Shyness is a common problem; many people are simply embarrassed to admit it. Vicious circle? It looks like it. How to stop being afraid of people if the very thought of publicity fills you with fear? Numerous similar recommendations in the media repeat the same thing: do what you are afraid of. Strange advice, considering that a shy person will not be able to immediately become the life of the party and his fear of people will only increase. The true cause and solution to the problem of fear of other people must be sought in a completely different way. And we seem to know exactly how to stop being afraid of people.
Universal advice is the lot of amateurs and information sources with a superficial approach, while self-doubt and fear of communicating with people are rooted deeply in the individual characteristics of a shy person. To help him stop being afraid of strangers, you must first not provoke this fear in him, that is, be a fairly close friend whom he trusts. Agree that a consultant, even an experienced and attentive one, remains a stranger. There is another way out: work on yourself. When you are alone, you can take the advice of psychologists and stop being afraid of people.
How to become an extrovert and stop being shy around people?
The characteristic “natural shyness” is not accidental, but it is also not entirely accurate. Indeed, timidity is often congenital and is determined by the type of temperament and personality type. Introverts are more withdrawn, focused on internal experiences and are not inclined to actively communicate with people around them. Extroverts are sociable and friendly, they enjoy being around people and making new acquaintances. Therefore, brave and open people are usually called extroverts, while shy and fearful people are labeled as introverts. This reckless approach is a big mistake, and here's why:
- There are practically no absolute types; every person has extroverted and introverted traits, manifested to a greater or lesser extent. But real fear of strangers is a permanent feeling. It is consistent with temperament, but does not directly depend on it. Not all introverts are afraid of people, and someone who is not afraid of people is not necessarily an extrovert.
- Fear of communicating with others appears in childhood, but it is not innate, but acquired at the earliest stages of exploring the world and forming self-esteem. The same childhood complexes that are considered to be the cause of most personal problems in life make an adult unreasonably afraid of other people.
- Shy children may grow up in different families, but their upbringing, the attitude of adults and the atmosphere in the home have a strong influence on how they treat people. Try to remember how your relationship with your parents and their attitude towards you contributed to your fear of new people.
- Teenage fear of new people is explained by changes in character and life, growing up and the inability to control oneself and act in previously unknown circumstances. In the normal course of life, this fear gradually disappears as one grows older.
- Fear of people and constraint in communication may appear at a later age if chance contributes to this. A stressful situation, failure, public shame is so shocking that a person loses self-confidence and begins to fear a repetition of his failure.
How to stop being afraid of new people?
Please note that embarrassment and fear arise in front of new people, strangers or casual friends, while a close circle of friends is perceived calmly, without negative emotions. It is possible to experience any feelings towards your closest relatives and household members: irritation, fatigue, misunderstanding, but not fear. This is obvious, but it rarely comes to mind to formulate it. What does this understanding provide? It allows us to draw further conclusions: 
- Fear of new, unfamiliar people is based on self-doubt. People who lack self-confidence think that everyone around them notices their shortcomings, moreover, they pay close attention to them and condemn them. This is not just wrong, but even paradoxically self-confident! Well, who cares about you, people have plenty of their own worries! Realize this - and the degree of fear will decrease.
- Overcoming self-doubt is not an easy job, but it needs to start as early as possible. You can start by acquiring skills that make you feel justifiably proud of yourself. It can be sports, creative, student success - choose according to your inclinations and interests. The main thing is that the attention of others, real or apparent to you, will receive a worthy reason.
- Working on yourself and achieving your goals performs another not obvious, but valuable function. Get carried away by sports, dancing, drawing or another hobby, you will forget about your fear and take your mind off it. If previously it was a continuous leitmotif of your life, now it will recede into the background, periodically receding under the pressure of positive and constructive emotions.
How exactly to stop being afraid of people?
The specific steps you take to overcome your fear of people depend on your primary goal. Stopping being afraid is too vague a concept, while in reality some people want to learn how to speak in front of an audience, others want to get acquainted with representatives of the opposite sex. Formulate your problem to choose the shortest path to its solution: 
By the way, social communication for no particular reason causes shy people more problems than discussing meaningful topics. Therefore, you may find that the prospect of talking to a colleague, future mentor, or student does not evoke fear. True, there is another insidious nuance here. Your tendency to withdraw may be heightened if you feel awe, humility, or awe in front of someone you're talking to. So a celebrity, authority figure or idol is a controversial candidate for honing communication skills. You can go all-in and gather your will into a fist - this will be a bold decision. Or put off getting to know each other for a while, until you stop being afraid of people and can confidently and without embarrassment communicate with an interesting, charismatic person.
The characters of the people around us play an important role in the problem of fear of people. People around you can either help or hinder you from stopping being afraid of people. This is why it is so important to carefully choose your social circle, especially at first. And when you are alone, reinforce your confidence with auto-training and rehearsals in front of the mirror. These banal techniques may seem naive and useless, but they have a positive impact in a set of self-education measures. Only in this way, by comprehensively and carefully listening to yourself and working on yourself, can you stop being afraid of people and learn almost any skill that you lack for happiness. We wish you strength, self-confidence and good luck!
Fear of communicating with people Many people suffer from a fear of communication. It does not arise just like that, but is always associated with some internal and external reasons.Fear of communication is understood as an unconscious desire to avoid all interaction with others. In this case, a person may understand the presence of a problem quite well, but often cannot cope with it on his own. Of course, such manifestations cause a lot of suffering. The individual in this case experiences extreme awkwardness when the need arises to somehow interact with others. He limits himself to contacts to avoid unnecessary disappointment. For him, public speaking generally becomes akin to a real disaster. Such fear can be present in a person’s life for a long time and hinder his socialization.
Causes
No phobia develops just like that, out of nowhere. Everything in life has its reasons. To help yourself free yourself from such internal imprisonment, you need to understand in more detail the reasons for what is happening. Let's take a closer look at them.
Strict parents
Upbringing leaves an imprint on your entire life. We unconsciously act towards ourselves in the same way as our mother and father treated us. The experiences gained in early childhood are unconsciously transferred into adulthood. Often how our parents scolded us, and then we limit ourselves. Self-judgment, the habit of constantly being in a bad mood, pronounced self-criticism come from here. If an individual experienced a lot of negative emotions in childhood and was not allowed to reveal his uniqueness, then he will have a very difficult time during the period of personal development. Many people withdraw so much into themselves that they do not want to make any attempts at action at all. Such a person will be afraid to take risks and act in the direction in which his soul requires. Sometimes parents themselves do not realize how much they cripple the lives of their children and do not allow them to be themselves. By setting rigid boundaries and stereotypes, they undermine their son or daughter’s self-confidence and destroy the desire to follow their own individual impulses. As a result, a persistent fear of doing something wrong appears, uncertainty and fear of communication grows.
Negative experience
It also happens that an individual faces a negative assessment from society. As a rule, this occurs during childhood or adolescence. When faced with ridicule from classmates or outright bullying, not everyone finds the internal resources to adequately respond to the situation. Most simply withdraw into themselves and do not want to take active action. Negative experiences always have a negative impact on personal development and prevent the emergence of understanding between people. In the future, there may be a fear of speaking first and meeting people in public places. It often happens that a person, even in his own family, remains lonely and misunderstood. He can hardly explain to himself why this happened, but he clearly feels a persistent rejection of his own essence. In this case, his individuality is suppressed under the pressure of social demands.
Closedness
Such a distinctive feature as unsociability also creates significant barriers to communication. An individual cannot relax even in a familiar environment, because he constantly expects betrayal from those around him. He is afraid that the situation will suddenly get out of control. Being withdrawn is the reason why you have few or no friends. If an individual cannot open up in communication, then it becomes quite difficult for him to concentrate on the conversation. He does not know how to conduct a conversation, he often lacks certain communication skills. If you are unhappy with your life, you are depressed by loneliness, then you need to sort yourself out. Blaming others for your own failures is unlikely to help. You need to understand that people are not all bad, and not everyone is going to cause you mental pain. In fact, the reason lies in you, in your behavior. Isolation provokes isolation from the world and prevents the establishment of normal mutual understanding between interlocutors.
Inability to trust
The inability to trust is a common reason why a person remains alone in the most difficult moments of his life. This mainly manifests itself in the fear of communicating with strangers. A persistent thought is formed in the head that after internal self-disclosure, bitter disappointment will certainly follow. As a rule, a person chooses a convenient and safe social circle for himself and does not let anyone outside. Such an individual avoids new acquaintances and does not want to attend various exhibitions and interesting events. The inability to trust is a false belief that others will definitely cause internal pain and make you doubt your abilities. In most cases, the individual does not even make any attempts to correct the situation, because he is very afraid to act. The inability to trust is a problem that often cannot be overcome even over a long period of time. After all, every new attempt can lead to aggravation of the situation.
Manifestations of fear of communication
Recognizing the fear of communicating with people is quite easy. To do this, you just need to pay attention to your own behavior or the behavior of your relative or friend. It is difficult not to notice this, because social ill-being is striking. Let's take a closer look at ways of expressing fear.
Shyness
When an individual suffers from social phobia, this is necessarily expressed through shyness. A guy or girl can be so timid that it's really hard to imagine. They refuse not only to participate in public life, but to at least somehow express their position. For such people, defending an individual opinion is generally akin to a real feat. Shyness hinders self-realization and prevents the identification and development of strong character traits. It is worth noting that everyone has positive traits, but not everyone is ready to make certain efforts for their own development. If you have a habit of being shy, it means that it will be difficult for you to show your individuality in any matter.
Feeling isolated from the world
When we are afraid to communicate with the world, a feeling of isolation and isolation from the people around us arises. It seems to a person that he is alone in the whole world, and no one can help him solve the problem. This happens for the reason that a person unconsciously isolates himself. Having gotten used to refusing the help of others, he no longer hopes for them in the future. He makes it clear that he does not want to contact the world in any way due to his mistrust. Fear greatly limits him and makes him begin to doubt himself. The feeling of being cut off from the world is dangerous because it teaches a person to consider himself a victim in any situation. A person stops fighting and relies entirely on the fact that those around him will someday notice and understand him. Of course, this is a deliberately flawed approach that yields nothing but severe disappointment. The more a person withdraws into himself, the more difficult it becomes to find a decent way out of the situation.
Feeling exclusive
A person who is afraid of people gets used to considering himself an exceptional creature. He cultivates the behavior of a victim, and therefore does not want to change his rules and attitudes. It often seems to such people that everyone is unfairly offending them. They may complain to others about misunderstanding or pretend that they were wronged in vain. Such a person gets used to considering himself a misunderstood genius, a victim of the universe. It doesn’t occur to him to start analyzing his actions and actions. After all, it becomes much easier to blame others for your failures. The feeling of exclusivity is a derivative of arrogance and pride. It’s just that the fear of interacting with others is so strong that it does not allow them to take tentative steps towards the desired result. The individual does not make any attempts to feel better, to free himself from oppressive experiences.
Low self-esteem
A person who suffers from a fear of communication does not know how to value himself. He does not understand that he, too, has his own strengths, like everyone else around him. Rather, he has a fear of receiving society’s disapproval, of being misunderstood and condemned. Often such individuals do not pay any attention to their talents and do not develop their existing abilities. They feel that their own skills mean nothing and are worthless. Low self-esteem does not allow you to identify your best character traits and somehow express your talents. The personality is overly focused on its own shortcomings, it lacks the courage to start moving forward. Finding himself in such a situation, a person always finds weighty arguments to somehow justify his inaction: bad luck in life, no opportunities and talents. In fact, there are no aspirations and healthy ambitions. Such an individual does not know what he wants to achieve in life and does not know how to cope with even the most basic tasks. It soon turns out that there is absolutely no one to try for: there are no friends, close relatives do not always understand and do not share his experiences. Low self-esteem is always the result of an incorrect attitude towards life, the people around you and yourself.
Avoidance of social contacts
Fear of social interaction often forces an individual to avoid all contact. He simply begins to avoid people, fearing that they will cause him great mental pain and make him experience colossal disappointment. A person may not leave the house for weeks, shutting himself off from everyone and everything within four walls. This line of behavior is due to the fear of disappointment. Avoiding social contacts does not lead to the formation of trust; rather, on the contrary, it scares people away. People around him begin to perceive such a person as abnormal, avoiding normal communication. The greater the mistrust, the greater the gap between the individual and the outside world becomes. The person becomes even more affirmed in his exclusivity and finally becomes locked into the problem.
Fear of public speaking
It is impossible to get rid of the fear of communication if a person does not make any attempts to somehow work on himself. Personal development cannot be carried out without conscious desire. When there is a pronounced fear of communication, there is no opportunity to speak in public. The individual is seized with such panic that he has hardly ever experienced before. Under any pretext, he will refuse the opportunity to express himself and express his own feelings. Fear of public speaking greatly limits personal development. As a result, a person generally ceases to understand what he needs from life.
How to get rid of the fear of communicating with people
Many people think about how to overcome the fear of communication. I must admit that it causes great discomfort and makes you doubt your capabilities. If a person does not find the strength to fight, then he has to doom himself to loneliness and a completely joyless existence. How to overcome the expressed fear of interacting with people? Let's try to figure it out.
Constant practice
If you constantly sit and sigh how bad everything is, nothing will change. Only with the help of constant practice does it become possible to reduce the level of anxiety. Train, try to communicate with those who are nearby. There is no need to be upset by temporary setbacks. Remember that your goal is to acquire a new useful skill.
Taking responsibility
When thinking about how to get rid of the fear of communication, you need to try in advance to take full responsibility for the result. Understand that no one can change your life for you. It's not other people's fault that you can't build relationships with them. It always seems to us that the main cause of all troubles lies in the world around us, but in reality everything is in our perception. It is necessary to learn to look at things soberly, without illusions and enthusiasm. Then you will be able to overcome unnecessary suffering and become more independent.
Nurturing Confidence
Self-confidence is not an empty phrase. It is necessary to pay attention to what level it is at. Working with self-esteem includes the ability to adequately assess one’s strengths. It is unacceptable to constantly belittle yourself; this will not correct the situation. Sometimes you have to cultivate self-confidence, and through your own efforts. Don't be afraid to act and fight!
Thus, the fear of communicating with people is the result of improper upbringing and a distorted attitude to life. A person ceases to value his own personality and strive for any achievements. If you are suffering from such a problem, do not hesitate to seek help from a psychologist. Consultations with Irakli Pozharisky will help restore peace of mind and restore a sense of self-confidence.
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A crisis
Do you feel nervous and afraid of communicating with a stranger? Most people are afraid of such communication. This mainly occurs when you communicate with high-ranking people who are self-confident and relaxed in communication. Fear of communication is one of the most common phobias.
If you are a confident conversationalist, then this article is not for you. But if you are familiar with the fear of communication, when the right words simply disappear from your head, then reading this article will benefit you.
Let's look at how you can overcome your fear of communication and become a more confident and interesting interlocutor.
1. It is a big misconception when you disguise your fear of communication as modesty and shyness. These are slightly different things and should not be confused. To succeed in this business, you need to overcome the barriers of modesty and start starting conversations first. It may be superficial conversations about nothing at first, but over time you will be able to have deeper conversations. Understand for yourself that only in this way, overcoming modesty and shyness, can you overcome fear and communicate freely without obstacles.
2. Get rid of the habit of thinking what the other person thinks about you. Very often you can hear the following words: “What might he think of me, that I am too intrusive or that the conversation may seem tedious and boring to him.” But you cannot know exactly what your interlocutor thinks about you. It is not yet possible for humans to read each other's thoughts. And who cares what he thinks about you if he doesn’t voice it anyway. Many people don't bother to think anything about you or others at all. People's heads are filled with many other thoughts and they don't care about you. So, stop thinking during a conversation what your interlocutor is thinking. In fact, you will never know what the other person may really think about you. Immerse your thoughts better in the conversation.
3. If, as a way to combat the fear of communication, you have chosen a job where there is a lot of communication with different people, then it is better to quit such a job immediately. Believe me, this will not bring you anything useful. Professional communication in the business world of work is not the place where you can practice your communication skills. To do this, you will need a different environment, more natural, conducive to free communication. And with such harsh methods you will simply cause yourself stress and create even greater fear of communication. Therefore, do not resort to such radical methods, communicate more face-to-face in normal everyday life.
4. Choose simple and natural conditions to overcome the fear of communication. Try to hone your communication skills every day. There are probably many occasions in your everyday life where you can communicate with strangers. Situations and events arise that require you to communicate and find compromises that can only be achieved by communicating more and more often. Use any opportune moment to chat, in the store and at the bank, at the bus stop and in transport, on a trip. But you must have a goal to talk and start a conversation, this will not happen by itself. You need to learn not only how to carry on a conversation when someone starts talking to you, but also how to be the first to have a conversation. It won’t work out right away, but you shouldn’t give up, you need to keep going. The skill of conducting a conversation and communicating freely needs to be honed day after day. Over time, you will be able to communicate with those you want without effort or fear. Such training will teach you the art of real communication and bring it to automaticity.
5. You can easily carry on conversations if you are cheerful. Seriousness and efficiency only scares people away. Joke more, have fun, smile. Fear and tension are very quickly relieved by laughter. As soon as you laugh heartily together, fear and embarrassment will no longer arise.
6. Don't take to heart any conversations that don't go the way you expected. Or you felt like you had a terrible conversation. Even if this is so, then so what? You haven't lost anything, your life goes on. Don’t take this as a mistake and a reason to stop practicing communication. Instead, you should consider past failures in future conversations. This is how they learn. Don't dwell on unpleasant communication experiences. Take it lightly, without much seriousness.
7. And the last recommendation, do not look too closely at this complex. Don't think about it all the time, just live your life to the fullest and exercise in between. Communicate simply and naturally, without thinking that at this moment you are overcoming your fear. Let go of such thoughts during the conversation. Treat this problem itself more simply. This is only at first, you will feel discomfort when communicating with strangers, but after some time you will get used to the new skill.
It is important to understand that all people have certain complexes and weaknesses. Therefore, if your interlocutor is a self-confident person, just remember that he also has his weaknesses. And there is probably an area in which you are more competent. Don't get confused or feel weak in his presence. In fact, your interlocutor is also constrained by new communication and feels the same awkwardness and embarrassment. Therefore, take this into account and start communicating freely and joyfully, enjoying it.
Are you afraid to communicate with people? When talking with someone you don’t know well, is it difficult for you to answer this or that question? Maybe you’re afraid to say something stupid, afraid of what others will think of you? When this happens to us, it is a really serious problem, because it prevents us from freely communicating with people and building our lives.
I'm afraid of people, they're evil
Fear of communication can take many forms. This often manifests itself in the fact that a person is afraid of aggression from others and therefore simply does not communicate with them. When talking with people, he is afraid that they will answer him in a rude manner or look askance with an unfriendly look, that they will hurt him with a rude word. And this leads to the fact that even asking the time on the street from a passer-by is like going into the cage of a hungry tiger. Such a person is afraid of being rejected and misunderstood. He takes everything personally and feels only an embittered society against him alone.
I'm afraid to say something stupid and be laughed at
Another's main problem is that he cares terribly what others think of him. A person is afraid that when communicating they will think badly of him. It seems to him that all the people he meets on the street look at him with an appraising gaze. And in their thoughts they probably don’t have the best opinion of him. And all this leads to the fact that he begins to reduce communication with people, minimizes contacts, because he is afraid of other people’s low opinion of himself.
When communicating in a company, he gets very worried, some awkwardness appears, and he begins to frantically figure out what to say. As a result, he remains silent for a long time and gets terribly nervous because of pauses. But his fear constricts his throat, and he is afraid to say something stupid. After the conversation, it seems to him that he has said a bunch of unreasonable, stupid words and he is tormented by the thought that they will now think badly of him.
I'm afraid to show myself in company
The third is afraid that all attention will be focused on him when he wants to tell something. He blushes, and his pulse rises from embarrassment that everyone is looking at him and waiting for his speech. He himself doesn’t notice how his voice begins to tremble treacherously, his hands shake, and his quickening speech swallows and blurs all his words. He begins to mumble, get confused, stumble, he is no longer able to find words to express his thoughts. As a result, he cannot even string two sentences together.
What are the roots of the fear of communicating with people and how can you overcome it?
What psychologists do not recommend in such situations: do exercises that allow you to develop communication skills and skills to overcome fear; always set ourselves up to the fact that all the people we meet and communicate with do not wish us harm. They suggest telling yourself this every day, setting yourself up for good relationships with people. They offer advice like: “This fear is because we do not accept and love ourselves. Love yourself and everything will pass.” Good advice, isn't it? If they would still work, it would be easier for everyone, and there wouldn’t be so many unhappy people in the world. But they don't work.
When a person is afraid to communicate with people, it greatly interferes with his life, it brings suffering, and for many, the meaning of existence is even lost. But a person continues to want to communicate with others, be it a passerby on the street, a neighbor in line, or work colleagues. But he cannot do this, because he is afraid, and he himself does not understand why. Let's try to understand the cause of such fears with the help of System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan.
This fear is so different
As the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains, there are eight types of psyche, which are called vectors. A vector is the innate properties and desires given by nature that shape a person’s character, his thinking characteristics, and determine his actions and actions.
Each vector has its own natural fears; they are quite specific. But only one single vector has absorbed all possible phobias, anxiety disorders and has simply become a champion of fears - it is called visual.
Fear has big eyes
A person with a visual vector, first of all, experiences fear for his own life - this is the primitive state of the visual vector, due to its historical development. The fear of death has been characteristic of its representatives since ancient times.
People with a visual vector are sensitive, sensitive people with a very subtle, gentle psyche and soul. They are kind and are not capable of harming anyone. This is embedded in their psyche. And in ancient times, breadwinners, warriors, and defenders were needed who could kill a mammoth or protect the tribe from the enemy.
The pack didn’t need such people - they couldn’t get them or kill them, they were just an extra mouthful. An unenviable fate awaited boys with a visual vector - they were sacrificed. And girls were taken on hunts for their sensitive eyes, capable of seeing danger or an enemy where others did not see them. The fact is that visual people see everything differently than others; they have very acute vision. They are able to analyze visual information 40 times more than others. Such girls were chosen as the pack's daytime guards for their keen eyesight. But they also had their own danger, their own fear - being eaten by a predator.
To this day, this fear remains with us, only in a more hidden form. We are afraid that we will be “eaten” - not physically, but verbally or just with a glance. We even say: “He ate me with his eyes.” We try to keep a low profile so as not to be noticed. We are afraid to show ourselves, what if there is danger, because predators are everywhere. When talking with strangers, our voice may become uncertain, as if we are not comfortable in front of the person, as if we are not standing on firm feet. There is a fear that we will not be able to speak up for ourselves if they say something unflattering in response.
Self-doubt is characteristic of visual people. When a visual person has no friends, no outside support, no feeling that someone needs him, emotional connections that are necessary for a visual person have not been created, then self-doubt appears. With the fear of “being eaten,” all this turns into a fear of communicating with people.
Hostages of the first experience
Another reason for the fear of communication may be a sad first experience and fixation on it, to which owners of the anal vector are susceptible. These are thorough, slow, calm, assiduous people. Such people do not have a flexible psyche, but they have a phenomenal memory; they remember the entire past, both good and bad.
A person with an anal vector has a desire to accumulate and pass on experience to the next generation. All the properties of his psyche are given to accomplish this task. But these properties can play a cruel joke on it when used for other purposes. Memory is given to him for collecting experience, accumulation and transmission further. And he begins to remember and accumulate bad experiences from past states, which slows him down and leads to unconscious isolation from people.
His fear may have been fixed since childhood from insults, name-calling, or because classmates bullied him at school. A person with an anal vector remembers bad experiences for a long time. And if at school, in the yard, in the company of peers he was bullied and humiliated, then he will always remember this. And then generalize this experience to everyone - all people are the same, all are evil and you can expect only one bad thing from everyone. Thus, without realizing it, we record bad experiences for the rest of our lives. We don’t compare our small negative experience with our whole life and get stuck in the past.
We want to have many friends and acquaintances and spend interesting time, but communication is a skill that is developed from childhood, and which, under certain circumstances, was simply not formed at the right time. If there was a bad experience of communication, then the person is simply afraid to further expose himself to attacks from the outside. Classmates mocked, humiliated, called names. And when you grow up and become an adult, you are already afraid to communicate.
Psychologists say: “Just feel more confident in society, don’t be afraid to express your opinion.” And if it’s scary to express an opinion, because there was an experience that they attacked you for your, in their opinion, incorrect thoughts. And you have this experience imprinted on you, that all people are evil, most of them have only negative emotions and it’s scary to say something - they will look at you with hatred and disapprove.
A visual person needs to move out of fear of people into a state of love for a person. This is when fear “for oneself” turns into sympathy and compassion for those who are worse off than us. But sometimes he cannot do this due to the presence of an anal vector. He cannot, because people once caused him pain, suffering, and this was recorded in his memory. What prevents him from realizing himself in the visual vector is the sad experience of the past and the burden of grievances against all people.
Who cares what people think about him?
Perhaps you worry about what people think of you? How will you be perceived critically? System-vector psychology explains this condition by the presence of certain properties of the anal vector.
Owners of the anal vector are real neat people, neat people. They have perfect order in the house, clean tablecloths and dishes, always polished clean shoes, they are neat - not a single stain, not an extra wrinkle on their clothes. For such people, their deepest and greatest fear of people is to be “dirty,” to disgrace themselves.
It is important for us to be appreciated and noted with a plus sign. For a person with an anal vector, the main thing is that the reputation is good, clean, untarnished, that there is authority and honor. We feel good among other people, when we are valued and respected, this makes us feel joyful and satisfied in life. Sometimes we even begin to experience a painful dependence on approval.
But it happens that you meet smart people, the best professionals, and it’s even difficult to open your mouth and insert a word - real erudites. You feel your lack of knowledge. You catch yourself thinking that it’s scary to say something stupid and be ridiculed. What if they ridicule your thoughts, make a mockery of you - it’s scary to disgrace yourself with your modest knowledge and skills. And when the social circle is small, the skill and practice of expressing one’s knowledge and thoughts verbally is generally lost. In people there is an inhibition effect and fear: “What if I say something wrong?” Fearing disgrace, a person experiences a strong fear of saying something stupid, of saying something wrong.
It is important to us what complete strangers think about us. A person with wants to be the best for everyone. And if he is also with, then he is the best. But if he said something wrong, and they looked at him with a reproachful, appraising, disapproving look, then the person immediately became stressed: “They thought badly of me! There will be an opinion about me that I am stupid and stupid.” He remembers these states and in the future is afraid to express his thoughts, because he is afraid of experiencing shame.
People are not animals. “Bite” only because of shortages
A painful experience of communication, for various reasons, can make a person want to close himself off from people and become a recluse. If we were hermit crabs, we probably wouldn't care. Having voluntarily exposed themselves to loneliness, they would hide in their shell and live there until old age. But man is a social creature; he cannot live alone. He needs to communicate and maintain contact with people. And fear becomes a real barrier for him on the path to a happy life.
When a person begins to understand other people, to see them from the inside, what motivates them, he can see that some are unhappy because of their shortcomings. It turns out that no one wants to “eat” you or even offend you with a word, they just snap, curse, insult, mock because of their pain, feel hatred because of their bad conditions.
And you no longer see that people are animals and will immediately devour anything, but you see their pain and suffering. Then the desire arises only to sympathize, realizing that something is wrong in the life of the interlocutor. And there is no longer that fear that you will be insulted or perceived differently - what is said is no longer taken to heart, since, in fact, it has nothing to do with you. A person speaks through his shortcomings, and if he is hurt, he will project it onto others.
Thanks to system-vector psychology, fears go away, any kind of fear. This is the effect of understanding the causes and the human psyche as a whole. Here are just a few who managed to get rid of fears:
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan allows you to understand the cause of your fears, understand their roots, work through conditions in depth, and also understand other people, their conditions and lacks.
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The article was written based on training materials “ System-vector psychology»Communication is a normal part of every person’s life. With the help of communications, experience and knowledge are transferred, and social needs are satisfied. But in the modern world, when the number of contacts increases, fear of communication often arises.
Social phobia is the fear of communicative interactions with other people. This ailment falls within the competence of a psychologist and can be successfully treated during classes.
There are these types of fears:
- communication with people;
- contacts with strangers;
- communication with high-ranking people;
- fear of telephone conversations.
The problem of phobia is easier to solve if the root cause of this phenomenon is established. The main factors are the following:
- criticism of significant adults (parents, teachers, bosses);
- ridicule of peers: classmates, friends;
- poor start to conversation;
- poor public performance and more.
The main signs of social phobia are:
- palpitations when communicating;
- trembling, sweating, muscle tension;
- dry mouth, headache and feeling hot;
- facial redness,
- disturbances in the functioning of the gastrointestinal tract, abdominal pain.
Social phobia greatly interferes with study and work, negatively affects personal life and can even cause divorce. That is why the disease requires urgent overcoming. Moreover, the patient himself should be interested in treatment, since it happens that fear of communication is only a means of attracting attention.
Fear of communicating with people
Communication requires at least two people. If a person communicates daily and works in an office, then he is unlikely to face social phobia.
Communication skills tend to be lost:
- Categories of people such as housewives, young mothers, people who, for certain reasons, have been without full communication with new people for a long time.
- For some people, fear of communication may be related to hypertrophied dependence and inflated self-esteem your image. Such people, as a rule, have no friends and avoid communication so that no one can destroy their ideal image. If communication does occur, but such a person is not in the zone of attention or is subjected to jokes and ridicule, then he withdraws into himself for a long time.
- Insecure people They are also unsociable, but the reason for their fear lies elsewhere. They are afraid of being underestimated and misunderstood. Self-doubt gives rise to isolation, which aggravates the situation, making the sociopath unsociable, withdrawn and aloof even with close relatives. Such people believe that they are owed everything, that they are not given enough attention and love.
- Young mothers For a long time they are forced to communicate only with the child. Because of this, they have the idea that they are unfulfilled and unattractive, which gives rise to an inferiority complex. In this case, family relationships are also at risk.
With strangers
Communication with strangers is traumatic for an ordinary person, but for those who have a fear of communication, it may be completely impossible.
A stranger is full of secrets and dangers; he is unpredictable in his reactions and attitude towards what is happening. All this frightens sociopathic individuals, preventing not only the communication process itself, but even acquaintance and the first stages of communication.
With the opposite sex
Communication with the opposite sex has a lot of features and at the same time causes most problems for those who have a fear of communication.
Young men are especially susceptible to this, because the right to take the first step remains with them:
- Young men are not confident in their attractiveness and are so embarrassed by the opposite sex that they prefer to experience their feelings in silence, suppressing emotions.
- There is another side to the fear of communicating with the opposite sex - excessive rudeness. Boys are either openly rude to girls, or have several relationships at the same time, trying to prove to their friends that they are cool. In fact, behind such a mask there is a fearful, insecure teenager hiding.
Psychologists believe that fear of communication affects health, causing not only psychological, but also physical discomfort. Various tics, obsessive movements, etc. may appear. This also aggravates the situation and requires deeper psychological work.
Women often suffer from a fear of communicating with men. This feature begins to develop in them in childhood.
How the girl’s mother treats herself and her child is very important:
- If she considers herself beautiful, adequately evaluates her appearance and loves herself, then the girl is not at risk of sociopathy.
- But if the mother does not love herself and takes it out on the child, humiliating her dignity, saying that she is ugly or not like everyone else, then this is a direct path to the child’s sociopathy at a very early age.
With high-ranking officials
The fear of communicating with superiors at work or with those whom a person considers superior to himself is often revealed: teachers, celebrities, etc.
This fear is easy to overcome, since contacts are usually quite frequent and formal in nature:
- To overcome fear, you just need to turn to the biographies of such people. In childhood, they were all ordinary boys and girls, so you shouldn’t be afraid of communicating with them. It is necessary to see them as people first, and then status.
- To defuse the situation, you can directly talk about your feelings. This will not only allow you to have a more sincere conversation and overcome fear, but also gain the respect of a high-ranking official due to your courage and openness.
By phone
At work and at home, you need to answer phone calls. Some people are afraid to do this because the phone is also a means of communication between two people.
Sociopathic individuals believe that they have a strange and ugly voice on the phone, that the person on the other end of the line laughs at them, and so on.
This type of social phobia is less dangerous, but also requires work on oneself.
Social phobia in children
Social phobia is considered a mental illness, but in children it can be a consequence of improper upbringing.
Typically, the disease begins in adolescence during puberty: a changing body, voice, and appearance raise many questions in young men and at the same time give rise to complexes.
But the first phenomena that can lead to illness in the future can be identified already at school.
If in children of kindergarten age mild social phobia is considered the norm, then at school age, when the child first encounters the model of a “society of strangers,” social phobia is unacceptable.
New faces offer stricter rules for the child and have a lower level of acceptance of the child for who he is compared to the family circle and kindergarten group.
If the child is unable to adapt to new conditions (and this happens in 50% of cases), then the help of a psychologist is required.
Socially significant situations for a child at school are:
- communication with strangers;
- conversations with teachers, answers at the blackboard;
- carrying out their actions under supervision.
In addition, a shy child over 7 years of age may experience discomfort when eating with new people, which is especially problematic since children often simply refuse to eat.
Approximately 40% of children refuse to go to school at all due to the emergence of strong uncontrollable feelings of anxiety. For this reason, work on socialization must begin from a very early age, attending various events with the child, introducing him to many new people.
The main signs of the development of social phobia are:
- refusal to go to school;
- does not communicate with peers;
- does not come into contact with teachers, psychologist;
- refuses to go to the board;
- At home he is afraid to fall asleep alone.
The normal reaction of parents is to have a conversation and stop a social phobia attack with the phrase: “Pull yourself together, you’re already big.” Threats in this case are unacceptable, since they will only aggravate the situation, and the child will include his parents among the dangerous persons.
How to overcome
Treatment for social anxiety takes time. Usually the fear of communicating with people goes away for six months. During this time, the psychologist struggles with the cause of the phobia, teaches the child to deal with frightening situations, and relaxes him. In severe cases, psychotropic drugs and psychotherapy are prescribed.
There is no need to be afraid of taking medications, since modern medications are not addictive and do not have withdrawal symptoms.
Parents should take an active position and contribute in every possible way to the child’s recovery by conducting therapy at home in the form of play methods and fairy tale therapy.
- realize that fear of communication is not at all a sign of a strong personality and ideal self;
- stop “putting labels” on other people;
- choose a job where there is communication with people, albeit moderate;
- do everyday things with maximum communication: friends, colleagues, household members;
- It’s worth defending your opinion, your needs.
In general, the recommendations are quite simple. Only he himself can help a person with social phobia. Otherwise, no therapy will help. There is no need to set clear goals for yourself, as they increase anxiety, but you need to systematically and purposefully work on yourself.
Psychologists have developed a number of tips for people who want to get rid of communication problems:
- Learn to make eye contact. At first, you can do this on the Internet: communicate on forums, comment on photos. After this, you need to go to the store more often and communicate with sellers while shopping.
- Master the phone. This method is easier than real communication, so before moving on to personal interaction, you can try doing it over the phone.
- Go to real contact. During this period, it is necessary to contact strangers with requests, in stores to agree to the sales assistant asking for help, etc.
Thus, social phobia is a serious problem. Today, a person in modern society cannot live without knowing the methods of effective communication. That is why overcoming communication problems should be task No. 1 for any person.
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