Gestures can tell a lot about a person. By noticing them, you get to know those around you better, and at the same time you can see yourself through their eyes.
Character can be judged by eye color or favorite sleeping position. Facial expressions and gestures also contribute to the overall picture: we “read” each of our interlocutors, albeit unconsciously. By doing this thoughtfully and a little more carefully, you will comprehend body language, and it will tell you something that even the person himself may not know about himself.
Gestures of psychological defense indicate that for some reason a person wants to close himself off from you. It is possible to end the conversation or turn away from an uncomfortable topic, and the problem may not be about you - for example, the subject of the conversation is unpleasant or you need to leave, but for some reason it is inconvenient to say goodbye.
Typical gestures indicating closedness:
- arms crossed on the chest;
- hands clenched into fists;
- a palm covering the mouth during a conversation;
- gaze directed “to the side.”
The first pose speaks for itself: arms crossed over chest, a person erects a barrier between himself and others. Often this gesture can be seen from a newcomer in a company where he is not too comfortable, but needs to keep his face. If you know each other well, the interlocutor will probably not mind changing the topic of conversation.
Hands clenched into fists They can also just talk about anger. But if there is no reason for this, and the person opposite you for some reason holds his palm clenched, he does not really trust you.
Covering your mouth with your hand, the person seems to be trying to control what he says. He chooses what to say carefully; there is a possibility that he is telling a lie or leaving out an important part of some information. This gesture can be transformed - for example, to touch the tip of the nose. But the unconscious desire to cover my lips with my palm remains.
There are other gestures that indicate that the interlocutor It's not very comfortable to talk.
- feet directed towards the exit;
- hands tightly gripping the armrests or some random object (a salt shaker at the table);
- fingers tightly intertwined.
Feet directed towards the front door indicate that the interlocutor is waiting for the opportunity to end the conversation and leave (however, this could be a simple coincidence; do not rush to conclusions and take a closer look at other gestures).
Hands that are squeezing something- a gesture of expectation, internal tension. Perhaps they want to tell you some news that you don’t like, or they are thinking about a thought, not daring to voice it for the same reason. Or they simply don’t feel comfortable.
Fingers tightly intertwined- a gesture of restraint. It causes a feeling of insincerity, tension or nervousness, especially if the hands are also squeezing each other. Another version of this gesture is Elbows on the table, palms clasped together and supporting the chin. They may not be completely honest with you and are preparing to reveal cards that will turn out to be an unpleasant surprise for you. Hands tucked into a pocket or behind the back- also a sign of secrecy.
Gestures that indicate a positive attitude:
- unbuttoning a jacket or top button of a shirt;
- a pose “facing” towards you;
- open palms.
Unbuttoned button Of course, it is important not to confuse it with flirting, otherwise you may end up in an awkward situation. But in general, in a more or less formal setting, the person you are talking to can unbutton his jacket or take it off. The same thing - the top button of a shirt is unbuttoned, in the case of a woman - removed outer shawl or stole. If at the same time the lady straightens curls, She may be flirting or flirting with you. In men this is expressed in the desire straighten your tie, cufflinks or smooth your hair. The desire to wrap yourself up, on the contrary, speaks of a “cold snap” in communication.
Pose facing you, sitting closer to the edge of the chair- also evidence of interest in the conversation. Well, if at the same time you see the person’s hands, especially the palms, the conversation is pleasant and comfortable for the other party. Exuberant gesticulation with open palms- a sign of a sincerely disposed person to communicate. They signal the same thing palms lying freely on hips, armrests or tabletops.
Talks about thinking rubbing the bridge of the nose or eyes. If the interlocutor rests his chin on his hand, he may also be making some kind of internal decision (although if this gesture is accompanied by absent-minded attention and a bored expression on his face, the conversation has clearly gone somewhere wrong).
An important indicator of communication can be handshake. Usually, a strong handshake is used to identify a person who is confident or who really wants to be perceived that way. A limp handshake, on the other hand, is considered a sign of compliance or weak will. But it is equally important to pay attention to how the person’s palm lies. If he extends his hand with an open palm, this is a gesture of affection towards you. And if he strives for his hand to lie on top of yours during a handshake, this means that the person opposite is striving to take a position of superiority. This is also evidenced by the desire to be taller than you - to sit on a higher chair. climb the escalator step, position yourself in a similar manner on the spectator stand or in the audience, “hang” during a conversation.
Knowing everything about gestures, you can use them yourself to win over the right people, create the image you need, or avoid other people’s manipulations. We wish you good luck, and don't forget to press the buttons and
(based on materials from the book by Alan Pease, translated by N. E. Kotlyar)
Introduction
Almost all of us have studied foreign languages. However, there is another international language, publicly accessible and understandable, about which until recently little was known - this is the language of gestures, facial expressions and human body movements.
Psychologists have found that in the process of communication between people, from 60 to 80% of the message is conveyed through non-verbal means of expression, and only 20-40% of the information is transmitted through verbal means.
The peculiarity of body language is that its manifestation is determined by the impulses of our subconscious, and the absence of the ability to fake these impulses allows us to trust this language more than the usual, verbal method of communication. Body language can be faked, but for a very short time, since soon the body will involuntarily transmit signals that contradict its conscious actions. I would like to note that it is difficult to fake and imitate body language over a long period of time, but it is useful to learn to use positive, open gestures to successfully communicate with other people, and to get rid of gestures that carry a negative, negative connotation.
Unfortunately, within the framework of this particular message, we will not be able to consider all gestures and give them an appropriate explanation. We will only pay attention to those gestures and body movements that are often found in everyday life and that may become useful when discussing contracts or talking with other people.
Set of gestures
Just as in agriculture, where it is impossible to single out a single influencing factor, so in the study of body language it is impossible to single out one gesture and consider it in isolation from other gestures and circumstances. For example, scratching the back of your head can mean a thousand things - dandruff, sweating, insecurity, forgetfulness, telling a lie. Depending on other gestures accompanying this scratching, one can draw conclusions and interpret correctly. In a language, to understand the true meaning of a word, you need to construct a sentence. It’s the same with body movements - you need to see the whole set of gestures in order to understand their true meaning.
For example, a critical evaluative attitude: propping up the cheek with the index finger while the other finger covers the mouth and the thumb rests under the chin. The next confirmation of a critical attitude is the legs tightly crossed, the position of the second hand across the body, as if protecting it, and the head and chin tilted.
If a person, after you ask his attitude to what was said, begins to assure of his complete agreement, this means that he is lying, or that his verbal communication with you is incongruent with his gestures. What do you say, for example, about a politician who stands on a podium with his arms clasped across his chest (a defensive posture), his chin down (a critical or hostile posture), and tells the audience how receptive and friendly he is to the ideas of young people?
The context in which a gesture is made is no less important than the totality of gestures. If a person sits at a bus stop in winter with his legs crossed, his arms crossed tightly on his chest and his head bowed, then most likely this means that he is cold. However, if a person in exactly the same position is sitting at the negotiating table, then his gestures should most definitely be interpreted as having a negative or defensive attitude towards the current situation.
Factors influencing the interpretation of gestures
If a person has a weak handshake, this often indicates a weakness of his character. However, if a person has arthritis, then a weak handshake protects his hand from pain. Also, people in professions that require sensitive fingers - artists, surgeons, musicians - try to avoid shaking hands, and if forced, use a gentle handshake. Sometimes people who wear uncomfortable or tight clothing are constrained in their movements, which affects the expressiveness of their body language. These are rare cases, but should be taken into account.
How to Tell a Lie Without Revealing Yourself
The problem with lying is that our subconscious mind works automatically and independently of us, so our body language gives us away. When we tell a lie, even with a conscious attempt to suppress all bodily movements, the body produces many microsignals. This can be either curvature of the facial muscles, dilation or contraction of the pupils, perspiration on the forehead, blush on the cheeks, rapid blinking and much more, which signals deception.
In order not to give yourself away when telling a lie, you need to make sure that there is no view of your posture. When the interlocutor has the opportunity to see you completely, if the room has good lighting, do not try to tell a lie. On the contrary, sitting at a table when the body is partially hidden, or talking on the phone, it is much easier to hide a lie.
Zones and territories
Territory refers to the space that a person considers to be his own, as if this space is an extension of his physical body. Like animals, a person has his own territory, an air envelope surrounding his body, and its size depends on the density of the population of people in the place where this person lives.
Zonal spaces
The spatial territory is conventionally divided into 4 distinct zones.
Intimate zone - 15-46 centimeters. This is the main area, and it is guarded by humans especially jealously. Only those persons with whom you are in close emotional contact are allowed to enter this zone. In this zone there is also a subzone with a radius of 15 centimeters, which can only be penetrated through physical contact.
Personal zone is from 46 cm to 1.2 m. This is the distance that usually separates us when we are at parties, official receptions, evenings, and friendly meetings.
Social zone from 1.2 to 3.6 meters. We keep this distance from strangers, for example, a visitor or a worker doing repairs in the house. From people we don't know very well.
Public area (more than 3.6 meters). When we speak to a large group of people, it is most convenient to stand at this distance from the audience.
Practical use of zonal space
Usually the intimate area is violated for two reasons. If the “violator” is our loved one, or if the “violator” shows hostile feelings. A person is quite tolerant of the intrusion of a stranger into personal or social areas, while an intrusion into an intimate area causes a “state of alert.” At the same time, the heart begins to beat faster, adrenaline is released into the blood, and it rushes to the brain and muscles. This means that if you touch the arm or hug someone you just met in a friendly manner, it may cause them to react negatively, even if they continue to smile at you. Therefore, if you want people to feel comfortable in your company, keep your distance. So, for example, if you get a job, then at first it will seem to you that your colleagues are treating you coolly, although in fact they are keeping you at a social distance. However, after some time, when your colleagues get to know you better, you will be allowed to move within your personal zone. An exception to the rules requiring strict adherence to the distance zone are cases when a person’s spatial zone is determined by his social status. For example, a company manager and his subordinate can be fishing partners, and while fishing, they cross each other’s personal and intimate zones. At work, the manager will keep his subordinate at a distance from the social zone, observing the unwritten rules of social stratification.
Palm Power
From time immemorial, an open palm has been associated with sincerity, honesty, devotion and trust. Oaths are taken with the palm over the heart, and the oath is taken by raising an open palm.
The best way to find out whether a person is frank and honest with you at the moment is to observe the position of his palms. For example, when people are completely honest with you, they hold out one or both palms to you. During a frank conversation, the palms are fully or partially open. Like other body language gestures, this is a completely unconscious gesture; it tells you that the other person is telling the truth at the moment. If a person is trying to hide something, then during explanations he will hide his hands in his pockets or keep them crossed. This begs the question - if you keep your palms open, you can lie and no one will notice. The answer is other gestures that become visible to an observant person. An interesting observation has been made that most people cannot tell a lie if their palms are open. With open palms, you can make other people lie less.
There are three basic command palm gestures: palm up position, palm down position, and pointing finger position. Consider an example where you ask to move a box to another corner of the room. We will use the same words, tone of voice, and facial expressions.
The position of the open palm up is a trusting, non-threatening gesture, reminiscent of the gesture of someone asking on the street. With this gesture, the person does not feel any pressure, and under conditions of subordination, he will perceive this as a request on your part.
When your palm is down, there is an immediate air of authority in your gesture. This may create a feeling of hostility in the person you are addressing. If this gesture is addressed to your colleague, then he may not comply with this request, as if he did it with his palm raised up.
By clenching your palm into a fist with your index finger extended, you are forcing the person into submission. If you have a habit of pointing, try replacing this gesture with a palm up or down position and you will find that you will have greater success in communicating with others.
Handshakes
Researchers claim that handshakes are a relic of the primitive communal era - open palms showed their weaponlessness. Much has changed since then, and now a handshake is carried out at the moment of greeting or farewell. We will look at different types of handshakes.
Type of handshake
Characteristic
Dominant handshake
An aggressive type of handshake, because it gives a person little chance of establishing a relationship of equal partnership. This look is typical of aggressive, domineering men who always initiate a handshake and use a hand gesture with the palm facing down to force the person to obey.
A way to handle a dominant handshake, “disarming.”
When you take your hand to shake hands, step your left foot forward.
Step your right foot forward and stand to the left in front of that person, moving into their personal area.
Place your left foot behind your right and shake your partner's hand.
This will allow you to align your hand position and rotate the person's hand into a compliant handshake. This will allow you to become the master of the situation.
Another way to handle a dominant handshake is to grab the person's hand from above by the wrist and then shake it. However, this handshake should be used with certain precautions.
Encircling handshake (glove)
Typically used by politicians. This handshake emphasizes that the person is honest and can be trusted. However, such a handshake when meeting can have exactly the opposite effect. After such a handshake, the interlocutor may treat you with distrust and caution. This handshake can only be applied to good friends.
Impartial, unemotional handshakes
Characterizes the spinelessness of a person. This handshake should be avoided because it is associated with touching something limp and lifeless.
Shaking an unbent, straight hand
Characterizes an aggressive person. The main purpose of such a handshake is to maintain distance and prevent the person from entering your intimate area. It often occurs in people who grew up in rural areas, where they have a wider intimate area. Villagers will lean forward or even balance on one leg.
Squeezing fingertips
Characterizes self-doubt. As in the previous case, the purpose of this handshake is to keep your partner's hand at a comfortable distance.
A handshake in which the initiator extends his hand towards himself
Characterizes either self-doubt, when a person feels normal only within his own personal zone, or an attitude towards a nation, which is characterized by a narrower intimate zone.
A handshake using both hands.
Characterizes sincere trust or depth of feelings. In this case, you should pay attention to where your left hand is placed. If the left hand is grasped at the elbow, then this expresses more feeling than when grasping the wrist. If the hand is placed on the shoulder, then it expresses more feeling than when it is on the forearm. In general, clasping the wrist or shoulder is only possible between close friends or relatives.
Other famous gestures and movements
Gesture
Characteristic
Sit astride a chair
Characterizes the desire to cover yourself with a kind of shield. As a rule, these are dominant people who try to control or dominate people if they get bored with the topic of conversation. As a rule, this is a very cautious person and can suddenly sit astride a chair. The easiest way to disarm the “rider” is to stand or sit behind him, which will make him feel the vulnerability of the rear and change his position, becoming less aggressive. However, if the person is sitting astride a swivel chair, engage in conversation. Stand on top of him and look down on him, stepping into his personal territory. If someone who likes to sit astride a chair comes to you, place him in a stable chair with armrests, which will not allow him to take his favorite position.
Collecting non-existent lint.
This gesture characterizes disagreement with the opinions or attitudes of other people, but not the determination to express one’s point of view. In this case, the person sits, turning away from the interlocutors, and looking at the floor. This is the most popular gesture of disapproval. If you are not indifferent to the opinion of all participants, when observing such a gesture, you can turn to this person with open palms, “I see that you have some thoughts on this issue?” At the same time, lean back, open your palms and wait for an answer. If a person agreed with you, but continues to “pick up lint,” ask him directly about the objection that he does not dare to say.
Head positions
Gesture
Characteristic
Head nod
A simple way to identify hidden objections is to see if the person is using a negative head shake when verbally expressing their agreement with you.
Straight head position
Characteristic of a person who is neutral about what he hears. The head is usually motionless, with occasional slight nodding.
Bowed head
Characterizes interest in what is being said. If you are having a conversation and observe a tilt of your head to the side, resting your chin on your hand and leaning your body forward, then your message has interested your listeners. If you want to win someone over, just tilt your head to the side and nod your head from time to time.
Head tilt down
Characterizes a negative and even condemning attitude. A low head tilt is usually accompanied by a number of critical gestures. In order to increase interest, you need to do something to raise the listeners' heads.
Putting your hands behind your head
This gesture characterizes self-confident people with a sense of superiority over others. This gesture is also common among know-it-alls, and many people get annoyed when they see this gesture. This gesture can also be used as a sign emphasizing that a person has “staken out” this territory. If a person crosses his legs in the form of the number four, this means that he is also prone to discussion and argument. There are several ways to interact with people using this gesture. If you want to find out the reason why a person behaves with a sense of superiority, lean forward with outstretched palms and say, “I see that you know. Could you comment on this problem.” Then sit back, leave your palms in view and wait for an answer. Try to get the person to change their position. To do this, you can take some object and, putting it away, ask - “Did you see this?” You can copy his pose. Often, in order to express your agreement with your interlocutor, it is enough to repeat his posture.
Sight
You can often hear the phrase - I read it in my eyes. Researchers believe that the eyes transmit the most accurate and open signals of all human communication signals, since they occupy a central position in the human body, and the pupils behave completely independently. In daylight, the pupils can dilate and contract depending on the change in attitude towards the conversation. If a person is excited, his pupils dilate four times their normal size. An angry, gloomy mood causes the pupils to contract, resulting in the appearance of “snake eyes”. When you talk to people or negotiate, look into the person's pupil, and the pupil will tell you the truth about the other person's thoughts.
If a person is dishonest or hiding something, his eyes meet yours less than 1/3 of the time. If a person's eyes meet yours more than 2/3 of the time of communication, and the pupils are dilated, this means that they like you. If the pupils are constricted, this means a negative attitude towards you.
But not only the length and frequency of the gaze are important, but also the geographic area of the face and body to which the gaze is directed, since this affects the outcome of the negotiations. It takes a lot of practice in communicating with people in order to effectively use body language and improve the way you communicate with others.
Type of look
Characteristic
Business look
When conducting business negotiations, imagine that there is a triangle on the forehead of your interlocutor. By directing your gaze to this triangle, you will create a serious atmosphere, and your interlocutor will feel that you are in a businesslike mood. Provided that your gaze does not fall below the eyes of the interlocutor, you will be able to control the progress of negotiations with the help of your gaze.
Social view
When your gaze drops below the other person's eye level, it creates an atmosphere of social interaction. Studies have shown that during social communication, interlocutors also look at the conventional triangle, only in this case it is located on the line of the eyes and mouth area.
Sideways glance
Used to convey interest or hostility. If it is accompanied by slightly raised eyebrows or a smile, it means interest. If accompanied by downturned eyebrows, a furrowed forehead, or downturned corners of the mouth, it denotes a suspicious, hostile, or critical attitude.
Closed eyelids
This gesture is subconscious and is an attempt by the person to remove you from their sight because you are tired of you, or have become uninteresting, or he feels superior to you. If a person is emphasizing his superiority over you, his closed eyelids are combined with a tilted head back and a long gaze, known as a look down. If you notice this look from your interlocutor, keep in mind that your behavior is causing a negative reaction and something needs to change if you are interested in successfully completing the conversation.
Arranged by I. Perov.
With rare exceptions, each of us feels the need for communication, this is how humans are designed.
People share information with each other, jointly develop new ideas, get acquainted and start relationships, are charged with positive and negative emotions - all this happens through communication.
Due to the exceptional importance of this process in all areas of life, we are often very upset when they lie to us, and we do not notice it. Probably, learning to recognize a lie, so that it is certain and always, is the blue dream of humanity. Unfortunately, this is hardly possible, if only because people often cannot distinguish even their own inventions from reality.
However, in order to suspect something is wrong and keep your ears open, you don’t even need special equipment - during a conversation, it’s enough to pay attention to some indirect signs that your interlocutor involuntarily manifests, which can confirm or refute his words.
A lie, as a rule, is inconvenient for the one who comes up with it. He feels discomfort, nervousness, fear that he may be exposed, even when it concerns something completely harmless. And when we are talking about something serious that can affect a person’s future life, if the truth is revealed, then only a person with good self-control can behave correctly at such moments. But even in this case, if you know what to look for, you can find clear signs indicating a person’s nervousness, as well as in which places in his stories and answers it manifests itself most acutely. Let's look at these signs.
Speech
In our communication, words directly account for 20-40% of the information transmitted, that is, less than half. Everything else is non-verbal (that is, non-verbal) information. Methods of its transmission are studied by such a branch of linguistics as paralinguistics.
Pauses- the most common sign of deception. They can either be too long or too frequent. The presence of interjections - “um”, “well”, “uh” - also indicates that they may be telling you a lie or not telling you something.
Raising the tone- a probable sign. Speech becomes louder and faster, and the person experiences excitement. The reasons may be different - anger, delight, fear. But it could also be a lie.
Useless facts. To make a story convincing, people try to saturate their fictional story with real events that are far from the subject of conversation. For example, if you want to find out in detail about the people your interlocutor met, what he, for example, needs to hide, then you will hear detailed 
micro-stories about how wonderful the food was, how great the weather was, what emotions were caused by certain everyday events, and about people can only be said in passing. In a word, they will clearly draw a vast background for you, but in the center of the picture they will only sketch a blurry sketch.
“Guess for yourself” answer. You need to make sure that the person answers directly, without necessarily correcting him and thereby putting pressure on him. Remember that a question asked to a question is only an indirect answer.
If you asked, “Did you watch TV today?” and were told, “Well, you know I couldn’t do that?” - then you need to understand that this is avoiding a direct answer. Although it should be noted that people can answer this way only because they are offended by a lack of confidence in themselves and do not consider it necessary to answer directly.
Another option for an indirect answer is when you are also asked to think out what was said yourself, but are not told directly, for example, to the question “Are you sure you can fix this?” may be followed by the phrase “My friends consider me an excellent master!” From it we can conclude that the person is not confident in his abilities, but he does not want to admit it.
As you asked, so they answered you. Frequent and precise use of phrases from your question, as well as complete repetition of the question before the person begins to answer, may indicate insincerity. In such situations, your interlocutor does not have time to think of what to answer, so he uses your own words or stalls for time before answering in order to have time to construct a plausible version.
An anecdote instead of an answer. Pay attention to the “funny” answers. You asked, they answered you wittily, you appreciated it, laughed and moved on to another question, or you didn’t bother bothering this funny interlocutor anymore - a common situation. But you need to think about it, if a person often laughs it off instead of answering directly, perhaps he is doing it on purpose.
Speech at different speeds. Frequent coughing, attempts to clear the throat, a sudden change in speech from normal to faster or slower may mean that the person is nervous, perhaps lying. This is also indicated by any objectively unconditional change in the speaker’s voice or tone.
If, during the process of telling a story, a person goes back in the course of the story and adds something to it: he clarifies it, says that he forgot to mention something, adds details, then this indicates a sincere story. It’s difficult to remember a story made up on the fly, add to it in the middle, and then continue to think from the end - there is a high probability of getting lost and confused
Body
First of all, you should pay attention to the posture of the interlocutor
“Closed poses” are well known - crossed arms and legs. They say, at a minimum, that the interlocutor is not very inclined to communicate with you. A person may look relaxed, but attempts to hide his hands, fold them on his chest or lock them on his knees give him away. It’s not a fact that he’s lying to you, but he clearly wants to hide something from you, not to let it slip.
It happens that a liar shrinks, as if he is trying to take up as little space as possible.
Another pose: if a person takes a step back during a conversation, most likely he himself does not believe what he is telling you.
There are “slips in gestures”, a kind of non-verbal leaks of information. Not every liar makes them, but if they happen, it is a reliable sign of his intentions.
If a person touches his face with his hands: scratches his nose, covers his mouth, then these are signs that he is subconsciously closing himself off from you, putting a barrier between you.
The most common gestures of deception:
| Involuntary shrug of the shoulders speaks of indifference, that a person doesn’t care. And if he twitches one shoulder, it means that he is lying with a very high degree of probability. | |
|
Rubbing the eyes. When a child does not want to look at something, he covers his eyes with his palms. In an adult this gesture is transforms into rubbing the eye. In this way, the brain tries to block something unpleasant for us (deception, doubt or an unpleasant sight). |
|
|
P
touch to the nose
(often with a quick, elusive movement) is also a sign of lying. This gesture is called the "Pinocchio symptom" Remember the story about Pinocchio, where his nose began to grow rapidly when he lied? In fact, physically this process actually occurs - special substances catelochamines are released in the body, which lead to irritation of the nasal mucosa, pressure also increases, blood flow increases and the nose actually enlarges a little. But this is not noticeable, but it is noticeable how your interlocutor begins to reach for his nose and scratch it. |
|
| Covering mouth with hand or coughing into a fist, according to psychologists, shows a desire to suppress the utterance of one’s own false words, to prevent them from breaking out. | |
| Brushing imaginary lint off clothes. The interlocutor does not approve of what he heard. He doesn't want (or can't) say it out loud, but the gesture betrays his thoughts. | |
|
Pulling the collar. It's a familiar gesture, isn't it? It’s as if it’s getting stuffy and it’s hard for a person to breathe. Deception leads to increased blood pressure and increased sweating, especially if the deceiver is afraid of being caught in a lie. |
Other deceptive gestures include:
Rubbing your earlobe.
Let's get back to our monkeys! This is a “I don’t hear anything” gesture. It is usually accompanied by a glance to the side. Variants of this gesture: rubbing the earlobe, scratching the neck behind the ear, picking (sorry) in the ear or twisting it into a tube.
Scratching the neck.
Typically, people do this with the index finger of the hand they are writing with. The average person scratches their neck 5 times a day. This gesture means doubt. That is, if a person tells you something like “Yes, yes! I completely agree with you” and at the same time reaches out to scratch his neck, this means that in fact he does not agree and doubts.
Fingers in mouth.
The most striking character with a finger in his mouth is Dr. Evil from the film about Austin Powers. He almost always keeps his little finger near his mouth. This is an unconscious attempt by a person to return to a state of security that is usually associated with infancy and sucking on the same pacifier. An adult sucks a cigar, a pipe, glasses, a pen, or chews gum. Most touching of the mouth is associated with deception, but it also indicates that the person needs approval. Perhaps he is lying because he is afraid that you will not like the truth.
Pay attention to such a gesture as extended middle finger. It can simply lie on the knee, or the person accidentally touches his face with it. This is a gesture of hostility and hidden aggression: the interlocutor seems to send you to hell.
You should also notice if the interlocutor shifts from foot to foot or even takes a small step back. This indicates a desire to leave, to distance themselves from you, so as not to give something away.
It is especially important to pay attention to backward movements when asking questions. If the respondent's head moves sharply back or down- this is perhaps also an attempt to close.
Emotions
A person's behavior differs dramatically depending on whether he is telling the truth or lying.
If a lie occurs, then the person’s emotions will be much deeper and more sensual. Any lie implies the presence of a certain mask that a person puts on himself and builds an appropriate line of behavior. Often, the “mask” and other emotions are mixed together. For example, a slight smile is a mask of pleasure, if this feeling is not actually experienced, it is mixed with signs of fear, sadness, disgust or anger. In the case of sincere joy, our gaze will see not only a smile, but also the movement of the muscles located around the eyes.
Bad reaction. Monitor the other person's emotions as the conversation progresses. If a person is hiding something from you, then emotions may be expressed late, remain on the person’s face for an unusually long time, and then suddenly disappear, appearing before you finish the phrase.
This happens because a person thinks intensely about something of his own, poorly maintains the thread of the conversation and demonstrates emotions that he does not actually feel.
Facial expressions that last 5-10 seconds are usually fake. Most genuine emotions only appear on the face for a few seconds. Otherwise they will look like a mockery. For example, surprise that lasts for more than 5 seconds in a person is a false emotion.
A sincere person's words, gestures and facial expressions are synchronized. If someone shouts: “I’m so tired of you!”, and an angry facial expression appears only after the remark, the anger is most likely fake.
American psychologist Paul Ekman studied people's facial expressions and counted a total of 46 independent facial movements. However, he found that in combination with each other they can convey about 7,000 unique emotions! Interestingly, many of the muscles that move the face are not controlled by consciousness. This means that a fake smile will always, albeit slightly, differ from the real one.
Behavior during provocations
Increased breathing, heaving of the chest, frequent swallowing, protruding perspiration - these are signs of strong feelings. It is possible that they are lying to you. Blushing is a sign of embarrassment, but you can also become embarrassed from shame for lying.
Do you like field hockey? If you try to abruptly change the subject, the person telling the lie will take it with relief and support your initiative, because he understands that the less you talk to him, the less chance he has of “messing up” and giving himself away. If the interlocutor is sincere, then his natural reaction will be a misunderstanding of the reason for the change of topic, dissatisfaction that his story was not heard to the end. He will try to return to the topic of conversation.
I don't like you guys... If you have doubts about the veracity of the interlocutor’s words, MirSovetov advises to implicitly show that you do not believe the interlocutor’s story: after his answer to the next question, pause, look closely, with distrust. If they are not honest with you, it will cause embarrassment and uncertainty. If a person tells the truth, then he often begins to get irritated and stare at you. The following changes can be noted in it: embarrassment disappears, lips compress, eyebrows frown.
Eye movements
It is true that the eyes are the mirror of the soul. A person is designed in such a way that the eyes actively participate in the process of thinking.
They take position depending on which area of the brain is involved at the moment. Knowing this, we can assume what the brain is doing at one time or another in the dialogue: coming up with something new or processing real information.
If a person confidently wants to defend his lie and lies consciously, he tries to maintain eye contact. He looks soulfully into your eyes. This is to know if you believe his lies.
And when a person is taken by surprise and wants to lie so that everyone will forget about it, he immediately switches your attention: he goes into another room, supposedly on business, or starts tying his shoes, sorting out papers and muttering something under his breath...
However, sometimes a person looks into the eyes in the hope of seeing support. He may not lie, but he can be very unsure of his rightness.
Watch for blinking. When they lie, they often blink involuntarily, because for many, lying is still a . But, in addition, increased blinking may mean that the subject of conversation is unpleasant to him and causes pain. And the less often a person blinks, the happier he is at that moment.
When asking a question, pay attention to the eye movement at the moment when the person answers. When a person is really trying to remember all the details and tell you, they look to the right. When a person comes up with ideas, his gaze goes to the left.
Usually when a person remembers (invents) he looks not just to the side, but down (down right, down left)
See a diagram by neurolinguistic psychologists that tells you what eye movements indicate.
Let's imagine that the picture shows the face of your interlocutor. Further, in order to avoid confusion, we will agree to write in relation to you when you look at the “interlocutor’s face”, and in brackets there will be instructions regarding the face depicted in the diagram
You see that the other person's eyes
- They're watching to your left and up(the person looks at the upper right corner), this indicates the construction of the picture.
- To your right and up(for him this is the upper left corner) - access to visual memory.
- They're watching left(right side for the interlocutor) - comes up with a sound,
- right(left side for him) - tries to remember what he heard.
- Eyes below and left(lower right corner) - checking sensations and feelings.
- Below and to the right(lower left corner) - reflects on the situation, talks to himself.
- If the look straight, then the person perceives the information.
For example, if you asked your boss about the salary date, and while answering, he looked down and to the right relative to you, then he thought about it for the first time and is forming an answer “on the fly”, thinking. And if he just turns to the right, it means he’s saying what he heard before from his superiors.
Pay attention to this nuance: if you are talking to a left-handed person, then the left and right sides are mirror opposites. This is also true for right-handers, in whom the left hemisphere still predominates over the right, for example, the so-called. retrained lefties.
There is an opinion that a direct look eye to eye symbolizes the sincerity of a person, but if the eyes are averted, then they say that someone is “hiding” his eyes and hiding something. In reality, this is not the case. During a conversation, it is often necessary to break eye contact in order to focus on a thought, think, or remember.
Based on materials from bskltd.ru, mirsovetov.ru
Interesting fact:
Scientists from the State University of New York at Buffalo have developed a high-tech polygraph. 
Based on eye movements, it recognizes when a person is telling the truth and when he is lying. According to the researchers, their system is able to detect false statements with an accuracy of more than 80%.
The new system was tested on volunteers. Before the experiment began, they were asked to guess whether they had stolen a check that was made out to a political party they did not support. An interrogator sat next to the subjects, who first asked questions not related to the topic, and then directly asked about “theft.”
At this time, the program, using web cameras, monitored the violation of the trajectory of eye movement, the speed of blinking and the frequency with which the participants in the experiment shifted their gaze. As a result, the system was able to successfully detect lies in 82.2% of cases, while for experienced investigators this rate was about 60%.
How to recognize a lie by facial expressions and gestures:
It should be noted that just as in nature there are no two identical personalities, each person is individual in his own way, so there is no universal set of signals that detect lies. Therefore, all signs must be carefully analyzed in the context of the current situation, and pay attention to both the voice and emotions, and do not forget about body movements. The tongue can lie, but the body cannot lie.
However, be careful and do not make hasty conclusions, no matter how insightful people you are, because even Sherlock Holmes once suspected a girl of a terrible crime, mistaking her awkward gesture for an attempt to hide the truth. Later it turned out that the girl was simply embarrassed by her unpowdered nose: o).
And what do you think,
Of course, postures and gestures provide the most information about a person’s internal state. While a handshake can be faked by being in a certain mood and controlling the situation, it is very difficult to control your body. The human body, his gait, gestures, facial expressions, and pantomimes provide the most valuable information about a person’s character. Just as people's faces vary, so do their bodies, gait and movements.
Our body is known to consist of more than 200 bones and more than 500 muscles. From birth until approximately 1-1.5 years, the child communicates with the external environment through body movements. Showing with his body contentment and disgust, request and refusal, discomfort and bliss, asking or demanding to feed, drink, clean or change clothes or diapers, demanding affection, encouragement, attention and everything that he lives with. At this time, the child communicates with the outside world through crying and smiling, movements of the arms, legs and the whole body.
In accordance with the fact that each movement causes or, conversely, does not cause a response from adults, movements, gestures, postures are remembered and repeated again and again. By communicating with the outside world, the child later strengthens his gait. Later, when the formation of gestures, facial expressions, character traits are also reflected in the formation of muscles.
Each of the 200 bones is connected by muscles, the muscles are in a relaxed or tense state. The level of muscle tension or relaxation creates that unique mosaic of movements, gait, facial expressions and pantomimes of different people. Therefore, a certain character is characterized by certain postures, gestures, gait, facial expressions and pantomimes.
Since the 70s, psychoanalysis has developed a whole direction of treating people by relieving tension and tightness in the muscles. This direction comes from the fact that by changing our body, we can change our character. This direction is called “bioenergy analysis” and “bioenergy therapy”. Bioenergetics analyzes the patient’s psychological problem through the structure of his body and movements, through the release of physiological tension in compressed or cramped muscles.
In the process of raising a child, adults require him to comply with accepted norms of behavior, ranging from cultural to social, which are determined in nurseries and kindergartens, schools and lyceums. The child gets used to hiding his intentions, feelings, desires, and, accordingly, his movements, facial expressions, gestures. Hiding his feelings and intentions, adhering to socially desirable norms of behavior, a person, as it were, acquires second nature. Therefore, it is not so easy to understand a person’s character at first glance by external manifestations. One or two signs, be it a gesture, movement or elements of some posture, cannot provide objective information about the character person.
Here we need a whole complex of manifestations connected with each other, which allow us to truly judge a person’s character. For example, it is difficult to judge by a smile what is happening in a person’s soul; a smile can be real or “through tears.” When there is an “artificial smile” on the part of a simple person whose soul is scratched by cats, then this “artificiality” can be recognized by posture, gestures, intonation of voice, but when an actor, actress or professional service worker smiles, then in order to understand this smile, professional knowledge in this area is required.
The duality of nature makes it difficult to understand a person’s character not only to those around him, but also to himself. It is the manifestations of the “dual nature,” which to one degree or another exists in each of us, that determine the difficulties of character recognition. For example, a kind, reliable person sometimes wants to seem tough, inaccessible and unapproachable and behaves accordingly.
Often many compensatory mechanisms work in the same way. Many “jocks”, bodybuilders, “body builders” compensate for their inner weakness, fear, defenselessness with an outer shell of inaccessibility, strength and courage, as if emphasizing: “Look how strong I am, you cannot offend me.” Only an experienced professional or an inquisitive, inquisitive researcher, asking himself why a person behaves this way, what causes his behavior, can discern a gentle, vulnerable soul behind the outwardly indestructible, strong shell.
To understand a person’s character, the ambiguity of gestures, pantomime, and facial expressions are of great importance. The same manifestations of facial expressions and pantomimes can have completely different reasons. And, conversely, different phenomena can cause the same reaction and the same movements. Therefore, the relationship between external manifestations of character is complex. Of course, there are direct indicators in posture, gait, facial expressions and movements of personality traits, but it is better if one manifestation is confirmed by several more. If you do not know the person, it is important to understand what state he is in - whether this is his normal state or temporary, he is excited about something or is experiencing deep stress. The strength of the phenomenon under which a person is affected also matters.
Why, despite the ambiguity of manifestations, can we judge a person’s condition by external signs? Because everything is subject to laws. Any of our internal experiences, movements of the soul, any dynamics of feelings cause a response in the body, facial expressions, gait, posture, movements. Nothing passes without a trace for the body; internal tension causes an external reaction - exactly the one that is characteristic of a given mental experience.
Many external manifestations of inner life are recorded and read by us constantly in the process of life. But this process occurs unconsciously; all information is processed on an unconscious, non-verbal level. Without awareness, understanding, and training in the skills of reading body language, it is difficult to verbalize this information, because our brain processes it at the level of “pleasant - unpleasant”, “suitable - not suitable”, “confident - not credible”.
These are situations when we say: “There is something I don’t like about this person,” “He is somehow slippery or unpleasant,” etc. That is, we cannot give ourselves an account of what caused our reaction, but internally the information has already been processed, our unconscious tells us through elements of non-verbal behavior that this person is unpleasant to us. Or, conversely, the person hasn’t told us anything yet, but already evokes sympathy.
To understand body language, an important role is played by unconscious, involuntary movements of the hand, human body, and slips of the tongue, which provide irrefutable evidence of inner life, the state of truth or falsity of a statement, action or intention. They can be compared to barely noticeable touches in a portrait, but they are what make the portrait similar to the original, like seasonings that add a piquant taste to food.
How should a person be viewed in order to understand her character? First, it is necessary to identify a number of criteria for analyzing and understanding body language. The first criterion is the integrity of nature. If some parts of the body stand out from the general background, it means that there are some problems associated with this place.
For example, if we see an asymmetrical face, that is, one corner of the mouth is higher than the other, or when talking the mouth is curved in one direction, then we can notice that this person’s rational and emotional are at odds with each other. The mechanism, or physiological connection, is as follows: as you know, one side of our hemisphere is responsible for logical thinking, and the other for emotions.
When a person often has to make a deal with his conscience in the name of something, for example, a place at work, obtaining some benefits, etc., his inner conscience constantly torments him, and his mind persuades him that this is necessary. Such internal struggle is reflected on the face.
If we see an unnatural gait, when the legs, pelvis and lower back are connected into one rigid structure, then we can say that such a person has problems in the sexual sphere. The fact is that the energy accumulated in the lower part of the body, not finding an outlet, creates strong tension, which leads to tension in the muscles of the buttocks and, accordingly, creates an unnatural gait.
The second criterion is the appropriateness and inappropriateness of movements, postures in a given situation, tension or relaxation. For example, an important meeting is going on, all the participants are extremely tense and attentive, and one of them leans back, yawning. It is clear that in this situation such behavior is clearly inappropriate. If this is one of the managers, then by his behavior he makes it clear that the conversation must be ended; if he has equal weight with the other side, then by his behavior he shows that the conversation no longer interests him, that everything is already clear to him.
The next criterion is the pace of movements, which can be characterized as fast, slow, calm, explosive, rhythmic or, conversely, arrhythmic, ragged, variable, spasmodic, etc.
Movements can be wide, smooth, angular, with small amplitude, rounded, characterizing directionality - forward-backward, up-down, sideways, as well as expansion, narrowing, etc.
It is advisable to describe each movement of the body as accurately as possible in order to understand what it means. The more fully the manifestations of the body are described, the more complete and correct the understanding of the nature of a person’s inner world will be.
Another important criterion in understanding body language is the concept of tension. Here you need to distinguish between a state of tension and muscle tension. . The state of tension can be conscious or unconscious. For example, we are watering flowers, and the watering can is quite heavy, and we feel the tension this work causes in us, starting with the muscles of the arms and ending with the spine and leg muscles.
Another example: a person is walking down the street, and suddenly there is a strong blow or explosion. Then the whole body instantly, unconsciously tenses. When a person writes something serious, thorough, the state of tension is reflected on his face. Everyone has probably seen how a first-grader writes: his arms are tense, his body is too, the efforts he makes are visible in the muscles of his face. He writes not only with his hand and head, but “with his whole body.”
The opposite of tension is relaxation. During a state of peace and relaxation, a person perceives music, a work of fine art, and nature more deeply. Only by relaxing can he rest his soul. The more relaxed he is, the more open he is to the perception of others.
And, conversely, the more tense it is, the more closed it is. The stronger the tension, the shorter the time it can last. The stress of competition, for example, exhausts even great athletes extremely quickly. A person cannot maintain high voltage for a long time. Examples from the world of sports show that some athletes are not able to contain high tension even for a certain time, so they “burn out” before the competition.
We consider the concept of tension to understand character traits and the state of the individual, that is, we introduce the reader to a teaching in which energy and muscle tension are placed at the forefront. This is the psychoanalysis of W. Reich and A. Lowen.
These scientists see the main goal in relieving muscle tension. By relieving tension in the muscles, they “treat” a person’s character, change his features, relieve neurosis, thereby restoring the person’s agreement with himself, previously lost for one reason or another. To better understand this, here is an excerpt from A. Lowen’s book “Body Language”.
“My patient was a young, very attractive woman. At the first session I was struck by the position of her head and the strength of her jaw. This jaw gave the face a gloomy expression. With such a jaw, of course, there is only one step from a decisive expression to a gloomy one, but I was confident in my impression.
The patient suffered from a joyless existence both in her personal life and in her family environment. She immediately understood my remark regarding the gloom of her character. With her head slightly bowed to the side and her shoulders raised, her body took on an expression of resigned submission, and her face - martyrdom.
Working on body position, I spent a lot of time in each session trying to soften my jaw and relieve tension in the back of my head. But every time I approached these areas, she began to cry quietly, although then she quickly and readily calmed down and perked up. I persisted in this work, and several months later I was pleasantly surprised to find no trace of gloom on her face. The character structure began to give in slightly, but that was the only trait that disappeared, at least at that moment.”
So that the reader does not get the impression that this was an easy job, W. Reich compares the procedure of bioenergetic analysis and the correction of neuroses with the millstones that the psychoanalyst passes through.
A. Lowen compares the very procedure of psychoanalysis and bioenergetic analysis with going through hell, about which he writes: “Each of us must face our own hell and go through it to the end in order to find the way to heaven and home.” And he compares the procedure itself with Dante’s description in The Divine Comedy, where Virgil plays the role of a psychoanalyst, since he had previously encountered problems of his character and successfully overcame them, and Dante plays the role of a patient. Human suffering is depicted in the form of Hell, they are caused by neurotic impulses, and in purgatory a person is freed from everything neurotic, in order to then receive the joy and enjoyment of life in paradise.
Based on other seemingly imperceptible signs, the following characteristic features can be identified:
Lack of discipline and carelessness are manifested in a slack gait, a free, relaxed sitting posture;
Inner uncertainty, embarrassment, fearfulness are expressed in a closed gait (when the arms and legs are brought together, or perhaps only the arms or legs), a mincing gait, sitting on the edge of a chair (with a readiness to jump up), one or both hands in pockets, movements of the hands that close part of the face, redness, intermittent voice, searching for objects with hands (so that you can twirl, twist, hold something);
Inner uncertainty is also indicated by closed postures, turning away the face, turning the body, legs and arms away from the interlocutor, slowing down the pace of movement, losing interest in the conversation, demonstratively lazy posture, rhythmically tapping the fingers on the table, changing the posture towards a distant one, slowing down gesticulation and speech.
Internal restlessness, nervousness, and nervous tension are indicated by rhythmic movements of the fingers, often with a very small amplitude, disturbance of repetitive movements, fidgeting in a chair, continuous tapping of fingers, rotation of various objects in the hands - a watch, a cigarette pack, glasses, and so on.
A deliberately wide and slow gait reflects the desire to show off oneself and attract attention. Theatrical body movements and “proud” gait speak of inflated self-esteem and narcissism.
If we consider the forms of movement, we can note that straightforwardness and restraint of movements characterize coldness, prudence, and authoritarian nature. Disordered, sudden movements indicate excitement, irritability, nervousness; solid, wooden, puppet-like - about a closed, split, inhibited personality.
The roundness of movements characterizes the richness of emotions and a carefree attitude towards the world.
49 simple rules
INTRODUCTION
Sign language
A person conveys information not only with the help of words (verbally), but also with the help of gestures, facial expressions, posture, gaze, appearance, distance during conversation, decorations - that is, with the help of non-verbal signals. It has been proven that we receive most of the information about a person (about 80%) from non-verbal sources, while words give us only 20% of all information. Very often, nonverbal information remains “behind the scenes” of our perception, because we do not know how to read and interpret it.
We often do not notice the obvious: we believe formally spoken words of agreement, while the person nods his head negatively, trying to warn us - I don’t agree. We don’t pay attention to the fact that the person greeting us with a smile has his arms crossed over his chest - a sign of a defensive position - “I feel uncomfortable and uncomfortable.”
The book is intended for those who want to learn to read the language of gestures, facial expressions, postures, etc., for those who want to learn more about their interlocutor than he tells about himself, for those who want to decipher the true motives of a person’s behavior, determine the momentary mood of the interlocutor. If you are learning to control your body using only shadow verbal signs that help create a positive image and set your interlocutor up for positivity, then this book is for you. In order to make your body an ally and not a traitor, you must study the alphabet of gestures well, imagine what each non-verbal signal means. We offer you this book in order to further benefit from the most valuable experience acquired after reading it.
WHAT DO HUMAN GESTURES SAY?
Rule #1
How to recognize gestures from the “I’m thinking” category
A person who is in thought is absent from reality; he does not hear or see what is happening around him, since he is in the world of his own thoughts and fantasies. It should be noted: when a person thinks or fantasizes, do not waste important arguments, he will not perceive them anyway, will not hear them.
It must be remembered that in a person who is deep in thought, the most active area of the brain is, so he tries to focus our attention on it, as if warning: “Don’t interfere - I’m thinking.” For a person who is lost in thought or distracted from the conversation, the following gestures are typical: hands on the forehead in various positions, a person can rub his temples, scratch the back of his head. These kinds of gestures have another purpose: a person thus tries to increase the efficiency of the brain, adjusts his “mental apparatus" to solve a difficult problem. Hence all kinds of stroking and scratching.
In addition to gestures, a person’s posture reveals a thoughtful person. Remember “The Thinker” by Auguste Rodin: he sits with his cheek resting on his hand. If your interlocutor is characterized by this posture, most likely he has been distracted from your conversation and is thinking about something of his own. To make sure of your assumptions, pay attention to his gaze. A person who is far, far away - in his dreams and fantasies - is characterized by the so-called “look into nowhere”: absent, unfocused.
By the posture of a thinking person, you can approximately determine what he is thinking about. If a person leans on his right hand or rubs his right temple, it means that the left hemisphere of the brain is involved in his thinking (according to the law of cross distribution of zones of influence of the brain), which is responsible for the logical, analytical abilities of a person. Consequently, at the moment the person is busy with analysis, he is occupied with questions that require detailed calculations. In this case, a person’s gaze can be concentrated, focused on one point. If a person leans on his left hand, it means that the right hemisphere of the brain is involved, which is responsible for the sensual side of human nature. A person most likely philosophizes, fantasizes, his thoughts lack clarity, concreteness and do not require analysis. The gaze is not focused on one point, but, on the contrary, is vague, directed to nowhere.
If you notice similar signs in your interlocutor, then it is possible that he is not listening to you, but is immersed in his own thoughts. To make sure that he perceives the information, you can ask him a question. If there is no answer, know that your interlocutor is in deep thought. You need to either wait until he wakes up from his thoughts, or influence him: say something loudly or touch him.
Rule #2
How to recognize gestures from the “I’m interested” category
It is important to understand whether the interlocutor is interested in you. Often verbal signs of interest are imaginary, and only with the help of non-verbal communication can you understand how interested your interlocutor is. Verbally, the interlocutor can show interest by asking questions, clarifying details, asking to repeat. But this, alas, is not a 100% indicator of interest. Questions can only mean a reluctance to offend you, formal politeness, but not interest.
An interested person, as a rule, is quite stingy with gestures. A person may be so concentrated on the interlocutor or interesting information that he tries not to make noise in order not to miss the thread of the conversation. It is not for nothing that in a classroom or auditorium, where schoolchildren or students are interested in what the teacher is talking about, there is perfect silence.
But there are other non-verbal ways to determine the interest of the interlocutor. A person who is interested in what is happening strives with all his being to get closer to the source of information. You can notice the tilt of the body towards the speaker: the listener strives to be closer to him.
It happens that a person is so carried away by what is happening that he simply ceases to control his body. He may forget to close his mouth or open his eyes wide - these are facial signs that indicate that the person is surprised, amazed, and in a state of maximum interest.
If you were unable to detect any of the listed “symptoms” of interest in your interlocutor, you should urgently change tactics - change the topic of the conversation, increase the emotionality of what is being said, otherwise your message will be insignificant for your interlocutor and will not bring the results you need.
Rule #3
How to recognize gestures from the category “I respect you”
Respect is one of those aspects of human relationships that you need to achieve throughout your life. It can be difficult to determine whether a person's respect is true or false. Do they give you a hand with a desire to greet you or because of an established tradition?
There are not many gestures indicating respect. In order to determine how they treat you, pay attention to how the person greets you. A handshake is a very ancient tradition, which previously had not only a ritual meaning - to greet a newcomer, but also meant that people came to meet each other without bad intentions, without weapons. Now this ritual has acquired other meanings. A person who treats you with respect offers his hand first or at the same time as you. He does not try to immediately remove his hand: a respectful handshake should be long. The arm should be extended, and in no case bent at the elbow. Thus, the person should not cause you inconvenience, should not force you to reach out. Rather, on the contrary, he is trying to create the most comfortable conditions for you.
The following can be considered a gesture of respect: a man shakes his hand to a woman as she exits public transport. It can also be formal in nature, it just means that the person is familiar with the rules of good manners. If this is a gesture of true respect, then the person offering the hand should look at you and try to catch your hand.
Bowing your head is a gesture of respect. Pay attention to how the person tilts his head. A respectful bow may be accompanied by lowering the eyelids (this comes from the ancient tradition of greeting royalty - they are so majestic and powerful that people did not even dare to look at them, so they lowered their eyelids).
In some Western countries, hugging is a nonverbal way to show affection and respect for a person, even if there is no close relationship between these people. Hugs are allowed after the first meeting if people have found kindred spirits in each other. This, in essence, reduces the distance between people to a minimum. In other words, you are letting a stranger into your personal zone and invading his personal space. There is a direct contact, which means: “I understood you, I accepted you, I treat you with respect.” In our country, as a rule, hugs are acceptable only between close friends and relatives.
Rule #4
How to recognize gestures from the “I doubt” category
What gestures, postures and facial expressions indicate that a person is in doubt about making a decision? How to determine that he is not ready to give an objective assessment of the events taking place? You can easily calculate whether your interlocutor is inclined to agree with you and accept your point of view.
The state of doubt is a twofold state. It has its pros and cons. A person, on the one hand, has not yet refused you, has not made a completely negative decision, he does not tell you “no” peremptorily. On the other hand, your argument is not convincing enough; the person has not yet agreed with your arguments.
A person who has not made a decision is characterized by gestures and thoughts that indicate that he is still analyzing the situation and is paying full attention. He may express distrust. If a person doubts the arguments you present, he tries not to look you in the eyes. His gaze may wander around the room, he may look out the window, try to abstract himself from your arguments and independently think about the pros and cons of your proposal. An even more dangerous direction to look is towards the exit. This means that he is inclined towards a negative answer and intends to leave in the near future.
A doubting person is characterized by fingering, rubbing, scratching gestures - repetitive, monotonous. These gestures have the following meanings: firstly, they are associated with mental activity (a person is thinking about your arguments), and secondly, they have the goal of distracting your attention and confusing you. A person in a state of doubt does not concentrate on you and your arguments; there is some nervousness and fussiness in his movements and gestures.
Here are some examples of such gestures: rubbing or scratching the eyes, corners of the mouth, they mean that the person suspects you of lying, and there is a catch in your arguments.
Another gesture that clearly indicates that a person is in a state of doubt is a shrug. Often this is an unconscious gesture. For example, a person may agree or disagree with you, but at the same time he completely unintentionally shrugs his shoulders - this is a non-verbal signal that indicates his uncertainty in the decision made. Such disharmony in verbal and non-verbal behavior suggests that you can change the situation. Even if your interlocutor made a decision that is unfavorable to you, you can convince him. If he agreed with your arguments, but expresses uncertainty and shrugs, this indicates that you must reinforce his confidence in the decision made. Otherwise, after talking with other people, he will change his mind.
Rule #5
How to recognize "I'm on guard" gestures
If a person feels threatened by you, fears that you might attack him or do something not very pleasant for him, he immediately begins to carry out nonverbal defense. The situation of threat may not be reflected at all in his words, but he begins to behave differently. You only have to look closely at him, and then you will understand that he is afraid of you.
A person begins to use special gestures that mean the following: “Stop. Stop. I feel like there's a catch here." If a person crosses his arms over his chest, points his fingertips in different directions, and turns his outstretched arm and palm towards you, then this signals that you should stop. An outstretched arm has other meanings: first of all, this signal will not allow you to get closer, to invade his personal space, the person unconsciously puts a barrier between you, in addition, he is trying to close your mouth in this way, he feels a hidden threat in your words.
A wary person is characterized by a special look: he looks at you point-blank, watches your every gesture, movement with the sole purpose of not missing the moment when a “knife” appears in your hands. This “knife” can have a symbolic meaning: you can strike verbally, prick with a cruel joke, or convey unpleasant news. This is the moment your interlocutor is waiting for you. If several people are involved in a conversation, then the vigilant interlocutor very quickly looks from one to the other.
A person who feels threatened by you can prepare an escape route in advance - he always notices where the door is, so that if his assumptions are confirmed and you create a threat to him, he can quickly find a way out.
How can such signals be neutralized? In order for a person to lose the feeling of threat, you need to calm him down and establish contact with him. First, try to get as close to him as possible, despite his desire to move away. Use tactile influence - touch him, stroke him, you can take his hand in the forearm area. These movements should not be sharp or rude, otherwise he will regard them as the beginning of an attack on your part. Try to speak slowly and loud enough for the person to hear you, otherwise they will think you are trying to hide something from them. If you are sitting at a table opposite each other, then you should move to him. If you manage to avoid a confrontational situation and relieve the feeling of pressure, then your interlocutor will be able to relax, and your dialogue will be more constructive.
Rule #6
How to recognize gestures from the category “I am willing to compromise”
Finding a compromise is not an easy task in any situation, be it a family dispute, a business conversation or an academic discussion. In such situations, it is important to see that your opponent is willing to compromise. A person may say that he will not back down from his words, but nonverbal signals may indicate the opposite - the person is ready to make concessions.
If you notice a discrepancy between a person's words and his gestures, then this is a sign that you will be able to get the decision you need from him. It is very important to see this dissonance between the word and the body and interpret it correctly. If your opponent says that he completely disagrees with you, considers your words absurd, but at this moment he nods his head up and down, this indicates that he is ready to accept your point of view and is only adding value to himself, trying to achieve more favorable conditions for himself. If you notice such a gesture, then you don’t have to stand on ceremony with it, insist on your terms, be sure that sooner or later your interlocutor will accept them.
The absence of gestures is also a gesture. If we do not find any negative gestures in a person, for example, crossed arms or legs, he feels quite comfortable communicating with you at a close distance, easily lets you into his personal space, this indicates that the person accepts your point of view. Most likely, you have already done enough to win him over to your side. In the near future he will agree with you.
A person who has already made a decision is characterized by a certain facial and gestural calm. There are no distracting movements or gestures, the face expresses peace and harmony. Even if he insists on his own, resists your persuasion, most likely this is just a formality.
In a discussion, in an argument, a person who is inclined to compromise behaves somewhat imposingly, he understands: a dispute is an argument, but he has already decided everything for himself. He can very convincingly defend his point of view and be internally calm, but he understands that he will still need to come to some kind of solution that suits both parties.
In order to determine what your interlocutor is leaning towards, pay attention to the enumeration gestures used, which, as a rule, do not carry much semantic meaning, but can sometimes clarify something. If a person directs arguments in your direction, this means that he is leaning towards yours positions. If the transfer is directed in the opposite direction (he seems to be collecting everything around, raking up everything that is bad), this indicates that the person is looking for benefits, he has a desire to get the maximum benefit from the negotiations.
Rule No. 7
How to recognize gestures from the “I tend to trust relationships” category
A person is not always inclined to trust relationships. As a rule, he does not seek to let into his inner circle those people who cause him doubt or hostility. By nonverbal signals you can easily understand whether a person has gained confidence in you.
It is believed that if a person actively comes into contact with you, this means that you have gained trust in him and he will cooperate with you. But the talkativeness of your interlocutor does not always mean that you have won his sympathy. Sociable people easily communicate with anyone, even if he is unlikable. Sometimes only by non-verbal signals can one determine the true attitude towards you.
Gestures of a person who is prone to trusting relationships are directed towards the interlocutor. He will direct any non-verbal signal, be it a listing gesture, his posture, the toes of his shoes turned towards you, in your direction. All these are signs that you have established contact with him, which can bear fruit in the future.
You need to pay attention to the distance between you. If your interlocutor maintains a distance of up to 70 cm, this means that he knows the rules of etiquette and is not trying to invade your personal space. On the other hand, if he doesn't let you into his space, he doesn't like you enough. If the distance is reduced to 50 cm or less, you can praise yourself for being so charming and attractive and finding an approach to the person.
If already at the first meeting a person can easily touch you, pat you on the shoulder, straighten your tie or scarf, you can safely give yourself 5 points for your charm and charm.
The facial expressions of a person who has gained confidence in you are very complacent. A person who is disposed to trust you will often smile at you, and, moreover, laugh openly, without holding back his emotions, since he likes you and has nothing to be embarrassed in your company.
A person who has gained confidence in you can copy your gestures. Often this happens unconsciously and is done not to please you, but simply because you want to be a little like you. You can even do an experiment: use some constant gesture when communicating with a new person, for example, snapping a finger. If by the end of the conversation your interlocutor has adopted your habit, it means that you have very successfully coped with the task of being liked and managed to make a good impression on the person.
Rule #8
How to recognize gestures from the category “I’m defending myself”
Gestures of defense quite eloquently indicate that a person subconsciously or consciously feels fear of you or feels guilty. He is in a situation where he needs to defend himself from your attacks, all non-verbal signals will indicate that he wants to block your attempts to influence him.
One of the most common and striking methods of defense is crossing your arms over your chest. This signal may indicate that the person does not want to make contact, that he is embarrassed, that he wants to protect himself from you. This category includes the cross leg gesture - a person seems to lose the feeling of support under his feet. The characteristic posture of defense is an upright body, the body is slightly tilted forward, the head is lowered, the forehead is directed towards the interlocutor, the eyes are lowered. The person is trying to take the blow with his forehead, to defend himself from your words. This pose helps to reflect negativity.
When in a situation of potential attack, a person tries to cover the most painful area. Men use the “wall football” pose – they cover the groin area, thereby protecting themselves from possible attacks. Sensitive people who take everything to heart try to cover their chest in the area of the heart, either by crossing their arms over their chest or covering the heart with the palm of their left hand.
People with different types of perception may have different methods of protection - visual people put on glasses, cover their eyes with their hands, pretend that the sun is blinding their eyes, auditory people can pull a hat over their ears, straighten their long hair, if neither one nor the other is available, they perform some manipulations with their ears , closing them. Kinesthetic people who perceive the world through sensations try to maintain a distance so as not to touch the interlocutor, often hide their hands in their pockets, thereby showing that they do not want to perceive the information that you give. People who perceive the world by smell can perform manipulations with their nose using a handkerchief; they may suddenly develop a runny nose - an involuntary defensive reaction.
A person defends himself from your attacks, creating visible and invisible barriers between you. This can be expressed in the form of building a wall or barrier. If you are sitting at the table and see that your interlocutor begins to build something like a heap of objects lying nearby (pens, notepads), this means something similar to the “Great Wall of China” piled up in your relationship. In other words, your interlocutor is building some kind of structure that will serve as protection from you. Another person can also act as a wall. While defending himself, your interlocutor may deliberately introduce a third party into your conversation. The bystander is in a sense a wall, since the defending person hopes that you will not attack him in the presence of a third person.
Rule #9
How to recognize gestures from the “I feel awkward” category
When a person feels awkward, ashamed of himself, his actions, he wants only one thing - not to be noticed, not to be touched, and best of all - to fall into the ground. The feeling of awkwardness is very easy to calculate by a whole set of non-verbal means with which your interlocutor can try to disguise it.
As soon as a person feels that he is ashamed, he will immediately try to divert your attention from himself so that you do not notice obvious signs of shame, for example, redness of the face or increased heart rate. He wants to buy time to return to normal, to hide the involuntary, uncontrollable reactions of his body. Your interlocutor may suddenly grab an object, stand up abruptly, change position, for example, try to throw on a jacket that was previously hanging calmly on a chair. At the moment of feeling shame, a person breaks eye contact, lowers his eyes, and his gaze freezes on some object. His gestures and movements become fussy.
Let us recall an episode from Chekhov’s story “Chameleon”. As soon as the police supervisor Ochumelov made another mistake and he felt ashamed of his words, he immediately tried to distract the attention of those around him, confuse them, taking off and putting on his coat again.
If a person has an innate sense of shame or has committed a very serious crime and is sure that he will not be forgiven, he has a need to dress as inconspicuously as possible. In fact, this is a rather serious mistake in using nonverbal signals. If you look inconspicuous, this does not mean that you will not be noticed. On the contrary, you will be noticed, but ignored, they will consider it unnecessary to talk to you, and you will be left with your sense of shame, which can develop into paranoia. Let us recall an episode from the novel “Gone with the Wind”: Scarlet, having seduced her friend’s husband, at first did not want to go to her name day at all, but Rhett Butler forced her to do it. And he asked me to wear the brightest dress – purple-red. He believed that this was how Scarlet would be able to feel all the bitterness of her guilt. But in fact, this dress saved her: it destroyed her fear of the company of Melanie and Ashley. Bright clothes help in self-realization, we understand that it is impossible not to notice us, we are so bright: how a person looks is how he feels. Getting out of awkward situations in bright outfits is much easier than in completely discreet clothes.
The feeling of awkwardness doubles as soon as a person realizes that others have noticed his awkwardness. Therefore, people whose awkwardness is revealed by, for example, redness of the face look doubly embarrassed. They understand that they will not be able to hide their embarrassment, and they become even more confused. Yes, of course, it is very difficult to hide an involuntary reaction, but knowing about your natural ability to quickly fill with paint, you can always get out. At such moments, many desperately regret that they do not live in a magical world and that they do not have an invisibility hat. The most successful way, according to psychologists, is to admit that you are embarrassed: “Oh, I’m so ashamed that I’m late,” “I, of course, wildly apologize, but today I don’t have cash with me, you couldn’t pay for me at cafeteria? As soon as you admit it, your awkwardness will disappear. As soon as you express your state verbally, internal tension and embarrassment immediately disappear.
Rule No. 10
How to recognize gestures from the “I don’t believe you” category
Gestures of skepticism, distrust, and disbelief in your sincerity can be very easily calculated: they are almost always gestures of negativity and defense. Even if a person agrees with you verbally, but his posture, facial expressions, and gestures indicate the opposite, trust non-verbal language - it will reveal the person’s true thoughts to you.
The most common gestures indicating mistrust are defensive gestures - crossed arms, legs. The person says that he does not want to perceive the information that comes from you. A person can manipulate his ears - in a symbolic sense, he removes the noodles that you hang on him.
He may use prohibitory and warning gestures, as if to understand: “I understand that you are lying to me, I don’t believe you.” Your interlocutor may hint to you of his awareness by putting his hands to his mouth, as if saying: “Keep your mouth shut.” "This gesture has variations: a person can scratch his lips, mouth, ears. Another gesture of distrust is a negative shake of the head: even if he agrees with you, supports your point of view on a verbal level, he has something else on his mind.
Facial expressions also reveal your interlocutor’s skepticism. Distrust is written on the face, the man hides his eyes. He may smile skeptically or simply grin: one corner of his mouth is raised up, the other is lowered. Such a smile indicates that they do not believe you. What you say to him seems funny to him.
The fact that your deception is discovered, even if you are not going to be exposed, gives the person a feeling of superiority over you. Non-verbally, this can be expressed in a particularly condescending attitude and a reluctance to invade your personal space - a person of a “lower caste” who is capable of lying.
Some people have a developed sense of perceiving the world by smell; such people are very sensitive to lies. They can make it clear that they have seen through the deception by flaring their nostrils: “I smell something unclean here.”
Once you have received such nonverbal signals and interpreted them correctly, you need to change your tactics: either start telling the truth, or change your argumentation, using stronger and more convincing arguments. Perhaps after this your position will be perceived as truth.
Rule No. 11
How to recognize gestures from the “I’m scared” category
A person in a situation of fear, be it an upcoming parachute jump or a public speech, tries in every possible way to veil his fear. He begins to be brave and talk about his fearlessness, so it can be difficult to calculate fear by verbal signs. You will be able to determine the true state only if you are able to correctly decipher the non-verbal signals that he sends you.
When we are scared, we are usually ashamed of our fear. If a person experiences fear, he tries to behave more carefully, but at the same time he tries to hide his feelings. That is why for people experiencing fear, there is a standard non-verbal scheme that works in almost all cases, without exception. People experiencing fear try not to give themselves away, to drown out their fear, to cheer up, for this they use non-verbal signals.
Nonverbal signs of fear are a special category. They are united by the fact that a person in a situation of fear is not able to control his body, has no power over it. He may flinch completely for no reason when he hears a loud voice, or jump if you quietly approach him and pull him from behind - this indicates that the person is tense and perhaps afraid of something.
A person tries in every possible way to suppress the feeling of fear. For example, you are on an exam, and one of the students suddenly unnecessarily starts talking loudly, this means that he is experiencing strong fear, is trying to pull himself together and reduce his own fear.
A person in a frightened situation may suddenly start laughing. Let us remember an episode from the novel “Crime and Punishment” by F.M. Dostoevsky. Raskolnikov, meeting investigator Porfiry Petrovich for the first time, tries to provoke a comic effect by bursting into the office, laughing cheerfully, hoping to convince the investigator that he is going to the meeting without any fear. But Porfiry Petrovich, being an experienced psychologist, understands perfectly well that his suspect is only masking his condition with the help of ostentatious indifference and fearlessness.
A person experiencing fear may begin to whistle, hum a melody, or sing out loud. This is also a kind of attempt to relieve tension. When a person was just beginning to explore space, every pilot understood that his flight was a kind of game with death. Before the flight, when every step of the astronaut was filmed in order to later show people - “Look how fearless the Soviet cosmonauts are” - those who were about to fly sang to relieve stress and reduce their fear. Only close people understood how difficult it was for them to complete this building. They seemed bold and fearless, but from non-verbal signals, the way their lips trembled, the way their eyes shone dimly, those close to them guessed their true state.
Rule No. 12
How to recognize gestures from the “I’m nervous” category
By a person's gestures, facial expressions, and posture, you can easily understand that he is nervous. Even if he manages to control his speech, he tries to pull himself together and speaks relatively calmly, but non-verbal signals may indicate that his condition is out of the ordinary.
Gestures characteristic of a person who is very nervous are, as a rule, the following: fingering foreign objects, all kinds of scratching, stroking. Moreover, very often a person changes one gesture to another, trying to hide his nervousness. But it is precisely such a rapid change of non-verbal signals, a variety of gestures that reveals a state of nervousness.
If you notice that your interlocutor is constantly scratching his hands or face, this may mean that he is very nervous. Itching of the whole body is a physiological involuntary reaction of the body. When we are nervous, we feel slight discomfort, which can be expressed as itching, chills, or, on the contrary, a feeling of stuffiness. A person who is in a stressful situation may have a desire to undress or dress, despite the fact that the weather does not change. You should not miss such nonverbal signals; in this case, you need to understand why the person is nervous in your presence.
A person in a state of nervousness cannot concentrate his gaze on one object for a long time; he constantly looks around, assessing the situation, looks around, looks at those around him, his gaze wanders around the space, and cannot find shelter for himself. And even more so, you are unlikely to be able to catch his eye. If he looks at you, it won’t be for very long.
A person in a situation, for example, an exam or an upcoming important, but not very pleasant conversation, becomes a little inadequate and cannot control himself. If he has bad habits, then in a state of stress a person begins to resort to them to relieve stress. For example, if he smokes, he may even start smoking one cigarette after another. He may bite his nails or twirl his hair on his finger - anything to calm himself down. Bitten nails are a sign that a person is constantly nervous and cannot control himself.
Another clear signal of nervousness is a nervous tic, an involuntary reaction of the body. Due to strong internal tension, a person’s muscles first tense and then begin to contract. If you notice that your interlocutor's eyelid is twitching, this means that he is on the verge of a breakdown. It's better not to argue with him. Another involuntary reaction of our body is sweat. If a person has excessive sweating, then in a situation of stress, fear, and also lies, he will look like a runner who has run a cross-country race for two kilometers - all covered with droplets of sweat. There is also the “wet” palm syndrome: when meeting your interlocutor, you will understand that he is nervous if, after shaking his hand, you feel that his hands are wet.
Facial expressions reveal a nervous person: his face is almost always distorted by some kind of grimace, and in a state of stress, a change in facial expressions is typical. For example, if the examiner is in a positive mood and smiles in response to the words of his student, then the respondent himself breaks into a smile, but this is a nervous smile, which is bound by the desire to please. If the examiner does not look at the student at all, then the student’s face may change its color: from pale to red - this is fear and fear of failure at the same time.
If you find yourself in a stressful situation, you can not give yourself away by restoring your normal state. How can you control yourself? First of all, begin to control your speech, try not to deviate from the average pace, in this case you will be able to regain your composure. If the situation is out of the ordinary and it’s difficult for you not to show your condition, then try to come to your senses as quickly as possible - for example, stroking your hand can help you, you can ask for a time-out in order to calm down.
Rule No. 13
How to recognize gestures from the “I’m happy” category
In this chapter we will talk not only about the highest state of pleasure - happiness, but also about a positive mood in general, about those situations when a person experiences pleasure, when he is happy with the world around him, and is in a positive mood. How can you determine his positive attitude based on nonverbal signals?
A person can enter a state of euphoria after, for example, he has received what he has been seeking for so long. Thus, a person feels happiness if he learns about the reciprocity of the one he is in love with, if he enters the university he dreamed of, and receives praise from a respected person. Very often a person in this state becomes helpless and vulnerable because he is open. The state of happiness is the state of a person when he perceives the world around him as it is. Often in such situations a person has no control over his body at all.
It is very easy to determine from facial expressions that a person is in a positive mood. In a crowd of people, such a person can easily be identified by a wide smile “for no reason” - he seems to be remembering something: happiness is bursting, he cannot hide this joy.
Rule No. 14
How to recognize gestures from the category “I am sure that I am right”
Self-confidence is not only what a person says, but also how he says it. What intonations he uses, what gestures he uses, how he stands, how he walks, where he looks - all this can tell you that in front of you is a person who is confident in his rightness and strength. You can easily calculate confidence if you turn to nonverbal symbolism for help.
A confident person is characterized by bright, spontaneous gestures. You notice that your interlocutor often holds his hands in the chest area, but does not cross them - this is evidence of his confidence, a sense of superiority. A sign of such confidence can be the gesture of folded hands. You will never notice nervousness in the gestures of such a person. If a self-confident person uses an enumerating gesture, then it is usually addressed to the public, the interlocutor. Although it gives the appearance of energy output, it actually takes away your energy if you are a weaker person. And if you are not too confident in yourself, then you may suffer from communicating with such people; they may simply frighten you with their confidence. Therefore, it is important to identify such a person and be able to resist him.
A characteristic gesture of self-confidence is putting your hands behind your head. Some people consider it indecent. It not only allows you to completely open the chest area due to the maximum extension of the arms, but also exposes the armpit area, which is considered quite intimate. It's better not to use such a gesture. This type of confidence is similar to arrogance.
A person who is confident speaks in a special way, making the most of the capabilities of his voice. The voice is his main weapon. A person is able to control his voice, raise it when necessary, lower it to achieve his goals. But, as a rule, his voice is even, clear, there are small pauses between words, the tempo is unchanged. The words are like a drum roll: “I’m still stronger.” A person who is less confident in himself will definitely begin to doubt his victory, even if he was in it so sure.
A confident person always dresses neatly, but he very rarely indulges in excess. Pretentiousness - ruffles, bows and ribbons - are rather an exception in their wardrobe. They are strict in their clothing. However, they are capable of shocking: for example, opening some intimate areas in order to influence their interlocutor.
Such people are characterized by a boring gaze; they can keep you in their field of vision without lowering their eyes for long enough. This kind of staring game is necessary in order to find out which of you is stronger. If they want to get something from you, it’s as if they are trying to hypnotize you: they will never lower their eyes until they get their way. As soon as you notice that your interlocutor is trying to influence you in this way (to penetrate your soul), you must counteract his influence and put up some kind of barrier. You can leave your interlocutor for a while or put on dark glasses.
Rule No. 15
How to recognize gestures from the category “I am oppressed”
You can identify a person in a depressed state if you pay attention to what nonverbal means he uses. The state of depression and unhappiness can be determined by the use of negative and closed gestures, and reluctance to come into contact with others.
A depressed person uses a minimum of gestures, since he experiences a lack of energy, and gesturing requires a lot of energy. The head becomes very heavy from the abundance of negative emotions, so a person strives to support it in every possible way: it can rest on the palms, it can simply be tilted to the side or lowered down.
The look of a person with problems is usually absent. He is not interested in you or your affairs. He strives to take the most comfortable body position. The fact is that a person who suffers mentally understands that at the moment he cannot achieve spiritual harmony. But in order to increase his tone, to make himself feel good, he strives for external comfort. For example, if you found him sleeping in the fetal position (curled up), this indicates a high degree of his experiences. This position, which is as comfortable as possible for a person, recalls the most serene and happiest time of his life - when he was in the womb. If a person is sitting or standing, he strives to find support, lean on something, lean back in a chair to take a stable position. It seems that all his problems put real pressure on him, that he is bent under the weight of his own body, he is being pressed to the ground, his shoulders are drooping.
The facial expressions of a depressed person very eloquently testify to his condition: the corners of his mouth are lowered down, his eyelids are half-closed, it is difficult for him to move, he even speaks extremely reluctantly.
Rule No. 16
How to recognize gestures from the “I'm bored” category
It is important to recognize in time that you are boring your interlocutor in order to interrupt the conversation or turn it in a different direction. If you pay attention to how they listen to you, what kind of facial expression your companion has, what gestures he uses, how he sits, then you will accurately determine whether he enjoys communicating with you or not.
A bored, impassive look, an apathetic posture, an elongated face, a drooping jaw, slightly drooping eyelids are all signs of boredom. Have you noticed that your interlocutor is yawning? So you're not entertaining him very well. Such a gesture may be disguised or restrained. A person covers his mouth with his hand - this is evidence that he is running out of patience and can no longer listen to you.
A person who is bored may try to entertain himself in order to stay awake. Let's say he grabs objects that lie nearby, but completely unnecessarily. Nevertheless, these objects are the only entertainment: he can touch them, twist them, throw them up or perform other manipulations. Also, your companion can leaf through a book or magazine without the desire to find anything there. He can draw something on a piece of paper. If your listener writes down after you, and does it in great detail, including introductory words, and does not raise his head at all, this is also a signal: he is not even trying to think about what is being said, he is making a recording in order to at least occupy himself with something .
Your interlocutor may try to show verbal activity - ask questions, assent, but this is not always an absolute indicator of his interest. You will understand that the topic of conversation is indifferent to him by the slow pace of his speech and relaxed intonations in his voice.
The fact that a person does not enjoy your company can be indicated by his desire to leave, expressed non-verbally. This is evidenced by the following signals: your interlocutor constantly looks at the door, his body, the toes of his feet are facing towards the exit. A person may demonstratively fidget with his briefcase, fiddle with the lock on it, fasten and unfasten the zipper - all these are signs of boredom that indicate his readiness to leave at any moment.
To express your intention to leave at any time, your interlocutor can take off his glasses and put them in the case. This means that he has already listened to you, your arguments are clear, you should either summarize your conversation or move on to a more interesting question.
If a person is bored, he tries to take the most comfortable position for him, gradually find some kind of support, he is relaxed, inattentive to your words. If your interlocutor is sitting, then evidence that he is bored will be his “spreading” across the table. Posture is an indicator of the level of attention. A person in a relaxed position is unable to perceive information.
HOW TO DETECT A CHEATER BY NONVERBAL SIGNALS?
Rule No. 17
Be wary if his mouth is shut
Detecting a lie can be difficult, especially if the liar is a professional. But if you are extremely attentive to the signals that his subconscious gives out, you will easily cope with the task.
A liar, no matter how hard he tries to hide his lies, can still be recognized: he is betrayed by the discrepancy between the microsignals of the subconscious, manifested in gestures, and the words spoken.
A person is so programmed that his reaction to a lie is always negative, even if it is his own lie. It does not happen that a person lies while remaining completely calm. Let us remember the sayings: “He lies and doesn’t blink an eye,” “He lies and doesn’t blush.” Of course, in this case we are talking about people who brilliantly know how to hide their lies, disguise their fiction, and know how to cope with the involuntary reactions of their body. But even if we are dealing with an experienced deceiver, he will not be able to hide all the signs of a lie.
If your interlocutor uses gestures associated with bringing his hands closer to your face, then this should alert you: perhaps he has something bad in mind. It could be doubt, uncertainty, foreboding. But most often this is some exaggeration of the actual fact or an outright lie. What gestures can give away the interlocutor if he is clearly lying?
When we observe or hear others telling lies or lying, we try to cover our mouth, eyes or ears with our hands. Protecting one's mouth with one's hand is one of the few overt gestures that clearly indicates a lie. The hand covers the mouth and the thumb is pressed against the cheek, as it sends a signal to hold back the words spoken. Some people try to fake cough to disguise this gesture. If such a gesture is used by the interlocutor at the time of speech, this indicates that he is telling a lie. However, if he covers his mouth with his hand while you speak and he listens, this means he understands that you are lying.
Touching your nose is a subtle, disguised variation of the previous gesture. It can be expressed in several light touches to the dimple under the nose or be expressed by one quick, almost imperceptible touch to the nose.
This gesture is explained as follows: the liar has a ticklish urge on the nerve endings of his nose, and really wants to scratch it. When you see that the other person is lying, you can ask him to repeat or clarify what he said. This will make the deceiver refuse to continue his cunning game.
If a person blinks frequently, then he is lying.
Rule No. 18
The subconscious is always against lies
Even an experienced deceiver cannot control his subconscious. It usually reveals untruths. Therefore, you need to be extremely attentive to the microsignals of the subconscious.
Pay attention to the left side of the human body. It is the left side - the left hand, the left leg, the left half of the face - that reveals true emotions. This can be explained quite simply. The fact is that emotions are very difficult to control in the process of deception. If a person is disingenuous, then he is internally tense; this tension can be obvious, or it can be hidden. But, one way or another, there are signals that indicate a person’s excitement, even if he tries in every possible way to veil it.
You should look for such signals on the left side of the human body. The right side is the most controlled. We pay more attention to what is happening on our right side. For example, if we notice that our right hand is behaving, to put it mildly, not quite “correctly”, revealing our nervousness or deception, then we can force it to calm down. But the left side of our body is not always under conscious control.
Recent studies have explained this by saying that the left and right sides of the body are controlled by different hemispheres of the brain. The left hemisphere controls speech and intellectual activity, the right hemisphere controls emotions, imagination and sensory activities. Control connections cross: the work of the left hemisphere is reflected on the right side, which is more controlled. Therefore, everything that a person tries to demonstrate to others is displayed on the right half of his body, and what he actually experiences is displayed on the left.
So, what non-verbal signals can give away a deceiver? If you notice that your interlocutor’s left hand is constantly dangling out of place, describing circles or other figures in the air, and completely without any meaning, then this may mean that your interlocutor is not too frank with you, the left hand, thus, betrays its owner. A similar “informer” on its not entirely sincere owner can be the left leg, which depicts figures, lines and other insignificant elements on the sand or asphalt.
Rule No. 19
Keep eye contact
You can always determine whether your interlocutor is sincere with you if you look him straight in the eye. If your interlocutor hides his eyes, this is the first sign that there is a lie in his words.
There are small nuances that you must take into account if you want to bring your interlocutor to clean water. When analyzing your partner's gaze, pay attention to where he turns his eyes. The deceiver has a single goal - he wants you to believe him, so he does not lower his eyes down, but looks away. If he wants, he can look at you again to determine whether his tricks worked. If your interlocutor’s eyes are downcast, then most likely he is simply awkward in your company. If your interlocutor looks up, this is a sign that he is thoughtful.
If you doubt the sincerity of your interlocutor, and the evidence is not enough, try conducting an investigative experiment to establish the truth. Stare at your interlocutor for a minute. If he holds your gaze and does not try to look away, then he is not deceiving you. If he avoids your gaze, constantly looking with his eyes for a place to hide, then most likely he is being disingenuous.
Looking your interlocutor straight in the eye is very difficult. You yourself may feel uncomfortable, awkward, and try to look away. If you can't make eye contact, then you can use a little trick: direct your gaze to the tip of your interlocutor's nose. It will seem to him that you are looking him straight in the eyes. In this way, you can easily identify a liar, provided, of course, that he himself does not own such a technique and is not trying to deceive you.
A person can hide a lie in another way. A well-known trick of experienced liars: in order to maintain the gaze of your interlocutor, you need to blink actively, more often than simple physiological needs require. This way you can withstand the gaze for as long and intently as you like, even if your conscience is not very clear. Be careful about such active blinking.
Another trick that a deceiver can use is the so-called “sly look.” He deliberately narrows his eyes to meet your gaze. At the same time, a person may smile cloyingly and try to mislead you about his sincerity.
Rule No. 20
Look for emotions on the left
This chapter will focus on the least controlled side of the human face - the left side. We will talk about how you can identify a deceiver by facial reactions.
Artists and photographers have long known that the human face is asymmetrical, causing the left and right sides of our face to reflect emotions differently. On the left side of the face it is more difficult to hide feelings. Positive emotions are reflected more evenly on both sides of the face, negative emotions are clearly expressed on the left side. The sincerity of human emotion is usually indicated by symmetry in the display of feelings on the face. The stronger the falsehood, the more different the facial expressions on the right and left halves are. In short, if one side of the face is more distorted than the other, the person is definitely lying.
When you have doubts about whether your interlocutor is truthful, then turn to the left side of his face for an answer. If you notice a certain dissonance and disharmony in his facial expressions, this may be evidence of his insincerity. For example, a person smiles at you, but you notice that the left corner of the mouth is raised less than the right corner, the so-called smile asymmetry. This is a sure sign of the insincerity of your interlocutor, and we call such a smile a grin. It has a special meaning: your opponent shows you that you are in his power, that you cannot do anything.
If, for example, one eyebrow of your interlocutor is straightened and lies flat, without expressing emotions, and at this time the other (usually the left) is raised, or brought down to the bridge of the nose, this may also be a sign of your interlocutor’s deceit.
Subconsciously or consciously, a person can hide the left side of his face. Let's say, he specifically turns to you with his right side, while covering the “treacherous” left. This is done so that you do not figure out deception from his involuntary reactions.
There are several more facial nuances that indicate that a person is deceiving. Pay attention to the tip of the nose: the tip of the nose of a liar can move, it can move the nose to the side.
Pay attention to whether the person's smile matches his gaze. If you notice that a person is laughing, but his eyes are not, this can only mean one thing - the person is hiding something from you.
Rule No. 21
Watch for involuntary reactions
A person can pull himself together and begin to control his own body, monitor gestures, posture, and facial expressions. However, involuntary reactions of the body are very difficult to hide. They are the ones who can give away deception, even if in front of you is an experienced liar.
It is by the involuntary reactions of the body that truth is distinguished from fiction on a lie detector test. You, too, can become a more or less accurate detector if you learn to notice these involuntary reactions during a conversation. The detector picks up the slightest deviations from the norm - changes in heart rate (usually increased frequency), holding your breath. Using these indicators, it is very easy to determine whether a person is lying or telling the truth.
How to determine the truth without a lie detector? Involuntary reactions include: redness and paleness of the face, increased heart rate, and shortness of breath. The most noticeable pulse zones are the veins in the arms, wrists, and arteries. If a person's pulse quickens, this can be determined by the fact that his tie begins to pulsate.
The person turned red or turned white, and this may also mean that he is not sincere with you. Moreover, when a person turns pale, it is a sign of fear (fear of being exposed). If he blushes, this is a sign of shame for his deception. A person who doesn’t lie too often can change his complexion right before his eyes – he will turn red or white.
A person who is cheating may suddenly begin to choke. His breathing quickens due to lack of air. A liar is characterized by spasmodic movements of the throat and reflex swallowing of saliva. Or, on the contrary, from strong excitement before possible exposure, his throat may become dry, and he will ask for a drink. All these involuntary reactions are characteristic of a person who is not very skilled in deception and is very worried. If your interlocutor is an experienced liar, then identifying him will not be so easy. His excitement will be much less, and the body’s voluntary reactions will be more invisible, so you will need to try hard to detect deception.
WHO IS IN FRONT OF YOU: A BOSS OR A SUBJECT?
Rule No. 22
The hand of power
A person who is used to managing uses special gestures. With the help of non-verbal signals, he says that he is in charge here and needs to be obeyed. All his actions and gestures are aimed at seizing leadership. If he has a weak opponent in front of him, he will easily achieve his goal. In order to resist such an opponent, you need to master techniques to neutralize his influence.
A person who strives to seize leadership can be identified by the way he greets, how he offers his hand for greeting. If he throws his hand forward so that his hand is on top, this means that he is used to dominating and is trying to demonstrate his strength.
How to resist such pressure from your opponent? You can grab the offered hand by the wrist and shake it. There is a gentler form of neutralizing this display of authority. You can cover the serving hand with your other hand.
During the handshake, the struggle for leadership continues. Here the one who holds his hand longer wins, the one who takes it away first loses. A person who is used to managing has a “death grip” - a very strong and long handshake.
The gestures used by a person determined to gain leadership are very clear, strict, without excesses. His desire to control others can be manifested in the following gesture: there is an object in his hand, and the “boss” uses it as a pointer. This could be a pen, glasses or any other object that your interlocutor can manipulate and emphasize meaningful words. He acts as a teacher, an expert, explaining to others what to do and how to behave.
The fact that a person feels superior is indicated by an eloquent gesture - arms crossed on the chest with thumbs up. This double signal means, on the one hand, a negative attitude towards you, and on the other, a feeling of superiority over you. An interlocutor who feels that he dominates you may clasp his hands and rotate his fingers around each other. If a person is standing, then at this moment he can sway on his heels - this is also a kind of position of superiority: a person is so confident in everything that he can allow himself such uncomfortable, unstable positions as the position on his toes or heels.
Another gesture that conveys overconfidence and a sense of dominance over you is placing your hands behind your back and grabbing your wrists. A sign of confidence and self-satisfaction is the use of the “house” gesture, as well as placing your hands behind your head. There are several ways to bring down your interlocutor's arrogance. You can lean forward and ask: “I see: you know this.” If it doesn’t work, try to get him to change his smug pose to a more neutral one by offering to look at some picture or illustration, ask your interlocutor: “Have you seen this?” This will make him change his position, lean towards you.
Rule No. 23
Looking down
A person who feels superior to his interlocutor always looks down on him with a special look. He demonstrates his superiority with the help of a whole complex of facial expressions.
A look from above has nothing to do with differences in the height of the interlocutors. A person who is not tall, but at the same time has the lion's share of self-confidence, can look at his tall, but less confident interlocutor the way a boss looks at a subordinate. This is the view of self-confident people who have remarkable leadership qualities, are successful in life and, possibly, occupy high positions.
Let's figure out what is special about the look of a person who knows his worth. Firstly, he will never look at you with his eyes wide open. For him, you are not such an important bird to pay attention to you. Therefore, as a rule, a person who feels superior looks through the narrow slits of half-lowered eyelids. With this look, he expresses some disdain for his interlocutor. Sometimes it has another meaning - skepticism, an assessment of your capabilities.
If you do not know the leader closely, then you are unlikely to be given their glance at all. First you have to earn his attention, attract him somehow. But rest assured that they will study you, evaluate you, look askance at you in order to conclude how dangerous an opponent you are.
The face of a person who is confident in his abilities always expresses a certain standard set of facial expressions. He may smile at you when you meet, but this smile is usually of a formal nature. It does not express a person’s sincere joy at meeting you, but is a sign of superiority, arrogance, appreciation, and skepticism. When smiling, your interlocutor may stretch his lips, but the corners of his mouth will not be raised, only stretched in different directions.
Arrogant people, accustomed to managing, are characterized by a bored look. While you are stating the essence of your request or making some offer to him, your interlocutor can pretend that he is not interested - during the conversation he can study the surrounding situation.
Rule No. 24
Swift gait
A person who is confident in himself is characterized by a special gait and posture. You can immediately determine who is in front of you - a boss or a subordinate, if you pay attention to these important non-verbal signals that can tell a lot about a person.
Character is inherent in gait: a person walks the way he is used to acting. For example, he is used to getting his way at all costs, which means he will walk cheerfully, quickly, waving his arms. Even if he is just walking, he is unlikely to walk slowly, because he is used to doing everything on the run, he simply does not have time for a slow walking step. This man's steps are very long. He is always impetuous, goes towards his goal and achieves it in two steps.
A person who is used to managing people is also used to managing his body. He walks smoothly, he has an elastic, even step, all movements are confident and clear. If some kind of obstacle arises on his way - a puddle, mud, then he is unlikely to bypass this obstacle, unless, of course, it is surmountable. Most likely, he will jump over it, do the same thing he always does with difficulties - overcome it.
A slow, hesitant gait speaks of a completely different type of character. Most likely, this person is used to obeying, he walks carefully, his arms are stretched out at his sides. He chooses drier places, and if he nevertheless encounters a huge puddle on the asphalt, he tries to avoid it further. He constantly looks around, does this more out of habit than out of necessity. He constantly feels danger. Such people, as a rule, have postural defects - they may slouch. This gait is characteristic of a person who is looking for easy ways and strives for a calm and prosperous life.
Rule No. 25
Face without emotions
A person develops a feeling of self-confidence when he has succeeded in something. As a rule, self-confident people have considerable experience, have seen a lot and know a lot, which is why they are characterized by a certain facial calm.
An experienced manager knows what body language is and that the use of signs of non-verbal communication can harm him and reveal his true motives. That is why such people are extremely careful in using facial signals that speak about their experiences. They know how to control their facial expressions, and you can very rarely see the reflection of true emotions on their face.
It can be very difficult to determine what is on their mind, what they feel, how they treat you, whether they agree with your opinion, whether they will make concessions. But you can still figure out the true motives for the behavior of such secretive people if you are extremely attentive to facial nonverbal signals.
Pay attention to implicit facial expressions, hidden emotions, and involuntary reactions. Conduct an experiment: test a person. Make him an offer that is unlikely to suit him, and perhaps even anger him, and watch what emotions are reflected on his face. How will he react to such a proposal? How will he express his dislike? For example, anger can be reflected on the face in the following way: a person will wince and move his nose. These may be subtle facial reactions, but you should note them to yourself. Then try to soften your proposal as much as possible, offer something that, in your opinion, the interlocutor will definitely like. And watch how he expresses positive emotions. Pleasure can be expressed in the form of a half-smile, a sparkle in the eyes, raising the eyebrows, or otherwise. Thus, you will learn to determine a person’s mood, read his thoughts, and track his emotions. When you make a real proposal, you will simply need to observe the reaction of your interlocutor to determine the opinion: whether he shows involuntary reactions that indicate satisfaction, or those that indicate displeasure.
Rule No. 26
Attention! I speak
A person who is accustomed to managing, successful in business, knows how to use the gift of speech professionally, not only because he correctly and competently expresses his thoughts, but also because he skillfully manipulates his voice in order to convince his opponents. Voice is a leader's main weapon.
The leader, as a rule, has a defined voice. During their lives, people with leadership qualities have often had to attract the attention of others, speak publicly, and they know how to do it correctly. A leader has control over his voice and has undoubted oratorical talent. Perhaps in the past he performed on the stage of an amateur theater or student KVN.
He knows when to raise his voice to be heard and when to speak a little lower to attract the audience's attention. If a person has a raised voice, then this indicates that he is more inclined to control than to obey.
In addition, a powerful person always speaks at an average pace. He does not speed up the pace of speech in order to fool you, but speaks in a rhythm that is convenient for your perception, because he is confident in himself, in his words, and wants you to believe him. A slow pace is not typical for such people; they never “mumble.” They correctly place accents and pauses where necessary. By these signs, you can easily distinguish a leader from a person accustomed to obeying.
NONVERBAL SIGNALS OF ATTRACTION (SYMPATHY)
Rule No. 27
Look for the truth in your eyes
You can understand that another person likes you by looking more closely into his clear eyes. If these eyes are really clear, then you can safely count your interlocutor among your fans. In this chapter we will talk about how to determine by looking at you that another person likes you.
There are hidden and open forms of manifestation of sympathy. The hidden form is used when a person is afraid of being deceived by you, afraid that he will not get reciprocity from you. But, despite his fear, he strives to contact you, strives to be near you and look at you. Very often, if a person hides his sympathy, then he looks at the object of adoration furtively, unnoticed. If your eyes intersect at any moment, he immediately looks away.
If a person openly shows sympathy for you, then in his gaze you can read interest, respect, the question: “How do you feel about me?” In this case, a person’s eyes are wide open, the pupils are usually dilated. There is no hostility or other negative emotions in his gaze.
Male and female views of sympathy are very different from each other. Women are more creative. It was the female representatives who gave rise to the art of “shooting with eyes.” It is the lady, as a rule, who is the first to start an innocent game of staring, which, if successful, turns into a whirlwind romance. Let's look at how women and men send each other visual signals of sympathy.
Male signals of attraction. In order to determine from a man’s gaze whether he likes you, pay attention to where he is looking. A man, expressing sympathy, examines the object from head to toe. To begin with, he notes for himself your general attractiveness, then he moves lower, lingering his gaze on the areas of the chest and hips if you appear to be the happy owner of forms worthy of his attention. If a man begins to show interest in you, this is expressed by the dilation of his pupils and increased frequency of eye contacts.
Women's views of attraction. Girls look differently. They are characterized by a sideways, furtive glance. If at the same time they meet the gaze of the object of their sighs, then, as a rule, they look away and blush. For girls, holding their gaze on a man is considered not very decent, so they try to watch the object of their dreams secretly while he is not looking. The girl begins to examine her potential beau from bottom to top, this makes her different from men. This direction has a double meaning. On the one hand, she musters up the courage to look the man she likes in the eyes, and on the other hand, for a woman, the most desirable moment is the moment when two eyes meet.
Rule No. 28
Sympathy is hidden in gestures
Gestures of sympathy are very diverse and interesting. Each person has his own individual set of gestures, with the help of which he attracts the attention of the person he likes.
We have already noted that male and female gestures of sympathy are very different from each other. Of course, women's nonverbal signals are much more varied and interesting than men's. There are also universal gestures that are used by representatives of both sexes to express or, on the contrary, hide their sympathy.
If, for example, a person doubts the reciprocity of his chosen one, then his gestures are characterized by caution. If by accident or intentionally a person touches his secret admirer, he, in turn, will immediately withdraw his hand, as if he had been burned. This does not happen by chance: hiding his sympathy and affection, a person is afraid of contact with the one he likes, because he is afraid that he will not control his instincts and will give himself away completely.
Men usually express sympathy in the following way. To begin with, they try to attract the attention of the woman they like, they begin to preen themselves in her presence: they smooth their hair, straighten their tie, cufflinks, shirt, straighten their collar, jacket, brush off a non-existent speck of dust from their shoulder or dandruff.
A man can use the following eloquent gesture: place his thumbs behind the belt in the abdominal area to focus attention on his genital area; stand with your hands on your hips, your body turned towards the woman, with your toes pointed towards her.
The girl strives to show the man that she likes him using the following gestures and poses. She may touch her hair for no reason, adjust her clothes or makeup in the presence of the person she likes. One of the striking gestures of sympathy is the following gesture: a woman turns her wrists towards a man to show her smooth and delicate skin (for example, while smoking, she holds a cigarette at the level of her neck or shoulders, exposing her wrist towards the man she is interested in). While walking, a woman can sway her hips quite openly to demonstrate her charms.
If a meeting with a man takes place in an informal setting, for example, in a bar or at a disco, then the woman may resort to very overt gestures. She tries to sit in such a way that her legs are visible to her chosen one. During the conversation, she wiggles her shoe on her toes, crosses her legs so that they line up in one line, aimed at the woman’s object of interest. If the man is not too far from the woman, then the latter can slowly intertwine her legs in front of the man’s eyes and also slowly return them back position, gently stroking the thighs with the hand, often while the woman speaks in a quiet, low voice.
Rule No. 29
Did they smile at you? It means they like you
A smile is not always a 100% indicator of sympathy. A smile can be a sign that a person needs something from you: he is trying to please you and then use his influence. How to distinguish a smile of true sympathy from other types of smiles?
A smile that expresses sympathy cannot be confused with anything. It is always symmetrical: both corners of the mouth are equally raised upward. Sympathy can be expressed either by an open smile (with exposed teeth) or by a more restrained closed smile. If a person shows you his teeth, then he makes it clear that he feels completely calm in your company, he has nothing to hide. If the smile is sincere, then the person’s gaze is sincere, bright, radiating a smile.
If you notice an asymmetry in a smile (one corner of the mouth is lower than the other, or one corner is lowered, the other is raised), then this may be a sign of insincerity in your interlocutor. If your companion's eyes do not laugh, while a smile shines on his face, it means that he has some selfish intentions, he wants to deceive you.
The fact that a person treats you well, sympathizes with you, is indicated not only by a smile, but also by laughter. If a person laughs in your presence, then he treats you kindly, is not shy about exposing his emotions to you, and being open. A person's openness is a sign of sympathy.
A smile can be ironic. This is usually a crooked smile, with the head tilted to the side and one eye may be squinted. Such a smile is also a sign of sympathy. This is a good irony, the person treats you well, but at the moment you may look comical. Do not confuse an ironic smile with a sarcasm smile; this is a sign that your interlocutor does not respect you and is openly laughing at you. Such a smile will have a greater curvature, and a person may develop a squint that is unusual for him. It is necessary to distinguish an open smile from a grin, which is a sign of hidden aggression and negativity. Its distinctive feature: a person exposes all his teeth, including the lower jaw.
There is another danger: your interlocutor may copy your smile without experiencing a feeling of sincere sympathy for you. This can be easily determined. If your companion smiles only when you do, it means that he is simply trying to mislead you in order to use your good-natured mood to achieve his own selfish goals.
Remember that the absence of a smile does not indicate a lack of sympathy for you. If your interlocutor looks at you gloomily, never smiling, then do not rush to immediately accuse him of antipathy, it is possible that he is simply hiding his sincere attitude towards you, or he is simply such an unsmiling person.
Rule No. 30
“And he speaks as if he sings”
You can easily determine whether your interlocutor likes you or not if you listen carefully to the way he speaks. Very often the true attitude towards a person is revealed by a voice.
Women have developed a certain standard for expressing sympathy using their voices. If she likes a man, she changes her natural, ordinary voice, begins to speak lower, sometimes even hoarsely. This is a sign of sexual attraction to your partner. The pace of speech is slow enough for a man to be able to perceive the information, in addition, it is a kind of signal that it sends to the male libido, a kind of verbal hypnosis: “Pay attention to how beautiful I am.” Very often, a woman’s voice has melodious intonations; she speaks as if she were singing. If a girl is embarrassed to express her true attitude towards a man, afraid of being rejected, then her voice is characterized by completely different intonations: her voice may tremble, the pace of speech will be very fast, during the conversation she may be tormented by involuntary spasms in her throat, which in itself is a sign of great excitement. In addition, the girl may try (in vain) to control her voice.
Men express their desire to conquer a girl a little differently. Their voice, in a conversation with a girl they like, is similar to the cry of a male in a fight for a female, no matter how cynical it may sound. Animal instincts awaken in a man, this manifests itself in his voice. They give a kind of cry, which means: “This is my prey.” With all potential competitors, he will be quite harsh, perhaps even rude in his handling. As for the conversation with the one to whom he intends to give his heart, here we have the right to compare the man’s voice with a song. He begins to use his brightest vocal capabilities and tries to demonstrate himself in all his glory. If he owns an instrument and can sing well, he will definitely find an opportunity to demonstrate his talent. His voice becomes tender, soft, velvety, similar to the sounds of an unprecedented, outlandish instrument, very gentle and melodic sounding.
NONVERBAL SIGNALS OF AGGRESSION
Rule No. 31
Will "in the fist"
It is very important to be able to identify an aggressive person based on non-verbal signals. By aggression we will understand not only the direct impact of force, but also a negative attitude and a focus on confrontation.
The main gesture of aggression is a hand clenched into a fist. This gesture can have varying degrees of aggression. If the hands of your interlocutor are stretched out at the seams, while both are clenched into fists, then this is a sign of increasing negativity in a person; he is preparing for a fight. If the fists gradually rise, reaching chest level, then this is an alarming factor. The person has taken a fighting stance, prepared to kick, and only a few seconds remain before an open manifestation of aggression. If your interlocutor’s fists begin to “itch” - he rubs the fingers of one hand with the other hand clenched into a fist, then he is also negatively disposed towards you.
If your interlocutor wraps his arms around his shoulders, this is a sign of pent-up aggression. This means that a person is ready to rush into battle, but is trying to restrain himself. If you do not intend to engage in a duel with him, then, seeing such a gesture, you must change your negotiation tactics: change the topic, change the tone.
A characteristic gesture for a person who is aggressive towards you is to put your hands behind your back and grab your wrist. This one is cruel, since it is invisible to the interlocutor; if a person removes his hands behind his back, then it seems that he is hiding something from you, perhaps this is a weapon for the upcoming fight. But even without a weapon, this gesture, in itself, is very dangerous and means that the person clearly has bad intentions.
In order to smooth out the aggressive mood of your interlocutor, you can use the following non-verbal means. Firstly, try to reduce the distance between you, use tactile influence - touch the person. Remember, all your actions and movements must be extremely slow so that your interlocutor does not take them for an attack on your part. Remember also that if he is “unconditionally” aggressive, that is, plans a fight in advance regardless of your behavior, then no means will help you. You should think about how to interrupt your conversation and go to a safe place, giving him the opportunity to take out his aggression on someone else.
Rule No. 32
Pose of belligerence
A person who is aggressive is characterized by a special posture, posture and gait. These non-verbal signs will be able to give away their belligerent owner. Your task is to be able to decipher them.
A warrior’s pose can indicate a person’s aggressive attitude: a person spreads his legs wide in order to feel confident, so that there is support under his feet. His body is slightly tilted forward. As a rule, he tries to cover certain parts of his body in case you start attacking first. These areas are the most vulnerable places for a person. For men, this is the groin area, nose, jaw. In women (although such a clear manifestation of aggression among women is not so popular, it is still possible) - this is the chest area and face.
An aggressive gait is very bright - a person steps very widely, sometimes even jumps to quickly get to his goal, while actively waving his arms, sometimes he can start running - this is a sign of a high degree of tension.
If you suspect your interlocutor of bad intentions, you should pay attention to his posture. If your suspicions are correct, then your interlocutor is not standing straight, stretched to his full height. He sat up a little, pressed his head into his shoulders - he grew into the ground, became compact, and now it’s convenient for him to strike. If you are sitting, then your interlocutor can stretch his neck forward and throw his shoulders back. Moreover, his head will be slightly tilted so that his forehead, the hardest part of his head, will be directed towards you, ready to take your blow.
Rule No. 33
Predator's look
If a person does not try to hide negative emotions, then they are very easy to detect by facial expressions. It quite eloquently reflects the emotional mood. How to determine that your interlocutor is aggressive?
Aggression is a kind of defensive reaction of the body. A person begins to show aggression as soon as he realizes that he is much inferior to you in some things. This can be a product of anger, hatred, envy. Perhaps your interlocutor is weaker than you in the art of thief, does not have the talent of persuasion, understands his intellectual inferiority, therefore, in the absence of other arguments, he has a desire to defeat you in a way available to him - with the help of force.
The facial expressions of aggression are very active - these are eyebrows shifted towards the bridge of the nose, flaring nostrils, swaying cheekbones, sometimes grinding teeth, very tightly compressed lips. These are facial signs that your interlocutor is very aggressive. These facial signals are not always reflected on the face all together; most often there are one or two signs. If you notice at least one of the above signals on the face of your interlocutor, be wary - he is not very happy with you.
Pay special attention to your gaze. An aggressive person's gaze eloquently tells that its owner is ready to tear his opponent to pieces. This is a very heavy, piercing gaze, the way a predator looks at its prey, preparing to attack.
Rule No. 34
Verbal duel
A person's aggressive attitude can be determined by the way he speaks to you. His words are like blows: sharp, clear sounds, between which there are quite long pauses. Reluctance to enter into dialogue with you can also be a manifestation of hidden aggression.
If a person is aggressive, he usually increases the volume of his voice. And he does this unconsciously, either to provoke you into actions that are beneficial to him, or to intimidate you. Perhaps your opponent does not have competent verbal argumentation, so he tries to explain his point of view in other ways, that is, he resorts not to the power of words, but to the volume of his voice.
He tries to explain his point of view “intelligibly”, at a slow pace. As a rule, he fails to do this. In fact, he is provoking you, trying, as they say, to “get at you”: “Am I explaining this unclearly?” All this is done in order to frighten the interlocutor and gain an advantage before the fight. He will try to provoke, using disdainful, sarcastic intonations, chuckles, and grins.
An aggressive person is characterized by a lowering of the timbre of the voice, the use of lower tones, intonations, and sometimes hoarseness. Such voice changes also have the goal of scaring the interlocutor.
Sometimes aggression does not have time to escalate into a fight, and the person breaks down screaming. A person holding back aggression is in a state of high tension. If you never gave him a reason to use force, then this will not reduce his tension. And he still needs a release. Very often this release occurs in the form of a scream. This is also a kind of non-verbal form of outlet for aggression. If he breaks into a scream, he is unlikely to use force against you. He simply didn't have the strength to fight. In such a situation, it is better for you to wait until his anger subsides and he calms down.
You can try to relieve your interlocutor's tension with non-verbal cues. Use the power of your voice to calm him down, to defuse him. You should speak slowly, gently, affectionately, as if to lull him, to lull his vigilance. You can say whatever you want, for example, insist on your opinion, which unbalanced him, but based on non-verbal signals he should read the following: “Don’t be afraid of me. I am your friend. Calm down. Don't worry. It’s better to be friends with me - it’s more profitable.” If you are able to correctly use your vocal capabilities, then your aggressive interlocutor will submit to you, moderate his ardor, and his aggression will go away or be turned in a different direction.
HOW TO USE NONVERBAL LANGUAGE KNOWLEDGE IN PRACTICE?
Rule No. 35
How to hide deception?
You can hide lies and convince your interlocutor that you are sincere with him if you learn to control your body. It is important to choose those gestures and facial expressions that will not give the interlocutor any new information other than what you give him verbally, then you will master the art of manipulation.
Pay attention to the gestures you use in everyday life - they are your main traitor, they betray your thoughts and feelings. Almost anyone will figure out your deception if you keep your hands to your mouth and hide your eyes. Even a child knows these bright signals of lies. Therefore, be careful - do not do anything that could reveal your deception. In order not to give yourself away, you must very strictly monitor your hands, body, and facial expressions. Follow the rule: no unnecessary movements. At first it will be very difficult to do without our hands, because we are so accustomed to helping ourselves non-verbally in the process of speaking that it will be very difficult to get rid of this habit. But you have to force yourself, otherwise you will be found out.
It is difficult to unlearn gesturing and changing facial expressions, but realistically, it will be even more difficult to learn to hide the involuntary reactions of your body. These include holding your breath, increased heart rate, and body trembling. There are techniques that allow you to hide these signs of deception.
You must train your body so that it does not betray your deception. Ask one of your loved ones or friends to take a lie detector test at home. Your partner should be very close to you and monitor your pulse with their hand on your wrist. Let him control you in everything, monitor your breathing, changes in facial expressions. Then he asks you some questions. The first two or three questions should be the most basic ones, for example, “What is your favorite dish?”, “Are you a lark or an owl?”, which you can answer without difficulty. But the next question is provocative, for example: “Have you ever lied to your friends?” You are unlikely to answer this question without changing your face. The list of questions must be unknown to you, otherwise the experiment will lose its meaning. Continue the experiment until your interlocutor stops noticing changes in your condition. You can train long enough until you learn to control your body. You may not be able to fool a real lie detector, but you will be able to hide your deception from a living person.
Rule No. 36
How to protect yourself from attacks from others
You can protect yourself from attacks from others by using nonverbal gestures of defense. As soon as you feel a threat from others, be it manipulation, aggression, negative emotions, you need to take action.
In order to repel an attack from a manipulator or an aggressive person, you must first of all keep your distance and not let a dangerous person into your personal space. You can maintain your independence and avoid his influence if you leave in time or manage to keep him far away from you. Let’s say that upon meeting a person expects to greet you and thus invade your space, and you are sure that he has bad intentions, for example, he decided to deceive or outwit you, you should in any possible way dodge a hug or kiss, not allow the ill-wisher into your intimate zone.
Do not allow a person who has bad intentions to make nonverbal familiarities such as a pat on the shoulder or a ruffle on the cheek. Try to avoid this kind of contact. You can accept signs of attention from him, but do it very carefully so as not to fall under his influence.
If you feel that a threat is coming from a person, you should look away and direct your gaze to another object. The fact is that prolonged eye contact with such a person is very dangerous, because an experienced manipulator can hypnotize you and convince you of something against your will. Therefore, try to look away and not look closely at your interlocutor.
You can let the person know that you do not intend to obey him and do not want to engage in a long, frank conversation with him. To do this, you can use closed gestures: cross your arms over your chest or put them in your pockets. You can make it clear to your interlocutor that you are not eager to continue the conversation by constantly looking at your watch.
Rule No. 37
How to make an impression at a meeting
As they say, we meet you based on your clothes and see you off based on your mind. Before you even start speaking, you are already being assessed. You can gain the trust of your interlocutor if you learn to use those non-verbal means that can tell only good things about you.
To make an impression, remember a few rules. First rule. Appearance: you should be neat, restrained in details, not too pedantic. If you are in doubt which style to choose, then opt for the classic option - this is always a win-win option. Pay special attention to accessories, they are the ones who make your style unique and speak about your individuality.
You can rehearse your appearance in front of the mirror - practice your gait and greeting. Do you want to make an impression? Nothing is simpler. Learn to walk correctly. Previously, in order to make their gait and posture beautiful, girls wore jugs of water on their heads. Nowadays, this tradition is outdated. But a similar technique can be used, not only for girls and women, but also for representatives of the stronger sex. Place several books on your head and walk around so that these books do not fall. You should achieve the following effect: when moving quickly, not a single book will fall off your head. You can gradually increase the load.
A woman's gait is her personality. It can tell a lot about its owner. For example, active wagging of her hips indicates that the girl is too frivolous and is trying to attract the attention of men. If a girl walks like a steadfast tin soldier, she is most likely unfriendly and unkind. A woman’s gait should be soft, smooth, with a “panther plasticity before the jump.” If your gait is not good enough, you should correct it. Marilyn Monroe's method is known, and many men lost their heads from her gait. Remember that it is heels that make a woman a woman. If you don't wear heels, then it's time to start. There is a legend that Marilyn Monroe had a heel on one of her shoes that was slightly lower than the other, so because of this inconvenience she had to walk very slowly, smoothly swaying her hips.
A man should have a confident gait, with a long stride, but without swinging his arms. It is advisable to stand firmly on your feet in order to give the impression of a confident person who knows his worth and who can be relied on.
The greeting ritual is also very important when creating a first impression. When meeting, you must follow the rules and norms of etiquette, for example, if you are going to a business meeting, you should not hug your companion when meeting or kiss him on the cheek. For such cases, a calm handshake is appropriate. A handshake is a standard greeting ritual that can also be used by women at a business meeting. The handshake should not be too short, but should not have the goal of seizing a leadership position, for which some people deliberately hold their partner’s hand for too long - this is considered bad manners. A kiss on the cheek is a greeting that can be used when two friends meet or on a first date with a man. Make this kiss just a light touch. Some girls kiss the air so as not to ruin their makeup and stain their interlocutor. But this is considered a sign of disrespect and bad form. If you have bright red lipstick on your lips, you can warn about it or offer a disposable tissue to wipe off the mark.
If you fulfill these conditions, then consider that victory is in your pocket, they will immediately take you more seriously and consider you a pleasant person in all respects.
Rule No. 38
How to speak successfully in public?
Performing for a large audience is a very responsible undertaking. To succeed in such a difficult task, you need not only to prepare your speech well, but also to think about what non-verbal signs you will use.
When preparing to speak in public, you must remember the main rule - nothing about you should irritate you. When choosing clothes for a performance, you should give preference to the classic style; from the many colors and shades, choose black and white, which, on the one hand, is bright and noticeable, and on the other, does not irritate the eye. Your outfit should not be vulgar, flashy, or shocking. Let it attract the audience's attention just enough so that you are clearly visible, so that you do not blend into the background. Your clothes should not be too unusual or eye-catching, otherwise during your entire speech the audience will be busy looking at your costume and not listening to your words.
You will choose a convenient location for your presentation. Of course, if this is an organized event, then the organizers will do this for you. But if the crowd is an impromptu meeting or gathering, then you should take care of where is best to stand. Find a place where you can be seen from any position. You can climb onto a chair, or a table, or any elevation. You must be head and shoulders above everyone else so that the public feels that you have some kind of advantage. You must be visible from all sides so that you can use the entire arsenal of non-verbal means of influencing the audience.
You must master the science of attracting attention. How to do it? It is best to use non-verbal means. Your gestures should resemble those of an actor on a big stage. The following gestures are usually used for speaking at public events.
You can spread your arms, as if to open your arms. This gesture has a symbolic meaning: “I am your patron. If you have any problems, I will solve them.” To get the audience's attention, raise your hand up and hold it until there is silence. This gesture means: “Quiet! I will speak". This is a very bright, eloquent gesture that can be used not only at the beginning of a speech, but also in the middle if, for example, you feel that attention is scattered. Any gesture you use should be bright, large, noticeable. Small gestures for speaking in public will look dull and no one will see them. If you are, for example, going to use a listing gesture, then you should raise your hand to face level, spread your fingers wide and curl them, making a big swing with your other hand.
Learn to use your voice data. There is an opinion that for a large audience you should always speak loudly. In fact, you should not always resort to a loud voice - this will make you tired quickly. Just speak clearly and pause to make your words clear. In exceptional cases, you can switch to a whisper. The audience will think that you are communicating something important, revealing some secret, and will begin to listen.
Rule No. 39
How to attract attention in a group?
Getting attention in a group is harder than getting the attention of a large audience. First, by engaging an audience, you attract the masses; by attracting attention in a group, you attract the attention of different individuals, each with their own point of view.
In order to attract attention in a group, you must use special, intimate gestures aimed at attracting the attention of a large audience. When communicating in a small group, do not shout or wave your arms to gain trust. We compared the behavior of a person who performs in public with the behavior of an actor: performing in a group is akin to an actor performing on a small stage, close to real life.
If you plan to say something important to group members, you first need to organize the group in such a way that you can be heard and seen by everyone. If the group is scattered, consider bringing everyone into a circle or sitting around a table. This way you can unite some kind of unity around yourself.
When communicating with a large audience, you, of course, will not be able to see everyone gathered, but if there is a small group in front of you, then you should pay attention to each participant in turn. Look first at one group member, then at the other, so that no one feels deprived of your attention. Visual contact will help you feel each person and notice the reaction to your words. If you look from one person to another, you will have the whole group under your control. In addition, each group member will feel that you are speaking specifically for him.
WHAT CAN YOU LEARN ABOUT A PERSON WHO IS SILENT?
Rule No. 40
Character is in the gait
Gait is the physiognomy of the body, according to Balzac. By a person’s gait you can determine not only his gender and age, but also his mood, character, and social affiliation. How to determine the meaning of gait?
Let's start with the simplest thing - with the gait of a confident person. If a person walks smoothly, straight, swiftly, the pace of his steps is fast, this indicates the confidence of the owner of such a gait. If a person shuffles his feet, his arms dangle out of step, his head is lowered, it feels like he is going to execution or carrying a heavy burden, this indicates a disorder of feelings, deep depression. Perhaps the person is in a state of crisis or he is facing an unpleasant meeting. Therefore, if you notice that a person is walking to a meeting with you, shuffling his feet, this may indicate his reluctance to see you, he does this out of necessity.
A bouncing gait (a person seems to be springing on his feet) can have a double meaning. First. The direct meaning of such a gait is a happy, unclouded mood, joyful events are happening in a person’s life, he is happy and cheerful, cheerful, and positive. The second meaning, more hidden: a person deliberately tries to be cheerful and carefree, although in fact he is depressed by something. It is very easy to calculate imaginary joy; just pay attention to facial expressions and gestures.
If a person does not straighten his knees, walks on half-bent legs, this may be evidence of his venerable age and pain in the joints, but if the owner of such a gait is young, then this feature indicates that he is unsure of himself, withdrawn, and suspicious.
If a person throws his legs strongly to the sides, his hands may rest in his pockets or prop up his sides, his posture resembles the letter “F”. This is either a sign of excessive self-confidence or carelessness, lack of employment, or constant idleness. He paces in this way because he simply has nowhere to rush, he is not burdened with any responsibilities.
A careful person very often, when walking, first steps on his heels and rolls lightly onto his toes; you will never see him resting on his entire foot. He is careful in everything, including his gait.
If a person knocks his feet very hard while walking, this means that he wants to attract as much attention as possible from those around him. He feels like a very important person, wanting to loudly announce his appearance.
Women's gait should be discussed separately. By the way a woman moves, you can determine her goal, her life attitude. If a woman walks slowly, taking small steps, smoothly sways her hips, then she is currently in the mood to find a companion, her goal is to attract surrounding men.
If a woman walks confidently, kicking her heels, her hips move from side to side very sharply, this indicates her mood for business communication. This is a firm, business woman who is unlikely to easily give up her principles.
A woman shifts from one leg to another, which means she has not learned to use the most important female tool - gait. Such a woman is used to doing housework. Her destiny is home, life, family. Perhaps she is a mother of many children.
If a woman minces her feet, walks quickly, swings her arms wildly, practically without swaying her hips, this is a sign of emancipation. With her gait she tries to resemble a man; she is not at all interested in the attention of the stronger sex.
Rule No. 41
Slouching is a sign of suspiciousness
In this chapter we will talk about the relationship: posture - a person’s character, posture - a person’s mood. There is a fairly widespread opinion that upright posture is a sign of not only aristocracy, but also a sufficient degree of self-confidence, and vice versa, stooping is a sign of uncertainty, reaching the point of suspiciousness.
Good posture is developed over the years; it is not only a correctly formed skeleton in childhood, but a sign of your self-confidence, in your abilities, that you will achieve your goal. Slouching indicates that you are human, complex, and unsure of yourself; slouching, he tries to close himself off from the world - this is a defensive pose.
Good posture is not only a reflection of character, but also of a momentary mood, a fleeting emotional outburst. You've probably noticed that as soon as you tell a person good news, his shoulders immediately straighten, he straightens his back in order to appear before the world in all his glory. And we see a completely different picture if we tell a person unpleasant news: he immediately doubles over, thus trying to hide from troubles.
If a person is used to standing and walking with a slight twist, one shoulder lowered, the other raised, then this is a sign of inconstancy, perhaps he does not have clear principles, he is two-faced, prone to lies. He may be characterized by buffoonery, a desire to hide his true nature or emphasize his dissimilarity. Body asymmetry is evidence that your interlocutor is not a completely sincere person, he is used to lying. If a person sticks his chest forward, this can mean excessive narcissism, self-confidence and pride. The person seems to be flaunting his virtues. If the back half of the body is set back, and the upper half tends forward, this speaks of a person’s curiosity, of his desire to be the first to know everything.
Rule No. 42
Keep your private area locked
Depending on the distance at which a person is comfortable communicating, he may have different intentions. If a person is used to communicating with you at a long distance, this means that he is not very comfortable in your company, but if he gets too close, perhaps he has bad intentions.
There are several areas of interaction between people. The far zone of interaction is the zone from 1 meter to 70 cm. The zone of close contact is 70–50 cm. Less than 50 cm of distance between people is intimate contact.
If a person feels quite comfortable at a distance from you, is always no closer than 70 cm, and whenever you try to reduce this distance, he tries to move away or interrupt the conversation - he is not inclined to have a confidential conversation with swami. Most likely he does not intend to enter into friendly relations with you. Perhaps he just doesn't like talking to you.
If a person takes a position from 70 to 50 cm from you, know that this is the most comfortable interaction zone. It allows interlocutors to perceive each other well without violating their personal zone. This suggests that your interlocutor knows the rules and norms of etiquette, in addition, he treats you well, he is quite comfortable with you. Although this person is not so inclined towards you as to invade your intimate space and allow you into his, he prefers to keep a safe distance, acceptable by the norm of decency.
If a person seeks to violate your personal zone, you should be wary - he may have bad intentions. Of course, if this person is your close friend or relative, then there is nothing reprehensible in his actions. We always greet people close to us by invading their personal space with a kiss or a hug.
But if a person is not well known to you and immediately seeks to violate your personal zone, this is an alarming signal. Perhaps he wants to use your trust to manipulate you. In such cases, action should be taken immediately. If you notice that a person you don’t know much is trying to reduce the distance between you by less than 50 cm during communication, you should do everything to prevent this. Leave without explaining the reasons or try to create some kind of barrier between you so that your intrusive interlocutor cannot get too close to you, for example, stand behind a fence, close the door, use the help of a third person, who can also become a symbolic barrier.
An important source of information about your interlocutor is another non-verbal signal - his position in space. This nonverbal signal indicates the intentions of the interlocutor. The most common position for two people during a conversation is opposite each other. If your partner tries to change this position, tries to stand up or sit on the side, this may indicate that the person wants to establish closer contact with you, to become a closer person to you. But be careful if a person, changing position, tries to get away from your gaze. Your interlocutor may deliberately sit next to you so that you cannot control him and monitor his involuntary reactions.
There is another meaning to changing the position of your interlocutor. Suppose tension arose during a conversation, a conflict has arisen, in order to avoid its development, your interlocutor can deliberately sit next to you in order to remove the visible confrontation of the parties, which is expressed by the fact that you are, as it were, on opposite sides of the barricades - sitting or standing opposite each other. By sitting down next to you or standing next to you, a person seeks to reduce the conflict to nothing. This is also a signal that he is ready to compromise.
Rule No. 43
Laughter helps you understand people
Laughter has many masks. A person laughs to relieve tension, to gain someone’s trust, to please someone, so as not to be scared. In order to understand such diversity, you need to know the characteristics of each type of laughter. Let's figure out what human laughter means.
Laughter, like a smile, can be bright, open or restrained, closed. Each type has its own distinctive features. When laughing openly, the teeth are exposed, sometimes unclenched. If your interlocutor laughs in your presence in the manner described above, you can congratulate yourself, you are a very charming interlocutor, your partner is very comfortable in your company. He is disposed towards you and has a trusting relationship.
If in your company a person laughs with a closed laugh, without opening his lips, tries to restrain gusts of laughter, while the air flow is directed through the nose, the effect of nasal laughter occurs, which does not sound very pleasant, this is a sign that the person is uncomfortable in your company, he is not ready to open himself , bare your emotions. Perhaps you haven’t gotten to know each other enough yet. Or perhaps you simply don’t have the talent to win the trust of others.
If a person begins to hold back his laughter, he is not in the mood for contact with you. Perhaps this is a sign that your interlocutor is a private person by nature, is not used to trusting others with his emotions, and does not want to show all his ins and outs.
If a person’s laughter resembles a giggle, this indicates that its owner is a secretive, possibly deceitful person; he will never tell you the whole truth, even if there is no need to lie.
If a person constantly laughs, regardless of whether he is funny or not, tries to seem cheerful and cheeky, then perhaps laughter is a mask that helps him fight a bunch of complexes. Most likely, such a person is modest and timid by nature. Laughter is a kind of defense. If a person laughs or ironizes at everything, this is not necessarily a sign of a cheerful disposition, but only a desire to hide his shortcomings, anger, envy, and negative emotions.
If a person laughs with a deep, deep laugh (the laughter of cartoon villains), this is a sign of superiority. Perhaps the person does not have very good intentions. Such laughter can even frighten. But most likely, your interlocutor wants to scare you with laughter, since he cannot do it any other way. He is not dangerous for you.
If a person laughs out of place, often when it is not funny at all, this is a sign that in front of you is a very emotional person prone to nervousness. Perhaps your interlocutor is on the verge of a nervous breakdown, the cats are scratching at his soul, and in this way he is trying to relieve tension. With the owner of such a nervous, very sharp, similar to laughter, laughter you need to be careful; if you make a bad joke or say something not very pleasant, he may not be able to stand it and break down: an explosion of laughter may give way to hysteria.
Rule No. 44
What can you tell about a person by his smoking style?
The method of smoking is a kind of language, an alphabet by which an experienced coder can calculate the smoker’s mood, his thoughts, and the decision he has made. Each gesture of a smoker is individual, but there are universal ways to express oneself in the manner of smoking.
Based on the direction in which the smoker blows smoke, one can conclude about the decision he has made. If the stream of smoke is directed downwards, then your interlocutor has made a negative decision, he intends to refuse you. If the jet goes up, then its resolution will be positive. If the smoke is directed to the side, then most likely your interlocutor is still between two fires, he has not made a final decision.
By the way a person holds a cigarette, one can determine his mood and intentions. A smoker holds a cigarette with his hand clenched into a fist, which means he is in a bad mood, he is trying to hide his emotions from his interlocutor, he does not intend to reveal his true thoughts, perhaps he is up to something. If the cigarette is between the extended middle and index fingers, this is a sign that your interlocutor is confident in everything, is in the mood for contact, and the conversation with him can be productive. If a woman holds a cigarette, while turning her wrist towards the man, this can be a signal of flirting, in this way she is flirting with the man.
A very important characteristic of a smoker is how quickly he smokes. If he smokes very quickly, while sharply inhaling cigarette smoke, this indicates that he is used to leading a very active lifestyle, does everything on the run, is always in a hurry, in a hurry. He is always quick in action. If a person smokes slowly, this is a sign that he is used to living in a measured, unhurried rhythm. He always has a minute or two to stop before making a choice and think. This person is a thinker: he thinks and analyzes a lot. The person is emotionally balanced, perhaps related to a creative profession, where one of the important processes is the thinking process.
If a person smokes and closes his eyes, this indicates that the person is immersed in deep thought and concentrated on his thoughts. It's better not to pester him with questions.
If a person releases smoke in the form of a thin stream, then this may be a sign of his determination, perhaps temperament. He is used to making important decisions and knows what the burden of responsibility is. If a person blows out cigarette smoke smoothly and makes smoke rings, he is prone to melancholy, thoughtfulness, and is soft and less decisive by nature.
Rule No. 45
Lack of taste in clothes - a desire to stand out or disrespect for others?
What does neatness in your interlocutor’s appearance indicate? This may be a sign that he wants to compare favorably with other people, or indicate his good attitude towards others, his desire to be appreciated.
In a way, appearance is a reflection of a person’s mood; by appearance, you can also determine what a person is like, how he treats himself. If an older person prefers an informal, teenage style of clothing, this is evidence that he has not matured as a person. Perhaps this is a way of protection from the attacks of others, from their possible condemnation: “I’m still too young, so don’t judge me for my mistakes.” The desire to always remain a child, infantilism in clothing style indicates that a person is not ready to independently take responsibility for his actions.
If a person prefers to dress brightly and pretentiously, then this is evidence that he strives to be noticeable among the gray, monotonous mass of people, he wants his efforts to be appreciated. Perhaps he strives to take a leadership position. Such clothing can also serve as protection from others, since behind it a person can hide his true self. This happens when a person’s personal data and character do not meet his expectations, he puts on a mask, hides his natural timidity and modesty behind bright clothes. Sometimes this technique works, and a person, timid and unsure of himself, turns into a mature and very strong person.
Sports style is the desire to look like a confident and successful person as easily and simply as possible. On the one hand, clothing gives confidence, and on the other hand, it requires a minimum of effort. Sportswear does not require special care; everyone can wear it easily and comfortably. But if the sporty style predominates in your wardrobe, a not very favorable impression may be formed about you; you will be perceived as a lazy person who wants to simplify everything to the limit.
Classic clothing style is the most comfortable and suitable option for all occasions. It will definitely fit in any situation and will not irritate anyone. You don’t want to appear better in advance than you are; you don’t make allowances for your own inadequacy by declaring with your appearance that you are not capable of doing difficult work. They will take you seriously, they will pay attention not to how you dress, but to your personal qualities. You will interest others as a person, and not as a mannequin wearing the latest haute couture.
If there is negligence in your clothes, it may be a tribute to fashion, an expression of your worldview, but first of all it is a sign of disrespect for others. If you do not pay enough attention to your appearance, then you are thereby trying to cross out all the foundations and rules that were invented before you. If, by dressing casually, you hope to conquer everyone with your extravagance and thus shock those around you, then this is not always appropriate and correct in relation to others. Remember that shocking clothing is acceptable when they already know you, you are a celebrity about whom a certain opinion has already been formed. Show business figures are allowed everything. Shocking is part of their duties, otherwise interest in them will disappear. If you do not belong to this category of people, then coming to a business meeting or party where few people know you, dressing against the established rules, is prohibited. You risk spending the entire evening alone, scaring all your potential interlocutors.
Excessive pedantry is also not recommended. If you are dressed too correctly, wearing a formal suit with buttons buttoned to the top, this can also frighten others. This, by the way, indicates a lack of individuality. When choosing a classic style, try to bring your own vision to a classic suit: to highlight your individuality, you can use watches, glasses or other fashion accessories, high heels, then you will make an impression.
Rule No. 46
Rings, earrings, brooches - the best tips
Very often we do not pay attention to the jewelry that a person wears, and by doing this we make a big mistake. The ability to choose the right jewelry for your outfit speaks not only about a sense of taste. Jewelry can tell a lot about its owner. The main thing is to be able to read the “tips” that a person is wearing.
A person, when choosing jewelry, expresses his individuality. If the choice of clothing, style, and color may indicate not so much human preferences as the pursuit of fashion, then the choice of jewelry is a very individual moment. A person always chooses what suits his character and personality.
It is known that everyone strives to wear jewelry with stones that suit them best. Each stone is unique in its properties and suits a person with a certain set of qualities. Here are just a few “stone-character” correspondences.
If you notice your interlocutor's passion for pearl jewelry, this may indicate that he strives for purity, femininity, and innocence. This is also a stone of knowledge; it is possible that your interlocutor is a “hidden” intellectual. You noticed that your companion has an emerald pendant hanging on his chest, pay attention to it. This is a stone of fidelity. According to legend, it falls apart during adultery. This person, under any circumstances, remains faithful to his traditions and foundations. It is believed that the stone helps only a person with a clear conscience; it interferes with the deceitful and hypocritical in the implementation of his plans. We noticed a brooch with a ruby on the chest; this decoration cannot be evidence of virtue. Ruby brings strength to any person. Everyone who turns to it for help, as a rule, receives it. Novas should be careful, because if a person has bad intentions, it may mean that he will succeed. Aquamarine is a stone for lovers; if your interlocutor has jewelry with this stone, then most likely his heart is not free. A diamond is a very good amulet; if your partner has such a stone, then perhaps he is trying to protect himself from the attacks of others, he is afraid that he may be offended. If a person prefers garnet, this indicates that he thinks about his health; it is a stone of health and well-being. Turquoise is a very active stone. It is believed that it is worn by very confident and victory-oriented people.
The abundance of jewelry indicates that your interlocutor wants to stand out, he has a strong personality or lack thereof and is trying to compensate for this gap with jewelry. If there are no jewelry at all, then this indicates that the person is deprived of individuality, does not know how to choose jewelry for himself, he is simply faceless.
Rule No. 47
The smell of perfume reveals a person's temperament
You've probably noticed that each person chooses a scent according to his own taste. The choice of perfume is an exclusively individual choice that can tell a lot about a person. If you have a good sense of smell and are able to distinguish one smell from another, then you can use our advice and determine the nature of a person by his perfume.
There is an opinion that perfume is chosen in order to please others, to ennoble one’s own smell, but it is impossible to please everyone, so when choosing perfume a person is guided by his own taste. You can't wear a scent you don't like, even if most people prefer it. Therefore, the choice of scent is entirely your individual choice.
If a person prefers fresh, but muted, calm aromas (aloe, sea breeze, fresh fruits - lemons or apples), this means that he is an introvert, closed from others, and not ready for a trusting relationship with the first person he meets. Communicates with a stranger very warily and fearfully. He never opens up right away. He is quite calm and unemotional. This choice suggests that the person is either melancholic or phlegmatic.
If a person loves a bright, sharp aroma, then this is a sign of high emotionality. A rich and bright aroma is chosen by people who want to be noticed; they try to express themselves in everything, including a very strong, sometimes repulsive smell. This choice is typical for choleric people - people prone to sudden emotional swings, but at the same time quite free to make contact.
Rule No. 48
A man with glasses is a reason for thought
If a person wears glasses, this can tell a lot about his nature. Choosing glasses and manipulating them are, as a rule, not random actions, but nonverbal signals that tell a lot about a person if you learn to decipher them.
If a person wears glasses with tinted lenses in the absence of wind or sun, then this may indicate the secretiveness of his nature, his fear of others. He tries to hide his eyes because he feels uncomfortable talking to you.
Sometimes a person wears glasses instead of contact lenses in order to appear smarter and more respectable. If a person believes that his appearance is not suitable enough to achieve his goals, or he is not confident in his intellectual or leadership qualities, he uses other means to gain the respect of others, including putting on glasses and creating an image of a respectable and successful person.
Glasses are also a way to demonstrate your attitude to others about what the conversation is about, and with the help of glasses you can find out the intentions of the interlocutor. If a person continually takes off his glasses and wipes the lenses, this is a sign that he is stalling for time. Perhaps he is trying to think over your proposal, to find arguments in order to convince you. If he took off his glasses and pointedly put them in a case or put them in a bag, then this indicates that he intends to leave in the near future, since he has already understood everything for himself and there is no point in continuing the conversation.
If a person has taken off his glasses and is gnawing on the end of the glasses, this indicates that he is in a state of thought, is considering your proposal, perhaps at this moment he is not listening to you. If he plays with glasses, constantly moving them from hand to hand, this is evidence that he feels awkward and is trying to find a topic for conversation. A person who is used to controlling others often uses glasses as a pointer and points at objects or simply waves them around. If a person draws all kinds of circles or other shapes with glasses, this is a signal that he is already pretty tired of you and it’s time to end the conversation.
If a person puts on glasses when meeting you, this is not a very tactful gesture, it can even be classified as bad gestures that express contempt and disrespect. In this way, the person lets you know that he is going to study you in detail, in detail. Such a gesture is permissible only if the owner of the glasses is very elderly. This is also a sign of distrust: “I don’t trust you, so I will watch you very carefully to catch you in deception.”
Rule No. 49
7 colors of the rainbow - 7 types of people
According to some psychologists, the choice of color is closely related to the basic character traits of a person. Indeed, colors reflect our inner world and affect our mood - they give energy and joy to life or, conversely, depress, irritate and cause depression.
Therefore, it is very important for our well-being what colors we surround ourselves with. Scientists and psychologists have created several theories on how color influences a person and how colors correspond to a certain type of person. And yet we are convinced that due to the uniqueness of each of us, it is always much more objective to trust our intuition. Nevertheless, let’s check how the scientific version matches your feelings.
If you notice your interlocutor's predilection for burgundy and dark red, this indicates that in front of you is a person who is quite confident in himself, hidden passion and sexuality. If your interlocutor prefers the color red, it means that he is ambitious, and clearly demonstrates this to others. He states directly and openly that he strives to become a leader. Of course, clothes cannot help him with this if he does not have leadership qualities. If your companion is an ardent supporter of orange clothing, then most likely he is a man of action: he strives for victory not with tricks and tricks, but is ready to take real action to achieve success.
If your interlocutor prefers clothes in yellow tones, then this is a sign of his intelligence. This also means that he leads an active lifestyle and has a very extraordinary personality. Supporters of the color green are very cautious people; they belong to the category of contemplators and thinkers, but not people of action. If your partner’s favorite color is blue, this is a sign of creativity and sensitivity. There is a gap between a person who prefers blue shades and reality; he lives in a world of fantasy. If the darker shades of blue are dark blue and purple, then this is a sign that your interlocutor is independent and has an extraordinary mind. Lovers of the color purple have very developed intuition.
Black, gray and white fall out of the rainbow spectrum of 7 colors, but we will also say a few words about the supporters of these colors. If black clothes appear in the wardrobe from time to time, this may mean that a person is trying to control himself, he has a strong opinion and an established position. If black is the predominant color, this may indicate a person’s desire to hide from others, his desire to get away from people, his lack of self-confidence. Gray is the color of hyper-responsible and correct people. If your interlocutor prefers white, this is a sign that this is a person who strives for justice. If there is too much white, this is a sign of one’s own inferiority or a painful sense of superiority over others.
CONCLUSION
Humanity creates special synthetic languages so that people of different nationalities can communicate with each other. In fact, you don’t need to invent anything, just turn to the nature of our body: with the help of sign language you can easily explain to a foreigner where Red Square is, simply by pointing to the other side, or ask a foreign-speaking person what time it is. Sign language is a universal way of communication.
We live in a world of coded signals, undeciphered signs and symbols that we send to each other in the hope that at least someone will understand us correctly. But, as a rule, this does not happen; people cannot understand each other, first of all, because they are too carried away with themselves, with their thoughts, and do not pay attention to others. There is another reason for misunderstanding and inability to establish contact: people have not yet learned to read the language of non-verbal signals. Reading non-verbal symbols is a whole science that you need to learn throughout your life. After all, gestures, facial expressions, and posture are individual for each person. In this book we tried to talk about those signals that scientists were able to decipher, about those universal signs that we use to express our emotions, feelings, thoughts. How much is left behind the scenes? Can't count. We could not, even if we wanted to, cover all the nuances and details of our nonverbal communication with you, not because we conducted poor-quality research, but because it is impossible to grasp the immensity. There are too many nonverbal cues for them all to fit into one book. To do this, you need to compile an encyclopedia, a dictionary of non-verbal signals that will not be inferior to, and perhaps even surpass in number, the most complete versions of explanatory dictionaries.