Who resorts to insults? School

If you learn how to deal with bullying and insults, you will find it easier to handle such unpleasant social situations. To protect yourself from bullying and insults, assess the situation, respond appropriately, and seek help if necessary.

Steps

Assess the situation

Realize that it's not about you. People who tease and insult others are insecure themselves. Their bullying is often driven by fear, narcissism and a desire to control the situation. By bullying others, they feel stronger. Realizing that the reason lies with the offender, and not with you, will help you become more confident in the current situation.

Understand what motivates your abuser. If you make the effort to understand why a particular person insults or teases you, you will have the key to solving the problem. Sometimes people bully others to assert themselves, and sometimes they do it because they don't understand you or the situation as well as they could. Or they are simply jealous of what you have done or achieved.

Make a plan to avoid the person or situation if possible. Avoiding your bully can minimize the amount of abuse or bullying you experience. While this may not always be possible, come up with ways to reduce the amount of time you have to spend with the bully, or avoid contact with him altogether.

If you are harassed on your way home from school, work with your parents to develop a safe route to avoid bullying or insults.
If you're being teased or abused online, consider removing the bully from your social media or reducing the amount of time you spend on certain apps.

Determine whether bullying is against the law. Sometimes bullying or insults are a direct violation of one of the codes or the Constitution of the Russian Federation. For example, if at work you experience sexual harassment from a colleague (not necessarily physical, but also verbal), this is already a violation of Article 133 of the Criminal Code, and you must report it immediately.
- If you are in school, you have the right to learn in a safe, distraction-free environment. If someone is bullying you to the point that you feel unsafe, or it is interfering with your learning (for example, by discouraging you from coming to school), you should discuss this with your parents or teacher.
Respond to bullying and insults
1. Prepare for the situation. If you are forced to spend time with someone who constantly insults or teases you, develop a plan to take control of the situation. For example, it can be helpful to role-play and think through possible responses.
  - Practice role-playing with a friend or family member. Let a friend (or girlfriend) tell you: “Alina, your hair is terrible.” And you can answer like this: “Thank you for your opinion, but I like her, and that’s the most important thing.”
  - If your boss insults you by belittling your accomplishments, come up with a plan. Try saying: “Anton Petrovich, your comments are unprofessional, offensive and affect the productivity of my work. If this does not stop, I will be forced to inform my superiors.”
2. Keep calm. When you are teased or insulted, it is important to remain calm, even if you feel like getting angry or crying. People who bully and humiliate others often expect a response. Stay calm and don't lose your head.
  - If someone insults you, try taking a few deep breaths before responding.
3. Be determined. Confidently and clearly let the bully know how his insults affect you. In a firm, but at the same time calm tone, explain why you do not like this bullying.
  - Try telling a classmate who teases you about your shoes, “I'm angry that you make fun of me in front of the whole class. Stop doing this.”
  - If co-workers bombard you with sexist remarks, try saying, “Your bullying and insults border on sexual harassment. If this happens again, I will report it to our manager immediately.”
4. Ignore the insults. Sometimes the best response to an insult is to ignore it. You can pretend that you didn't hear anything, or change the topic of conversation to the exact opposite. If, instead of reacting to the abuser's insults and bullying, you ignore them, you will avoid adding fuel to the fire.
  - If you are insulted or teased online, do not respond.
  - If you are being insulted by a family member, try to ignore them and leave the room.
5. React with humor. Using humor as a response to insults or bullying is very effective. Humor can relieve tension, disarm the offender and even turn his words into dust. Try laughing it off when someone insults or teases you.
  - If a colleague speaks rudely about a poster you brought to a conference, try saying, “You're right. This is a terrible poster. I shouldn’t have let my five-year-old son do it for me.”
  - Another option could be feigned surprise or an ironic remark. For example, you could say: “Oh my God! You are right! Thank you for helping me see the light!”
6. Report abuse and bullying based on your gender, race, national origin, religion or disability. It is important to report these types of aggression immediately, as they are often against the law. If you are insulted or bullied in this way, go straight to your boss.
  
  Talk to your abuser. For example, if you are constantly being abused by a parent or family member, it may be time to sit down and talk about the abuse. Explain directly how bullying makes you feel and how bullying affects your life.
  - If your mom constantly criticizes your appearance, try saying, “Mom, it hurts me when you comment on my clothes, hair, or makeup. It hurts my feelings. From now on, please stop making such comments.”
  - Even if the banter isn't malicious, you can still tell the person that you don't like it. For example: “I enjoy spending time with you, and we can have fun teasing each other. But we won’t discuss some topics (clothes, husband, children, etc.) anymore - it hurts my feelings.”
Learn to value yourself
1. Work on your self-esteem. Low self-esteem may make it more difficult for you to deal with teasing, whether malicious or not. Building self-esteem takes time, but you can do it with simple steps such as:
  - Give yourself compliments. Try looking in the mirror every morning and saying one nice thing about your appearance, for example: “My eyes look especially bright and beautiful today.”
  - Make a list of your strengths, accomplishments, and things you admire about yourself. Try to list at least five things in each column. Keep the list and re-read it daily.
2. Take care of yourself. Self-care is an important and good strategy for coping with insults or humiliation. Try taking long baths, taking relaxing walks, or doing something nice for yourself, like a pedicure. These self-care practices will help build self-esteem and improve the way you feel about yourself.
  
  Develop resilience. If you are a resilient person, it will be easier for you to recover from insults, humiliation and other difficulties in life. Try to work on this quality to increase your ability to bounce back from bullying and attacks. Here are some things you can do to develop resilience:

“Insult (invective language) is a deliberate or careless humiliation of the honor and dignity of another person, expressed in an indecent form, that is, a form that contrasts with the norms accepted in the society in which the act is committed. Insult can be inflicted verbally, in writing, by action, in public, both in the presence and absence of the victim. When insulting, information disgracing the victim is not communicated, but a negative assessment of his personality is given in a rude manner.”

Knowing the enemy by sight makes it easier to fight. Is it necessary? I have long developed a certain tactic for responding (or rather, NOT responding) to insults. When a person deliberately wants to insult you, ask yourself the question: WHY? Why is he doing this? Does he want to humiliate you in order to elevate himself? Then his action evokes compassion. This is the only way a person can assert himself. Or he wants to touch your nerves in order to piss you off. For what? He is looking for a lightning rod in you, wants to drain his irritation somewhere.

Always think - why? And after you understand the root cause, you choose yours. After all, we cannot be offended, we can only be offended. Sami.

I have already written about how I reacted to a tyrant boss who made communication with the team a daily practice in relation to employees. At first I reacted very violently, because... I had never encountered anything like this in my life and was categorically against such communication. The corporation had a full-time psychologist. It was she who advised me to imagine him every time as a small capricious child who constantly cries and fights. You need to calm him down and pat him on the head. Place on a potty and feed with porridge. That's what I started doing. The effect is amazing! As soon as I saw his jeep on the horizon, I began to imagine this whole picture. The smile never left his lips. So many appeared. But the most interesting thing is that our boss began to be afraid of me. He saw my psychological advantage and did not know how to behave with me.

Photo: Debu55y/Shutterstock.com

Much later, I “worked” on him such a technique from . It's called "Aquarium". When our boss gathered everyone for a meeting and half a turn began to shout and insult, I immediately imagined him in an aquarium, like a fish that opens its mouth, but no words can be heard. She put such a protective shell on herself. And his words, like balls, bounced off me without reaching their target. Perhaps I was the only one in the entire department who could maintain a sober mind after such unfortunate meetings. Everyone else was knocked out for the rest of the day.

“A gentle answer removes malice; hurtful words arouse anger.” John Ruskin.

Also a good welcome. Only it requires a certain hardening and endurance. Respond politely to malicious insults. Or, as a last resort, say calmly: “ How ill-mannered and rude you are" Sometimes this acts like a tub of cold water on the offender. In any case, you get a pause and can retreat from the battlefield with your head held high.

The worst way to react, in my opinion, is to shout back at something stupid. Of course, in this way you become a twin brother and slide down to the level of this ill-mannered type. But sometimes it helps relieve tension. Especially if you took it two octaves higher.

The method of throwing negative emotions into the water helps much better. Open the tap and simply scream everything that has boiled into the stream of water. How well it helps. Wash your face with cool water and go get positive emotions. The conflict is over. You turned out to be smarter! Give yourself a high five and try to draw sound conclusions from this situation.

The man showed his true colors. Can you remake it? Thankless work. Either you accept him for who he is, or end your relationship there. The choice is always yours! The main thing is not to fall into the role of a victim. Have a nice day and conflict-free contacts!

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Everyone had to deal with rudeness, degrading “outbursts”, and boorish remarks made towards oneself. And the question of how to respond to aggression and insults is a painful topic, discussed more than once, but has not lost its relevance.

While our society is not ripe for those deprived of emotional negativity, among its members.

Insulting attacks: the essence and causes of the phenomenon

Individuals who regularly practice humiliation techniques for others are rarely capable of reasoned, fact-based statements. Without understanding this, we get offended and respond to the inappropriate outbursts of rude people in a way that we should not. Although a set of recommendations on how to properly respond to insults and respond to the offender was developed a long time ago - and it is effective.

Those who like to insult others – who are they?

1. Weak, unhappy people who pour out excess anger and self-doubt on those around them.
2. Energy vampires who seek to evoke a response emotion - for the sake of feeding someone else's energy.
3. Boors and insolent people, poorly educated and not concerned with the goal of filling this gap.
4. Aggressors and innate bullies, for whom life without showdowns and demonstrations of “bad power” is boring.
5. Individuals filled with empty vanity, satisfying their “ego” by humiliating those who come into view.
6. Unrestrained individuals prone to emotional outbursts who cannot curb their nature.
7. Drunkards, drug addicts and idiots who have lost the ability to think.

React or remain silent - which is better?

Learning to skillfully respond to rudeness is useful - no matter what the genetics and motivation of this kind of manifestation are, in what social environment and under what circumstances you encountered such a nuisance. Since official methods of dealing with troublemaker-provocateurs in our conditions are not enough (although the law provides for punishment for violations of this kind), it remains to master the “fighter’s course” yourself.

But before you decide on a strategic line, think about whether it’s even worth traumatizing your psyche over some nonsense. Agree, for every reason, spending your nerves and racking your brains over how to “settle” the situation wisely is not always a justified activity. Often, ignoring the tirade of a lone jester, who is unlikely to be ready to appreciate your wit and skill as a polemicist, is the most rational choice.

Nature of humiliation - type of criticism - worthy response

It is not for nothing that we have combined interrelated concepts into a chain - the success of repelling an attack, which can look and be interpreted differently, depends on their analysis and competent application. Having time to figure out whether there are justified claims hidden under sharply unpleasant phrases, and parrying the blow in a timely manner is the fundamental rule of the target of the attack. If you are not sure of the real basis for attacks, ask the question: “Do you have a specific proposal?”

Among the tips on how to respond to insults at work, this move is the most advantageous method of figuring out what the crude form of the provocative phrase is connected with. An adequate author of an offensive verbal string will be forced to justify the harshness of his opinion or change the tone of the conversation. In a situation where the accusation was made publicly, but only some part of it is true, it would be better to say “Yes, today I was slow/late/made a mistake, but it wasn’t always like this.”

If the reproach phrase is absolutely unfair and sounds downright rude, it makes sense to use the tactics of counter-questions. There are several types of them.

— Clarifying. “What are we talking about?”, “What exactly interests you?”, “What exactly did you want to say?” An attempt to clarify the idea drives the initiator into a dead end. But the response: “Don’t you guess?” or another attack-accusation will alienate colleagues, which will not please the rude person.
- Factual. This is a requirement to present facts-examples-evidence. It is formulated something like this: “Please confirm,” “I would like to hear examples.” Since we are not destined to wait for examples, all that remains is to summarize: “You have nothing to say on the matter.”
- Alternative. Their function is to push the interlocutor to formulate counterclaims or, conversely, to admit that you have nothing to present. An alternative question sounds like this: “Maybe you don’t like the way I dress or the way I communicate with clients?” This is a direct hit on target.
- Devastating. A typical sample: “You are not satisfied with the way I make plans, my appearance, my manner of speaking. What else don’t you like?” Such a conclusion question is also suitable for recommendations on how to respond to an insult from your boss - if your tyrant boss deserves it.

Of course, you need to be careful with leaders. The optimal method of dealing with a rude boss is to leave, making it clear that you will not support a conversation in such a spirit. Or pretend that they didn’t hear the humiliating words, asking again: “How, how? Repeat - I got distracted and didn’t get the point.” The repetition will probably sound softer. In any case, you cannot allow an arrogant boss to wipe his feet on himself.

If a person dear to you does not consider it necessary to restrain himself, talk to him frankly. Not in a moment of conflict, but in a calm, conducive environment for exchange. The ability to dot the “i”s is extremely necessary for those who value relationships and intend to continue them. A guy should approach the question of how to react to insults from a woman with understanding: he is biologically susceptible to mood changes.

Most men cope with this problem quite well and do not need education. The number of wives over whom was and remains critical. Helping the female audience cope with such a misfortune, let us remind you: you need to start a conversation about how to respond to your husband’s insults by analyzing the relationship between father-in-law and mother-in-law. Lack of respect for the woman-mother in the family of parents leads to violence against the future spouse.

If you have enough gentleness, tact, and patience to “restructure” the views of your “strong half” on marriage and the true role of the head of the family in it, praise and honor to your efforts. This happens quite often. Otherwise, a normal atmosphere in the family will not be achieved - not only for you, but also for your descendants. Think about it, evaluate your strengths - and make a decision.

This is one of the first desires that arises after an insult. But a retaliatory attack is appropriate only if it:

witty;
happens among family or friends;
defuses the situation rather than aggravates the conflict.

In all other cases, even if you consider yourself a wit worse than Oscar Wilde, responding to insult with insult is not the best way. This way you stoop to the level of your boorish opponent and make it clear that his words hurt you, that is, there may be some truth in them.

2. Make a joke

The difference between a witty insult and a humorous response is that in the latter case, you are making fun of the situation itself. The advantages of this strategy are obvious: the insult loses its toxicity, tension, and the audience (if there is one) takes your side.

In this case, you can also take a pseudo-self-deprecating position. This will confuse your opponent and disguise the sarcasm.

Example 1: A colleague says you prepared an ugly presentation.

Answer: “Perhaps you are right. Next time I won’t ask my five-year-old son for help.”

Example 2: A stranger calls you names.

Answer: “Thank you, this is very valuable information. You opened my eyes to my shortcomings. There will be something to think about over lunch.”

3. Accept

In some cases, it is actually worth analyzing words that seem offensive to you. Especially if they come from people close and respected by you. In this case, take their remarks not as an insult, but as criticism that can make you better.

It would be a good idea to think about people's motives and find out what exactly made them use harsh language. Perhaps this is a violent reaction to your less than angelic behavior.

4. Respond to intent, not words.

Any insult always has a hidden purpose. Make the secret obvious: designate it.

For example, in response to rude words, say, “Wow! Something really serious happened between us, since you decided to hurt me.”

So, on the one hand, you can unsettle your opponent, and on the other, find out the reason for his negative attitude.

5. Stay calm

If the insult comes not from a loved one, but from a colleague, acquaintance, or even a stranger, never show that the words hurt you. Most likely, behind them lies uncertainty, dissatisfaction with one’s own life and a desire to simply take it out on you. Don't let the trick work, react calmly and with a smile.

If necessary, continue to pursue your line: ask what exactly caused such a reaction in the person, without paying attention to his words.

6. Ignore

Often the best answer is no answer. If we are talking about Internet trolls, you can simply not respond to their comments or send boors to. Well, “offline” you can always ignore the insult or leave. You have every right to do this.

An example from ancient Roman history... One day, in a public bath, someone hit the politician Cato. When the offender came to apologize, Cato replied: “I don’t remember the blow.”

This phrase can be interpreted as follows: “You are so insignificant that I not only do not care about your apology, but I did not even notice the insult itself.”

7. Use the law

You can hold the offender accountable, or at least threaten him with it. Punishment for insult is prescribed in the Code of Administrative Offences, but libel is already within the scope of criminal law. In case of insults from your boss, you can contact the HR department.

The main thing is to remember: no one has the right to infringe on your honor, dignity and reputation. But you must answer people in the same way. Otherwise, any recommendations are meaningless.

There is probably not a single person who has not at least once heard an insult addressed to him.

In addition, open spaces are now widely used.

There it is also possible to stumble upon a boorish attitude and targeted humiliation of an individual.

Therefore, very often people are interested in what to do if you are insulted.

There is a law that provides for liability for such acts. But the presence of insult will have to be proven.

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General concept

In the modern world, communication with the presence of insults is very common. And this applies not only to personal communication, but also on social networks or via .

Nowadays you can often see that people's personality is deteriorating.

Insults are thrown unnoticed and become a normal way of speaking.

Young people who hide behind other people's photos on social networks mistakenly think that their actions will have consequences.

This happens because not everyone knows that the legislation provides for a corresponding article for such acts.

For example, for insults posted on the Internet, a person can be held accountable on the basis of Art. 5. 61 Code of Administrative Offences. You just have to prove what kind of person and how exactly he showed the belittlement of the individual. Actions amounting to insult:

obscene text
offensive photo or video
humiliation in the comments
belittling dignity in an individual conversation or in society

At the same time, it is necessary to clearly understand that the statements refer to an insult. That is, there must be a strong evidence base for his presence.

If the insult came via the Internet

What to do if you are insulted on the Internet is often of interest to users of various networks. After identifying offensive moments on social networks, you need to highlight an important piece of text and take a screenshot. It should make it clear who the appeal concerns.

To confirm the fact that it was this person who posted the text, you will need to seek the help of the person who observed this procedure. In addition, he must confirm this in court.

It is recommended to contact the site provider and explain the situation to them. It should help identify the offender, and also remove unpleasant language from the site. When unpleasant information has been deleted, but the desire to punish the offender remains, you should adhere to a certain scheme:

A claim is written on a piece of paper.
Contacting RosNIIROS and WhoIs services will help you find out the address of the person who is the owner of the site. If attempts remain in vain, then this can be done through law enforcement agencies.
The letter of claim is sent by registered mail to the address of the provider. The receipt will be needed in court. Therefore, it is recommended to save it.
Next you need to file a police report. Quite often, employees of this organization do not want to get involved in such matters. If this happens, you can appeal their refusal to the prosecutor's office. You just have to take it in writing from the department first. Employees of the authorized body must find out the identity of the offender. When data on it is already available, they must be indicated in the application. In this case, there is a greater likelihood of punishing the offender.
After this, you need to go to court and write a statement of prosecution. You just need to prepare the evidence base in advance in the form of screenshots and photographs of the screen where the text of the insults is visible. In order for them to be accepted by the court, it is necessary to study the page together and draw up an appropriate protocol. He will also have to put his visa in it.

Insulted at the place of work

Quite often, in the production process, people allow themselves to humiliate and insult their colleagues.

Then the question creeps in among the victims, what to do if you were insulted at work.

Such actions have a strong bearing on dignity, as these actions are seen by others.

If a person is insulted at the place of work, there is no need to remain silent.

After all, this could happen again if left unpunished. Therefore, it is better to immediately protect your interests. People are not always ready to go to the police and start a lawsuit.

Therefore, for the first time, a memo addressed to the head of the company may be sufficient. He has the right to impose disciplinary sanctions on the violator.

Well, if you still decide to punish the offender to the fullest extent, then you can use two authorities: the police court.

It is better to write two applications to both organizations at once. The police will investigate and issue an order, and through the court you can recover moral damages.

Insulted on the street

It is much more difficult to answer the question, what to do if you are insulted on the street?

Of course, there is a way to bring the offender to justice.

But you will have to prove the presence of insults.

However, if you manage to attract witnesses and record a video that contains significant facts, you can safely file a complaint with the police.

After identifying the offender, you can file a lawsuit for compensation for moral damages. The claim requires the basis to indicate the following articles: 1099, 1101, 150, 152 of the Civil Code.

The main thing in this procedure is to correctly state all the circumstances of the case and attach compelling evidence and arguments.

They can be:

sms messages
audio and video materials

To draw up a legally correct application, it is recommended to contact specialists. They will help you understand the situation and determine whether the statement constitutes an insult. You can also contact the prosecutor’s office with a similar question.

Important! Bringing the guilty person to administrative liability does not prohibit the additional application of civil law.

Under what conditions can one be held accountable?

A person may be held liable:

over sixteen years of age
with full proof of guilt
in the presence of a preliminary pre-trial settlement of the issue

However, in practice, such calls are quite rare, as they have many conventions. Even less often does the court make a positive decision. This is due to the fact that a person does not know his rights, or knows, but cannot do the right thing.

It is worth understanding that a police statement will help find the owner of obscene expressions on the Internet. Therefore, those who like to “get smart” about someone else’s photo should think about whether it’s worth doing. After all, it is unknown how this may end.

Penalties

When the insult is proven, it is quite possible to recover moral damages from the offender. The injured person has the right to determine its amount independently. In addition, he may request a refutation of what is posted on the Internet.

Also, compensation for damage can be obtained not only from the offender, but also from the media. But, it should be understood that not all resources belong to them. Therefore, to begin with, it will be useful to understand the structure of the site on which the insult was posted.

The administrative punishment that the violator will receive will be equal to:

forty thousand fine for insulting in a private conversation
eighty thousand sanction for publication in the media

In addition, the law provides for the possibility of receiving correctional labor for such acts. They are equal:

six months for the first violation
year for the second offense

The violator will pay fines to the state treasury. But the injured person will receive moral damage in monetary terms. You just need to understand that the police can issue a fine, but compensation is awarded by the court.

About responsibility for insults - presented in the video:

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