CHECK YOUR OPENNESS Before we move on, let's examine our own openness. How disposed are we towards people? How much do we need them? How open are we? - these are the questions that the famous test will help us answer

Openness Observation allowed Jonathan to focus on the nature of intention and attention, which are driving forces mental activity. Objectivity taught him to distinguish awareness from brain activity. But now there was storm activity

Chapter 5 Embracing the Unacceptable: Openness Bethany strolls leisurely through a completely empty grocery store. She carefully examines the contents of the shelves, puts the necessary things in the cart, crosses them off the list and recalculates the total each time. To her

Openness to everything new and unknown If a person really believes in himself, there is no type of activity that he cannot handle. If you decide to try yourself in a field where you are not given any guarantees, the whole range of joyful

Openness to new possibilities What you want to create is just beyond the imaginary boundaries of your capabilities. The term "infinite possibilities" is very popular in spiritual circles, but its real meaning is: you can

Transparency (openness) A partner's life should be an open book, devoid of secrets. Make sure that new person invites you to meetings with friends, relatives, colleagues, talks about your failures, aspirations and goals. When you ask him: "Where

Openness to Experience: Receptiveness or Resistance Openness to experience, as opposed to closedness and resistance, indicates the ability to embrace new ideas and feel comfortable with new environment with new people. It is closely related to creativity.

Openness to pain is openness to God. I am in some kind of spiritual sanctuary. People take turns praying out loud. When it's my turn, I don't know how to pray. I think to myself, “I can tell you about my experience of God.” Then I, filled with prayer

It's no secret that for effective management With the company's resources, top management needs the trust of subordinates. Employees also need trust from management to quickly adapt to work processes and reveal their professional and personal potential.

The success and efficiency of the restaurant business depends on the honesty of its employees no less than the banking business. Mutual trust is the basis of mutual understanding and agreement between managers and employees, a condition for the prosperity of the company. Therefore it is one of essential elements in HR work.

Trust is built from the moment the candidate arrives for an interview. Having crossed the threshold of an organization in search of a job, a person cannot immediately trust the manager unconditionally - first he must receive evidence that this is the company in which he wants to spend a significant part of his life. When hiring a new employee, the manager also trusts him: “We are hiring you in our business, I personally trust you and expect success in your work!” Even if the manager does not say loud words out loud, he hopes that the newcomer will become an excellent employee (otherwise there is simply no reason to hire him).

Trust is generally defined as “the hope that the people on whom we depend will meet our expectations.” Trust is closely related to such concepts as “integrity,” “honesty,” “openness,” and “caring.” Trust is the willingness to fulfill the terms of the contract with the employer (labor and “unwritten” - psychological contract).

It is important for a manager at any level to know real the state of affairs in your area. Only with truthful information will he be able to accept right decisions, control the situation and behavior of subordinates, carry out assigned tasks. Without trust in subordinates to the boss structural unit I would have to constantly check and double-check the work on my site and monitor the smallest details. Agree, this approach is unproductive - it is a waste of time and effort of the highest paid employees. By delegating authority to his subordinates, the manager also gives each performer a certain amount of trust.

The first step to trust

When coming to an interview, the candidate subconsciously trusts the HR person to decide on his most important life problem- get the job you want. It is on you, colleagues, that the applicant pins his hopes of finding a worthy workplace, for him, it is you who are the representative of the company - its “face”, and most importantly - the person who has shown interest in him as a potential employee.

Mutual interest between the applicant and the HR manager in each other is the basis for future trust. The more interest you show in the candidate, the more he will trust you: he will loosen up, “open up,” and more fully demonstrate his personal qualities. At this stage, it is very important to show the person that you trust him and appreciate his desire to benefit the company. How to achieve this? First of all, listen carefully to the candidate, talk politely and kindly.

Eichar becomes confidant candidate, accompanies him at all stages of selection. A person who wants to get a job in a company, during an interview with a line manager or director of an enterprise, often literally looks back at the HR manager - this is already a sign of trust. The applicant seems to ask the HR person: “Did I say it correctly?”, “Did they understand me?” - at these moments, emotional support on your part will strengthen his self-confidence. You are, as it were, an invisible support for the applicant, a representative of his interests before the future leader. However, it is important to show restraint and not get the person's hopes up in advance: if for some reason his candidacy is rejected, he will not remain hostile towards you.

Once again I want to emphasize that the most important task The HR manager's job is to build trust in the team. Employees who trust HR will always tell the truth - about relationships in the team, about violations of discipline, without fear that this will cause reprisals from management. How to maintain employee trust in the company and its management? The answer is simple: by communicating with people.

The role of constant communication cannot be overestimated. To keep abreast of all the affairs at the enterprise, you need to “go among the people”, talk with top and line managers, with ordinary employees. This is the only way to learn about problems, improve the psychological climate in the team, and promptly solve emerging problems.

Sometimes senior managers do not notice (or do not want to notice) tension in the team. Eichar is called upon to be that “wise doctor” who does not “drive the disease inside,” but offers a “gentle treatment regimen.”

Where should you start to build trusting relationships in your team? What to ask an employee? How to talk to him? People turn to the HR department on issues that are important to them: to clarify their work experience, apply for vacation, etc. - this is an excellent opportunity to get to know a person better, to find out “personal” details of his life. In addition, you were the first person the employee approached when he was a candidate... There will always be a topic for conversation: successes at work, accumulated experience, adaptation in the team... Telling about your own experience work. But when communicating with an employee, the HR should not turn into an investigator: a conversation with people should be structured as a dialogue, an exchange of opinions, and not an “interrogation.”

Conversations with a new employee are a mandatory “item” of the adaptation plan. If the HR manager “lived” this difficult period together with the newcomer, supported him, then in the future there will be no difficulties in communicating with him. He will perceive the HR person as a person from the “support group” at work and will not be afraid to share his joys and worries with management.

Truthful, timely information will help you avoid many mistakes in personnel management. However, you should not take any information about dissatisfaction as complaint to the employer. We all work for a common cause, and a person's dissatisfaction with something in the workplace does not mean that he is disloyal. The employee shared his difficulties with you not to show disagreement, but to resolve work problem. The person is waiting for help from you, try to understand him correctly and help if possible. This employee's line manager does not need to know where you got the information from. Situational dissatisfaction can occur in any employee; this is a natural state during a busy work schedule. The main thing is that the person is heard, so that his dissatisfaction does not turn into anger or despair and does not interfere with his work. “Remelting” a problem into a desire for impact work is possible only in a healthy atmosphere.

Trust is the basic rule of corporate culture

The culture of trust in our company has developed in accordance with the vision of the top manager. In his opinion, the main thing in any job is a good climate in the team. All employees should be satisfied, feel in their place, and not be afraid of reprisals. In turn, the manager is comfortable working if he is confident in his subordinates. This vision is the basis main line, within which relationships with people are built.

Once a week, meetings of top managers of the entire company are held, and in each of the restaurants there are general meetings, where current issues are discussed. “Hot” information is posted on the bulletin board, so that both managers and employees know what our organization is doing at a certain point in time.

To create an atmosphere of trust, it is important not only everyday communication with people at work, but also at corporate events (picnics, sports competitions). For the holidays - on New Year, February 23, March 8 - employees receive gifts from the company.

In order for people to strive to achieve professional heights and spend their energy on work rather than intrigue, our company holds competitions in which it is determined best worker month, quarter, year in various nominations (for different specialties). Everyone takes part in these competitions. In fair competition, the merits of the best in the profession are visible, we are proud of these people. The winners of the competition receive a financial incentive and the opportunity to advance career ladder.

We encourage loyalty: those employees who have worked in the company for more than a year and achieved certain labor productivity indicators receive a quarterly bonus, and those who have more than two years of experience in the Zdorovenki Buli chain are entitled to a family vacation voucher every two years. In this way, we purposefully form a friendly team, in which there are no “undercover” struggles and “secrets,” and situational dissatisfaction is revealed in a timely manner.

We believe that the level of employee trust in the company depends on the conditions provided by the employer:

• a decent salary that rewards a person’s personal contribution to the common cause;
• adaptation and support program in the workplace (the table shows an example of an “Employee Adaptation Sheet” indicating those responsible for the process of a newcomer joining the team);
• bonus and compensation program.

Hall worker adaptation sheet

With us, every restaurant employee, regardless of position and length of service in the company, has the right to free food. For those of our colleagues whose activities involve traveling around the city, the company reimburses travel expenses. Non-resident unskilled workers, whose work is usually low-paid, are partially compensated for housing costs. Office specialists are paid for mobile communications.

HR as an intermediary

When communicating with top managers, line managers and ordinary employees, an HR manager often hears about the same incident from different people, each of them expressing their own point of view. HR’s task is to correctly understand what employees want to say and draw a conclusion: how to respond to each signal. It is very important to direct information flows to the “right” place.

For example, an ordinary employee often does not know - and should not know - about the company’s relations with its counterparties (for example, about accounts receivable or about delays in the supply of new equipment, about increased rates on bank loans, etc.). He judges the situation of the organization “from his own bell tower” and is sometimes very dissatisfied his position without understanding the financial problems of the company as a whole. In this case, the HR manager’s task is to clarify the situation and talk about management’s position. The words of a person you trust, as a rule, do not raise doubts, so HR can smooth out “ sharp corners", provide feedback. When employees understand that management is not “cheating with salaries”, but is heroically struggling with temporary difficulties, then people agree to work more intensively. They understand that by strengthening the company's position, they thereby save their jobs.

In building trusting relationships with employees, it is necessary to develop standards of behavior that will allow the HR manager to most effectively maintain the trust of employees, and at the same time remain a representative of the employer. What qualities are needed for this? Here are the “three pillars” of communicative competence:

• honesty in relationships;
• friendliness, sincerity, openness in communication;
• interest, active readiness to help.

As can be seen from the above list of qualities, we're talking about about HR's reputation as a professional. Line up positive relationships, constantly communicating with employees, taking your special place in the team is not a matter of one day, you must be ready to make efforts for this.

Of course, only those who trust themselves can trust others. A person who is not confident in himself and his abilities constantly expects danger - from everywhere. Here we return again to the question of the role of the manager’s personality: a leadership position cannot be held by a weak-willed and suspicious person, otherwise his distrust will corrode the team.

Constant communication with colleagues (both managers and ordinary employees) is the responsibility of the HR manager. Why is this so important? If you regularly “go to the people”, employees perceive you as a representative of the administration who is nearby and delves into all their problems so that help, not to punish.

In a confidential conversation, you can also learn about important events in people's lives and prepare for them in time. For example, an employee tells you: “I’m getting married,” and you make a note that she will soon go on vacation, which means a temporary replacement is needed. Or: “I’m pregnant” - the person will go on a long vacation, and now is the time to open a vacancy and start recruiting work. Or the employee may openly ask if there are opportunities for him to career growth. Even if there are no vacancies now, you can discuss his career prospects with him - and the person will not quit, but will wait for the opportunity that you offer him.

Selection and training

A culture of trust helps us select people who... high probability“will fit in” with the teams of the “Zdorovenki Buli” restaurants. Firstly, the employees themselves help the HR manager fill vacancies: if someone recommends a friend for a job, and he successfully passes probation, the “recommender” receives a bonus. Friends help newcomers quickly get to know their colleagues and master our requirements, which greatly facilitates the HR employee’s job of adaptation. At the same time, we adhere to the rule: a person is not responsible for the mistakes of another, even for his friend or relative. This relieves the feeling of fear and anxiety among those who recommended their loved ones for work.

External recommendations (with previous places work) in the domestic labor market have not yet become such a common attribute of a professional as they are abroad. We treat them with caution because, firstly, they are not always reliable, and secondly, they do not guarantee that the employee will be “compatible” with our corporate culture. But still, it doesn’t hurt to call the company where the candidate worked previously to chat with a fellow HR manager. Such shortcomings as drunkenness and theft, of course, indicate the unsuitability of a catering worker.

Training in our company is mainly internal - this also corresponds to “chamber” corporate culture, and the requirements of the time (it is necessary to look for ways to reduce costs). Each employee undergoes training:

• in the workplace if he must master basic knowledge and skills for high-quality performance of their direct duties in accordance with work standards;
• in courses or external trainings, if he is required to acquire new knowledge and skills.

Eichar accompanies and supports such “advanced” colleagues. For example, in confidential conversations, it helps employees promoted to management positions to master people management skills: learn to delegate authority, distribute responsibilities between subordinates. Close contact with this employee will subsequently allow the HR manager to see the real state of affairs in his management area.

Internal training in our company is provided by a trainer-instructor. For each profession, a training program has been developed, focused on enterprise standards. After completing the training, the immediate supervisor checks at what level the employee has mastered new skills or specialty. Based on the results of the interview-exam, fill in “ Attestation sheet”, which is stored in the employee’s personal file in the personnel department.

All newcomers must familiarize themselves with the operating standards of our company. These standards are developed (and constantly updated) by the HR manager together with restaurant managers. Changes in them are communicated to all personnel. HR and line managers in their areas monitor compliance with work standards. Strict requirements for compliance with standards are a manifestation of respect for our collective work: if we have accepted such “rules of the game”, then we ourselves, without exception, are interested in complying with them.

As a rule, those employees who have demonstrated good result in work and have development potential. For example, expanding the range of goods and services sometimes requires the introduction of new positions. In this case, we strive not to look for candidates “outside”, but to provide the opportunity for existing employees to fill opening vacancies. For example, a chef may learn the art of pizza making and specialize in that area.

When new restaurants open or there is a need for new positions at existing locations, priority is also given to our employees. Although external training is quite expensive, teaching and “growing” its own highly qualified specialists is a conscious strategy of the company, it can also be considered a manifestation of a “policy of trust”. After all, the employee to whom we entrusted a new line of activity, trained him, helped him take more high position on the career ladder, feels important and associates the increase in status with the company for which he works. He strives to justify the trust placed in him, not to let down the top managers who helped him grow.

A culture of trust has been developing over the years. If there is mutual understanding in the team, this is reflected in the finances: there is no staff turnover, which means there are no costs for recruiting personnel or training newcomers. An experienced “old” employee performs his duties more quickly and efficiently - in catering speed and accuracy are no less important than in the production of complex equipment.

We know for sure that trust in the team is the “engine” of the restaurant business. I think this “engine” is perfect for any other field of activity.

I work with teams to identify 5 problems and weaknesses of the team. One of the most important vices, the basis of team discord, is lack of trust . I came across an article by Esther Derby (author of books on agile approaches to project work) about how to build trust in a team. I present it in full in my translation. You can read the original.

Five ways to build trust in a team.

Creating an atmosphere of trust may seem enough mysterious phenomenon… However, there are specific actions that are aimed at building trust (and specific actions that can undermine that trust).

First, defining trust in the workspace. We all know that trust is the basis of teamwork. However, people often think that this refers to personal events, such as team members getting married but not developing software together. Therefore, what we need in our work is professional trust. With professional trust, you are confident in the competence of your colleagues, you are willing to exchange relevant information with them, and you have good intentions towards the team. Roughly speaking, it is trust through interaction, responsibility and competence.

1. Direct appeal

One way or another, someone on a team can annoy someone. Perhaps it's because he's constantly chatting, or listening to voicemail loudly. Or perhaps he used your laptop and changed all the settings there. Or perhaps he ruined the build and went to lunch.

Such cases are inevitable. However, when a team member speaks directly to the person who is bothering them, they build trust. He might say, “I value our working relationship, and I'm willing to have this uncomfortable conversation to improve our work,” or, “It's better that you learn this from me than me talking about it behind your back.”

Such dialogue is not always easy. Sometimes people put it off unpleasant conversation until resentment and irritation accumulate, and the situation becomes simply unbearable.

Sometimes people try to avoid difficult conversation, telling management about the problem. And then the manager falls into the trap of this information.

Seth had just started working at a new place and had not yet made friends among the team members, so he ate lunch alone, and it took him an hour. Two weeks into his job, his new manager called him in and told him that another team member was upset that he was taking so long for lunch when the unspoken rule was that lunch lasted 45 minutes.

(Why no one bothered to tell Seth about this, and why no one invited him to lunch during his first week, is a second question)

When the employee talked to the manager instead of talking to Seth directly, he broke trust. When I spoke with Seth, who had been with the company for over a year, I learned that Seth still could not fully trust the employee. Nobody likes it when people spread gossip about them.

When people don't know how to have those difficult conversations or think it's not their job to intervene in a work relationship, it all undermines trust. And so people need the opportunity to talk about interpersonal relationships and have feedback.

2. Sharing important information.

If you don't support an idea or approach, say so. (Of course, there are more efficient and less efficient ways to do this).

When someone on the team does not express their opinion and interest during a discussion of a topic, but at the end states “I thought that bad idea from the very beginning,” the other team members feel as if they have been hit on the sly. This undermines trust.

For a team to work effectively, team members must believe that their employees are reliable. Without confidence that others are reliable and will bear their share of the load, few will move towards a common goal.

3. Fulfill your obligations or give advance notice that you cannot do so.

No one man of sense does not expect everyone to consistently fulfill their obligations. We know that sometimes a piece of code ( software) may turn out to be more complex than originally anticipated, and we may find that we did not have a complete understanding of the problem when we estimated it. And if you wait until the end of a task to notify your colleagues, it may already be too late. This undermines trust. So let your colleagues know about your problems as soon as you discover them.

4. Say “No” if you mean “No.”

Sometimes you can't help but take on another task or do something someone asks you to do. Most of us are “programmed” from childhood to be nice to other people. And if we say “No,” we will be called selfish or “not a team player.” But if you really can't do what you're asked, it's more polite to say "No" and let the other person get help elsewhere.

When you say “Yes” and don’t do what you signed up for, your “Yes” is not believed, and in the future everything you say will be highly doubted. If you can't say "No", your "Yes" will mean anything.

Perhaps counterintuitively, building competent trust sometimes means you can't have all the answers.

5. Show what you know and what you don't know.

Be willing to share your knowledge. However, also listen carefully to other people's ideas, count on them, and help others “shine.” Admit it when you don't know the answer; There is nothing terrible in not knowing something; it is not possible to know everything. Ask for help. Such a request for help will show that you are the same person as everyone else, and most people like to be useful and will be happy to help you.

Five ways to build trust in a team

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Mutual knowledge - openness and trust

The problem of perceiving and understanding other people arises before us, as a rule, when we establish and maintain contact with them. How others understand us depends to a large extent on our behavior - we can help or hinder others from perceiving us correctly.

Everyone can ask themselves the following questions: “Do other people know me well?”, “Is it easy for them to understand me?”, “Do I know and understand myself?”, “Do I help others understand me better?” The best and most immediate form of help here is our own openness.

Openness is the willingness to express your thoughts to others, to express your feelings in connection with what was said or done. Being open does not mean telling your partner the most intimate details of your life; this kind of frankness is only possible with real intimacy. But in order to maintain a deep and sincere relationship, partners must clearly understand how the other feels in this moment.

Openness is, first of all, the ability to be honest and natural in relationships with people. Such behavior, although not a guarantee of absolute mutual understanding, still helps others understand us better. In order for openness and sincerity to be mutual, you must also be able to respond to manifestations of frankness on the part of your partner so that he feels that he is accepted and supported.

The degree of openness cannot be random; it depends on current situation and features of developing contact. It is desirable that it be related to what is currently happening in the partners and between them.

Open and closed “spaces” of personality

Dimensions of “spaces” at the beginning of communication with a person

IN crisis periods relationships between people become more open special meaning, and the ability to be open depends on the degree of awareness and acceptance of oneself.

The connection between self-awareness and openness can be illustrated using a model called the Yogari Window, named after the two psychologists who created the model.

Each person is only partially aware of everything that makes up the content of his “I”. It can also be said that the people around us only partially understand us.

To hide from others and from ourselves some important information, we must spend our attention and energy on this, so the more open we are, the more information is available and known, the more likely it is that our communication with others will be full and deep, expressive and effective.

In accordance with the model, one can imagine that each person carries within himself, as it were, four “spaces” of his personality.

As can be seen from this model, the strengthening and deepening of relationships between people leads to an increase in the size of open and understandable “spaces” and a decrease in the size of closed and inaccessible to understanding “spaces” of the individual.

When we are open, others have the opportunity to learn more about us, which increases the likelihood of good mutual understanding and, at the same time, deeper self-knowledge. When we close ourselves off from others, we become less aware of ourselves.

By opening up to others, we gain some guarantee that they will help us see in ourselves what was previously inaccessible to us. The more aware we become of this area, the more open we can be with others.

As described above, feedback is information that we can provide to others and which contains our reaction to their behavior. The purpose of feedback is, first of all, to help others become more aware of how we perceive their actions, what feelings they evoke in us, and how they affect our state and behavior.

The ability to provide feedback in such a way as not to make a partner feel threatened by us and so as not to provoke psychological self-defense in him is extremely important and is not at all easy to develop. I would like to highlight here some points that increase the effectiveness of feedback.

1. In your comments, try to touch first of all on the characteristics of your partner’s behavior, and not on his personality; try to talk about your partner’s specific actions, and not about your thoughts about your ideas about him as a person.

2. Talk more about your observations rather than the conclusions you reach. Observations are descriptions of what you saw or heard, and conclusions are the result of your interpretation of what you saw, conjectures based on real facts. It is possible that with your help your partner will come to deeper and more correct conclusions. But if you still want to express your thoughts and conclusions, try to emphasize that they are the result of your mental work. Don't create the illusion that your conclusions objectively reflect reality.

3. Try to be descriptive rather than judgmental. When describing, try to simply note what happened or what is currently happening.

Of course, all this does not mean that any assessments should be avoided altogether - this is simply not even possible. However, it should be remembered that assessments and judgments are not the most valuable material for better mutual knowledge and understanding. Descriptions are more informative.

4. When describing the behavior of another person, try to use categories like “to a greater or lesser extent” rather than “you always...” or “you never...”.

When using categories of the first type to describe the behavior of another, emphasize that certain manifestations can be expressed to a greater or lesser extent, and occur with greater or less frequency. This is much closer to reality than the assumption that only one or another behavior is possible as an alternative.

The tendency to use language such as “you always...” or “you never...” usually leads to misunderstandings and oversimplifications.

5. Try to focus your attention on the specific actions of your partner in situations that took place very recently, and not on some vague stories of the distant past.

Our behavior is usually related to certain place and time. If we can see this connection, we can understand a lot about human behavior. If something in the behavior of another or in your own reactions caught your attention, try to tell him about it as soon as possible (of course, subject to the right situation) - this increases the value of the information.

6. Try to give as much as possible less advice, it is better to express your thoughts, as if sharing thoughts and information with your partner.

When you share your thoughts with him about him, you leave him the right to freely decide how to use the information received. At the same time, he will be able to proceed from his own goals and capabilities.

The more you talk about what exactly a person should do, the more you limit his choice own way behavior for which he could be fully responsible himself.

7. When providing feedback to a person, try to emphasize what can be valuable to him, and not what can bring satisfaction to you personally. Talking to someone about how their behavior is perceived and how it makes them feel can help them better understand how they are perceived by others. However, you should try not to overuse own needs in expressing feelings, do not resort to emotional release, try not to manipulate others. Feedback, like any other form of help, should be offered rather than forced.

8. Try to give your partner such information and in such quantity that he will be able to use it. When a single “portion” of feedback is overly saturated, there is a possibility that the interlocutor will not be able to effectively and constructively approach what you say to him.

It is pointless to criticize some features of your partner’s behavior or personality that you cannot influence, for example, his physical disabilities - such criticism does not contribute anything constructive to your relationship.

9. Carefully timing your feedback can greatly increase its effectiveness. When you want to tell another person how you perceive them, it is important to choose good time, place and situation. Often, in response to feedback, the partner reacts with serious and deep emotional experiences.

Therefore, you need to be very scrupulous in choosing the circumstances of such a conversation and soberly assess the capabilities of the interlocutor - even the most valuable information conveyed in an inappropriate situation or in an inadequate form can do more harm than good.

10. Remember that both giving and receiving feedback is possible with a certain amount of courage, skill, understanding and respect for yourself and others.

Feedback can contribute to better understanding and deepening relationships between partners, provided that the above considerations are taken into account not only by those who provide it, but also by those for whom it is intended.

Through his reactions, the person receiving the feedback can facilitate the process of mutual knowledge and understanding. Here I will offer some thoughts on how to respond to feedback.

1. In order to correctly understand what they want to tell you, you should carefully listen to your interlocutor to the end. As a rule, in response to some not particularly pleasant remarks addressed to us, we very soon stop listening to the words of the interlocutor and begin to prepare various arguments in our favor or arguments for self-defense.

This prevents us from fully accepting information and understanding what we are told.

2. In order to better understand what they are telling us, we can retell in our own words what we heard. This will help you notice all misunderstandings and misunderstandings in time, and avoid erroneously attributing to your interlocutor what he did not say.

Feedback exchange is often challenging emotional experiences and mobilizes the system psychological protection personality. It is important to take this point into account and check each time what causes certain considerations that arise in us in response to our partner’s words.

3. Feedback contains only a personal point of view and a subjective idea of ​​us specific person, and is by no means an answer to the question of what we are. This information only indicates the current state of our relations. An inquisitive person may set out to find out how he is perceived by the most different people, and thus expand the range of his ideas about the subjective experiences that his behavior causes in others. But we must not forget that these ideas will never be complete, just as we ourselves are never immutable and static.

4. When your interlocutor provides you with feedback, this does not mean that you need to immediately change your behavior. It is known that there are many reasons why people strive to change the behavior of others. Feedback exchange is aimed at improving mutual understanding between partners, which makes certain changes in their behavior possible, but not always necessary.

5. Expressing some thoughts to a partner encourages him to respond, and this also helps us better understand how our words are perceived. When you provide feedback, you usually take a certain risk and can never be sure in advance how you will be received. It is therefore very important that partners help each other at this difficult moment.

People are not always willing to openly demonstrate their reactions to the behavior of others. Much more often we hide our feelings because we are afraid of offending or hurting another person, we are afraid of causing their anger, we do not want to be ridiculed or rejected. All this can be avoided if you subtly and skillfully provide feedback to your partner. Thanks to this skill, it is possible to establish deeper and more sincere contacts with other people.

The level of openness in relationships can be increased only based on the desire to improve contacts, and not on the basis of the desire to humiliate or manipulate a partner.

Openness in itself is not a value unless there is a need behind it to improve the quality of relationships. Therefore, attempts to be more frank with those who are truly dear to us are especially valuable. The willingness of partners to be mutually open is closely related to the level of trust between them.

Those who are sincerely interested in improving relationships should be concerned about deepening and strengthening mutual trust.

Each person has his own and, as a rule, very general ideas about what trust is. It seems to me that it is important to define this concept, its essence and manifestations in relations between people.

The signs of trust that I want to present in this book are largely borrowed from the work of Morton Deitch and several other psychologists who specifically studied both this phenomenon and the characteristics of the phenomena of cooperation and willingness to take risks.

Can in the following way determine trust in a communication partner:

a) in a situation where a decision is made about whether another person can be trusted, you need to understand that trusting him can be for your benefit or turn against you, your needs, goals, and your sense of self. Therefore, when deciding to trust someone, realize that you are taking a risk;

b) be aware that the consequences of your trusting relationship largely depend on the behavior of the person you trusted;

c) be prepared for possible troubles and losses as a result negative consequences your trust may be much greater than the possible benefits and advantages that you will acquire due to the fact that the consequences of your trust will be favorable;

d) despite all this, count, although not recklessly, on the fact that in response to your trust, the other person will behave in such a way that you will be satisfied with the consequences of your gullibility.

It is not difficult to see that there is a direct connection between mutual trust and mutual knowledge in the process of communication. The more open the partners are, the better they understand each other. The possible benefits of mutual openness are primarily related to deepening relationships.

Potential troubles may manifest themselves primarily in the form of rejection, humiliation, and resentment.

If partners are willing to take the risk of greater mutual openness, then there is a basis in their relationship for deepening mutual trust.

Trust is strengthened if, in response to your frank reactions, you feel accepted and understood that nothing threatens you. In this case, trust increases because you are convinced that the partner is not hostile.

On the contrary, if you understand that there are notes of ridicule or disdain in your partner’s reactions, trust in him decreases, and the confidence that he is deliberately opposed to you grows.

However, many examples can be given where people interested in improving relationships in the name of common goal, consciously go to trust each other, in this case trust generates reciprocal trust. So, we can say that the quality of a relationship depends on:

whether one of the partners is ready to take risks and open up more to the other;

Is the second partner ready to show that he understands and accepts the intentions of the first, that he agrees to respond in kind.

When we feel that another person trusts us, we ourselves begin to trust him more and feel the need to get closer to him.

Uncertainty about a partner and suspicion about his intentions are significant obstacles to establishing a trusting relationship. A person who risks revealing himself simultaneously demonstrates to us that he has no evil intentions, that he is not inclined to take actions that threaten us.

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Is openness and trust important in a relationship? Without a doubt. These are one of the key criteria for a successful relationship between a man and a woman. But as in any business and knowledge, “the devil is in the details,” and our perception of words such as “trust” and “openness.”

Is it necessary for a woman to trust her man? Without this it is simply impossible happy relationship. Should a man trust his woman? Certainly.

Is openness important in a relationship?

Should a woman be open to her man? If he deserves it, and has proven that he deserves it, then the woman should be as open as possible to the man. A woman can tell her man everything.

Should a man be as open as possible to a woman? No, absolutely not. A man is a protector; he must protect his woman from stress and anxiety, and protect her from the outside world. If he comes home every day and dumps all the problems and dirt that he has collected at work and in society, how will this affect the woman?

She will be very stressed and worried, and will be destroyed emotionally. Does anyone like it when a man talks about his problems and complains to his wife? I doubt that anyone would consider such behavior worthy of the slightest respect.

How a man copes with problems

Some women believe that if a man is “despondent” and she sees that something is gnawing at him, then she definitely needs to “help” him. To stir him up, to get all the information out of him so that he can “pour out his soul.”

Women measure themselves: for a woman, openness is a solution to many problems that she invents for herself.

Do you know what your compatibility with a man is?

To find out, click on the button below.

A woman articulates the problem, tells someone her thoughts - and bam, the problem disappears. She stops haunting the woman’s thoughts, she has flown free, and the woman feels great. Cleansing.

And a woman, seeing a man in sadness, tries to apply her patterns and her feelings to the man. But men are different. They don't need openness to solve their problems.

A man can't solve a problem by talking it out

For a man, his problems come from the outside world, at work, in business, in environment- Everywhere a man faces difficulties and obstacles that he must overcome. But he cannot overcome them simply by talking about them.

To solve a problem a man needs what? Take it, go and solve the problem! And nothing else. A man needs to act and move. From the fact that he will be open with someone, the problem is outside world won't go anywhere.

How men and women experience stress and anxiety

When a man experiences stress or some kind of experience, then again his defense mechanism against this is completely different than that of any woman.

For a man, at such moments, the best thing is to “turn off” the brain and reboot. If a woman is simply unable, due to her physiology and structure, to turn off annoying and “difficult” thoughts, then a man does it half a turn. He simply turns on the “dumb” mode, brain activity is reduced to a minimum, and the man sits and dumbs down.

This state is a state of restoration for a man, reincarnation. After a man has been depressed for enough time, he gets up, reset, and goes to solve problems with renewed vigor.

Big mistake women make in relationships

Women who are not aware of this property of men that they sometimes need to turn on the “stupidity” mode in order to recover, try to get the man to talk. If a man falls for this and pours buckets of dirt on a woman, in the end the man is left with his problems, and not “rebooted” and rested, while the woman picks up this dirt and suffers.

And who gets better from this?

Dear women - if a man is anxious or withdrawn, all you need to do is leave him alone for a while! This is the only one the right way help him survive difficult situation and enter a new stage.

Remember the main thing - your behavior means a lot to a man, but if there is no harmony at the level of signs, then the relationship will be very tense. It is very advisable to find out the exact compatibility of your zodiac sign with the sign of a man. This can be done by clicking on the button below:

conclusions

A man is a woman’s support. A man for a woman should be a strong shoulder on which she can rely at any moment and in which she can be confident. And this strong and strong shoulder should be not only in physically, but primarily emotional.

Despite the fact that the woman is much more emotionally stronger than men, it is the man who is able to absorb most of women’s emotions and calm the woman down. At the same time, he remains in balance.

This male core, strength and hardness are very important both for the man himself and for the woman who is next to him. That's why normal man He simply has no right to leak any problems to a woman. He must protect her, surrounding her with care, comfort and love.

And it is the understanding of this fact that will allow both men and women to be in harmony. Both with yourself and with each other.

And that is why openness and trust are undoubtedly very important factors in relationships, you need to apply it “wisely”, understanding who is in front of whom, and when, can be open.

If you want to be with the man you love, you need to figure out whether you are compatible according to your zodiac sign?

Find out your exact compatibility with a man by clicking on the button below.