The opinions of others affect everyone in one form or another. Usually these are not the words of the first person you meet, but the reasoning of relatives or acquaintances, work colleagues. If we take them too seriously, they can have a serious impact on our lives. That being said, there is a big difference between taking someone else's point of view into account and worrying about it.
If you simply take into account what others say, it will mean that you respect their views. If they influence you too much, then you can become a person who listens to everyone but himself. To be liked by others is a desire that is inherent in human nature. But to what extent we allow others to influence us depends on ourselves. How to stop paying attention to the opinions of others if its impact is too strong? Let's look at a few things to keep in mind.
- The best way to stop being subject to someone else's assessment is to change the company or team, if, of course, such an opportunity exists. We often feel “out of place” and cannot determine the true reasons for what is happening around us. The problem, which, at first glance, lies within ourselves, in fact has a completely different origin. We cannot influence how other people behave and do. Therefore, if you think that gossip in your work or school team goes beyond all acceptable limits, think about whether there is an opportunity to make your life easier and change this team to a more humane one.
- In any circumstance, remember that people do not think about you as much as they may seem. They spend most of their time thinking about themselves and what is meaningful to them. You and your behavior actually don’t come to their attention that often. Think for a moment: how often do you think about what decision your friend made? Okay, maybe it worries you to some extent, but still not enough to think about it day and night.
- Remember who you really are. Within ourselves, each of us knows our advantages and disadvantages, strengths and weaknesses. Unfortunately, many people, even having reached a very respectable age, cannot learn to distinguish adult life from school. They begin to judge and evaluate a person without even really understanding who he is or what he represents. There are others like them. Having long ago gone through all the hormonal storms of adolescence, they remain psychologically immature, trying to raise their self-esteem at the expense of those around them. Unfortunately, this is not the best way for them - because in this case, their self-esteem is based not on an internal sense of their own worth, but on the reputation of another person they have damaged.
Therefore, knowing their background, you should not take seriously these ridiculous attempts to assert yourself at the expense of others. Remind yourself often of your strengths and advantages in life. This will give you the strength to look at the situation differently.
- Learn the rule: other people's opinions are not your problem. What others think is their business, not yours. Even if you are the subject of their statements, this cannot in any way change the true state of affairs. All these gossip or opinions expressed directly can only have an impact on you in one case - if you allow yourself to think about them too seriously. You can't control other people, so stop trying. Let them suffer from envy of your success, property or opportunities. One can only feel sorry for such people who are unable to achieve their goals and waste themselves on negative statements and criticism of others.
- People tend to spoil the mood of others. Unfortunately, this is not uncommon these days. If someone is having a bad day, for some reason he considers it his duty to ruin the mood of others. In this case, you need to remember that there is nothing personal in such words. They are just the result of a bad day. Maybe this person just got up on his feet today, or spilled a cup of coffee on his new suit this morning. If, for example, your colleague is in a bad mood, you don’t need to attribute his remarks to your own mistakes. Forget about him for a while, enjoy your life.
- Surround yourself with those who support you. Being able to count on the support of friends is important not only for emotional balance, but also for physical health. It is impossible to constantly be on and at the same time remain productive. There will often be people around you who disagree with you. Therefore, you have only two ways - either ignore their opinion, or continue on your way without them.
- Be aware of those who can without hesitation be called clients of a psychiatric clinic. Research has shown a sad pattern: the more comfortable the economic and political situation in a society, the greater the number of mentally ill people identified in it. Those who come from villages and small towns immediately note how tense and anxious the residents of big cities seem to them. The world is full of people who have no idea how to communicate politely with others. This is the contingent whose opinion should not be listened to at all.
No matter what you say, it will not change anything. So you shouldn't even try. It is better to stay as far away from such people as possible. If such a person is present in your work team, it is better to listen to the opinions of those who support you.
More than once or twice I have heard questions and reflections on the topic:
How to treat other people's opinions?
Is it possible to ignore other people's opinions?
I react strongly to the assessments of others, I am dependent, this is probably bad...
If we briefly summarize the results of such thoughts and debates, it turns out that there are only a few main points of view:
- You shouldn’t pay attention to other people’s opinions at all, they should be ignored. After all, by becoming dependent on other people’s assessments, we cause great harm to ourselves.
- To ignore the views of others, to show demonstrative independence means to be a self-absorbed egoist, to the stake!)) In addition, this also leads to bad consequences - after all, if a person cannot look at himself from the outside, then his bad qualities will only get worse.
- We need a balance between not giving a damn and a soul open to the spitting of others. Then you won’t be particularly upset by negative opinions, but you won’t miss out on any valuable information about yourself.
As the intelligent reader will certainly guess (and others hardly wander around), I cited these views only in order to express my own thoughts on this topic. They are very simple. And, in my opinion, this approach completely removes the problem of “how to properly relate to someone else’s opinion.”
A small digression. For some reason, the idea of the importance of opinions has been drummed into us since childhood. I know it’s an incomprehensible phrase, but there’s no other way to say it. Everyone around is sure that the opinion of Comrade A or Mr. B is a damn important and significant thing. Don't believe me? Have you ever heard phrases like these:
“We have grown up, we have our own opinion” (proudly)
“I may be wrong, but this is my opinion!” (threatening)
“Everyone has their own opinion” (conciliatory)
“You wrote complete nonsense - a masterpiece! It's my opinion!"
Agree, the subtext of each such phrase is “any opinion is a super-important thing,” as if eliminating all objections! Such thoughts are present in society; they exist in almost all of us. This is the cause of problems with fear and dependence on other people’s opinions.
Let's remember these conclusions and move on. Let's conduct a thought experiment. Imagine that you took a dozen pieces of paper, wrote the word “beautiful” on the first, “pleasant” on the second, “disgusting” on the third, and so on. Then they put the pieces of paper in a hat, said “The weather today...” and pulled out the piece of paper at random and read what was written there.
Is this an opinion? Why not? Where are the guarantees that the statements of other people that you take to heart (or contemptuously ignore) were born in a more worthy way, with the bloody sweat of the soul and mind? A?
Someone else's opinion is just words. Words and nothing more.
If an opinion is not supported by powerful arguments, why should you care? There is no point in listening to him, there is no point in ignoring him. There is no point in reacting emotionally at all. Otherwise, you need to react to the parrot’s cry of “Durrrrak!”
This is all theory. Let's look at the practical side.
Situation 1.
A person worries because others evaluate him low.
What to do: calmly figure out what the reason for the negative opinion is. Relate to your own values and priorities. Option A: a person finds a flaw in himself. Option B: a person understands that the reason is connected with what he himself considers to be a virtue. In the first case, you need to make an effort, in the second - remain yourself, without reacting to others.
Situation 2.
A person worries because those who are dear to him and whose opinion is important to him are dissatisfied with him.
What to do: calmly, without emotions, talk frankly, discuss the details and reasons for the complaints.
The main thing in such matters is to be frank with yourself.
By the way, very often we make judgments for others - “this little girl hates me” (she just looked askance once), “this man thinks that I’m a bungler” (but in reality he simply considers all women to be bunglers, regardless of their business acumen).
Other people's views on you and on anything in general are important only in two cases:
A) when they correctly reflect the actual state of affairs (whether this is so is revealed by calm analysis)
B) when they change the behavior of this person, through him influencing your life.
Very often we misjudge other people's perceptions of ourselves.(because we treat him emotionally and biasedly)
Why do people express their negative opinions?
There are many reasons why a person makes his opinion known. Perhaps it is caused by envy and anger towards you. Think if this is not true. In most cases, a person speaks negatively about you so that his words have some effect on you. Try to understand why you express your opinion and how often it happens.Ignoring
Indifference is the best defense against the words of a person who wishes you harm. If someone says something unkind to your face, grin and show that you don't care. Try to remain cool not only externally, but also internally. A successful person can always have many envious people and rivals, but you should not pay attention to them.Confidence
You need to clearly understand that you must be completely confident in yourself and in your actions. An insecure person becomes too vulnerable to other people. However, when detractors see the indifference to their opinions and your continued confidence, they eventually stop all attempts to lead you astray.Get support from your friends
Always listen to what your good friends tell you. Find out what they think about other people's opinions. If people constantly criticize you, talk to your friends more often about the subject of your criticism. The words of loved ones are much more valuable and therefore they can give you self-confidence.Do what you love
It is always easy to knock someone down without reliable support. If you have a favorite job or hobby, do it, despite outside opinions. The main thing is that it brings you pleasure and you feel satisfied.Remember that you will come out a winner if you do not attach great importance to the negative words of others. Chat with friends more often and do what you like best.
Many of us are dependent on other people's opinions. This interferes with life, takes a lot of energy and complicates personal growth.
How to stop depending on other people's opinions?
1. Assess all the pros and cons of depending on other people's opinions.
Draw a table and divide it into two columns. In one column, write down all the benefits you get from this addiction. In the minus column, write down what you lose when you adapt to the opinions of others.
2. We cannot predict other people's opinions.
For example, a girl is going to a party, wearing the best outfit in her wardrobe. She is sure that everyone will be delighted, but here is someone who prefers light and relaxed clothes. Therefore, no matter how hard we try to go out of our way, it will be useless.
3. The opinion of another depends on the mood.
Many people express themselves in an unflattering manner just because they are in a bad mood. Imagine that you accidentally hit someone else in transport, and he is in such a terrible mood that he hates the world around him. He will say such words not only to you, but to anyone who is in your place.
4. Famous people are condemned.
Just go to any video site and see what comments are written about the most beautiful women and successful men.
When we get rid of other people's opinions, lightness and ease appear in our actions.
Tip 3: How to respond to criticism and stop depending on other people’s opinions
We often hear criticism addressed to us. It can concern both appearance and behavior. For example, people make comments about the fact that you are too emotional or, on the contrary, too phlegmatic. Because of such statements, not only our self-esteem often suffers, but our dreams are also broken.
Saying “don't listen to them” or “don't look at them” is easy. But doing this, of course, is much more difficult. Realize the equality of people before each other and the equality of their opinions. The main problem of such “critics” is that they present their super-opinion as the only correct one, and if you understand for yourself that the opinion of someone else is not at all more important or correct than yours, then you will understand how stupid the behavior of these “critics” looks. .
Expression: “Evelina, your cheeks are just terribly huge, don’t you see how bad it is?” is equivalent to saying “I don’t like apple pie, how can you like it? You just taste disgusting, you need to stop eating it.” Get it in your head that people, despite the fact that they are individual in their views, are equal in their rights, and therefore no one can forbid you to eat this apple pie or not.
Decide on your goals in life. When a person does not know what he wants from life, he often gets confused in an endless series of other people's opinions. He has not yet set his priorities, so any phrase uttered by a person he knows is perceived as a sentence. For example, your friend didn't like the color palette of the picture you drew. This absolutely does not mean that drawing is not your thing, and your paintings are simply terrible. Think about what you like about your creativity and what you would like to concentrate on and what you could turn a blind eye to. After you decide, think about the words of your interlocutor: is the information that he tells you so important?
Understand that everything that is in you is part of your personality and you are all unique, and beauty and abilities are a relative concept, and therefore for every negative criticism there will always be a positive one.
A person can focus too much on his image. Moreover, modern people are very dependent on social networks. We see others gaining more followers and more likes, being liked more, and having tons of friends. All we see is just an edited image of who they really are. But whether such a message comes through the screen or not, we still care, worry and worry about what others will think about our appearance, our qualities and our achievements. We go out of our way to get people's attention. Why is other people's opinions so important to us?
The problem is that we forget to ask ourselves whether we like these people or not
That's why we need to learn to stop paying attention to other people's opinions. We should understand, acknowledge and accept our own feelings, instead of thinking about others, which we have no control over. If you find that others judge you and make you feel less than you deserve, then they are not your people. So you just need to turn around and leave.
To stop worrying about what others say, you must refocus your goals. So you will come to the conclusion that not every person will fit into your personal plan for success. Do these people help you grow? Do they motivate you to become a better person? Or do they just highlight you and make you feel bad about yourself?
Other people's opinions should not guide you
You should be yourself, and not who others see you or want you to see. And you must do what is necessary for you. Not what other people expect from you. By stopping paying attention to other people's opinions, you will attract people who have found their way and stopped investing in pleasing and being liked. You will work together on important things: saving the world, creating something new, falling in love, expanding your knowledge, taking care of yourself, etc.
When you focus on these goals, the voices of others in your head will be silenced. Because your own voice will become stronger and more powerful. You will suddenly understand what you are doing and why you are doing it. And then you won’t give a damn about other people’s opinions. needs to see your full potential and you can't let someone take that away from you. Even if you are not the smartest person on the planet, you are what the world needs.
Don't put yourself down
Don't force yourself to calm down. And under no circumstances let yourself be tamed. Can you force yourself to be like someone else? No, that won't work. Your brain and body will push away and reject anything that doesn't suit you. You will feel it with every cell of your body. Someone else's opinion can enslave you - don't let it. You have your own goals in life. Once you realize this, it will be easier for you not to think about what others say.