How to overcome irritability and anger. The best way to get rid of nerves, irritability and stress is to live in nature

Anger and irritation are the scourge of modern man, accompanying him everywhere. We experience negative emotions in public transport, on the street, at a lecture or at work, and when returning home - also while watching TV, the computer and when communicating with family members.

Summary of the article

Experts and some cultural figures considered and still consider these feelings to be detrimental to our psychological and physical health. Aggression weakens the nervous system, drives people into a state of anger, nervousness, leads to stress and nervous breakdowns. Also, a constant state of anger or irritability over small things puts a strain on the internal organs and in particular the liver. Because of this, our body produces more bile, which leads to gradual problems with digestion and gastrointestinal tract. And this is not to mention diseases of the heart, nervous system, etc.

This is why it is so important for men and women to learn to control anger. In the future, this will preserve health and good relationships with others. Primarily with family members, friends and colleagues. During anger, people are not able to sensibly assess the situation, which is why they rush at the first person they meet and offend him in word or deed. And if one of your loved ones often plays the role of a “whipping boy,” the relationship will deteriorate over time or grow into mutual resentment and even hatred.

How does anger appear?

Anger is usually called a negatively colored feeling that arises in a person in response to some kind of “irritant”. Usually this is a domestic situation, injustice, a certain person or group of people. Under the influence of anger, people try in every possible way to eliminate the cause that leads to irritation or rage.

In ancient times, such an emotional process saved our lives and helped us to accumulate in dangerous situations. At the sight of a wild animal or enemy, a person began to feel anger, adrenaline was released into the blood and helped to survive. In the modern world, life has become simpler, there are fewer and fewer dangers in developed countries, so the need for rage has practically disappeared. Except in extreme situations or natural disasters, we no longer need to be angry.

However, there is one problem: tribes lived in the wild for thousands of years, and civilization came to us only a couple of thousand years ago. During this period of time for evolution, the nervous system did not have time to restructure itself. Hence the regular irritation even at relatively insignificant things, anger, rage, etc.

Each person experiences this complex emotional process differently. Some people are more calm and reserved. Usually they naturally look at everything from a philosophical point of view or hide negative feelings under a mask, which is dangerous for the body. If negative energy is not given an outlet, it destroys the body from the inside.

Another category of people, on the contrary, prefers to throw out their anger right away. But this also has an adverse effect on the body. The amount of hormones released into the body wears out the body faster, and also worsens immunity and mood. In addition, good relationships with loved ones, respect from others are lost, and the feeling of guilt grows.

Gradation of anger according to Shrand

Psychologist Joe Shrand proposed a 10-point scale for assessing the degree of anger. With its help, you can understand the cause and strength of your own anger, and then quickly overcome it. In addition to the gradation of anger, the specialist identified 3 main points that “release” angry feelings on others.

  1. People often get angry about financial issues and everything related to them. Usually these are troubles with making money, the hassle of spending too much, the inability to urgently get the required amount, etc.;
  2. Secondly, a person begins to get angry because of his position in society and relationships in society. For example, we get upset because of a careless passenger on public transport who stepped on his foot or pushed him hard and didn’t even apologize. Or difficulties in communicating with classmates, colleagues or boss;
  3. We also lose our temper because of difficult relationships with loved ones and family members. People constantly lash out at children who eat sloppily, at husbands or wives who don’t pay enough attention, and at lecturing parents.

In addition, Shrand identifies 10 stages of anger, which we go through progressively.

  • Minor irritation;
  • Normal irritation;
  • Dissatisfaction with something;
  • Disappointment;
  • Refusal to accept the situation;
  • Malice;
  • Indignation;
  • Cruelty and bitterness;
  • True anger;
  • All-consuming rage.

Now that we know what anger is, how it appears and for what reasons, we need to learn how to deal with it. Experts recommend various ways to manage and deal with anger, which are used effectively and help to get rid of negative emotions. Check them all out and choose the one that suits you best.

  • Release tension through movement – ​​active movement is the best way to eliminate bad energy. This could be cycling, brisk walking or general cleaning of the apartment;
  • Play sports - men and women can easily get rid of irritation and anger in the gym. With the help of hardware, running or fitness, a person uses the adrenaline from rage to good effect, begins to feel better and is distracted by a new action;
  • Play loud music - it could be rock, hip-hop or even blasting classical music. Just choose the loudest track from the list that matches your level of anger, turn up the volume as loud as you can and scream. This expressive method will allow you to “shed” a ton of negativity, calm down and allow you not to rush at others or indulge in self-criticism;
  • Get rid of guilt - a paradox, but a common cause of anger is precisely the feeling of guilt. People become irritated or angry because they didn’t do something or didn’t have time to do something. First, understand what action or word leads to anger, and then eliminate the cause. If you are annoyed because you don’t know how to say “no,” your friends take advantage of your kindness, or you are afraid to take the initiative, then it is enough to do the opposite. Value your time and energy, put your own interests first, and at the first sign of resentment on the part of your comrades, do not allow yourself to be pressured into pity;
  • Punching pillow – Buy yourself a punching pillow or a punching bag that you can hit when you first get angry. This will defuse the situation and allow you to control unwanted emotions. And just in case, you will practice your forehand and backhand for emergency situations (you never know what will happen in life);
  • Don't ignore - never turn a blind eye to problems and causes of anger. This will have a negative impact in the future, and such feelings do not disappear on their own. Even if it seems that everything has passed, everything is not so. Sooner or later, the accumulated irritation will burst out like an avalanche and cover everything around;
  • Write a letter - express everything that has been bothering you lately and causing unpleasant feelings in writing. Take a piece of paper or open a test document on your computer and talk about everything honestly and openly. Then you can save the letter or destroy it in any convenient way. No one will ever read your innermost thoughts, but at the same time they will not eat your soul from the inside.

As you know, uncontrolled feelings of anger can cause very serious conflicts with other people. However, even if you suppress your anger and thereby avoid external conflicts, you are faced with the problem of internal conflict - because you are entering into a battle with yourself. This struggle can become quite painful and lead to serious mental or physical health complications. There is an opinion that women experience anger more often than men and have a more difficult time coping with it. Scientists, however, say the opposite.

According to psychologists, women are more likely to find constructive approaches to control their anger (for example, sitting down and thinking things through).

Dealing with anger is not an easy task, because it is one of the most powerful human emotions. Anger-inducing situations, such as being accused of something you didn't do or being lied to to your face, lead to a surge of adrenaline, increased blood pressure, increased heart rate, and other physiological responses associated with stress. The body is preparing to fight or retreat to save life.

Deal with hostility, not anger!

Stop and think. If you don't feel able to handle your anger, stop the moment you feel your heart rate racing with anger, and don't do anything until you've given yourself time to think. Waiting a little is not at all the same as suppressing anger. Suppression is ignoring the problem; you need to stop and think and only then take on the solution to the problem.

Admit that you are angry. Don't suppress your anger, but don't inflate it either. This only increases the tension.

The ideal solution is a constructive solution to the problem that caused your anger. As psychologists' studies show, people who constantly suppress their anger or vent over trifles have a greater risk of developing cardiovascular diseases, weakened immunity and other health problems. Leave the “scene”, in your imagination or physically. If you happen to overhear your co-workers saying something nasty about you in the cafeteria, step out for a few minutes. If your boss criticizes you in a meeting where you can't just get up and leave, imagine yourself leaving the room somewhere calmer.

Analyze your emotions. Ask yourself what exactly caused your anger. Think about other people's intentions, what extraneous factors might have triggered the situation, and what your contribution (if any) might have been to it. This alone can dispel your anger.

If, for example, someone cuts you off on the road, think that perhaps this someone is rushing home to a sick child. Or maybe you are driving too slowly and disturbing others?

Speak up. Take the time to speak out. Speak calmly and choose your words carefully. Avoid statements like “you made me angry.” These types of accusatory remarks put the other person on the defensive, making conflict resolution even more difficult. Try to respond politely with your emotions.

Talk to yourself. Sometimes you can't tell the person you're angry at why exactly you're angry at them. You can't badmouth the driver who cut you off, or your old mother who suffers from Alzheimer's disease, or our unstable boss who yelled at you in front of others.

As for your mom or dad, reasoning may be the best balm. Reminding yourself that she or he really has no control over what she says can quickly calm you down.

How to deal with feelings of anger towards your boss?

If he yelled at you, then this shows that he has some problems, not you. Perhaps you made some mistake, but that is no reason for him to flare up like that - he could politely tell us about it.

Move around. Since neck-trigger situations trigger a powerful physiological response in our bodies, getting outside and stretching your muscles through intense exercise can be a great way to curb angry feelings. When psychologists asked 308 men and women in a scientific study what they did to improve a bad mood, the most popular answer was: “Get moving.”

Learn to cope with your character, otherwise it will cope with you!

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How to deal with anger? I think we ask ourselves this question every time after we experience this anger. The question is really difficult - how to control yourself? How to deal with anger? Each of us experiences anger from time to time. We all deal with it differently. But I think that any of us are familiar with remorse, a feeling of regret about ruined relationships, about the loss of our own harmony and good mood. Therefore, today we will try to define what anger is and how to deal with anger.

What is anger?

The nature of anger is very ancient and goes back to animals (if, of course, you believe Darwin:). In case of danger, a person had to react quickly: run or attack. This required a strong release of energy and adrenaline. Anger thus helped the survival of the human race. In case of physical danger today, anger still plays the same positive protective role, but most often a person has to use it in other situations - in case of psychological danger. With psychological danger, there is no such great need for anger, at least in those emotional and physical processes that accompany it. But anger still arises, and a person has to fight it.

Why is it necessary to deal with anger?

A person who is often angry and does not know how to control his emotions faces an unenviable future. The constant uncontrolled release of hormones and the killing of nerve cells lead to diseases of the digestive and circulatory systems. The body wears out faster, and the harmonious functioning of systems is disrupted. The deterioration in mood that occurs after an outburst of anger contributes to the blow to the immune system.

On a psychological level, anger is like a boomerang. We throw out negative emotions, but they come back to us. We lose a lot of energy and it takes a lot of effort to restore it later.

And most importantly, we lose relationships with loved ones, the closest people, self-respect, and suffer losses in business. You can't list everything.

Anger is devastating. It is the opposite of joy, which fills and enriches.

In general, you need to fight anger! This is where the fun begins :) And how?

Basic ways to deal with anger.

There are two main ways to deal with anger:

  • with its manifestations (external method),
  • at the level of the mechanisms of its occurrence (internal method).

In general, both of these methods are preventive and are aimed at preventing outbursts of anger at the earliest stage of their occurrence. The earlier the impact begins, the easier it is to cope with anger.

External methods work effectively when anger is just beginning. Dissatisfaction, an unpleasant feeling, a desire to protect oneself, one’s values ​​and feelings appear. At this stage, you can politely tell the person who is causing such feelings: “I don’t like this,” or signal in a different way. Spouses have many such signals, and parents too. For example, if my eldest son doesn’t listen, I start counting loudly: “One, two...” I usually don’t have time to get to three. Sasha quickly begins to do what her mother asks:)

If a person does not know how to outwardly express his feelings and explain, then external methods of dealing with anger are ineffective for him. He immediately begins to burn inside and then there is no time for politeness. Run around the corners!!!

The internal way to deal with anger is to understand the mechanisms of its occurrence and the ability to distract yourself and calm down when anger has already arisen. This method of struggle is multi-stage.

The most important thing, in my opinion, in dealing with anger is to understand that anger brings nothing but destruction. It gives short-term relief, a release of negative emotions, but then drags you into the abyss of negativity. And with it all that is dear to you. If you understand this, then finding ways to manage your anger will be much easier.

What to do when anger has already taken hold of you?

The best cure for anger when it overtakes you is to do nothing. The main thing at this moment is to calm down.

Here three best ways to calm down:

  1. Grab your earlobe and count to ten. If you don't have a lobe or it seems inappropriate to grab it, count your inhalations and exhalations to the beat of your heart. The point of this activity is to distract yourself from angry thoughts. If your thought is occupied with something else, then your anger will soon go away.
  2. Isolate yourself: run to the toilet or kitchen, lock yourself in your office. Do something. Home activities are great: washing, cleaning. Check your email.
  3. Do some exercise, that is, direct the energy to its intended purpose: you can do push-ups, hit a punching bag, or walk down the street. At the same time, it is very useful to mentally repeat what you are doing. This helps to distract you from the thoughts that caused your anger.

All this will work if you are determined to conquer your anger. If you like to be angry, then you will continue to do it until one day you realize that life is much more pleasant without it. Both for you and your loved ones.

What contributes to anger?

You've probably noticed that the same situation, a taunt from a partner, a child's spilled soup, or your own awkward actions can affect you differently. One time you don’t pay much attention to it, turn it all into a joke, and another time you flare up like a match. Why is this happening?

Throughout the day, week, month, we are in different emotional states. If we feel optimal: we’ve slept, rested, emotionally recharged, then even the passenger who crushed your foot with her heel in a crowded subway and scolded you for it cannot knock you out of the saddle. And if you haven’t had enough sleep, you’re returning tired from work, after a hassle caused by your boss, and there’s no way to relax at home, then hang in there, passenger! And everyone else too!

Therefore, it is very important to love yourself and take care of yourself in order to prevent outbursts of anger. I wrote how to sleep less and more efficiently. Read about how to properly structure your day in order to have time to live and work at full capacity.

How not to become infected with anger.

It is easy to become infected with anger if you are surrounded by people who constantly provoke you into anger. This could be a spouse, work colleagues, children. Word after word, and you are on the old warpath. Gradually, a certain habit of interaction arises. It's like a dance. How to learn another dance? There is only one way - to give up the old habit and develop a new one. That is, one partner must introduce new dance movements.

If you always immediately responded with resistance, anger, aggression, do the opposite - remain silent. This works against both children and adults. After the first small victory over yourself and the situation, try to immediately describe out loud how you feel: “I’m very upset that...”, “Baby, mom doesn’t understand what you need if you scream.” You need to say this while looking straight into your eyes. If you can’t say it calmly, write.

If you have successfully dealt with anger, that is, you have not allowed it to have a destructive effect, but negative emotions still continue to eat away at you, then you need to speak out. Call someone. Personal psychologist. To a friend. Mom. To someone who is not the source of your anger.

If you don’t want to burden others with your problems, confess to paper or a computer. Write in your diary. He will endure everything.

When the emotions have found their way out, then you can take on the solution to the deeper problems underlying the anger.

The root of anger.

Eastern philosophy explains anger as attachment. If a person is attached by thoughts to cleanliness, then he will be annoyed by the sloppiness of others. If a person is attached to his own value system and considers it correct (“I am right, not you”), then it will be extremely difficult for him to accept something that does not fit into it. If a person is attached to his ego, then he becomes proud. He knows what is right, and everything that is wrong irritates him and causes him anger. Perhaps a person is right, but he himself has to live with this “correctness” and the paradox is that it harms him. Exactly what regularly causes anger and irritation. That is why the easiest way to deal with anger and irritation is to accept other people as equals, regardless of how old they are, what their status is, or whether they have education or not. Accepting the idea that there is no correct system and way of thinking for everyone; each person has his own system and his own goals in life. Understanding and accepting them is the basis for dealing with your own anger.

In relationships that cause anger, there is always an object. If you work on this subject: read about it, talk constructively, ask how others solve such a problem, then the basis of the dispute and with it the basis of anger disappears.

How to deal with anger is now clear. Now we need to learn how to put this into practice. In order not to be unfounded, I will conduct a week-long experiment. I also have something to work on. I can't always control myself when it comes to children, and this really upsets me. Therefore, I declare open war on anger and in a week I will publish “How to deal with anger.” Good luck to everyone in the fight against anger!

Personally, I have already sifted through a lot of materials on this issue, especially with regard to relationships with children. I found the best free and paid materials on how to cope with anger and communicate with disobedient children on the website k.psych. Sciences Elena Pyatnitskaya, who specializes in these issues. She has free training and books. Highly recommend.

Sincerely,

In the modern rhythm of life, we increasingly lose control over ourselves, our nervous system is shaken and this is due to many negative factors:

  • chronic fatigue,
  • health problems,
  • constant rush,
  • unacceptable noise level,
  • overabundance of visual impressions, etc.

Staying calm and not getting irritated is becoming more and more difficult. And the more often we experience irritation, the more obsessive the need to pour it out on someone becomes.

Those who want to break out of this vicious circle and learn to overcome anger and irritability should pay attention to the book by the famous psychologist Ekaterina Burmistrova “Irritability. Methodology of overcoming" (Nikeya publishing house).

The book is addressed to “those who want to build a happy family,” and this is no coincidence: it is our loved ones who suffer first from our irritability and anger. Although the habit of letting off steam every now and then can ruin relationships with anyone - relatives, colleagues and friends. In addition, when we get irritated, we experience a feeling of guilt after the fact and, due to frequent outbursts of anger, we may even lose faith in ourselves. These emotions leave behind an unpleasant aftertaste; you may consider yourself the worst wife, the worst mother in the world, an unsuccessful employee, or an incompetent leader.

Ladder of aggression: how irritability and anger are related

Dealing with irritability is not easy, but psychologists advise doing this as early as possible, because irritation and dissatisfaction are just the first steps in the so-called ladder of aggression. This is followed by anger, rude insulting shouts and finally assault. Therefore, irritability can gradually develop into anger and physical violence.

How to deal with irritability

Step 1: Identify regulatory conflicts

Before you start fighting irritability, you need to understand its nature and determine in what situations it usually occurs. And the first thing you should pay attention to is regulatory conflicts. These are the same “rake” that we step on every day. These are clashes that are repeated day after day or week after week over the same issue. For example, every morning children get ready for school slower than necessary. You are late for work, and as a result you become nervous and irritable.

Carefully observe yourself for two to three weeks and meticulously record in a notebook the situations that cause you negative emotions.

Then psychologists advise forming a preliminary reaction, that is, preparing internally and not allowing anger to freely take over you at a critical moment.

Step 2. Observe the change in emotional state

The next important step is to record the moment of “emotional transition”: observe when and how exactly your state changes. For example, you were just calm, talking to everyone evenly and kindly, but a minute later you break into a scream...

Almost everyone can analyze the development of a situation in which irritation arises, but this requires a certain methodical approach. The best option is to record the results of your observations on paper, otherwise a mess will inevitably arise in your head. It is important to understand not only what is happening to you, but also how this process occurs. Usually an obsessive thought begins to take over the consciousness: “That’s it, I can’t stand it anymore!” – and now anger covers us like a muddy wave. For some people, the preliminary sensation is certain physical symptoms - for example, breathing and heart rate increase, cheeks turn red and fists reflexively clench. Someone begins to excitedly pace around the room, touching surrounding objects, or grabs a cigarette as if it were a life preserver.”

Having determined the moment of “emotional transition”, try to hold on for 3-5 seconds and balance on the verge of breakdown. All known methods of dealing with one’s own irritability are, to a greater or lesser extent, based on the fact that a person stops acting on the principle of immediate response. Sometimes a few seconds are enough to pull yourself together.

If you still miss the moment, it is useful to remember that usually the anger subsides no later than after 30-40 minutes. At this time, it is better not to do anything and prefer silence to any action.

Step 3: Understand the True Nature of Your Negative Emotions

“Understanding the true causes of negative emotions is the key to success in overcoming them. It’s good if you also manage to clearly formulate these reasons,” writes Ekaterina Burmistrova. Main reasons:

  • hereditary anger.“For some people, the understanding that they inherited their irritability makes them decisively resist it,” says the author.
  • a state of chronic nervous overload.“In itself, a sober, critical attitude towards stress-generating collisions may well reduce the number and intensity of our angry outbursts,” the psychologist is sure. It is worth recognizing your fatigue and exhaustion and understanding that in such a state it is simply impossible not to be irritated.
  • redirected anger.“The irritation we pour out on others is usually redirected from some other, much less unrequited object. For example, you are ready to tear your husband to pieces, but shouting “in the other direction” unconsciously seems much safer to you, the book explains. - Or you have problems at work, but then toys scattered on the floor turn up, and anger is released at the child. Such redirects must be carefully monitored!”

Helpful advice: you should always remember that anger is a secondary feeling and it comes from experiences of a completely different kind - pain, fear or resentment. Observe yourself, and you will see that behind every angry outburst there is actually one of the suffering emotions “hidden”.

Step 4. Don't expect instant success

Only gradual, barely noticeable changes can really change things for the better over time. “The process of harmonization of the internal state can be characterized by the well-known formulation “one step forward, two steps back,” writes Ekaterina Burmistrova. “The ability to deal with feelings must be learned patiently.”

Don’t think that the goal of fighting anger is to last a week or a month without a breakdown. It is much more important to change yourself, and this process can take many months, or even years. Your task is to learn not to suppress anger in yourself (after a while it will still burst out in a new destructive outbreak), but to express your negative emotions in mature, positive ways. Anger is quite manageable: you can address the object that caused negative emotions politely, expressing the main complaint without evasion and using logical thinking, and not physical strength or a wide vocabulary.

Step 5. Celebrate even the smallest victories

Praise is a much more effective method than self-flagellation. If you fix your attention only on shortcomings and losses, this will inevitably lead to new outbursts of anger.

“Life teaches us to notice only our mistakes and failures, without noting small, but nevertheless very significant victories. Unfortunately, the ability to enjoy good things is not inherent in everyone: such a state requires a certain emotional culture, which we are deprived of, says the psychologist. “If you managed to take even a small step in the right direction, since you were able to determine the nature of your irritability and learned to control it at least a little, then a good start has been made.”

How to deal with anger? What to do with outbursts of aggression and irritation? How to learn to control your emotions? How many times in our lives have we asked ourselves this question... “I feel rage throughout my body, I need to learn how to deal with this anger and anger, but I don’t know how.” “I physically feel how in certain situations everything seems to explode inside me.”This is what people say when they are asked what exactly is going on in their head (or body) during an attack of anger. In this article, psychologist Mairena Vazquez will give you 11 practical tips for every day on how to cope with your anger.

How to deal with anger. Tips for every day

We have all experienced anger in our lives as a result of something situations out of control, personal problems that upset us, due to fatigue, uncertainty, envy, unpleasant memories, because of situations that we cannot accept, and even because of some people whose behavior we do not like or irritate us... Sometimes failures and the collapse of life plans can also cause frustration, anger and aggression. What is anger?

Anger - This is a negative emotional reaction of a violent nature (emotion), which can be accompanied by both biological and psychological changes. The intensity of anger varies from a feeling of dissatisfaction to rage or rage.

When we experience anger, our cardiovascular system suffers, our blood pressure rises, we sweat, our heart rate and breathing become faster, our muscles tense, we blush, we experience problems with sleep and digestion, we cannot think and reason rationally...

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At the physiological level anger is associated with a number of chemical reactions that occur in our brain. To summarize:

When something makes us angry or irritates us, amygdala(the part of the brain responsible for processing and storing emotions) turns to (which is also responsible for our mood) for help. At this moment it begins to release adrenalin to prepare our body for a possible threat. Therefore, when we are irritated or angry, our heart rate increases and our senses become heightened.

All emotions are necessary, useful and play a certain role in our lives. Yes, anger is necessary and useful because it helps us respond to any situation that we perceive as a threat, and also gives us the ability to resist any circumstance that disrupts our plans. It gives the necessary courage and energy and reduces the feeling of fear, which allows us to better cope with troubles and injustice.

Very often anger hides behind other emotions (sadness, pain, fear...) and manifests itself as a kind of defense mechanism. Anger is a very strong emotion that becomes a problem when we are unable to control it. Uncontrolled anger can destroy a person or even his environment, preventing him from thinking rationally and encouraging aggressive and violent behavior. Excessive anger can be detrimental to both physical and mental health, disrupt a person's social relationships, and generally significantly reduce their quality of life.

Types of Anger

Anger can manifest itself in three different ways:

  1. ANGER AS A TOOL: sometimes, when we cannot achieve a goal, we use violence as an “easy way” to achieve what we want. In other words, we use rage and violence as a tool to achieve our goals. Anger as a tool is typically used by people with poor self-control and poor communication skills. However, we must remember that there are other methods of persuasion.
  2. ANGER AS DEFENSE: We experience anger in situations where we intuitively interpret other people's comments or behavior as an attack, insult, or complaint against us. We become offended (often for no apparent reason) and feel an uncontrollable urge to attack. How? Using anger, which is a big mistake. In difficult situations it is better to remain calm.
  3. EXPLOSION OF ANGER: if we endure for a long time some situations that we consider unfair, we suppress our emotions, trying to restrain ourselves further, we find ourselves in a dangerous vicious circle, from which we get out only when we can no longer endure it. In this case, that very “last drop” is enough to “fill the cup.” In other words, in a situation where we have been patient for too long, even the smallest event can trigger an outburst of anger. Our patience “bursts”, forcing us to anger and violence, we boil... like a kettle.

People who experience anger frequently tend to have specific personal qualities, such as: (they cannot understand that their desires cannot always be satisfied at their first request, these are very self-centered people), because of which they are not confident in themselves and do not control their emotions, lack of empathy(they cannot put themselves in the shoes of another person) and high (they do not think before they act), etc.

The way children are raised also influences how they manage their anger as adults. It is important to teach children to express their emotions from a very early age so that they learn to cope with them as best they can. In addition, teach children not to react aggressively to certain situations, and prevent the child from developing “emperor syndrome.” Family environment also matters: it has been noted that people who are less able to control their anger come from problematic families in which there is a lack of emotional closeness. .

How to control anger. Anger is an emotional reaction that can be accompanied by biological and psychological changes

How to get rid of anger and learn to control it? How to overcome irritation and attacks of aggression? The natural intuitive reaction to anger and anger is some kind of aggressive, violent action - we can start screaming, break something or throw something... However, this is NOT the best solution. Read on! 11 tips to calm your anger.

1. Be aware of the situation or circumstances that may trigger your anger.

You may experience feelings of anger or rage in some extreme situation, but it is important to learn how to manage it. To learn how to manage anger, you need to understand in general what problems/situations irritate you the most, how you can avoid them (i.e. these very specific circumstances), how to do it in the best way, etc. In other words, learn to work with your own reactions.

Carefully! When I talk about avoiding situations and people, I mean very specific examples. We cannot spend our entire lives avoiding absolutely all people and situations that make us feel uncomfortable. If we completely avoid such moments, we will not be able to resist them.

How to deal with anger: It is vital to understand that violence and aggression will get you nowhere, in fact, it can make the situation worse and even make you feel worse. Pay special attention to your reactions (you begin to feel anxious, your heart feels like it's about to jump out of your chest and you are unable to control your breathing) so that you can take action in time.

2. Be careful with your words when you are angry. Cross out the words “never” and “always” from your speech.

When we are angry, we can say things that would not have occurred to us in a normal state. Once you calm down, you won't feel the same way, so be careful what you say. Each of us is the master of our silence and the slave of our words.

How to deal with anger: you need to learn to reflect on the situation, look at it as objectively as possible. Try not to use these two words: "never" And "Always". When you become angry and start thinking, “I always get angry when this happens,” or “I never succeed,” you are making a mistake. Try by all means to be objective and look at things optimistically. Life is a mirror that reflects our thoughts. If you look at life with a smile, it will smile back at you.

3. When you feel like you're on edge, take a deep breath.

We all need to be aware of our limits. Nobody knows you better than yourself. Obviously, every day we can encounter situations, people, events that can throw us off track...

How to deal with anger: when you feel like you can’t take it anymore, that you’re on the edge, take a deep breath. Try to distance yourself from the situation. For example, if you are at work, go to the toilet, if at home, take a relaxing shower to calm your thoughts... Take the so-called "time-out". This really helps in stressful moments. If you can get out of town, allow yourself to do so, escape from the daily routine and try not to think about what makes you angry. Find a way to calm down. A great option is going out into nature. You will see how nature and fresh air affect your brain.

The most important thing is to distract yourself, abstract yourself from the situation until it calms down, in order to avoid aggressive reactions and not do something that you may later regret. If you feel like crying, cry. Crying pacifies anger and sadness. You'll understand why crying can be good for your mental health.

Maybe you are in a bad mood due to depression? Check it out with CogniFit!

Neuropsychological

4. Do you know what cognitive restructuring is?

The method is widely used in psychology cognitive restructuring. It's about replacing our inappropriate thoughts (such as our interpretations of other people's intentions) with more useful ones. In other words, you need replace with a positive one. This way we can quickly eliminate the discomfort caused by various situations or circumstances, and the anger will quickly pass.

Example: you need to meet with a work colleague whom you don’t really like. You waited for an hour before he finally showed up. Since this person is unpleasant to you, you begin to think about how irresponsible he is, and that he was late on purpose to “annoy” you, and you notice that you are overcome with anger.

How to deal with anger: you need to learn not to think that others are doing things to harm you. Give them a chance, put yourself in their shoes. If you allow the person to explain, you will understand that the reason for his lateness was valid (in this particular example). Try to act intelligently and objectively.

5. Learn relaxation and breathing techniques to better manage your anger.

It is important to once again remind you how important breathing is in moments of tension, anxiety, anger...

How to deal with anger: Proper breathing will help relieve tension and put your thoughts in order. Close your eyes, slowly count to 10, and don't open them until you feel yourself starting to calm down. Breathe deeply and slowly, try to clear your mind, free it of negative thoughts... little by little. The most common breathing techniques are abdominal breathing and Jacobson progressive muscle relaxation.

If you still find it difficult to relax, imagine some pleasant, calm picture, landscape in your mind, or listen to music that relaxes you. How to stay calm?

Besides, try to get enough sleep at night (at least 7-8 hours), since rest and sleep contribute to better control of emotions, improve our mood and reduce irritability.

6. Social skills will help you deal with anger. You control your anger, not the other way around.

The daily situations we encounter require us to be able to behave appropriately with other people. It is important to be able not only to listen to others, but also to be able to carry on a conversation, to thank if they helped us, to help ourselves and to give others the opportunity to give us help and support when we need it, to be able to respond correctly to criticism, no matter how unpleasant it may be...

How to deal with anger: To manage anger and better control it, it is important to be able to correctly interpret the information around us, to be able to listen to other people, to act under different circumstances, to accept criticism and not to let frustration take over us. In addition, you need to be careful with unjustified accusations against others. Treat others the way you would like to be treated.

7. How to control anger if it is caused by another person

Often our anger is provoked not by events, but by people. Avoid toxic people!

In this case, it is recommended to move away from such a person until you cool down if you feel that the situation is heating up. Remember that when you harm others, you first of all harm yourself, and this is exactly what you need to avoid.

How to deal with anger: express your dissatisfaction quietly and calmly. The more convincing person is not the one who screams loudest, but the one who is able to express his feelings adequately, calmly and reasonably, outlining problems and possible ways to solve them. It is very important to behave like an adult and be able to listen to the other person’s opinion and even find a compromise (whenever possible).

8. Exercise will help you “reset” negative energy and get rid of bad thoughts.

When we move or engage in physical activity, we release endorphins that help us calm down. This is another way to manage anger.

How to control anger: Move, do any exercise... Go up and down the stairs, clean the house, go outside for a run, take a bike and ride around the city... anything that can somehow increase adrenaline.

There are people who, in a fit of anger, begin to rush and hit whatever they can get their hands on. If you feel an overwhelming urge to hit something to quickly release energy, try purchasing a punching bag or something similar.

9. A good way to “let go of your thoughts” is writing.

It would seem that, How can it help if you start writing things down? Especially if you just had a serious fight with your loved one?

How to deal with anger: at the moment of anger, our thoughts are chaotic, and we are not able to concentrate on the situation that irritates us. Perhaps keeping a diary will help you figure out what angers you the most, how exactly you feel it, in what situations you are most vulnerable, how you should and should not act in response, how you felt after... As time passes, you will be able compare your experiences and memories to understand what all these events have in common.

Example: “I can’t do this anymore. I just had a fight with my boyfriend because I can't stand it when he calls me rude. Now I feel very bad because I yelled at him and slammed the door and left the room. I am ashamed of my behavior.” In this particular case, the girl, after reading her entry, will understand that she reacts incorrectly every time she is called “ill-mannered,” and will eventually learn not to respond with anger and violence because she later regrets her behavior. she's ashamed.

You can even give yourself some encouragement or advice that may be helpful and reassuring. For example: “If I take a deep breath and count to 10, I will calm down and look at the situation differently,” “I know that I can control myself”, “I am strong, I value myself highly and will not do anything that I will regret later.”

You can also burn off your energy by drawing, solving puzzles and crosswords, etc.

10. Laugh!

What better way to relieve stress and lift your spirits than a good dose of laughter? It's true that when we're angry, the last thing we want to do is laugh. At this moment we think that the whole world and all the people in it are against us (which is far from reality).

How to deal with anger: although it’s not easy, problems still look different if you approach them humorous, positive. Therefore, laugh as much as possible and at absolutely everything that comes to mind! Once you calm down, look at the situation from the other side. Imagine the person you are angry with in some funny or amusing situation, remember the last time you laughed together. This will make it much easier for you to deal with anger. Don't forget, laughter is very useful. Laugh at life!

11. If you think you have serious anger management problems, see a professional.

If you replace other emotions with anger, if you notice that anger ruins your life, that you get irritated by even the most insignificant things, if you cannot stop screaming or the urge to hit something when you are angry, if you are unable to control yourself in your hands and no longer know what to do, how to act in certain situations, with people, etc. … O seek help from a specialist.

How to cope with anger: a psychologist specializing in this problem will study the problem from the very beginning and will determine how best to help you. He or she may suggest that you learn to control your anger through behaviors (such as social skills training) and techniques (such as relaxation techniques) so that you can cope with situations that irritate you. You can even attend a group therapy class where you can meet people experiencing the same difficulties. This can be very helpful as you will find understanding and support among similar people.

To summarize, I would like to note that we need to learn to control our emotions, especially anger. Remember that anger, in whatever form it is expressed, physical or verbal, can never be an excuse for bad behavior towards others.

You already know that it is not the one who shouts the loudest who is brave, and the one who is silent is not the one who is cowardly and cowardly. Unreasonable words or stupid insults should not be listened to. Always remember that by harming others, you harm, first of all, yourself.

Translation by Anna Inozemtseva

Psicóloga especializada en psicología clínica infanto-juvenil. En continua formación para ser psicóloga sanitaria y neuropsicóloga clínica. Apasionada de la neurociencia e investigación del cerebro humano. Miembro activo de diferentes asociaciones e interesada en labores humanitarias y emergencias. A Mairena le encanta escribir artículos que puedan ayudar o inspirar.
“Magia es creer en ti mismo.”