There are situations when a colleague is terribly annoying. Anything in a person causes irritation: behavior, manners, actions, ridiculous statements. But the main problem is that such conflicts at work are difficult to resolve. Scandals or accusations are not a way out of the situation. You need to start by working on yourself. It is important to change your attitude towards the stimulus. Change your negativity to positivity. Sometimes psychoanalysis, art therapy and group classes help.
If a colleague is annoying, you will have to do some hard work on yourself
Find the cause of the irritation
According to statistics, only 10% of people are not annoyed by their colleagues. They are focused on the task and simply do not notice those around them. These are people who work with machines, installations and do not have direct contact with other workers.
About 20% of people are constantly nervous about their colleagues, and from time to time - up to 70%. Most often, irritation is caused by the following qualities:
- duplicity;
- hypocrisy;
- arrogance;
- selfishness;
- irresponsibility;
- rudeness;
- tactlessness, etc.
The most popular are stupidity and unprofessionalism. Indeed, it is difficult to work with a colleague if he constantly asks you about something. He only pretends to understand the work area. He doesn’t know basic things, which is why he constantly asks questions to his colleagues. Usually such a person does not like or does not know how to learn new things. They are trying to “survive” him from work.
Often irritants are human actions: lying, smoking, frequent tea drinking, grumbling, spreading rumors, empty chatter. But what irritates true workaholics most of all is laziness. A colleague works less than others, but everyone receives the same salary. Instead of working, the employee sits on social networks, leafs through magazines, watches videos, talks with someone on the phone, etc.
Form a personal circle of communication
When some colleagues are annoying and others are not, this is due to compatibility on a biological level. Several employees of a company may have the same bad habits: banging a pen on the table, slurping, laughing loudly, etc. But an employee can calmly talk with some, or drink tea together during a lunch break. And in others, the cause of irritation can be anything.
Women are more vulnerable. They find it difficult to control themselves and their own emotions in moments of irritation. In most cases, women also piss them off.
Men have a higher level of self-control. If a colleague is a good specialist, is not afraid of hard work, and delivers everything on time, then they will calmly tolerate such an employee. Men will reduce communication during the working day and any contact with such a companion to a minimum and will work calmly.
Have an honest conversation with your colleague
If the irritant is bad habits, then you should tell your colleague about them. You can offer your own options for eliminating them. The main thing is not to keep feelings to yourself and learn to tolerantly voice what you don’t like.
It happens that such aspirations of colleagues irritate:
- get a promotion;
- get a salary increase;
- become the manager of a large project;
- be appointed head of department, etc.
This is a manifestation of ordinary envy. It is important to recognize that your colleague is truly a professional in his field and deserves a promotion. It is necessary to think about what the envious person lacks to achieve such a goal. You need to analyze the character traits and qualities of your ambitious colleague and try to develop them in yourself. If the person is lazy, offer the boss to pay a salary for performance results. This can motivate a colleague. And also the director will know who to monitor, and if the employee does not cope with his duties, he will be fired. This is a great opportunity to express yourself and show your high professionalism.
A colleague's desire to earn more can cause envy
Analyze your behavior
But before you express dissatisfaction with your colleague, analyze your own behavior. If conflicts in a team arise due to personal qualities, then you should discuss this with colleagues. We need to come up with a tolerant way of expressing all grievances so as not to offend anyone.
When you are alone, use the method of free association. During the process, you need to say everything you think. Don't filter your statements. Don't forget to record everything on video or recorder. Listen to the recording carefully later. This will help identify complexes and the true causes of irritation.
Perform a transfer analysis. It happens that childhood feelings and fears are transferred to a current colleague. And it’s not him who infuriates, but the image from the past. A detailed analysis of the behavior, character traits, and professional qualities of the annoying employee will help you cope with this. Learn to notice positive qualities. You should not be limited by your own skills, views, habits.
Follow up later. It consists of understanding the causes of conflicts and finding a way to change behavior patterns.
Psychologists advise simply focusing on the work process. Then the person will stop paying attention to stimuli, and productivity will be high. The result is a healthy psyche and good mood.
Get rid of emotions with art therapy
Art therapy is a direction in psychotherapy based on creativity. Includes the following types of art:
- choreography;
- modeling;
- vocals;
- playing musical instruments;
- knitting or embroidery, etc.
You need to choose the type of art that most impresses and pleases the patient. The main goal of art therapy is to learn self-knowledge through art. The method of sublimation is used - the transfer of internal conflicts to the creative product.
Draw your experiences on a piece of paper if isotherapy is used as a basis. Choose different shades of colors. You can even draw elementary shapes, strokes, lines. Draw a picture of your colleague, his habits, actions, and other things that cause severe irritation.
After this, do whatever you want with the drawing: burn it, crumple it, tear it, smear it with other paint, trample your feet, etc. It is important that subsequently all the negativity goes away and is replaced by peace and peace of mind.
You don’t have to spoil your creation, but place it in a visible place. Look at the drawing from different angles and in different moods. This will help you understand all the problematic aspects.
Art therapy helps relieve fatigue and tension, increase self-esteem, understand your own thoughts and fears, harmonize your inner world, and normalize relationships in society. The main thing is don’t be shy to draw, even if you don’t have similar skills and talents. In art therapy, the creative process itself is important.
Art therapy with musical instruments will relieve stress
Learn new behaviors
You need to forget about past experiences, feelings, negative experiences. It is important to focus on the present and relevant.
Exposure therapy is carried out only under the supervision of a psychotherapist. During treatment, the doctor shows the patient how he behaves with a colleague. It displays different behavior patterns. This technique is called “target behavior.”
The doctor shows the client “interference behavior” - how he should behave in moments of high tension, stress, or if a colleague is annoying. Most often, this is a calm person who does not pay attention to strangers and works hard.
The psychotherapist invites the patient to depict his vision of “ideal behavior” during irritation. The emphasis is on facial expressions, speech, character traits, and reaction to the words of a colleague.
The work is carried out based on 3 techniques:
- Hidden sensitization. The doctor shows the patient how to correctly enter a state of complete relaxation. Then he asks you to close your eyes and remember the colleague who is annoying you. And again imagine what brings peace.
- Gradual exposure therapy. The sessions are slow and calm. Additionally, calm, quiet, instrumental music can be turned on and an aroma lamp with lavender, mint, and chamomile oils can be lit. In such a situation, you need to understand the causes of irritation. You need to understand what exactly causes such a reaction in the patient and such behavior.
- Flood method. A situation is played out that should provoke aggression and hysteria in the patient. During the process, the doctor observes the patient’s reaction to stimuli. If no violations are found, the course of treatment is completed. Or another treatment technique is chosen. The “flood” method is used at the end of the treatment course.
The patient’s task is to change his attitude towards a colleague who is annoying. You need to learn to notice positive qualities. After all, irritation appears due to a person’s personal experiences.
The “flood” method is characterized by putting the patient into a state of hysteria
Talk about feelings in group therapy
During group therapy, a person is in a small group. The participants are united by one problem. The psychotherapist suggests imagining that all participants in therapy are colleagues. Several scenes are played out, where:
- everyone annoys each other;
- one person pisses off the others;
- a group of 3-4 people annoys the rest.
Each participant should be in the role of a colleague-irritant. He copies his behavior. Shows scenes that often happen in the work environment. It is important for him to look at the reaction of other participants. This will help you see the situation from the outside and choose the most successful position for yourself.
Another session is based on the opposite effect - the patient simply shows his attitude towards a colleague who is annoying. Therapy participants can make their comments and give advice. The therapist should control everything and stop discussions if necessary.
Important note - all participants must be active and sincere. Inaction is the worst part of treatment.
Group therapy is a great way to solve problems
It happens that a person loves his job, but his work colleague really annoys him. Every breath, perfume, clothing style, behavior, thoughts enrages me. But if you concentrate on the work process, you may not notice this.
I found it on one site... Unfortunately, I don’t remember which one... I’m reposting it.
IT REALLY WORKS! So read carefully...
My enemy or how to communicate with an unpleasant person
An unpleasant, annoying person can sometimes turn our life into a tragedy. But why does it happen that we react calmly to someone, even if, in our opinion, he is wrong, and acts differently than we do, while we react to someone painfully and are very worried, even if we see him person for the first and last time?
Psychology proceeds from the fact that if a person is unpleasant to us, then the reason for this is projection. Projection is a defense mechanism based on the fact that a quality repressed from one’s personality is attributed to another person. We are annoyed by what we do not allow ourselves to do or what we do not allow ourselves to be. Our loved ones often turn out to be unpleasant people: partners, children, parents. And then this not only poisons life with the constant presence of a close, annoying person in it, but also destroys relationships and causes feelings of guilt or shame.
If you find that you are indeed projecting onto another person some repressed traits of your personality, this does not mean that you must necessarily remove the projection. This means you can increase your strength. Strength increases due to the fact that the repressed quality is integrated into the personality and returns integrity to the personality.
Exercise.
Think of a person who is unpleasant to you, or an abstract character who personifies an unpleasant, annoying quality. Describe it out loud or to yourself in as much detail as possible. Tell us why he irritates you so much, why he is unpleasant to you. What kind of person is he - angry, smug, blaming, critical, dissatisfied, rejecting, sarcastic, complaining, arrogant, etc.?
Show it, play it. Be this person and behave the same way he behaves. Speak as he speaks, move as he moves, gesture as he does. When speaking like him, use phrases, words that he says when addressing you or other people. Copy the tone and timbre of his voice. Transform yourself into him. Feel the field that he creates around himself, the atmosphere of his being.
What is the strength of such a person, what is his truth? Feel this power, allow yourself to become this power. Feel that it is impersonal, that it is just strength, quality, energy. Step deep into it, to the source of this power and be this power. Let this force move you and express itself through you, through your movements, through your body. Let you have an image of this power. It can be a real or mythical character, plant or animal.
How could this power, this quality or this energy be useful to you in your life? How could you use it to solve various life challenges? How could you use this power to interact with an unpleasant person? How would you resolve your conflict with him? In what areas of life could this power still be useful to you?
Tips for dealing with an unpleasant person:
1. Take a break from communicating with such a person in order to restore contact with yourself and understand what irritates or worries you so much about this person;
2. Try to figure out who you feel next to such a person, who, what you are like next to him;
3. Give yourself the opportunity to express the emotions that he evokes in you. If he makes you angry, allow yourself to be angry; if he annoys you, get annoyed; if he hurts you, experience the pain. Call the feeling by its name. Check to see if there is another feeling behind this feeling. Sometimes hostility goes away after you allow yourself to experience and express emotions;
4. Explain to yourself, preferably out loud or by putting your thoughts on paper, what the essence of your claims to this person is. Why is he unpleasant to you? Why do you dislike the quality he displays? Why did you decide that you cannot show such a quality or be such a person? When did you realize this? How did you know it was bad to be that person? Is this related to the norms and rules that are accepted in your family or did you decide this based on your experience?
5. Realize what you would like from this person. How would you like to deal with it? Can you afford it? If not, why not, what is stopping you?
Sometimes a person can be annoying to such an extent that you want to physically harm or destroy him. This can be very frightening, cause feelings of shame or guilt, and make it difficult to adequately deal with the situation. It is important to remember here that such desires are usually caused not by a real need to destroy or spoil health, but simply by the inability to express strong feelings for this person or the inability to take any retaliatory actions. Points 3 and 5 help relieve tension, restore contact with yourself, your feelings and motives.
Say out loud to the unpleasant person: “I am angry/offended at you/... Sometimes I have such a strong feeling for you... that I want you... This is caused... In fact, I want... When you are not in my life, I can ..."
6. Find a detached position from which you can look at the unpleasant person and yourself with equal dispassion. You can do this in one of the following ways:
a) find a place in the room that will be yours and put something there that symbolizes you. Then find a place that will belong to the unpleasant person, and also put some thing there. Then find a third place, which will belong to a complete stranger or some wise person, real or mythical figure, who can consider your situation impartially. Take turns sitting first in the unpleasant person’s place, then in your own place, and then move to the third;
b) feel your deepest essence, no matter what that means to you. What place on earth do you associate it with? It can also be an imaginary, non-existent place. Transport yourself there in your imagination, feel yourself there. Feel the power of this place. Now, from this place, look at the unpleasant person and yourself.
7. Do an exercise on mastering the power of an unpleasant person, highlighted in italics in the text, and try to understand what your action, what your reaction in interaction with such a person would be the most correct, appropriate, adequate to his behavior. Try to do this.
When something goes wrong, it's always your fault, not his. Common situation? When a person behaves this way and you have to tiptoe around them, use the following strategy to avoid conflict and prevent similar situations from occurring in the future.
This situation can be repeated many times, and if a person is involved who adequately assesses the situation, the problem can be solved quite quickly; if it affects someone who is in error, conflict is inevitable.
This behavior is based on low self-esteem. It seems to a person that everything that happens in his life is in one way or another due to the fact that they are trying to use him. For example, if you make him wait, he will decide that you don't care about his condition or that you don't respect him enough to show up for a meeting on time.
If you have high self-esteem, you will not hastily attribute a person’s tardiness to their attitude towards you; you would rather assume: something happened. Or decide that the person is making you wait, trying to feel his own importance. In this situation, do this: firstly, do not jump to conclusions that such actions indicate disrespect for you; secondly, if you do come to this conclusion, do not get angry - after all, you do not need someone else's respect in order to respect yourself.
Someone with low self-esteem thinks (mostly on a subconscious level) something like this: “This person doesn’t like me or respect me enough to treat me appropriately.” By accepting ourselves, we accept those around us. We perceive the outside world through the filter of our own self-image, and if this idea is distorted, our relationships with people worsen.
“I have to look at him!”
This is why we always want to see the driver who cut us off on the road. There is always an explanation for such an action, but if the driver looks like he did it deliberately, out of lack of respect, we become even angrier. If this driver had turned out to be an old woman, we would not have been very angry, assuming that she simply had poor eyesight, and would not have taken what happened to heart. In addition, we always want the person behind the wheel to confirm our idea of who exactly can drive a car like that, since this enhances the feeling of control over the situation - to know everything and always be right.
Low self-esteem makes a person self-centered, he begins to believe that the world revolves around him, and takes into account only his own desires and needs.
Self-esteem is the basis of self-esteem. Without respecting yourself, you cannot respect others. And if you also think that those around you do not respect you, then you admit that their actions were deliberate.
Psychological solution.
Are you tired of such phrases: “Because of you, I missed my turn” or “Why did you order this for me? You know that I don’t eat fried food,” or “Why aren’t the documents prepared? You had the whole night for this, didn’t you?” Then read on.
Solving this problem is quite simple. However, please note this first: no one has the right to insult you. If you feel like you've become a psychological punching bag for someone, do whatever it takes to change the situation.
Remember: people will treat you the way you allow them to. If you are dealing with someone who is at least somewhat reasonable, make it clear that their behavior is unacceptable.
But let's analyze a situation where it is not possible to do this - for example, if you are dealing with your boss, or your wife, or not very close family members.
The key to solving the problem is simple: give the other person what he so badly needs, and do it at the moment when he in a good mood. Thus, for the next aggravation of the situation, such a psychological climate will be created that your “enemy” will consider it inappropriate to find fault with you. He may choose another target for attacks, but this target will no longer be you. By applying this strategy, you become a source of psychological support for the person. That is why he cannot cut the notorious branch on which his psyche “sits”.
1. Instill self-respect.
The best defense is attack. Create a psychological reserve for your opponent so that he can use it if necessary. Below are simple ways to do this.
- Criticize a person only when absolutely necessary,
using the methods described in the article “How to criticize correctly without hurting feelings.” - When someone makes a mistake, support them and don't be too hard on them.
- Be tactful and polite when communicating.
- Do not discuss the person with others.
- Tell someone you know in common that you deeply respect and appreciate this person.
- Never humiliate your interlocutor or show your disrespect for him, especially in the presence of other people.
All these actions seem simple, but sometimes they are difficult to put into practice. However, their role in changing the relationship with a difficult person can be decisive.
2. Change a person's perception of himself.
You have to make the person identify with someone who won't pick on you and blame you for their problems.
This can be done through a simple but well thought out phrase. This situation requires that the other person perceives himself as a good-natured person, so you can say something like: “I admire how calm you are when things get crazy” or “I really appreciate you being patient with me.”
Phrases like these will help tap into such a powerful psychological factor as internal consistency. Thanks to these types of phrases, the person will feel an inner urge to act in accordance with your ideas about him, since you have touched his ego. People need their behavior to be consistent with how they see themselves and how they
in their opinion, how others perceive them. It sounds very simple, but numerous studies confirm that self-image is very easy to change through this technique. People with low self-esteem may do irrational things, but giving up their sense of self is not one of them.
3. Get the person to do something for you.
Now you become a source of support for this person, his admirer. For him to criticize you would be the same as criticizing himself, and even worse, since he seems to value you more, than he himself. (See the next article, How to Get Along with Unbalanced People, for other helpful techniques for dealing with this problem.)
Real life example.
The restaurant manager yells at the waiter for any reason, even the most insignificant.
Waiter [choosing the appropriate time]. Do you know what I respect you most about, Mr. Harris? You are always so calm in a tense situation, I just admire it.
Mr Harris. Well, sometimes I do lose my temper...
Waiter. None of us are immune from this. But you control yourself more than anyone else.
Mr. Harris now sees himself through the waiter's eyes. The next time a manager wants to raise his voice at his subordinate, he will stop himself (most likely subconsciously), because he does not want to destroy the image of a person who knows how to control himself.
The waiter also turns to the manager for advice, again choosing the right moment for this:
Mr. Harris, I know you are a wise man. This is very personal, but I want to ask you for advice about a problem that I have with a friend...
The manager will willingly give advice to the waiter, making an emotional investment in him. As with any investment, a person is not indifferent to their future fate. He will never harm the object of his investment. Mr. Harris will no longer yell at the waiter.
Short review.
To calm an irritable, hot-tempered person, do the following:
1) inspire him to respect you;
2) change his idea of himself - perceiving himself as another person, he will begin to behave like another person;
3) make him invest his feelings in you.
Irritation towards people and the origins of the resulting disharmony with oneself and the world around us. In the article, experienced specialists will recommend ways to resolve the problem in the most alternative way.
Causes of irritation towards people
The following factors can cause a wave of negativity towards other members of society in a person with a voiced problem:
- Rejection of other people. Misanthropes are people who literally hate all of humanity. They try to distance themselves even from their immediate environment, because it irritates them for any reason or without it.
- Personal animosity. Some individuals direct their negative energy exclusively towards a specific person. At the same time, they do not experience attacks of aggression towards other people, even if they are directly related to the stimulus object.
- Envy. An insurmountable obstacle on the path to a dream very often causes an outburst of irritation towards certain people. Some people will be infuriated by successful and rich people who do not have their own financial well-being, and some by happy family men when the envious person is not fulfilled in this area. A similar condition can occur even when a person is on a diet, and in front of his eyes people eagerly absorb high-calorie foods.
- Excessive requirements. Not each of us is able to soberly assess other people's capabilities against the background of our own imperfections. It is bias in this matter that can turn an adequate person into a person who is irritated by literally everyone around him.
- Personal problems. Betrayal or indifference of loved ones, troubles at work can cause a feeling of depression in the injured party. Contemplation of someone else's well-being makes such losers even more indignant.
- Psychological fatigue. People are constantly annoying if a person has been depressed for a long time. Emotional exhaustion is often accompanied by health problems, making the patient an irritable person.
- Hormonal fluctuations. Women during the so-called critical days and during menopause often lose control of their self-control. Even their husband and children are capable of throwing them out of balance with the most harmless act.
- Side effects of drugs. Some medications that are used for therapy in case of failure of the endocrine, cardiovascular system and during problems with the digestive tract can cause irritation in a person towards other people.
- Complex nature. Gloomy, unsociable and bilious individuals rarely have a positive attitude towards attempts to get closer to them. Hot-tempered and selfish individuals are also susceptible to bouts of discontent with any contact with society.
- Irritation towards outrageous personalities. People who like to shock society quite often cause irritation and censure from it. Outrage may arise due to the eccentric appearance of provocateurs or due to their unconventional behavior.
- Inability to maintain distance. This is especially noticeable when people are on public transport. Not everyone will like the fact that a complete stranger is clinging to him (even if for a forced reason).
- Alcohol abuse. Drunkards are rarely good-natured people who are pleasant to deal with. They will infuriate any adequate person, because he feels obvious negativity towards himself.
Note! When thinking about why people are annoying, you should look for the reasons first of all in yourself. External factors extremely rarely influence the appearance and course of a voiced emotional state, which can result in pathology.
How does a person who is annoyed by people behave?
In most cases, it is impossible to hide such a factor from others. When contacting someone they find unpleasant, such people begin to react as follows:
- Changing speech volume. If another person is annoying, then when talking to him the intonation changes dramatically. The conversation begins to be conducted in a raised tone and even with the use of unacceptable statements and expressions.
- Sudden movements. A friendly pat on the shoulder or a handshake is pleasant only to someone who is likable or does not evoke negative emotions. Otherwise, hostility will be expressed in nervous gestures and demonstrative poses of a person who is irritated by the need to contact a person she dislikes.
- Acceleration of eyeball movement. If doctors have not established anatomical disorders of this kind, then such a reaction to an irritating object is a signal of a person’s reluctance to communicate with other people in case of any encroachment on his territory.
- Rapid breathing. A vocal reaction to society and all its components is often a sign that an individual prefers privacy from society. Famous hermits reacted in this way on a physiological level to someone’s desire to make contact with them.
- Sweaty palms. A similar unpleasant phenomenon occurs in most cases with strong excitement, which does not always have a positive nature of formation.
- Aggressive behavior. If the contactee, despite the obvious reluctance to communicate with him, continues to insist on a conversation, then all this can end in a quarrel and even a fight.
Attention! Frequent emotional breakdowns ultimately lead to a disease such as neurosis. It can be almost impossible to get rid of it on your own, so psychologists do not recommend allowing a situation of internal discomfort to develop to such an extent.
Types of irritation towards people
Experts say that such manifestations of an emotional breakdown cannot always be characterized according to a single scheme. There are the following types of human behavior when rejecting other people:
- Irritation - fear. Any individual tries to isolate himself as much as possible from what scares him. If someone from the environment or the entire population of the planet as a whole causes horror in a person, then this factor will irritate him and push him to become a hermit.
- Rejection - resentment. Sometimes not only with an action or a careless word, but also with a sidelong glance, you can painfully wound the soul of an impressionable person. After the incident, she will begin to get nervous in the presence of the offender, trying in the future to avoid contact with him and witnesses to the unpleasant situation.
- Irritation - guilt. In some cases, people begin to feel uncomfortable around the person who has been hurt. Few people like to remember their unworthy act at every meeting with the offended party.
- Irritation - anger. Resentment towards another person can sometimes reach such proportions that it turns into real hatred. Meetings with the betrayed party evoke such negative emotions that it is better to avoid them completely.
How to get rid of irritation towards people
Ways to combat the factor that prevents you from fully existing in society depend on who exactly causes such a reaction. Since there are many reasons for a negative reaction, the solution to the problem is selected individually in each specific case.
How to deal with irritation towards all people
If a storm of negative emotions is caused by a large number of people, then you need to act according to the following plan:
- Controlling your own behavior. To do this, you first need to understand the origins of your true feelings. The human psyche is designed in such a way that adjustments can be made to its functioning. When irritation begins against any person, you should take a deep breath into your lungs and mentally count to ten.
- Refusal of illusions. No one is obliged to live up to the expectations of strangers. As life practice shows, ideal people do not exist. You should accept this fact and not impose your principles and views on life on anyone. With this approach, everything will be perceived much simpler and many far-fetched problems will be resolved.
- Getting rid of the dynamic stereotype. Do not light the fuse to avoid causing a powerful explosion. Some people automatically beat themselves up when they find themselves in the same situation. It is necessary to abstract yourself from it in order to avoid another emotional breakdown.
- Positive Thinking Method. In this case, you can even mentally make for yourself the hackneyed expression that all people are brothers and sisters to each other. But, as they say, you don’t choose your relatives.
- Elimination of diseases. Irritability towards people, as already mentioned, can be the cause of the occurrence and treatment of certain pathologies. When the source of mental discomfort is eliminated or drugs that provoke aggressive behavior are eliminated, communication with society will cease to be a significant problem.
- Healthy lifestyle. People who eat poorly, have bad habits and don't get enough sleep often turn into quite aggressive individuals. When the voiced problem is normalized, the desire to enter into conflict with someone may completely disappear.
- Refusal of envy. Each of us has our own personal qualities that need to be improved. Feeding black anger towards more successful people is a waste of time, which could be used for yourself in order to avoid irritability at the sight of someone else's well-being.
- Loyal attitude towards non-standard persons. The planet's population cannot be similar to each other, because in this case humanity will turn into a gray mass. It should be remembered that the same tattooed biker or gay person often turns out to be a wonderful person compared to some exemplary members of society.
How to eliminate irritation towards a specific person
If there are outbreaks of aggression towards a relative, friend or colleague, the following actions should be taken:
- Straight Talk. It can sometimes be extremely difficult to find a common language with an outsider, and with the immediate environment, simply in most cases no attempts were made to resolve the conflict. The expression that everything will resolve itself is definitely not suitable for a situation where children, parents or friends are annoying.
- Introspection. It is necessary to understand for yourself clear answers to the questions “Why should I take out internal problems on my loved ones?”, “Is it necessary to risk my career if I clearly dislike a colleague or boss?” or “Is it worth ruining your own and others’ health because of irritation towards your loved ones?”
- Refusal of attempts at re-education. If the matter does not concern moralizing in relation to the younger generation of the family, then psychologists recommend stopping raising adults. In difficult situations for your loved ones, you can give them practical advice, but under no circumstances should you criticize or draw hasty conclusions. Otherwise, they will rebel, and communication with them will irritate both parties.
- Slow time method. At the first symptoms of an attack of aggression towards loved ones or colleagues, you need to turn your perception of reality into slow-motion footage. It is recommended to concentrate on all the little things in order to channel the focus of your irritation into a different direction.
- Projecting the situation into the future. In this case, a very illustrative example will be Charles Dickens’s “A Christmas Carol,” where the greedy and unprincipled Scrooge was able to see his past, present and future. The ending of his life shocked the miser so much that he radically changed his behavior. A person who is irritated by some people should think about the possibility of losing contact with them forever.
- Looking at yourself from the outside. Before taking out your negativity on a loved one or just an acquaintance, experts recommend watching some movies. In this case, such masterpieces as “Kramer vs. Kramer”, “The Rose War” and “In Bed with the Enemy” are perfect.
- Taking out irritation on inanimate objects. Some people wonder what to do if someone they care about irritates them. If emotions run so high that blood rushes to your head, then you urgently need to stabilize your emotional state. This recommendation especially applies to choleric people, who can take out their negativity on a punching bag or pillow.
- Stopping communication with the irritant. If an acquaintance begins to evoke extremely negative emotions and at the same time does not want to behave differently, then you should get rid of such contact once and for all. A decent person is always aware of his mistakes, but an outright scoundrel will gladly continue to insult his victim.
In everyday life and, most importantly, at work, you constantly have to deal with people who are anxious, twitchy, nervous, unrestrained, ready to attack you almost with their fists if they think that they have been offended or insulted, although you never thought of anything like that.
One way or another, you have to deal and communicate with such people, whether you want it or not. As psychologists advise, the main thing in such communication is to get the response from the interlocutor that you would like to receive. To do this, you need to carefully monitor the body language and body movements of your “opponent.” The better you can master this, the more expert you will become in such matters, advises psychiatrist Mark Goulston, author of books on psychiatry and psychology. It is very important, the doctor notes, that when people show anxiety and concern, their brains literally jam due to the inability of the middle, emotional part of the brain to interact with the upper, rational part, writes hrliga.com. A person of great labor who finds himself in such a situation should restrain himself and not follow the primitive animal instinct according to the principle of “fight or flight.” However, he is still capable of doing something impulsively, and this will only make things worse for everyone. The fact is that a “jammed brain” cannot listen to instructions, much less carry them out. Thus, the more you talk to a nervous person, the more pressure you put on the middle part of his brain, which is why, ultimately, his brain will slam shut even faster, like the valves of a clam, and will not listen to your words. However, there are ways to communicate softly and trustingly , which could relieve tension and facilitate the performance of your interlocutor’s brain. It is very important to understand that the perception of your speaking style is not necessarily what you think it is. So, how can you most effectively meet the challenges of dialogue with nervous people?
- Do not allow a manner of conversation in which your interlocutor will feel that you are talking to him as if he is an “empty place” - this will offend him, and his first desire will be to “run away” and end the conversation at the first opportunity.
- You should not resort to the manner of instructions, as if you are pointing your finger in the face of the interlocutor. Your listeners will either take a submissive pose with their chin lowered to their neck, indicating with all their appearance: “Please don’t be angry with me,” or they, on the contrary, will lift their chin and narrow their eyes, as if making it clear: “Don’t you dare talk to me in that tone! »
- On the contrary, adopt a soft manner of speaking. Then your nervous interlocutors will begin to shake their heads in agreement, as if declaring: “yes, that makes sense.” This is the most common way to talk. Let it be constantly in your arsenal.
- There is another method of intimate conversation, as if the neurasthenic saw in front of him a loving parent or grandparents. Then the interlocutor, to whom you seemed to say the words: “everything will be fine, we can work everything out,” will relax from neck to shoulders. This is an example of "intimate conversation". Use it when the situation dictates.
- They easily intervene in conversations and interrupt interlocutors.
- They don't wait in line.
- They are ready to take advantage of the troubles of others.
- They revel in victory or success.
- But they are depressed and gloomy when they fail.
- They have no sense of justice.
- They cannot be classified as integral human characters.
- They long for you to never be loved.
- They would not want your sister (brother or child) to arrange their own personal family happiness.