Surely, there is no woman who has not encountered a man’s lies. Sometimes guys hide the true state of things, dodge in every possible way and lead us by the nose. To be fair, it should be noted that ladies also often embellish the truth, but most representatives of the stronger sex do this with enviable consistency. Men's lies often act as a way out of a difficult situation. Do we often wonder why this happens? How to recognize a liar and can you trust him after that?
Why do men lie?
Even a small lie can create great mistrust and seriously spoil the relationship between a man and a woman. Constant delays at work don't mean anything until it turns out that it wasn't true. After this, the guy risks losing the faith of his beloved for a long time, if not forever. What makes men do this?
Let's look at the main reasons for deception:
How to recognize a lie
If you want to have perfect knowledge about body language and the psychology of lying, then you can easily find specialized literature; after studying it, a woman will be able to distinguish truth from lies. Some clear signs of deception are listed below, but remember that the situation should be considered as a whole; some gestures do not always mean a desire to hide the truth.
How to expose a liar
To “see through” a liar, you do not need to have special knowledge or a diploma in psychology. Here are a few simple and real methods that really work if you do everything correctly and carefully observe the man’s reaction:
- A person who tells the truth shows emotions sincerely. A liar uses his acting skills to confuse his interlocutor. Sometimes a mask of a smile or a satisfied expression freezes on the face for several minutes, such a game is immediately visible. For example, you gave a man a present, he thanked you, and only then smiled, this is a clear signal of his internal dissatisfaction.
- The unexpected question method is used. At the beginning of the conversation, act as friendly and natural as possible. Do not raise your tone, do not put pressure on your interlocutor so that he relaxes and does not expect a trick from you. Come up with a topic for conversation in advance that would be far from the question that interests you, and ask it at the most unexpected moment; most likely, the man will be confused and will not find excuses.
- Take your interlocutor, as they say, to show off. Pretend that you know the truth and now want to hear it directly from the guy. You must be very convincing so that the man gets scared and tells it like it is.
- Look your opponent straight in the eye. A person who is deceiving will look away, he will simply be ashamed of his lie.
- Look for inconsistencies between words and gestures. Perhaps a person agrees with you, but his unconscious resists lies and with some movements he himself denies his own.
- Ask unexpected questions often. A man who is trying to deceive you will begin to “stumble” and fill the conversation with interjections.
Often women who are going through a period of crisis in their personal relationships exclaim with a similar phrase: “Oh my God! I didn’t know him at all!” and “He has changed so much - in front of me is a completely different person!” It may be upsetting, but you shouldn’t believe it - people don’t change.
It’s just that women were initially wearing “rose-colored glasses” and were unable to recognize the true character of their partner. By the way, this is very easy to do. There are various indicators that will help in the very embryo of a relationship to recognize a person’s true face - internal and external.
Examples of some clear-cut indicators
Etiquette: first or second?
The manifestation of this can be different, but it always indicates not a lack of good manners, but the presence of such a trait as selfishness. He is the first to walk through the door, the first to place an order at a bar (or other establishment of a similar kind), the first to take a sample of the prepared pie, the first to choose television programs that suit only his taste. Sound familiar? First. Anytime and anywhere. So think about what is better for you in family life - just giving or still receiving something.
Who are we talking about?
This can be determined on the first date - the story is only about himself or he still shows interest in your life. If you notice a “personal” hobby, then you should not hope that later changes will occur in him and he will take into account your interests. Such people consider themselves the center of the earth, and it is you who will need to adapt to their habits and interests.
His attitude towards strangers: kind or rude?
Take a closer look at his attitude towards unfamiliar people (minibus driver, salespersons, etc.). As a rule, this position is true regarding all people, including parents, relatives, friends and you (after the end of the candy-bouquet period).
Relationships with animals
Believe it or doubt it, but his attitude towards animals indicates his future attitude towards your children. Usually, people who do not like animals and treat them cruelly, then in family life demonstrate similar behavior, but this time in relation to household members. This may be subtle at first. And the reverse system is that a person who is unable to offend a kitten will not offend a child.
Attitude to money - spendthrift or?
Are you showered with gifts from head to toe? This is certainly flattering. You need to think, maybe he will then also thoughtlessly squander your joint finances? Although, spenders are in no way inferior to stingy people. These “two extremes” are not suitable for a happy family life - find a “golden mean” between them.
What's up with politics? Liberal? Conservative?
His political views and general view of the structure of the world community contain a clue - you will learn about the environment in which he grew up, and you can guess about his principles in building his own family relationships. If he is a strict conservative, then do not dream of your unlimited freedom.
Television preferences: TV series or news?
His taste preferences regarding television programs can tell a lot about his intellectual development. What is closer to his liking – “entertainment” that takes him away from reality for an hour or problematic talk shows that help him understand aspects of life. If tastes coincide, this problem destroys itself - in this case, it will be more interesting for the two of you.
Stress resistance
It is necessary to monitor what his reaction to unpleasant circumstances is - does he gather into a spring or crumble into pieces? If for him the norm of life is tragedy or drama, then you won’t live with him for long. Any misunderstanding in your relationship will lead to a crisis if the partner is not able (not used to) to face troubles head-on.
Priorities: family or work?
This is easy to determine. Pay attention to the beginning of the conversation - he is talking about problems at work or about the illness of his relative. The choice he makes is also important. Are you sick and he “disappears” during a meeting at work? Don’t get your hopes up - workaholism cannot be cured and, even with a successful career, he will always give first place to work. And don’t be surprised later if some important contract (and it will always be super important) disrupts your joint vacation.
Appearance: loose or toned?
His attitude towards his appearance speaks volumes about his self-esteem and presence. Deviations in any direction should be alarming. Excessively high or low self-esteem is indicated by: deliberate swagger or lack of self-confidence, sloppiness, pumped-up muscles and an exotic appearance.
Presence and strength of principles
If you put the soul first in importance, then, first of all, you should learn about the principles by which a person lives. The formation of life principles, according to which a person lives every day, is often influenced by what he believes. In this case, the guideline should be taken not by beautiful words (they can also be taken into account in minute doses), but by actions - they can easily diverge from words.
A little observation and you will be able to identify the distinctive features of your partner’s habits and behavior. Having prepared for “observation”, do not forget that character cannot be bad or good - it is you who can or cannot accept certain traits and behavior of a person. There are times when the difference between the principles and norms of behavior (yours and your partner’s) can be assessed as a piquant highlight of character. The main goal of “observation” is to find out whether you can accept these characteristics and norms, that is, get along with a “real” person.
Can you imagine a world without deception? Me not. I don’t have enough imagination to understand how much we will lose, or how much we will gain, by stopping lying to each other. We lie every day, and the ability to bring a person to clean water is useful to everyone. We talked and came up with seven ways to help you understand what a person really is like.
There is a film called “The Invention of Lying.” It talks about a world in which no one could lie. One day, something broke in the brain of one inhabitant of this world, and he uttered his first lie. In order not to spoil the impression of the film, I will not say further, and I advise you to watch it to learn about what our world could look like without lies.
And since in the real world there are more than enough lies and deceit, here are several ways to deal with them and bring to the surface a person you do not trust.
1. Observe a critical situation
When a person has to act in a critical situation, he cannot dissemble or play. He does not have the ability to use masks, and he will most likely act as his instincts dictate.
2. Look at the attitude towards the service staff
People who have been offended by life most often take it out on the service staff. Waiters, cleaners, salespeople - they all get it. If a person whistles or snaps his fingers at the waiter, this is the first sign that your interlocutor is an idiot.
3. Watch your body language and intonation
Finding materials about body language is not difficult. Liars can be recognized by several signs:
pauses in conversation
averting your eyes when answering a question,
changing the topic of conversation,
they make excuses even when you don’t reproach them,
often touch the face.
Of course, you shouldn’t overdo it and follow every gesture of your interlocutor. But sometimes this little cheat sheet helps to expose an unconscious deceiver.
4. Gossip about mutual friends
We love gossip to a greater or lesser extent. And, unfortunately, we often do not know the extent of them. By gossiping about mutual friends, you will see with your own eyes how much crap can come out of a seemingly good person.
5. Lend or borrow money
And although we already said that lending money to friends is the last thing you should think about, you can still learn a lot about him by borrowing or lending money to a person.
6. Go on a trip together
Extreme way. If you are already thinking about how to bring a person to clean water, then going on a trip with him is not the best idea. But after spending some time alone, you will see all his cockroaches.
7. Tell me a secret
Telling a secret will test a person's ability to keep secrets. If you don't trust him, you might tell him a trivial secret or a made-up secret just to see if he'll be willing to tell you more.
Illustration copyright Getty
You can sometimes determine whether a person is lying or not lying by his body language. However, experts are convinced that there are much more effective ways, says the correspondent
A team of security officers led by British researcher Thomas Ormerod was faced with a seemingly impossible task: at several European airports at once, they had to question passengers about the details of their current trip and determine who was telling the truth and who was deliberately lying.
Previously, Ormerod prepared a number of dummies who, while undergoing security control, laid out a “legend” about their past and plans for the future that did not correspond to their true intentions.
And his team had to somehow figure out these people. Considering that for every thousand passengers interviewed there was only one fake, such a task seems akin to finding a needle in a haystack.
The traditional way to catch a liar is to observe the behavior of his body or the movement of his eye pupils. But it seems that this approach is not very effective.
In any case, current research in the field shows that body psychology-oriented interviews - even those conducted by security personnel with special psychological training - produce inaccurate results.
According to the results of an experiment in one such study, out of 20 thousand subjects, only 50 made conclusions with 80% accuracy. The rest might as well have tossed a coin in the air before announcing their verdict.
As for Ormerod and his team, they decided to try a new method - or rather, a well-forgotten old one... And the result was many times higher than the usual level of effectiveness.
Illustration copyright Thinkstock Image caption You can’t always tell by looking whether a person is lying or notResearch in recent years in the field of uncovering false evidence has led to disappointing conclusions regarding the effectiveness of methods currently used in practice.
Traditionally, the focus is on reading the speaker's intentions through his/her body language or through certain changes in the face (in perjury, flushed cheeks, nervous laughter, shifting eyes, etc. are considered the main markers).
The most famous example of public lying is Bill Clinton. While denying his relationship with Monica Lewinsky in court, he kept touching his nose, and at one time this was perceived as a sure sign of insincerity.
Timothy Levin from the University of Alabama, USA, explained that lying causes strong emotional reactions in the liar himself - nervousness, guilt, sometimes even joyful excitement from the ambitiousness of the task facing him... And such an emotional state can be difficult to hide.
Even if it seems to us that we have a completely calm expression on our face, small facial vibrations (the so-called “microexpression”) arise in any case, and they can give us away.
The main difficulty is that human behavior is variable, and body language is not universal.
The more closely psychologists looked at the problem, the more difficult it seemed to them to find the key to understanding.
The main difficulty is that human behavior has a large degree of variability. For example, some people experience nervous twitching even when they are telling the truth, although it is generally believed that such a manifestation of nervousness indicates the opposite.
Apparently, there is simply no universal body language.
“There are no consistent signs that all people have when they are lying,” says Ormerod, who conducts scientific research at the University of Sussex in the UK. “For example, I giggle nervously, and someone takes on a serious look; Some people look straight into the eyes, while others avoid looking."
Timothy Levin agrees with his colleague: “There is compelling evidence that there is no single universal way to distinguish truth from lies.”
And although they say that even if we are not aware of the difference, we can always recognize a lie with the help of our subconscious, which picks up certain signals, this statement already seems very doubtful to modern researchers.
It seems that all traditional ideas have been refuted or questioned. However, our safety still depends on them.
One typical example is random screening of passengers before an intercontinental flight.
Illustration copyright Getty Image caption Oh, if only body language could always help reveal deception...On the eve of the 2012 Olympics, Ormerod was asked to evaluate the effectiveness of the procedure. According to him, security officers, when asking a passenger about his or her plans, usually rely on a questionnaire with questions requiring a “yes” or “no” answer.
If they have taken a course in body psychology, they will focus primarily on various so-called “suspicious signs” (nervousness manifested in body language, for example), which could reveal a lie.
But this approach “does not allow you to hear what they [passengers] say and decide how believable their words are, or observe how their behavior changes [over the course of a conversation] - which are the main aspects of the science of detecting deception " says Ormerod.
According to the researcher, existing protocols also contain elements of prejudice - against certain ethnic groups, for example. So the current method, in fact, hinders the detection of deception more than it helps.
It is clear that there is a need for a new strategy. But what should it be, given the findings of recent laboratory studies?
Ormerod gives a disarmingly simple answer: from subtle behavioral characteristics, the focus must be shifted to the words that people utter, and during the questioning, gently press on certain points, so that the “facade” of the liar crumbles.
Ormerod and his colleague Coral Dando from the University of Wolverhampton have established a number of principles that significantly increase the chances of security officers detecting deception:
Use open questions. They force the lying person to elaborate on his/her “legend” so that he/she ends up stuck in the web of his/her own lies.
Add an element of surprise to the conversation. Security personnel should try to increase the "cognitive burden" of a suspected liar - for example, by asking him/her unexpected questions that might confuse him/her, or asking him/her to recount some past event from the end - such techniques make it more difficult for liars to the task of “preserving the façade”.
Pay attention to small checkable details. If the interviewee claims to work at Oxford University, ask them to describe how he/she usually gets to work. If you hear some contradiction in the answer, do not rush to correct it - let the potential liar’s self-confidence grow; in this way he will reveal more information that reveals his lies.
Observe how the interviewee's confidence level changes. Carefully monitor changes in speaking style in response to external challenges; a person who lies can be verbose when he feels that he is in control of the conversation; but with a limited comfort zone, he/she can become extremely laconic, as soon as he feels that he is losing control over the course of the conversation.
During real checks, it is important to conduct the conversation not in the form of an interrogation, but in the form of an easy, relaxed conversation.
Under gentle pressure, a lying person is more likely to give himself away, getting confused in his own contradictions or becoming evasive and unsure of his answers.
Illustration copyright Thinkstock Image caption Psychological experiment at the airport suggested new "whistleblowing" techniques“You need to understand that there is no universal remedy, no panacea. We take all the best and combine them to [form] a new, cognitive approach,” Ormerod emphasizes.
Ormerod freely admits that his strategy may seem obvious to any reasonable person - too obvious to pass for discovery. "A friend told me that what you're trying to patent is just the art of conversation."
The results of the work, however, speak for themselves. For his experiment, Ormerod prepared a group of dummy air passengers and provided them with tickets similar to real ones and other documents necessary for travel.
These pseudo-passengers were given a week to come up with a “legend” for themselves, and then asked to queue with real passengers at airports in different parts of Europe.
And it turned out that security officers who completed the Ormerod and Dando interviewing course were 20 times more effective at identifying fakes than their colleagues focused on “suspicious signs.” The clearance rate for those who completed the course was 70%.
“Really impressive,” says Levin, who was not involved in the experiment himself. In his opinion, what is especially important here is that the experiment was carried out in real airports, since this circumstance gives the whole study the quality of authenticity.
The art of persuasion
The experiments conducted by Levin also turned out to be quite impressive in their results. Like Ormerod, he believes that cognitive interviews designed to detect holes in the "legend" are much more effective than attempts to recognize "telling" signs in body behavior.
Levine recently ran a quiz show in which his students paired up with non-students; For each correct answer, $5 was awarded as a reward.
One of the experts guessed 100% of cases of deception in 33 interviews
The partners were actors unfamiliar to the students, and when the game master temporarily left the room, the actor invited the student of his pair to take advantage of the elder’s absence and peek at the answer. Several students accepted this provocative proposal.
Subsequently, real security officers asked each of the students participating in the experiment whether they had been spying or not.
By penetrating their stories with tactical questions (rather than by observing body behavior), they were able to identify those who were cheating with 90 percent accuracy.
One expert even correctly guessed 100% of deceptions in 33 interviews he conducted - an amazing result that demonstrates the superiority of this method over body language analysis.
It is important to note that even novices were able to achieve an accuracy rate of almost 80% simply by using open-ended questions, such as how the interviewee's story would be presented by the other person in the pair.
Illustration copyright Thinkstock Image caption Are the police more effective at detecting deception than ordinary people?The interviewers in the experiment often asked students suspected of dishonesty to come clean. “The experts have been incredibly effective,” Levine says.
The secret is in a simple trick known to all masters of the art of persuasion.
The conversation began with a question about how honest the student was. Simply by encouraging students to say about themselves that they were not lying, interviewers encouraged them to be more sincere later on.
“We all like to think of ourselves as honest people, and this motivates cooperation,” notes Levin. “Those who cheated from the very beginning later had difficulty imitating their willingness to cooperate, so in most cases it became obvious who He's just pretending."
Another technique is to directly ask the interviewee how honest they are.
Similar techniques are likely already used by some forensic experts - but given the deep-rooted tradition of body language analysis, it is worth emphasizing how persuasion can be a more powerful tool.
The methods of detecting deception developed by Ormerod and Levin are primarily intended to help law enforcement agencies, but some can be successfully applied in various everyday situations.
“I use [this methodology] all the time with my children,” admits Ormerod.
In applying the principles outlined above, it is important to remember that the interviewer's mind should remain open and that one should never jump to conclusions: if the interviewee looks nervous, if he/she cannot remember an important detail, these are not necessarily indicators of insincerity. The focus should be on inconsistencies of a more general nature.
There is no universal method for detecting lies that would work under all circumstances. But it is possible to expose a deceiver with the help of intelligence, tact and the art of persuasion.
Afterword. Liar vs liar
It is known that liars have an excellent sense of other people's lies. Geoffrey Bird and his colleagues from University College London conducted a special test quiz asking participants to determine the truthfulness or falsity of statements about themselves. They were also asked to rate how truthful each other's statements were.
The experiment revealed that people who are good at telling stories can easily detect fiction in others, perhaps because they can easily recognize the techniques they themselves use.
There must be trust in the relationship between wife and husband. However, women often try to get their husbands clean water. Wives check correspondence on the Internet, as well as mobile phones. But there are more reliable ways.
Instructions
The biggest sign that your husband is dating someone else is that he regularly stays away from home for long periods of time outside of work hours. This is especially noticeable if the husband did not have overtime work before. In addition, most women whose husbands cheat on them notice that over time, people who were once so close to them move away from them. What gives men away is that they don't pay as much attention as before. However, it also happens that husbands during such periods become more tender than usual towards their wives. This is explained by the fact that in this way they want to completely divert attention from suspicions of fidelity.
In addition, if a husband cheats, then he begins to pay more attention to his appearance than usual. Often in such periods, after returning from urgent “overtime”, men’s eyes sparkle with happiness. These changes in your husband speak for themselves about his “moves to the left.” But these signs alone cannot be completely trusted. After all, it is possible that your husband is really late at work, and he does not have the strength to show attention to you as well.
You can immediately notice the tendency to “go to the left” in public places. Pay attention to whether the man gives all his attention to you or whether he sometimes turns to strangers.
In addition to all of the above, there are other proven ways to determine whether your husband is capable of infidelity. One of them is sign language. Try to talk confidentially with your husband. During such a conversation, casually ask him this simple question: “Is fidelity important to you?” Pay attention not only to his answer itself, but also to how he responds. Does he use any suspicious gestures or is there tension in his body?
Lying is very common. Some people lie out of habit, others out of fear, others out of pleasure to lie and embellish. Not to mention dishonest people who deliberately mislead people in order to use them for their own purposes.
If a person knows how to lie, he can “deceive” even a lie detector. However, there are more reliable ways to tell if a person is lying to you or telling the truth!
Instructions
One of these ways is body language. When a person tells a lie, his body sends nonverbal signals that “give him away” as a liar:
Profuse sweating, perspiration on the forehead;
Frequent eye blinking;
Averting gaze;
Shifting gaze;
Exaggeratedly sincere appearance;
Rubbing the tip of the nose and earlobe;
Rocking the body in different directions;
Licking your lips or teeth with your tongue.
These are signs that can catch a liar in a lie if he: is nervous, feels guilty, has not yet learned and is not used to lying - for example, a child.
However, as you understand, not every liar is nervous and feels guilty. Especially if he likes to lie and this person is immoral. In this case, face reading will help you.
Take a closer look at this person’s face to see if there are any of the following signs of a tendency to deceive and lie:
Crooked smile. This smile can be both cynical and charming. But don’t let her mislead you: this person is inclined to deceive both himself and others.
Stretching the lips to one side;
Mouth twitching;
Half-closed eyes. This sign indicates the possible deceit and treachery of the owner of such eyes.
Eye asymmetry (when one eye is larger/smaller than the other, or when one eyelid is denser than the other).
And finally, the most unmistakable way to “bring a person to clean water” is to read the aura. Everything is reflected in the aura - both the tendency to lie and the slightest deception. To read an aura, it is not at all necessary to have paranormal aura vision abilities. Often people feel an aura intuitively and unconsciously. For example, when they say: “I smell something wrong with him,” or “I don’t know why, but there’s something you’re not telling me,” etc.
Information about a person is stored in his data banks - chakras. To definitely determine whether a person is lying to you or telling the truth, you need to use three simple lie detectors.
First you need to tune in to reading the aura. Become aware and feel your entire body - gain strength by mentally turning to your spiritual source - master the intention to learn more about this person.
Then tune into this person’s communication chakra (located in the throat area) and mentally ask: “How truthful is this person in communicating?” (or “How sincere is this person speaking?”)
Sometimes a person deceives not in words, but in deeds, i.e. by your actions. Tune into the power chakra data bank (in the solar plexus area) and ask, “How does this person use their power?”
After this, check the person for his spiritual authenticity. Many people do not consider it a deception that they mistake white for black and black for white. This type of lie is self-deception, and outwardly a person can behave sincerely and honestly. Tune into his spirituality chakra (at the crown of his head) and mentally ask: “How spiritually pure is this person?”
Always trust your inner knowing (intuition). If you see that a person is dishonest with you and you cannot trust him, do not be afraid to break up with him. Nature abhors a vacuum, and you will DEFINITELY meet an honest, sincere and reliable partner!
Helpful advice
However, remember that thought is material. And if you constantly think that your husband is cheating and make it clear to him in every possible way that you suspect him of cheating, then cheating will happen sooner or later.
Attention, TODAY only!
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