Methods of psychological resilience:
Rationalization;
- switching;
- catharsis (purification);
- light gap method;
- Rosenzweig drawing test;
- “paper vest”;
- black envy;
- color-savior;
- a broken bottle of kefir on the asphalt;
- autogenic training.
Rationalization method
Rationalization is a conscious change in attitude towards a situation that is traumatic to the psyche, while either the situation ceases to be traumatic, or an ambiguous attitude towards the situation is eliminated, thereby eliminating the conflict. It is considered unacceptable to refuse to search for a solution, to be in a state of a pendulum without a fulcrum. The conflict must be overcome only through your own efforts; interference in your internal affairs will lead to negative consequences.
An example of rationalization is given in Krylov’s fable “The Fox and the Grapes.” Remember the finale? The fox changed her attitude towards the grapes: she decided that the grapes were not ripe, they were green, so she lost the desire to feast on them (although the real reason was that she simply could not reach the grapes), and the question was settled. A good confirmation of our founding phrase “it doesn’t matter what happens, it’s how I feel about it.”
The ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus was concerned with the issue of overcoming negative emotions after a conflict and to prevent conflict. He developed a technique called “temporal contrast.” Epicurus advised comparing actually occurring unpleasant events with possible more unfavorable ones. “It could have been worse” is the main thesis of his teaching. The mechanism of struggle, according to Epicurus, with negative reactions: “all desires, the dissatisfaction of which does not lead to pain, are not necessary: the incentives for them are easy to dispel by presenting the object of desire as difficult to achieve or harmful...”.
- Try to reduce the significance (emotional coloring) of the event, compare your suffering and sorrows with more difficult trials.
- Tell yourself more often “it’s so good that...”, “it’s amazing how...”.
- Eliminate from circulation expressions beginning with “sad that...”, “it’s a pity that...”, “unfortunately...”
- Try to avoid conflict situations.
- If a conflict has occurred, think not about it (it is already a fait accompli), but about how to overcome it (the relationship between the words “why” and “how”).
Ways to overcome negative emotions are superbly described by the subtle psychologist and wonderful writer A.P. Chekhov in the humorous story “Life is Beautiful!”
Look for a volume by A.P. Chekhov and read about the mechanism of psychological defense according to Chekhov.
Found... Read... Isn't it all very clearly and aptly noted?
“Life is a most unpleasant thing, but it is very easy to make it beautiful... In order to feel happiness without limits, even in moments of grief and sadness, you need: a) to be able to be content with the present and b) to rejoice in the knowledge that “it could have been worse” “...Follow, man, my advice, and your life will consist of continuous rejoicing” (A.P. Chekhov).
Regarding the advice to “be able to be content with the present.” The advice is as old as life itself. Remember the test about a glass that is half full, one says it is half empty, the other says it is half full. How do you feel about a glass half full?
Switching method
The switching method is to switch desires that are unacceptable at the moment towards acceptable ones. A person needs a means of emotional release, especially when the situation is protracted. Due to the potential for negative emotions to develop, a lightning rod for emotions is needed.
A lightning rod can be a sports competition, a theater or concert performance, reading books, a walk in the woods, visiting a skating rink, etc. The level of culture of a society determines the forms of relieving emotional stress that direct its energy in a useful or safe direction. It is known that well-spent holidays and fun, active recreation contribute to the normalization of emotional life.
Humor can be considered a form of psychological defense. Karel Capek noted: “They joke more often in a difficult situation, in trouble, than at the height of happiness and success. Humor is always a little protection from fate.” Aristotle taught: “A joke is a release of tension, since it is a relaxation.”
The switching method (one of the options) is a hobby. A hobby that captivates a person outside of his professional activities. A positive point: a person independently chooses what he likes, without indoctrination or advice.
The method of switching includes a very simple but effective technique: when you feel that negative emotions are starting to overwhelm you, your breathing rhythm is disturbed, your heart beats like after a marathon, try to find a small object (homemade product) in your pocket and tightly squeeze it in your hand, a feeling of lightness pain will sober you up. The technique used by scouts was built on the same principle: in order not to give themselves away at a difficult moment, they would bite their cheeks, thereby relieving nervous tension. Note that signs of neurotization in children and adults are bitten nails and bitten or “eaten” mucous membranes of the lips and cheeks.
Catharsis method
The catharsis method (purification method) is a way to neutralize negative emotions. This method has been known for more than 2 centuries and was used by Aristotle.
Aristotle believed that tragedy makes one experience fear, anger, suffering, and thereby purifies a person’s state of mind: “...unexperienced fear or anger cannot alleviate mental anguish.”
Sigmund Freud used catharsis to treat neuroses. The patient, in the presence of a doctor, must re-experience the traumatic situation, realize it and, having responded correctly, get rid of the painful symptoms.
Does it really look like something? In a simplified version, this is a conversation between friends, when they share troubles and adversities with each other, thereby relieving their souls by reliving disturbing situations. Girlfriends are good, but why sometimes these conversations don’t bring relief? Because we are waiting for understanding not in terms of resolving the conflict, but in terms of confirmation that we are right in it. How we want to have the last word, we are ready to shout, prove, be offended, get angry. Remember your last conflict, its cause - anything worthwhile? I think not, but we elevate everything to the level of a global catastrophe and suffer from it.
You will say that a person should decide everything himself. Yes, on his own, but he is waiting for a hint, and maybe he came to you for this hint. And don’t play the role of a knowledgeable prompter; in most cases, a person, having told his story more than once, already knows the answer, and comes to you for another portion of understanding, just listen to him.
Light gap method
Our life is replete with difficulties and collisions and serves as a kind of simulator for psychological stability. Using the “light gaps” method as an example. The point is that you set yourself a time when you consciously control your own emotions, without giving free rein to irritability and temper. Usually they start with a 15-minute light interval, and choose an unfavorable time for this (conflicts at home, at work). Every day the duration of light intervals increases by 5-10 minutes, they are carried out 2-3 times a day. It doesn’t matter, if a breakdown occurs, you should reduce the duration of the intervals by 5-10 minutes.
Before each light interval, you should perform breathing exercises: take a deep breath on a count of 1-2-3, hold your breath - 4-5-6, slowly exhale - 7-8-9-10, repeat this exercise several times.
Rosenzweig drawing test
It is suggested to look at certain drawings-tasks, imagine yourself in the role of a hero and determine your line of behavior. Write your answer in the free square of the picture. You need to answer quickly, with the first phrase that comes to mind. You must answer frankly and as quickly as possible.
It is vital for you to develop your own rhythm of resistance and protection; moreover, you need to teach these methods to your children and loved ones so that confidence and calm will settle in your family.
"Paper-vest" method
Black envy
It is common for a person to dream of more than he currently has, only one dreams and takes action to achieve his goal, the other only dreams. The result is obvious: one gets a certain percentage of his dreams, the other gets nothing. As a result, resentment arises at the injustice in life, and moreover, envy.
Envy is a good feeling in itself; a little envy encourages action, and this is positive, white envy. There is also black, negative envy, which, like a worm, eats away a person from the inside. He becomes irritable with frequent mood swings, etc. The result is illness, shortened life expectancy, even death. “Envy ruined man.” You've probably heard this expression.
Envy is a growing flow of negative emotions that prevailed, nullified the processes of adaptation, turned vital forces towards discord and confusion, thereby plunging the body into a whirlpool of uncontrollability and inconsistency.
Color savior
Many people identify events with colors. Each person, depending on the situation, tends to think in color categories: depressed mood - colors are dull, brown, gray; strong, extreme stress - black color; joy - sunny, bright, rich color; calm - blue, green, etc.
Try to associate your offender with a color. Typically, most people choose red, but this is not necessary. Now remember what color the person you don’t notice is associated with; according to statistics, this color is gray (gray mouse). Your task is to transfer the offender from annoying red to neutral, indifferent gray. The exercise consists of several switches of the offender into a gray mouse; every day, when you see the offender, you will turn on the association of a gray mouse. You will be surprised, but after a while the “red” offender will become a gray mouse.
Using this technique, you can work on the associations of sadness - joy, anxiety - calmness and others, identifying each concept with a color.
Each given exercise gradually normalizes the emotional background, eliminates chaos in the head, puts thoughts in order, and restores mental balance.
We have already repeated many times that the situation remains insoluble until you resolve it yourself.
There is a direct relationship between the duration of the situation and the time of occurrence of painful sensations: the longer the conflict is not resolved, the greater the likelihood of painful reactions occurring (provided that you do nothing to combat stress).
The first of all organs to begin to fail is the heart. Remember how it warns you, resists, knocks, jumps out, asks you to take pity and pay attention to it, and when it does not find understanding, it becomes exhausted, wearily surrenders itself to the disease. Do you want to be sick? What have you done to alleviate your condition?
Broken bottle of kefir on the asphalt
This phrase contains deep psychological meaning. What do you think this phrase implies?
The meaning is both simple and deep: why stand and look at a bottle of kefir that has broken? Kefir leaks out, you can’t collect it, you can’t glue the bottle together.
The event happened. Now you need to decide what to do. Tears of sorrow will not help. Now it is up to you what you will do. All in your hands.
We again call you to action, think about yourself and your health.
Don’t hide, don’t run away from the conflict, act, continue to look for a way out in any, even the most difficult situation.
Autogenic training
Autogenic training (from the Latin “auto” - “oneself”, “genos” - “genus”, “acting on oneself”) helps relieve fatigue, nervous tension, tightness, and stiffness. This is very important for those who are prone to negative emotional experiences and who lead an armchair, sedentary lifestyle. Autogenic training has higher and lower levels. Classes begin with learning to relax the muscles until a feeling of heaviness appears. After this, exercises are carried out to achieve the ability to cause a feeling of warmth or cold, changing blood flow and heat transfer (regulation of the activity of the cardiovascular system). Mastering the highest level of autotraining makes it possible to achieve special states of consciousness.
After you master the techniques of auto-training, you will be able to practice on your own, improving the technique of auto-training.
Auto-training is usually used to relieve anxiety before exams or a business meeting, the results of which are especially important for a person. To achieve the most positive results, you need to be calm and balanced; unnecessary excitement can ruin all efforts aimed at achieving the goal.
However, absolute calm can act in extreme situations to the detriment of health. Remember, excitement is different.
Highlight two types of stress: distress and eustress.
Distress causes harm to the body and personality.
Eustress is useful, it helps to mobilize all the body's defenses at the right time. To achieve a high result, an athlete must experience healthy excitement before the start. How to determine a normal level of anxiety? The person himself, based on his own experience, can assess how deeply he should experience the upcoming event in order to achieve the desired result and reveal his capabilities.
The inability to control our emotions sometimes has a negative impact on our relationships with other people. If you want to avoid problems in many areas of life due to the inability to suppress your anger, jealousy and other negative feelings, then we recommend that you use some simple tips.
Managing your own emotions - benefit or harm
It is worth understanding that controlling emotions does not imply a ban on emotions in general. We are talking about cultivating an internal culture, which, as a rule, characterizes decent and self-confident people. Please note that there is nothing wrong with freely demonstrating your spontaneous positive emotions, but this should in no way prevent you from suppressing negative manifestations of feelings in special situations. As you already understand, control of emotions can be called management, first of all, involuntary emotions, which in turn can be called one of the most important components of a person’s self-control. It is also important to understand that control in no way equals prohibition. If you learn to control your emotions well at the right time, then, of course, this will only work in your favor. When a person is truly mature, he will not complain about the lack of self-control - he diligently develops it. And in general, complaints are behavior inherent in children and “adult children” who do not want to grow up. As a result, we can conclude that for a comfortable life in society, control of emotions is still necessary. However, for a neurotic and unrestrained person this will not be easy - in this case, such a task can do more harm than good. Such a person will become even more irritated, and in the end the situation may turn out to be worse than it was initially. At the same time, it is important to emphasize that a total inability to restrain oneself is a mental disorder, no matter how serious it may sound. It may make sense to consult a specialist. If you learn to manage your emotions, then there will be no need to control them. Remember that the spontaneous nature of emotions interferes with our achievement of long-term goals - with our mood swings we can complicate our own lives at the most inopportune moment. It is very difficult for a person who regularly succumbs to emotional outbursts to come to the realization of his true purpose.How to learn to control and manage your emotions
Often we are overcome by emotions at the wrong moment when we need them. Not always any of our reactions is an adequate response in a given situation. You've probably noticed yourself that in moments of emotional outburst, we often think much worse than in a calm state. Sometimes, you just need to distance yourself from the situation, but internal impulses simply do not allow you to do this. And yet, a person who has managed to make himself a developed personality understands how useful the ability to manage his emotions is. Also, many probably understand that a well-mannered person differs from an ill-mannered person in that he is able to control himself, even when it is quite difficult. In general, self-control is very important. What techniques can be used to cultivate self-restraint? "Keep" your face This advice is very simple, but has a tremendous effect. Even if a negative emotion has already arisen in you, do not let it show on your face! If you manage to do this, the intensity of your emotions will clearly decrease. With some effort, you will probably be able to develop the skill of “calm presence.” As you know, Indians are famous for the fact that they often skillfully control their emotions - not a single muscle on their face flinches when they are angry, disappointed or surprised. Perhaps, such a reaction reveals the true inner strength of a person. Conclusion: no matter what storms overcome you inside, you should not show it outwardly. Breath In peak situations, it is important to monitor your breathing - when its rhythm changes, your emotional state also changes. Just calmly inhale and exhale, and your condition will gradually return to normal.
When you're the boss, you need to learn to control yourself emotionally.
People who find themselves in leadership positions often, over time, cease to adequately evaluate their colleagues, demanding more from them than they are capable or able to give. As a result, an employee who does not live up to expectations comes under emotional fire. Think about it, perhaps a similar situation has developed in your team, and you are simply demanding more from people than they are required to do. If this is not the case at all, and you understand that the employee has failed to cope with his immediate responsibilities, then it is much more effective to reprimand him in a cold and stern tone than to resort to shouting.Ways to cope with emotions when you are a subordinate
The most important thing is not to try on the image of a victim. Sometimes, an employee who is insulted by a manager almost “relishes” the painful phrases that he voices. The person does not analyze the words spoken, does not think what caused them - he simply accumulates hatred towards the boss. Of course, it is not easy to be neutral towards a person who radiates negativity in your direction, but it is also important to remember that hatred destroys personality, so you should not cherish it. Perhaps in some similar situation you are not able to give a worthy rebuff, but you are certainly capable of ignoring it. When you realize that the situation has reached its peak, simply turn off your consciousness. There is no need to prove anything to your opponent. Wait until he speaks out, and only then calmly tell him what you wanted. Don’t worry that it won’t be done in a timely manner – it won’t cancel the desired effect.How to become emotionally resilient in any situation
Learn to deal with negative emotions and not give in to them
If you develop the skills listed below, it will be much easier for you to learn to manage your emotions.- Attention management. You should pay attention to important, positive things, and try not to focus on the negative. Control of facial expressions. In especially difficult situations, it is advisable to save face and not show that you are overcome by any negative emotions. Developed imagination. Helps, if necessary, to escape from unpleasant situations and “switch” to something else. Breathing. When you learn to control your breathing, it will be easier for you to calm yourself.
You shouldn’t suppress or hide your emotions - it’s important to be able to control them
As we have already noted, you should not prohibit yourself from showing emotions. We are talking about something completely different - emotions need to be kept under control! Do not give free rein to too negative expressions of feelings, and allow yourself to demonstrate a positive mood. Let's find out what a person who is unable to control negative emotions can lose. 1) State of positivity A person who is overcome by negative feelings is hardly able to think positively. Having succumbed to the influence of anger, malice, or something like that, he is unlikely to be able to “tune in” to a different wavelength in the near future. 2) Calm Sometimes this is even more important than a state of positivity. A person who is in a calm state is always able to think more soberly than one who is subject to the emotions that overwhelm him. 3) Relationships Unfortunately, many relationships, which include love, friendship, and business, collapse due to the fact that someone failed to contain the flow of negativity in time. Often this behavior undermines trust, kills feelings, which ultimately often leads to a break in relationships. 4) Reputation A person who allows himself to frequently display negative emotions is unlikely to have a reputation as a respected and adequate person. When you don’t know what to expect from your interlocutor or you assume that he might suddenly flare up or something like that, you try to limit communication with him. Gradually an opinion is formed about a person that does not suit him at all. 5) Control over life Anyone who is unable to control their emotions cannot fully control their life. By succumbing to a sudden impulse, a person can lose a lot or face other unpleasant consequences of his impulse. As a result, the life of such a person is less successful than it could be. In general, the list of losses does not end there, but even from the points listed it is obvious that lack of control over emotions can sometimes lead to an unpleasant outcome.
Techniques to cope with excessive emotionality
Identification technique. It can help in some peak situations when you need to control yourself. In such cases, it is useful to imagine yourself not as yourself, but as someone else. You can try on the image of some hero or person you want to be like in such moments. Accordingly, you should react and act in the same way as the person with whom you identify yourself would do. The method is quite suitable for creative people with a developed imagination. Self-hypnosis technique. You can easily use a simplified self-hypnosis technique. At the right moment, you should say certain attitudes to yourself: “I am in control of myself,” “I am invulnerable and calm,” “Nothing will make me angry,” and the like.Books for parents on managing emotions
If you understand that your family members are not always able to cope with the intensity of any emotions, then, of course, it makes sense to read literature that teaches how to cope with the manifestation of negativity. Which books should you pay special attention to? You may like the technique that Richard Fitfield offers in his work “Managing Emotions. Creating harmonious relationships." You can also find a lot of useful information in the book “New Positive Psychology: A Scientific View of Happiness and the Meaning of Life” (Seligman Martin E.P.). Many parents can be helped in managing emotions by the work of Capponi V. and Novak T. “Your own psychologist” or Rainwater J. “It’s in your power. How to become your own psychotherapist." Managing emotions does not need to be presented as a particularly difficult task, however, it is also not worth not attaching importance to it. Often, it is difficult to achieve the set goal for people who have already missed the moment of the emergence of an emotion, have not warned it and the actions of the interlocutors who created these emotions. It is not difficult for an experienced specialist to understand whether a person is able to keep his emotions under control by studying his “body language”. If a person is calm, his body is relaxed and collected, he is probably able to master his state at the right time. If a person’s movements are chaotic, his gaze is uncertain or wandering, then, apparently, it is not easy for him to cope with possible negative reactions. Also, a specialist can give a very disappointing assessment to a person whose body is very tense, tense, or seems to be “shaking.” What is meant by the last definition? “Jerking” is characterized by uncontrollable tension running through the body - this can be twitching of fingers, lips, muscles around the eyes, and so on. You can learn to control these symptoms by training “calm presence,” which is separately mentioned in this article. There is another important condition when managing emotions - you should learn to relax yourself in various conditions and situations. Always make sure that your body is in a calm state - this skill will provide you with wonderful results.
Don Juan on emotional control (Carlos Castaneda, “Controlled Stupidity”)
The last point will tell you about stalking - a special technique that helps you track down your emotions and feelings in order to keep them under control. In Castaneda's writings, don Juan says that stalking can be called "controlled stupidity." If you have studied English, then you probably know that the word “stalking” comes from the verb “to stalk”, which means “to secretly pursue, using various tricks and tricks”, and usually refers to hunting. A hunter is called a stalker. Don Juan Matus taught Castaneda to hunt, first offering to study the habits of wild animals. The author of the book is convinced that in everyday life one should not forget about the stalker’s method. It is obvious that the actions of a stalker, as a rule, are based on observations, and not at all on what he thinks. Often we are unable to distinguish between our ideas and reality, confusing observation with judgment. Meanwhile, when a hunter observes, there is no place in his thoughts for reflection, judgment, or internal dialogue - he simply observes what is happening. Carlos Castaneda points out to our attention that, at times, we not only do not control our negative emotions, but we also indulge them. Many people know what it means to be offended by someone for many years, to be angry or suffer, without doing anything that could eliminate this condition. Don Juan calls such indulgence in one’s experiences, weaknesses and self-pity a waste of energy, which only brings fatigue and deprives us of many accomplishments. Of course, there is no doubt that a person who indulges in such weaknesses becomes weak himself.
The modern rhythm of life is not only physically exhausting, but also psychologically. A huge number of people suffer from emotional instability, often break down for no reason, cry and become hysterical. There are effective recommendations that will normalize your psychological state.
Experts say that every person can create a certain shield around themselves that will protect them from negativity and help them move through life confidently and with a smile.
- It is important to find the so-called weak link that causes. Someone suffers because of bad relationships in the family or at work. In this case, you need to take all possible measures to eliminate this irritating factor. Many people suffer from lack of time. Psychologists recommend that they draw up a detailed schedule for each day, which will save a lot of time.
- To become emotionally stable, you need to constantly work on yourself. Experts recommend in a calm environment to understand what is missing to achieve, for example, it may be worth learning a foreign language or developing your thinking. Proper investments in yourself will allow you to feel more confident in life and not react to irritants.
- An important tip on how to become emotionally stable is to come to terms with your inner self. Psychologists recommend learning to turn off negative and incorrect thoughts in your head. Many people suffer from constant rumination about negative situations. It’s worth learning to switch to something good and useful.
You need to react correctly to failures and perceive them as a recommendation to find new ways to move forward. It is important to be an integral person who cannot be harmed by any problem.
How do people manage to survive psychological trauma? How is it that in situations where some people want to lie down and die, others demonstrate amazing resilience? Stephen Southwick and Dennis Charney spent 20 years studying people with inflexible character.
They interviewed Vietnamese prisoners of war, special forces trainers and those who had faced serious health problems, violence and trauma. They collected their discoveries and conclusions in the book “Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges.”
1. Be optimistic
Yes, the ability to see the bright side helps. What’s interesting is that in this case we are not talking about “rose-colored glasses.” Truly resilient people who have to endure the most difficult situations and still go to the goal (prisoners of war, special forces soldiers) know how to maintain a balance between a positive outlook and a realistic view of things.
Realistic optimists take into account negative information that relates to the current problem. However, unlike pessimists, they do not dwell on it. As a rule, they quickly abstract from problems that are currently unsolvable and concentrate all their attention on those that they can solve.
And it was not only Southwick and Charney who identified this feature. When American journalist and writer Lawrence Gonzales studied the psychology of people who survived extreme situations, he found the same thing: they balance between a positive attitude towards the situation and realism.
The logical question is: how the hell do they do this? Gonzalez realized that the difference between such people is that they are realists, confident in their abilities. They see the world as it is, but they believe that they are rock stars in it.
Neuroscience says the only real way to deal with fear is to look it in the eye. This is exactly what emotionally stable people do. When we avoid scary things, we become even scarier. When we face our fears, we stop being afraid.
To get rid of the memory of fear, you need to experience that fear in a safe environment. And the exposure must be long enough for the brain to form a new connection: in this environment, the stimulus that causes fear is not dangerous.
Researchers hypothesize that suppressing fear entails increased activity in the prefrontal cortex and inhibition of fear responses in the amygdala.
This method has proven effective when used to treat anxiety disorders such as post-traumatic stress disorder and phobias. Its essence is that the patient is forced to face fear face to face.
Medic and Special Forces instructor Mark Hickey believes that facing fears helps you understand them, keeps you on your toes, develops courage, and increases your sense of self-worth and control over the situation. When Hickey is scared, he thinks, “I’m scared, but this challenge will make me stronger.”
"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Challenges"
3. Set your moral compass
Southwick and Charney found that emotionally stable people have a strong sense of right and wrong. Even when in a life-threatening situation, they always thought about others, not just themselves.
During the interviews, we realized that many resilient individuals had a strong sense of right and wrong, which strengthened them during periods of great stress and as they bounced back from shock. Selflessness, caring for others, helping without expecting a return benefit for oneself - these qualities are often the core of the value system of such people.
"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Challenges"
4. Turn to spiritual practices
The main feature that unites people who were able to survive the tragedy.
Dr. Amad has found that religious faith is a powerful force through which survivors explain both the tragedy and their survival.
"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Challenges"
But what if you are not religious? No problem.
The positive effect of religious activity is that you become part of a community. So you don't have to do anything that you don't believe in, you just have to be part of a group that builds your resilience.
The relationship between religion and resilience may be partly explained by the social aspects of religious life. The word "religion" comes from the Latin religare - "to bind." People who regularly attend religious services gain access to a deeper form of social support than is available in a secular society.
"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Challenges"
5. Know how to give and receive social support
Even if you are not part of a religious or other community, friends and family can support you. When Admiral Robert Shumaker was captured in Vietnam, he was isolated from other prisoners. How did he maintain his composure? He knocked on the cell wall. The prisoners in the next cell knocked in response. It was ridiculously simple, but it was these tappings that reminded them that they were not alone in their suffering.
During his 8 years in North Vietnamese prisons, Schamaker used his keen mind and creativity to develop a unique method of tapping communication known as Tap Code. This was a turning point, thanks to which dozens of prisoners were able to contact each other and survive.
"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Challenges"
Our brains need social support to function optimally. When you interact with others, oxytocin is released, which calms the mind and reduces stress levels.
Oxytocin reduces activity in the amygdala, which explains why support from others reduces stress.
"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Challenges"
And it is necessary not only to receive help from others, but also to provide it. Dale Carnegie said, “You can make more friends in two months than in two years if you are interested in people instead of trying to interest them in you.”
However, we cannot always be surrounded by loved ones. What to do in this case?
6. Imitate strong personalities
What supports children who grow up in miserable conditions, but continue to live normal, fulfilling lives? They have role models who set positive examples and support them.
Emmy Werner, one of the first psychologists to study resilience, observed the lives of children who grew up in poverty, in dysfunctional families with at least one parent who was an alcoholic, mentally ill, or violent.
Werner found that emotionally stable children who became productive, emotionally healthy adults had at least one person in their lives who was truly supportive and a role model.
Our research found a similar connection: Many people we interviewed said they had a role model—someone whose beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors inspired them.
"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Challenges"
Sometimes it is difficult to find among your friends someone you would like to be like. This is fine. Southwick and Charney found that it is often enough to have a negative example in front of you - a person you never want to be like.
7. Stay fit
Time and time again, Southwick and Charney found that the most emotionally stable people had a habit of keeping their bodies and minds in good shape.
Many of the people we spoke to exercised regularly and felt that being fit had helped them through tough times and while recovering from injury. It even saved the lives of some.
"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Challenges"
Interestingly, maintaining physical fitness is more important for emotionally fragile people. Why?
Because the stress of exercise helps us adapt to the stress we will experience when life challenges us.
Researchers believe that during active aerobic training, a person is forced to experience the same symptoms that appear in moments of fear or excitement: rapid heart rate and breathing, sweating. After some time, a person who continues to exercise intensively can get used to the fact that these symptoms are not dangerous, and the intensity of the fear caused by them will gradually decrease.
"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Challenges"
8. Train your mind
No, we do not encourage you to play a couple of logic games on your phone. Diehard people learn throughout their lives, constantly enrich their minds, and strive to adapt to new information about the world around them.
In our experience, resilient people constantly seek opportunities to maintain and develop their mental abilities.
"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Challenges"
By the way, in addition to perseverance, developing the mind has many more advantages.
Cathie Hammond, in her 2004 study at the University of London, concluded that lifelong learning has multiple positive effects on mental health: well-being, the ability to recover from psychological trauma, the ability to cope with stress, and a developed sense of self-esteem. and self-sufficiency and much more. Continuous learning developed these qualities through the expansion of boundaries, a process that is central to learning.
"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Challenges"
9. Develop cognitive flexibility
Each of us has a way that we usually cope with difficult situations. But what sets the most emotionally resilient people apart is that they use multiple coping mechanisms.
Resilient people tend to be flexible - they look at problems from different perspectives and respond to stress differently. They do not stick to just one method of dealing with difficulties. Instead, they switch from one survival strategy to another depending on the circumstances.
"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Challenges"
What is the surest way to overcome difficulties that definitely works? Be tough? No. Ignore what's happening? No. Everyone mentioned humor.
There is evidence that humor helps overcome difficulties. Studies involving combat veterans, cancer patients, and surgical patients have shown that humor can reduce the intensity of a tense situation and is associated with resilience and the ability to tolerate stress.
"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Challenges"
10. Find the meaning of life
Resilient people don't have a job - they have a calling. They have a mission and purpose that gives meaning to everything they do. And in difficult times, this goal pushes them forward.
According to Austrian psychiatrist Viktor Frankl's theory that work is one of the pillars of the meaning of life, the ability to see one's calling in one's work increases emotional stability. This is true even for people in low-skilled jobs (such as hospital cleaners) and for people who are unsuccessful in their chosen occupation.
"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Challenges"
Summary: what will help strengthen emotional stability
- Be optimistic. Don't deny reality, look at the world clearly, but believe in your capabilities.
- Look your fears in the eye. Hiding in fear makes the situation worse. Look him in the face and you can step over him.
- Set your moral compass. A developed sense of right and wrong tells us what we should do and pushes us forward, even when our strength is running low.
- Be part of a group that believes strongly in something.
- Give and receive social support: even tapping on the cell wall is supportive.
- Try to live up to your role model or, on the contrary, keep in mind the person you do not want to become.
- Exercise: Physical activity adapts the body to stress.
- A lifelong learner, your mind must be sharp to come up with the right solutions when you need them.
- Deal with difficulties in different ways and remember to laugh even in the most dire situations.
- Fill your life with meaning: you must have a calling and purpose.
We often hear about post-traumatic mental disorders, but rarely about post-traumatic development. But it exists. Many people who were able to overcome difficulties become stronger.
Within a month, 1,700 people who had experienced at least one of these terrible events took our tests. To our surprise, people who experienced one terrible event were stronger (and therefore better off) than those who experienced none. Those who had to endure two difficult events were stronger than those who had to endure one. And those people who had three horrific events in their lives (for example, rape, torture, being held against their will) were stronger than those who experienced two.
“The path to prosperity. A New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being, Martin Seligman
It seems Nietzsche was right when he said: “What does not kill us makes us stronger.” And one of the interlocutors of Southwick and Charney said this: “I am more vulnerable than I thought, but much stronger than I ever imagined.”