, a sea beach, onto which slow waves roll, but you can’t hear the sound of the surf, the room is quiet, very quiet.
Build this room in your imagination with no less care than you would build it in reality. Pay attention to every detail, every little thing.
Every day, when you have a few free minutes - whether between business meetings or while traveling on public transport - go to your quiet room. Whenever you begin to feel increasing inner tension, irritation or agitation, retreat to your “quiet abode” for a short time. A few minutes spent in it, even on the most hectic day, will more than reward you. This is not wasted time, but profitably invested time. When necessary, tell yourself: “I need to rest a little. I'm going to my room. I’m already in it.”
Imagine in your mind all the soothing details of the environment: yourself sitting in a comfortable chair, completely relaxed and in an extremely peaceful mood. In this room you are completely safe, nothing can disturb you, there are no worries here, they are left behind the threshold. There is no need to make decisions, rush somewhere, or worry about anything.
We sometimes isolate ourselves from real life, saying “yes” instead of “no”, we hide under an umbrella when it rains, we build a house for ourselves so that we have somewhere to hide from bad weather and adversity. Every year, when we go on vacation, we temporarily leave our usual surroundings, our usual responsibilities, and run away from everything.
Our nervous system also needs rest, it needs to have a secluded place to recuperate and protect itself. The quiet room discussed above will allow you to mentally escape for some period from everyday worries, responsibilities, decision-making and worries.
It should be borne in mind that your automatic mechanism is powerfully influenced not by words, but by images, especially if they have clear symbolism.
First aid supplies
By practicing ignoring the “phone call,” you create a constant internal tranquilizer, placing a psychological umbrella between yourself and irritants. Tell yourself: "Let him call as much as he wants".
By practicing delaying your habitual response, you get rid of the habit of overreacting and erase old conditioned reflexes.
Relaxation- also a natural tranquilizer, it eliminates any reaction. Learn to physically relax during your daily training, and if later in your daily activities a situation arises where you need to ignore something, mentally imagine yourself in a relaxed state.
Stop fighting windmills. React emotionally only to what really exists here and now, and ignore everything else.
Imagine yourself sitting motionless and completely calm, while your colleague spews curses and rages. Or performing their daily duties one by one, one after another, calmly, collectedly, without haste. Or walking leisurely along the road, not paying attention to the feverish rush around and pushing from behind.
Imagine yourself in various situations from your past that used to make you angry, only now without reacting, maintaining calm, self-esteem.
Your psychological thermostat
Our body has a built-in thermostat - also a kind of “autopilot” - that maintains body temperature at a constant level - 36.6 ° C, regardless of whether it is frosty outside or tropical heat.
In the same way, each of us has a unique psychological thermostat, which allows us to maintain an even emotional atmosphere within us, despite changes in the emotional weather around us. Many people do not use such a thermostat because they do not know about its existence and do not suspect that this is possible. Your psychological thermostat is as important to the health of your spirit as your physical thermostat is to the health of your body. There is no need for you to borrow external moods at all. Start using it by following the recommended methods and techniques.
Igor Leonidovich Dobrotvorsky, Doctor of Psychology
1. Don't take what's happening to heart. Life is a mixture of good and bad. If something bad happens to you - past, present or future - accept it as part of life.
This is not a consequence of evil intent directed against you, and it is not God’s punishment sent down on you - life is simply multi-colored and varied. If only good things happened to us, we would learn nothing and our lives would be boring. We all have troubles from time to time. And we all need to deal with it and learn from it.
2. Everything changes. Whatever your current situation, things will change. There is nothing you can do about it, you just have to accept that change is inevitable. When we are afraid of changes, we try to avoid them, our thinking is inhibited, and a feeling of anxiety prevents us from adequately responding to what is happening around us. If we accept that change is inevitable, we can respond to it as something exciting, and then our thinking process remains pure, clear and light.
3. Stop trying to be perfect. It is much more conducive to relaxation and beneficial to accept that we are all not without certain weaknesses and shortcomings. Stop perceiving yourself as a flawed being. If you get rid of everything you perceive as bad, you will lose your individuality. It is very good to improve yourself, but it is useless to try to become perfect.
4. Take the initiative. It's no one's fault that you are who you are. If in a critical situation you are passive and only blame everyone and everything, then this will not change anything. Take the initiative, take positive steps, and you will be able to change the situation for the better. Don't cling to the past - it cannot be changed; think about the future - you can influence it.
5. Stop demanding. Let circumstances guide you instead of trying to control them. Change what you can, and don't waste your energy on the rest.
6. Where are you rushing? See life as a journey. Enjoy it. Take a look around. Try to analyze what life has given you. Savor every episode. And from time to time, allow yourself to do nothing, just watch how events develop.
7. Pay attention to how your body works. Our body really needs care and support. Without good sleep, quality food and regular exercise, it begins to fail early. Listen to his work and correct “problems” without waiting for the entire system to fail. Taking care of your body is not selfish or a waste of time, but a vital necessity.
8. Don't bang your head against the wall. If a situation makes you feel very depressed and unable to change anything, perhaps you should avoid it or respond to it differently. Instead of seeing this situation as a source of frustration, see it as a challenge. You don't have a problem; you have experiences from which you learn. You have no disappointments, you have unique opportunities to improve your skills and abilities. We all experience disappointment at times—when we can't get what we want or make a situation the way we like it. However, good mental relaxation can help us cope with disappointment by developing the right attitude towards the situation - that is, accepting it calmly, as inevitable.
9. Learn to laugh more, laughter helps you recover faster, allows you to better cope with life's dramas and generally improves your health. Pay attention to how often you laugh - not just smile or grin, but laugh heartily, literally to the point of tears. Do this often, there is no need to be too serious.
10. Express your feelings. Learn to talk more about how you feel. Be honest with other people when it comes to your feelings. Don't try to protect others from them. This applies to both positive and negative emotions. If you feel irritated, talk about it. If you feel happy, don’t hide it. Be persistent when you don't want to do something or when you feel like a situation is hurting you.
11. Know what you want. Look ahead and plan what you want to do. Give your life direction. Think about yourself, what is good for you, and try to achieve it. However, do not wish for too much, be realistic and flexible, and make adjustments to your actions if necessary. Make both long-term and short-term plans.
12. Manage your relationships. If you don't invest some of your time and effort into your relationship, it will decline and fall apart. You need to work in this direction. Take care of your relationships - not only with your loved one, but also with friends, work colleagues, acquaintances, family members, relatives, neighbors. At the same time, do not demand too much attention from them. If the relationship reaches a dead end, break it off.
13. Use your time effectively. Leave time for leisure, family, love, entertainment, work, travel, study, to be alone. Make room in your schedule for all of these areas of life, and also leave some time to make plans for the future and check how effectively you are using your time.
14. Look for choice. There are always at least two ways to influence a situation. When you have a choice, there is a feeling of freedom. Consider your options in any situation. Nothing in life is set in stone – there is always an alternative. It may not be entirely pleasant or even unacceptable, and we can discard it, but at least we will be aware that we have made use of the choice, and this gives confidence.
15. Don't be afraid of new things. You are changing all the time. You acquire new interests, new friends. If you are not satisfied with your current situation, move on. Always be ready to explore, new experiences, find yourself in new situations. Learn, try new things, improve your education, read more. Be flexible in your thinking. Don't get stuck in daily routines and habits. The more we experiment, strive for novelty, the more we grow intellectually.
16. Set intellectual and moral standards for yourself. This does not contradict the advice to have a flexible rather than rigid mindset. We need this kind of criteria. In the intellectual sphere there should be a desire to deepen knowledge and acquire new ones, then you will always remain interesting people. Set high moral standards for yourself so that there are reasons to value you as a person. In short, you should always focus on the best.
17. Develop yourself comprehensively. We all need to be able to express our emotions and to have plenty of them; We also need to take care of our health and develop our mental activity. In addition, there should be a spiritual component in our life, which does not mean belonging to any religious denomination - it could be, for example, simply enjoying the beauty of the world around us.
18. Know your limits. Don't take on too much. Be prepared to experience failure from time to time. Forgive yourself when things don't work out for you. Laugh at yourself more often. Stop making excuses.
19. Look at yourself critically. Look at yourself in the mirror, think about what stage of life you are at. How old are you? What does this mean? How relaxed are you? How much positive emotions do you receive? Are you overloaded with work? What kind of relationships do you have with others? Do you like yourself? Are you satisfied with your sex life? What are you afraid of?
20. Treat yourself well. Take time for yourself periodically. Reward yourself, you deserve it. Treat yourself, you earned it. Give yourself pleasure, you need it. Don't wait for others to praise you, praise yourself. Don't wait for others to love you, love yourself. Don't wait for others to take you somewhere to have fun, go and have fun yourself. Have more fun. The more relaxed we are, both mentally and physically, the better company we are with those around us, the better we can cope with life and the more we can help others. The better we feel about ourselves, the more likely we are to want to treat others well. When we are relaxed and welcoming, others will be more willing to be around us.