Question to a psychologist
Hello! I’m 21 years old. I don’t work anywhere, I don’t study, I don’t do anything, I have friends, but I don’t really want to go out with them, and all this is because I have become afraid of everything!!! I began to blush and are afraid of everything. Now I don’t speak much, I don’t appear in companies, I don’t have the energy to study at all (even just going to university is scary), I can’t go to a cafe, etc. I blush even when I talk to my parents (but at least they are close and it doesn’t bother them) .I just can’t understand what has turned upside down in my life? I used to perform on stage, I wasn’t afraid to communicate with guys. Rarely did anything bother me, I felt good, confident))) Beautiful. Guys still stare, but as soon as they see, that I’m blushing, they start laughing. The only place where I can still feel comfortable is the street and the evening. So no one can see me blushing, so I feel confident, very much so))) I laugh, I say something. What to do next I can’t imagine at all. I became very dependent because of this redness of the face (my whole face is like cancer) I can’t do anything because of this. Moreover, the redness of the face came and only after that I started being terribly afraid of everything and everyone is afraid. Methods - need to be adjusted to a positive wave, repeat to yourself that everything is NOT working well. Why does the face turn red and how can I get rid of these fears?
Answers from psychologists
Hello Anna.
As far as I know, redness of the face and neck can occur from excitement or embarrassment in people who have thin skin or blood vessels located close to the skin. Why do you think guys laugh at your redness? Usually a blushing person looks very touching and cute. Have you ever asked a guy like this why he laughs? Try it, maybe the answer will surprise you greatly.
Sincerely, psychologist Elena Andreevna, Barnaul
Good answer 3 Bad answer 1There are methods that work effectively in such cases, but to try it you need READINESS AND COURAGE.
Most of all, you are afraid of a negative assessment, fear grows, adrenaline is released, it is this hormone that is responsible for the redness of the skin. As a result, the more afraid you are of a negative assessment, the more you attract attention to yourself with the “redness” of your face.
There is a so-called paradoxical method, its essence is described in the book by Nardone J. “The Art of Rapid Change”! If you are too lazy to read, please contact me, I work via Skype.
Dushkova Olga Nikolaevna, psychologist Syktyvkar
Good answer 7 Bad answer 0Good afternoon, Anna.
In your case, you need to openly look at internal contradictions. Contradictions within a personality are always accompanied by fears and defenses against fears. In your case, fear is of great importance in the structure of the personality. Not a verbal reaction to it, blushing. Help to understand thoroughly and understand your fears in a new way level, the best solution in your case. Think about working in this direction. Consultative meetings will bring changes in your sense of self and adaptability to the external and internal world as a whole. Skype sessions are also effective in your case.
All the best.
Sincerely.
Kudryashova Alla Albertovna, psychologist Minsk
Good answer 4 Bad answer 0I'm afraid of everything, what should I do?
It is difficult to experience such a state when a person is afraid of everything, because he experiences a feeling of fear and self-doubt in all areas of life. This gives rise to complexes and interferes with career advancement. In the end, it interferes with building a happy personal life. But it is not only possible to fight this condition, but also necessary.
First of all, tell yourself that you will succeed! And then find a good therapist. Phobias, including social phobia, are treated primarily by a psychotherapist. He will work with you individually, for this you must trust him. The results of the work of psychotherapists in treating phobias are very good.
Phobias are usually treated with medication in cases where a person refuses the help of a psychotherapist. I wish you all the best!
I can say from my own experience that only frequent communication and an active life can overcome shyness and fear of other people.
When you have a choice whether to communicate with other people or not, it’s difficult to force yourself, but when communication is necessary, for example, work, going to the clinic with children, some kind of paperwork, then all this forces you to communicate and this is the practice when you will each time you feel more confident when talking with strangers.
In principle, we are afraid of rudeness, rudeness or arrogance, in response to which we will not be able to fight back or are not accustomed to calmly reacting to anger or unfriendliness without offense.
And frequent forced communication shows that people are mostly normal, friendly, and if we encounter rudeness, then we can get over it once again and react to it more calmly.
So communicate and don't be afraid.
The task of fighters like you is to overcome yourself, your complexes and fears, improve yourself, and work on yourself. Someone has a calling: to save, to help other people. For some, it’s to fight for justice. Your purpose is to save yourself, to help yourself. Your internal problems, tightness, and complexes should not be perceived as an annoying hindrance, but as something that makes you move forward and grow. It just seems like it's a drag. It's actually a motor. Everything depends only on your perception of the situation and your efforts. If esoteric views are close to you, then we can say that the difficulties on your path of self-realization (your complexes) are caused by karma and how you react to them will determine what kind of person you will become.
There are people who are self-confident from the cradle, don’t put your finger in their mouth, they will always snatch the best piece of life. And there are those who are quiet, withdrawn, sensitive and afraid of everything. Life is much more difficult for them, but if they gather courage, if they overcome inner fear, they will emerge from this struggle as heroes. Then they will understand that they are no worse than those around them, but on the contrary, even better, subtler, deeper in some ways.
I think this cannot be learned! An improvement in this direction is possible. Fears in our lives exist in order to overcome them and strive to overcome them! To do this, you need to improve in this direction, try not to be afraid of your fears, find a person who can and wants to help you in this matter. And then everything will work out for you.)
Try to do something that causes fear. For example: if you are afraid to talk or meet new people, start asking passers-by on the street: what time is it, where is such and such a house number, etc. After all, it’s not difficult to ask such insignificant things, and each time it will make everything easier and easier, and thus the fear of communicating with strangers will disappear. And then, for example, in stores you can ask sellers something about the product, thereby conducting a longer dialogue and with such primas there will be no trace of the fear of social phobia. Some famous people, very afraid of the fear of death, even lay down in a coffin to overcome it, thereby changing their attitude. Because when you look fear in the face, you realize that there is nothing wrong with it. The main thing is to take the first step towards overcoming it. Every person has various fears, so you shouldn’t get hung up on them, and you shouldn’t think about how to get rid of them, but simply try to enjoy your actions that caused difficulty, and when the pleasure of what is happening comes first, the fears will automatically will disappear. I also advise you to go in for sports, for example, yoga brings balance to the body and mind, and as you know, a healthy mind in a healthy body. Look at people who play sports, they are never unsure of themselves, because the physical state of the body greatly influences the moral and psychological sense of oneself.
There are two options here: either continue to be afraid of everything without hiding it, or just be afraid to tremble, but not show it what is called visually.
Inside yourself please, but don’t let others see you.
As for not being afraid of anything, it doesn’t happen like that, everyone is afraid, people just hide it (read the first part of the comment).
This is what you need to learn.
It is impossible to learn not to be afraid of anything. Since the feeling of fear is a natural instinct of self-preservation of a living being, inherent by nature itself in its genes and in the mechanism of the body, which sensitively reacts to any danger from the outside. Whether this danger is realized or not realized by a person is the same. But to learn how to experience fear, but at the same time continue to move, despite its certain peculiarity of fear, causing a constraining effect is quite possible. That is, for example, let's take the following episode: - A person is afraid of heights, any height, even insignificant. Suddenly, while walking through a deserted place, he sees a small kitten climbing high up a tree and cannot get down (this happens when a kitten or cat runs away from a dog). A tree with many branches, which will not be difficult to climb, but the difficulty lies in something else - height, a person’s fear of heights. And, at the same time, the desire to help the kitten prevails, it is a pity for him, and it is necessary to somehow take the kitten down. The power of desire is always stronger than the power of fear if the desire comes from consciousness, which convinces a person to take any necessary actions to achieve that very desired thing. The man climbed after the kitten, while experiencing a fear of heights, but despite this, he managed to safely take the kitten and go down. At the same time, fear does not disappear anywhere; if something similar happens next time, the person will repeat the same thing again, experiencing fear, but doing his job. But, the second time, fear will already change, and its strength will become different, not the same as before, but weaker. Because as soon as a person realizes, he knows that he can perform such actions despite fear, he will already be familiar with the situation. Therefore, everything that is unknown to us can cause fear until you become familiar with or know the unknown. According to this principle, one must learn to overcome fear in any spheres and phenomena, guided by one’s consciousness. For example, if we take the case of the same kitten, but now let’s imagine that the tree has no branches - the trunk is smooth, and it’s risky to climb on it, since you might fall off, or you simply won’t be able to do it at all. Then it’s not worth trying to climb such a tree. But instead, guided by your consciousness, call the rescue service on the phone, or the fire department with their long ladder, or call another object for help. Thus, in the interconnection of consciousness and desire, one can overcome fears and weaken their strength, and some fears will disappear completely.
Only conversations with a knowledgeable person (most often a psychologist) will be able to suppress this feeling in you, realize it, understand WHY you are afraid and how to cope with it.
You won’t be able to do it on your own, you will only bury this problem even deeper and will not be able to get rid of it.
You cannot be systematically afraid of everything. You may simply have psychological trauma and the doctor will not help here.
There is only one way out, namely, go to a psychologist and treat your soul from the inside, then maybe there will be an effect.
They wrote to me on the forum, I replied:
Question:
@anonymous
Hello. I would like to ask for advice on how I can learn to deal with my problems. I’m a very, very suspicious person, I’m afraid of everything, I worry about everyone. I twist other people’s problems onto myself. And I inflate them to such an extent that then it’s very difficult for me to get out of this state. I went to psychologists, even turned to psychotherapists, but that’s not my thing, I don’t want to stuff myself pills, etc.. I want to cope on my own but I can’t. I’m afraid that something will happen to me or to my family. There are no prerequisites and I understand that from the moment I started suffering from this (4 years ago) nothing has happened (ugh ugh ugh) except that my psyche is very disturbed, but I can’t help myself.
Khazhilina Irina Ivanovna
@anonymous, actually psychologists and psychotherapists use psychotherapy, not pills. Was it offered to you? What happened during the sessions? Have you found the cause of the condition? What happened 4 years ago?
@anonymous
Nothing terrible. It’s just that after the birth of my son, I began to react very badly to everything. I was very suspicious as a child. It’s just that when my son was little, sometimes while playing he asked where my mommy was. And I thought, what if there’s something wrong with me? happen. Then I talked to my mother and she told me that if you think like that, then it will happen. So I became fixated on this. You could say it turned into a phobia. I began to be afraid of everything. VSD appeared, etc. I struggle with it, but sometimes it just hits me. And the psychotherapist said that I was very suspicious and I shouldn’t watch bad programs, etc.
Khazhilina Irina Ivanovna
@anonymous, in general, phobias and panic do not arise simply from suspiciousness. There is usually some kind of trigger. And for this condition to go away, you need to find its cause and eliminate it. If the cause is not found, psychotherapy does not work. What is your relationship like with your husband and with your own parents?
@anonymous:
Yes, in principle, the relationship is good. In childhood, everything was not so bad either. They loved me and spoiled me. Maybe my father just got drunk and beat my mother. I was afraid of him. And I even wanted him to die. But when he was sober, everything was fine. Then my mother’s sister died (she had cancer) and she died very quickly. She died the day her daughter gave birth. Then a few months later, another sister died from drunkenness. Everyone still had children. Because of this, my mother also started drinking. But after the birth of my son, she stopped. Then, 4 years later, my father died. And I somehow got lost. I began to be afraid of him. I dreamed about him, I’m even afraid to go to the house where he was. I dreamed about the windows of this house and that he was there and I’m afraid. Then, after visiting a psychologist, everything it passed little by little. But I became who I am now. I told psychologists this. And in the conversation I realized that everything was not as scary as I described. But time passes and everything comes back again. I understand that I’m inflating myself but I can’t stop
All people are afraid of something, sometimes they don’t even understand where this fear came from. But if you don’t get rid of it, it can easily turn into a phobia. It is simply impossible to control it, moreover, a person can go crazy. This problem can be overcome, but to do this you will have to answer the question: “Why am I afraid?” Only after you manage to figure out where this or that fear came from will you be able to cope with it and live life to the fullest.
Causes of fears
If we understand the causes of fears and phobias, we can conclude that any fear is a creation of our mind. Therefore, if desired, all fears can be neutralized if you approach the problem correctly.
According to research by psychologists, most fears and phobias originate from a person’s childhood. Perhaps something scared him; As a result, he carried his fear through the years, it was deeply rooted in his consciousness and during this time it became even stronger than it was. Often fears and phobias arise due to negative events that happened to a person or to his relative or friend. Now he's afraid it will happen again.
Often the cause of fear is an inferiority complex: a person simply compares himself with others and in most cases loses to them. Because of his low self-esteem, he is afraid to do something and take responsibility, since he is programming himself in advance for failure.
As a result, this state of affairs leads to the fact that a person develops fear of the world around him. You must definitely fight this fear, and you should start by asking yourself the question: “Why am I afraid of everything?” As soon as you can find the answer after consultation with a psychologist, there is a high probability that the fear will disappear.
How to overcome fears and phobias?
There are a huge number of ways to cope with your own fears. It is best, of course, to act together with a psychologist who will help you quickly understand the cause of fear. However, there are also exercises that can be supplemented with treatment to make it more successful.
Exercise "Why am I afraid?.."
First of all, you should relax and try to remember all your fears. Then write them down on a piece of paper and read them. Choose your most important fear, for example: “Why am I afraid to speak in front of people?”
Now we need to remember why this happens. Perhaps you were ridiculed as a child for your opinions, and now you are afraid to express them. Now look around: you probably have a lot of victories, and your ideas bring in good income. You are no longer a frightened child, but a successful adult who can freely share your thoughts with people. Try speaking out in the presence of a small number of people: when they listen to you with interest, confidence will settle in you, and fear will disappear. It would also be a great option to become a member of a public speaking or debate club.
Why are some people afraid to love? Perhaps this is a sad past experience; They stepped on the same rake more than once and were abandoned. However, you should not close your heart to love: you can still meet a person who will love you, and even very soon. To prevent a negative situation from repeating itself, you need to analyze your previous experience and understand what unites these cases. Perhaps you paid little attention to your loved one or you have habits that lead to a breakup over and over again. After working on yourself, you will become more confident and calm.
Some people ask the question: "Why am I afraid of people?" The fear of communicating and interacting with people is called social phobia. You can only get rid of this by turning to a psychologist, since doing this on your own will be very difficult.
Positive outlook and meditation
Meditation will help you get rid of fears. Sit down and relax, imagine that you are in a magical place where nothing threatens you. Invite your fears and shine the light on them; wait until they disappear completely and leave the meditation. In a month you will be much less afraid, and in two months you will forget about phobias altogether. You just need to look at everything positively and try to think about the good.
Learn more about overcoming fears. Our articles will help you with this.
There is no smoke without fire. There is no effect without a cause. Any emotion we have, including fear, is necessarily conditioned by something. Therefore, in order to effectively deal with the fears that prevent us from living, it is necessary to answer the question: “Why am I afraid?” This is not as easy to do as it seems at first glance.
Fears can be divided into explainable and inexplicable. With explainable ones, everything is clear: the person experienced an unpleasant situation, remembers it well and is afraid of repetition. What about inexplicable fears? Probably everyone has experienced a feeling of anxiety at a moment when, it would seem, nothing threatens. Sometimes this very inexplicability becomes the reason for the emergence of persistent fear of a situation similar to the one when this anxiety visited you for the first time. And yet there is always a reason, but getting to the bottom of it can be difficult. Often we cannot realize it because it lies outside our conscious experience - in early childhood. How many of us remember ourselves before the age of three? Meanwhile, this is a period of colossal accumulation of information, which very seriously affects our entire subsequent life.
Most of our fears come from childhood. But some have even deeper roots. A number of researchers argue that many fears are based on the genetic memory of our ancestors. The memory of times when the world was mysterious, incomprehensible, dangerous.
Classical psychoanalysis helps to identify the cause of children's fears. Well, “genetic” - perhaps only regressive hypnosis (immersion in a past life). However, if the inexplicable fear has not yet become obsessive, you can limit yourself to simply realizing that you carry this fear from childhood, when any nonsense could scare you to the point of hiccups. Or in general, this fear is not yours, but your very distant ancestor, who was bitten by a mammoth, and as a result you are afraid of elephants.
In order to understand the nature of your fear, you need to look inside yourself and learn to be honest with yourself. Fear is a problem, and all problems arise for three reasons.
Ballast. Throughout life, a person accumulates many ideas and attitudes that clog his thinking. Very many fears are caused precisely by the narrowness and constriction of thought. “The wisdom of language” brings us to the cause of fear: the German word Angst (fear) goes back to the Latin angusfus and means narrow, cramped. That is, in cramped conditions, in extremely limited conditions, we experience fear. This is also indicated by the Latin word apdog, which means narrowing, constraint, as well as fear and anxiety. Another Latin word apdege is even more transparent, the double meaning of fear and narrowing is manifested here much more clearly, for the word is translated both as press, reap, squeeze, limit, squeeze, and as frighten, torment, disturb. As soon as we constrain ourselves, separate, isolate, as soon as we cease to be a natural part of the whole, we are dealing with fear. It is an inevitable consequence of the narrow orientation of human consciousness towards the external world.
Fetters. Each of us has some concepts, beliefs, principles according to which we act, one way or another. Sometimes these beliefs turn into shackles - limiters of our behavior. The more such limiters, the more complexes a person has. and, consequently, fears.
Framework. Sometimes we don’t see seemingly obvious solutions simply because we are used to doing everything according to a template. Therefore, in unplanned situations we get lost and panic. Refusal of frameworks involves the activation of the creative abilities inherent in each of us and search activity. And when we act and decide, we have no time to be afraid.
The natural instinct of self-preservation makes us afraid of heights, poisonous snakes, and fires. And there is no need to overcome this fear unless you are planning a career as a high-rise installer, herpetologist or firefighter. But if this fear is interfering with your daily life, then this is a reason to take your mental health seriously. Fear complicates life, but does not subjugate it completely. A phobia forces a person to change his lifestyle in order to minimize the possibility of meeting the object of his fear. For example, you are afraid of bees or wasps. On this basis, you will not climb into the hive, bypass the apiary or fruit tray, over which these insects usually circle in the summer. This is fear. But if, out of fear of meeting a bee, you refuse to walk in the park or in nature in general, this is a signal that the fear has developed into a phobia.
Inability to breathe deeply, suffocation;
Dizziness, clouding of consciousness, fainting;
Rapid heartbeat, trembling, cold sweat;
Vomiting or stomach upset;
Weakness, numbness, the body stops listening, “cotton” legs;
Pain or tightness in the chest;
The feeling of going crazy.
Phobias, of course, can be treated. Despite the external causelessness of fear, there is always a reason, as we have already said. It’s just hidden very deep in the subconscious. The most tried and tested method is psychoanalysis. Unfortunately, it is available to few. But if you cannot afford to cure your phobia from a good specialist, there is only one thing left to do - change your lifestyle so that the fear ceases to be relevant. In this case, different fears will require different efforts. If you are afraid of bees, spray a handkerchief with a special insect repellent and carry it with you in your purse or pocket. If you're afraid to take the elevator, find an apartment on the first floor.
But in any case, try to find the reason. If you are afraid of elevators because you once got stuck in one, that is one thing; if you are afraid because someone once attacked you in an elevator, or at least just scared you, that is completely different. In this case, you can at least not be afraid to ride in the elevator alone or with people you know well. Or, let's say, you are afraid to ride the subway. It may very well be that the metro has nothing to do with it at all. And the phobia is caused by bad
It is very important to determine the true background of fear