How many times do we mentally return to the time when we could have “laid down a straw”, but we didn’t do it. And now we are faced with an unimaginable task - to find a way out of a difficult situation. Our brain is feverishly looking for options for the development of events, trying to have time not only to find the treasured “door”, but also to act so as not to “lose face”.
For some, a hopeless situation is like a labyrinth in which a person wanders in search of a solution to the problem. For others, it seems that the ground has disappeared from under their feet, and they are flying into the abyss. Each person perceives it differently. However, always ask yourself the question: “What should I do?” But never look for those to blame for your problem. What happened to you, first of all, is only your own fault. Do not waste your efforts on unnecessary clarification of relationships, direct them towards making constructive decisions.
Remember how Nikolai Fomenko spoke about hopeless situations? Brilliant saying: “Even if you are eaten, there are always two ways out.” Therefore, remember the rules for getting out of a difficult situation:
You are already inside this problem, it is impossible to avoid it, and you will not be able to return to the starting point.
Ask your acquaintances or friends for help. It may be easier for you to tell your problem to a stranger who will give you good advice.
Many people are used to solving their problems on their own. If you are one of them, close the doors, turn on quiet music, and start looking for a way out. Don’t force yourself to “bow” to strangers. If you don't want anyone else to take part in solving the problem, don't. Do it all yourself.
Breathing exercises.
While looking for a way out of the situation, a person remains in a state. At this moment, his blood pressure rises, his heart beats wildly, sweating increases, etc. Right now, breathing exercises (yoga, tai chi) will come in handy. It's good if you already know them, but it's never too late to start learning.
Nature has a relaxing effect on the human nervous system. This is especially true for large open bodies of water. Therefore, try to leave all your worries and go for a walk to the lake. Sit, think, look at the surface of the water, the swans and ducks swimming on it. Try to plunge into the water yourself. If it happens in the summer, then a river or lake is suitable, if in winter - a swimming pool. As a last resort, lie in the bathtub with a few drops of vanilla and rosemary. Water helps you concentrate, discard everything unnecessary, and come to the right decision.
Physical training.
In order to feel in good shape every day, it is not necessary to exercise to the point of exhaustion. To concentrate your thoughts on the problem, engage in monotonous, uncomplicated activities. For example, clean out your home, garage, or storage room.
Have you given up embroidery or knitting for a long time because you simply didn’t have enough time for it? Find it now. Be sure to do something pleasant and useful for yourself. Finally, if you have never had this hobby, go to the cinema.
Be healthy.
Of course, there is no direct relationship between the search for a way out and the state of your health. But to make good use of the time you spend looking for a way out of the situation, health prevention is a good idea. Every person thinks that tomorrow or the day after tomorrow he will go to the doctor and improve his health, which has deteriorated over the years. But tomorrow or the day after tomorrow may never come. Therefore, choose the moment when you feel too sorry for yourself, so you need to do something pleasant for your own body.
Of course, men will laugh now. But don’t lie! They also like this feminine word. Buy what you've been wanting for so long. Treat yourself to your loved one, because today too much has been spent on finding a way out of the situation. Have you been staring at those red shoes in the window for a long time? Buy them, finally, stroke your pride. Do you like alloy wheels that will look so great in the overall design of the car? Don't deny yourself anything! The joy of the purchase is above all! And in the evening, when the euphoria subsides and only a feeling of deep satisfaction remains, start looking for solutions again.
Every person in this life has a dream of an intangible plan. For some, it’s going to the opera, others want to be on the ocean shore under the moon, others dream of finally going to their parents in the village.
Life is too fleeting, and dreams remain unfulfilled. Therefore, if you have the financial opportunity, drop everything and go to adventure or to mom and dad. At one point, you realize that it was this trip or hike that became the starting point from which the process began, during which you found a way out of a conflict or other unpleasant situation.
Now we do not mean people who have become your friends. Let's talk about pets. Every person thinks about having a pet. Maybe this is the moment? Today he will delight you with his presence, and will not let you down after stress, and tomorrow you will become his best friend. Now you just need to choose who it will be - a puppy, a kitten, a parrot or silent fish.
Think about the problem, don't discount it. She won't go anywhere without your participation. After all, it is only yours, and no one can decide it for you. However, don’t go in a vicious circle, don’t drive yourself into a corner, much less into stress. Try to align your thoughts
This is a stupor that interferes with any development. If a person is confused in life, he stops enjoying what he has. Neither work, nor family, nor hobbies inspire. The desire and desire to move to new heights disappears. All because there seems to be a dead end in life ahead, and there is no meaning or joy in anything.
When life has reached a dead end, it is important to find a way out of it as quickly as possible. Otherwise, you risk being depressed. And the solution always lies on the surface. It’s just that the available options do not always satisfy us and motivate us enough to immediately begin to implement them. Sometimes we need to step over our “I”, somewhere we need to lower the bar, and sometimes admit that we are wrong. And getting out of the deadlock seems like an impossible task. But everything will not be so scary if you look at the situation from the outside. Imagine that this is not your problem and look at it as an outsider. Talk to yourself as if your friend is asking you for help. Without emotions and worries, it is always easier to find a rational solution.
If you have the feeling that the steering wheel has been torn out of your hands or that you are locked in, and there is no way out of such a situation, self-torment begins. You either withdraw into yourself and your problems, or think about how to get out of the dead end. Perhaps you got yourself there. What's the best option here? The answer is obvious - find a way out of the deadlock as quickly as possible.
Where to start looking for a way out of life's impasse?
Take a time out
When you don't know what to do now, don't do anything. Let go of thoughts and problems. Stop delving into your memory, looking for the reasons for all your failures and tormenting your brain. Just give yourself a break. Sometimes a minute's pause is enough for the decision to come by itself.
Get rid of anxiety
Never panic! Vanity clouds our consciousness and wastes our energy. Save your energy for constructive thinking. Think about the situation soberly and from the perspective of an outside spectator. If the problem is solvable, then the right path will eventually be found, and there is no need to worry. If the situation is unsolvable, then there is even less point in wasting energy on soul-searching. Direct it to parallel life tasks.
Source of inspiration
Start letting as many bright thoughts and promising ideas into your life as possible. Motivational videos, biographies and recommendations of successful people, quotes from philosophers, life films. Use everything that gives you inspiration, aims you to fight, makes you look for non-standard solutions. The exit from the dead end is nearby. Sometimes you just need to look around to find it.
What to do next with a dead end in life?
So, let's consider the main steps towards solving the problem:
Step one - believe that you are capable of taking the first step.
Only faith in your own strength will help you overcome your fears. There will definitely be a way out of the impasse. You can sit and wait for everything to change on its own, but only if you are absolutely sure that you are still ready for change.
Step two is readiness for change.
The pioneer slogan is “Be prepared. Always ready” is still relevant today. You have reached a dead end in life; you don’t know what to do. Finally, it seems to you that you have made the right decision - change your job, break off a burdensome relationship or close an unpromising business. And you do it. But for some reason you don’t get joy from what’s happening. The reason for this is your unpreparedness for such drastic and, as it seems to you, rational changes. The new job will also not be fun, you suddenly realize that the relationship was not so bad, and the business should not have been closed, but set on a different course.
Ask yourself how to get out of the deadlock as painlessly as possible? Maybe before you change jobs you need to learn new skills, accumulate capital, find a nanny for your child. Prepare the platform. Then radically change the situation. After all, if you want to jump with a parachute, you first need to acquire one. Then you will be ready for freedom at an altitude of 9000 meters above the ground.
Step three - swinging.
A dead end in life plunges us into a stagnant state. To “pump yourself up” you need to remember what it’s like to be energetic, passionate, sublime and purposeful. Remember yourself in this state, try to experience these emotions. This will help you get back to life. If all your life you have dreamed of repeating the experience of a week-long hike in the mountains, or going in for luge, or living in China, studying the culture and customs, decide to do this precisely when you are at a dead end in life.
Step four (and most important) is the challenge.
Challenge yourself. This will allow you to step out of your comfort zone and appreciate what is happening in a new way. Such a shake-up stimulates brain activity, increases self-esteem, and gives a boost of energy for subsequent steps. No, you don't have to become a world champion swimmer if you dare to finally learn to swim. But this skill can affect completely different areas of your life. The most important decisions come to us in unexpected moments, and not at all when we torment ourselves day after day searching for them.
What kind of challenge are we talking about?
- Sign up for dancing, even if you consider yourself “wooden”;
- Run a marathon;
- Give up your phone and internet for a week;
- Go on vacation to the mountains, not to the sea;
- Raft down a mountain river;
- Set a goal for 21 days to get up at 6 am and go for a run;
- Learn 5 poems;
- Learn to play a musical instrument;
- Pass a movie audition;
- Write a book;
- Go to the puppet theater;
- Sign up to volunteer;
- Meet three new people in one day, etc.
Think less, analyze less, just challenge yourself and take the risk of doing something you've always wanted.
Life's dead end is our visual representation. In fact, life is beautiful and full of new opportunities. Relax, tune yourself into a positive mood and get on with your life. All situations are given to us for rethinking, hardening and moving to a new level of self-development. Be prepared for the changes that await you after this life dead end. Challenging yourself won’t necessarily change your life overnight (although it’s possible), but it will help you get off the ground, feel empowered, and find a way out of life’s most difficult situations.
Instructions
Many psychologists argue that without a detailed analysis of a difficult situation it is impossible to find a way out of it. Therefore, first of all, you need to formulate the essence of the problem. However, you should not start such an analysis by looking for who is to blame for your misfortune, since this will be a waste of energy that you will need to find the most pleasant solutions. So sit down quietly, grab a pen and a piece of paper and describe the situation, taking time to cover as many small details as possible.
After this, try to think through all possible options for further developments. So, for example, you can write what will happen if you do or say one way or another, or if you do nothing at all. Next, describe in detail all the consequences arising from potential decisions. At the same time, it is worth noting only possible options for achieving positive results. Also describe the most terrible consequences that you can think of.
Your loved ones can also help you solve problems, so if you want, turn to them for advice. If you don’t want to burden them with your troubles, you can use the Internet and ask for help getting out of this situation on the forum or. Perhaps this is what will push you to the right decisions. In addition, do not forget that humanity has managed to find ways to solve many problems, and it would be nice if you took advantage of the experience of those who managed to find a way out of similar situations. Therefore, try to study as much information as possible on this topic.
Next, you need to choose the most successful one from all the options for getting out of the situation. However, do not become fixated on the problem and do not go headlong into it. Try to relax and give yourself time to organize your feelings and thoughts. For example, spending a long time in the fresh air, practicing your favorite hobby, yoga or sports will be very useful. You can also listen to your favorite music or watch movies. Water treatments are also great for relaxing, so you can treat yourself to a bath with aromatic oils.
It is easier to deal with a problem when she is alone and there is time to solve it. But if difficulties rain down on your head in a continuous series one after another, and there is no opportunity to shift at least some of them onto someone else’s shoulders, then you have to act differently.
Instructions
Don't escalate the situation. The internal reassurance “I can solve everything, but I need time for this” is much better than the attitude “nothing works, I can’t grab onto everything.” Therefore, a lot depends on how you perceive the situation and treat it. If you can’t think positively, then at least have a sober and realistic view.
Divide the problems. No matter how difficult the situation may be, there are always important and urgent issues. The main thing is to correctly determine the location of each difficulty and act accordingly. After all, if you are distracted by the urgent, then the important will suffer. And how it happens (one way or not) depends on the person setting priorities.
Analyze the situation. Instead of internally rushing from side to side, sit down and write answers to the following questions:
What is the essence of the problem and what contributed to its occurrence?
- What's the worst thing it can turn out to be?
- What can be done in such a situation?
- How to prevent it by choosing alternative solutions?
By answering these questions clearly, calmly and without emotion, you will understand in which direction to move next.
Get advice. This is especially important when the situation concerns not only you. Keep in mind that people related to it have the right to participate in the discussion of the issue along with you. But even if you have difficulties directly, then an outside perspective will not be superfluous - perhaps you will hear a solution that you could not come to on your own due to excessive worries.
We give out advice left and right that there is a way out of any unpleasant situation, and even more than one. We tune in to the positive and try to console others that not everything is as bad as it seems at first glance. But when we ourselves are overwhelmed by troubles that are approaching from all sides, the advice that we ourselves offered looks simply ridiculous and helpless.
What to do in a difficult life situation where you see only one dead end? There are effective tips on what to do in this case.
1. First of all, try to calm down and stop. There is no need to quickly rush headlong into the pool and take incomprehensible actions that can lead to even bigger problems. You need to pause and decide where you are and how you ended up in this position. Take time to reflect on why it turned out the way it did and not something completely different. When you can find the entrance, then you will find the exit in one moment.
2. Effective advice on how to get out of a dead end is to get rid of the emotions overwhelming you at that moment. Fear, anger, and disappointment prevent you from concentrating normally in the face of a problem. Often our negative emotions, which acquire enormous proportions, we make mountains out of molehills and see absolutely no way out, just a dead end. If you want to smash something to smithereens - do it, you want to scream and swear - go ahead, give vent to your anger, do not hold destructive energy within yourself.
3. When you are overcome by complete devastation, only then bright thoughts will begin to come into your head and everything will become clearer from a different angle. Make yourself a tea with lemon and ginger, or brew some hot coffee; energy drinks will help your brain work faster. Take a piece of paper and start writing down absolutely all ideas for getting out of a deadlock situation, even the most absurd ones; in such cases, all means are good.
4. Do not think alone, seek help from your comrades and loved ones who have not turned away in difficult times. There is a proverb: “One head is good, but two are better.” Perhaps they will offer their own options that will be useful to you, because sometimes you know better from the outside.
5. The next step will be a full analysis of the proposed ideas. Weigh up all the pros and cons. Make three thorough plans to get out of a crisis situation. Plan A and B are the most effective, and plan C is a backup. Clearly thought-out scenarios with several options give a much higher percentage of success than just one.
6. In a difficult life situation, gather your strength and spirit and begin to put your anti-crisis plan into action. By going step by step, without stepping back, you will achieve what you want and get out of the troubles surrounding your life, and the understanding of what to do will come by itself.
7. In difficult times, people who care about you and to whom you are very dear will help you survive misfortunes. Don't push them away or isolate them from your society, let them help you. You can even ask them for help yourself, in such situations you understand who the most devoted and faithful people are.
8. In our lives, we rely a lot on circumstances, while understanding that they do not promise anything good. You can't do that. We create our own destiny, so pull yourself together and don’t let circumstances get the better of you.
9. Another effective way to get out of a deadlock situation is to exclude people with. In every person’s environment, there will definitely be a person who will exaggerate and lower your faith in yourself. Such people do not see happiness and positive aspects; they have only negativity around them. If possible, avoid them, do not let them lower your self-esteem, otherwise you will panic and give up.
10. When you're in trouble, look for something that will motivate you while you get out of the situation. Strive to communicate with those who believe in you and know that you can withstand any blow.
11. In difficult moments, you should not be afraid to take risks and think about mistakes, every person has them. It would be stupid to sit idly by. Every mistake you make will be a lesson from which you will gain useful and necessary information.
12. Don't listen to those who say they know how best to live and be. They will constantly remind you and poke you about your past mistakes. Send them away from you, let them hang noodles on the ears of others, losers just like them. This is your life and only you can decide whether you can get out of trouble or not. Believe in yourself and you will succeed. You are not a loser, but a winner!
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Positive psychology 08.10.2016
Dear readers, each of us, at least once in our lives, has found ourselves in crisis situations, and everyone knows that “saving drowning people is the work of the drowning people themselves,” and that, even if everything is very bad, there is still a way out!
And today on the blog I want to present to you a kind of continuation of the topic raised in the article from Marina Tamilova, a teacher, psychologist and person of diverse hobbies. I give the floor to Marina, who this time will share with you her own recipe for getting out of difficult life situations that often abound in our lives.
Dear readers, in today’s article I want to offer you my personal, working, method of pulling yourself out of a dead end in life. No matter how bad you feel, sooner or later you will have to pull yourself together and move forward. I hope I can help you with this...
What's the worst thing in life?
Life often presents a person with surprises: both pleasant and unpleasant. Some have more pleasant things, while others have the opposite. Sometimes people live for years in misfortunes and stress, not just imagined, but very real: an endless series of illnesses, deaths of relatives, impoverishment, family breakdown and even homelessness. Such troubles simply kill a person from the inside, destroying his soul and leading him further and further from unity with the Absolute.
The worst thing in this situation is that many cannot stand it (and they can be understood), they are offended by the whole world and turn away from the Source from which we all came. It is very difficult not to be offended when the most difficult trials befall you. While other people live and enjoy life to the fullest. How to explain to a normal person who is trying to live according to his conscience that all problems come from himself, and people and God have absolutely nothing to do with it.
You should always understand that the life situation you have in the present is the result of your actions or, conversely, inaction in the past. There is no point in being offended by this. A person always has a choice: to be offended or not, to help someone, to return evil for evil or not, to choose this particular person or another as a spouse, to accept a low-paid job and complain about poverty, or to take responsibility for one’s life and create yourself anew in accordance with your ideas about your own life.
Most often, a person chooses to do nothing because he is scared and does not know what awaits ahead. We are not used to freedom. Especially the older generation, who grew up in the Soviet Union and are accustomed to the fact that everything in life is written down and understandable. At that time, a good education guaranteed employment and good earnings, but now it does not. Many forty-year-old, well-educated people became confused and could not find their place in life, which led to a series of suicides and mental disorders in the 90s.
“Thanks to” perestroika, we lost several generations of “psychological children, teenagers and young men” who simply could not adapt. The more resilient survived and rose up, able to fight for their “place in the sun” both physically and mentally. But only 10% of the population is like that. They are the ones who occupy places on the Forbes lists.
The most difficult thing in our time is for “psychological young people” - these are people, often with several higher educations, very smart and comprehensively educated. Unfortunately, they are used to thinking a lot, but not doing. That is why they are at very low levels of society, and sometimes below the poverty line, if they were unable to adequately “sell” their intellect. In general, most people behave as if they have 500 years left to live, as Bill Gates once put it.
Life's dead end. What to do? How to find a way out of a difficult situation
There are several options:
- go to people for help;
- help someone who is worse off;
- carry out general cleaning of the house;
- get rid of negative thoughts and beliefs;
- forgive everyone;
- stop being offended altogether;
- get out of your comfort zone;
- take responsibility for your life.
The last item on this list is the most important. You need to understand that no one, instead of you, will create you anew or make you a completely different person.
They can help you financially, if you’re lucky, they can help you with work, but no one, instead of you, will mold you into a new strong personality who will be able to live by your own rules and at the same time succeed. Nobody argues that it is difficult. Especially when there is emotional instability. Periods of inspiration and activity are replaced by times of complete despair and the feeling that nothing will ever work out, and it is better to “go with the flow”, leaving everything as it is. And now specifically what you personally need to do to change your life.
Mapping out our life
Sit in silence and write down in detail what you want in life. Do not be shy. For example, if you want a yacht and a villa in Italy, then write, no matter how stupid and unrealistic it all may seem to you.
Visualization
Find bright pictures of your future life, stick them on a large sheet of whatman paper along with your photographs in luxurious interiors next to a handsome prince or princess. Whatman paper needs to be hung in the most visible place in your apartment. This is very inspiring.
Looking for inspiration
Find music and meditation that inspires you personally on the Internet and listen to it every day.
What about grievances?
Get rid of all grievances honestly and be sure that if you don’t do this, it’s the same as “to spite the conductor” - buy a ticket and walk. It is the accumulated grievances and the old rubbish of unfinished affairs and desires that does not allow you to move forward. If you are a Christian, go to church often and pray. For some, this helps a lot in difficult situations. Confess, take communion, light candles and pray for everyone who has offended you. This will bring invaluable benefits to your soul.
Moments of kickbacks
In moments of “kickbacks”, when you want to roar and do nothing, sit and roar, break dishes, throw things around, dance until you drop to let off steam. And when the hysteria ends, put things in order and start all over again. Over time, such disruptions will become less and less common. Everyone has them. It is your EGO that resists releasing you into a new bright life. Not only the EGO resists, but also the egregor of the negativity that you have been accumulating for years. Egregors are unique energy fields to which each of us is connected. Egregors feed on your emotions. If you live mostly in negativity, then you attract negative egregors to yourself, who do not benefit from you changing.
Little steps and baby steps
Do a little something every day to move towards your goal. Don't be upset because you can't do it. Sooner or later it will work out if you are persistent enough and don’t stop halfway. If you don’t regularly create yourself and your life, then life, the environment and other people will create you, and they will do it in such a way that you will not like it at all.
Our action plan
Make a plan for your actions in the real world and a list of psychological practices that you need to perform every day to get out of a crisis situation. Exercise helps you move forward and neutralize fears, anxiety and pessimism. Also include regular physical activity in your daily schedule, since your body is the “temple of the soul.” The better your body is, the more energy, will and strength you have to create your new life.
Just start doing
It must be said that many people do everything I wrote about above, but never move on to real action, unable to move themselves at all. This happens because your thoughts are still negative. Subconsciously, you do not yet believe in yourself and feel that you are unworthy of change.
What to do about it? It will take time for you to develop the habit of replacing each of your negative thoughts with 2-3 positive ones. For example: “I won’t succeed” you can replace with “I am God’s beloved child, and all his blessings are created for me”, “if God is for me, then who is against me?”, “I always succeed because that God directs all my actions.”
For atheists and representatives of other religions, I note that the word God here means the Creator of all things, the Universe, which exists independently of any beliefs and religions created by man. This is the Absolute, which is above everything and which is the most powerful energy of unconditional love from which we all came.
In addition to cleansing your thoughts, you will also need to cleanse your body, which is also accustomed to experiencing suffering. Slags and toxins accumulate in the body not only from alcohol, nicotine and junk food, which we all consume, especially in moments of psychological stress and melancholy. Negativity from corresponding mental thought forms also gets stuck in the body. We feel it in tense muscles, a distorted and gloomy face, and chronic diseases. That is why massage, releasing body blocks and physical exercises must be made your constant companions on the path to a brighter future.
Effective practices for getting out of life's impasse
In conclusion, I will give several effective first aid methods when the thought that “everything is bad and will always be like this” has once again struck:
- smile - to let the body know that everything is fine;
- jump - to shake and invigorate the body;
- walking, sitting and living only with a straight back - this is fundamentally important, because... energy flows through the spine;
- pinch yourself by the little finger - to pull you out of bad thoughts;
- to the question “how are you?” ALWAYS answer “the best!”;
- take different routes home and to work, preferably on foot, to create a feeling of change and vigor.
When you learn to pull yourself out of a state of melancholy using such methods, you can more closely focus on tuning into the positive wave of your inner world using the techniques indicated in this article.
I thank Marina for her thoughts. On my own behalf, I want to say that you should never give up, no matter what happens in your life. If something happens, these are all just our lessons. This means that for some reason we need to go through everything. I've been through so much myself. And every time I looked for a way out of their crisis.
Perhaps many will say, after reading the steps, all this is trivial, I did it, it didn’t help me, nothing can be changed, and some of these thoughts will continue. I would like to emphasize this point: when a person is stressed, it is very rare that he himself will be able to get out of the crisis. Emotions just run wild and prevent us from thinking. The exception is people who already have a lot of wisdom, a lot of knowledge about our work on ourselves.
Do not isolate yourself under any circumstances! Look for a person, perhaps a professional, who will be close to you, whom you can hear. This could be a psychologist, a wise friend, or useful useful books. And ask the Universe for help. I remember how, in the most difficult times, I would go to the window in the evening, look at the starry sky, ask questions and ask for strength to cope.
There is no one recipe for everyone. We are all different. But you definitely need to look for something that will help you get out of a crisis situation. This is our path.
And the most important thing for all of us, as Marina correctly wrote, is to make our CHOICE. This applies to everything. And health, and wonderful work worthy of you, and a loved one nearby, and simple joys. I wish everyone a worthy choice, wisdom and steps, work in this direction.
Dear readers, it is difficult to capture the immensity in one article. If you're having a hard time, check out our section. I am sure that you will find a lot of useful things for yourself. Perhaps this is where your work on yourself will begin, including getting out of the crisis.
And more news from me from our creative team. Our autumn issue of the magazine “Scents of Happiness” - Wings of Autumn - has been released. You can find out everything here.
Autumn issue of Scents of Happiness
And for the soul we will listen to Richard Clayderman Mariage d'amour. Relax with pleasant music.
see also
19 comments
Answer
Elina
09 Feb 2017 at 17:33
Answer