Self-doubt is inherent in many people. It prevents you from living a full life. Every person, if desired, can overcome self-doubt. To do this, you need to find out the reasons for its appearance, and work every day to increase your self-esteem.
Reasons for uncertainty
Low self-esteem and the resulting lack of self-confidence develop in childhood. A child's relationships with parents and other adults influence whether he grows up to be confident in himself and his abilities or not.
A typical mistake parents make is projecting their unfulfilled dreams onto their child. After all, you really want the successor to the family to achieve success where they could not. If the child does not live up to their expectations, the parents become upset. This develops a feeling of shame and insecurity in the little person.
When parents ignore their child's fears and problems, they cultivate them. Growing up, such children do not know how to behave in difficult and alarming situations; they do not trust others or themselves. They are afraid to build relationships with people because they are not sure that anyone will take them seriously.
Excessive parental care develops in the child a fear of the outside world, a fear of doing things, of taking risks. This results in the social skills needed for self-confidence not being developed. A person grows up shy and afraid of everything.
The lack of parental support in endeavors, the suggestion that you shouldn’t even try to achieve more (you won’t succeed anyway), lead to the fact that the child grows up unsure of his abilities. He doesn't even strive or try to achieve anything. For what? Nothing good will come of it.
How to get rid
Uncertainty leads to a person constantly experiencing psychological discomfort. He feels dependent on various situations and public opinion. To get rid of this, you need to recognize and acknowledge the problem. This is a long process, as habits, character traits and self-perception have been formed and consolidated in the mind over the years.
Often people who are insecure about themselves eat away their inner discomfort with sweets. This leads to excess weight gain and a person becoming indifferent to himself and his appearance. In this case, playing sports will help increase self-esteem. Leave your comfort zone and start exercising regularly. And over time you will like the reflection in the mirror.
To achieve your goals, break the “path” to them into several stages. In this way, the seemingly unattainable dream will become closer, and the plan to bring it to life is quite realistic. Be positive and don't take failures to heart. Even if something didn’t work out for you, it’s a valuable lesson. Analyze your mistakes and, when starting a new business, try not to make them again. Every day instill in yourself faith in your strength and optimism.
Stop analyzing your actions from other people's point of view. Don't let other people's opinions manipulate you. Listen to what others advise, but do it your own way. To become a successful and self-confident person, learn not to depend on the opinions of society and defend your opinion.
Stop being afraid of everything unknown and unknown. Expanding your boundaries will help you not be afraid of change and look at the world more broadly. Make new acquaintances with people in whose company you will feel comfortable and cozy. As much as possible, stop communicating with those who are unpleasant to you. The sphere of social communication has a strong influence on thoughts and worldview.
If a situation seems unrealistic and daunting to you, find someone who has dealt with it in practice. Your fear will dissipate when you see that the problem is solvable. Being aware of the issue (whether it's an exam or a new job) will help you get rid of uncertainty. After all, why be afraid if you know and can do everything?
Love yourself. Self-esteem is the first step in the fight against embarrassment and uncertainty. Tell your loved ones about your thoughts and ideas, do nice little things for them, and don’t be afraid to be misunderstood. Take serious things easier. Stop constantly wondering what will happen if I do wrong.
To overcome self-doubt, come up with a variety of tasks and complete them. Examples of tasks:
- In a cafe, go up to a stranger you like and make an acquaintance with him, offer him a cup of coffee or invite him to the cinema.
- Walk up to someone on the street and ask for some information.
- Go to the store, ask the seller in detail about the product, thank him, and leave without buying anything.
Regularly doing things that currently make you feel shy and afraid will help you overcome self-doubt. Fight your inner fears. They make you susceptible to negativity and vulnerable to the world around you.
Complexes are those internal sensations of ours that for some reason force us to consider ourselves somehow different, not like everyone else. As a result, self-doubt appears.
Although this issue can be debated, self-doubt appears after complexes, or complexes appear after a person has been unsure of himself for a long time, does not dare to do anything, and as a result a complex of something appears. In my opinion, insecurity and complexes are completely interconnected, and you cannot put something in the first place and something in the background.
Uncertainty is something that a huge number of people live with.. The most important thing is that in most cases, such an “alliance” with uncertainty is completely unfounded. Unfounded, because does each of us really need to risk something very significant every day?
I am sure that the majority do not need to risk something very significant to themselves every day. But, nevertheless, a huge number of people feel insecure in various situations. Someone does not try to enter the university they would like to go to, because that university is one of the best, and the person applies to another university. But after enrollment, it turns out that your classmate, who did a little worse than you at school, entered the very university that you did not decide to attend.
Only then do you start to think: “ Why didn’t I try, because I most likely would have done so" How many such examples can you count in your entire life? When you don't dare do something. And you don’t dare not because you are much worse than others, but because your uncertainty lives in your head. At a time when your friend is really worse than you in some way, he may be many times more confident than you, which can allow him to achieve what he wants. Is the situation familiar to you from your school years, when you learned your homework, but still didn’t have the courage to raise your hand and answer?
The worst thing is that all these situations, from the most harmless ones, when you need to answer in class, but lack the courage, to more or less important ones, like choosing a university, form self-doubt in a person. And sometimes, already an adult, he almost always feels insecure. You lent a friend money, which you promised to pay back in a week, but a week has passed, and your friend remains silent. And for some reason you are afraid or embarrassed to ask him about money. And there are a lot of examples when a person who lacks self-confidence is afraid to do something basic.
Imagine the situation: There is a certain person of full build who, for some reason, considers this to be his complex; because of his fatness, he feels insecure, since his subconscious has developed the understanding that he is not like everyone else. Because of this, he does not do what he could do and what others do. Such uncertainty is unlikely to lead to good things.
But look at the situation differently. Haven't you seen fat people in your life who are successful? Who are not afraid to perform on stage and do many other things that the first person in my example did not do, because he told himself: I’m fat, and everyone there is slim, so I probably shouldn’t do it, or go there this way, etc... So what's the difference then? The difference is, where I actually started, that our insecurities and complexes are only in our subconscious, and they are not found anywhere else.
In the first case, an overweight person is not confident in himself, because he considers himself “not like everyone else.” In the second case, an overweight person, at the subconscious level, does not consider himself “not like everyone else.” Although in the end it may turn out that he is even more complete than the one who has a “complex” about this. Therefore, only one conclusion can be drawn: all our complexes and all our insecurities live only in our heads.
Every person has some shortcomings, and something else that may not be classified as shortcomings.. Everyone has it! I say this with 100% confidence. But for some reason, not all people feel insecure and experience some kind of complex. After all, if, in my words, everyone has some kind of shortcoming, then it turns out that everyone should be “complexed,” each for their own reasons. But we see that this is not so. Not so, because some people either initially do not pay attention to their shortcomings, or have learned to do so.
And there can be a lot of examples, I gave completeness as an example, just as an example. And I am sure that you have met quite nice people who, for some reason, when they need to make a speech in front of the public, cannot do it. And vice versa, when a person who, on the contrary, might be embarrassed to speak in public because he, for example, stutters, speaks with confidence. At the same time, people remember his speech, arguments, facts, and not the conspicuous uncertainty and excitement. This is the best example of the fact that it’s not a matter of being overweight or slim, not a matter of stuttering and ordinary speech, but it’s a matter of our subconscious. It is in it, in our subconscious, that we either have confidence or lack confidence.
But how do you still gain confidence? This, of course, is a purely individual approach. But, nevertheless, general advice can be given to everyone.
First you need to stop “looking for” those very shortcomings in yourself. “I have a long nose, but look what he has on TV, it’s not like mine... “Or: “I’m not tall, just 5-10 centimeters more, and that would be nice.” Tell me, where are these rules written? Where is it written what height should be, 185 centimeters, or 170? Where is it written what the correct nose should be, elongated or flattened? I'll give you the answer - nowhere. So is there any point in “rummaging” within yourself and looking for some “petty” shortcomings? There is no point.
Second point. You need to look for the positives in yourself, not the negatives.. If Napoleon had been indecisive because of his short stature, he would not have become the Napoleon the whole world knows.
And the most important advice: start taking action! Start doing something that you haven’t dared to do for some reason, most often complexes and lack of self-confidence. Only concrete steps that you have not previously dared to take will allow you to gradually get rid of uncertainty.
Of course, a completely “complex” person is unlikely to be able to immediately decide to take serious steps. But you can start small. For example: a session at the university. The exam is underway and all students feel nervous. And who will go answer the teacher first? You! It is from such situations that you must learn to decide on specific steps. And every step you decide to take, overcoming fear and self-doubt, will give you more confidence.
And step by step, you will be able to come to the point that going somewhere first, speaking in front of strangers, addressing someone will be a common occurrence for you, to which you will not even pay attention.
How to get rid of fear? How to overcome self-doubt? These questions are relevant at different periods of life for most people. They say that courage is not the one who is not afraid, but the one who is able to act despite fear. In this article, I list ten simple but extremely effective techniques that can help anyone overcome fear and gain confidence in their own abilities.
First method overcoming fear and self-doubt are “gradual loads.” The essence of the method is to act gradually. If, for example, a person is afraid of heights and cannot even think about air travel, it is absolutely not necessary to start with exactly what is scary to do. To begin with, any minimal step will do - say, go up to the fifth floor, go to the windowsill, make sure that everything is in order and carefully look outside the window. Regarding a personal situation, this can be anything at all - any movement that at least slightly takes you beyond the usual comfort zone towards a goal. For example, if a person is afraid of dating, then complimenting anyone of the opposite sex can be the first step, and inviting a specific favorite on a date can be the tenth step. You will be surprised how easy it is to take the tenth step after the ninth, and the ninth after the eighth. “Gradual loads” allow you to take an easy path to heavy loads. Gradually, you begin to easily overcome fears and self-doubt in aspects of life that once seemed insurmountable.
Second method overcoming fear and self-doubt is “devaluation.” The fact is that we experience fear and self-doubt precisely in those aspects of life that are overloaded with excessive significance in our heads - in other words, we worry about what we consider important. And, on the contrary, the simpler the attitude towards these aspects, the less worry. For example, an insecure sales manager may worry that an advertising banner for a certain amount will hit the client’s pocket, and he will reproach the manager for impudence. With this approach, it is simply unrealistic to engage in sales. And in order for the situation to be resolved, you should not attach importance to money. A self-confident person will easily, as if for granted, receive a decent payment for the same service simply because this is normal - there is nothing outstanding in this that should be given at least some importance. Overcoming fear and uncertainty in social affairs comes down to devaluing these matters, to the fact that we begin to relate to these matters more simply - without neurotically attaching excessive importance to what is happening.
Third method overcoming fears and self-doubt are “spontaneous actions.” When, for example, in a work environment a speech or some specific phrases are planned for an upcoming meeting, it is at this time that the situation is “recharged” with excess meaning. And as was already said above, the higher the significance, the more actively we replay the upcoming situation in our heads, which in turn increases the fear of making mistakes and rocks self-doubt. Planning is important in business, but when the plan becomes a broken record of mental jumble that plays over and over again in the head, then excitement and unnaturalness in actions are simply inevitable. When there is a plan that satisfies, it’s time to turn off the mind and move on to action. If during a future conversation you want to express specific thoughts, it is quite enough to remember them or write them down without formalizing them into a planned speech. Then, based on the situation, these thoughts can be spontaneously voiced in a natural rhythm. This is how they will sound most confident. To get rid of fear and overcome uncertainty, spontaneous actions are sometimes the only way out. When you decide, you just need to do it, not paying attention to the “convulsions” of the mind. During conscious spontaneous actions, we focus on what is being done, and not on how “scary” it is. As they say: “the eyes are afraid, but the hands do.”
Fourth method overcoming fears and self-doubt - “a living example of a courageous act.” Almost magically, personal fears dissolve when we see how an experienced, confident person acts in a situation that causes our anxiety. Such an example, with its clarity, can destroy the internal barrier that prompted one to feel fear and self-doubt in similar circumstances. We simply see in practice that in this situation you can act without fear - easily and confidently. Any complexes are completely groundless and inappropriate. Sometimes people choose difficult paths of gradual career growth - step by step, year after year. And then suddenly they see how next to them an uneducated “upstart” overtakes them in a short period of time simply because he acts confidently, does not attach excessive importance to the local hierarchy and turns out to be closest to the general “feeding trough”. Such a (living) example can outrage, and can also teach a lot.
Fifth method overcoming fears and self-doubt is “relaxation.” This method can be called physiological, because through relaxation of the body, we influence the state of mind. The more excited and excited the mind and feelings are, the more intense the internal tension manifests itself. The states of the body and mind are interconnected. If the mind is tense, the body becomes tense. Conversely, by relaxing the body, we relax and calm the mind. A similar trick works when we calm our breathing. The best option is not to relax an already tense body, but to maintain the initial relaxation without unnecessary tension. You can read more about relaxation in the article “Stress Relief.”
Sixth method overcoming fears and self-doubt is “understanding.” In fact, we are afraid to act when we are not completely sure that we need it. Somewhere inside, all the pros and cons are being weighed, but the mind cannot make a final decision and continues to hesitate. It is important to understand what you really want. When you want to invite a person on a date, but fear and self-doubt set in, you need to analyze what’s so terrible that could happen. Refusal in itself is not scary, it is a normal phenomenon. We are afraid to show ourselves in an unsightly light. It is the fear of humiliation that outweighs the original intention. The stronger the fear, the more clumsy the behavior becomes. Sometimes the “inviter,” without fully understanding why he feels fear and uncertainty, is actually afraid of disappointing his partner, or unconsciously anticipates possible problems as the relationship develops. In this case, even if there are doubts, you just need to decide: either “yes” or “no”. And if “yes,” then we return to confident spontaneous actions. If “no”, then there is nothing to regret. The main thing is that the decision is balanced and conscious.
Seventh method overcoming fears and self-doubt – “awareness”. This method is one of the most effective. Otherwise, awareness can be called knowledge, or professionalism. For example, when applying for a job, being new to the business, it is quite normal to feel insecure, because it is not known in advance whether you will be able to cope with the assigned tasks. In this vein, work turns into a continuous continuous exam, resulting in long-term stress. But a professional who knows the topic has nothing to fear. He has self-confidence based on experience. Therefore, training is often the best cure for self-doubt. Ancient people were afraid of natural phenomena because they did not even know approximately what lightning was - heavenly punishment, or an untargeted electric charge in the atmosphere. The “awareness” method is somewhat similar to the sixth method “understanding”. The difference is that for the “understanding” method it is not necessary to have complete “professional” knowledge of the situation. It is quite enough to simply make a choice and follow it. But “awareness”, as a rule, leads to spontaneous decision-making based on knowledge.
Eighth method overcoming fears and self-doubt is “friendliness.” This method is not suitable for every situation, but sometimes it is irreplaceable. Sometimes we tend to feel fear, anxiety and self-doubt when communicating with some big boss, or another person significant to us. Such fear can be completely overcome with a simple friendly attitude. When we are friendly and polite (even when we are not in control of the situation), the “truth” remains on our side and there is nothing to worry about. And if an outsider takes advantage of our ignorance in order to rise due to this, this only speaks of his personal complexes. Psychologically, the one who maintains harmony is right.
Ninth method overcoming fears and self-doubt is “self-knowledge.” All our self-doubt is a consequence of ignorance regarding our own person, and that is the only reason why our self-identification is so tightly tied to public approval. If someone likes you, you feel encouraged and your self-confidence grows. And if they criticize, confidence decreases. All this happens as if we do not know ourselves at all, and we receive information about our person exclusively from others. It is important to remember that understanding others is also subjective. Most people are not even able to understand themselves, let alone give a sober assessment of our actions. To know yourself means to accept yourself as you are. When you are not ashamed to be yourself, then you can live and act without fear. When we act knowing ourselves, we simply show our guts as they are. Of course, everything has its time and place. The topic of self-knowledge is one of the main ones on progressman.ru.
Tenth method overcoming fears and self-doubt is an analysis of one’s own personality. In fact, all our fears are based on deep, maladaptive beliefs about ourselves and life. Each problem state is a consequence of one’s own thinking. Sober analysis helps to identify illusions. However, independent discovery of a personal problem is made difficult precisely by the fact that the problem itself deprives of clarity and understanding precisely in those personal areas where these qualities are most in demand. In such a situation, it is productive to get an unclouded third-party look at your own life (this is how I unobtrusively advertise my online consultations).
It is important to remember that by revealing another fear, we open up an additional opportunity for ourselves to become stronger. We shouldn’t justify ourselves when someone supports our fears and feels sorry for us. All these are temptations that make us weak and weak-willed. Overcoming fears and self-doubt does not mean committing rash, life-threatening actions. Meeting your fears means growing, learning, becoming stronger and wiser.
Once upon a time there lived an old gloomy animal in a swamp behind the forest. And somehow, either by pure chance, or out of terrible boredom, he started a conversation with a small vagrant bird, who told the gloomy animal that somewhere on the other side of the forest there was a magical garden where fabulous fruits grew, which some the animals are transformed. The gloomy animal listened to the bird, his mouth open in surprise, and suddenly something in his head moved in an unusual way. The bird flew away, and the animal was left alone again. But something has changed. Against the backdrop of the routine of everyday drudgery, anxiety began to grow in the soul of the gloomy beast. The beast began to dream about how he would leave his usual swamp and go in search of a magical garden. Another hundred or two hundred years passed like this. The everyday drudgery comfortably enveloped him, but anxiety still did not leave his soul. Sometimes the beast had nightmares in which he left the familiar swamp. He woke up in a cold sweat, realizing with relief that he was still there, in his old, familiar swamp. But over time, after another three or four hundred years, the gloomy beast finally realized that in this swamp of his, everything was already so familiar and familiar that there was no point in staying here any longer. He realized that he would not know what awaited him beyond the edge of the forest until he got out of the quagmire. At first, for the first two weeks, he stuck out two paws and his muzzle to the surface. Then, making sure that nothing bad was happening to him, he got out of the swamp and began his journey, which was full of adventures, dangers, excitement, joys and new impressions. And this continued until the gloomy beast suddenly discovered that he had been moving through the magical garden for a long time, and that he was no longer gloomy at all, but bold and joyful. He discovered that during this time he had grown golden wings, and his body had become strong and hardened. He never regretted that he got out of his usual swamp to find a magical garden.
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Inner indecision and uncertainty are inherent in both women and men.
And although it is common for the beautiful half of humanity to be weak and in need of protection, it is not at all natural, due to obsessive tightness and constraint, to limit their own lives in many ways.
Not knowing how to overcome self-doubt, fear and embarrassment, most people with complexes continue to infringe on their needs for fear of doing something wrong. The reasons for insecurity are quite extensive and individual for everyone, but the most common (which can give rise to other consequences) is the regular devaluation of any actions of a child or teenager.
Under rudeness, rudeness, swagger and impudence, the stronger sex often tries to hide shyness and self-doubt, timidity. Fear of responsibilities at work, reproaches at home and the inability to fight back or the indifference of friends...
All this is generated by doubt in one’s abilities, which is the other side of low self-esteem. What reasons can give rise to a person’s self-doubt and fear of communication?
Sources of uncertainty:
- Inflated demands and expectations of others that were not met.
- Parents' conviction of their child's worthlessness and lack of talent.
- Perceiving any failure as a large-scale tragedy.
- Dependence on the opinion of society.
Signs of weak character:
- Inability to answer with a categorical “no.”
- Suspiciousness.
- Subservience and yessing to other people.
- General stiffness and depression in communication.
- Fear of offending someone.
- Inability to make decisions.
Fighting with yourself
Modesty is not at all an obstacle to a full-fledged lifestyle, but uncertainty is fraught with the fact that people do not pay attention to the individual. There is a constant struggle inside a person that unsettles him.
He feels dependent on society and various situations, unable to become independent and self-sufficient in everything, while experiencing terrible psychological discomfort. Psychology considers the question of how to overcome self-doubt from several points of view, based on what influenced the individual - upbringing or his behavior.
It is quite difficult to change some character traits and one’s perception, since habits that began to have a negative impact on our existence were consolidated over the years, and a person considered this normal. Until I realized the true problem, when faced with indecision and fears already in adulthood.
If you start to think about how to overcome shyness and self-doubt, you may be surprised to note that this is a completely solvable problem. But under no circumstances should you continue to fuel this problem by driving yourself into depression and starting to get nervous, and then relieve tension with pills or alcohol.
What to do if self-doubt prevents you from living in peace?
Ways to get rid of self-doubt:
- Doing nice little things for your loved ones, talk about your ideas and thoughts without fear of being misunderstood.
- Workout and leave the comfort zone of a cozy chair and a soft blanket.
- Break down your plans and goals into step-by-step actions. So dreams become not so unattainable and scary.
- Tune in to positive emotions and don't take failures too personally. You need to understand that any bad luck is a valuable lesson, which will give you wisdom and help you more easily achieve your goal. It is necessary to instill in yourself a positive attitude and faith in your own strength every day.
- Stop reconsidering your actions and words through the eyes of other people. Someone else's opinion is good. You can listen to him, but you must always decide for yourself. You cannot allow yourself to be put under pressure and manipulated. Defending your own point of view and not depending on others is the main rule of a confident and successful person.
- Make new friends, get into an environment that will be homely, cozy and pleasant for you, get rid of communication with unlikable people. After all, the sphere of social interaction greatly influences worldview and thoughts.
- Self-esteem– the best ally in the fight against uncertainty and embarrassment. Love yourself.
- Learn something new for yourself all the time, do not be afraid of the unknown and unknown. New facets will allow you to look at the world more broadly and not be afraid of change.
- Easier to relate to important things. Devaluing important aspects will bring relaxation, and you will stop intimidating your subconscious with the eternal “what will happen if...”.
- See a person in a similar situation, which seems frightening and unrealistic to you, who in practice proves his experience and confidence in this matter. Then the fear will dissolve.
- Awareness of the matter(be it a new job or an exam) contributes to the fact that there is nothing to fuel fear. Judge for yourself - why be afraid if you can and know everything?
Tests to help you become more confident
In order to understand how to overcome fear and self-doubt, you can set yourself constant tasks and perform them in different ways, noting for yourself how easier and simpler it is to act in a given case. For example:
- Go to any store and ask the seller to carefully advise you about a certain product, and then thank him and leave without buying anything.
- Approach a passerby and ask for some information.
- Come to a cafe and make an acquaintance with the guy/girl you like, inviting them to a movie or offering them a cup of coffee.
To get rid of uncertainty and take an additional opportunity to become stronger, it is necessary to reveal fears, reminding ourselves that they are only temptations that make us defenseless and susceptible to negativity.
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Let your psyche rest, stop stressing yourself out about things that may not even happen. Start moving forward and repeating to yourself “I can do this!”
Unfortunately, most people are susceptible to self-doubt and doubt to one degree or another. Even the most confident of us periodically feel a loss of direction in life and powerlessness in the face of emerging circumstances. It is normal to feel confused during a life crisis. But if a feeling of insecurity becomes a constant companion of a person, then this is already a problem that needs to be given close attention.
You can safely put yourself on the list of overly insecure individuals if the following behavior is typical for you:
- you feel constrained and embarrassed in interpersonal contacts, especially when interacting with unfamiliar people;
- avoid expressing your opinion directly to your interlocutor for fear of hurting his feelings;
- unable to make decisions independently and constantly seek support from others;
- you perceive criticism from others painfully and act only when you are confident that you will not anger anyone with your behavior;
- you don’t know how to refuse requests;
- you are embarrassed to express your desires.
An insecure person, when trying to act despite fear and doubts, is often let down by his own body: his voice breaks and trembles, sweat appears on his forehead, color fills his face, and an upset stomach occurs.
Fear and self-doubt negatively affect all areas of life, preventing you from achieving what you want in your career, building interpersonal relationships and starting a family. After all, if a person constantly doubts his own abilities, he does not dare to act in the direction of his goals, or even abandons them altogether, replacing his desires with those of others. To live a happy life, it is important to know how to overcome fear and self-doubt when it arises.
Finding the causes of fear and self-doubt
The first step towards gaining confidence is a thorough self-analysis and search for the reasons that provoke doubts in one’s abilities. After all, people do not become insecure, but are born. Watch children learning to walk. The baby takes his first steps, falls, but soon gets up and makes another attempt to walk on his own. He has no doubt that he can. He doesn't know that he might not succeed. So where does this joyful anticipation and thirst for new discoveries disappear, despite possible bruises, bruises and other troubles?
The reason for the feeling of self-doubt is the presence in a person’s life experience of stories when his feelings and actions were rejected, condemned, prohibited, sometimes in a frightening way for him. Typically, such experience is acquired in the first, most important interpersonal relationships - during the interactions of the child with his parents. Look around: children everywhere are taught that doing something in one way or another is bad, unworthy, shameful, dirty. This gives rise to a feeling of inferiority and unconsciousness before independent actions.
Overprotective parenting also destroys healthy self-esteem. The child is constantly told that he does not know anything and cannot do it without the help of his parents. It is decided for him what should be important and necessary for him, and what will harm him. The child is not allowed to make mistakes on his own and learn from them.
Even in adulthood, when the psyche is more stable, a person can be exposed to negative external factors. For example, a source of low self-esteem and self-doubt can be a critical spouse or close friend, so the words of loved ones and often idealized people hurt the most.
Another common cause of fear and self-doubt is the tendency to negatively evaluate life events. Dismissal from work, divorce, business failure are regarded as a disaster and an indicator of personal failure. Few people can consider such situations as a springboard to new achievements.
Along with psychological factors, external factors also play a role in the development of self-doubt - social, religious, ethnic and even sexual. For example, often representatives of sexual minorities, being victims of discrimination, suffer from a sense of their own inferiority.
Try to determine what event served as a trigger for the development of uncertainty, what and whose words touched a nerve and made you doubt yourself? If you cannot remember the traumatic episode, it is better to seek help from a psychologist or hypnologist. Specialists in the field of the unconscious will be able to identify the underlying causes of fears and bring them to the level of the conscious mind for further work.
How to overcome your fears and self-doubt: psychotherapy
Competent psychologists successfully cope with the problem of low self-esteem, for example, Baturin Nikita Valerievich. During psychotherapy sessions, it turns out that in order to love yourself and get rid of suspiciousness, you do not need to change your hairstyle, buy expensive things or perform feats - you just need to change the way you look at yourself. A sober analysis from the outside will help identify false beliefs about your personality and create a new, more positive self-image.
How to get rid of fear and uncertainty using hypnosis?
In the unconscious of a person, not only the causes of his problems are hidden, but also the solutions to his problems. Hypnosis will help you activate your internal resources to develop confidence. Hypnotherapy allows you to:
- eliminate negative experiences from childhood;
- change negative attitudes to positive ones;
- form a positive reflex to situations that cause fear;
- model a more optimistic perception of the future.
Try listening to an audio recording with hypnotic suggestions:
There are no pills to give you confidence. Therefore, get ready for serious and interesting work on yourself under the guidance of a psychologist or hypnologist.
How to overcome fear and self-doubt on your own?
If there is a negative environment that constantly drags you down, it will be very difficult to get rid of self-doubt. If you receive criticism that you can't handle, such as from a friend, family, or social media comment, cut it off. Be selective in your communications. Don't share your plans with people who are pessimistic and will probably start dissuading you.
How to overcome your fear and uncertainty: exercises
Intellectually, we all understand that uncertainty is not good for us, that we should not focus on the negative. We know that we don’t need to think that we can’t do something. But in reality we don't feel it. The following exercises will help bridge the gap between positive thoughts and feelings.
Visualization for self-doubt
Our subconscious does not speak the same language as us. Simple reminders “everything will be fine” are not enough. Draw pictures in your imagination of how you manage to overcome your fears until you feel delighted with your fantasies. Very soon, when you find yourself in situations that previously caused you fear and self-doubt, you will begin to feel interested and inspired.
"Mistake"
Treat life more simply, playfully, with humor. In the end, fate always gives a second, third, tenth chance. You just need to believe and you will see it. If you have not succeeded in something, failed with disgrace, make a face, spread your arms to the sides and say in a funny voice, “Wrong!” Next, cross your arms over your chest, gently hug yourself by the shoulders and say: “I am good!” This simple exercise will allow you to deal with your occasional mistakes without aggression or self-criticism.
How to overcome fear and uncertainty with anger?
An important step towards developing confidence is giving yourself permission to be angry. Anger is one of the strictly taboo feelings. Often, insecure people, due to their upbringing, have a strictly negative attitude towards aggressive impulses within themselves. Starting to feel a surge of anger, they get scared and try to suppress it.
However, aggression is not always an exclusively unwanted and destructive feeling. Healthy anger is necessary to set personal boundaries and protect your values. Compared to the feeling of powerlessness, anger is a resourceful state. The emotion of anger is felt as a surge of energy and encourages action. By allowing yourself to feel anger, you will learn to better understand your needs and separate them from the desires of others.
If you allow yourself to be angry, this does not mean that you will immediately go and destroy everything. Get alone, take a notepad and describe what outrages you about the events that happened. For example, a colleague once again asks you to replace you at work. In response to your timid attempts to refuse, she begins to complain that she has a small child, she needs to be at home and accuses her of insensitivity. Unable to say no, you retreat, even though you had important things planned for the weekend.
By allowing yourself to feel negative emotions without guilt, by allowing angry thoughts towards your colleague, you will automatically get out from under her psychological influence. Next time, when you refuse a request, you will not be afraid of accusations and outbursts of anger on her part, since you have learned not to be afraid of your own aggression.
Now let’s look at self-doubt in typical life situations.
How to overcome fear and self-doubt at work?
A new unfamiliar thing is always scary. Thoughts arise that you won’t cope, and everyone will understand how stupid you really are. Remember that everything you know how to do well now, you also learned once. Read motivational literature, study biographies of people who were able to overcome difficulties on the path to success.
Often in work, people do not see the difference between accepting responsibility and self-blame. The first one motivates, the second one deprives one of strength. As soon as you notice that you are berating yourself, stop. Remind yourself that self-flagellation is not good for you or the cause.
If you're nervous during a business meeting or in your boss's office, influence your emotions through your body: straighten your shoulders, lift your chin, keep your back straight. This will not only create a state of inner confidence, but will also make the right impression on the interlocutor.
How to overcome the fear of communication and self-doubt?
One of the main reasons for self-doubt is the habit of looking at yourself through the eyes of others. In this case, any negative emotions directed towards oneself cause a feeling of guilt and are perceived as confirmation of one’s unworthiness. It is important to learn to understand that the feelings of others are not your responsibility. To do this, it is important to learn to manage your own emotional state.
People often think that their feelings come in response to external events. And since events and people are difficult to control, it seems that a person has no control over his feelings. But if you learn to notice that an emotional reaction to an event is preceded by a mental assessment, everything becomes much simpler.
For example, you were severely scolded by your boss. You can interpret this event in different ways.
- I'm a really bad employee and a complete nonentity. Emotional reaction: pain, shame, powerlessness.
- My boss is always hard to please. He could have explained his requirements better. Emotional reaction: resentment, anger.
- The project we are working on is very important to my boss. That's why he snapped. The emotional reaction is sympathy for the authorities, an urge to correct the mistake.
Having learned to juggle your own thoughts and developed a stable habit of responding to any events with love and acceptance, you will understand that the feelings of others towards you - be it accusations, anger, ridicule, or admiration and envy - is only their problem, their choice. And this will save you from worrying about whether they treat you well or badly.