It often seems that we have thoroughly studied the man who is next to us. And in this main mistake. Never stop studying each other, being surprised by each other and... just touching! A male psychologist discusses the necessity of this for male happiness.
If only women could hear my conversations with men. We discuss all the stereotypes and clichés that women have about us.
Your men don't want to hurt you. They don't want to argue. They don't want to control everything. And they definitely don't want "just sex." They desperately want their wife to know the truth. And they feel very sad at the thought that she may never know this truth.
And the truth lies in a gentle touch. It contains a power that many women neglect or have not yet discovered. It's so simple and so gentle that men are even afraid to ask for it. We barely talk about it to each other! We don't want to seem soft. We don't want to risk a woman's reaction to our weakness.
What is she wearing?
My-infant.com
This is the power of gentle skin-to-skin touch as a sign of feminine acceptance and approval.
When a woman touches a man tenderly, she instills in him self-confidence, his world changes instantly.
This is such a powerful moment that we can't even say anything. Like a lump in the throat. And this is such an assurance that we are not alone, that we are on the right path. This feeling female love, if you want to.
I'm sure every man wants to feel this. It's simple - female acceptance and approval. Nothing more.
Here's how men describe it:
"We were watching a movie when she put her hand on my knee, looked at me, smiled and said, 'I'm glad you brought us here, thank you.'
“She scratched the top of my head with her fingers for about two minutes. Silently. It was amazing."
“She touched my shoulder and whispered: “You are such a good father and husband. I love you for this."
“When I offered her my vacation option, she took my hand and said: “Damn it, I adore you!”
“She just reached out and stroked the back of my head while I was driving. So tenderly that I almost purred.”
“She moved closer to me, falling asleep, and said: “You are always so warm.”
30kapel.com Why can't men say they want this from a woman?
They think women will think it's stupid. After all, this is not “courageous.” Too vulnerable. Women can laugh; just their touch can take a man’s breath away.
Women, allow your men to be vulnerable. Let them feel free about it. Control your reaction to such revelations. And touch... touch us!
A common Chinese proverb says, “If you don't pet a cat, its back will crumble.” A person, no matter how cool and independent he imagines himself to be, is a “tactile-dependent” creature. And he cannot live without touching.
TOUCH.
We often underestimate it, and the skin, being an organ of touch, is one of the largest organs. It is from the skin that the action of touch begins.
We don't think about it, but most of us have a complex and confusing relationship with our own bodies. From the beginning of our lives, society instills in us its opinion about what our body is and what it should be, what can and cannot be done with it. At favorable confluence circumstances, we grow up somewhat detached from our body, treating it rather as a shell (like a raincoat that we wear for a walk) or a means through which we interact with the world around us. This gap between body and mind negatively affects us. Touch recreates the broken connection between consciousness and body, returning us to the origins and using the energy of this strong connection to maintain mental, physical and mental health and well-being. Touch can be both positive, positively affecting health, and negative. There is evidence to support the positive effects of touch. This information was compiled by Ashley Montague in her classic work, Touch.
The total area of the skin of an adult is about 2 square meters, the weight of the skin is about 3 kilograms. A 2 cm (2) area of skin contains: more than 3 million cells, from 100 to 300 sweat glands, 50 nerve endings, about 1 meter of blood vessels.
Montague explains how touching the skin affects physical health people of all ages, starting from birth. Modern Scientific research confirm his words: children who are touched more often have increased ability to survival compared to those who were rarely touched. Children who are caressed and are not shy about hugging, kissing, stroking, grow up physically stronger, have a stronger psyche and suffer less from difficulties and problems in life than their peers brought up in harsh conditions.
SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH DATA SHOWED:
- if you lightly grab a person’s hand, his heart rate will slow down and his blood pressure will drop,
- in children and adolescents suffering from neuroses, excitability is significantly reduced, and positive changes occur in the perception of the surrounding reality, if they lightly rub their backs for a short time every day,
- atherosclerosis in rabbits receiving food rich in cholesterol, if they are regularly stroked affectionately, is observed in 60% of cases less often than in rabbits receiving the same food, but deprived of affection.
Hormones and the power of touch. Doctors' opinion.
Experiments conducted by Swedish scientists revealed that light touching the human body increases the synthesis of the hormone oxytocin in the posterior lobe of the pituitary gland. Previously, it was believed that this hormone is exclusively “maternal” (it is responsible for uterine contractions during childbirth and the production breast milk). However, it turned out that this is not the only function of oxytocin. It is produced in both women and men, and stimulates physiological reactions, reducing stress and mental tension. For example, oxytocin increases the amount of pleasure hormones - serotonin and dopamine, while reducing the level of cortisol, the stress hormone.
Similar reactions are triggered by touching a person’s skin, so in case of ailments, depression, both children and adults need more affection. Such a cocktail of hormones, released during a gentle touch, heals in itself, and even if it is the caress of a loved one and loving person, then its effect is enhanced several times. However, each of us has encountered reverse situation. The touch of an unpleasant person leads to a deterioration in well-being and a decrease in mood. Evil eye? Mystic? Hardly. Scientists were able to explain this too. It's not a matter of the "evil eye" and "damage". The fact is that even if you smile cordially and enthusiastically shake hands with someone you don’t like, your body perceives this situation unambiguously: the enemy is touching you. Receptors convey a message to the brain that it urgently needs to defend itself. A mixture of stress hormones - adrenaline and norepinephrine - is released into the blood. If you do not start immediately physical protection, then such a hormonal shock is followed by a natural reaction of the body: trembling, mood swings and blood pressure, blood glucose, which adversely affects health. It is known that people whose job responsibilities include frequent contact with unpleasant people, are several times more likely to suffer from vascular diseases and nervous breakdowns.
Touch. What do psychologists think?
Psychologists have a term called “sensory deprivation” (or emotional-information hunger). Every person has individual list necessary for him: life impressions, volume of communication, preferred method of transmitting information (visual, verbal (verbal) and even tactile (touch)), depending on which auditory, visual and kinesthetic learners are distinguished. If a person does not receive the required level of impressions or information, then he may develop psychological and physical problems, even serious ones. somatic disease. And all because of the hunger for communication, for information. To begin with, you should find out exactly what information, or what kind of impressions you are missing, and it is this deficiency that you need to fill. This is why it makes no sense to treat depression caused by a lack of tactile sensations with a piece of cake. It is important to correctly find and make up for the lack of precisely those sensations that are missing in life - this is due to the fact that an attempt to restore peace of mind in the wrong direction can lead to buildup negative feelings and more severe consequences.
The value of touch during pregnancy.
In the womb, the baby is deeply affected by the mother's physical and emotional touch. Through this contact, the fetus is told how desirable it is, how necessary and important it is to the world. By studying the growth and development of the fetus in the uterus, scientists found that with the help physical touch, perfectly understood by the child, the fetus begins its personal development. The baby kicks and the woman begins to stroke her belly. Touching the belly, either by mother or father, is the first contact with an unborn baby. The child gains experience of communication, understands that he is surrounded by another world and appreciates its friendliness towards himself. A similar experience gained by a child while in the womb determines the person’s entire subsequent life, his habits and ways of responding to difficult situations life.
Emotional neglect in the womb leaves long-lasting scars because the child's thinking is greatly influenced by the mother's thoughts and feelings. IN in rare cases antisocial and/or criminal tendencies develop, but more often embryonic neglect manifests itself in the inability to create significant and lasting relationships in adulthood. The experience of intrauterine life, like the process of giving birth to a child - whether he experiences pain or is born easily, spontaneously or with some kind of stimulation - largely determines who he becomes and how he perceives the world around him.
How can you make up for the lack of touch?
Massage
Massage allows you to get tactile sensations quite in a simple way and is considered a common phenomenon. Research shows that people who regularly receive (clients) or receive (massage therapists) massages experience improved sleep and general state, and also reduces stress levels. Anxiety and depression decreased, they drank less coffee, visited the doctor less often, and their social contacts and self-esteem increased. Massage is also beneficial for children. It is known that children whose mothers regularly stroked their bellies with tenderness and love grew up more calm, obedient and loving.
In his book “The 20 Minute Break: Using new science Ultradian Rhythms" Ernest Rossi says: "When we touch softly and rhythmically, our brain releases feel-good molecules called beta-endorphins, and we easily withdraw within ourselves."
Have you noticed that children often ask to be held for no apparent reason, they can come up and cuddle with your leg, and they enjoy it when their mother strokes and hugs them? In this way, children make up for the lack of tactile sensations. This is a need of the body, comparable to thirst or hunger. It’s just that with age it becomes “not accepted”, and a person begins to experience a lack of sensations. The need is repressed into the subconscious sphere. This is especially true for women. A woman's skin has fifteen percent more receptors. That's why women are overweight tactile sensitivity: they love to be touched, touched, and they themselves adore touching other people. Men literally have thicker skin in this regard. Their skin is several times thicker than women's. This does not mean that they are far from tactile sensations at all. They just have to be more intense for them. After society became attentive and wary of the sexual topic, touching a stranger became uncomfortable and scary. Nowadays, a deficiency of tactile contacts has become one of the most common problems with which psychologists are most often consulted.
Intimate relationships. What “buttons” do you press to become healthier?
Intimate relationships are a special topic. Subconscious fear intimate relationships, touching, hugging, kissing - a clear case of fear of touch in general, when we cannot trust even our closest and beloved people with our body. To get rid of such fear, long-term psychotherapy may be required.
Meanwhile, intimate caresses can be very beneficial not only for the psyche, but also for health. Let's take a closer look at some aspects of intimate touching.
HEAD, NECK
Affectionate kisses on the corners of the lips, eyelids, cheeks, neck, and gentle touches on the eyebrows activate the work of the facial nerves, which leads to more pronounced blood supply to the skin of the face and neck. The cosmetic effect, as they say, is obvious. Stroking the forehead, temples, gently biting the earlobes, scratching the scalp and caressing the hair stimulate cerebral circulation, significantly reducing the risk of cerebral ischemia and headaches, migraines.
BACK
Stroking and kissing along the spine relieves tension from inflamed muscles, soothes receptors overexcited by inflammation, and relieves pain due to radicular syndromes. But with radiculitis and other diseases associated with inflammation and pinching of the nerves of the spine, such caresses can cause harm and increase pain. Be careful.
BUTTOCKS
Caressing the buttocks in men can easily serve as a prevention of prostatitis. Men in this area have much more nerve endings that are associated with stimulation of the pelvic organs than women. So light pinching and encouraging spanking during love foreplay (and even during sexual intercourse) will be very helpful - and for the prevention of prostatitis too! In women, the effect on the buttocks is powerful psycho-emotional factor at the presexual, actually sexual stages. Tactility options - stroking, pinching, patting. Oral methods of exposure are welcome. It should be noted that the perception of tactile actions in every woman depends on her childhood and youth upbringing, on temperament, and on life experience.
Animals are like “therapists”.
IN family traditions In some countries, the ban on direct affection in families is compensated by keeping cats and dogs that allow themselves to be touched. Any pet can improve not only psychological situation in the house, but keep it normal physiological systems inhabitants of the house. After all, our skin is directly connected to the brain. By petting a pet, we transmit signals to our own brain, which subsequently normalize the functioning of the entire body as a whole. We gain a feeling of confidence, attacks of loneliness pass, and the body relaxes. And since dogs and cats show with their appearance and purring how much they like these touches, their effectiveness increases several times. Remember examples of some people living alone, but often they have an animal in the house.
TOUCH - biological necessity; it relaxes us, leads to expansion of consciousness; touch brings us into contact with ourselves and takes us on an inner journey beyond knowledge to the discovery of our natural essence. So, maybe we should reconsider our behavior? The rhythm of life is so fast that we often don’t have enough time to stop and just look around. We forget about our loved ones and loved ones, we forget that they, like ourselves, need us, our care, our touches. So let's give each other love and tenderness. And believe me, the world will become much warmer and more comfortable if we spend at least a few minutes a day in each other’s arms.
KINESTHETIC, VISUAL or AUDIO?
Everyone knows the list of five senses with which a person communicates with the world - taste, smell, hearing, sight, touch. Based on three basic ones (vision, hearing and touch), the preferred channels of interaction with the world were identified: auditory, visual and kinesthetic. One needs to look, another needs to listen, and the third needs to touch. Kinesthetics, people who communicate with the world through touch and touch, need a greater amount of tactile (bodily, tactile) contacts than other people. For visual learners (for them the main channel of perception of the world is visual) and auditory learners, who most information is obtained through hearing; the importance of touch may not be very high. However, if the visual is blindfolded or the auditory is covered with their ears, they will suffer greatly, because the main source of information is from external environment they will be lost. A similar situation arises with kinesthetics - up to the appearance of neuroses, depression and the appearance of real physical diseases if they do not receive enough touch. If kinesthetics do not have the ability to satisfy their needs with the help of loved one, they often become big fans of massages and swimming pools. After a pool or massage, those who experienced tactile hunger better side All body performance indicators change dramatically and mood improves significantly.
Roni Beth Tower
Doctor of Philosophy, former professor Teachers College Columbia University, clinical psychologist, researcher, author.
Parental hugs and strokes calm the baby. The older brother leads the younger brother by the hand through an unsafe street. A tap on the shoulder means support. We have many different touches in our arsenal with which we express our feelings. These nonverbal ways of expressing love can be the most powerful and honest of all other communication methods.
This is why touch shows love.
- It is a means to connect with each other. In the womb, the child is surrounded by his mother, and the newborn baby is first picked up, calming him down. Thus, from the first days we learn to connect with the world through touch.
- This universal method distance control. For people in close relationships, it is important to be able to keep their distance - to comfortably spend time together and separately. Nothing will tell you as honestly as the touch of a loved one whether he wants to spend time with you now or not, what mood he is in, and so on. Therefore, the lack of touch in a long-distance relationship is one of the main difficulties.
- Touch conveys information. Hand in hand has no less important meaning than words of support. Tactile contact is capable of transmitting information no worse than speech.
- Oxytocin is released. This is a hypothalamic hormone that makes people more friendly towards each other.
- Touch increases the feeling of comfort and confidence. Touching loved ones reduces stress levels and also makes you feel more protected, even fight infections and reduce pain.
Touch can be very different depending on what it expresses.
- Positive. They are correctly understood by everyone as an expression of affection: hugging, patting, kissing, stroking, massaging, and other caressing movements.
- Negative. Whether impulsive or deliberate, these touches usually communicate a desire to create distance in the most innocent way or to cause pain in the most toxic way. This is hitting, slapping, pushing, kicking, scratching, poking, biting.
- Ambiguous. These touches can be perceived in different ways. How they are perceived depends on the intention with which the touch is made and how sensitive the one being touched is, and most importantly, on the ability of people to understand each other without words. For example, a seller who deliberately touches the buyer’s hand becomes more nice person and persuades to buy, but can forever scare away others. For one girl, pinching may be a sign of love for her, but for another it will be painful and offensive.
What to Consider to Show Your Love Through Touch
Recognize personality traits
We are born with different temperaments, the basis of which is the sensitivity threshold. Perception different people differs in how strong and what the impact must be in order to cause a reaction in them, positive or negative. For example, for one person tickling is a game, but for another person it is perceived negatively and turns into torture. Understanding how your partner reacts to different kinds touches shows your attention and respect, the desire to see him/her as an individual with his/her own unique needs.
Communication
Respect for culture
Culture not only determines the meaning of various objects, but also the rules for their display. These rules are the most critical to the ways of expressing feelings - often unspoken by anyone, they tell whether a given sign is acceptable in public or not, whether it expresses love or hostility.
Have you ever felt like you were living in a bubble among people? You see them, but you don't touch them. Although we live in a dense, crowded world, some people manage to go days, weeks and even months without touching people or being touched by others.
Although you may not notice the effects immediately, it does have a negative impact on your mood, confidence and overall health. After all, the relationship between emotional well-being and physical well-being is impressive.
Here are 6 good reasons why you should be touched by other people regularly.
Feel the connection
People - social creatures, and whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, you should have a sense of connection with other people. In some cases, the connection can be felt just by talking to the person, but sensory plays the same way important role in human communication.
Reduce anxiety
Simply touching a person creates a feeling of confidence and security. How is that Small child, who, frightened, immediately runs into his mother’s arms. If you feel lonely, depressed and unsure, just ask for a hug.
Strengthen relationships
Sensory is one of the ways to connect partners with each other, whether in a romantic relationship or a parent-child relationship.
When loved ones are too busy and hardly touch each other, this often leads to coldness and even a break in the relationship. Regular touching and caressing constantly renews the connection with those we love.
Lower your blood pressure
Studies have shown that people who touch others enough have lower blood pressure than those who don't. Even having a pet can have an impact beneficial influence! Touch can also slow your heart rate and help you recover faster from illness and surgery.
Attitudes become more positive
It is much more difficult to become pessimistic and sad about the future when you are involved with someone warm relations. Touch brings joy, warmth, positivity, and makes you less cynical and suspicious. And this, in turn, reduces the voltage in Everyday life and has a positive effect on relationships with others.
Emotionally developing
Scientists have discovered that for correct thinking and emotional development, touch of any kind is very important: from a deep, relaxing massage to when you lightly touch a butterfly. So take time, in addition to cuddling people and animals, to get out into nature and touch it. Explore different textures and sensations, such as running along the seashore, running sand through your fingers, tending to plants.
Touch as often as possible, and let others touch you! This is important for your physical, mental and emotional well-being.