The name egoism comes from the word “ego”, meaning the pronoun “I”. It is inherent in every person within reasonable limits. However, if selfishness takes precedence over other feelings, this can interfere with communication with people, so you should think about how to get rid of selfishness in order to improve relationships with others and your personal life.
Manifestation of selfishness
Egoism is a completely adequate model of human behavior, in which his actions are aimed at obtaining benefits for himself. For any person, one’s own interests are always higher than those of others. It has long been believed that the opposite of selfishness is altruism, although this definition is now rarely used.
Altruism is a manifestation of selflessness, a selfless desire to ensure that other people have the best. Altruists are quite rare among ordinary people.
Philosophy of egoism
Many philosophers are of the opinion that actions aimed at the benefit of other people are nothing more than ordinary kitsch. This behavior is caused by certain aspirations based on simple egoism. Selfishness originates from those times when human life was subordinated to animal instincts. Selfishness is the support of life’s aspirations for the better.
When born, a person is demanding of his parents in order to receive attention and affection. As a result, other aspirations and goals arise - to earn the love of loved ones and friends, to get a good education and a good job, to have a family and children, so that there is someone to love and care about. A person does all this exclusively for his loved one.
Before we talk about how to get rid of egoism, we note that there are two types of it - rational egoism and hedonism.
Rational egoism is a manifestation of one’s own individuality. This is the type of selfishness that manifests itself without harming other people in order to protect its own interests.
Geodonism is excessive selfishness, aimless, ineffective, causing harm to other people. It is this type of selfishness that requires you to think about how to overcome selfishness in yourself. However, people who believe that all means make sense in achieving what they want will never think about how to get rid of this character trait.
It is important for a person to distinguish between the aspirations of not only his own, but also those of others. This will help in the future not to harm other people, to be humane towards them. However, we should not forget that one’s own interests are no less important than the interests of other people. Therefore, it is necessary to adhere to the “golden mean” in everything.
From early childhood we are taught that selfishness is bad. And indeed it is. Children do not know how to pay attention to the needs of other people. While they are small, such behavior is justified. Only when children grow up does excessive selfishness interfere with existing in society. That is why it is necessary to understand the line when it is possible or not.
Every person should have a model of negative and positive behavior. Therefore, the consequences of selfish behavior must already be taken into account. If the manifestation of selfishness benefits people, then there is nothing bad in it. Selfish desires should be abandoned if they can lead to negative consequences.
Before you think about how to get rid of selfishness, you need to think about how exactly those around you will react to a certain action and how you would like them to do the same towards you.
The wife is in a good mood, she is happy and wants to do good things for her loved ones. This leads the wife to the idea of preparing a delicious dinner. She is guided by her own desires, but also does something nice for others. There is nothing wrong with such selfishness.
The wife wants to buy herself an expensive item, while money is needed to make a necessary purchase for one of the family members. The wife's action can harm her loved ones. It should not be done even if there is a strong desire to receive the thing. By thinking not only about yourself, but also about your loved ones, you can easily get rid of the feeling of selfishness.
Take into account the interests of others when making decisions, consciously force yourself to give gifts to people, spend some amount on other people every month, volunteer - this way you will get used to the fact that you are not the only person in this world and are able to please, or even make you happy. those around you, and you won’t have to think about how to get rid of selfishness - you will simply forget about it.
Overcoming selfishness
How to get rid of ego? The question of confirming one’s own individuality is very exciting and straightforward, which characterizes the desire to realize one’s ego. However, quite a large number of people strive to find a solution to how to get rid of the ego, because they mistakenly believe that it greatly interferes with their lives and does not bear fruit in their aspirations and undertakings.
In human psychology, the ego resolves very important issues, being the main means for identifying oneself with certain objects, phenomena and qualities. At the same time, due to it, the main part of self-awareness is realized, without which the existence of the personality and the individual as a whole is not possible.
Such a mistaken desire to get rid of the ego forces a person to exist completely only at the expense of his own intellectual life, without being able to enjoy his accomplishments. This means that from a free creative individual he turns into a servant. There are no examples of such people in history, since none of those who were disgraced could help but identify themselves with certain objects or phenomena of our world.
Having managed to get rid of egoism, having lost the ego, a person is not deprived of individuality, but will not be able to find himself among society, since he will not determine his own belonging to any of its categories. In fact, he will not understand what exactly society means for all people, he will begin to value individuality and abandon communication, relegating it to the very background of all.
Objectively speaking, rejecting the ambitions for which he should try, the one who has lost his ego is not essentially a member of society, since he does not realize his importance in it. At the same time, many accept as true that losing the ego means moving away from the ordinary canons of human interaction, according to which the desire to benefit from a particular case and situation is implied. Previously, this took the form of a hermit, whereas today it is not a common phenomenon, since most people want to leave behind a significant accomplishment or action.
The desire to remain in history is what helps an individual realize his creative and intellectual potential for his own benefit. At the same time, it also cannot be said that famous altruists and philanthropists were people who successfully neutralized their ego.
This is not the case, because otherwise nothing would be known about them. Therefore, the ego is an integral part of the levels of human consciousness, which is given to him by nature and developed by his own desire. Because of this, the ego cannot be neutralized, cannot be limited, cannot be destroyed - it will always make its existence known.
One of the most common sins in our time is selfishness. Often this attitude towards others is perceived as a character trait that spoils the life not only of its owner, but also of those around him. During the days of Lent, it is important to pay attention to the eradication of sins and passions. We have collected sayings of Athonite saints and elders that will help defeat selfishness.
“In order for the soul to be spiritually resurrected, a person must be crucified so that his spiritual passions and, above all, selfishness die - the disorderly child of pride, which hinders Divine grace and breaks a person’s face.” (Reverend Paisiy Svyatogorets).
“In the soul of a person who has not known perfect love, the two commandments of Christ often become in sharp mutual contradiction. He who loves God withdraws from the world and plunges into some kind of spiritual egoism, and, as if indifferent to what is happening in the world, saves his soul. Passionately loving the human world, lives by its suffering. Carrying within himself sorrow for the world, he rebels against God, considering Him to be the culprit of the suffering with which the whole world is flooded; and sometimes rises to the point of strong hostility.” (Reverend Silouan of Athos).
“Curiosity and selfishness have nothing in common with each other, just as repentance differs from repentance. Judas repented because of his selfishness. The Apostle Peter repented and wept bitterly because of his selfishness.” (Reverend Paisiy Svyatogorets).
“Behind pettiness and grumpiness are selfishness and ingratitude. Such people do not rejoice, but whine, get irritated and are self-absorbed.” (Reverend Paisiy Svyatogorets).
“The true life of a person as an individual forces a person to mortify his egoism. So, the problem is to find the strength to discover the ability to overcome egoism and develop indestructible personal communication.” (St. Gregory Palamas).
“If a person has achieved a state of fearlessness before death, it means that he has conquered his egoism.” (Reverend Paisiy Svyatogorets).
“Where the cold word “mine” is present, there, say the divine fathers, there is no union of love and Christ is expelled; those who are possessed by this passion (of possessiveness), then become characterized by selfishness, love of money, brotherly hatred and every kind of evil, which even now disgraces them.” (St. Gregory Palamas).
“If you have a passion for selfishness, you will never get through the ordeals of the air.” (Elder Dionysius).
“The beginning of good is humility, and the beginning of evil is selfishness.” (Elder Ephraim).
“True humility cannot be acquired without a mentor, especially today, when selfishness takes hold even in infancy. We need to obey a good teacher who must have a good purpose. It’s one thing when it seems to us that we are humbled, and another thing is the truth. The truth is revealed in temptations.” (Elder Dionysius).
“Do not think that those who have selfishness are in their right mind. No! Passion has defeated them, and they are overcome by it in such a way that you cannot find a common language with them. Therefore, let us be careful not to allow selfishness to prevail over us, so that we do not begin to think of ourselves as if we are something, they say, “I know better than another,” and so on in the same spirit, for then the grace of the Holy Spirit retreats from us.” (Elder Dionysius).
“We must be very careful in our affairs, work to eradicate selfishness, which, like a terrible beast, gnaws at us from the inside. Our “I,” growing enormously, makes us irritated and angry, condemn, look at other people as our debtors, insult and humiliate them. It pushes us to condemnation, puffs up our thoughts, fills us with thoughts about the greatness of our deeds, the height of our virtues.” (Elder Ephraim).
“As soon as I quarrel with someone, selfishness immediately rears its head in me, my thought tells me: “The other one is to blame: it was he who began to be angry with me, because it was he who said insulting words - he must reconcile. If, in the end, he had spoken to me differently, more softly, then I, of course, would have endured it and would not have responded to his insult. That means for sure: it’s not me who is to blame, but he.” So much for the passion of egoism!” (Elder Ephraim).
“You have to tell yourself this: “No, no, if I didn’t have selfishness, then I wouldn’t succumb to temptation. So it's my fault, not my brother's. If I had humility, then I would think that this man is the maker of crowns for me, that with this man, like a red-hot iron, Jesus burns out my passion so that I become healthy. This means that my brother is doing me a favor because he burns out passion in me. He is my benefactor! (Elder Ephraim).
There is probably no person on earth who does not know the meaning of the word “selfishness.” All of us at least once in our lives have encountered selfish people to the core!
It is even possible that similar accusations have been thrown at you at some point. Is it possible to change yourself? How to get rid of selfishness? This is exactly what we will talk about next.
What is egoism?
Egoism is an extreme form of individualism, which manifests itself in a selfish attitude towards other people. Egoists are interested only in their own “I” and try in every possible way to succeed at the expense of others, neglecting the interests of not only strangers, but also the closest family members.
Is selfishness good or bad?
It cannot be said that selfishness is completely evil. Do not forget that there is a reasonable egoism, reminiscent of a sense of self-preservation. It helps a person survive in difficult conditions and achieve success in life. But it should never overshadow such qualities as mercy, compassion, attention and respect for others.
If you love and value yourself, that’s good, but if you love and value ONLY yourself, that’s already a problem. Perhaps this quality does not bother you, you may not even notice it. But, believe me, life with egoists around you is not so easy. However, judge for yourself!
Portrait of a classic egoist
Egoists are easily recognized by the presence of the following qualities:
- These are narcissistic types who do not notice any shortcomings in themselves;
- Egoists seek their own benefit in everything; they do nothing for nothing;
- They deliberately neglect the needs and interests of those around them, no matter how important these very needs may be;
- Hand in hand with selfishness go such character traits as callousness, stinginess and the desire to manage;
- Such people are accustomed to only taking, without giving anything in return;
- Egoists tend to emphasize in every possible way the insignificance and inferiority of others;
- In their vocabulary there are no words such as shame, conscience, selflessness and care.
Did you like this portrait? I think no! This means that the time has come to figure out how to get rid of selfishness and engage in self-improvement.
The cure for selfishness
Let's start with the fact that a person must realize his problem and want to get rid of it. Otherwise, there is nothing to hope for a favorable outcome. Have you successfully completed the first step on the path to a better life? Then use our useful tips:
1. Try do one good and selfless deed every day– take an old lady across the road, give a free ride to a voter, help a neighbor carry bags to her apartment, replace an employee at work, babysit a nephew.
2. Master active listening techniques. It involves active participation in the conversation, therefore:
- Ask leading questions;
- Be interested in the narrator's feelings;
- Pay attention to body language;
- Express your assessment of what you heard.
3. Help people that surround you. For example, take part in a charity event - feed a local homeless person, throw a couple of rubles to a beggar, take old things and toys to an orphanage. Lots of options! As a last resort, go to the social service, they will find a worthy use for your energy.
4. Get a pet. Over time, he will become a real member of your family. In addition, animals are entirely dependent on people; they need to be fed, washed, walked, and taken to the veterinarian. In general, you definitely won’t be able to live only for yourself.
5. Get rid of selfishness and greed - start a family and have children! To build a good relationship you will have to take little and give a lot, and this is the best solution to the problem.
6. Become a member of the team. Join an amateur music troupe, go on a hike with your staff, become a member of the parent committee, take part in team competitions, try your hand at a joint project. The sense of community and common cause will force you to pacify your own “I”.
7. Talk less about yourself. When meeting with friends or relatives, do not rush to dump your sorrows and sorrows on them. First, ask how they are feeling and how things are going.
Selfishness has been developed over the years, so you should not hope for a quick “recovery.” Be patient and believe in yourself!
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit!
We call today's Sunday Forgiveness Sunday. On this day, after the evening service, a special rite of forgiveness is performed in churches, when clergy and parishioners mutually ask each other for forgiveness. On this day, it is customary to ask for forgiveness from your neighbors, friends and acquaintances, even enemies, in order to enter Lent with a pure soul, reconciled with each other.
We are moved to forgive each other by the words of today’s Gospel reading: “For if you forgive people their sins, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive people their sins, then your Father will not forgive you your sins” (Matthew 6:14–15). God is at the center of these words. If we do not forgive people for their sins, we risk hearing terrible words from God on That Day: “And I do not forgive you! Get away from Me into outer darkness, where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth...” (see: Matt. 13:50; 22:13).
The rite of forgiveness known to us today appeared in ancient Orthodox monasteries. In the life of the Venerable Mary of Egypt we see evidence of the Palestinian monastic tradition of the 5th–6th centuries. To strengthen the feat of prayer and prepare for the Easter holiday, on the last day before Lent, the monks went into the desert for a solitary life for 40 days. Some of them never returned: some died of old age, others could suffer misfortunes in the harsh deserted desert. Therefore, when they separated, the hermits, as before death, asked each other for forgiveness for all voluntary or involuntary offenses. And, of course, they forgave everyone from the bottom of their hearts. Everyone understood that their farewell to each other on the eve of Lent could be their last. This is why the existing rite of forgiveness appeared, in order to be reconciled with all people and, thanks to this, with God.
Why did the monks go into the desert to fast and pray? After all, you can fast and pray at home.
The answer to this question does not lie on the surface. Yes, restrictions on food and pleasures cultivate in a person the ability to live an abstinent life, but this does not yet make a person a true Christian. Fasting and prayer are also practiced in other religions, and there are also secular health practices for treating fasting. At the center of the hermit life of the hermits lay another and very important goal. This is an experienced experience of God's abandonment and an experienced following of the crucified Christ.
The most bitter cry of humanity is the words of Christ from the cross: “My God, My God! Why have you forsaken me? (Matt. 27:46). When a person has no relatives or loved ones, no friends or colleagues, he at least has hope in God. But when God leaves, a person comes into a state of complete inconsolable loneliness. The closeness of God, His love is felt by the pure heart of a person, but if there is sin in a person’s heart, it means there is no place for God there. A feeling of inner emptiness, depression, despondency is a sign that there is sin in the heart. And if sin fills the entire heart, ultimately there will be abandonment of God, emptiness and the cold of the abyss.
Knowing this, the ascetics of antiquity went into the desert in order to renounce the vanity of the world and meet face to face with themselves. Living in the world, a person is surrounded by vanity. He may not even feel the attack of sin; it seems to him that the people around him are to blame for all the problems. But when he finds himself in the desert, he has no one to blame. Alone with himself, the ascetic begins to see himself from the inside, as if he were revealing his sin to himself. Observing himself, the movement of flesh and thoughts, the ascetic gradually begins to notice his passions. Having experienced hunger and cold, he understands that if he does not get rid of passions and does not seek God, the evil desert will become his eternal settlement. A soul abandoned by God inherits hell upon death.
The ascetics of ancient times were profound theologians. For them, Lent was not only an exercise in fasting and prayer, but also in reflection on the works of God in human history, on the value of Christ's crucifixion and the glorious Resurrection.
When Adam sinned, he was expelled from Paradise. From a land flowing with milk and honey, he was sent into the desert with thorns and thistles, into that desert in which Adam had to feed with sorrow on the grass of the field, earning bread for himself by the sweat of his brow (see: Gen. 3:17– 19). However, this did not enlighten the children of Adam. And when God sent Christ to earth, people crucified Him. The sons of Adam crucified the One who could save them from the captivity of sin and death. They crucified the Source of light and eternal life. The man was left alone again. But there is a way to return to God - to follow Christ into the desert, so that, having rejected the works of Satan, take up the cross and crucify your flesh with Christ.
In order for “the body of sin to be abolished, so that we are no longer slaves to sin,” wrote the Apostle Paul, our flesh with passions and lusts, our old man must be crucified with Christ (see: Rom. 6: 5–7). Life in the desert, in cramped conditions and deprivations, is the practice of such a crucifixion of passions and lusts, when a person ceases to please his flesh and frees his mind to contemplate the things of the Divine.
If the feeling of loneliness, emptiness or despondency, in the family or in the monastery, are signs of abandonment by God, then “love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faith, meekness, self-control” (Gal. 5: 22-23) are signs of Communion with God, fruits of the Holy Spirit. The ascetics of antiquity strove for these gifts, and not for fasting and prayer as an end in themselves, when they joyfully said goodbye to each other on Forgiveness Sunday, in order to gather together with even greater joy before Easter.
What should we ask for forgiveness on Forgiveness Sunday if we are not going to go into the desert, like the monks of antiquity? If we don't feel like we've offended anyone in any way?
We need to ask people for forgiveness for not truly loving them. We are called to love every person, but instead we often communicate with other people only to the extent that the other person may be personally interesting or useful to us. We are only interested in our own person and those people who are currently listening to us or pleasing us. On Forgiveness Sunday it is useful to feel the extent of our own selfishness.
From a philosophical point of view, egoism is selfishness, a behavior that is entirely determined by the thought of one’s own “I”, one’s own benefit, benefit, and preference for one’s interests over the interests of other people. From a psychological point of view, egoism is a manifestation of a person’s interest in himself, focusing on his desires, drives, and his own world.
Often selfish people hide behind the commandment “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 19:19). But selfishness and self-love are not only not identical, but also directly opposite. Self-love is complacency, satisfaction with oneself, living to satisfy one’s desires. Self-love is respect for your integrity, the uniqueness of your personality, reconciliation with your shortcomings, knowledge of the peculiarities of the God-given character of your soul. Self-love is inseparable from respect, love and understanding of another person as an equally unique image of God.
The Apostle Paul reduces all the commandments to one: “love your neighbor as yourself,” but here he introduces a preamble: “serve one another through love” (Gal. 5: 13, 14). A person who serves another with love thereby demonstrates that he loves himself. He who loves his brother, whom he sees, is able to love God, whom he does not see (see: 1 John 4:20). On the contrary, an egoist, a selfish person does not love either God or his brother and does not even have peace with himself.
The selfish man who became a great faster and man of prayer did not gain anything for his soul. A proud faster is a vain simpleton who feeds his insatiable pride. On the contrary, an ascetic who crucified himself with Christ is meek as a lamb, ready to sacrifice himself for the sake of his neighbor and the hungry; he is ready to give half of his breakfast, lunch and dinner to the poor.
By asking forgiveness from other people this Sunday, let us, brothers and sisters, thereby declare war on our selfishness. Let us admit our shortcomings before other people, let us seek knowledge about God in the Holy Scriptures and liturgy, let us humble our flesh by fasting, and water our souls with tears of repentance, so that, having been cleansed in body and spirit, we may meet the Risen Christ.
We begin this path by forgiving those who have offended us, and asking forgiveness from those whom we have voluntarily or unwittingly offended. By asking for forgiveness, we must simplify and simplify our relationships with God and our neighbors. This is where the fight against selfishness begins, this is where our heart cleansing begins, this is where Lent begins.
May the Lord, through the prayers of everyone who shone through the feat of fasting, give us the strength to reconcile with everyone and through Great Lent in the world to go to the Bright Easter of Christ’s Resurrection.
Greetings to all, friends! Once again, listening to Vadim Zeland’s book “”, namely the chapter where he talks about destructive pendulums (Book 1 “Space of Options”), I came to the conclusion that pendulums cling a person to his weak points, and thereby provoke him to aggression . This may not be the standard way of looking at things, but in my opinion, a person has only one weak point - his ego.
That is, I’m now talking about the ego - as an accumulation in the personality, therefore, I propose to figure out not only how to defeat selfishness and overcome the ego, but also how to bring order to the dark corners of your soul. Let's start the discussion?
Ego and selfishness
Let's look at the definitions:
Ego (Latin ego - “I”) - according to psychoanalytic theory, that part of the human personality that is recognized as “I” and is in contact with the outside world through perception. The ego plans, evaluates, remembers, and otherwise responds to the influence of the physical and social environment.
Selfishness is behavior that is entirely determined by the thought of one’s own benefit, benefit, when an individual puts his own interests above the interests of others.
You see, although ego means “I” in Latin, it is only “a part of the human personality.” And this part carries out planning (how to manifest itself in society), assessment (assessing the situation, oneself and others), remembering (what a person saw, heard, personal experience). Further, based on the established attitudes, it reacts to the influence of the physical and social environment.
Is it bad? No, it’s not bad if a person doesn’t have: he doesn’t judge, doesn’t suffer from various complexes, doesn’t get offended, doesn’t impose his opinion on others; if a person does not have . After all, the presence of idealizations and negative programs make a person weak, preventing a person’s best self-expression.
Let's analyze "selfishness". Selfishness is behavior determined by the thought of one's own benefit. It turns out that the ego filters all its possibilities and, based on this, tries to break the situation in its favor, while often showing dissatisfaction and aggression. That is, by attack, a person protects his weaknesses. Tell me, is this strength? As the saying goes: “If you’re angry, you’re wrong.” In addition, by emitting negative energy, a person moves on and attracts even greater troubles into his life.
The true essence of man
But the human self carries within itself another part, pure and flawless - the True Self. And if the ego is a person’s weakness, then the True Self is his strength, his creative component and the path to genius. Besides everything, when a person reaches his true essence and follows the path of life’s destiny, external intention turns on, and then everything. As you can see, in this case there is no longer any need to defend yourself and bend the whole world under you. I hope the arguments are compelling, shall we continue?
How to overcome ego
There is no point in fighting selfishness, as you will waste your strength in vain. Here you need to act differently, namely: monitor your negative thoughts and emotions (egoreactions - a negative reaction to something), replace them with positive ones both in relation to other people and in relation to yourself. This is not a struggle, this is strengthening the position of your True Self.
For example, my story: It happened to me a little over two years ago, I had just completed Christy Marie Sheldon’s “Love and Beyond” program and figured out how. And so, I went out to the store to buy bread, stopped to cross the road, and a car stopped next to me, so much so that rubble flew. Well, of course, I didn’t rush at the driver with my fists, but I thought very unpleasant things about him, and then I realized: “Oh, what is it me?” I immediately corrected myself and mentally said after the leaving car: “I bless you with a clean with love and light, I bless you with a pure source of energy.”
It’s good that I remembered, but it would have been better to immediately send love and blessings instead of negative thoughts. I decided that next time I would do just that. The next time, a car almost ran into me at a pedestrian crossing, but I immediately sent my blessing to the driver. I crossed the road and cried both from fear and from the fact that I had overcome myself and my negative reaction.
And also, they add strength to a person and harmonize his condition, also tested on myself.
That's all for now. I wish everyone success on this path. If you have any questions, I will be happy to answer.
With love and respect, Elena Azhevskaya.