Aggression. What is aggression? What to do if you recognize your own actions here

Aggression (lat. aggressio) – attack. Even without knowing this translation, the vast majority of people will tell you that aggression is bad! And what sane person would say: “good” if a child fights with peers, breaks toys, tortures animals?

But psychologists say that this feeling is natural and useful for a child!
Many parents were upset when, having bought a toy for their child (especially if the toy was electronic or expensive), two hours later they found it broken: “Aggressor!” But this is how you look at it: what if this is a young engineer who has decided to find out what’s inside, how it all works? This is why I had to break the toy. In this case, the child should not be scolded, but praised. But are we capable of this?

Of course, this only applies to those cases when a child carefully examines and examines a broken toy. If he gets angry, swears, fights, parents should be wary and, after observing him, consult a doctor, because there is an obvious problem here
Parents of little aggressors often ask questions: “Why? Who is he like? Why doesn’t he solve anything peacefully, without the help of fists?” Doctors believe that there are three types of reasons why this happens.

Biological reasons
Aggression, like many character traits, is inherited. And it is absolutely not necessary in a straight line (from father to son, daughter from mother). These may be distant relatives or ancestors that we may not remember, much less know about their character traits. Naturally, our ancestors not only spoil our genes by rewarding us with negative qualities: laziness, aggression or absent-mindedness, but sometimes they also improve them by giving their descendants musical or mathematical abilities, the ability to sculpt, draw, write. At the same time, we cannot blame only genes for aggression. Science has proven that the environment can teach a child aggression faster than the genes of his ancestors.

Example of parents
We don’t follow the words, especially if the child is “pissed off”: “Rubbish, if I hear you swearing, I’ll put you in the corner!” Or I’ll tear it out “like Sidorov’s goat!” These are the most “innocent” expressions that we use when we are angry with our child. We forgot that the child did not turn a deaf ear to our “innocent” expressions! And he will not forget to use them on occasion when playing with his toys. Angry at his dolls and bears, the child will definitely use our words and the punishment to which his parents subjected him.

But, if loving parents do not allow rude words and actions towards the child, they forget that the little person is not yet able to decide for himself what is good and what is bad, and he is trying to find out through them. But try to come to a conclusion: is it good to fight or not if your parents forbid you to fight, but immediately advise you to fight back?! They strongly convince you that “kindness (the best quality) will save the world,” and then they watch the action movie with delight, admiring the hero who “crushes” everyone left and right. What conclusion will the child draw? That's right: that in this life you need to be aggressive!

Frustration
Frustration is the dissatisfaction of desires. As we understand, both adults and children suffer from this. We have all experienced this condition at one time or another. The child uses aggressive behavior to try to get what he wants from others. And by giving in, we push the child to make such behavior the norm.

Internal discomfort
A small child, when his stomach hurts, is tired or wants to eat, does not understand what is happening to him - he gets angry and can show aggression: fight, bite, be capricious. For an older child, the reason may be indifference or condemnation of adults. Parents exclaiming in their hearts: “All children are like children, and it’s unclear what you were born into: a brawler and a brute?!”, They do not even suspect what trauma they inflicted on the child with their intemperance. From their words, the kid drew a disappointing conclusion: “Mom and dad don’t need me, because I’m not like everyone else, I’m bad!” Having come to such a terrible conclusion, the child worries, and then tries to prove with his aggression that he is exactly what he is imagined to be!

For each age, there are certain techniques that help parents who want to help their child cope with “bad” aggression, manage it and, ultimately, get rid of it.

Girls, how do you explain to your grown-up children that aggressive behavior can, and most importantly, must be dealt with? Let's collect practical ways that will help calm an already grown-up Child. After all, the time when you could just put him in a crib or pick him up and hold him has passed. How to come to an agreement with them, so independent and at the same time very insecure???

Detailed discussion of the topic in the community “From Children to Teenagers” Aggression – good or bad? There you will also find a lot of useful and interesting information about our already independent children.

The human psyche is designed in such a way that he experiences and manifests various. They are usually divided into positive and negative emotions. Among negative emotions, aggressiveness is distinguished, which manifests itself with clear signs and has clear causes. Since it is socially unacceptable, various methods of treating and correcting a person’s aggressiveness at any age are being developed.

Parents should primarily be involved in eliminating aggressiveness in children. If we are talking about a teenager or an adult, then treatment and correction should be carried out by him or her himself or with the help of a specialist.

Aggression is a socially unacceptable quality. If you constantly show aggression, you can not only lose friends and even contact with relatives, but also face various methods of punishment from society, depending on the actions that were committed by a person under the influence of his emotions. It is advisable to get rid of aggressiveness when it arises and manage it so that it does not influence a person’s decisions and actions.

What is aggressiveness?

Aggression is understood as a stable quality that makes a person cause harm to others or show malice, anger at surrounding objects, breaking them, destroying them. Psychologists believe that aggressiveness is not an innate quality, but is acquired by a person by copying the actions of others. We can partially agree with this:

Aggression develops; you are not born with it. The person does not initially behave aggressively. He treats people and surrounding objects quite carefully. Only as he socializes does a person observe aggressive behavior of people and try to commit it themselves. If it gives satisfaction and some pleasure, then the person becomes constantly aggressive.
Aggression is a natural feeling. Do not forget that aggressiveness is based on an emotion called “aggression”. But it is inherent in all living beings. A child may naturally experience aggression, just not express it in the way that usually occurs in society.

Thus, aggressive behavior is formed on the basis of a natural emotion - aggression. Society teaches a person exactly how to show his aggression when it goes over the edge. That is why harmful actions are committed towards others, a person breaks and destroys when he is angry.

Aggressiveness is Latin for “attack.” An aggressive person prefers to use violent methods to solve the problems that arise and achieve his goals.

Causes of aggressiveness

Aggression has its own reasons. It does not manifest itself just like that; usually, aggression requires an object to which it will be directed after it evokes the corresponding emotion.

The following personal qualities are involved in the development of aggressiveness:

Absent-mindedness, thoughtfulness.
Tendency to impulsiveness.
A hostile interpretation of a situation, that is, the perception of people's behavior or environmental influences as aggressive.
Emotional sensitivity, dissatisfaction, vulnerability, feeling of discomfort.

Aggressive behavior can be influenced by mental and nervous diseases. Thus, mentally ill people, for example, with schizophrenia or manic-depressive psychosis, may incorrectly perceive the messages of the environment, which is why they behave aggressively.

Aggressive behavior is not uncommon among ordinary, healthy people. There are always provoking factors that contribute to or cause aggression:

Abuse of psychotropic drugs or alcohol.
Frequent conflict situations.
Unsettled personal life.
Intimate problems.
Drug use.
Feeling .
Having personal problems.
Strict upbringing.
Overwork.
Refusal to rest.
Watching films with aggressive themes.

However, aggression should not be viewed solely negatively. Where you need to use physical strength to achieve positive results, this quality comes in handy. For example, aggressiveness is good in sports competitions because it gives energy.

How does aggression manifest itself?

Aggression is easy to recognize because it manifests itself in a variety of unpleasant behavioral patterns:

Conflict.
Painful harm.
Dominance.
Physical violence: hitting, breaking dishes, biting, tearing, etc.
Lack of social cooperation.

Aggression has several variations in its manifestation:

Physical force when used against other people.
Negativism is oppositional behavior (can be either passive resistance or active struggle).
Indirect aggression, or passive.
Resentment that arises due to the real or imagined actions of others.
Irritation is a person’s readiness to use physical force at the slightest excitement.
Suspicion is distrust of people who are allegedly preparing to harm a person.
Verbal aggression, which manifests itself in words.
Guilt is aggression directed at oneself due to the thought that a person is bad or has done something wrong.

Why are men aggressive?

It is common to believe that male aggression manifests itself exclusively in the demonstration of physical strength (fighting, beating, crashing). However, passive aggression becomes common when a man becomes indecisive and puts things off until later. Such men are irresponsible, do not keep promises, and are dismissive. They provoke conflicts, while keeping their distance and not letting anyone into their personal territory. Such men blame other people and circumstances for all troubles. And all this because they are subject to the fear of becoming dependent.

The aggressive behavior of such men is dictated by a family environment where it is forbidden to talk about one’s desires, saying that it is unacceptable, wrong, and selfish.

Men are not subject to feelings of guilt and anxiety, so their aggressiveness is aimed solely at achieving the goal. Increased aggressiveness originates in a man’s desire to show:

Your confidence.
Strength.
Independence. It is also dictated by the lack of a culture of behavior.

Aggression in men can arise in the intimate sphere, where sadistic or masochistic behavior is encouraged. It can also arise due to dissatisfaction or unfulfilled sexual desires.

Aggression is a compensatory factor when a person reacts in this way to unfulfilled desires and unfulfilled hopes. A person may repeat the violence he himself has gone through, or try it if it is considered acceptable in certain circles.

As scientists note, aggression is caused by testosterone, which is produced in the human body. It predominates in men, so aggressiveness of the stronger sex is often perceived as the norm. However, we are talking about an emotion, not a character trait. Emotions are evoked and subside, that is, there must be certain factors in the external world that cause aggression.

A man shows aggression in two cases:

When attacking or defending oneself.
When he desires sexual contact.

It is in these cases that a large amount of testosterone is produced, which gives strength, aggressiveness, and assertiveness. Why have men become more and more aggressive lately?

Scientists explain this phenomenon by the large number of women. The more women there are around a man, the more aggressive he becomes. This is caused not only by sexual desire, but also by a sense of possessiveness, as well as troubles in relationships with ladies. A man realizes that the lack of a relationship with one woman can be compensated by a relationship with another. He is not afraid of losing or breaking up, which allows him to be aggressive, uncompromising, and selfish.

On the other hand, in a society where there are few women, there is greater compliance among men. They treat the fairer sex with more respect, understand and accept their nature, and try to strengthen and improve relationships with them.

Thus, the aggressiveness of men is related to the number of women. The more there are, the less a man controls himself, allowing himself not to respect, not appreciate, not understand and not hold on to the relationship. Irresponsible behavior allows a man to be selfish and mind only his own business.

If there were fewer women, then the man would change his approach. That is why gentlemen who do not have much sexual experience and numerous fans become more understanding and family-oriented. They are more thorough in their choice of companions, since they are committed to a serious relationship, and not to a temporary union.

Why are women aggressive?

The weaker sex is also susceptible to aggressiveness, which often occurs to relieve mental or nervous tension or in a situation where the victim can fight back.

If a woman changes for the worse or develops dementia, then aggressive behavior is also possible. Other causes of aggression in women are:

Congenital hormonal deficiency.
Negative childhood experiences (sexual violence, abuse).
Childhood mental trauma.
Hostile relationship with mother.
Mental pathologies.

Why are children aggressive?

Aggression is often observed among children who do not yet know how to cope with their internal experiences and eliminate the troubles (rejection or condemnation by adults) that they face. If there is no understanding on the part of adults, then children begin to become even more aggressive.

To correct the behavior of aggressive children, it is necessary on the part of parents, teachers and psychologists:

Do not evaluate children's behavior.
To penetrate the inner experiences of children.
Don't physically abuse them.

Correction of aggression in preschool children

There are many exercises that are used by psychologists to correct aggression in preschool children. The main principles here are:

Establish contact with the child.
Reduce anxiety levels.
Respect the child's personality.
Have a positive attitude towards his inner world.
It is non-judgmental to perceive and accept it as a whole.
Learn ways to manage your emotions.
Develop positive self-esteem.
Develop awareness of your own feelings and the emotions of others (empathy).

Treatment of aggression

It is possible to cope with aggression on your own if a person wants to get rid of it. Self-regulation and control are required here. You can use the “carrot and stick” method when:

You deprive yourself of certain benefits when you display aggression.
You reward yourself in some way when you were able to reduce the level of aggression at a critical moment.

To rid yourself of aggression, you need to pause at the moment of its development. Calm down, breathe deeply several times. Try to get out of the situation and look at it from the outside. What would you advise a person to do if they found themselves in exactly the same situation (without your emotions being affected)?

There will always be situations that will cause negative emotions. Here you should help yourself manage them. Accept the situation or come to terms with it if it is impossible to influence or change it. Rest also helps. Avoid chronic fatigue, which makes you less stable in your emotions.

Achieve your goals and live the way you would like, because aggression and anger are indicators of dissatisfaction with your own life. Make your life the way you want it to be, then you will become more stable in your positive emotions.

Bottom line

If you are constantly aggressive and angry, you can end up alone. People will not tolerate aggressive behavior towards themselves. Therefore, it is better to be able to cope with your negative emotions so that they do not interfere with living a full life. It is better to direct them in a positive, constructive direction if they suddenly arise and do not subside.

Facts of violence in which harm is caused to specific individuals are called aggression. Every day a person either personally or hears from others about how they have been treated poorly.

If we talk about the moral side of this issue, then aggressive behavior is considered bad, evil, unacceptable. But why does a person allow himself to get angry and hurt himself or others?

What is Aggression?

What is aggression? There are many opinions about what aggression is. Some say that aggression is an instinctive reaction and manifestation of a person. Others argue that aggression is caused by frustration - the desire to discharge. Still others point out that aggression is a social phenomenon when a person learns it from others or is influenced by negative past experiences.

In psychology, aggression is understood as destructive behavior in which a person causes physical harm or creates psychological discomfort to other people. Psychiatry views aggression as a person’s desire to protect himself from an unpleasant and traumatic situation. Aggression is also understood as a way of self-affirmation.

Aggressive behavior is considered to be directed towards a living object. However, the psychological help website claims that smashing dishes or walls can soon develop into violence against living beings. Aggression is often equated with rage, anger or anger. However, an aggressive person does not always experience emotions. There are cold-blooded people who become aggressive under the influence of their prejudices, beliefs or views.

What reasons push a person to such behavior? Anger can be directed both at other people and at oneself. The reasons may be different, as well as the forms of manifestation of aggression. Each case is individual. Psychologists note something else: it is important to be able to cope with one’s own aggression, which manifests itself in every person. If someone needs help, they can get it. This is what a psychological help site does, a site where a person can not only read useful information, but also work through his negative aspects, which often interfere with building favorable relationships with others.

Display of aggression

Aggression manifests itself in different ways. Depending on the goal that is achieved by aggressive actions and the methods of the actions committed, aggression can be benign and malignant:

Benign aggression refers to courage, courage, ambition, perseverance, and bravery.
Malignant aggression refers to violence, rudeness, and cruelty.

Every living creature is aggressive. Every organism contains genes that allow it to show aggression for the sake of survival, to save itself from death. Thus, there is defensive aggression, which occurs at the moment of danger. All living beings have it. When a living organism is in danger, it becomes decisive, runs away, attacks, and defends itself.

In contrast to this aggression, there is a destructive one, which is inherent only to humans. It has no meaning or purpose. It arises only on the basis of the emotions, feelings, thoughts of a person who simply did not like something.

There is another manifestation of aggression – pseudo-aggression. It occurs in situations where a person must make every effort to achieve a goal. For example, during competition, athletes become aggressive to give themselves energy and motivation.

A special manifestation of aggression, which is inherent in all living beings, is the desire to survive. When there is not enough food, there is no intimacy, there is no protection, then the body becomes aggressive. Everything is aimed at survival, which often involves infringement of the boundaries and freedom of other living beings.

Anyone can become aggressive. Often the strong provoke the weak, who then also look for weaker individuals in order to take it out on them. There is no defense against aggression. In everyone it manifests itself as a reaction to an external stimulus. Both the one who caused it and the one who simply came into contact can become a victim of aggression.

The manifestation of aggression is an expression of dissatisfaction and dissatisfaction. It can be either open, when a person knocks on the table or constantly nags, or hidden - periodic nagging.

Types of aggression

As we consider aggression, we can distinguish its types:

Physical, when force is used and specific harm is caused to the body.
Indirect, when irritation is expressed towards another person.
Resistance to established laws and morals.
Verbal, when a person verbally shows aggression: screams, threatens, blackmails, etc.
Envy, hatred, resentment for unfulfilled dreams.
Suspicion, which manifests itself in distrust of persons when it seems that they are planning something bad.
Feelings of guilt that arise from the thought that a person is bad.
Direct – spreading gossip.
Directed (there is a goal) and disordered (random passers-by become victims).
Active or passive (“putting spokes in the wheels”).
Auto-aggression is hatred towards oneself.
Heteroaggression – anger is directed towards others: violence, threats, murder, etc.
Instrumental, when aggression is used as a method of achieving a goal.
Reactive, when it manifests itself as a reaction to some external stimulus.
Spontaneous, when it manifests itself without good reason. Often occurs as a consequence of internal phenomena, for example, mental illness.
Motivational (targeted), which is done consciously for the purpose of intentionally causing damage and pain.
Expressive when it manifests itself in facial expressions, gestures, and a person’s voice. His words and actions do not express aggression, but his body position and tone of voice indicate otherwise.

It's human nature to get angry. And the most important question that worries everyone who has become a victim of someone else’s aggression is why they yelled at him, beat him up, etc.? Everyone is concerned about the reasons for aggressive behavior, especially if the aggressor has not explained anything. And how different aggression can be has already been discussed.

Causes of aggression

There are many reasons for aggressive behavior. Aggression can be different and happens in different situations, so you often need to look at the complex of everything that happens in order to understand the motives of a person’s actions.

Substance abuse (alcohol, drugs, etc.). Under the influence of drugs, a person cannot adequately respond to a specific situation.
Personal problems that are associated with dissatisfaction in personal relationships, intimacy, loneliness, etc. Any mention of this problem causes a negative reaction.
Mental traumas of childhood. Developed neurosis against the background of dysfunctional relationships with parents.
Authoritarian and strict education that develops internal aggression.
Watching films and programs where the topic of violence is actively discussed.
Inadequate rest, overwork.

Aggression may be a symptom of a serious illness that is often associated with damage to the brain:

Schizophrenia.
Encephalitis.
Neurasthenia.
Meningitis.
Epileptoid psychopathy, etc.

Public influence should not be excluded. Religious movements, propaganda, racial hatred, morality, images of politicians or strong personalities who are aggressive develop a similar quality in observers.

Often people who cause harm refer to a bad mood or even a mental disorder. In fact, only 12% of all aggressive people are mentally ill. Other individuals show their negative emotions as a result of an incorrect reaction to what is happening, as well as a lack of self-control.

Aggression is noted as a person’s dissatisfaction with life in general or a specific case in particular. Accordingly, the main reason is dissatisfaction, which a person does not eliminate through favorable actions.

Verbal aggression

Almost everyone has encountered this form of aggression. Verbal aggression is the most common and obvious. Firstly, the tone of the speaker’s voice changes: he starts shouting, raises his voice, and makes it ruder. Secondly, the context of what is being said changes.

Psychologists have noted many forms of verbal aggression. In everyday life, a person encounters the following manifestations:

Insults, threats, blackmail.
Slander, spreading gossip.
Silence in response to a person’s questions, refusal to communicate, ignoring cues.
Refusing to defend another person who is being criticized.

The question still remains whether silence is a way of aggression. There is no clear answer here. It all depends on the reasons for the silence of the person who performs this action. If silence occurs with accompanying aggressive emotions, anger, and reluctance to speak because it can be rude, then we are talking about verbal aggression of a passive nature. However, if a person is silent because he did not hear or is not interested in the topic of the conversation, therefore he wants to transfer it to another topic, remains calm and in a friendly mood, then there is no question of any aggression.

Due to the social system and morality, which punishes anyone who shows physical aggression, people are forced to use the only way to express it - words. Open aggression is expressed in specific threats, insults and humiliation of the personality of another. Hidden aggression manifests itself through persecution and pressure on a person, for example, by spreading gossip. Although these types of verbal aggression are unacceptable, a person is not deprived of freedom for them. That's why people continue to use this form as a way of communicating with those with whom they are dissatisfied.

Speech aggression

Let us dwell directly on the verbal form of manifestation of aggression, which is the most common in society. Speech aggression manifests itself in curses, negative assessments (criticism), offensive words, obscene speech, mocking intonation, crude irony, indecent allusions, and a raised voice.

What the aggressor does causes irritation and indignation. Aggression of both the first and second interlocutor arises on the basis of negative emotions that arise immediately or after some time. Some people immediately say what outrages them, others only after a while begin to show their aggression in various ways towards those who humiliated or insulted them.

Often, verbal aggression is a consequence of a person’s hostility towards a certain group of people. For example, low social status can provoke an individual’s hostile attitude towards those with whom he communicates. Such a confrontation is possible both in an ascending hierarchy and in a descending one. For example, hidden aggression is often manifested by subordinates towards the boss and by the boss towards subordinates. Subordinates often feel jealous of the leadership's high position, as well as its commanding tone. A boss may hate his subordinates because he considers them stupid, weak, inferior creatures.

Rarely, the causes of speech aggression are upbringing, mental characteristics, or a breakdown.

Undoubtedly, society is considering the issue of not only extinguishing negative emotions when they arise, but also preventing conflicts with people who show anger. It should be understood that sometimes aggression is acceptable because it helps achieve certain goals, such as suppressing the enemy. However, this method should not be used as a universal one.

Approaches to aggression

Scientists from various fields of science are considering approaches to aggression. For each representative it means something different. The normative approach perceives aggression as destructive behavior that does not correspond to the moral and ethical standards of society. The criminal approach also considers aggression as an act of unlawful behavior that is aimed at causing physical and moral harm to a living object.

The depth psychological approach perceives aggressive behavior as instinctive, inherent in all living beings.
The goal-directed approach perceives aggression as a goal-directed action. From the point of view of achieving goals, evolution, adaptation, appropriation of important resources, dominance.
Schwab and Koeroglow view aggressive behavior as a person’s desire to establish the integrity of his life. When it is violated, a person becomes aggressive.
Kaufma views aggression as a way of acquiring resources necessary for life, which is dictated by the natural need for survival.
Erich Fromm viewed aggressive behavior as a desire to dominate and dominate living beings.
Wilson characterized the aggressive nature of a person as the desire to eliminate the actions of another subject who, by his actions, infringes on his freedom or genetic survival.
Matsumoto noted aggression as an act that causes pain and physical or mental harm to another individual.
Shcherbina characterized verbal aggression as a verbal manifestation of feelings, intentions and desires towards another person.
Cognitive theory considers aggression as a way of learning to contact a person with external factors.
Other theories combine the above concepts to understand the nature of aggressive behavior.

Forms of aggression

Erich Fromm identified the following forms of aggression:

Reactive. When a person realizes that his freedom, life, dignity or property is in danger, he becomes aggressive. Here he can defend himself, take revenge, be jealous, envy, be disappointed, etc.
Archaic bloodlust.
Gaming. Sometimes a person just wants to show his dexterity and skills. It is at this moment that he can resort to malicious jokes, mockery, and sarcasm. There is no hatred or anger here. A person is simply playing at something that may irritate his interlocutor.
Compensatory (malignant). It is a manifestation of destructiveness, violence, cruelty, which helps a person make his life complete, not boring, and fulfilling.

A person who becomes aggressive has the following characteristics:

Sensitivity, vulnerability, acute experience of discomfort.
Impulsiveness.
Absent-mindedness, which leads to emotional aggressiveness, and thoughtfulness, which provokes instrumental aggressiveness.
Hostile interpretation of what is happening.

A person is not able to completely get rid of his aggression, because sometimes it is useful and necessary. It is here that he allows himself to show his nature. Only a person who knows how to control his emotions (without suppressing them) is able to live fully. Aggression only rarely becomes constructive compared to those episodes when it is used in full force.

Teenage aggression

Quite often, psychologists note aggression in childhood. It becomes very bright during adolescence. It is this stage that becomes the most emotional. Teenage aggression can manifest itself towards anyone: peers, parents, animals, younger children. A common cause of aggression is self-affirmation. Showing strength in an aggressive manner seems to be a sign of greatness and power.

Adolescent aggression is a deliberate action aimed at causing harm. Remaining frequent are cases where three parties are involved:

The aggressor is a teenager himself.
The victim is the person at whom the teenager’s aggression is directed.
Spectators are people who can become bystanders or provocateurs that cause aggression in a teenager. They do not participate in the process of manifestation of aggression, but only observe what the aggressor and his victim do.

Teenagers of different genders show aggression in the following ways:

The boys tease, trip, fight, kick.
Girls boycott, gossip, and get offended.

The location and age of the aggressor does not matter, since this emotion manifests itself at any time from an early age.

Psychologists explain teenage aggression by the changes that occur during puberty. A former child who has not yet become an adult is afraid of the future, is not ready for responsibility and independence, and does not know how to control his emotional experiences. Relationships with parents, as well as the influence of the media, play a significant role here.

Here are the following types of aggressive teenagers:

Hyperactive, who grew up in a family where everything was allowed to him.
Touchy, characterized by vulnerability and irritability.
Oppositional defiant, who demonstratively opposes people whom he does not consider his authority.
Aggressive-fearful, in which fears and suspicion are manifested.
Aggressively insensitive, who does not have sympathy or empathy.

Male aggression

Men are often the benchmarks of aggression. It seems that women should not be as aggressive as men. However, this feeling is common to everyone. Male aggression often manifests itself in open form. At the same time, the stronger sex does not experience feelings of guilt and anxiety. For them, this emotion is a kind of companion that helps them achieve goals and form a special model of behavior.

Scientists have put forward a theory that male aggression is a genetic factor. In all centuries, men had to conquer territories and lands, wage wars, protect their families, etc. At the same time, representatives of the weaker sex note this quality, which manifests itself in dominance and leadership, as attractive to them.

A modern man has many reasons why aggression manifests itself in him:

Dissatisfaction with one's social and financial situation.
Lack of culture of behavior.
Lack of self-confidence.
Lack of other forms of manifestation of one’s independence and strength.

In the current situation, when a man is required to be financially wealthy and successful, while there are practically no opportunities to achieve these statuses, the stronger sex has a high level of anxiety. Every time society reminds a man in various ways of how untenable he is. This is often reinforced by an unsettled personal life or lack of sexual relationships with women.

Men are trained to keep their experiences to themselves. However, aggression comes out, which is a consequence of unsettled life. It is difficult for a man to use all his capabilities in a world where he should be cultured and friendly, since anger and rage are often punished.

Women's aggression

Aggression is often associated with masculine behavior. However, women are also prone to dissatisfaction, which simply manifests itself in slightly different forms. Being a weaker creature than a man, a woman tries to express her aggression a little softly. If the victim seems strong or equal in strength, then the woman's aggression is moderate. If we are talking about a child at whom aggression is directed, then the woman may not restrain herself.

Being a more emotional and social creature, a woman is prone to displaying soft or hidden aggression. Women become more aggressive in old age. Psychologists associate this with dementia and negative character deterioration. At the same time, a woman’s satisfaction with her own life remains important. If she is dissatisfied, unhappy, then her internal tension increases.

Often a woman’s aggressiveness is associated with internal tension and emotional outbursts. A woman, no less than a man, is subject to various restrictions and obligations. She must start a family and give birth to children, always be beautiful and kind. If a woman does not have good reasons for kindness, a man for starting a family and having children, or physiological data for achieving beauty, this significantly oppresses her.

The cause of female aggression is often:

Hormonal imbalance.
Mental disorders.
Childhood traumas, hostility towards mother.
Negative experiences with contacts with the opposite sex.

A woman is made dependent on a man from childhood. She must be “married.” And when relationships with the opposite sex do not work out, which is common in modern society, this causes internal tension and dissatisfaction.

Aggression in older people

The most unpleasant and sometimes incomprehensible phenomenon is aggression in older people. Children are raised to “respect their elders” because they are smarter and wiser. Their knowledge helps the world become a better place. However, older people are practically no different from their younger counterparts. Aggression by older people becomes a weak quality that does not inspire respect.

The reason for the aggressiveness of older people is a change in life as a result of social degradation. When a person retires, he loses his previous activity. Here memory decreases, health deteriorates, and the meaning of life is lost. An elderly person feels forgotten, unwanted, lonely. If this is reinforced by a poor existence and lack of interests and hobbies, then the elderly person either becomes depressed or becomes aggressive.

We can call aggression by older people a way of communicating with others, a method of attracting attention to themselves. Here are the following forms of aggression:

Grumpiness.
Irritability.
Opposition to everything new.
Protest attitude.
Groundless accusations and insults.
High propensity for conflicts.

The main problem of older people is loneliness, especially after the death of one of the spouses. If children do not pay much attention to the elderly person, then he feels acute loneliness.

Degeneration or infection of brain cells also affects behavior changes at any age. Since these phenomena mostly occur in old age, doctors first rule out brain diseases as the cause of aggression.

Husband's aggression

In love relationships, the most discussed topic is the aggressiveness of husbands. Because women express their despotism differently, flamboyant displays of male aggression become commonplace. The causes of conflicts and quarrels in the family are:

Unequal distribution of responsibilities.
Dissatisfaction with intimate relationships.
Different understandings of the rights and responsibilities of spouses.
Not meeting your needs in relationships.
Unequal contribution of both parties to the relationship.
Lack of importance and value of a person as a partner.
Financial difficulties.
Inability to solve all emerging problems, their accumulation and periodic disputes because of them.

Many problems can cause aggression in a husband, but the most important are social status, financial wealth and sexual satisfaction. If a man is not satisfied in all plans, then he habitually looks for someone to blame - his wife. She is not sexy enough to want, does not inspire him to make money, does not become his support, etc.

A dissatisfied and insecure man begins to find fault, quarrel, point, and command a woman. In this way he tries to normalize his inferior life. If we analyze the situation, it turns out that aggression in husbands arises on the basis of their complexes and inadequacy, and not because of their wives.

The mistake women with aggressive husbands make is that they try to improve the relationship. It is the husbands who must correct the situation, not the women. Here wives make the following mistakes:

They talk about their hopes and fears, which further convinces their husbands that they are weak.
They share their plans, which gives their husbands another reason to criticize them.
They share their successes, expecting their husbands to rejoice at them.
They try to find common topics for conversation, but are faced with silence and coldness.

Treatment of aggression

The treatment of aggression does not mean medicinal elimination of the problem, but psychological one. Only in rare cases are tranquilizers and antidepressants used, which can calm the nervous system. However, a person will never completely get rid of aggressive behavior. Therefore, the treatment of aggression means developing skills to control it and understand the current situation.

If aggression is directed at you, you must understand that you are not obliged to tolerate attacks. Even if we are talking about your husband/wife or children, you still remain a person who has the right to be treated with kindness and care. The situation becomes especially painful when it comes to aggressive behavior of parents towards children. This is a situation in which the victim is almost never able to resist the pressure.

No one is obliged to endure other people's attacks. Therefore, if you become the object of someone’s aggression, you can safely fight back by any means. If you yourself are an aggressor, then this problem is yours personally. Here it is necessary to carry out exercises to eliminate one’s own aggressiveness.

Firstly, the causes of the aggression should be recognized. Nothing happens for nothing. Even mentally ill people have reasons to be aggressive. What moment was the trigger that made you feel angry? After realizing the cause of your negative emotions, you should take steps to change your attitude towards the situation.

The second point is that the reason must be devalued or eliminated. If you need to change your personal attitude towards a situation, then you should do it; If you need to solve a problem (for example, eliminate dissatisfaction), then you should make an effort and be patient.

You should not fight your own aggression, but understand the reasons for its occurrence, since eliminating these reasons allows you to cope with any negative emotions.

Forecast

The result of any emotion is a certain event that becomes decisive. Anything can be a predictor of the consequences of aggression:

Losing connections with good people.
Divorce or separation from a loved one.
Dismissal from work.
Unsettled life.
Lack of support from important people.
Lack of understanding.
Loneliness, etc.

In some cases, the question even arises about the life expectancy of the person who enters into conflict. When physical violence occurs in the family or in the company of hooligans, it can result in death.

If a person does not try to control his aggressive impulses, he will face various negative consequences. His environment will consist only of people who should not be trusted. Only an aggressive person can be close to the same aggressor.

The consequences of controlling one's own aggression can be successful. Firstly, a person will not spoil relationships with those who are dear to him. I really want to throw out my emotions and show my character. However, if you understand what the consequences may be, it is better to prevent an undesirable outcome.

Secondly, a person can channel aggression into a constructive direction. You cannot get rid of this emotion, but you can subjugate it. For example, aggression is good when a person is dissatisfied with an unachieved goal. In this case, he wants to make every effort to realize his plans.

If a person cannot cope with his aggression on his own, then he should consult a psychologist. He will help you find the right answers to your questions, as well as develop a behavior strategy that will help you pacify aggression and take the right actions in the right situations.

The opinion of the leading Russian psychologist of the CROSS club, Mikhail Maslov, is how to increase self-esteem, how to become successful, by analyzing and recognizing your attitude to the two most powerful human emotions, anger and fear. Fear is not as terrible, anger is not as terrible as they seem at first glance.

Unexpressed aggression inevitably causes a strong feeling of guilt. We are embarrassed to express our natural emotions. Aggression is directed at us and eats us up from the inside.

Where does the prohibition on expressing this emotion, which is actually useful for survival, come from? How to overcome this barrier?

Thesis: The main reason for self-doubt is an internal prohibition on feeling and expressing aggression.

First I want to define and expand the concept of aggressiveness. It will be slightly different from the concept of aggressiveness, which is used “by default” in society and is understood in the meaning of “bad, destructive. This is true, but these are infantile or immature forms of expression of aggression. I will say more about forms of aggression below.

Aggression is any act aimed at modifying oneself or the world around oneself.

And what do you think, what tool has nature (evolution, God, creator) endowed people with for developing themselves, protecting themselves, their interests, territory, personality? This is the emotion of anger. When does anger arise? When there is a source of discomfort and a person feels subjectively stronger than the source of discomfort (B.M. Litvak’s definition). And if a person perceives himself as weaker, then what emotion arises? Fear. This is the second emotion genetically given to a person, which is also aimed at protecting one’s interests and one’s personality. By the way, fear, like anger, is, in terms of intensity of experience, the most powerful emotions a person can experience.

Let's get creative. Imagine that you are crossing the road, even if the traffic light is green. But then you see a car approaching you at high speed from the left, honking its horn, flashing its headlights, and you understand that it is not going to slow down. How will you feel? Probably at first you will allow yourself to get angry that they want to ask you to quickly get out of the way, although you have every right to occupy the crossing, but the closer the car approaches, the more you will feel what emotion? Fear. Fear for your life and this fear will somehow begin to spur you on, and you will quickly leave the roadway.

Now imagine that you are crossing the road in a tank when the traffic light is green. And from the left, a car is also approaching you, honking its horn, flashing its headlights, and generally wants to hurry you up. How will you feel? It will probably be different somehow, but there will be no fear. Why? What distinguishes the first situation from the second? In the second situation, there is an understanding and feeling of being armed, able and ready to fight back if necessary.

So what makes it possible for a person to be confident and ready to fight back if necessary? This is the ability and opportunity to experience anger and internally allow oneself to be aggressive.

I remember how one young man who was taking a script reprogramming course read out an autobiography and described the events when he served in the army. He told how the old-timers forced him to do something, put pressure on him, humiliated him, forced him to fight. But despite the fact that he had a second adult rank in boxing, it was extremely difficult for him to defend himself: “It feels like you are tied hand and foot, although my hands and feet are free and I know how to fight, but psychologically I can’t allow myself to do this.” . Those. For some reason, a person sheaths his tool to protect himself and forbids himself to use it. The magnitude of this prohibition determines the feeling of being strong or weak when a person is faced with a manifestation of aggression directed at him. And this prohibition is called moralization.

How and where does this ban come from? It often happens that parents, for their own reasons, treat the child as an extension of themselves, do not want to accept the child in all its manifestations and do not want to see manifestations of anger directed at them. And vice versa, they want their child to only admire them. And when a child, completely normal for himself, shows anger at his parents from the age of 3-4 years, then the parents punish the child for this with various sanctions. Basically, this is rejection “I don’t need you like that,” and rejection is one of the most terrible situations for a child. This is either retaliatory anger, beatings, or manipulations based on feelings of guilt and shame, “Shame on you, I’m your mother,” or manipulations based on feelings of negation, “I’m not talking to you,” “My child doesn’t behave like that,” “I I will love another Dima.” And then the child imposes an internal ban on feeling and expressing anger, because... understands that defending one’s interests and being oneself is scarier (i.e., losing a relationship is scarier) than enduring suffering in a relationship. Those. The child sheaths a certain psychological sword with which one can and should defend himself, the mother fills the neck of the sheath with sealing wax, stamps it “Do not open, do not use, indecent, uncivilized. Aren’t you ashamed, I’m your mother,” and what kind of person goes out into the world in terms of weapons? Disarmed.

What will happen next? What emotions will the person experience? Imagine that you are walking down the street without a weapon, and a man comes out to meet you, takes out two submachine guns, points them at him and says, “Well, let’s talk?” How will you feel? What emotion should you feel? Fear, anxiety. Will you try to make this person stop shooting at you? Yes. Those. you will form a list of expectations from yourself and when this list is not fulfilled, what emotion will arise? Guilt. Or a feeling of resentment. Those. it is anger, but directed at oneself. What will happen to the feeling of self-confidence? It will not be there, but instead there will be a feeling of anxiety, suspiciousness, shyness and a desire to please the other person. You will live with the feeling that someone else can be angry with me (shoot at me), but I can’t respond.

And what will happen in such an emotional state with the realization of your desires? I understand that there will be situations where they will evaluate me and put psychological pressure on me, but what are these situations like for me? Pleasant or not so pleasant? These are very scary situations for me, these are situations that cause a lot of stress. And when I want to do something, then at the same time how will I do it? Scary. And then the more scared, the more likely it is that I will say to myself what? “I’m not interested in doing this,” “it’s not mine.” What will happen to your interests in life and your emotional state in general? How will I feel if I suppressed one of the most powerful emotions in terms of severity - fear. What will happen to weaker emotions: interest, joy, a sense of meaning? Will I be able to feel a weaker emotion if I have stopped myself from feeling a stronger one? No. And then I will feel that “I’m bored”, “I’m not interested”, “I’m lazy”, I don’t know what I want and in general I don’t want anything. This state can be called emotional mortification, “either will or captivity, it’s all the same.”

What will happen to the body if you suppress anger? The unconscious will react in its own way, without asking the person whether he wants him to have a reaction in response or not. Anger will be expressed through psychosomatic illnesses. For example. The subordinate’s character remains the desire to please everyone, he feels inferior when significant people evaluate him and such a person is his boss. But the boss mocked his subordinate, yelled at him, and assessed his personality negatively. The subordinate left the conversation with the boss feeling grateful for the criticism. But after 10 minutes, the subordinate began to have a headache. Blood pressure rose. Those. there is a reaction to the invasion of personal boundaries, but it is not realized. This can be compared to an attack on Russia with nuclear weapons, in response to which our military also presses the “Start” button, and a rocket with an atomic bomb leaves the launch pad in an underground mine, but when it flies up to the lid of the underground mine, it turns out that the lid they forgot to open the mines. And then the rocket explodes on Russian territory.

So, anger, if it is not felt, not experienced or, if necessary, not expressed, then it is transformed into a rise in blood pressure, spasms of the muscles of the back, neck, and throat.

If there is too much suppressed anger, then these emotions can destroy a person, and then another protective mechanism is activated - depression. Depression does the same thing to the psyche as weakness, fever, or lack of appetite during a viral disease. Those. In order for the body to focus on fighting the viral disease, weakness appears and the person goes to bed. Meanwhile, the body continues to intensively fight the viral infection. Likewise, depression somewhat dampens mental activity so that excessive emotions do not destroy a person. For example, suppressed anger is transformed either into headaches or into a depressive state. Although the only correct emotion in response to personal insult and invasion of personal boundaries should be what? This is retaliatory anger.

So what to do and what forms of expression of aggression are acceptable and which are not?

I would begin to answer this question by first distinguishing between the concepts of aggressiveness and destructiveness. Or they would separate infantile (not mature) and mature aggression - on the one hand, and aggression directed at oneself and the outside world on the other.

What is mature aggression? Any act of creation, initiative - is it a phenomenon in itself? Aggressive. If I create something, it assumes that what was created before me somehow needs correction, is somehow outdated, has somehow lost its relevance. And with my creative product, I treat other creative products aggressively. And this is mature aggression, i.e. energy aimed at transforming and improving the world around you. From here follows the understanding that any initiative is punishable (if it is not expected). And everything new has the well-known three stages of implementation: Resistance “This cannot be”, adaptation “There is something in this”, and acceptance “This is the only way it should be”.

If mature aggression is directed at oneself, then what do you think this is expressed in? In transforming whom and in what direction? Yourself towards the realization of your abilities and needs. Those. mature aggression is gnawing on the granite of science and processing it for oneself and other people. This is a modification of oneself in the direction of development, acquisition of skills and knowledge.

What about infantile aggression? This is the destruction of something, causing physical, material, moral harm to other people. And infantile aggression directed at oneself is self-destruction, feelings of guilt, resentment, and anger at oneself.

So what stops you from being aggressive? Most often, this is a moralization or prejudice that anger and aggression are bad. This is rude, this is unacceptable. And along with this prejudice, the concept of which includes “aggression is a scandal,” a person bans himself from feeling and expressing aggression as a tool for protecting his personality and realizing himself in general.

In order to feel confident, it is enough to allow yourself to get angry, if necessary, but not necessarily to express it. Because very few people can accept anger without ending the relationship or punishing it with other sanctions. Conversely, there are a lot of people who treat other people as objects that should only be admired. Then you will feel that you can defend your interests, that you are psychologically armed. This state is felt by another person and he understands that “it’s better not to, don’t interfere, it will be worse for both.” This is read non-verbally and felt by another person. Much like how nuclear powers do not attack each other because they understand that it will be worse for both.

After a person allows himself to feel anger, then more subtle and weaker feelings are released: interest, joy, love, the ability to feel and experience belonging to meaning. Those. the person begins to feel alive.

And I would also like to talk about one form of aggression that is most difficult to resist. What do you think this is? This is care and supposedly love disguised as care. A person who cares about you often says what? “I love you, I want you to feel better.” Those. This is how a person rationalizes his aggression; this aggression is often not felt and is just as strongly binding and immobilizing as the direct expression of aggression in the form of coercion to do something. It can be especially difficult to get rid of a caring aggressor when you realize that this is a person close to you.

Good luck to you in your ability to be mature aggressors!

You can practice the skills of correctly expressing your emotions, start living a full life, or simply learn more about your own psychological portrait at our seminars dedicated to “Personal Growth”. The series of seminars is called “How to get out of the script and start living.” Look at the schedule of CROSS club seminars for the dates that are relevant to you